Filthy Acts at A Reasonable Price

by Demonic Lemon

Rating: mature
Tags: Death, Zecora, Alternate Universe, Human, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Anthro, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Spike, Comedy, Prince Blueblood, Trixie, Gilda, Pokémon, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Crossover
Length: 9677

Dojyaaa~n

You know the rules & so do I. Somebody buys something from the merchant yada yada yada. & No it's not part of the displaced verse (emphasize on might) seeing how it's convoluted as both the DC & Marvel franchise. The reason why is a lot fics tend to get side tracked real easily with this & never stick to the main goal by adding a crossover within the next 3 chapters. Never really a fan of them until I read DOOM of griffonstone, KarsAdams stories, Skeletor of the Crystal Empire by Hotel Chicken, & Magnets in a Mares world. The second chapter will be similar to the story of Equestria's first Human. Same goal/ idea of calling celestia out for her bullshit as a ruler. I saw a few JoJo fics but they have include the MC's instead so why not make a fic of a displaced JoJo fan.

FYI the mlp franchise does exist but g4 was never really created so don't be fucking angry on why he has no knowledge of the show. I really hate the how most MCs in these fics have knowledge of the show & yet try to make it in the ponies favor. For fucks sake look at the whole damn picture!

10/9/20 this somehow got featured.

Published 2021-08-27 06:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-23 05:14:18 UTC

My name is . . .

"Wow"

Is all I can say when I look at the people who are attending this year's San Diego's convention. It looks totally different from viewing it from my screen. I have my earbuds on, & I am currently listening to High Voltage by AC/DC to drown out the noise at the convention. Usually I wouldn't bother with these things but my uncle convinced me to go. I'm kinda glad that I did but I'm gonna buy a couple of things from the local vendors not gonna go berserk with my money. I have 12 plushies, 5 Adam Plasmids bottles (including the needles), Murder of Crows vigor bottle, a modified pump action shotgun, revolver & double barrel prop on me that I bought earlier. 3 shark puppies, 1 normal & 2 shiny Eevees, a riolu, fennekin, an absol with glasses, a Zoroark pup? (which I forgot the name) 1 shiny Vulpix & Stray Cat. I'm keeping the shark puppies & Stray Cat while my sisters get the Pokemon (they're huge Pokemon fans). The people here & there dressed as the anime/manga, video game, & comic book characters. There are some that are really good like that Berserk cosplayer of Griffith but he looked heart broken after several people kept mistaking him as a alternate universe Batman. Then there's the not so good cosplayers.

But you do you I guess but at least they dressed up as something unlike me but I digress. The amount of money I can spend is just under 4.6k dollars. Usually I'd be appalled on spending so much money but seeing how I have most of the things that'll help me in the long run of my life & mostly a down to earth guy might as well do something like this once an while. I'm passing by stalls or booths of people selling items ranging from costumes to figurines. A booth grabs my attention when I see it selling the costumes of both Keicho & Okuyasu Ninjimura, Funny Valentine & Risotto Nero, Valentine's suit is that of a silvery white from the Eyes of Heaven game rather than his usual pink from the manga. Walking up to see the price tag if it's under my budget & to see if it's my size. I feel a tap on my shoulder & turning around, taking off my earbuds, to see a man with amused expression on his face. Nothing to drastic about his appearance as he looks like the other employees except that he's a tall & rather fit fellow, 195 cm if I were to guess his height.

"I see that these have caught your attention my Jobro."

That puts to a smile to my face.

"Of course! This JoJo we are talking about, specifically STEEL BALL RUN, Vento Areo, & Diamond is Unbreakable. I take it that you're the person who's selling these?"

"Right you are my friend. Are you interested in buying?"

"Of course. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

This gets a laugh out of him. "I suppose your right. Which one?"

"Funny Valentine." I say with no hesitation. Normally if I didn't read Steel Ball Run I would definitely have chosen Risotto Nero's costume due to his over all skill showen but goddamn did Funny Valentine sweep me off my feet with his overall motivation & way he uses his Stand Ability. Looking at the other JoJo stuff, he also has 6 of the stand arrows like, 2 of which are from Golden Wind while the rest are that from Diamond Is Unbreakable, as well as the bows. Looking at the price tag of the costume, it's just a bit over 550 but way less than a quarter of my budget, it also happens to be in between medium & large. "How much for the stand arrows as well as the bow?"

"287.85 for the arrow & 197.70 for the bow. The reason why the price is that because it's made out of stainless steel & wood rather than cheap plastic."

My eyes widen,

"You're joking right? If that's true then sell it for twice or 3x the amount."

"I know but I feel like people won't buy it & will say that it's probably coated in aluminum."

"Fuck it I'll pay twice the amount my friend."

"Thank you so much for your generosity. That'll be 141.65."

I hand him eleven 100s & 8 twenties as he hands me the suit, wig & arrow after that I begin to walk away.

"Keep the change."

"Thank you & I hope you have a wonderful trip."

I pause after hearing that but shrug it off thinking that he must know that I am out town. With that I continue walking but oh little did I know that he's was talking about something else.

Made it to the apartment building I'm currently staying at which is 5 & 1/2 blocks away from the convention. Taking off my shoes once I reach the door. Open the door & enter the building & closing the door. Setting the items down onto the countertop I walk towards the bathroom to take a shower. Looking at the clock it's 5 in the afternoon. Jesus Christ the temperature outside is 117 degrees Fahrenheit! I'm not going to get my new costume all sweaty. After the 8 minute shower (yes it was around 8 minutes, I time myself whenever I take a shower) after that I dry myself & put some clothes on. Walking out of the bathroom I make my way towards the merch I bought earlier. Testing/feeling the fabric, it feels soft, silky on the inside but fuzzy on the outside. So putting on the sweater, pants, shirt, & wig as well taking the stand arrow from the bag I tap it against the table which resulted in a CLANG. I whistle,

"Damn he wasn't joking when he said that it was made of actual stainless steel. I wonder if could shoot somebody with it just like in the manga."

