Red's First Date

by Kiernan

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Slice of Life, Sex, Anthro
Length: 11556

Redsopine goes on his first date, but his demons are keeping things entertaining.

Redsopine Prism Dash has never before been on a date. Sure he'd asked mares out to dinner before to try and look cool, but he never expected one to take him up on his offer. So when one actually decided to indulge in him and go out to dinner, he was simultaneously aghast and terrified.

Everypony has demons that they carry with them. Red knows that better than anypony, as there are four that possess him on and off, sometimes just being housemates, sometimes influencing his life, and sometimes just disappearing for a bit. It can be helpful on occasion, but at other times, annoying. This time, they're deciding to be annoying.

My half of a trade with user Redsopine

Published 2021-11-21 09:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-03 07:00:10 UTC

Chapter the First: Sharp-Dressed Man

Red growled at the sight in the mirror. The necktie he'd put on looked stupid. It was three colours, a grey, a light blue, and a dark blue, running diagonally across the material in thin stripes. It didn't match his skin tone in the slightest, in fact, it clashed with his bright red flesh.

He ripped it off and tossed it back on the table, picking up a bowtie and tying it around his neck. This one had green paisleys that matched his mane, but the electric blue backing still looked like crap against his skin. He didn't understand why it all looked so horrible.

With a dissatisfied grunt, he tore it off and tossed it aside, pulling up another necktie. This one had red wavy lines running down the front, and came with a small while box. Inside the box was a tie tack, in the form of a silver eagle. He put it on, and while this one didn't look horrid, that was because it didn't look like anything.

"All of these ties suck!" he shouted, ripping it off and throwing it across the room.

Terra briefly lowered his newspaper. Covered in shaggy white fluff, he looked to be some kind of polar bear made from diamonds. "Perhaps if you put on your shirt first, you'd find something that works."

"Nothing works because ties are all bullshit! I can't go out looking like this!"

Terra slowly turned the page. "I agree. You should put on pants and shoes long before you leave. Standing there in nothing but your boxer briefs isn't doing you any favours."

Red sneered at him. "I'm wearing socks!"

"Oh, come off it, Terra," added Ignis, his fiery wings crackling behind him. "It's not like he's going to impress her no matter what he wears. Just look at him."

"You're both the same shade of red," mumbled Terra. "If you're insulting him, you must realize that you look just like him."

"That would certainly explain why nothing looks good on me," chuckled Red. "Because I look like him!"

"That's enough." Terra closed his paper and stood up. "Red, go change in your bedroom. Ignis, take your chisel and go fix your scales in the kitchen. Not another word will you speak to each other all night. Do I make myself clear?"

Rolling his eyes, Red stormed off without saying anything. It wasn't as if changing out in the living room was going to do him any good. No one was actually going to help him pick anything, and even if they did, it would need to pass his approval. Doing both would be an ordeal, and having a third party would just complicate the matter further.

With a floor-length mirror on the wall, he tried out a dozen ties, as well as a few he'd already rejected, hoping they'd look better if he stood a bit closer. Nothing seemed to work. He decided to go without the tie and just pick a shirt.

Unfortunately, there were just as many issues with the multitude of shirts as there were with the ties, if not more. These had all come off the rack, meaning none were actually fitted to him. Long sleeves were definitely out, as they either didn't come all the way down to his wrists, or extended past his thumb. The one that did fit had a rounded collar, meaning he'd mistakenly bought a shirt meant for females.

He tossed them aside and focused on the short sleeve shirts. Stripes and paisleys looked too gaudy, polka-dots looked too goofy, and plain flat colours showed a clear lack of effort. He was about to give up, but then he saw something buried way in the back. He pulled it out and held it up to the light.

He put it on and buttoned it up. The sleeves were long, but wide open at the ends, just begging to be rolled up. As he did, they puffed out nicely, accenting his biceps. The main section tapered nicely to his body, making his waist seem leaner and his chest more broad. The buttons were a marbled resin with a thin sheet of wood in the middle to simulate a grain. It looked surprisingly nice, and fit really well. It was perfect.

Ignis, on the other hand, was sitting in the kitchen, cutting away little tiny crevices in one of his discarded scales. He had a wall of them that were slowly turning into a red, orange and white display of intricate filigree. He had a few scales that needed cutting into right now, but that was because he'd taken some time away from carving into any due to the recent changes in his daily life. Now, he was back to it, though.

"Why the sour face?" asked Gelu, her icy blue wings flapping in his direction. "They run out of sponge cake at your favourite bake shop?"

"Nah, Terra chewed me out, is all."

"Why?"

"Red has a date tonight, and I was heckling him."

Gelu's eyes opened in shock, then quickly returned to their prior state. "I see. Well, I'm sorry I can't help you out with that. You'll just have to stew in that all your own. I have some plans of my own."

"With whom?" growled Ignis, his snarl betraying his thoughts.

"Some guy," she teased. "You'll find out later. In the meantime, I suggest you listen to what Terra said. He's very wise."

"And is the wise man always right?" grumbled Ignis to himself. "No, he can play the fool. It's always a mystery."

Gelu wasn't listening anymore, regardless. She'd walked out of the room, and even out of the building. She wanted to be the last demoness Red would see tonight. She took up a position just above the main door and waited for him. If he had a date outside the castle, he would need to leave through here. If his date was coming here, as unlikely as that was, they'd have to come in through here. Either way, she would be able to exact her vengeance on him, for making her twin brother feel bad, or for not telling her he had a date, she wasn't sure which. All she knew was that she was pissed, and Red would pay for his actions.

Chapter the Second: Keep the Faith

I'm not going to laugh," promised Terra. "I don't do that very often, regardless. You know me better than that. Unless you're dressed like some sort of clown, I'm sure you look fine."

"I feel like a clown," Red grumbled from behind the privacy wall. "All this extra clothing, the wacky mane, the shoes... Actually, no, I do like the shoes."

"Yes, it all looks strange," puffed Terra. "You look like some bizarre beastie from the third round of the seventh circle of the fourth hell.

"How do you know?"

"I don't. You haven't showed me yet. How can I possibly know what you look like?"

Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Red tentatively stepped out into Terra's view. "Well? Does it look weird, or what?"

Alongside the herringbone shirt, Red was wearing khaki denim pants, ironed to have a pronounced crease in the front. These were held up by a black braided belt with a silver buckle, with a decorative embossed goat head design. At the top of his shirt, he'd tossed out the idea of wearing a traditional tie, opting for a black suede bolo, instead, the clasp for which was the same one he often used for his cloak; a marbled jade disc. Up a little further, his green mane had been combed back and lightly oiled. He looked downright presentable.

