"Okay, Sandy. I'm here, in the office." Jake Ranier tossed his denim jacket on the guest chair. "Now what's so important and top-secret I had to take my life in my hands braving Route 90 traffic?"
"Shh!" Sandy Shannon, as usual perfectly coiffed and smartly dressed in a stylish grey business suit, nodded towards the workroom down the hall. "I just might have an angel investor on the hook. She's here today, scoping us out. This could be our big break, Jake, so please don't blow it!"
"Really?" Jake blinked. "This is news. Who is it?"
"Uhh, well --" Sandy looked uncomfortable. "You know there's been talk about this weird portal thing being opened, and visitors crossing over from..." She lowered her voice. "... you know where."
"You mean Equestria? Sure, I know about that."
"Oh." As usual, Sandy was more at home with business acumen than fantasy worlds. "Well, apparently they have their own role-playing system. Something called..." She glanced at a crib-sheet on her desk. "Ogres and Oubliettes."
"Oh, great." Jake grunted. "More competition."
"It is not competition," Sandy objected. "It's an entirely new market: an established fantasy RPG system in this other world, with an entirely new field of customers. We don't have to worry about publishing and marketing the game. We just take our existing adventure modules and map them over. And if they're a hit, we can work on a distribution deal. Plus we'll have bragging rights, as one of the first companies doing business over there. For once, we'll be the ones leading the way, calling the shots."
"Buuuut..." Jake pointed out, "first we need to sell this investor on our game modules?"
Sandy reluctantly came down from Cloud Nine-Figure-Deal, and nodded.
"I need your help here, Jake. You know the game system better than I do."
"Well sure, but what module can we use? I'd have to study their system, see what would work, how to map things across."
"Well... I might actually have already taken a stab at it. You know, with the adventure you had in development..."
"You didn't." Jake's mouth fell open. "Siege of Castle Camden? That's so rough-cut it'll give you splinters! I'm not even comfortable showing that to family yet!"
Sandy motioned placatingly. "It'll be fine. I just... changed the wording, changed people to ponies, that sort of thing. But you know how the adventure should roll. I need you to sit in, in case there are any questions."
"Like... what is this completely unprofessional mess that I'm playing, here?"
"Shh, think positive! No, better yet, think about being set for life. Now come on, they're waiting for us."
Rolling his eyes, Jake allowed himself to be steered out of the office and down the hallway. As they approached the workroom, he could hear a gravelly voice speaking from inside it, in a portentous tone:
"Are you prepared... to enter the world of Ogres and Oubliettes?"
A cultured, lilting voice spoke in reply.
"Ready as ever, Spikey-Wikey! Or rather, in-game I should say: Garbunkle the Great?"
"Aw, gee! Ahem... I live but to serve, Your Royal Highness!"
Jake turned the corner, looked into the room, and stared. He couldn't help it. Even with everything he'd read, everything he'd heard, everything he'd seen on the news and online... the full reality of it was a bit of a shock.
Seated comfortably in a plush chair to the left of the round worktable was a unicorn. An actual, honest-to-God unicorn. A mare, it appeared, judging by the long, heavy eyelashes. They gave her face a mildly predatory look, like a Venus flytrap. Pony-sized and ivory-white in coloring, she had a deep violet mane and tail, which were so expertly starched and coiffed that she looked like a salon advertisement. An expensive-looking faux-fur cloak, speckled with diamonds, hung on the chair back behind her. And she simply exuded wealth and glamour and confident business savvy.
Kind of like Sandy, Jake thought with a smirk, when she's in full-on Let's Make a Deal mode.
Across the table, standing on a chair with a couple of books on it to bring him up to table-height, was a dragon. A small, chubby-limbed purple dragon with green spines and emerald-green eyes. The dragon had a folding screen and dice and books arranged in front of him, and was experimentally shaking dice in his claws while reading over a module description.
My module description, Jake realized, feeling on the spot. A dragon is going to GM my barely-baked fantasy adventure. Like wow, no pressure, right?
