To Linger In A Place Where You Don't Belong (fade)

by applejackofalltrades

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Rainbow Dash, Sad, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 1632

Rainbow Dash lives through a repetitive nightmare. She just wants it all to stop.

Rainbow Dash lives through a repetitive nightmare. She just wants it all to stop.

Written for a Quills and Sofas Speedwriting panic where we were given a list of randomly generated drawing prompts to pick from and write with. I won’t list the ones I used because I ended up using multiple. Very few minor changes were made to this story.

CW for: blood, derealization, implied death, implied suicide

Published 2021-08-31 17:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-08-31 17:20:00 UTC

please wake up

Rainbow Dash did not like her life.

In the morning, the unholy sobbing would scare Rainbow Dash half to death and fully onto the floor before she realized that it came from somewhere within her.

The exact same awful routine as always. Wake up screaming, crying, shake it off, brush her teeth. There was never time for breakfast, but she was never hungry, anyway. No, she woke up nauseous without fail.

Most ponies would say Rainbow Dash was lucky. Her house floated serenely above Ponyville. The large, spacious cloud home would have served to make Rainbow’s life easier. Since it was made of cloud, it was impeccably clean and bright white.

She would not agree.

As she stepped out onto the front of her home, the sky was bathed in that early morning colour. From way up high, it was blood red.

The clouds she lived on absorbed that false pigment, seeping in that dirty, bloody colour and forcing it to be right under Rainbow Dash’s hooves. It was like she was stepping in the sticky, warmth of that red she so desperately wished she’d never had to see.

Rubbing her eyes and stretching out her wings, Rainbow Dash sniffled and took to the sky, leaving behind her cursed home. No, it was not nice, and no, she wished she never had to be in it. But her parents had given it to her as a gift, which now that she had to provide for herself, was absolutely ridiculous.

If only she could be mad at them. She couldn’t be anything anymore.

The wind flowed through her wings, caressing her feathers with its cold grip. It was too early for the air to be warm, and instead, she suppressed a shiver as the cold crept through her primaries and into her skin.

Rose-red eyes drifted shut, and the wind ruffled Rainbow’s mane upwards.

She was falling.

“GAH!” Rainbow Dash yelped as the sickening sensation of unplanned free-fall finally caught up to her. She spread out her wings, allowing them to shoot her back up as the wind caught beneath them like a parachute. The sudden force of the wind against her wings made it feel like they would pop out of their sockets, but at least she hadn’t done that.

The screaming in her head came back. It was angry. Or sad? She didn’t know.

Shaking it away, Rainbow flapped her wings again, ignoring the pain until it completely drained away, and continued through the sky. Her hooves skimmed treetops as she flew further and further away from her home and from Ponyville. Afraid to look back, Rainbow kept her gaze forward to where the sun had been rising. Always forward, never back.

Her entire mouth felt parched, drier than the fields surrounding Appleoosa. Had she forgotten to drink water? Knowing her, probably. She wanted to stop, to find a stream or something, but she knew that if she stopped, she would end up back where she didn’t want to be.

The sky was blue around her, but the clouds that followed her were red. This time, a rusty red. The kind of red that would only emerge on an old bike left out in the rain for too long. The kind of red that a crowbar would be if left abandoned on a porch.

The kind of red that seemed to follow her.

Angrily, Rainbow flew. She flew for what seemed like hours until the trees below her became sand and dirt and dust. She flew until her wings wouldn’t work, but even then, she flew.

It was a cacophonous disaster all around her. Voices called her name, begging, pleading, crying. Voices that Rainbow Dash had known once. Voices she could pin to a pony, if only she was able to imagine them.

Her stomach lurched as she found herself in free-fall again. If her stomach wasn’t empty, she would have emptied it into the sky above her. For once, she was glad she had skipped breakfast. Holding down a mouthful of stomach acid, Rainbow Dash forced the wind beneath her wings to obey her and hauled herself back up the air.

It was like breaking through a barrier. Like flying through molasses.

The sun hung in the air, threatening to drop below the horizon. Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. She hadn’t gone far enough, she had seen the same things, heard the same screams, and gotten nowhere. The ground below her eroded into nothingness. A ditch of black sand that seemed tar-like, despite its grainy appearance.

Rainbow Dash pushed her wings into flapping harder. It felt like they were going to fall off.