"You clean up nice," nodded Terra. "Very handsome, clean and free of dirt and blemishes; you look good. She'll flip for you." As he looked over the outfit again, his smirk faded. "Combat boots? Really?"

"What? I polished them."

"Think about this for a moment. You're going to go on a date with a mare you only just met a few days ago. You looked rough-and-tumble when you met, and now that you've cleaned up, you're prepared to go directly into battle if she turns her head to look at your feet."

"Yeah, but I can't walk in high heels."

"I'm not asking you to wear high heels. But the rest of your outfit is begging for a standard dress shoe, or even a loafer. Steel-toed combat boots don't match."

"I'll look even goofier with those, and I'd be tripping over my own feet all night, which would make me feel and look like a clown. I'm comfortable in these, I feel like myself a little bit, and most importantly, I'm being honest with her. I think that's more important."

"And what are you going to say to her when she thinks you're there to fight her?"

"'You'll take my life, but I'll take yours, too.'" Red chuckled at his own joke. Terra pursed his lips, unimpressed. "'You'll fire your musket, but I'll run you through.'"

Terra took a deep breath. "Fine. If you want to wear your combat boots, do so. I don't make your decisions, I only deal with the fallout. At least they're not damaged, scuffed or gaudy."

"I said I polished them. You can see your face in the toe."

"I'll take your word for it. Do you have your wallet?"

Red's eyes popped open. "Of course I do." He shuffled over to his nightstand and picked it up discretely. "What kind of fool goes out on a date with a mare without being able to pay for things? Don't be ridiculous!"

Rolling his eyes, Terra tossed a few more bits on the corner of the bed. "Just in case you think things aren't going well, here's a buffer. Good luck tonight, I'll see you when you come back."

Red slipped the coins into his wallet as he walked out of the room. He was nervous, but he wasn't about to back out now. As he stepped out into the crisp evening air of the Everfree forest, he felt a chill run down his spine. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if he just turned around and went back inside. He was about to, but his hand froze on the knob. Something was compelling him to proceed with this date. Perhaps it was confidence, or perhaps he wanted to strike out in some kind of self-defeating ideal. He wasn't sure which, but he decided that he'd at least take the chance.

Turning away from the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, he strolled through the Everfree forest toward Ponyville. He was feeling a bit more confident with himself, and every step just puffed him up a bit more. So what if he had never been on a date before? She'd liked him enough to accept his invitation to dinner, he had Terra's advice on how to present himself, he had a plan for the night; there was no reason he had to worry.

No reason, that is, except the voice that was compelling him onward. With the deftest of movements, Gelu had slipped up behind him and taken a minor possession of him. She was still upset that he'd not told her about his date, and could not pass on the chance to mess with him, nor could she move on from this without seeing the little tart that had stolen his heart. She wasn't innocent, either, the little wench, so Gelu's revenge would include messing up her night.

As Red turned around the bend at the end of the bridge, he did not notice the little black kitty cat resting on a tree branch above. He was much more focused on reaching the place where he was supposed to meet his date.

Alas, this cat was not your average, run-of-the-mill Maine Coon, as a first look might suggest. Sure, he looked fluffy and playful, but behind those big yellow eyes was the mind of a demon, roiling with thoughts of things that could only benefit himself. Granted, that's how many cats think, but this one was an actual demon, as was often betrayed by his sabre-like fangs. He was Umbra, the black shadow that plods silently in the night. And what he saw now was an opportunity for fun. Red and Gelu were going into town, and that sounded like a fun time. He could totally mess with them.

Leaping down from the tree branch, he strode silently through the shrubbery. He could keep out of their sight easy enough, and muck about with their efforts without their noticing. He was convinced that whatever they were doing, tonight would be one that none of them would forget for a long, long time.

Chapter the Third: Fantasy Girl

Red looked up at the clock tower. There were still a good four minutes before eight o' clock, the time they'd agreed to meet here. He didn't want to arrive late, because that would only make it seem as if he didn't care, or worse, that he'd forgotten about their date. He was not about to flake, or seem the type to leave somepony high and dry. Especially not on the first mare who'd ever given him the time of day.

As the sun set over the western horizon, he looked up and down the street. It took him a few glances, but he saw her mane in a crowd coming from the south. There was no mistaking it; the bright violet , the vibrant red, the deep blue, and of course, the tall spikes rising up off of her neck. There could be no question.

Suddenly, Red cursed himself. While showing up late would have proven him untrustworthy, showing up too early was worse because it made him seem desperate. What's worse, he hadn't brought her any flowers. It was customary on your first date to bring flowers for your sweetie, and he hadn't picked any up.

In a panic, he thought about running to the nearest flower shop and picking up a bouquet, but he had no idea what she liked. There was the standard long-stemmed roses, but that was perhaps a bit too much. Carnations were nice, but this wasn't a high school dance. A lot of mares liked daisies, but if he presented them to her, she'd think it was a comment on her weight. Daisies were very fattening, it would be like giving her a box of chocolates. He'd be a real piece of work if he inferred that she was too thin.

As he was wracking his brain for some way of presenting himself to her without being incredibly insulting, something grabbed his shoulder. He jumped five feet in the air and yelped at the shock, then realized what had happened. "M-ms. Bluebonnet. Sorry, I was..." he didn't quite know how to finish that sentence, as he didn't know how to explain what he was doing without coming off as some kind of weirdo.

"You can call me Lupine," she smiled. "I'm off the clock, so we can forgo the formalities. Are you feeling alright, or did you want to reschedule?"

"I'm fine," he lied. "I'm not nervous at all. Why would I be nervous? That's ridiculous. Heh, heh..." He fidgeted with his hands a bit.

"I never said you were," she smiled. "And even if you were, that would be okay, you just need a cup of coffee to ease that burden. And hey, you're in luck, as that's where you're taking me tonight. Are you ready to go?"

With a tentative nod, Red took a step to the east, then immediately tripped over a cardboard box that had been placed there while he was having his meltdown. He was prevented from impact with the pavement by a rather burly stallion with a big, bushy beard. "S-sorry."

Lupine covered her mouth and chuckled before walking up to him and helping him back to his feet. "Come on, let's go."

They didn't encounter any more incidents on their way to the coffee shop. Red's right hand was shaking and sweating wildly the whole way there, but his left was cool and calm in hers. As they placed their orders and sat down, Red looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up a bouquet for you. I wasn't thinking."

