Fluttershy Learns to Read and Becomes an Alicorn
Then She Goes and Rule the World
Fluttershy Learns to Read and Becomes an Alicorn
by iAmSiNnEr and Decaf
"You can do it!" Fluttershy cheered as she looked upon the scene. Angel was trying to do ten million pushups, and was on nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine.
The bunny huffed and puffed, his ears flopping at the side, his exhaustion causing them not to be upright as usual. Fluttershy knew that rabbits kept their internal organs in their ears, and they needed to be upright to function properly. "Just one more, Angel, just one more!" The pegasus encouraged. "You can have all the carrots you want after this!"
Unfortunately, Angel hated carrots, so he gave up and died.
Wait, what was that?
Fluttershy knew that his heart wasn’t supposed to explode, but it did anyway.
"Oh no!" She cried out. "Anyways…"
“Hello Fluttershy!” said Rainbow Dash.
"Hi Rainbow!" Fluttershy waved. "Angel exploded while exerting himself again, could you get Twilight for me so that she can raise him from the dead?"
Rainbow Dash scratched her head. "How many times has that happened this week, again?"
“It’s been fifteen times, which is normal.
"Twi's not gonna be pleased," Rainbow shrugged. "She already raised him from the dead so many times, she probably is quite irritated at this point, since she had to break out that weird book several times."
“If she would teach me how to read, then I wouldn’t need her help,” said Fluttershy.
"You don't have a horn to do necromancy," Rainbow pointed out. "So even if you could read the spell it'd be useless."
Fluttershy sighed. “I just want to read, Rainbow. Read and raise the dead. Is that so much to ask?”
"Tell that to the princesses," Rainbow did a random loop in the air. "They
might be able to give you a horn, they gave Twilight wings."
“I’ll go do that,” said Fluttershy. Then she goes to do that.
Exiting her door, she flapped her wings and ascended into the air, heading for Canterlot. "Do you still want me to call Twilight for help?!" Rainbow yelled after her.
Fluttershy didn’t hear Rainbow Dash. She was too busy leaving her behind for no reason.
Rainbow shrugged. "I guess she didn't hear me," Pulling out a beach chair from absolutely nowhere, she sat down. "I'll wait for her to get back so I can ask the question again."
“I’m dead,” said Angel, just in case Rainbow Dash didn’t remember.
“Yes, you are,” said Rainbow Dash."And I don't really care. I just listen to Flutters so she doesn't use the Stare on me."
"Understandable," Angel nodded, before going back to being dead and allowing us to return to our main character Fluttershy.
The day would have been beautiful if it wasn’t so ugly. Fluttershy flew through the sky like she had wings.
She looked back at her tail. I should really get more extensions, she thought. It's not long enough. It was only fifty feet long. All the cool ponies had sixty foot tails. She remembered when Gabby Gums exposed her tail extensions. She didn't cry because of that, she cried because her tail was too short in the picture.
Maybe if Fluttershy learned how to read, then she could learn how to make her tail longer. She flew even harder to find the secret to literacy.
Five hours later and sixteen mares who cried for no reason later, she landed in front of the Canterlot Palace. She then proceeded to walk in, ignoring the guards and heading up to Princess Celestia's room.
Fluttershy kicked down the door. Pulling out a megaphone, she pressed the button. "WAKE UP!" she yelled. "PRINCESS I NEED YOUR HELP!"
Celestia was asleep until she wasn’t. Then she was awake.
“What,” she said.
"What is not what you should be asking, for the universe is deeper than a simple question like what. You should know better, Princess." Fluttershy said calmly.
Celestia laughed. “Oh Fluttershy, you’re just mad because you’re angry that you can’t read. Maybe if you grew a unicorn horn, then you would become literate. I’m very smart, because I am Celestia.”
"But if you are smart do you know what is nine plus eleven?" Fluttershy queried. "If you fail the question you need to give me a horn."
“Easy. Ninety-eleven. You would know that if you had an alicorn brain.”
"Wrong," Fluttershy countered. "Even a fool knows the answer is twenty-one. Now, give me a horn or I'll use the Stare."
“Oh Fluttershy, we all know you have to be able to read to use to stare, and that only ponies with horns can read. I’m going to give you a horn if you promise to only use it to bring back the dead.”
"I was going to do it anyway," Fluttershy answered. "Angel is dead and I want to bring him back to life."
Celestia wasn’t listening. She was too busy casting the spell that would turn Fluttershy into an alicorn.
They end up in the place with stars and memories.
"Sister!" A familiar voice bellowed. "What have you done?!"
“I taught Fluttershy how to read,” said Celestia.
Fluttershy laughed maniacally. “Now that I can read, I have the power to destroy the world!”
Luna froze. "Oh, Faust help us all." She whispered. "Celestia, you have doomed us all!"
“Of course,” said Celestia. “A little doom never hurt anypony.”
Fluttershy was reading books with reckless abandon, excited to know what the words meant.
"Spell to raise the dead…" she read aloud. "YES! With this I can raise all the dead I want and take over the world with Angel and his ancestors!"
“Don’t read the spell!” said Luna. “Do you have any idea what happens when you bring someone back from beyond the veil?”
"I don't give a sh-"
"LANGUAGE!" Faust shouted, poking her head through a dimensional tear. "We're PG rated!" She then drew her head back through the dimensional tear.
“If you say shit, you die,” said Celestia. Then she died.
"Good as any other place to test the spell," Fluttershy cast the spell, and Celestia was revived from the dead. "It works."
“Oh no,” said Celestia.
“What was dead like?” asked Luna.
"I saw Mother," Celestia answered. "She told me she was disappointed in me."
Luna nodded. "Sounds like her."
“I don’t care about your backstory!” shouted Fluttershy. “I just want to have my pet bunny do ten million pushups and rule the world. Is that too much to ask?”
"Yes," Luna answered.
"No," Celestia replied. “Everyone deserves to rule the world.”
“I knew you would understand,” said Fluttershy.
Three hours later,she was back at her home. Using her new horn, she raised Angel from the dead.
“I’m not dead anymore!” said Angel.
“Do pushups,” said Fluttershy. Angel did one last pushup, hitting ten million. Fluttershy raised Angel's ancestors from the dead, and went to rule the world.
Author's Note
This is what we call quality shitposting at its finest, and when two shitposters come together.
