Conversion Bureau: Chainsaws Beat Friendship
Chapter 2: The Slayer Steals Limited-Edition Jewelry
Previous ChapterNext ChapterThe Slayer continued down the dark tunnel, occasionally pausing to make sure the sewer sounds were only rats and nothing else. After about two minutes of walking, he arrived at an intersection with four potential paths. “Slayer, the most direct route to your target has an 87.3% chance of being an ambush, as your enemies expect you to come from there. If you take an alternate route, you can avoid a potential confrontation.”
The Slayer shook his head. With a grim determination, he started forward on the original path. No pony could stand in his way. He was a force of malevolent rage, a protector of humanity, and he had faced far worse than these… pony-things.
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Air Ace was really worried now. The thing had dispatched the most elite of his unicorns, and killed his lieutenant, Blade Dancer, like it was nothing. A ruthless killing machine that he couldn’t foresee being stopped anytime soon was on its way to his charges, Fluttershy and Rarity of the elements of harmony.
Thanks to new advancements, each element was able to use an immense amount of Harmonic Magic to generate small pockets of the Harmonic Dome that protected the main base of the pony incursion. This would be needed on the most difficult fronts, so two elements were sent to various fronts around the world, where they were needed most. He nervously paced around his command tent, then quickly called over a random pegasus.
“Quickly, tell the flight squadron commander to get the elements to a safe location right now. This is not a drill, private. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir! I will get it prepared.”
He then quickly grabbed one of the magic-charged sending crystals used to communicate among the troops. “I need an elite pony strike team ASAP. Also, send over the experimental human tank division.”
“Are you sure sir? This is very-”
“Trust me, I’m sure. This is of utmost importance.”
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The Slayer finally stopped before a ladder leading up to the surface. Before he ascended, he heard the familiar voice of Dr. Hayden in his ear.
“Slayer, I sense the targets attempting to escape. You have limited time until they take off.”
A timer appeared in the corner of his vision, counting down from 5:43.
“You will need to reach the target before they take off, estimated time, five minutes and forty-three seconds. Good luck, Slayer.”
The Slayer paused, quickly deciding to prime his grenade launcher. He then clambered up the ladder, punching open the heavy manhole with relative ease. Taking a look around, he found himself in a small area surrounded by sandbags and flipped over tables, all facing towards him.
Behind these rapidly-erected barricades were many ponies, some unicorns, some pegasi, some earth ponies. He heard a pony shout “OPEN FIRE” and a bunch of unicorns shot bolts of magic towards him.
The Slayer rapidly turned to face the largest group of them, launching a grenade, and then he changed his target to a group of three heavily armored ponies. He then opened fire on them with his huge assault rifle and was surprised to see his massive rounds simply push them back rather than pierce their armor. He then heard Dr. Hayden talking to him again.
“Slayer, they seem to be wearing armor enhanced with a near-unpierceable energy field. However, it appears you can still bludgeon them, as they are wearing extremely large amounts of padding.”
The Slayer nodded to himself, quickly switching to his double-barrelled shotgun and running forward at inhuman speeds, while he dodged bolts of magic whistling past his ears. As he neared the heavily armored ponies, hatches on top of their armor opened to reveal what appeared to be magic-crystal-powered weaponry.
Before the first of the three could fire, he had his head ripped clean off by the sheer force behind both massive shotgun slugs. As his body slumped over, spilling blood everywhere, the Slayer grabbed his still-shielded body and fell back to the floor as both ponies fired simultaneously.
The beam of concentrated magic fired by the experimental pony weapons bounced off of the shielded body, returning to the weapons and causing a catastrophic overload to the magical crystal battery. As the heavy-armor ponies began to panic, the magic crystals on their backs exploded, vaporizing them nearly immediately.
The Slayer quickly stood up, aiming several bursts of rifle fire at the surviving unicorns, when a pony he assumed to be an officer of the sort shouted a command. “CALL IN THE EXPERIMENTAL HUMAN TANK UNIT”. As the Slayer turned to shoot the officer, he heard a rumbling coming from the only un-sandbagged part of the barricades, as a tank slowly trundled into view from behind the large tent that was in place nearby.