She waved her hand. "Don't even worry about it. I'm a florist, I see bouquets every single day. Now, I might have given you a recommendation on what you might pick out for a different marefriend, but for now, don't worry about the flowers."

Red twiddled his thumbs a bit. He felt a little better. "So, you're a florist?"

"I'm a florist. And what do you do for a living?"

Red took a deep breath. "I never made it as a wise man. I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. And when you combine both of those, I guess it's no surprise that I was caught raiding the pantries of Canterlot Castle. Multiple times, actually."

"So you're a thief?"

"No, not anymore. I've cleaned up my act a bit, I tried mercenary work, and right now I'm just doing odd jobs here and there. However, the princesses did set me up with a place to live, so I'm definitely grateful for that."

"That would explain why you were wearing a carpentry belt when we first met."

"I, uh... I just came back from building a gardening shed. Some lady wanted one behind her cottage."

"And what did you do today?"

"I put the window in, and added shingles to the roof. I'm supposed to paint it tomorrow."

Lupine nodded. "Sounds like varied work suits you. I suppose that's better than monotony, though my brother would disagree."

"You have a brother?"

"Oh, yes. He likes his sedentary life, actually. He thinks it's a far better idea to do the same thing every day. That way, you always know what to do, because it's the same thing you did yesterday. No confusion, no tricks--"

"And no joy from finding something better. I don't think I could stand having a job like that. It'd just feel like I was some sort of machine."

"I don't know how he keeps from going crazy. I could never do that."

As they shared a chuckle, Red noticed that he no longer felt as self-conscious as he had half an hour ago. He was calming down, and things were going well. He was confident that she was starting to like him, and that was making him feel better about himself.

That wasn't going to fly with Gelu. As the waiter was on his way with their drinks, she cast a quick spell to raise the lip of the rug so he would trip, spilling his tray of drinks onto Red's nice, clean clothes. That was sure to make a scene.

Certainly, a scene was caused, but it did not go according to her plan. The drinks were not spilled, Red's clothes were not ruined, but the waiter did trip over the rug. The tray of drinks fell harmlessly onto the next table over, and the waiter collapsed right into Red's lap, knocking over his chair. They were now both on the ground, the waiter's hips pressed against Red's buttocks, his hands on Red's chest, and their lips pressed firmly together. Umbra had to hold on tight to the tree branch he was sitting in, as he was holding back a hard laugh in response to the bedlam he'd caused.

Chapter the Fourth: Feels Like the First Time

You sure you don't want to go back?" teased Lupine. "It seemed like you two were really forming a deep, passionate connection."

Red's face was brighter than usual with his blushing. Being mounted and kissed by a waiter was embarrassing enough, but she didn't have to laugh about it. It was humiliating, and it wasn't even his fault. He just wanted to move on. Luckily, Terra had given him some extra cash just in case things went poorly, so he had some wiggle room. That, and since he'd run out of the café, she'd cancelled their orders and brought him the refund, so that was nice of her.

"I was thinking somewhere a little bit nicer," he said, opening the door to Das Shicke Essen, not another coffee house, but an actual restaurant, with more than just scones for food. "I was hoping we could forget that unfortunate stumbling and just start the night over. Please?"

"Alright," she chuckled. "No more talk of what happened." As she walked past him, she whispered, "But I won't forget it. It was fun."

Sighing and realizing it was the best outcome he would receive, Red followed her in and the hostess showed them to a table for two. With the menus dispersed, she left to bring them ice water.

"So, was this part of your plan from the beginning?" she asked, looking over the menu. "Was coming out to a nice place like this a guarantee, or is this just a place you go to help you feel better?"

"Neither, but the latter is closer to the truth," admitted Red. "I didn't know how the coffee date was going to go. In the event of things going horribly wrong, I was considering dropping it there."

"And things went right according to you?"

"No, I... Things did go wrong, but not in the same way. Like, if you'd turned out to be a horrible racist, or decided to spout at me your extremist political views, or openly mock me. That kind of wrong."

"I see. Well, I'm not a racist, I don't care for politics, and as for mocking you, I'll stop the teasing. Your bribing me into forgetting about the event is, in a way, showing that you care what I think of you, which I think is a really sweet gesture."

Red smiled slightly. "Thanks. It means a lot. Have you thought about what you want to eat?"

"Yeah, I like the look of--"

She was cut off suddenly as a very zealous waiter slid up to their table. "Good evening, honoured guests!" he announced bombastically, shocking them both back to reality. "We have a wonderful assortment of delicious specials tonight! Schnitzels by the dozen, we have for you to eat! Sausages and local beer, it's quite the gourmet treat!"

"Well, you're just in time," smiled Red, calming down from the explosive intruduction. "We're about ready." He nodded to Lupine, as she hadn't had the chance to finish her sentence.

"I like the look of your cucumber salad," she said.

"Ah, the zestiest of choices. We bring in fresh produce as often as we can, and as it so happens, we just received a shipment of cucumbers plucked fresh this very morning!"

"Can I have the portobello burger?" asked Red. "With the hay fries extra crispy?"

"Certainly, sir!" beamed the waiter. "And for drinks?"

"Just an iced tea for me."

"Make it two."

The waiter wrote it all down on his pad of paper and nodded with a smile. "I will have those out to you with the greatest of haste!" Without a pause for another word, he took off toward the kitchens.

"Well, I've never seen a waiter act like that before," said Red. "He was so full of energy, I feel a bit drained now."

"Yeah, he's a bit much, but I'm okay with it. It's not like he's a hindrance. Maybe he just really likes his job."

Red shook his head. "I don't mean that as a condemnation, I just mean that he seems very excited and frenetic, and now that he's gone, the world seems to have slowed down. It's just a bit harrowing in how unexpected it was."

"Well, at least you're honest," she chuckled. "Are you feeling better here than you did on our first excursion?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "So, uh... Do you have family in town?"

"My great aunt on my mother's side, and my first cousin, once removed. My cousin owns the shop, and since I'm close with them, they offered me a spot. They also pay for my little house, so I'm pretty much rent-free, so long as I keep the place tidy and clean. And I think that's a reasonable agreement. What about you?"

"I think so. It sounds reasonable to me."

"I meant, do you have any family in town?"

"Oh, right. Not in town, per se, but nearby. I live out in the Everfree forest with a guy who thinks he's my dad, an ornery little one, and the twins, playing the role of my angry brother and annoying sister."

