Adventure In Equestria

by lolitsme

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Human, Main 6
Length: 3270

Yet another deliberately poorly written story

hayrmoney [sic] goes on a grand adventure and saves the world universe from the evil plans of the Griffon King.

Disclaimer: To be taken with two metric tons of salt.
(Seriously, don't take this seriously.)

Rated Teen for mutilation of the English language and a few mentions of the word "sex."

Published 2012-09-09 10:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-31 17:00:07 UTC

The Adventure

Adventure in Equestria

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By lolitsme (lolitsaguy on gdocs), with illustrations by BtanH

Read on google docs here (now in Comic Sans!)

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hay (get it, cause ponies eat hay im soo witty) guiz i dediced to right a ponific, thats right hayters (see i did it again) just get out now

so here it is, hope you like it

chapter 1 the beginning of adventure

so there i was in englsh class alomst faling asleep (cuz englsh is soooo boring, i mean who needs grammer otside of scool anyways) when suddenly i acshully fell asleep accept not really cause i was just falling normally instead of falling asleep

and then suddenly i was in equstia (dont ask me how i knew that, i just know) in the sky! but then i was falling rlly fast towards the ground and i was like ohnoez if i fall on the ground ill defs be so super dead so then i casted a speel to steal the wings of the nerest pagasas pony so i wouldnt fall to my death

omg dis picture sucks balls i should be a PONY, because im in equstia not earth anemone! jeez cant you get anything right????? and i should be a unicorn, because how else would i use MAGHICKSS??? ill tell you how, with a HORN, not some STUPID WAND

so anyway i caste the speel and it worked prefectly (cause my specail talent is magick), using my fancy blue wings i flue down to the ground without diing but wait whos wings were these??? usings my magics i found out that it was rainbow dish’s wings so i was like ohno what if she fell down too and dwas all dead like i was gonna be before

so i telopert to rainbow dish (usin my super awesoem madgics) and there she was on the ground all dead and stuff and then i use my heeling speel to heel her and then she was all fine

ugh why do you SUCK so much at drawing what i want you to draw i mean OBVOUSLY i ment heel like heeling speel, not heal like high heals and why am i STILL A FRIGGIN HUMAN I TOLD YOU THAT I WASNT A HUMAN ANEMONE

‘ohemgee wow thank u so much for heeling me from the dead i was so scarred when my wings disapeppered and i started to fall from the sky but its all ok now bcause you saved me from being dead’ sed rainbow dish

‘oh its fine, i made you fall cuz i needd wings so i wouldnt fall on the ground and die’ i said

‘oh no were are my wings i dun have wing anemone how will i get into the wonderbots now’ sed ran bow dish

dats betr tho i dunno wht the thin on the homan hed is and why is there robo on wonderbot??
also what is dat cuti mark thas not elemonts of hayrmoney (hehe see wut i did there)
wait omg why am i pink its so uncool color mak me brite gren pls

‘its ok, ill copy my wings and give u the copy’ i sayd, and then i copied my wings and gave her the copy. i am so generous!

‘thank you so much i love you so much i could just kiss you right now except i am les so there is a probrem’ sed rainbow dash but then i caste a spel and she is no longer les (AN - wuldnt it be soo gross if she was les i mean jus cause she has rainbows doesnt mean she likes gurls)

and then we kissed

mean while

‘omg i can’t belive that huss rainbow dish is kissing that hot stallon’ saided flutterchai ‘im going to show her what happen when you steel my stallon from me’

dis is flutterchai but whos dude on left wit de tcup whats wit the egstra things you put keeping in?

floattershy went up to ran bow dish and pnuched her in the face wit her hoof

‘ow what was that for flutterchai’ ssid rainbow dihs

‘hes mine you huss’ said flootershy

‘who whoa whoa clam down you two you can both have me’ i staid

‘wow really??? you are so generous... uh whats your name’ saidd flosstershy

‘i am the great and powerfull and one and only and super duper speshil awseome hocus pocus abaracadabara hayrmoney the soseror’ i sed, appeering 9999999999992349083 zilean different firewoks into the are at the sam time with mi super magick abilits

ok idunno who the dude on the fierwoks is but oderwise the fireworks r good
you splelt mi name rong its hayRmoney not hay money (tho thatd be a god name 2)
also i liek how deres like no wite space left dat mens de pichurs good (mi art techer from 2 yers ago told me dat)

oh did i menshun that me cuti mark is acshully all 6 elemenopents of harmoney (see thats why mi name is hayrmoney, cause im harmoney and hay cause ponis eat hay hehehehehe hehehahaha im so funny oh man i laughed for like 100000 hours at that) so dats why mi speshul tlent is majiks and also slaughter and also kidness and also generousness and also loyalness but not onestness (because appuljeck sucks and who needs to be onest anyway i mean liing is so much better espeshully with my parents cuz they always tell me i cant hit my little sister but i just do it and say i didnt acshully and they dont care)