The dragon looked up. "Oh, hey! More players, that's perfect!"
"Hi, everypony!" Sandy called brightly, and ignored Jake's snide glance at her obvious schmoozing. "This is Jake. He's lead game designer and expert on all things game-wise at South Coast Sorcerers. Jake, this is Rarity, financier and fashion mogul."
The unicorn dimpled and nodded proudly.
"How do you do, Jake?"
Before he could even react, Sandy blitzed onward. "And this is Spike," she said, indicating the dragon. "He's Rarity's chief playtester, as I understand it."
"Oh, Spikey's far more than that," Rarity said, waving a forehoof. "He's an expert on these role-playing games. I'd be absolutely lost without his guidance."
Surprised, Jake exchanged a you-too-huh look with the small dragon, as he and Sandy sat down at the table. "So..." he said cautiously, "what's your reaction to the module so far?"
"I think it'll work," the dragon said. "You guys wanna help us give it a try?"
"Oh, absolutely," Sandy agreed. "That's what we're here for."
The dragon grinned. "You two have characters already, or should I roll something for ya?"
Jake pointed at the adventure packet. "There's some boilerplate character sheets in the back. I'll play the mercenary soldier, just to save time."
"A-ha..." Spike said, giving Jake an evaluating look as he slid the sheet over. "That means you'll have to be on your toes here. 'Cause you're bodyguarding Her Highness!"
"That's me," Rarity said. "I am Princess Schmarity, of Spiketopia -- don't ask, darlings -- a level 25 diplomat with a focus on negotiation and intrigue, plus a few shield and style spells I picked up along the way." She pumped a forehoof with gusto. "Blind 'em with fashion, I say!"
"And I'm her court magician," the dragon said smugly. "Garbunkle the Great, a level 38 Enchanter with major skill points in intellect and perception."
"Nice!" Jake agreed. "One thing a tank likes, it's good DPS backing him up." He and the dragon exchanged grins, two aficionados in their element.
"Um..." Sandy looked doubtful. "What character should I play?"
"You want to play a healer?" Jake offered, seeking something that would suit Sandy's hands-off management style.
"Oo-ooh!" Rarity said. "I know! Sandy can be my attaché. That'll be very helpful once we've taken Castle Camden."
"But... taking the castle is the goal of the adventure," Jake said. Then he winced as Sandy elbowed him sharply.
"Of course it is," Sandy said smoothly. "Now, let's just go ahead and play the adventure, as you would under the O&O rules. That'll help us... er, get more familiar with the system."
"You got it!" said Spike. He spent a few moments rolling dice and filling out a character sheet, which he pushed across to Sandy. Then he nodded to Rarity. The unicorn concentrated briefly, her horn gleaming a brilliant blue.
And somehow all the lights in the office went out.
A flashlight lit up, its beam shining on Spike's small face. "In a world where evil reigns supreme..." he intoned mysteriously, "a small band of valiant royal diplomats struggles to save a kingdom at war with itself... this is Ogres and Oubliettes!"
The lights came up again. And Jake was impressed. With an intro like that even his half-baked, rough-draft scenario sounded like triple-A material.
"Okay," said Spike, consulting the scenario page. "Our story opens on the battlefield before Castle Camden. And... yada yada, lots of fighting back and forth, lots of chases and escapes and siege weapons and stuff. Let's just skip all that, since it's not really important to the story."
"But, but... that kinda is the story..." And Jake winced as Sandy viciously nudged him again.
"Are you kidding me?" Spike grinned. "Once they take the castle, that's where the real adventure begins."
"It is?"
Rarity nodded. "Because even after the fighting is over, one still needs to arrange a lasting peace between two sides that have been at war for... how long was it, Spikey?"
"Fourty-four years," Jake whispered, as the dragon said it aloud.