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Tyler Vaughan had an unfortunate time during the pony war. He was a random civilian who joined the rebellion in Austin, Texas when the ponies started to overtake the east coast. His entire unit was wiped out, but he was knocked unconscious by shrapnel hitting his helmet. Of course, he found himself un-ponified, thinking he was lucky to be alive, but turns out, he was only alive for experimentation.
Luckily, the ponies weren’t too physically inclined for dissections and such. UNluckily, what was in store for him could have been worse. Turns out, the ponies wanted control of human weaponry, like tanks and planes. Sadly, willing subjects could never be trusted to drive more than a transport bus for prisoners, and their dreams of human-tank-using ponies wouldn’t come to fruition.
Sure, the ponies were testing their own models of tanks and different gas vehicles after capturing so much military equipment, but this would take a lot more than just a week. So, he was facing psychological experimentation. For the last week and a half, he had barely slept, being constantly drugged with magical potions and experimented on with mental spells. Now, his mind was foggy and his body wasn’t in his control as he and his fellow prisoners sat at the controls of a tank.
He felt a constant raging headache, and the magical collar around his neck felt constantly painful as his arms involuntarily moved the throttle and controls, maneuvering the tank towards his target, the Slayer. As he stared at his fellow man, now in the crosshairs of his companion’s scope, he felt a kick to the back of his head from the supervisor pony.
“Human Control Officer, please be very careful. You almost knocked over that tent.”. He felt a tear well up in his eye, as he realized that he would be used to kill his fellow man.
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The Slayer quickly took cover behind the sandbags, and while out of sight, crawled off so that the tank couldn’t know where he was. He heard an ear-splitting boom as the explosive round left the barrel of the M1 Abrams tank at 1,575 meters per second, slamming into the tables where he was seconds ago and exploding.
As shards of IKEA tables were flung everywhere at deadly speeds, the Slayer heard Dr. Hayden once again. “Slayer, I have used your helmet scanner to deduce that there are humans under the control of Harmonic Energy collars. Removing these may save lives, and a tank could prove useful.”.
The Slayer nodded, quickly moving again to prevent a hit. He then quickly launched another grenade at a pile of sandbags nearby. As the explosion blasted a film of sand into the air, obscuring the tank crew’s vision long enough for him to get on top of the tank. As the sand fell and the gunner looked around, confused, the Slayer knocked him out with a punch to the back of the skull. He then ripped off the collar and flung him to the side into safety.
He then stepped up onto the turret, opening the hatch at the top of the tank. The pony officer let out a scream of fear as the Slayer showed no mercy and efficiently whipped out his gauntlet blade and thrust it through the skull of the pony officer. He then grabbed the body and flung it outside of the tank.
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Tyler could only watch, shocked, as this impossibly fast and strong beast of a man dodged the fire from the tank, and with ruthless efficiency, brutally murdered a member of his pony tormentors in under five minutes. As he sat there in shock, and the pony controlling him panicked, the Slayer ripped off his collar, and suddenly, Tyler was free.
He quickly coughed, shook his head, and looked at his muscular chad of a savior. The Slayer simply pointed at the tank controls, then in a random direction. Tyler, not questioning at all, simply followed his commands. The Slayer then moved the gunner out of his seat, taking control of the position.
Before Tyler started to drive, the magical radio crystal went off. “Checkered Square, why are all of the control ponies unconscious?”. So, they didn’t know the Slayer succeeded. “Best keep it that way”, Tyler thought to himself.
Mustering his best pony impression, Tyler said, “Sir, we had a massive grenade blast knock the link out. Humans are unconscious as well. The Slayer escaped. I will take the tank back to the command tent.”
Without waiting for a response, he decided to start driving in the direction the Slayer wanted. As Tyler arrived at an airfield, the Slayer tapped him on the shoulder, signaling him to stop. Tyler stopped, and the slayer turned the turret to a chariot that seemed to be waiting for passengers before takeoff. Before any of the ponies could react, the chariot and its pegasus pilots exploded into shrapnel and gore.