Chuckling while heading towards the bathroom seeing how it's the only room that has a mirror. Removing the thick cloth from the mirror (I have a case of paranoia whenever I'm naked around mirrors) I look at myself for a bit then smile while saying,

"Dātī dīzu do~ūn dāto chīpu" I start laughing but suddenly the whole building starts shaking & I hear people screaming. I trip on the rug causing me to fall sideways & bang my head on the side of the tub hearing a sickening crunch indicating that I snapped my neck. I must of punctured something because I'm having trouble breathing, I begin to cry. It's a pointless battle for me seeing how if I do survive I'm paralyzed from the neck down so I just close my eyes to accept my death.

Something is licking my face & crawling on my back. I move my hand to get it away only managed to get it lightly nipped at I shrug it off thinking it's my cat but I realized that I don't have any cats. Instantly waking up I get up to look around to see what bit me only to be tackled down by 11 small but strong things. Looking down on my chest, I see something that almost made me scream in confusion. It was 8 Pokemon & 3 shark puppies that I bought from the convention. I quickly get up which causes them jump off, making me back away in fear. Before I can make a sound I hear a meow to my right & see a weird cat plant thing. Quickly searching my pockets I feel my phone on my left & something else in my right, a pouch of some sort. I take it out & hear coins jingling, curiosity overcomes my fear as I open it to see coins made of Copper, Silver, Platinum, Gold, Bronze, & Aluminum. Taking one out to see if it's real, I bite one. Holy shit these are real! I laugh but immediately stop when I notice how deeper my voice is now.

"Sore wa hontōni watashi no koedesu ka?"

Quickly taking out my phone to see my reflection I turn it over to find a folded piece of lined paper attached to it. Removing it to unfold the paper, it has a paragraph written that says,

If you're reading this, it's the person you've bought from the convention. Yeah apparently the part where you died wasn't apart of the plan, normally I would've teleported you in your sleep but regardless you just got to improve, adapt, & over come these things. Right now all the stuff you bought are now ranging from the plushies to the firearms. Your electronics are indestructible at this point & you don't have worry about them recharging as they both use solar & magical energy to power it. Now as of where you are at currently you're in the country, Equestria, on a planet where magic & mythical creatures from different places from "YOUR" Earth, exist. ;) I also took the liberty putting your stuff in your duffle bag, erasing any 'personal' memories of your past life (yes that includes pornography, so much furry stuff),-I blush at that- giving you mental protection meaning nobody can mind control you & read your thoughts other than your companions, putting White Snake's DISC creation ability to D4C's & changing your money into the currency of this world so here's the chart to help you out;

Bronze bit = 1 dollar
Copper bit = 5 dollars
Silver bit = 10 dollars
Gold bit = 20 dollars
Platinum bit = 100 dollars
Aluminum bit = 1000 dollars

The corpse parts of Jesus Christ are also here but YOU have go to look for them yourself. I also gave you immunities to the dieases of this world so you don't have worry about systematically causing the Bubonic Plague with a cough & vice versa. So in short I hope you have wonderful life, your friend Loki the Norse God of Mischief.
P.S: Yes I'm that Loki from the Norse mythology where I had sex with a horse. ;)

After reading this I just stand there with a blank look then I begin to laugh very slowly then hysterically which later turn into choking sobs which causes me to kneel & punch the ground. The animals back away as to not set me off. I say one thing that only comes to mind during these situations.

"Nantekotta?!"

Quickly calming down I look at the black screen of my phone to see the face of Funny Valentine the antagonist of STEEL BALL RUN. To test Loki's truth I try to recall my name.

*My name i-*

As I begin try to recall my name I only to get a splitting headache as a reward. It's enough put me on my knees again & to drop the Android (fuck iPhone), it's when I get back on my feet when begin to feel something trickle down my lips. I touch it with my fingertips too see that it's blood. My blood. This causes concern to the Pokemon & animals as they rush to me towards me to see what's wrong. Well almost all of them as the plant one is trying to uproot itself.

"Watashi wa genki." I reassure them but they don't buy it & they proceed to hug me. "Go shinpai itadaki arigatōgozaimasu." Getting up after wiping the tears & blood off my face to walk over to plant one I begin to dig him? her? out. "Daijōbudesu, watashi wa ima anata o tasukemasu." After digging "Stray Cat", yes I remember her name now, & putting her on my palm of my hand I scratch her chin which in turn causes her to purr. "Hito o korosanai toki wa airashī."

After that I take a good look of my surroundings for my duffle bag. I see my duffle bag laying next to a small boulder I walk over towards setting stray cat down off to the side to access my bag. Opening it to take the stuff it has the revolver, 2 shotguns, 4 plasmids, the Murder of Crows vigor, the same exact outfit I'm wearing except it's pink & purple this time, boxes containing several rounds of ammunition ranging from normal, anti-personal, armor piercing, solid slugs to Phosphorus to electric buck, several pokeballs, a laptop & PS5 console, a sketch book, a note book containing recipes which are interesting from all over the world, Prisma color pencils, pens, markers & the American Flag from the 19th century (makes since seeing how Valentine is patriotic as hell; the timeline of STEEL BALL RUN took place in the 1800s, & carries one every where). That looks like every- wait. I look back inside the duffle bag & see that the Bow & Stand Arrow are there. This causes me to be concerned due to it having a 'mind or will of its own' & I don't want it just flying out stabbing someone then arrested for murder or assault. I also don't want this world's government leaders, ruthless leaders, overzealous xenophobes or religious fanatics, & mentally unstable people learning about the power of the Stand.

