Mother, I'm Sorry

by femikol

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4314

A funeral is held every year for Celestia’s dearly departed daughter.

Every year, a funeral is held for Celestia’s dearly departed daughter, Aurora. Every year Aurora grapples with the consequences of facing her mother and the public eye once again.

Rated T for themes of death - albeit lightly touched on. Constructive criticism is always encouraged.

Published 2021-09-07 12:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-09-07 12:20:00 UTC

Mother, I'm Sorry

Aurora always hated funerals.

They always marked the passing of somepony important to others. A pony who made a difference - who changed lives - was now buried six feet under. Doomed to never again laugh or cry with their friends, exchange stories or share memories.

She had caused plenty of those funerals herself.

But she hated her funeral most of all. Or rather, she hated herself for allowing it to happen year after year. Year after year she would stand in the sidelines as a nameless palanquin carting an empty coffin was paraded through Canterlot, with ponies bowing their heads in respect that she didn’t deserve. In a silence she didn’t earn.

“Mommy, what’s going on?”

To her right, a small filly on her father’s shoulders was flipping her head every which way, drinking up the presumably odd sight of an entire city lined up against the road.

This must be the first year she could speak.

“We’re paying our respects to a very important pony, Twilight.” Her mother said. “A very brave and noble pony.”

Brave. Aurora shook her head. There’s nothing brave about me.

“I… see…” The young filly - Twilight - said. “Could… could you let me down, Daddy?”

Her father obliged, gently setting her down onto the side of the road.

The palanquin was passing them by now.

Aurora closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this, not anymore. Turning her back on the parade, her mother, and everypony else, she made her way out of the city. Nopony would notice a pegasus leaving a parade on hoof, and nobody would care either. Darting down walkway after walkway, she finally came to a small clearing just out of Canterlot. There wasn’t much to it outside of a small pond, but there was no one around to see her. Here she could let her tears fall freely. As discreetly as possible, she removed her metamorphosis charm on herself, changing her form back into that of an alicorn. Heading over to the water, she peered down at her reflection. Her rainbow mane was flowing in a breeze only it could feel, much like her mother’s.

And my aunt’s before… that.

Aurora sighed. She missed her aunt. With every fiber of her being, she missed her. She was always ready to play with Aurora whenever she wanted. She would always come and greet Aurora when day became night and read her her second bedtime story.

She was the first one to hug her after she ascended, too.

And how did I repay her? By standing by doing nothing as she got sent to the moon...

“Um… excuse me?”

Aurora whipped her head around, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Stupid! She was too caught up in her own pity party she hadn’t even noticed her new visitor.

The visitor was a small lavender filly with a dark purple mane, save for a streak of pink running down one side. Twilight, Aurora remembered. Glancing around she found no sign of her parents. Most concerning at the very least.

“Hello, young one.” She answered. “What brings you to this clearing?”

“W-well… I thought I saw you leave the parade. You looked sad, and…” Twilight gasped as she drew closer. “Oh my gosh! You’re an alicorn!” The filly immediately began bowing in front of her.

A wave of sadness washed over Aurora. “Raise your head, child.” she said. “Believe me, I do not deserve your respect.”

The little unicorn did as instructed, a look of confusion on her face. “What do you mean? Aren’t all alicorns princesses?”

Aurora smiled. “Yes, they are. But believe me, I deserve no such moniker.”

“O...okay then, Miss Alicorn.” Twilight complied, still understandably confused.

“Now, what is your name, young one?”

“Oh! I’m Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight said. All semblance of confusion gone from her voice. The simple childish happiness of Twilight’s demeanor breathed life back into Aurora’s soul.

“A pleasure to meet you, Twilight Sparkle.” She said. “But why aren’t you with your parents? I’m sure they’re worried sick about you.”

The smile on Twilight’s face faded, replaced by a look of sadness. “Well, I saw you at the parade, I… I think.” Aurora nodded. “You looked a little different though. But you looked sad. You looked sad and… I don’t want you to be sad.”

A tear slipped down Aurora’s cheek. A true heart of gold this one. Though how much Twilight could help her was up for debate. Her problems were far too complex for the little filly.

