Failure, Eternally Retold, Part Three: Morality

As the fire died down, Nik leaned back. Twilight and Spike had left to look over his binder again to make sure they were prepared. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were unlikely to come chat, but he was expecting Fluttershy to show up at some point.

As he was thinking about what to do next, he was prodded by the butt end of a guard's spear. "Hooman. Princess Celestia requires your attendance in her tent, immediately."

Nik nodded and followed the guard to a yurt right in the middle of the encampment. It was taller than all of the other tents. The bulk of the guards had lean-tos, but the officers had bell tents. Still, the yurt stood taller. It was also the only white one, as the lean-tos were a selection of green, blue and red, whereas the bell tents were all pastels of similar colours.

The inside had a fair amount of furniture, with a couple of cots, a few folding tables, and a rollable bamboo slat floor with cushions. There were even a few candle stands strewn about. On the left of the entrance, a small, three-legged camping stove sat, still lightly burning with signs of recent use. There was also a wooden bowl with the remnants of a meal sitting nearby.

"There you are," came a voice. Celestia stepped out from behind a partition, cleaning a very large knife. She nodded to the guard, who bowed and stepped out. "So, I've met a few humans over the course of the last month. In all honesty, I'd have preferred we had this conversation long ago, but there were... complications. I had told my guards to escort you to me, and along the way, that order was misinterpreted several times. You never should have ended up in the dungeon in the first place."

Nik simply nodded. He didn't really have much of an answer.

"As for why we didn't speak back in town, I was trying to set up the last of this. The end of Equestria doesn't leave much time for pleasantries." She paused for a moment to inspect her blade, then went right back to cleaning. "Did you find your meal satisfactory?"

"It was fine, for its purpose. I'm under the impression that all humans will be leaving Equestria soon, so if this is just a temporary measure, I can stand behind it. If it were a permanent staple, then I'd certainly make some changes."

Celestia inspected the blade again, nodding satisfactorily and stowing it away in its scabbard. She then picked up another knife and began to clean that. "What sort of changes would you suggest?"

"There's a lot of salt and not that many seasonings. It's also a very minimal assortment of ingredients, picked with the express purpose of being amenable to all tastes by not really having any taste at all, but then salted up significantly to keep it from spoiling. That's fine for now, but if the humans are here to stay, then I would insist on more diverse meals. Being a chef, I could suggest a few changes that would result in happier humans, but this is fine for now."

"You're a chef?" Celestia raised an eyebrow. "I might have to look into that if you end up sticking around. We shall have to see. Now, then, I've had this thing brought in from another human we captured with a foul mouth. Since Twilight assures me that you can be trusted, I want you to explain it to me." She reached into a box and put something small on a table. "Oh, and feel free to sit."

Nik moved over to the table and sat down. "It's a bullet. Nine millimetres in diameter, with a split tip and high-pressure powder."

"That was fast."

"It's written on the back of the casing. Except the split point, that's something you just see."

"And the purpose?"

Nik sighed. "From my limited understanding, split points are made to cause more bleeding and kill by blood loss. Overpressure rounds mean that they have more force behind them, and are either going further before hitting something, or going deeper into the something they hit. It's an instrument of killing."

"Would the end result look like this?" She produced a metal claw and an empty casing.

"That's right."

Celestia nodded and took back all of the pieces. "That's what I thought had happened. It is good we've locked him away, then. He's killed a fair few of my guards. Now we know for certain." She locked them back in their box and stowed it away. "Thank you for that."

"Will that be all, princess?"

Celestia inspected her knife, decided it satisfactory, and sheathed it. "I have one more topic I wanted to discuss with you. This is not so pleasant a topic, and may result in a fair amount of discomfort, but for posterity, I need you to be honest."

Nik braced himself for the worst. "I will not disappoint."

"Have you had, or even attempted to have, intercourse with the ponies escorting you across the country?"

Nik swallowed hard. He hadn't, nor had he attempted to. The thought had occurred to him, as there were no human women around, and Twilight and Fluttershy walked around nude, but he'd never acted on it. "No, why do you ask?" He immediately regretted asking, as that would only serve to prolong the conversation, and cursed himself for answering with just a simple 'no.' That's exactly what someone who had done so would say.

"I have to ask, because more than a few humans have realized that the average human is stronger than the average pony, and have forced negotiators into... unseemly acts. We kept a tight headcount going in and coming out of designated human zones, but we can only act when we suspect that something is wrong. You, on the other hoof, have not been under such scrutiny.

"On that note, you can relax. I know you're telling the truth because I already asked Twilight about it. She says you've not done anything untoward during this event. For that, I am thankful to you, as you seem to have been well-behaved. Congratulations on becoming my favourite human. Not that there's a long list, so it's not the biggest achievement, but well done, regardless."

"Thanks, I guess," muttered Nik, shuffling in his seat. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

"Just one last thing. I doubt it's particularly comfortable in the wagon, considering how tall you humans can be. If you don't mind a guard checking in on you every few minutes, you're welcome to sleep on that." She pointed to a large cot with some large bedding. "If you refuse, you will be sleeping in the wagon. The choice is yours, both are equally safe. I just want you to know that you have the option."