I shiver at the thought of dealing with a Diavolo, DIO, Yoshikage Kira, & Pucci of this world. My eyes widen, GOD FORBID I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WORLD'S EQUIVALENT OF CIOCCOLATA! My breathing picks up but quickly calm myself again. No I will NOT LET THAT HAPPEN! I may not care for others as a 'HERO' but I will not let them suffer from that MONSTER'S amusement. Putting everything back in an order I close the bag. Putting Stray Cat on top of it, she wraps his roots around the bag securing that he doesn't fall off. Slinging the bow over me like one would with a backpack. Closing my eyes & taking a deep breath, I then say 'D 4 C' out loud. I see a lilac blue began material in front of me then traces of fuchsia on the arms, legs, ears, waist & a large portion of it on its shoulders.

"Seinaru tawagoto," I mutter, I walk in front to see that he as that face mask as well vertical stitches on it similar to that of a baseball. It also has those beady headlights as eyes similar to Koichi's Echoes. I look at Stray Cat that she too can also see the Stand seeing how she's a Stand User & is amazed by the Stand. Turning around (after making D 4 C disappear back into my body) to get a better understanding of the environment, I seem to have been passed out on a pathway of sorts in between the beginning or end of an apple orchard & North American forest. Turning my attention towards the Pokemon & shark puppies I say,

"Sā, tomodachi ni ikimashou."

So choosing to go the direction of where more apple trees grow, I head further into the path way.

Author's Note

Imagine it dark red.

Also don't you think it's really fucking weird how people at conventions don't notice other people randomly disappearing after buying something from the same disguised individual? Like does shit happen on a daily basis to the point where they're like "Oh this happens every time it's normal."

For those who don't know about the different ammunition types of Bioshock or Murder of Crows from Infinite, here's an info dump.

Amor-piercing, normal, Electrical, & Explosive are all self explanatory. Armor-piercing only comes in for pistol, machine gun, or snipers/carbines. While explosive & electrical are shotgun only.

Phosphorus buck shoots out a sticky substance that causes whatever or whomever to catch on fire with spread damage. Shotgun only.

Solid slugs are similar to Armor-piercing but penetrate through multiple targets instead of one & will one-shot smaller enemies but stun larger targets. Shotgun only.

Anti-personal rounds are similar to that Solid slugs but only work for non armored enemies & do not pierce through completely but will fuck up the insides of the target. Only comes in for pistol & machine gun only.

Murder of Crows as power up obtained from the dead zealot from Bioshock Infinite. The main power is to summon/control & communicate with Crows or Ravens. They used as a weapon to stun enemies temporarily as the avians literally rip the flesh of the enemies like a school of Red Bellied Piranhas. Another ability (although it's not obtainable by the player but is used frequently by the enemy NPCS of the game.) Is that they can disperse into a flock of them as a type of evasion or transportation, very similar to how Itachi from Naruto does it (for you hardcore ones) as well as whatever the NPC has on them i.e. a damn fucking coffin. Can be charged up by other Vigors to do more damage or longer stun durations for nasty combinations aka flaming volcanic to electrical crystals. Can be charged upped for placing a nest on the ground as a trap, can charged with by other Vigors as well.

. . . Funny Valentine

The walk was relatively peaceful, no sudden incidents other than that I nearly tripped over my companions & almost dropping my duffle bag because of it. I've also been talking in English for to see if still speak it but not only that I can also speak German, Spanish, & Japanese more fluently. I stop at the realization of the thought of the inhabitants of this world reaction towards me & my companions. Will they react positively or negatively? I remember that Loki mentioned in the note that this world has magic. Does he mean magic like in the movies, games, & anime? Or does he mean magic like where they believe gods are doing shit for them. My mind goes to the thought of these people living in the same era of the Dark Ages in Medieval Europe where witch hunts were a thing. Oh god are they a thing here to? I look down towards the Pokemon, shark puppies, & Stray Cat. I worry about their safety so putting the bag down, which catches the attention of every one of them, & mention Stray Cat to loosen its grip.

"Okay, now this choice is up to you & I won't force you but you'll have to obey my word when it comes to your safety, all right?" They all nod, I turn my attention towards the Pokemon. "All right then, now then, I know that you guys & Stray Cat are the only ones that are capable of defending themselves in when it comes to both physical & elemental attacks but when it comes to magic I don't know. So it's your to choice to either be captured in theses pokeballs or remain free." I explain on to why I'm asking, they begin to understand so now they're all huddled together discussing the decision as I'm pulling out the Pokeballs. Now that I'm not having a mental breakdown I notice that not all the Pokeballs are the usual Red & White design. There are some that are purple with pink, black with yellow, & blue with orange. I set them up in a line to allow them to choose. Of them makes a high pitched chirp to catch my attention & I see that they all nod agreement. So they all walk to their choice of the pokeball. The Eevees choose the baby blue, double orange stripped ones, while the absol chooses the normal one along with the Shiny Vulpix, & the Riolu, Fennekin, & Zoroark pup choose the black, yellow striped one & met with this.

https://mtv.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/tumblr_inline_nov3ryw98k1s5a3cr_500-1439237020.gif?quality=.8&height=281&width=500

The Shark puppies begin to freak out & Stray Cat watches with wide eyes. Quickly opening the pokeballs the Shark puppies calm down.