"That is going to require a top-notch diplomat," Rarity said primly. "And it just so happens that I and my diligent attaché -- under the kind protection of our hired bodyguard and the ever-resourceful magician Garbunkle -- have arrived just in the nick of time to negotiate an accord which will keep all this unpleasantness from happening ever again."
"How do we do that?" Jake asked. "Our game system doesn't have anything relating to diplomacy."
"Huh!" Spike said. "Lucky for us, O&O does. Your Highness, if you would?"
Rarity smiled, and lit her horn again. A fat hardcover book lifted from a pile on the floor next to Spike's chair and landed in his claws. He showed it off proudly. "See? A scenario like this is gonna call for the Diplomat's Manual. It's got all kinds of bargaining strategies, argument plays, and proto-treaties you can start with. And there's a whole section on subterfuge and backstabbing and back-room negotiation. Trust me, if there's anything you wanna know about handling a round or two of intense negotiation, it's in here somewhere."
He thunked the volume onto the table. It was fatter than any reference guide Jake had ever seen.
"All right," Spike went on. "Let's pick it up as our diplomatic team enters the Camden throne room. The hereditary ruler, King Placeholder, is seated on the throne. The self-styled usurper Sir Lyle of Hackneyed is facing him. Both of them look grimly determined. After a long and bitter conflict they have sought to parley, but it's nearly come to blows. Your Highness, what do you do?"
Rarity nodded. "I enter with a light-hearted greeting, offering my services as neutral observer and expert negotiator."
Spike nodded. "Roll for initiative."
As Rarity picked up a die in front of her with her magic, shook it in the air, then let it roll on the table, Jake looked at Sandy.
"There's nothing in the adventure scenario about this stuff," he whispered helplessly.
"I know," she whispered back. "Just roll with it!"
There followed a lengthy and involved sequence of discussion and debate, during which Spike was kept busy rolling the D20, the D6, and even a special "debate die" he'd brought with him, which mysteriously somehow had seven faces rather than just six, to mediate the development and eventual signing of the peace treaty.
Jake's mercenary mostly stood by the sidelines throughout, except for one exciting moment when a check roll triggered a threat event, in which a hitherto unseen assassin in the audience flung a dagger at Princess Schmarity. Garbunkle attempted a saving throw, but fumbled it. So Jake heroically sent his mercenary diving into the dagger's path. Happily, his armor check succeeded and the dagger glanced off harmlessly.
"The assassins make good their escape," Spike said, "vanishing into the crowd, never to be seen again." He shrugged indifferently. "Eh, that happens a lot. Security in these old castles is really lousy, you know?"
Princess Schmarity thanked Jake's mercenary, voluably and heart-feltly, for such a noble and selfless act. And then Jake sat idly by once more, for another fourty minutes of persuasion rolls, counterproposal rolls, subterfuge rolls, and miscellaneous event rolls. Plus something called an incidental delay roll, which only triggered once and caused the scribe's inkwell to run dry.
"Huh, that happens a lot too, when I'm taking notes for Twilight," Spike said with a smirk.
During all this, Sandy had her own moment as well. At one point, negotiations seemed to be breaking down. Both sides were accusing each other of having deliberately misplaced a key land-boundary agreement, in an effort to subvert the discussion.
"Oh, my word, Lady Shannon!" Rarity moaned, a forehoof pressed dramatically to her brow. "My faithful attaché, whatever shall we do?" Then she winked and nodded towards the dice. "Saving throw, my dear," she whispered.
"Your character has a filing-system skill that you can roll against," Spike added helpfully, pointing at her character sheet. "Ahem, not that Garbunkle would know about such things."
"Oh!" Sandy mistakenly grabbed the D10, then seeing the looks on everyone's faces, she recovered and rolled the right die.
"20!" Spike yelled. "Yeah! Critical hit!"
Sandy looked around nervously. "And... that's good?"