‘take me now, harymoney’ they both said

and then we had sex

end of chipater 1
i hope the bad picturs didnt ruin the aawesom stori for you

chapiter 2 the reel beginnin of advneture

so then we start walked to poniville but then we were stopped by princest celerstria

‘hey hayrmoney i need you to go sav the world’ she said

‘aw man, again?? but i already saved earth like 9001 times’ i repliid

‘yeah lets go’

‘wait i have to get my friends’

‘who, the old elemenopents? we dont need them anemone cause your hayrmoney’

‘but i like them their my friends’

‘ugh fine, meet me in the librari when your done’

‘thanks for stucking up for us hayrmoney’ seded rainbow dish and flutterchai

‘no probrem, now lets go find pinky pi’

so we walkeded to poniville and then there was pinky pi sleeping in the street like the hobo she is

‘hey pinky’

then pinky suddenny woke up cause her best friend was takling to her ‘GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP its hayrmony omigod omigod i have to go throw a PARTY because thats what i do throw PARTYS all day evyday’ she talked and went off to throw a super rad PARTY

‘no wait pinky we dont hav time’ i said and she herd even tho she was rly far away cause of my speshul talunt

‘awww she saided but why not???

sory pinky this is impotent we hav to save the world again go to the librari and ill be rite there

god i tolded you mak me brite gren not pink an wat kinda lamo horn is that it needs to be 20% bigur (c wut i did there cause ran bow dish sais hur dres neds 20% cooler) and cuti mark stil isnt elemopnets of hayrmoney (hehe did it agin) wut is dat poni for? nd wht is ded ponies 4?? slaughter powrs make ppl slaugh not ded you betr fix it bi next pichur

then i telemaprted me an flottershai an rainbow dish to the librari

‘oh good your here hayrmoney’ sad princes celerystia ‘whers appuljeck’

‘you know i dont like her celly’ i said

‘mk whatevs lets go save the world again’

‘wait what are we saving the world from’ i askded

‘idk lol’ said celerystia ‘thats for you to figur out cause im a lazy princes’

‘ughhhhhhhhh fine’ i saided

then i used my magicks to find the stoopid thing thats gonna destoy equstia nd teleperted it

‘mk jobs done’ but it wasnt acshully done (this is called fourshadowing)

ok bud i gav yu 2 chace 2 fix dis this is the last crzy straw (the loopi kind) that broke the horses bak MAK ME BREIT GREN N BREIT RED HARE N BIGUR BLOO HORN N FIX MI CUTIE MAKR ITS ELEMENOPENTS OF HAYRMONEY (SEE IM SO MAD IM NOT EVN PONTNG MI JOKES OUT) EVRYTIN SUX CCEPT $ THE $SHADOWING N THE BLU WINGZ

‘ok god job hayrmoney’ said celebstai and then she teleport to her char in camterloot to sit on her fat as smore

wats the marsmelo cracka for?? but yes dis is purfuct princes cele strial siting on her as

‘wait whyd you get us 5 here if you could just fix it yuself’ asked twliht spralke

for cex obvi

and then we haved cex

later

i was chilin in the liberry with twilgiht when mi hayrmoney senses tinlged (see there like spider census but hayrmoney like my name)

‘theres a meteor about to distroy de liberry i talked

‘oh no what will we do’ said twlithg

‘idk’

‘wtf man i though you cold do smthng you jerk’

‘oright ya i can telemaprt the metor to other place opps’

wow tis pic so good, trii loox xactly liek on show n metor loox like it gon kil ponis
also finly u giv me big bloo horn n green colur n stuf tanx
also wat r red n porpel tings on trii for???

‘whew twiligth relived

oh crap brb i have to go do my homwork (stupid englihs homwork again) dont touch anithng bro

well be right back after these mesages

(Seeing as how my brother’s doing his homework and left this open, I thought I’d give my skills at BSing a try and write a little bit of his story for him. Let me know what you think.)