Now, Gelu was seeing little wrong with the mare, and was considering letting Red finish out his night with her all on his own, without causing any more trouble. However, with that little outburst of her being his annoying sister, it was time for another jab in the ribs. Slinking off into the kitchen, she changed the order on the ticket. He would not be eating a portobello burger tonight. That ship had sailed.

Once the order was changed, she slunk back to him and resumed hiding. She'd missed the topic of conversation, but the mare sounded jovial.

"So yeah, that's how Sweet Pea found herself saddled with her reputation. Good money, though."

"Remind me not to visit her at work," chuckled Red. "That is, if things continue between us."

"I hope they do." She reached across the table and took his hand. "You seem like a nice fellow. I'd still like to see how tonight plays out, but so far, things seem to be going well. If this is the care I could come to expect from you, this would be a lovely, mutually beneficial relationship."

Red smiled. He hadn't expected this kind of response, especially this early. He was glad she was having fun. "I hope so, too.

Chapter the Fifth: For Cryin' Out Loud

Red had been apprehensive at the beginning of the night, justifiably so as the opening hour of their activities had been wrought with egregious issues that had caused him no end of shame. However, with the change in venue, things were going well, and he was starting to relax a bit more. His worries were fading, and his smile was less and less forced, slowly turning more genuine.

"I had no idea there were so many different Nightshades," smiled Red. "You know a lot about flowers."

"It comes with being a florist," chuckled Lupine. "You work with flowers for a few years, it's natural to pick up some things. Usually, it's the stuff you check for several times, at which point you stop looking it up because you know for certain. Repetition makes for easy memorization."

"It's the same with mercenary work. You start to find constants mixed in with your variables, and you become more proficient with your work. Very interesting stuff to think about."

"Here we are," smiled the waiter, with seven other members of the waitstaff right behind him with big smiles. "Are you ready?"

Red looked at the collection of ponies just off the side of the table. He thought it odd that they were all looking at him, and questioned how many ponies the owner thought it took to deliver a burger and a salad to the same table. He'd seen other restaurants have one waitress deliver eight meals at once to two tables pushed together, and while he thought that was a bit much for just one waitress, she'd pulled it off just fine. Eight for just the two of them seemed excessive in the opposite direction. "I... guess?"

"Yeah, I think we're ready to eat," smiled Lupine nervously.

The waiter turned around, picked up the salad he'd brought and placed it in front of her, in a completely normal and respectable manner, as is expected of a server in a restaurant. With a sly smile, he turned around and grabbed Red's plate.

"TWO! THREE! FOUR! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM ALL OF US TO YOU! WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY, SO WE COULD PARTY TOO!"

Red almost leaped out of his chair, yelping in shock as the waitstaff started bouncing and singing ridiculously loudly, clapping and honking little clown horns. He'd been brought what was called a single-serve cake, but was enough for four to six ponies.

"HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY, SO WE COULD PARTY, TOO! WOO!!!"

With the final bounce of the waiter, Umbra, looking in from outside the window, put a bit more kick into the waiter that was holding the cake. It left the platter, sailed through the air, and came down on Red's face, covering him in yellow cake crumbs and pink icing.

The waitstaff quickly dispersed from the accident, excepting the waiter who'd dropped the cake, who was frozen in a bit of shock. He didn't know how he could have been so clumsy as to drop the cake, but he had. This had never happened before, in the entire history of the restaurant. Before he beat a hasty retreat, however, he moved an extra napkin dispenser over to their table.

Red found himself about to cry, and was a little bit glad that she couldn't see his face as clearly. All he'd wanted out of tonight was a pleasant coffee and dinner with a nice mare. He felt that wasn't too big an ask, but the world just didn't seem ready for him to have it. He slumped down in his seat. He looked and felt like a loser. At this point, he just wanted to pay for their meal and go home.

"You have a little something on your nose, there," came Lupine's voice. As cake dripped off his eyebrow, he looked up to see her smiling kindly and offering him a napkin. "I don't know if you noticed."

"Thank you..." Red's voice cracked a bit as he took the napkin and wiped his face. He didn't clear even a quarter before the napkin was full.

"I'm glad you didn't just run off this time," she smiled, preparing more napkins for him. "If you're truly upset by this, we'll call off the date now, and we can try again some other day. This just isn't your night, is it?"

"It's not even my birthday," whimpered Red. "It's not for months." He paused as he picked up the candles. "They thought I looked forty-six?"

Lupine shook her head. "That's not a six."

"Forty-nine?" Red dipped his head. "I'm only in my mid-twenties. I don't look that old, do I?"

She shrugged. "When you're all covered up, I can't tell. You looked fine earlier."

As Red wiped up the last big glob of cake, he dropped the napkin on the platter the cake was delivered on and pushed it aside. He didn't even want to think about it right now. "You know I didn't order a birthday cake, right?"

"You wanted a burger and fries. I remember."

"That's what I really wanted. A mushroom burger with a nice, crispy side of hay fries. I feel as if..." he looked down despondently, "I'm losing my only dream. I could use some guiding light; some place to go."

Lupine pushed her plate into the middle of the table. "Would you feel better if you had some cucumber inside of you?"

"Oh, no," Red said, wiping his face. "I couldn't just take your meal away just because things aren't going well for me. Just because I'm having a bad night doesn't mean I have to ruin yours to make up for it. Don't worry about me."

"Nonsense. We'll split it. I don't mind. Besides, it would be all kinds of rude if I just sat here and ate in front of you. You're having a bad night, I'm not going to make it worse for you."

Red smiled and wiped his face one last time. "You'd do that for me?"

"It's just a bit of bad luck. It'll pass. It's not like you intended for all of this to happen."

Despite everything that happened, she was right. He'd not planned for any of these terrible things to happen. It was beyond his control. It was as if there was some malevolent force outside of his perception, playing with the odds to his detriment. He wasn't that far off from the truth with this thought, either.

Chapter the Sixth: Only a Heartbeat Away

Red and Lupine walked through the park under the soft glow of the moonlight. Red still had a bit of cake in his mane, which was no longer combed neatly, but rather a sticky mess. Regardless, he wore a smile on his face, anyway.

"It was nice of the owner to waive our bill," chuckled Lupine. "That does make it a little better."

"Yeah. I mean, I wasn't going to avoid the place, but it's good to know that the owner was apologetic. As he said, it was an accident. I don't blame him, or even his staff, for what happened. They didn't mean it. Or rather, I don't think they did."

"They did put numbered candles on the cake. Are you sure it was completely an accident? No doubts at all?"

Red shrugged. "Mayhaps a little bit."

"Mayhaps a little bit," agreed Lupine. "Still, at least the owner was nice."