"Oh yeah!" Spike flipped to a different section in the Manual, consulted a chart. "Not only do you have the missing document," Spike said dramatically. "But due to your impressive filing system, you also bring out the county land assessor's report and tax records. The debating parties are so intimidated by your quick and thorough diligence, they immediately agree to skip debate over land boundaries, and move right on to authority of the nobles in the newly-divided lands."
"Which... is also good?" Sandy hedged.
"Absolutely! You just saved a whole half-day's arguing right there!"
"Oh! Well..." Sandy shrugged. "That's just me. I always believe in making a good impression."
"Don't we all, dearest?" Rarity agreed smugly.
Finally, the treaty was ready. Spike's check roll succeeded for the King signing the document. And then the roll for Sir Lyle...
... crit failed.
"Oooo," Spike said, staring at the die. He glanced around the table, then quickly consulted an event list in the Diplomat's Manual. And looked up at Jake.
"Major betrayal event. Sir Lyle gives you a secret nod, Jake -- indicating you are to take Princess Shmarity hostage, since you've been working for him all along."
Jake blinked in disbelief. "What? Me? I'm not the hero? But... I'm always the hero!"
"It happens, my dear," Rarity said. "The game occasionally throws one's character a curve ball, just to spice things up."
Spike nodded. "O&O isn't just about swords and magic and fighting and stuff," he explained. "That gets old after a while, because it's just number-crunching and min-maxing. The game is actually much more about story, about drama, about characters making big decisions and facing events that cause lasting changes in their lives -- sometimes in ways they weren't expecting." The dragon shrugged. "It sometimes means a bit more work for the GM. But that's what makes the game so great! When you run a successful game, you feel like you're giving your friends a real, meaningful adventure, which they'll be talking about for days, even weeks after."
"Wow," Jake said. "That sounds... really cool." He thought fast. "Okay, so, what if I had a last-minute change of heart? I mean, seeing how close the negotiation was to providing peace in our time and all that. What if I decided to throw in my lot with the Princess's team?"
Spike nodded eagerly. "Great drama play! That's worth extra XP." He rolled a D6, consulted a table, and the rolled two D10s and consulted another table. "Yes! It turns out your mercenary went to the same boarding school as Lady Shannon. And during your adventures together you heard first-hoof -- sorry, first-hand -- what excellent work the Princess has been doing bringing warring kingdoms together."
Rarity fluffed her mane proudly. "It all comes from a love of style, my dears. Social unrest is so unflattering in a nation-state."
"And so," Spike said, "you stand up to Sir Lyle, confront him, and -- roll against persuasion..."
Jake did, and was relieved when the check easily succeeded.
"... and you make a rousing speech in favor of the Princess and her efforts, which puts Sir Lyle on the defensive. And..." Spike rolled his D20, gritting his teeth. "Yes! Your grand gesture persuades both sides they're better off accepting the terms of the peace treaty. Grudgingly, Sir Lyle is forced to sign the accord. Wow! Jake, you just clinched the deal! Congratulations!"
Spike reached out a claw excitedly, and Jake reached over to shake it, gritting his teeth against the dragon's sharp claw-tips. "So," he said. "That's it then? We won the adventure?"
"Oh, heck no!" Spike said gleefully. "Now we get to play out the peace, to keep it from falling right back into war again. And for that, we're gonna need a few more players here."
He looked up and yelled at the empty air above the table. "Captain Wuzz? Are you there? Can you hear me?"
And Jake leaned back, worriedly, as a hole spun open in midair over the table. A creature looking very much like a cross between a menagerie and a hatrack leaned out of it, with a leering grin. "Well, of course I'm here! Wherever this universe is." He made a face, and then grinned down at Spike. "Ah! Garbunkle the Great, I presume. Time to bring in the team?"
"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, Discord?"
"Oh, for my little band of gaming compadres, whyever would I mind?"
Bringing up a claw, Discord snapped it.
And then, in short order, Jake was being introduced to several more members of the playtesting group.