Twilight looked through her various shelves of books on grammar, attempting to decide which book to give to “hayrmoney” [sic] so he wouldn’t keep talking like a bumbling illiterate dyslexic (no offense meant to dyslexics). She settled on “The Foal’s First Guide to Grammar” and levitated it over to him. “Here, I think you could put this to good use.”

“but whi i nid dat i so gud at gramer n evrything” [Translation: “But why would I need that, I’m perfect at everything, including grammar.”] said “hayrmoney”.

“Uh, I beg to differ,” said Twilight, “now hurry up and get out before I have to kick you out.”

“hayrmoney” left the library to go back to his house. Oh wait a second, he didn’t have a house. He sat down on the dirt road outside the library, and opened the book to page one. But because he was illiterate, he couldn’t read any of it, even if it was in English instead of Equestrian. He settled for looking at the pictures of foals, because he found them irresistibly attractive.

After he was done “perusing” the book, he returned it to Twilight. “I hope you learned something about grammar today, ‘hayrmoney’.”

“oh dun wori i lerndded soooo much 2day!!!” [Translation: Oh, don’t worry, I learned so much today!”]

“I’m glad to hear that,” Twilight responded.

“ok imma go bk 2 mi haus nao” said “hayrmoney”. [Translation: “Ok, I’m going to go back to my house now”]

“hayrmoney” then left the library and walked the streets of Ponyville. He felt a strange tingling sensation in his sides and head, and then suddenly his horn and wings fell off. He didn’t notice immediately, but after two hours or so (his standard reaction time), he tried to kill an innocent pony with his OP magical powers because he was bored.

He tried for a good fifteen minutes, attracting strange looks from at least thirty other ponies before he gave up. Then he looked up and saw nothing where there should have been a horn. He was so shocked at this frightening revelation that he passed out in the middle of the street.

(Oh, it looks like he’s pretty much done his homework. Hope you enjoyed the proper grammar and spelling, because it won’t be back anytime soon. Also, if you’re reading this (which I doubt because you never proofread your stuff), Mom wants you down for dinner in ten minutes.)

ok guis im back, time for more strory
we now return to adventure in equstia

wait OMG WTF BRO WHO DAHELL DO YOU TH\NK YOU ARE< RITONG MY STORY I TLOD YUO NTO TO RITE NETHING U NO I DON USE BAKSPCE BCAUSE IT MAKS STORY SHORTED AND LONG STOY EQULS GUD STROY

I HAT YOU SO MUCH RITE MOW

omg whi is there pichur her its not part of stori

sory about that guis juts felling so frostarated at mi bro hes not a bro at al

ok lets tak a lok at teh dmg

omg why did he make me a erth poni i HAT ERTH PONIS LIEK APPULJECK dey sock su much accept pinky cause shes cool

ok you no what jus ignor evrytin he rote cuz it sucks caus its like the things i have to red for englihs class and dey suck so much

where was i agin oh rite i just savd de liberry from the metor

else where

all de ponis were town hall for unvelng (i lernd big word in scool 2day isnt you proud) of nu hospatil for traitoring sick ponis n old pnis n babby ponis wen sudenly metors cam n kild evryone (AN - sry ignor dat i ment evryponi)

(AN again - i chequed the character cont and it was 9001 witout spaces rite be4 i rote this just thot you shuld no dat its OVER ())) !! but not anemone cuz i aded this in but i gues its still over 9000 jus not 9001)

ok bak to teh stori

all de ponies in town hall inclding appuljeck (cause she sucx) sudenly died bcause of metor (dat i telported to sav de liberry)

back in de liberry

i laffed cause of the metor in town hall

‘why you laffing sad twi (AN - im to lazy too rite her hole name so il call her twi from now on)

‘cuz metor kild so many ponis’ i said laffing

‘haha thos ponis didnt deserve to liv bcause deyr not frinds wit hayrmoney whod save them if dey were his frinds’ said tiw

sudenly there was earthquick and liberry shok and books fall from shelfs

‘spik go put boks back on shelfs’ odored tiw

‘but hayrmoney can fix it with his magyx’ saded spik’

‘but hes guest so he cant do it’ said twi

‘omg i hat you so much twi alwys making me book shelfs’