"Yeah."

They walked slowly along the path, the mild gurgling of the stream louder than either of them had ever heard it. Neither of them had ever come here at night, nor had they ever had a reason to. It was a unique experience for them both to be here when nopony else was.

That said, they were not entirely alone. Sure, Gelu was hiding out on Red's personage, but there were others in the park that night. Two or three couples were walking about in the night air, talking to each other in similarly hushed tones as Red and Lupine, there was an elderly mare sitting on a park bench, tossing out bread crumbs to what few pigeons had not yet gone to their nests to roost for the night, and a duo of young stallions was hanging out by the public washrooms, looking a bit suspicious, but minding their own business.

Umbra had left after the cake drop had failed to upset Red's date. She'd been kind and caring, and that hadn't been as fun to watch. He'd wandered around for a bit, and despite his departure, by bizarre coincidence, he happened to be in the park, as well. As he was still masquerading as a black cat, all he had to do was flop down in front of a mare, and she'd be so distracted by his tummy rubs that he could easily snake his tail around into her purse or perhaps even snag some jewelry. Not for the cash, as he didn't really need it, but for the rush of taking somepony else's valuables without their knowledge. He had, in the past, given it back, but in a chaotic manner; pouring it into a pail, hanging it in a tree over a busy street, and breaking the branch during rush hour so ponies would dive into the road for coins and jewels. As an agent of chaos, the sight of it was titillating.

As they came to a bridge, Red and Lupine turned and looked over the railing. The waxing protuberant moon danced on the stream's surface in reflection of the clear night sky. They fell silent for a bit, and Red began to lose himself in his mind, trying to think of the words that he wanted to say. The main point he wanted to make was that he felt better around her, and that he wanted to open up to her more; to show her how he felt. Unfortunately, as this was only their first date, and his very first date, he was afraid that voicing that thought was perhaps moving a little too fast.

"What's with that look?" she asked, turning to face him. "You look angry."

"I'm here waiting on the edge," he blurted out without thinking. "Would I be alright showing myself to you? It's always been so hard to do." After a short pause, his eyes shot wide open. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, but to keep them as thoughts. "I'm sorry," he pleaded, turning to her. "I don't know what came over me there."

"Don't be sorry," she giggled. "I think it's cute that you're so flustered. It's a far cry from how confidently you asked me out. I was going to put you in your place, but now, I'm glad I gave you a chance. I'm delighted to see you as you are now. It seems more honest and open, and I like that."

"R-really?"

She nodded. "I like you, too." She wrapped an arm around his shoulder, then immediately withdrew it. "Sorry, I forgot you were still covered in cake."

"Yeah." Red reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm all sticky."

"But you're also sweet." She leaned up and kissed him; just a simple peck on the cheek, but it set his heart aflutter. With just that simple action of pressing her lips to his face, he felt spectacular. He felt a bit taller, much stronger, and more masculine. He also became more aware of the zipper that kept his pants up. The silver belt buckle wasn't very forgiving, either.

Red was suddenly made aware that he was staring. He hadn't moved after the kiss, nor had he heard anything she'd said before "--ow what I mean?"

"Guhhuh," he gasped, not wanting to risk any further harm.

"You didn't hear a word of that, did you?"

He shook his head. "No, sorry, I was really distracted."

"I just made a joke about that tent you're pitching that threw your slacks off kilter." She took him by the hand. "This has been a lo--"

"Thief! Come back here, you little shit!"

Before either of them could react, a black shadow bolted between their legs, throwing them just a bit off balance. Mere seconds later, a very angry mare bolted past them, knocking the already wobbly couple aside a few steps. Lupine was about to fall off the bridge, but at the last moment, Red caught her by the wrist and pulled her back onto the bridge. She smiled and blushed, as he'd just saved her from the watery stream.

As she leaned up to kiss him again in thanks, another mare bolted past, and this time, Red was the one about to fall. Lupine grabbed him by the wrist, as he had done for her, but the difference in weight and ability to balance at the drop of a hat meant that she wasn't as good an anchor as he was. They both collapsed into the water, made especially cold by the presence of Gelu and her icy wrath.

The stream was freezing, and the water permeated their clothing. Red's testicles jumped up inside of his body for warmth, and his erection shriveled up as well. No more was his tent sturdy and strong; now it was naught but a scrunched-up tarp on the forest floor.

Just as he was cursing himself again, Lupine pulled him up and hugged him. "Are you alright?"

As he hugged her back in an effort to show that he was fine, he felt two little nubs poking him in the chest. "I'm just fine," he smiled.

Chapter the Seventh: Will You Still Love Me

Red was shivering as Lupine led him through her front door. Due to the cold temperature outside, she'd suggested that he stay at her place tonight rather than try to walk through the forest in wet clothes. She didn't want him to catch a cold, and her place was much closer.

Red didn't have much time to look over her living room or kitchen, as she was rushing him up the stairs as quick as she could, finally coming to a stop in the bedroom. It was a cozy little place, with a nice, minimalist design. The bed was super plush, there was a wardrobe against the far wall with a vanity-style dresser next to that. At the foot of the bed, there was a radiator underneath a hanging rack. The only other doorway led into the lavatory.

"Let's dry off those wet clothes," she said, pulling a handful of towels out of the dresser. "Just hang them on the rack over there, they'll be dry by tomorrow."

"Okay," smiled Red shyly, taking off his belt and tie. Being made of leather and suede, they smelled horrible when wet. They just needed to dry on their own. As he started unlacing his boots, Lupine dropped one towel on the corner of the bed for him, and took two more into the lavatory with her. He took off his boots and set them beside the radiator, rather than above it, as directed. After all, they were shoes, and he'd tied them nice and tight, so only the outsides were wet. His socks were a little damp, but that could also be because of his sweaty toes. His pants, shirt, and even his boxer briefs came off to dry over the radiator, and as soon as he'd patted himself dry, he wrapped the towel around his waist and sat down at the foot of the bed to await her return.

The lavatory door opened and out she stepped, With one towel wrapped around her mane and the other around her barrel, running from her breasts down to just below her hips. From her mid thighs down to her toes, he could see everything. "That's much better," she smiled. "Isn't it nice to be warm?"

Red certainly began to feel a bit warmer, being able to see so much of her. Strangely, despite the fact that he'd seen quite a few mares in far skimpier swimming clothes, seeing Lupine wrapped in a big, puffy towel that left everything to his imagination was far more arousing. Even in his mercenary days, when he'd been a security guard for a clothing store and had lost his detainee when she'd slipped out of her shirt, he'd seen mares almost completely nude. So why was her thick towel causing his own to rise?

