Failure, Eternally Retold, Part Three: Morality

"You're going to be a father," Fluttershy repeated, grabbing Kai by the hoof. "Can you believe it?" She guided his hoof to the base of her abdomen and pressed it against her flesh, just above her breasts.

For a minute, Kai couldn't stop staring. His mind was reeling from the reveal, and he couldn't bring himself to speak. Then slowly, his hoof began to gently caress the skin. "H-how?"

It was Fluttershy's turn to be shocked. "What do you mean, 'how?' Don't you know how foals are made?"

Kai pulled his hoof back and shook his head. "I know how it happened, I just..." he rubbed his face in exasperation. "How can I be a dad? This is... I can't be a father; it's not right!"

There was a loud beeping from the monitor next to Kai. His blood pressure was spiking, prompting the doctor to come over. "You have to calm down, sir. You're not quite healed yet."

Kai took a few deep breaths and the machine stopped beeping. As the doctor retreated, Fluttershy drew closer in. "I thought you'd be happy to hear the news. Most ponies celebrate when they hear that they're having a child."

"I'm not most ponies," groaned Kai, sitting up. "I'm sure most stallions would be great fathers, too."

Fluttershy sat down next to him and wrapped a wing around his waist. "You think you won't?"

Kai shook his head. "I can't be a good father. I wouldn't even know where to begin. You should learn how to be a father by watching your own. You know how that would turn out."

"You're nothing like your father. He was awful. You're nice."

"But what if I become more like him? What if I end up hating the kid? What if I throw him out and bash your head in with a candlestick? What if I--"

The machine began to beep frantically, telling Kai that he needed to calm down again.

"You're not going to do any of that," she assured, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "You're not that bad. All of those things you just rattled off show that you already want to protect them. And me, too. You're not a bad father. You're already trying to protect those you love."

"B-but I don't know how to feed it, how to change it, how to raise it without taking it out into the wild and hoping it survives... I have no idea how to raise a kid. I'm nowhere near ready."

Fluttershy thought for a moment, then nodded. "Lie down for a bit."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

Kai lay back down, confusion written all over his face.

"Now stay there for a moment, I'll be right back." She first made her way over to the doctor and whispered something to him. He nodded, and whispered something back, and Fluttershy left the room.

"It's normal, you know," he said, coming over to sit next to Kai. "I see it all the time."

"What is?"

"The panic of having your first kid, especially when you're not prepared. I'm not sure when you'll be back on your hooves, but when you have the time, there's lots of books on the subject. All of the techniques are easy to learn. As for loving the child, you'll probably feel it the first time you hold them in your hooves. It's totally rational to be afraid that you'll mess up. But with some sound preparation, you'll do just fine."

Kai turned to him. "How can you be sure? How do you know I won't fuck up this whole thing? I'm really new to this, and my parents weren't very good."

"How bad were they, really?"

"My mother's been lobotomized and still thinks I'm in prison. She's relived the same day every day for more than twenty years. She's that way because my dad beat her, and he threw me out. I was homeless as a colt while my dad lived in his manor. I don't want them to end up the same way."

"So don't do that."

"What?"

"You don't want your kid to be homeless? Provide a roof over their head. Keep them fed and groomed, and educate them. If you do any of that correctly, you're already a better parent than yours were, and without too much effort. If you do it right, you can spend your twilight years with just your wife, while your kids make sure that you're looked after."

"Easier said than done."

"Of course it is. Who ever said that things worth doing were easy? Eight years of medical school, and here I am, keeping you alive. Easy? No. Worthwhile? You tell me."

Kai nodded as Fluttershy returned. She was carrying two plates with her, one of which she gave to Kai. She was also carrying his cloak. "Why were you given this cloak?"

Kai shrugged. "Because Rarity insisted."

"Why did she want to give it to you?"

"Because I... saved her from a burglary."

"And why did you do that?"

"I just didn't want to see her come to harm, that's all."

"Right. You see? You didn't even know her at that point, and you thought to protect her. So what would you do if somepony harmed your kid?"

Kai opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn't want to say it, as it was excessively violent and potentially harmful to his relationship with her. "I would be quite put out," he enunciated.

She smiled and beckoned him to sit up. The plate had a sandwich and some asparagus spears. With a bit of coaxing, he began eating. The tavernkeep was very good with a frying pan.

Between bites, Fluttershy brushed her mane back over her shoulder. "I'm not about to pretend that I'm the greatest parent in the world. I've never done it before. I'm going into this just as blind as you. I know there's a lot to deal with, but you're not going to be doing it alone. I promise, I will be right beside you every step of the way. It won't just be your child. It'll be our child. We'll raise it together."

For the rest of the night, Kai's monitor didn't make so much as a peep. After the meal, he held Fluttershy in his arms, discussing what their future together might be until she fell asleep against him. He gently laid down after, softly stroking her mane as she snored against his bandages. He wasn't sure he would be any good at parenting, but if Fluttershy kept holding him by the hoof, he was willing to give it everything he had. Not for his sake, but for hers, and for the sake of their child.