"See, there's nothing to worry about they're just in another place." I sigh, *I'm going to have to train them if I want them to not rely on me during a situation that where I can't give them an order. But it'll be definitely worth it.*

Putting them back inside the pokeballs, then putting them in my pocket where my coin pouch, which has approximately 9 gold, 10 copper, 12 bronze, 10 silver, 19 platinum, & 329 aluminum; we resume walking. I hear something that sounds something like trumpets or trombones when a settlement up ahead comes into view seeing how the shark puppies began to 'dance' all of a sudden. I glance down to Stray Cat he has his eyes closed & listening to the music. These guys definitely have a great sense of hearing. Walking closer to the town after crossing a pink bridge, I see that the most buildings are made of the same style back in medieval times. This makes my anxiety increase but luckily their seems nobody is around due the event that's happening. My guess is that it's either a party or festival of sorts as the music is uplifting instead of being 'moody'. It seems to be right around the corner as the music is blaring at this point but not the type to be hurting your ears. Putting my back to the wall & closing my eyes I summon 'D 4 C' again if I can actually 'see through his eyes'. I mean I should seeing how it's, quote on quote, MY soul manifestation. Peeking around the corner of the building with my stand, I see a huge crowd of . . .

. . .anthropomorphic horses surrounding a much larger white one. Their are some that have wings (pegasi), others that have horns protruding from their heads (unicorns) & some that don't have any at all (most likely be normal ones). Their fur coats are as if somebody made them based off the Skittles candy. Looking at the one being surrounded & christ she must be at least 8 feet tall! My bet is that she's the ruler of sorts judging the way she's dressed, the crown she's wearing, her hair? Mane? is moving (there's not a breeze), I'm guessing she's the queen of this place. (Oh god is she the equivalent of the Pillar Men/Kars from Part 2?!) But that's not what only caught my attention, I nearly opened my eyes as a result, these guys are wearing closes similar to that of modern society back when I was alive on Earth & speaking perfect ENGLISH! The tall white one (fuck that's racist as hell) seems to be talking to one of them judging from by the way her mouth moves & eyes are positioned. But once she looks up she immediately notices my Stand & looks directly at it. This catches the attention of the crowd as they look in the same direction.

*FUCK!!!*

Panic begins to swell inside me but is washed away by relief when they all have confused looks on them when they see where I'm STANDING. That wasn't a pun god damnit. Not wanting to get a shitty start I open my eyes, tap one of the shark puppies to stay quiet & follow me, I begin to walk towards an alleyway between this building & another. Luckily it's just outside of my Stand's range to buy enough time. I hear the music slowly come to a stop as I make it around the corner as I call back my Stand.

celestia's PoV:
1 minute earlier

". . . From her new home in Ponyville."

After Spike has finished writing the sentence, the crowd around erupts in joy for my Twilight. Now that this worked all I can now fo- WHAT IS THAT?! I see some sort of rabbit creature peeking around the building as if it's surveying the environment then it looks at me. I can't read it with those strange eyes. The stare down we have lasts for at least 7 seconds until Twilight asks,

"Um what are you looking at Princess?"

I blink & it's gone. I look around me & see that my subjects are all looking at me with concerned & confused looks.

"It's alright my little ponies, it's just that my head hurts from these recent events & we would like to rest."

"We?" I hear somepony in the crowd say.

"Yes, we, as in me & my sister."

"O-o-of course your highness," Mayor Mare says, "I think we should all do same thing after everything that happened a couple of hours ago." I hear mummers of agreement among the crowd.

"Well then, fare well my beloved subjects I hope you all have a lovely rest of your day celebrating the Summer Sun Celebration!" With that I motion the guards to follow me to the chariot. They put the harnesses on themselves that allow them to carry the chariot, & so we fly off to Canterlot.

*Just me & my sister. . .

Oh Lulu I'm glad to have you back & never want us to go through that. But what was that creature? Can I even consider it one as I was the only one to see it. Or more importantly can my sister see it as well once she regains her natural magic back? Was it an after effect made by Nightmare Moon? So many questions but I'll deal with it later in the future after I deal with the nobles when I make Luna's existence come into light.* I mentally prepare myself for what's about to come.

Valentine's Pov:

That tall one left with a indigo blue mare in a fucking ridiculous type of vehicle. If I was transported by other means I would likely be dead at this point. I see the crowd still staying but then they all begin to walk into the tall cylindrical building with a balcony close to the top. I use this opportunity to walk back towards the pink bridge. Going around it to be underneath it, I set my bag down & pick Stray Cat to bring her closer to river to drink. Taking out the pokeballs I release every one them to have a drink.

I plan on how to greet the locals just to get rid of the band aid. A lot of scenarios go through my head & most of them have the townsfolk chasing me with weapons. The cliché torch & pitch forks thing you see in stories & movies. If I'm forced to run in those situations it's because of a whole damn simple reaction. It's not because I'm scared it's because if I choose defend myself it'll put me in a damn bad spot where I have their people hunting me down like a goddamn animal. *Well fuck it I guess we'll just have to wing it.* After they're done I put the Pokemon back into the pokeballs then putting Stray Cat onto one of the shark puppies to hitch a ride. It's so adorable, I kneeling down to one knee to look at Stray Cat I say,

"Let's get this clear, can you not kill anybody unless we're under absolute danger. I don't want us to be labeled as murderers of this place."