Firstly, there was Discord himself -- Lord of Chaos, as he introduced himself in Elder God tones. "But of course, when I stoop to RPing like this," he went on more conversationally, "I usually play an archer. Level 15 at the moment, but with a bullet! Or should I say an arrow, just to be in-game?" He shrugged. "After all, this is supposed to be a family-friendly gaming experience, all about slicing and dicing one's enemies, and whatnot..."
There was also a large, red-hued stallion, who Spike introduced as Big Mac. Despite his size, the stallion sheepishly answered every question with as few words as possible -- which sometimes amounted to none at all. Jake found this strange given that Big Mac appeared to be cosplaying a heavy-armored Black Knight, with a sword large and sharp enough to mow down entire forests. Still, Jake had seen all sorts at gaming conventions, so it was nothing new, really.
There was an excitable, feathered creature called Gabby, half bird and half lion, who on being introduced to Jake shrieked with boundless joy, shook his hand with both her claws like a long-lost cousin, and then went flying about the room chattering at the top of her lungs about how real everything looked.
Accompanying her was another feathered creature, this one half pony, half eagle. Bright yellow in color, he shook Jake's hand much more timidly. "Hi, Jake -- it's really great to meet you."
"This is Thorax," Spike said proudly. "He's a changeling."
"And that is?" Jake asked, looking at Spike. As he spoke, there was a brief wash of glowing light in front of him, and when he turned back he was staring at something that appeared to be part pony, part earwig, and part Easter egg too, at least in coloration.
"Changelings can change shape," Spike said. "So we asked Thorax to take on a hippogriff form while we're playing, to help with playtesting on their behalf."
Thorax appeared to be grinning, but the expression in his cranberry-hued insect eyes was very difficult to read. "Spike was kind enough to teach me the game," he said. "I'm hoping I can get the other changelings interested. It seems like a great outlet for creativity and self-expression. And that's just what the Hive needs these days."
In a flash of magic, the changeling looked like a yellow hippogriff once more.
"Oookay," Jake said. "That is cool... and officially the most mind-bending thing I've seen all day."
"Thanks!" Thorax said. "I play a rogue character in game. Not too surprising, I suppose. And I have skill points in stealth, illusion, and persuasion."
"But don't let that worry you," added Spike. "Thorax is a great guy to have at your back. Okay, everycreature!" he said to the group. "Are we ready to play?"
They all nodded readily -- save for Discord, who glanced around haughtily at them all.
"Oh, I think we're ready to take this game up a notch, don't you?" He held up a claw, and grinned hintingly.
Spike nodded. "I'm still GM'ing though, right?"
"Oh, absolutely. I'll gladly leave all that tedious dice-rolling to you mere mortals."
With that, Discord snapped his fingers.
And Jake suddenly had a new most mind-bending thing to deal with.
"Hang on..." he said, amazed. "Is this VR or something? You mean the game's real now?"
A couple hours later, with the alliance safely preserved, the spies and saboteurs rooted out, and several stabilizing addenda added to the treaty, Spike finally declared the mini-campaign a success.
And Rarity looked around the table at the various playtesters. "Well, what did you all think? Did you enjoy the game?"
They mostly nodded, allowing it had been a fun session. But Jake could sense their hesitation, their uncertainty.
"Let's be honest," he said to Spike. "You don't really think this module works for O&O."
"Oh, don't get me wrong," Spike said quickly. "It's a great starting point, and the setting and plot are creative and suit the style of the game real well. But, if I'm gonna be honest... I've rolled better adventures myself from scratch."
"Yeah, I hear you," Jake agreed. "And I thought you did a great job, by the way, turning my half-baked sketch into a full-fledged campaign on the fly. You must really like this game."
"Oh, my word, yes!" said Rarity. "Spikey would play it all day if he had a willing group to game with him. And he's so wonderfully inventive and confident. He always tries to make sure everycreature is having fun. Which as I understand it, are the chief qualifications for a GM."
"Yeah," Spike said. "The whole point of the game is about spending time with your friends, not the loot."