"This is no time for camping," she giggled. When Red raised his eyebrow, she pointed between his legs. "You felt the need to pitch a tent in front of me."

Red pushed it down with his hands and squeezed his legs together to keep it down. "I'm sorry, I just... You're really pretty."

She blushed. With her shirt now gone, he could see that her chest flushed as well. "You think I'm pretty?"

Red nodded. "I'd compare you to a flower, but as you know more about them than I do, I don't want to risk offending you."

"That's the sweetness I've come to expect from you," she chuckled. "You know, in some very rare circles, the Bluebonnet is called 'Wolf's dick?' It's all because of the other name for it, as well as the shape. I was teased in secondary school because my last name reminded the other students of that."

Red shrugged. "I don't know its other name, but if the flower looks anything like you, It's a beautiful one."

Gelu, still in hiding, wanted to gag at that line. It was cheesy, corny, and reeked of desperation. She almost couldn't believe that Lupine had laughed at such a dumb line. Even harder to believe was that it had been so effective that the mare had dropped down to her knees in front of Red. Gelu had to act fast. Red's charm was a poor excuse for charisma, and she had to do something to stop this slut from rewarding him for his bad behaviour.

"I don't often work this fast," smiled Lupine, licking her lips, "but you've had a long, hard night. Despite everything that's happened, you seem to be a pretty nice guy. Just relax now, I'm going to make it all worth your effort by taking care of something long and hard that's been bothering you."

Red relaxed his legs a bit, and his throbbing erection pushed hard against the towel, threatening to rip a hole in the terrycloth. Lupine ran her hands from his calves up to his knees, feeling the muscle. Being a mercenary usually required a fair amount of strength, and Red was clearly showing his service record in his legs and torso. This was part of the reason she was advancing so quickly. Once she'd seen him without a shirt, she'd felt a bit of arousal, herself. Pushing his knees apart, she watched as the towel slid up, though still hid his genitals. "Is all of that for me?"

Red nodded and smiled as he leaned back. He couldn't at all believe what was happening to him. He'd always believed that you had to wait until at least the third date, but here she was, about to swallow his rod on their first. He was almost glad he'd had such a shitty night so far, otherwise he'd never have reached this point so soon. He closed his eyes and lay on his back, relaxing as she'd said to do. He could feel her hands on his thighs, rubbing the muscle. He felt her graze his tip through the towel as she began to pull it open. And as the towel opened up and he was exposed to air, he heard her cry out in shock.

"What the fuck!?"

Red's eyes shot open. Those were not the words he was expecting her to call out.

Gelu snickered as she slunk out of the room, as she was sure to be detected if she stayed. That curse would last well into tomorrow, and that was plenty of time to make sure that this union didn't happen. This was a fine display of her tenacity, determination that was incorruptible; from the other side, a terror to behold. This was the greatest harm she was willing to do that would not outright reveal her identity. And if she stuck around, there was a chance he'd catch her and bring it to Terra's attention. That wasn't something she wanted to deal with right now.

"What the hell is this?"

As Red leaned up, he was about to ask what she was talking about, but soon there was no need. He knew exactly what was wrong in her eyes, as it was wrong in his eyes, too. It also confirmed his suspicion that all the bad things happening weren't just a coincidence. Something with magic was out to ruin his date, and they'd succeeded by removing his dick and balls, replacing them with a vagina.

Chapter the Eighth: Coming Undone

"Answer me, Red!" Lupine was understandably confused and pissed off. "If this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny! It's just mean!"

"I've gone through changes," grumbled Red. "I've gone through pain, but is that enough reason for me to go insane? No. This isn't what I wanted! I swear, I'm actually a stallion. This is some kind of spell, I just don't know who cast it."

"Just what are you accusing me of?" Lupine snapped. "I'm not a unicorn, I'm an earth pony!"

"I didn't say it was you," said Red, running over to the window. "Somepony out there doesn't like me, and I think they've been messing with us all night."

Lupine folded her arms across her chest. "You expect me to believe that all of your clumsy accidents were really just some prank somepony was pulling on you? That's a bit pathetic of an excuse, don't you think?"

Red lowered his head. He supposed it did sound a bit insane to her, but he knew that some spellcasters were powerful enough, vindictive enough, and angry enough with him to absolutely ruin his night. "Everything before this, I just attributed to bad luck. I was really unhappy with how tonight played out. I wanted to relax, and have a bit of fun, but every time I think things are going well, something happens and I end up worse off. When you began to pity me, I..." he paused for a moment, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I thought things were finally looking up."

Slowly, in several steps, the scowl faded from Lupine's face. Red looked genuinely remorseful as a tear ran down his face. He'd had a terrible night, and he'd still treated her with all of the respect he could. She'd felt him through his pants, too, so she knew he'd had a dick earlier in the night. For most stallions, this was the end goal. This was the finish line. She was about to let him cross it, and this felt like a trip. As if the track had been laden with obstacles, and he'd run the whole thing, being hit all along the way, and at the very end, he'd taken a blow to the face that had stopped him in his tracks and knocked him on his back.

"Okay, okay, I didn't mean to turn on you like that," she apologized. "It just shocked me, is all. I'm a little bit mad, but that's just because I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry I yelled."

"I forgive you," nodded Red, sitting down on the bed. "I can't really blame you for not understanding. I'm not even completely sure, myself. It's just frustrating."

Having slipped into a dark alley an hour ago, Umbra had disappeared completely, becoming one with the shadows. It was now late enough that most ponies were in bed, and would be no fun to mess with. Instead, he decided to go back home. However, as he was en route, he found a tiny cottage with the upstairs light still on, and a tree branch from which he could look inside. It was worth the stop, if he could find one more laugh tonight.

And find a laugh he did, as apparently, Gelu had slapped Red with a curse that had unmanned him. That on its own would be a good chuckle, but once again, the mare he was with was understanding and calm, so the scene was very somber and boring.

While he did have the power to undo Gelu's spiteful goodbye, he didn't think that would be very entertaining to watch. That would just lead to sexual congress, and who wanted to see that? Incubi and succubi, and no other demon. It was fun if you were participating, sure, but that required some setup; setup that Umbra had not done, and couldn't have known to do.

Just as he was about to leave, however, as the mare kissed Red firmly on the lips, an idea occurred to him. He would lay a curse of his own. He could just imagine the shock and surprise now. But why imagine, when he could see it unfold before his eyes, instead?