I walk out underneath the bridge with a plan of walking back into the town look for a flower shop or similar to that degree for Stray Cat only to see a anthropomorphic lizard to look at me in a mix of fear & curiosity when I walk out from underneath the bridge.

Spikes PoV:
I sigh as I walk out of the town hall.

*It's just like back at Canterlot when everyone would avoid me for being a dragon. The only reason they even bother to tolerate me is because they know I have close ties to the princess.* Tears threaten to come out from my eyes. *Nothing's changed.* I hear something similar to that of a puppy barking & I look up to see a pony in an silvery white outfit with a locks similar to Aunt Cadance walking away from the town hall.

"Huh?"

My curiosity is peaked but I'm worried of who they are. Are they friendly? What are they doing? Questions begin to take place in my head but more importantly, do they appreciate dragons? Finding a new found set of courage I begin to walk in the same dirt path of the individual. Oh wait, what about Twilight? but looking back, it looks like she doesn't even know I'm outside. She's probably hanging out with her new friends. So after deciding on to follow the individual I begin walking in the same direction. It seems that he's heading in the same direction as Sweet Apple Acres. I keep a good distance as to not alert them of my presence. After walking bit I see them walk underneath the Ponyville bridge then see flashes of red as a popping noise similar to that of teleportation spell being used. Once again my curiosity is peaked so I walk closer to the bridge I hear same popping noise.

*Just what are you doing? Then I hear a something to that of a stallion's voice, "Let's get this clear, can you not kill anybody unless we're under absolute danger. I don't want us to be labeled as murderers of this world." Murderers?! Panic begins to swell inside. *What does he mean by that?* But before I can do anything I am soon facing a strange looking creature. That's not a pony. It looks more like a Diamond Dog if they decided to shave their face. Their eyes are smaller same goes for it's nose, ears on to the side just like me, a mane is similar to that of Applejack's in terms of color but it has so many curls at the end just like Cadance, & their body is built similar to those pegasi guards back in Canterlot. Its expression is that surprise as if it didn't realize it was being followed.

"Umm, hi?"

Author's Note

Which one do you guys prefer.

Funny Valentine: Part 2

"Ummm, hi?"

I look at the lizard. . . dragon preteen? That's just my guess, he (judging from his voice) could be centuries old. I'm just gonna ask.

"Excuse me for my bluntness but are you perhaps a dragon?"

He begins to dawn a worried look on his face. *Why is he- Don't tell me that this place has racial superiority.* "Ummm, yeah I am."

"Huh . . . that's neat. May I ask you a few more questions? If that all right you or you have the time."

The young drake looks behind him as if he is looking for someone then too me.

"Yeah, I've got time. Can I ask you some in return?"

"Splendid, also yes. Now my first question is that do you have a place where I can look or buy a map of this country because I have lost mine earlier."

"Y-yeah, I know a place, come follow me."

"Thank you good sir." Well so far so good, now I just have to wait for the government's & populace's response. I turn towards the shark puppies & whistle that were moving then I turn at Stray Cat giving him a look to hold back to which he nods & meows in acknowledgement. Now I need to make up a convincing lie for myself when they ask about where I come from because I don't want be experimented on or shipped off to a mental asylum then have my shit & companions taken. Last thing I need is this place have the fall of Rapture or Columbia. As we were walking a bit as I was making a background story when the young drake asks,

"My name is Spike by the way & if it's not too much to ask, may I ask what species are you as well as your pets? Because I have done a bit of reading of the world & never saw your race in the book of ' Different Races from all over Gaia'."

So this planet is called Gaia huh kinda like Earth or Terra then. I turn to look at him & non-chantly say, "I am a human being or if you want to be more scientific Homosapien," It's not like they've seen any humans before but the possibility of another person being transported here the same way like me is very high seeing how Loki has done this shit before, "& the reason that you haven't seen my race in any books published here is because we secluded ourselves from the rest of the world a very long time ago. As for my companions here I don't even know they just followed me on my journey." I lied, there's a good possibility that there is someone else who ended up here like me right now but they're transported across the country or the world.

"Um why did you guys seclude yourselves?"

"Because we are the most flawed species to ever walk this planet. Literally anything can put us six feet under the ground or water. We don't have hard scales, wings, fins, super strength, or the ablity to cast magic. As result we were bullied by the other races because of how weak we are. The only reason we managed to live this long was because of our tenacious will to survive."

He looks a sad at the thought as if he knows what it's like, "So how about-"

I cut him off abruptly, "If your going to ask where I am from I can't answer that due to how they drugged, blindfolded me, & numbed my senses to prevent from the past repeating."

"Then why-"

"The government from where I am would rather have them let them tell them rather than have them sneak behind our backs doing that stuff illegally & selling us out."

This should be a decent enough story to throw them off me. Now that I think about it, if the corpse parts are here then I have to do quite of bit of research, specifically history, in order to decide on what to do with them. Going back to Earth is out of the question seeing how that I'm dead back there & even if I do who's to say that I'll return back to myself or be outside. All I know I could be put inside the coffin buried alive. I shudder at the thought of the entire JoJo fandom pressuring me to become the President of the United States. I see a large tree with several windows, a couple of balconies, & a door in the middle of the trunk.

"What is that place?"

"Oh this the public library of Ponyville."

*Fucking Ponyville? Why do I get the feeling that I'll see more horse puns in the future.* Clearing the thoughts out my head he opens the door leading inside but I stop & ask.

"Do I have be a citizen of this nation in order to check out a book?"

He lifts up a finger to say something but lowers it back down, "I'm not sure actually. Also pets are allowed in as long they're well trained."