Though perhaps this would be a good learning experience for Twilight… as long as she kept it light.

“Well, I appreciate that, Twilight.” Aurora said. “I suppose I could share my troubles, if you’re so inclined.”

“Uh-huh!” Twilight marched over to her. “I wanna help, please!”

Aurora chuckled. “Very well.” She lay down by the pond. “Then listen carefully, Twilight.”

“Uh-huh?”

“A long, long time ago, I had to venture far away from Equestria on some very important business.”

“What kind of business?”

Aurora paused. There was no way she could explain to Twilight what war was without seriously disturbing her. No. Best saved for another time.

“I’m afraid I can't tell you that, Twilight. It’s not something you’d be comfortable hearing about. I promise.” Twilight looked rather dejected, but nodded. Aurora gave her a smile before continuing. “Anyways, during that business is when I became an Alicorn. I was… very good at my job.”

“Miss Alicorn? You’re crying.”

Aurora lifted a hoof up to her face. Sure enough, tears were sliding down her cheeks. Just breathe, Aurora. Breathe. “This job was not something I was proud of, Twilight. And when I became a princess who specialized in it… other ponies were rather fearful of it, and of me.”

“W-what was your job, Miss Alicorn?” Twilight herself looked slightly fearful. Whether it was of Aurora herself, or of what her ‘job’ was, Aurora couldn’t know. Regardless, looking at this filly’s face made her heart sink.

“It’s best you don’t know, Twilight. I’m sorry for keeping so much from you, but this is something best left for you to learn about when you're older. I promise everything will make sense then.”

“Okay…”

Aurora ruffled her mane. “Thank you for understanding, Twilight. Anyways, this job of mine was something I was sent out for over and over again, until one day things went terribly wrong.”

= = = = = = = = = =

“Everyone! Leave!

“But Princess! We can’t let you sacrifice yourself for us! You’re Equestria’s shield and sword!”

“I’ll be fine! The enemy was a lot stronger than anticipated, but I can take them out if it’s just me! I don’t want to worry about killing any of you! So GO!!!”

“...”

“As you wish, Princess…”

= = = = = = = = = =

“What happened?” Twilight’s question snapped Aurora back to the present. “Did everything turn out okay?”

“Yes.” Aurora said after some hesitation. “Everything was fine.”

= = = = = = = = = =

The sound of a body hitting the ground marked the last of Aurora’s slain adversaries. Gripping her spear for support, Aurora looked across the battlefield. Thousands upon thousands of bodies lay scattered, all by her own doing.

“Had I not ordered my men to leave, we most assuredly would have lost…” Aurora mumbled to herself.

She tried taking a step forward, but her legs were far too weak to do much else except stand. Unceremoniously, Aurora stumbled to the ground, not even making an effort to stand up.

Broken, battered, but very much alive, Aurora passed into the realm of unconsciousness.

= = = = = = = = = =

“When I returned to Canterlot, I discovered that ponies seemed to be more at ease without my presence. They seemed to believe that with me gone, things would be better.”

And so far they’re right. There hadn’t been a war since Aurora never returned to her mother.

Twilight’s eyes were filled with tears. “That’s… that’s awful! You’re such a nice pony! How could anyone be happy that you were gone?!”

Aurora smiled sadly down at Twilight. “I’m flattered you think so highly of me, Twilight. But understand that my job was what made ponies so uneasy of me. When I saw how happy they were now that I was gone, I hid myself from the world.”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin, seemingly lost in thought.

She does quite a lot of thinking for someone so young…

“What about your parents?”

Aurora lifted an eyebrow. “What about them, Twilight?”

“Do your parents know that you’re hiding?” Twilight asked.

Aurora closed her eyes. No… no, her mother did not. But is this what she wanted to tell Twilight?

“No, Twilight. No they don’t.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. Her hooves flew to her mouth as she let out a gasp.

“That’s… that’s awful…” She squeaked out. Her eyes began to water once more. “Why would you do that to them…?”