"It's really a shame," lamented Lupine, running her hands over Red's chest. "I was really looking forward to having a good night after seeing you all stripped down." As she ran her fingers through his mane, she added, "You're not even sticky anymore."

"I was looking forward to it, too, but I don't know how to work these parts with yours. It's not something I've ever done before."

"I'm afraid I've never done that, either," sighed Lupine. "I was invited to once, but I was busy that night."

Red looked at her. "I guess we just cuddle for a bit?"

With a smile, Lupine nodded. "I'll go turn out the main lights. There's a matchbook and a scented candle in the nightstand."

Red crawled up onto the bed, as the nightstand was on the other side. Sure enough, there was a candle and matchbook, and in a moment, he had it lit, and the scent of cinnamon and vanilla began to permeate the room as the candle became the room's primary light source. As he tossed the spent match into the ashtray that was full of them, he felt a hand on his exposed arse.

"You really do look good as a girl, though," hummed Lupine suggestively. "If what you say is true, and you're typically a male, then this is an interesting opportunity for you. You've never known what it feels like to have a dick up inside of you, have you?"

Red looked back, shaking his head.

"I ask because I have a new toy, and I think it would be perfect for you in this situation." Lupine had donned a cunning smile. She was obviously planning something. "Stay on your knees, put your face in the pillow and keep those legs open wide. I'm still going to reward you for sticking with me through a rough night, just not in the way you were expecting."

With a bit of eagerness, tempered with a hint of confusion, Red did as he was told, hoping that she was telling him the truth. He had no idea what she was planning, but it probably had something to do with a dildo, as she had mentioned a new toy. Being a mare herself, she likely knew how to use one effectively.

He heard her towels drop to the floor. While he wanted to see her body, she had told him to keep his face in the pillow, which meant he probably wasn't allowed to look just yet. As her fingers rubbed against his snatch, he shivered. He wasn't sure if it was anticipation or lubricant, but he felt something dribbling down his thigh. Before long, she had climbed up behind him, and he was moaning like a whore. Her fingers were magical.

"I think you're ready now," she grinned, and rubbed the shaft against his fanny. It felt almost real, like it was made out of actual flesh. He'd not felt one between his legs other than his own, but he'd felt silicone before, and it wasn't nearly this lifelike. This was a good quality material; it even throbbed like his did.

Despite his zeal in showing her a good time, he chanced a look under his chest to see if things were as expected. Those were her legs, he recognized the cutie mark on her thigh. But between her legs, there dangled a very familiar pair of testicles that clearly didn't match her coat in the slightest. She'd taken his cock, and now she was going to fuck him with it.

Chapter the Ninth: The Best of Times

As he felt his own dick split his pussy lips apart, Red's mind went blank. He'd never felt anything like this before. He couldn't bring forth the will to object, his voice nothing more than muffled squeaks as he bit down on the pillow in an attempt to drown it all out. His gut felt like it was on fire, stretching out uncontrollably as his cock slid further and further in. Was this how all mares' first times were? A small amount of pleasure, covered by an intense blanket of pain?

He thought about asking her to slow down a bit, but decided against it. He didn't think he could push out the words, even if he did manage to open his mouth entirely. It would all come out as a breathy, incoherent shout. Even if the message did manage to reach her ears, would she be able to comply? If her mind was as muddled as his, wracked with the intense pleasure he'd heard about but never experienced, would she have considered slowing down? If if she had, could she do so voluntarily, or were her hips moving of their own accord, regardless of her own thoughts? Would he have been capable of slowing down if the situation were reversed? He wasn't sure. He wasn't able to ask himself, either, as he couldn't focus on anything other than the burning in his gut.

Then, something truly amazing happened. When she stopped pushing in and started pulling out, his feeling changed suddenly, from an intense pain to a deep, resounding pleasure as his cock slipped out of his vagina. Neither he nor the pillow could stifle the passionate moan forcing its way out of his throat as the sudden void created a vacuum inside his body.

Once again, his position shifted as she pushed back into him, though not as painful this time. He didn't think she was going slower, but actually faster this time. The exit was exactly the same, and with the third push, there wasn't really a lot of pain anymore. Sure, his vaginal walls were tender, but they had stretched out enough to accommodate the size of his penis.

And what a penis it was. It wasn't as if he'd ever compared the size of his dick against another stallion, partially because he considered himself to be average size. If he was average, it would have been reasonable to assume that he had a one in two chance that he was smaller than the other guy. Of course, there was a fifty percent chance that he was bigger, but those weren't good odds, and he didn't want to risk being made fun of for having the smaller of two cocks. That was never fun. But now, he didn't give a fuck how he compared to the other guys. If he was big, that was fine. If he was small, that was fine, too. It didn't matter, because his dick was big enough to fill his pussy, a presumably average one, and rock the night of any mare he took to bed. If he could figure out how Lupine was using it, it could be the smallest dick in the world, and he'd be begged to come back to bed.

Of course, it didn't cross his mind that he'd first need to entice the mares to let him into their beds in the first place, which was the entire point of having a size comparison in the first place. If he couldn't snake his way into their beds, there would be no way for him to come back to them, as he wouldn't have been there in the first place. Thoughts such as this hadn't crossed his mind, and even if they had, they were drowned out by the exceptionally loud moans of pleasure.

Lupine was of a similar mindset. She had never known what it was like, exactly, from the stallion's viewpoint. Now she could feel the strong desire to keep going of which they had spoken. A part of her wanted to make Red's first time more pleasurable for him, taking it slow and showing him how to truly please a mare, so that he could know the effects of his actions and be a better lover, but she couldn't help herself. The only thing coming out of her mouth was drool at the feeling of the tight, velvety vise gripped firmly around her cock. She couldn't stop herself; she just had to have more.

It wasn't long until Red was flipped over onto his back, his moans spiking in volume for a moment, then immediately being cut off as Lupine dug her tongue into his mouth, silencing him once again. Having lost all of the electrical motors in his nerves, he could only lie there and be fucked as hard and as fast as she wanted to go, and at this moment, he didn't care. His brain had melted into a puddle of mush that only knew how to take dick.

Several hot and sweaty minutes later, Lupine began to speed up her thrusts. She was close to her climax, and she wanted to know just how powerful it felt as a stallion. Her testicles had been slapping against Red's arsehole, but now, they were scrunching up, ready to pump out her seed. Similarly, Red was beginning to feel his walls contract, and he could feel his dick pulsing inside of him. With a deep, powerful final thrust, she fired off a a torrent of cum deep into his womb. He felt so close to heaven in this roaring, heavy load, and then, in sheer abandonment, he shattered and exploded. He'd never been filled before, but the pleasure of it almost caused him to pass out.