The Slayer then grabbed the former gunner and placed him back into the main cannon seat. He then pointed at some ponies who were rushing out to see what that was about, then ran a finger across his throat. Tyler nodded in understanding. Then, the Slayer left the tank, shutting the hatch behind him.
Tyler, still kind of shocked, decided to speak up to his comrades. “Well, he saved us all. We might as well repay him.” With that, the tank crew determinedly began firing at clumps of ponies, feeling a warm feeling of regained honor in their chests as they avenged their fallen comrades in a blaze of glory.
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“Slayer, the targets appear to be heading to one of the flying chariots used by the ponies. You must stop them.”
The Slayer nodded, as the tank crew drove him up to the chariot. He then quickly sat down in the gunner chair, aiming carefully, and slamming his thumbs down on the fire buttons. With an ear-splitting blast, the cannon roared its fury. The chariot and the pegasi preparing to pull it away had exploded, the only parts of either left were the flecks of blood-stained wood shrapnel.
Then, the Slayer looked towards the fortified command bunker where his targets were currently located. As he hopped out of the tank, he looked around the area. Directly in front of him, there was a large airfield, all around it were tents and barracks, all protected by a magical field that couldn’t be pierced externally with bombs or bullets.
As he ran towards the bunker entrance, armored ponies had begun climbing out of their tents only to be gunned down by some of the tank crew retaking the external machine gun. It seemed saving them was a good choice. He ran over to the steel-bound, thick wooden door and kicked it with the force of a sledgehammer. The door flew off of its hinges, slamming into the floor with a resounding thud.
The two guards' ponies on either side of the inside door barely had time to react as the Slayer, with one hand, let out one shot from each of the barrels of his shotgun. “I need to fabricate the Super Shotgun”, He thought to himself, “But for now, this will do.”
As he pondered his next choice of weaponry, he ran down the stairs inside of the bunker, soon reaching the command room. As he reached the door, he swapped to his Combat Shotgun, revving the automatic barrel before kicking the door through.
The Slayer turned the corner to see a command room with magical screens monitoring the progress of the invasion. There were five heavy-armor ponies, some unicorns, a pegasus wearing a commander uniform, and two ponies wearing the harmonic necklaces. As the commander turned around nervously, he shouted. “QUICKLY, GET THAT MONSTER, WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ELEMENT BEARERS!”
As he said this, the armored ponies formed a physical wall before the Slayer as the unicorns behind them charged up a few spells. As they fired more powerful blasts of magic towards the Slayer, he held down the trigger on his automatic shotgun, spraying clouds of buckshot into the pony shield.
The pellet’s speed and force were absorbed by the shield, as magical blasts flew towards the Slayer. He knocked over a nearby table and slid behind it as it was hit by the magical projectiles. Unluckily for the Slayer, he was hit in the arm as he ducked. The projectile burnt him in a way similar to electricity, but the slayer didn't have time to think about that.
As he sat there, the armored ponies stepped forward with their experimental weapons activated. When they stepped out from behind the magical shield, the slayer quickly launched a grenade near their feet. The blast launched them in all directions, and a few were knocked out. Only one of the armored ponies remained standing, firing the beam weapon at the table. It sliced clean through the table, nearly cutting off the Slayer’s legs, but he had avoided it long enough to get close.
This pony, however, tried to slam into him, and succeeded, as they shoved each other back and forth for a moment, but his magic-enhanced strength still meant nothing to the Slayer. Our protagonist simply used his gauntlet blade to hack off the helmet of the armor, then piercing pony flesh. As the unicorns desperately tried hitting him, he slid under their fire and used his automatic shotgun to cripple them all.
Then, he made the mistake of locking eyes with the yellow pegasus with one of the Elements. As he finished off the unicorns, his muscles locked and his body froze involuntarily. The pegasus, terrified, could only whimper in fear, both of them locking eyes and standing completely still. The pegasus commander said, “Quickly, get up the stairs. I’ll deal with this.”