Aurora sighed. Truthfully, she was afraid. When she got back to Canterlot and saw how happy ponies were without an Alicorn of war she immediately hid herself from the world. By the time she realized how badly this would affect her mother, years had passed. Now she didn’t return because she didn’t want to damage her relationship with her mother.

But I’ve done plenty of that already.

“I… had my reasons, young Twilight.” Aurora said. “But now it’s too late to fix-”

“No!” Twilight bolted up to her hooves and took a few steps back. She was glaring down at Aurora and puffing her cheeks out. “You need to go find your mommy right now and apologize!”

“I can’t do that, Twilight.” Aurora lazily rose from her lying position. “If I do that, ponies will become weary again. I don’t want to put all of Equestria on edge for my own personal happiness.”

“It wouldn’t be just your happiness!” Twilight barked. “If I went missing, my mommy would be terrified! She loves me more than anything else in the whole world! I’m sure she’d want you back more than she wants Equestria to be happy! And besides, I met you and I’m not scared.”

Aurora held back a chuckle. The irony of the ‘missing’ statement was apparently lost on Twilight, but perhaps - no - certainly Twilight had a point. While her mother would be disappointed, and possibly angry that Aurora had hidden from her for nearly a millennium, she would be happy to see her again.

“Twilight!!” A faint voice cried out. “Twilight!!”

Twilight let out a gasp. “Oh my gosh! Shining! I never told anyone where I went! Everyone’s probably worried!”

A pang of guilt washed over Aurora. Indeed.

“I’m sorry I kept you here, Twilight.” She said with a smile. “Go back to your family.”

“Okay!” Twilight said, and began heading out of the clearing. Before she fully left she skidded to a halt and turned to look back at Aurora. “Uh… will I see you again, Miss Alicorn?”

The look in Twilight’s eyes was a combination of optimism, fear, and hope. Perhaps she had actually enjoyed her time here.

Aurora frowned. As much as she’d like to spend some more time with this filly, they lead two very different lives.

“Probably not, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight visibly deflated at those words. A lump started to form in Aurora’s throat. No, I can’t just rob her of hope like that.

“Hey… look at me, Twilight.” The filly obliged.

“I said ‘probably’, not ‘certainly’.” Aurora couldn’t suppress the smile that came to her as she watched Twilight instantly brighten up. “You’ve given me much to think about, young Twilight. As thanks, let me teach you something; nothing in this world is impossible. Time and time again I’ve watched ponies insist something isn’t possible, only to be proven wrong in the future. So just because we part ways here doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for us to see eachother again. Never let anyone tell you that, and especially don’t tell yourself that.”

“Okay, Miss Alicorn!” Twilight said.

Aurora chuckled. “And should we meet again, I can’t wait to see what kind of pony you grow up to be.”

“Twilight!!” The voice was getting closer now.

“Uh-oh. I gotta go.” Twilight said. She began bolting up the pathway back to Canterlot. “Goodbye, Miss Alicorn!”

“Goodbye, Twilight.” Aurora said. “Against the odds, may we meet again.”

After she watched Twilight vanish up the pathway Aurora’s eyes fell on her reflection once again. That Twilight had certainly given her a lot to think about. While admittedly childish her perspective may have been, and with how limited Aurora was with the details, there was some truth to Twilight’s words.

Aurora sighed. It was wrong to hide from her mother. She couldn’t deny that. But she just… couldn’t show herself. She casted an illusory spell, once again hiding her alicorn attributes and donning the guise of a pegasus.

I can’t think about this… not right now.

Spreading her wings, Aurora launched herself into the sky. From above she could see all of Canterlot. She could see the ponies breaking up as the funeral was over. She could see Twilight Sparkle reuniting with her family…

She could see her mom at the royal palace, looking miserable.

She wanted to fly down to her mom right now and hug her. There was nothing more she wanted to do.

But hiding was so much a natural part of her life now that she couldn’t.

A tear fell from her eye. “I’m sorry, Mom.” Aurora turned around and bolted off in the direction of Cloudsdale. She had a lot of thinking to do.

Mother, I'm Home

Rainbow Dash always hated funerals.