Holding out a hoof, she pushed down the voices and winced. She was almost there. Almost there. Almost there.

The sun, just out of her reach, dipped under the world, and Rainbow Dash fell.

Tears streamed from her eyes as she screamed and opened her eyes. Every time, the voices grew more desperate. She was trying. She was. Rainbow Dash promised, but they wouldn’t listen, so she stopped listening, too. They didn’t understand. She had to do it.

Rainbow pushed herself off of the cloud ground. Soft bedsheets covered her still but were a jumbled, wrinkled, balled-up mess. Wiping a tear away and sniffling, Rainbow Dash walked into her bathroom.

The cracked mirror reflected her fragmented image back at her. Splatters of blood stained the glass, but Rainbow Dash couldn’t remember bleeding any time recently, at least not here. She knew it was not hers, and they roared at her. She was lying.

After brushing her teeth purely for the sensation of having something to do, Rainbow Dash galloped out of the house. The bloody clouds stained her hooves this time. That was new. She wondered if anything else would change as she glared at the light she would chase again.

Heaving tear streaks permanently etched on her face in red, Rainbow Dash took off. She followed the light, flying faster and faster as the world disappeared from under her. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up.

No. She was awake, in a way. She knew that. She was living in a nightmare. Rainbow Dash swallowed the saliva building up in her mouth as she rationalized the thought again. She wanted to escape. She wanted to sleep and never wake up.

“I’m alive,” she lied.

She wasn’t happy about it.

Without warning, red, sticky liquid spewed from her mouth. It tasted like syrup. Rainbow clenched her eyes shut and the unfamiliar sensation wracked her body with sobs. At least there was one thing she could recognize.

Freefall.

She didn’t know if the screaming was her this time, or them.

It must have been them, her mouth was too full of BLOOD for it to have been her. It poured down her chin and onto the ground below her, catching her in its wet, warm embrace. She hated it.

Trudging through it, wiping her mouth mostly free of it, Rainbow Dash extended her wings. She did not fly. She did not take off.

Glued to her sides, her wings rested limply against her flank. If it wasn’t for the brownish-red substance holding them there, Rainbow Dash was sure they would have been on the floor instead.

She glared at the sun. There was still a chance. She could reach the light.

It stuck her to the floor, at least, it almost did. She ripped her hooves off the red glue and moved forward, inching closer and closer to the light. With every step she took, the hysterical sobbing intensified.

It never made any sense. She drowned it out.

Her legs grew heavy and her eyelids became anchors. Rainbow Dash couldn’t move. It was all white noise as the sun disappeared and she fell to the floor.

“Rainbow.”

Her eyes shot awake. The clouds were red already. She had slept in.

“Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash looked around. There was no time. She ran out the front door and was met with her shattered, bloody reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“Rainbow.”

Her hooves were bloody with the remnants of the mist. It never disappeared.

“Rainbow.”

She soared through the sky, reaching for the release of the light. She was never fast enough.

“Rainbow.”

The ground disappeared from under her. Inky darkness taunted her. She would have to be fast enough.

“Rainbow.”

She fell to the ground. It was hard, and she felt like she should have exploded, but she didn’t.

“Rainbow.”

She should wake up. Wake up. Please Rainbow Dash. You have to wake up.

“Rainbow.”

Rainbow, please. Please wake up.

She is awake.

Wake up! Please.

“Rainbow.”

The sun disappeared, but Rainbow Dash did not. She lay on the ground in a pool of BLOOD. Would someone find her? She hoped not. She had deliberately flown far, far away, where everypony could just forget her.

“Rainbow.”

She did this to herself. She hid, and hoped nobody would find her. She just wanted to escape, to reach the sun. But they would never understand.

“Rainbow.”

I would understand. Please wake up. You didn’t have to do this.

“Rainbow.”

The Element of Loyalty lay in a broken representation of herself. Red, sticky liquid surrounded her. Bawling ponies watched her twitch, chasing something they couldn’t see.

They each called her name, pleading. Their calls fell on deaf ears.

“Rainbow please wake up. I’m begging you please wake up. You didn’t have to do this, you should have just told us how you felt. We could have helped you.”

“Rainbow.”

“Rainbow please!”

“Please just wake up! They’re on their way.”

“We need you, Rainbow!”

I need you.

Finally. She reached the light and everything else faded away.

Author's Note