Team Ponies 2

by Citpo

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Sex, Random, Crossover, Applejack, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 1206

One-Shot story that I don't intend on editing nor revisiting on a TF2 MLP crossover.

This story is a one-shot, hinting on the vicious cycle of Team Fortress 2's wonderful map known as 2Fort. I've crossed it over into My Little Pony through implying that there are gamer ponies in Equestria. I came up with this idea at 12:00AM and finished writing it at 4AM (multiple procrastination breaks included, as in I could have written this in 30 minutes or so were I really dedicated to the cause ) and was taken light-heartily. Also, my first shot at writing a fan fic ever, so things from here do not look too swell. Enjoy if you can, although I don't guarantee it.

The teen rating is just to be on the safe side as I briefly touch on minimal gore and literally five words relating to sex.

Published 2012-09-09 10:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-09 10:34:02 UTC

It's called wasting time

The RED spy approached the corner of the BLU team’s intelligence room in 2Fort. He de-activated his invisibility cloak as he silently equipped his butterfly knife with his right hand. He froze up as he took the corner as he heard that unmistakable, thick Texan accent echo through the apparent empty hallways of the underground structure, saying “Sentry goin’ up!” as the Engineer attended to the mechanical war machine, or rather, hitting it like a barbarian with his monkey wrench. As the Spy regained his composure, he knew he’d have to make up for lost time, were he to successfully obtain the intel before the sentry gun opened fire on him. He increased his strides yet maintaining silence and stealth as the distance between him and the Engineer was closing in. He pulled out an Electro Sapper and deployed it through sliding it along the floor, landing perfectly underneath the now complete sentry gun, inching closer and closer as the Engineer screamed in surprise, “Spy’s sappin’ my…” But to no avail did the last word escape his mouth, or any noise at all due to the Spy clasped his hand on the Engineer’s mouth as the Spy drove the Balisong deeper into the back of the Engineer. Blood trickled from the Engineer’s open mouth as the Spy withdrew the knife from his back along with his grasp on his face, allowing the Texan to hit the floor with a soft thud. As the sentry gun exploded into different assorted bits of scrap metal, the Spy pulled out his Spytron 3000; which was cleverly disguised as a cigarette case, and pulled out a cigarette in which he proceeded to bring to his lips and ignited the stick of nicotine. He then exhaled the smoke after retrieving the intel, stepping over the deceased Engineer as he made his escape from the BLU fort.

“I never really was on your side” said the figure with what could be considered the worst French accent in the whole world into her headset. Or should I say, worst accent in all of Equestria, as this shaded figure was actually a pony or rather, a changeling to be precise. I am quite sure you know her well. What with her tar black coat, those bug-like wings, her strangely elongated figure, the fangs which protrude from her upper jaw line and her swamp green mane loosely hanging from her head. Or was it aqua/teal, I could never really tell. Oh, and who could forget those delicate legs with more holes than a swiss cheese roll along with her crooked horn. (Yes that’s right it’s Chrysalis. Who else would make a better spy?) Chrysalis sat there laughing as she “Spy-Crabbed” on the Engineer’s dead body whilst a thick, Southern accent screamed profanity at her through the headset. “Darn tootin’ mother-bucker, you best watch your flank next time ‘fore I kick it all over Sweet Apple Acres an’ back, ya here me?!” screamed Applejack through her headset, rage dominating her voice. Chrysalis couldn’t help but laugh at Applejack’s threat as she countered, “Ooo, I am so scared right now I’m practically shaking in my hooves,” teasing Applejack into a further state of rage “What will you do, will you kill me with illiteracy?” Chrysalis said as her Spy proceeded to then leave the BLU compound, crossing the bridge and onto the RED side of 2Fort where her victory was short lived due to being confronted by the BLU team Pyro. Chrysalis scowled as her smug face was changed to one of irritation as the Spy she commanded cried in agony “Fire, Fire, FIRE!” with the BLU Pyro following close behind, spewing a stream of fire from a Flame-Thrower which led to the Spy’s inevitable death. All that could be heard was the heavy breathing from Chrysalis and the muffled laughing from Pinkie Pie as her mouth was muffled from trying to talk whilst eating a slice of her new “Super Duper Double Hoof Scooper Cake”. Coincidentally all that could be heard from in-game and through the headset was “Mpmh hmm hmm mmh mnh!” whilst Chrysalis beat her hoof against the desk and tugged at her hair in anger yet not uttering a single word, lest the tables turn and the role between her and Applejack change. This however failed as Applejack teased Chrysalis, “Aww, what’s the matter, sugarcube? Can’t handle that flank whoopin’ you just got ‘cause you only know how to dish it out? Shucks, I thought you were made up’a stronger stuff than that.” Unfortuanetly, Pinkie’s acquisition of the fallen intel would not be successful, as a RED scout leaped from the RED fort’s balcony with the trusty Scattergun in hand and onto the unfortunate BLU Pyro. The Scout fired multiple shots into the BLU Pyro during the time in which the Scout closed the distance between himself and the intel. When the BLU intel was acquired, the Scout pulled out his trusty metal baseball bat and ran circles around Pinkie Pie’s Pyro (Triple P, wut?) as the Pyro spun in circles, trying to catch the Scout in a ‘burning ring of fire.’ Much to the Pyro’s dismay, however, the flamethrower soon ceased any flame spitting due to the lack of flammable gas being funneled into the flame as RED Scout grasped the baseball bat with two hands, swinging into the optical mask of the Pyro and knocking the Pyro into the water running below the bridge. All that could be heard from in-game and from the headset was a synchronized “Mmnnnnmmmhhhh!” from Pinkie Pie and the Pyro as the Pyro descended into the watery grave. “I’m a Force-A-Nature!” screamed Rainbow Dash as she led the Scout back to the RED’s underground compound, “I think I just made this game 20% cooler.” Due to Rainbow Dash having no opposition stopping her from getting to the intel drop-zone, the score soon changed into 1 – 0, in favor for the RED team which resulted in Rainbow Dash making her Scout taunt and dance. Somewhere in Ponyville, however, Ditzy Doo was leaping from cloud to cloud and minding her own business. The interesting thing about this was that Ditzy did not know was the fact that she was unleashing bolts of lightning as she leaped from cloud to cloud, unleashing havoc to whatever may lie below. Coincidentally, she also happened to be jumping over the power station in which apparently all of Equestria was connected to. The result of this was a power outage, turning off the battle stations of Chrysalis (Chrysler? Who would’ve thought of that…), Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. All of the ponies (and changeling) screamed in unison “Noooooooooo!(Mmmmnnnnnnnnnnnmmmhh!!)” as Ditzy said one word and one word only sheepishly, “Oops.”

The End

---------------------------------------------------------Alternative Ending---------------------------------------------------------

(After the power outage)

The three ponies (and changeling) somehow found out that Ditzy was the one to blame and they had a massive group orgy. I mean this is obviously the only solution. Right? Or they ended up killing her. Something about bananas from Princess Celestia and the banana count needing to be doubled from Princess Luna. Who am I to decide what happens after this? Oh, never mind that last bit.