‘yea yea the onli reason i didnt kik you out uyet was cuz you can book shelfs n mak food and slave for me’

‘hehe watching slave spike so funny’ i saided

omg were am i u suc so much dis storys abut me not twi n spik so put me in pic not jus them

‘oh one sec we shuld cheq earthquick’ twi said;

‘its k i chequed wit my hayrmoney sens nothing rong’

‘wtf is hayrmoney sense is dat like pinky sens’

‘yea accept like 1093xx (PS i made dat # up) more soopre good poweful and acurate’

‘wow you so cul’

‘stil i wana go to town hal to c earthquick’

‘fine lets go’ i deported to town hal

why are no colurs in pic?? lazi drawr shuld add colurs in....... loks moar profffressionel
oderwiz its gud tho

inside metor was dyschord

‘muhahahaha evil vilan laff’ laffed deschord

‘wat i thot we stoned yu alredy’

‘nope muhahahahaha evil villan laf’ laffed dischord who dispeppered

inside hayrmoneys mind, best plac ever cause hayrmoney is best poni n were inside his brane

dyschord peppered an turned brane up sidown

muhahaha laff laff now nothin can stop me laff laff cause hayrmoney is onli one able to defeet me

end of chipatre 2 (this is caled clifhager)
dis stori stil awesome rite???

begining of chapiter 3 - reel sooper adventure tiem

last tiem on adventur in equstia

inside hayrmoneys mind, best plac ever cause hayrmoney is best poni n were inside his brane

dyschord peppered in brian an turned brane up sidown

ok wtf is dis pic i dun get wats goin on o wel

muhahaha laff laff now nothin can stop me laff laff cause hayrmoney is onli one able to defeet me

(btw that was copi of last part of chater 2 in cas you wantd to now)

o no wat i do nao brane is upsidown o wait dat no matur

hayrmoney pulld oot gun with magicks (bcuz magic n advnced teck is liek sam thin so magick = guns) n shotted dis cord

yea wat u doin in dis pic omg stop drawin tings i cant nderstan

‘wat hao that posble’ saided dyschorded n den he dieded

‘itz maghicks i aint gon ex-plane siht’ i sad

dun get it, y is hat wit blak n wite stik magic i thot majic was wit hons n stoff serusly ppl won liek it if i cant nderstand

back at ton hall

discorded wass killed dead bi bulet hol 2 head n ponis were all liek ‘’yey no moar discod’’ (AN - hao you use kuote marks witout presin botun 2 times liek ‘’ tel me in comnts pls)

tilight was liek wow hao u do dat i wan to shot discord in hed

‘’ oh its ez jus use majics an pick up gun’ i said

‘rly???? ok’ den tiwlite mad gun using magiks n shotd dischord

‘yey discod ded’ i sayd ok now wat we do

‘haaav parti’ sed ponki pi

‘ok’

so we had parti, was alot of fun n aftr had lots of cex

next day

i wok up at 1 thrity 7 n wokd every1 up ‘its tim 4 adventur evryponi’

twi wok up n slepili sed ‘wher we goin’

‘to griffland cauz their jerkz’

‘mk guys waik up where goin to griffland to kil grifs’ said twi

‘wat but gillda is a griff’ sed rain bow dish

‘scru hur shes a jerk 2’ i sad

‘ok if u sai so’

den i tele moved me n ponis to griffland insantly cuz dis is takin 2 long in frant of grifking (i culd tel cauz he had crawn(

‘fak u grifking ur a jerk’ GO DI IN HOL king of jerx

grifking sayded ‘i hatu hayrmoney bcuz i am jerx king’ nao i kil u
wil hayrmoney survif? findot nex tim on advnetur in equstia
dun dun dun

end of chipatre 3

ok im bord i gon rite smoar nao

sart chiaptre 4

AN _ if u liek dis stori plz don8 moni 2 mi i am poor afriqan orphen mi paipal is asdlfhalehfalirhf@yahoo.afriqa n mi runscape usernam iz xXzZz1oNeShWt420420zZzXx plz giv mi golds n rune tings im so por

ok i use gun nao n kil grifking caz grifking is jerk n gun is awsom 4 jerk kill

den grifking was ded n we livd hapily evur aftur

mk so hers grikfing (not gilde) n he ded (nids moar blud tho imo but mebbe baclgrund cn bee al blod yea how bout he blud all ovur background)

the end hope you njoied storey pls donate