Funerals were probably the only thing that could ever get her to cry. A funeral meant that a pony was locked away from the rest of the world. Never again could they try new things. Never again could they reach for the stars.

This funeral hurt more than most.

She always attended this funeral. Every year without hesitation, she was there. She would join the other ponies in gathering next to Canterlot’s roads, and watch as the nameless palanquin carting an empty coffin was hauled from one side of the city to the other, with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. Every year she would watch alone, wondering how many ponies noticed the never-aging mare who attended the funeral every year. Probably not a single one.

But this year was different.

“There’s the palanquin…” Twilight mumbled.

Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all turned to look at the palanquin. It had just rounded a bend, exposing itself to Rainbow and her friends. For such a small thing it certainly had a huge presence. A presence felt only by her.

Rainbow watched the palanquin gradually move closer. With each step closer more and more ponies bowed their heads in respect to the deceased princess. With each step Rainbow felt her guilt grow more and more.

I can do this… I can do this… Come on, Aurora. You can do this.

Now came their turn to bow. Rainbow began, but her legs were stuck. She tried again, but still, no response. Rainbow would not - could not bow to her own lie.

The pressure coming from the palanquin was immense. It squeezed at Rainbow’s very soul. Tears began to leak out of her eyes, and her lungs felt like they were glued shut.

She had to leave, now.

Rainbow quickly withdrew from the sidelines, scampering back down walkway after walkway. A path all too familiar to her. It wasn’t long before she came to a familiar clearing, empty, save for a pond.

It’s always the same, every year.

Rainbow shook her head. No, it wasn’t the same. This time she abandoned her friends as well as everypony else that mattered. But at least she had friends this time around, so maybe there was progress. Rainbow glared down at her reflection.

Weren’t friends supposed to make difficult things easier?

“Rainbow?”

She almost expected to see a filly standing where her friend was when she lifted her head.

“Hey, Twilight.”

Twilight, a deep look of concern on her face walked over to Rainbow and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Is something wrong?”

Rainbow sighed. She wanted to say no. Really, she did. She wanted to say no and take off back to Ponyville. But she couldn’t lie. Not to her friend.

“Yeah.”

Twilight’s look of concern grew. “Is this bringing up painful memories? If you want I can teleport us back to Ponyville -.”

“Thanks, Twi. But no thanks.” Rainbow turned her attention back to the lake. “I suppose it is bringing up stuff though.”

‘Stuff’... that’s one way to put it.

“Oh… did you want to…?”

Rainbow shook her head.

“Alright.”

Wordlessly, Rainbow lied down in front of the pond, her eyes never leaving her reflection. Twilight lied down to match her.

Rainbow looked over her friend. It was impossible to suppress the smile on her face when she realized how far Twilight had come. From unicorn filly to alicorn princess, she was almost entirely unrecognizable, but her pure-hearted nature hadn’t budged an inch.

“I met somepony here once.” Twilight said, breaking the silence.

“Really?”

Twilight nodded. “It’s funny. When I saw you slip away from the parade and found you here, it was like I was experiencing it all over again.”

Rainbow ignored the lump forming in her throat. “Oh yeah?” She knew where this was heading.

Twilight gave Rainbow a smile. “Uh-huh. She was by this pond, just like you. She had her own problems too.”

“What was she like?”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “She… was an alicorn.” Twilight must’ve been expecting a snort from Rainbow, because she gave her a concerned look after her silence. “She was trying to figure out if she should return to her mother or stay hiding to keep the public happy.” Twilight gave a small chuckle. “She never told me what she was the alicorn of, so I looked it up. Imagine my surprise to figure out she was the alicorn of war, and Princess Celestia’s daughter on top of it.”

Rainbow glanced back at the water. “So what’d you say?”

Her demeanor must be seriously worrying Twilight. With no energy left for quips or teasing, she must be acting like a completely different pony.

“Well, I told her that she should go back to her mom. Her mother’s love is more important than ponies being wrong.”

“Do you still think that?”

“Of course!” Twilight said. A fire ignited in her eyes. “Now more than ever! With enemies like Tirek and Discord a few times, having another alicorn would make ponies happier as opposed to scared!”