"So..." Sandy said, deflatedly. "I guess that means we don't have an investment deal after all, huh?"
"What?" Rarity stared at her. "Don't be silly, Sandy! Of course we do."
"But Spike said..."
"Oh, we're not here for the game modules," Spike grinned. "We're here for the dice!"
"What?" Jake gaped. "Seriously?"
"Sure!" Spike replied, nodding. "See, we've been trying to get more creatures interested in the game back home. Like the griffons." He pointed at Gabby, who beamed and waved happily. "Or the hippogriffs and the changelings." He nodded to Thorax, who returned the nod readily. "If we can get some kind of international league going, O&O will really hit the big time. But we need a better quality of dice, for those of us with claws rather than hooves." He rolled the D20 around in his claw by way of demonstration. "And these babies are great!"
"Er... they are?"
"No question. They're weighted perfectly: not too heavy on the claw, yet they land solidly on the table. The plastic is tough, so it resists scratching, but still has a nice, comfortable claw-feel. And the numbering is clear and easy to read. Plus it's also inset, rather than painted on, so it won't chip or wear from regular use."
"And your font choice is perfect, my dears," Rarity agreed. " Sans-serif boldface for the win, as they say!"
"Best of all," Spike said, "from what I understand, they're 3D printed, so they can come in designer colors. I can have a set of dice exactly the color of my scales, so everycreature knows it's mine!"
"Oh?" Rarity asked, staring at him. "What about ruby red, Spikey?"
The dragon shrugged. "Eh, tried that once. Made some dice out of rubies, with the numbers chiseled out. But then when it came time to play, I found that I'd accidentally snacked on them by mistake. You know me and gems, it's like eating nachos!"
"You really think our dice are that big a deal?" Sandy asked.
"Trust me," Spike said. "We've been to just about every game manufacturer around. And I'd say this is the best so far. Right, gang?"
They all nodded in agreement.
"So," Sandy asked, amazed, "what's our next step here? Should I draw up a contract?"
"We can sort out the details later," Rarity said. "For now, how about coming along with us and meeting the other investors?"
"Other investors?" Jake asked, surprised.
"Oh, of course! I mean, I am bankrolling things to a certain extent. But I could never hope to fund this effort entirely on my own. We have a small board of investors back home. Including an actual Princess -- a certain Princess of the Night. Though word of advice, dears, keep that to yourselves. She wishes to keep her involvement in the game on the QT, so to speak."
"So when you say come along with you," Sandy asked, hesitantly, "you mean..."
"... back to Equestria?" Jake finished for her, amazed.
"Absolutely!" Spike said.
"Oh, you'll like it there," Discord agreed. "A bit cloyingly colorful and sappily sentimental at first. But after a while," he added with an unusually dreamy smile, "the place does rather grow on you..."
"Uh, we're not gonna turn into ponies, are we?" Jake asked.
Spike shook his head. "Nah, that's just for visitors from Sunset Shimmer's world. Because the portal to that world has a translation spell on it."
"Oh? How many of these portals to other worlds do you have?"
"Just the two so far," Spike said. Then he shrugged. "That we know of. Plus the portals Discord makes from his own realm of chaos."
"O... kay," Jake said, taking that in.
"So, when exactly were you thinking of?" Sandy said, reaching for her phone to check her calendar.
"Oh, how about right now, my dears?" Rarity asked. Her horn flared, and the lights went out again. And this time the flashlight, when it switched on, was illuminating Rarity's face.
"Are you prepared... to enter the world... of Equestria?"
In the dim light, Jake exchanged a glance with Sandy. Then he picked up a D20 from the table and rolled it.
"Ha! Natural 20. Let's go for it."
"I'm in!" Sandy agreed.
"Discord..." Spike said, glaring at him.
The draconequus shrugged. "Oh, come on. It was the perfect way to finish the story, wasn't it?"
The End
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and indicia are the property of Hasbro.
No infringement is intended. This story is a work of fan fiction, written by fans for fans of the series.