We head inside the building I close the door behind me using D4C after the shark puppies & Stray Cat pass through & the sight before us is messy. There are streamers, food, paper plates, & cups all over the place. Not messy like the college parties mind you but still messy. It's a lot bigger in the inside & my guess is that magic has a huge part here.

"He he. Sorry about the mess the ponies here had a party several hours ago."

"It's fine seeing how the place isn't trashed. I'll help you clean this up but first do you know where I can put my duffle bag & bow down?"

"Um no I don't but you just place it by the stairs."

I look towards the direction of he's pointing & see the stairs. Makes sense seeing how there's a second story judging by windows outside. I whistle to catch the attention of shark puppies who immediately stop & look at me. I move my head towards the general direction of the stairs which they understand. I put my bag down then tell them not to go up & Stray Cat gives a nod to which he'll watch them. As we're picking up the trash I notice that some the books have a weird text or something this catches my attention. Mentally scolding myself for such a major error, I can't believe I was under the assumption that the written language would be same. Cleaning the trash from the floor was relatively quick & easy. He notices me staring at the books writing with a confused look on my face.

"Um not too be rude but can you not read?"

"I can read but not your written language. I'm still amazed that we speak the same language but out of curiosity what is the most spoken language across the globe?"

He ponders for a bit then says "If I have to guess it would Equish, then Griffic, & Mexicolt."

I'm using D4C to physically restrain me from face palming myself. *Those shitty horse puns, so I'm guessing those are synonyms to English & Spanish but I'm not sure for Griffic though. What's next Neighponese?*

"Thank you for using your time for showing me the way to the library. Now would you kindly tell me where I can get a place to sleep & yes I do have the money." As I pull out my pouch filled with these bits.

His eyes go wide that's not a good sign. Did that fucking god just scam me? I-

"How do you have aluminum?!"

*Huh?*

"Not even the nobility up in Canterlot have a lot of aluminum, even those that do have them don't even have that much on them, I mean to carry physically around with them."

*Nobility huh? This place's government is either an absolute monarchy, constitutional monarchy, or a feudalist country as hinted by the tall white one earlier.*

"So about that hotel?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I show you right now as a thank you for helping me. Usually I'm just the only how cleans up after everypony else."

*Everypony? That's a very supremacist word if ever heard of one. The way his tone of voice changes near the end really supports my theory about this place having some sort of supremacist propaganda. Well time to change the world with one small step. I hold out my hand towards him saying,

"Well then Spike if this isn't too much to ask would you like to be my friend?"

He looks up at me with a look of pure disbelief as if this has never happened to him before. I wonder if this is what befriending the quiet kid feels like.

"I would love to be your friend ummmm. . .?"

"Oh my apologies for not giving you my name earlier. It is Valentine, Funny Valentine & I hope our friendship will be a great one." I tell him as I shake his hand.

Author's Note

Sorry for not posting sooner, work is been tiring for me barely have time for myself to write this story. Also I hated the how the series showed spike as a simp & slave throughout the entire franchise like SAO.

Funny Valentine Part 3

"I'm sorry for getting emotional its just tha-"

"-That no one wanted to even bother to . . .

Properly acknowledge you. Am I correct?"

Spike lowers his head in sadness. "It's that a majority of ponies here just treat me like I'm sort of wild animal or as an exotic pet, my adopted family-"

I cut him off mid sentence after that tad bit of information grabs my attention,

"Please forgive me but what do you mean your adoptive family?"

"Oh? Umm so yeah I don't know my actual birth parents as I was found as an abandoned egg from what my family & princess told me."

"Princess?"

"You know princess celestia? The one that rules all over Equestria."

"She's that tall white one with the rainbow hair that 'magically' flowing right. . . ?"

"Yes! That's her anyway she-"

"Wait hold on, how is she the ruler? Isn't the Queen or more specifically the King supposed be in charge? If they 'passed on' why hasn't she taken the title of Queen?"

Spike raises his claw but back down, "you know that has never actually has occurred to me now that you tell me about it. Anyway the princess told that she was just wandering around silver sholes on her vacation when she found my egg laying on sandy beach. Then I was hatched by my big sister when she trying to pass her entrance exam."

God I hope my face remains neutral because internally I'm fucking having a panic attack. There are several possibilities on how he was "adopted". *She doesn't want to change her title because it makes her easier to approach. She's a damn chess player that uses psychological manipulation doesn't she? What does he mean that they found him abandoned? I'm calling bullshit on that story seeing how earlier he just told me that these damn ponies are extremely supremacist although they're not actively enforcing it. But then again what he says could be true & I'm just letting my emotions take control. Their are too many possibilities in this damn equation. I'm going to have to have do some very extensive research on the entire world's history before I start pointing fingers. But one's thing for certain she must not find about the corpse parts.*

"My adoptive family is super affectionate towards one another & I used to live up in Canterlot with a Unicron family. My parents are Nightlight & Twilight Velvet are Nobility, brother is the captain of the Royal Guard, my sister is the student of princess celestia herself, & I'm her assistant & messenger in helping my sister. I have a group of friends up in Canterlot before we left to move hear. Their names are Lemon Hearts, Colgate Minutte, Moon Dancer, Twinkle Shine & Lyra Heartstrings. So that's pretty much the jist of my life so what's yours?"

*Yeah no I smell some fucking fishy shit the moment he mentioned 'assistant' & nobility. You poor bastard they only wanted be friends because you have very close ties to the nobility.*

"Well for starters I was born in The United States of America on September 20, 18-

*oh shit! I don't even know the date here! Do they even measure the same as back on Earth?*

-47 my father was in the U.S. army before he went missing on mission for my country. Which inspired me to follow in my father's footsteps but I retired earlier due to 'certain events'. Now I wish to travel the world in search of knowledge that my people never have witnessed before."