As the white unicorn and yellow pegasus started to walk away, the Slayer couldn't take his eyes off of the yellow pegasus. The Commander then took his service blade in his mouth, running towards the Slayer. As the pegasus made it up the stairs and out of sight, the Slayer was freed from his mental prison. As his mind was still in turmoil, the pegasus commander took to the air, slamming into the Slayer with his hind legs.
The Slayer fell back, Quickly, he aimed his shotgun, but the pegasus flew too fast for him as he missed a few shots. As the pegasus came in for another attack, the Slayer let himself get kicked, but he grabbed the pegasus leg as he flew by. He then slammed the pegasus onto the ground with enough force to snap his spine, and he put him out of his misery with a well-placed shotgun shot.
His head snapped back to the stairway as Dr. Hayden spoke again. “Slayer, the targets are on the run. You must hurry.”
The Slayer sprinted up the stairs faster than he did down, quickly running after where the targets were shown on his helmet HUD. As he emerged, he saw the tank crew fighting the horde of ponies as he heard a battle cry coming from the direction of the rebel base. He saw a horde of humans rushing the pony main camp, dodging dropped flasks of Ponification potions as selected marksmen shot pegasi out of the sky.
After the commander was killed, the ponies were quickly overtaken as confusion set in from the loss of command. The human rebels had made a final effort to regain control, and it seemed to be going OK. The Slayer ignored this, focusing on his two targets. With them down, the Shield Dome around this camp should drop, making everything easier for the rebels.
He ran through crowds of panicking ponies, hacking and slashing as he made his way to the airfield where a second chariot was just taking off. He quickly grabbed his auto rifle, shooting a burst of high-caliber rounds into the pegasi flying the chariot. The passengers and the chariot then started to fall downwards, and he saw the yellow pegasus barely keeping the other element bearer aloft as they slowly floated to the ground.
The Slayer tried to get there as fast as he could, vaulting over obstacles and shredding any ponies in his way with ridiculous speed. As he finally reached the two survivors, the yellow pegasus tried to make eye contact, but the Slayer knew her trick. He simply put a round in her leg before grabbing the necklace of power off of her neck.
As the yellow pegasus whimpered in fear, the white unicorn tried to blast him with magic. He simply slammed his arm into her head, knocking her cleanly unconscious. He then grabbed the necklace off of her as well. He then calmly turned away from the two fallen ponies, putting his prizes into a pocket on his belt.
He then went back to join the carnage back at the main pony base.
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Hugo was now doing great. After his run-in with the giant ass dude, he met some fellow survivors, joining the fight. As he now fought in a confusing mosh-pit of a battle. As he kicked a pony to the ground, finishing him with a few shots from his pistol, he heard a scream of raw fear, then the sound of painful death. He turned around to see the huge man from before bowling through the pony horde with inhuman speed, hacking, slashing, and blasting ponies to bits.
Hugo quickly got out of his way, as the Slayer ran amid the ridiculous amounts of blood, shattering spinal cords, ripping apart enemies, and generally kicking the living shit out of some horses. Hugo almost felt sorry for them, before he remembered all of his dead or converted allies.
Hugo, now feeling even better about the outcome of this fight, returned to combat with renewed vigor, letting out rattling bursts of fire from his AK-47.
“FOR HUMANITY!!!” He shouted, helping his allies fight off the pony menace.
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As the final ponies lay in pools of their own blood, the Slayer stood there, amidst the smog from the fires and dust from the battle. Nobody dared to approach him, deeming it better to not ask any questions.
Dr. Hayden spoke into his ear with his metallic voice, saying, “Slayer. Your mission is complete. I will calibrate the return portal. Well done.”
As the Slayer looked back onto the human troops celebrating victory, he turned away, looking instead, to his left, as a rip in the very fabric of space-time opened before him. He calmly stepped through, as the rebel survivors stared in awe. His work here was done.
Author's Note
Well, it's been a week, and after making sure chapter one worked, I did it. Hopefully, for my first story, this won't be too bad.
as always, shit on my writing style in the comments below. (constructively)
thanks for reading
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