She collapsed on top of him. Neither had said a word since they'd started, but they knew that the other had been satisfied with the results. Red wrapped his leg around her butt, making sure she stayed inside. This was his final act before falling asleep. She, on the other hand, had enough consciousness left to wrap her quilt around them both, roll them both onto their sides to be more comfortable, and blow out the candle before she fell asleep. Tonight had been very good to her.

Chapter the Tenth: Self-Esteem

Red felt fully refreshed. He'd had a very good night, and he wouldn't dare trade that for anything. As he pried his eyes open, he saw Lupine still sleeping comfortably in his arms. He gently hugged her, going so far as to plant a kiss on her forehead. This was enough to wake her from her slumber.

"Good morning," she smiled, nuzzling his neck. "Sleep well?"

"Like a log," Red smiled back. "We'll definitely need to do this again sometime soon."

"Agreed." She reached up and kissed him again. "But in reverse. No magic next time, just good, clean sex."

"I think I can stand behind that," smiled Red. "What time is it?"

Lupine looked over to the nightstand behind Red, pushing the candle out of the way. "About half past seven. Sun's up, but just barely."

With the shift in her body, Red could feel that there was something different between his legs. He ran his hand down his body, reached in between his thighs, and there he found something marvelous: his balls had been returned. He lifted the blanket just to be sure, and, despite the sudden burst of cold air rushing down both of their bodies, he was genuinely happy to be a stallion again. He couldn't help but smile. There was, however, something very odd. There was a bit of rubber up inside his urethra that he quickly pulled out. Not the most comfortable feeling, but he soon figured out what it was.

"I didn't want to risk you becoming pregnant if the spell allowed for that, so I put on a condom before I went in," explained Lupine. "I didn't know where it would end up when we were done. I honestly thought it would just flop out on the bed."

Red brought it up to look at it. "Is there a wastebasket, or something that I can toss this in?"

"There's one in the lavatory," nodded Lupine.

Red climbed out of bed and made his way into the lavatory. He needed to use the toilet, regardless, as he hadn't used one in nearly twelve hours. As he was relieving himself, he spotted her undergarments poking up out of the laundry hamper, her panties just draped over the side. He'd not had a chance to see them as a result of how things had gone, so he took a moment to just admire them now.

They were striped blue and white, with a mild lace around the waistband. They were perhaps not the sexiest panties he'd ever seen, but they looked to be comfortable for her. He'd heard tales of stallions taking their date's panties as a trophy to show to the other stallions, but he thought that might be a bad idea. He wanted to see her again, and he had no way to hide them if he did decide to take them with him. Besides, if he could have sex with her again, why would he need to prove it to anypony else?

As he exited the lavatory, he spotted Lupine by the wardrobe, slipping into a clean pair of panties. He looked over to his own clothing, now dry from the night prior. With a nod, he walked across the room and began dressing himself. "So, I've been thinking a bit about what happened last night, and there's something about me that I think you should know."

"Oh? What's that?"

"You know how I said I had something that was like a family, but not quite?"

"Yeah?"

Red took a deep breath. "They're not exactly ponies. They're demons."

Lupine stopped and turned around as she secured her bra in place. "Demons?"

Red nodded. "With the ability to shift forms, possess other sentient beings, and invoke curses."

"And you think one of them is responsible for last night?"

Red scratched his neck. "I kind of fought with the mean one right before coming out to meet you. He wasn't allowed out last night, but I think he might have sent his sister after me, or there's the one that likes to watch ponies run around frantically in a panic. I don't know which one, but I'm sure one of them was following us around all night."

Lupine had to pause for a bit to consider what she'd just heard. It was ridiculous, but last night had also been ridiculous. A part of her wanted to dismiss it all as bullshit, but a good amount of her wanted to believe him. With a nod, she put on a shirt. "I have a question about them."

"Ask away."

"Do your demons..." she cleared her throat. "Do they ever let you go? Are they always around?"

"No, they can operate without me. I'm just an anchor. They were supposed to leave me to my own devices last night, but they didn't. You saw how that turned out."

As soon as they were both dressed, Lupine led Red to the front lawn. "I have to go to work now, but I had a lovely time. We should do this again, but on our own."

Red nodded. "Are you free next Saturday?"

She leaned up and kissed him. "Friday works better."

"Friday it is," he blushed.

As they parted ways, Red walked to the forest edge with a spring in his step. He felt as light as a feather. He'd just lost his virginity and he had another date already lined up in less than a week. He couldn't be happier. But then, as the houses gave way to trees, his smile faded. He'd done well on his date, but he still didn't know who'd been fucking with him all night. They all had motive, really.

Ignis was the most likely candidate, as he'd stated almost as a guarantee that Red wouldn't be having a second date. He would want revenge for the snide comments about his appearance. He was vindictive, to say the very least. Then there was Gelu. Red knew that Gelu would try to sabotage him, which is why he hadn't told her about it. If she'd found out, she'd be pissed. Umbra liked seeing him fall, as if it were some sort of game to him. But Umbra wouldn't have stuck to him all night, rather, he would have had to come across them multiple times. Then again, it was considered bad luck to cross paths with a black cat, and that was Umbra's favoured form. Finally, there was Terra. He'd been condescending at the beginning of the night, and perhaps he'd pushed Ignis out of the way so as not to be caught. Unmanning him would be a good way of protecting Red from making a rash decision.

Red shook his head. It probably wasn't Terra, but the other three were still under suspicion. He didn't have the energy to think about who that was right now, he just wanted to clean up so he could go to work.

As he entered the castle, Ignis, Gelu and Umbra were standing by the door, waiting. Ignis and Gelu teased him for a bit, just until he was out of earshot. They were pleased enough not to follow him. Umbra, on the other hand, continued.

"Congrats on having your cherry popped," he chided.

"What makes you think that?" growled Red.

"I watched from the window."

Red turned and pushed him against the wall. "You did this!? You took away my dick!?"

"Don't be ridiculous," chuckled Umbra, easily slipping out of his grasp. "It was gone before I arrived. I just gave it to your date, that's all."

Red didn't know if that really was all. Umbra wasn't known for telling the truth, but he had no evidence. "Just go away. I don't want to talk right now."

As Red stormed off to his room, he ran into Terra in the hallway. "How was your night?" he asked calmly.

Without a word, Red stomped into his room and slammed the door. Just as Terra was about to walk of, the door cracked open, and Red looked out. "It was nice."