"What do mean 'September'?"

"It seems that we have different measurements in time. September is the name of one the months during the fall. There are 12 months in a year, 365 days in total. Now may I ask how do you. . .

People measure time?"

"I'm sorry that I can't answer that cause I don't know how to answer that properly." He looks down in sadness.

"It's fine it was just the heat in the moment. About that hotel or house now."

"Sure after we clean the li-" he looks around to see that it's all trash is picked up & in bags while books are where they belong. "Nevermind time really does fly by when your talking about something with a friend. Twilight is going be so jealous that I know something that she doesn't."

He proceeds to do a weird victory dance seemingly forgetting that he has an audience specifically me, stray cat, & the shark puppies who have a blank look in their eyes. I swear to god that I saw a sweat drop appear on Stray Cat's face like in all shounen anime when I looked at their direction. Spike realizes that he wasn't alone & blushes in embarrassment.

"Sorry for that. But can ask you one more thing? Earlier when I was . . .

. . .following you, what was that red flashing light?"

*Shit how much did he see, more importantly hear? Well might as well tell him just to rip the band-aid off. My body tenses up as Stray Cat narrows his eyes at Spike as if he was gonna do anything. So I quickly say,

"What I am about to show you will remain between us for the time being as until decide to do the same with the others." I say with all seriousness I can muster in my voice. It must've caught the others off as well seeing I how the playfulness just evaporate from the shark puppies.

Spike begins to look scared, I notice this so I relax my posture & tone.

"I'm sorry if my change of tone startled you it's just that feel completely comfortable with doing this."

"It's alright that you don-"

"No I it's fine. Might as well get this over with."

I reach into my left pocket a full out the yellow striped black pokeball & notice that it's no bigger than a large marble. Spike looks really confused of what I have in my hand. These can shirk or expand making it easier for storage if I recall correctly.

"Do you have epilepsy?"

"Huh?"

"I'm just asking for your safety because I don't want to end up hospitalizing the only person who helped me by flash banging them in the face."

"Oh um noooo?"

"I don't know how to properly explain it as I'm not very knowledgeable in the medical field but from what I've read & understand is that you'll begin to a have some sort of seizure on the ground caused from flashing lights. Normally it won't do anything if we were outside but seeing how we inside & I'm not ready to show them to the public just yet, I want you to be absolutely honest to me. So tell has this incident happened to you in the past?"

Spike takes several seconds to recollect himself before saying,

"No."

"Do you have a pair of sunglasses though? Just to be safe."

Spike walks past my companions & bag to go upstairs. Guess that answers my question. I inhale then exhale the worry out out of my body as begin to expand the Pokeball to the size of a baseball maybe a bit bigger just as Spike comes back down. Spike's eyes widen in shock & surprise before it's replaced by excitement as if the conversation we had several seconds prior didn't matter before putting his sunglasses on.

I look down at my hand holding the Pokeball before saying,

"Hey whoever is in there be ready cause about to release you."

Spike now looks at me as if I gone crazy. So with further notice I dropped the Pokeball onto the floor. The Pokeball bounces a couple of times before rolling a very short distance away from me. Spike was about say something before a bright flash engulfs the room in bright white light. Spike shouts in surprise before the light dies down & it reveals. Riolu all in his or hers (don't know these guys' gender yet) former glory by being asleep on the damn floor next to the Pokeball. *Can they even hear me in those damn things?* Spike gasps in surprise as he tosses the sunglasses aside before rushing towards the sleeping Riolu but I grab him by shoulders.

"Spike wait I going to have to wake Riolu up cause they don't recognize you & I don't want you to get hurt because of my mistake."

He smiles at with tears beginning to leak out. *Damn they must treat you like a piece of property or experiment then.*

"Oh okay thanks for looking out for me."

Walking towards the Riolu I gently nudge them wake them up while grabbing the Pokeball.

"Riolu? Bud? I want you to meet a friend of mine I just made today."

Riolu begins to stir, then slowly getting up to sitting position with a yawn like a human would do in an anime. They shake their head before standing up to look then over at Spike who looks with an unsure amazement.

"Now would be ever so kind & introduce yourself over to Spike the Dragon over there."

Riolu then walks over to Spike who now looks he's about pass out or run for it. Riolu walk until they're & at least a foot apart until they hold out their paw out to Spike to make a handshake. Spike looks a bit unsure but ultimately accepts the handshake until they say,

"Riolu."

"IT CAN TALK?!"

"Yes they can & they're limited to saying their species name but their are very few who can talk English not including the telepathic ones."

I look down at Riolu to which they're giving me a WTF look to which I say,

"Don't give me that look. I didn't want to offend you by guessing your gender wrong. Besides you can give me that bit of info later once I solve this entire fiasco in a minute."

I look back at Spike who is now at eye level with Riolu,

"So in short what you're seeing is a Pokemon they come in all shapes & sizes. I don't have time to properly explain it to you but in short they are a type of monster that have all kinds of abilities ranging from ice to flying to psychic. So now I need you to keep this between us for the time being because of the amount of fear they will cause to the general public."

"I understand that but this is a first. I have never seen a creature like that before! It's so cute! I kinda want one now."

Riolu looks away in embarrassment & saying their name but I can pretty much figure out what they said.

"The reason is because most of them are friendly but is what they can do will terrify the populace. And no I will not say anything to you just yet because I don't want you to do anything brash or live in constant fear. Please just let this be between us for the time being I don't want both of my friends to be gone."

Spike & Riolu both look up in surprise when my voice begin to crack. I feel something wet running down my cheeks. Fuck me am I crying?!

"Oh okay but has something like this has happened before?"

"I'm sorry but that's a big touchy for me."

I lie once again, Riolu can tell I did.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know."

"It's fine," as wipe my tears off with my sleeve, "As they say where I'm from 'No harm, no foul'. I hope."

"Now then Riolu." To which catches the small Pokemon's attention, "Now that you are of the Pokeball would you like join us for a walk or would you like to go back inside the Pokeball?"

The small Pokemon ponders for several seconds until it motions that she wants to walk. I clap my hands together.

"Gureto Daze! Now let's head on over to town hall for to see if their is any houses available. But first where do I put the trash bags?"

"You can put'em near the door outside the trash pony will pick em up."

I walk on over the duffle bag whistling that we are about to leave to which they get up & walk towards the door. Slinging the bow & strap over my shoulder once again we head out the door. I have a trash bag in each hand with Spike holding one as well. As I put the bags in between the mail post & door as Spike said 'near' I ask him,

"Do you have the key?"

"Huh?"

"For this door because I'm about to lock it & don't want to have you to break in your own library just to open the front door."

The realization sinks in as he begins to check his pockets until checks his sweater & pulls it out.

"Yes I do."

"Alright then let's go."

We really didn't have anything else to talk about or to start a conversation with during the walk back towards town hall as we pretty much discussed (well Spike did anyway) things to state each other's curiosity for the time being. Riolu is just looking around admiring the town as it's devoid of ponies at the moment just behind me with the Shark puppies.

*I'm going to have to very careful on what I say & do around the natives if I'm going to be living here for the rest of my life. I don't want them have accusing me for something 'normal' for me but highly disrespectful for them. I look at Spike & think sadly, *I wonder how long I can keep this masquerade up before he learns about the truth.*

Once again it didn't really take long to reach Town Hall but it wasn't short either. *Is that dubstep playing in background? This place seems to be fucking me the longer I stay here. Spike looks back & notices I'm beginning to become nervous.

"Hey it's alright I will be there with you to help ease the town folks."

"I know but what if they don't accept me as an individual but rather than a animal or object. Like how you told me that most didn't even acknowledge you as person."

He stays quiet for a few seconds until he says,

". . . I know why did but I don't think it will help you like it did with me."

"That's fine I guess your support will be-" I stop abruptly as I see 3, no 6 figures coming out of the building before they stop a couple meters away.

"SPIKE! There you are!"

Twiggy's PoV:

*This is what Friendship is like?! Why didn't I try this sooner?

As I dance like their is no tommorow I begin to notice something or 'somedragon' is missing. Where is my baby brother? I stop dancing & begin to ask several of the town's ponies where Spike is over the loud dubstep to which they respond with,

"Who?"

"Whom?"

"Uhhhhhh. . . "

"No idea."

"HAYBURGER"

"What do they look like?"

Ignoring the that delicious statement I begin to describe what he is to the town ponies but they begin to panic so I stop in sadness.

*I was really hoping that the ponies would be different than those ponies up in Canterlot.*

"Hiya Twilight! Why the looooooong face? :pinkiehappy:

"I was wondering where Spike has run off to."

"Oh that's easy he went outside."

"What why?!"

"Well I was about to stop him but SOMEPONY! forgot something. :pinkiesmile: As she looks up towards the ceiling which I soon followed to see Rainbow Dash doing some tricks. That's a safety hazard right there.

"Well then I gonna go look to see if he's still there."

As I head towards the door I feel a breeze as something passes by me.

"Annndd where are you going?" As Rainbow Dash flys in front me blocking the door.

"I'm going to look for Spike to see if he is still outside."

"Who?"

*Ugh. Not this again!*

"My assistant!"

. . . . .

"BABY DRAGON!"

"Oh him! Now that you mention it where is his scaley behind anyway? He's missing out Please Pie's party!

Refraining myself from scolding Rainbow Dash for that remark I say with a bit of malice,

"Just please move out of my way I really need to check up on him."

"Oh okay I'll get the others to help then." Ignoring the hostility in my voice or not even acknowledging it as she flew off to gather the other element bearers.

I walk out through the doors to hear several footsteps coming out. I turn around to see that the entire gang is here out with me.

"Um Twilight isn't that Spike over there but um who's with him?"

I look towards the direction of which fluttershy is pointing & see Spike walking backwards.

"SPIKE! There you are!" But I notice he's talking to a complete . . . Stranger.

*What is that?*

"Oh my what an interesting design of clothing it's wearing. I wonder who made it for it."

Igonoring Rarity's opinion of what style of clothing it is wearing, this thing must have noticed us before we even fully came outside. The music playing in background is slowly getting weaker we just stare one another as if we were having a magical stand off. From the looks of it I can tell that it's a male from its body shape & face despite its mane looking like my babysitter's mane style. *Cadance is not going to be happy if she sees this. What is he holding*. The wind picks up as it . . .
he moves its limb to it's forehead, making its clothing & mane move giving it an even more menacing aura.

We stare at each for several seconds but it felt like hours until it did the most unimaginable thing I seen. It spoke perfect Equish.

"Yo, Ponies." As it did a two finger salute.

Author's Note

https://c.tenor.com/ubl4QbawaT8AAAAd/funny-valentine-d4c.gif

Doesn't fucking let me for some reason.

Edit forgot to add this:

https://m.