Rainbow stared wide-eyed at her friend. I never thought of it that way...

“Also, I can only imagine how Luna is feeling.” Twilight said, visibly deflating. Her eyes began to glisten with tears. “Coming back after a thousand years… only to learn that her niece is gone. I can’t imagine how hard today is for her. I just wish that Princess Aurora had listened to me years ago.” Twilight shook her head. “But I was a filly at the time, so I guess it makes sense.”

Rainbow closed her eyes and looked away. There was no way she would be able to hold back her tears of guilt. Not with everything Twilight had said. Rainbow had caused all of this grief, acting like a foal because of a poorly thought through idea that she convinced herself was right, and punished not only herself, but others who cared about her, over what she thought she deserved for making such a stupid decision.

No, she couldn’t hide any longer. Twilight was making that perfectly clear.

Rainbow got up and walked to the edge of the clearing. She could feel Twilight’s eyes boring into her as she drunk in possibly the deeping breath she’d ever taken, before slowly exhaling. Now was the time for truth.

“You’ve grown into a fine young mare, Twilight.”

There. She’d started. She couldn’t stop now, even if she tried. She turned around to look at her friend, who understandably looked confused.

“What are you talking about, Rainb-?” Twilight’s eyes widened. “Rainbow?” She finished.

Rainbow closed her eyes. Undoubtedly, Twilight had just considered the truth. This was all too familiar to her after all. All Rainbow had to do was provide confirmation.

“You’ve never wavered from your ideals. Even all those years ago, when we met here for the first time you still held the same beliefs you do now.” Rainbow opened her eyes again, releasing a tear, but she never took her eyes off Twilight. “And now you’re an alicorn. I’m grateful that we got to meet again.”

Twilight opened her mouth, and slowly shut it again. Wordlessly, she got up and made her way over to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow suppressed a shiver as she gazed into Twilight’s hardened eyes. Once Twilight got close enough, she wrapped a hoof around Rainbow, and pulled her into a hug.

“You’re… not mad?” Rainbow braved.

“I’m a lot of things at the minute, Rainbow.” Twilight said. Rainbow could hear the coldness in her voice. “But none of those are what you need right now.”

Rainbow sighed. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s mad. She could guess at a few of Twilight’s emotions. Betrayed, angry, hurt… probably a few more too. But, her kindness is more than I deserve. It wasn’t long after that she began to cry.

Rainbow wasn’t sure how long she and Twilight had spent at the clearing, but over time she felt Twilight’s stiff, robotic hug slowly relax into a more genuine one. Eventually Rainbow felt her other hoof wrap around her as she continued to release years worth of guilt into the ether, and as the weight on her soul lifted, over time her sobs began to die down into whimpers. From whimpers to sniffles, and from sniffles to nothing. Eventually, Twilight let go of her, and Rainbow gave her friend a smile.

“Thanks, Twi.” Rainbow found her smile too heavy to keep up. “Twi, I’m so, so sorry I-” Twilight’s hoof shot up to cut Rainbow off.

“I know.” She said. “But if you want to prove that to me, there’s something you need to do.”

Rainbow took a deep breath. “What is it?”

“I want you to go to Princess Celestia and Luna right now, and come out of hiding.” Twilight’s look softened. “You know it’s for the best, Rainbow, and I’m disappointed that you haven’t already.”

Disappointment was an understatement and they both knew it. Nevertheless, Rainbow nodded.

“I will, Twi.”

Twilight gave Rainbow a smile. “Good. The girls and I will meet you on the train.”

Rainbow nodded as she took off. Soaring off to Canterlot’s castle, despite the turmoil of emotions dwelling within her, Rainbow couldn’t help but smile.

She’d taken the first step. She could only go up from here.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Princess Celestia considered the empty throne room to be both a blessing and a curse. On the positive side she didn’t have to deal with ponies spouting their woes to her today, which made for a nice respite from her daily headaches.

On the negative side, there was nopony around to distract her from her thoughts.

“‘Tis a lonely atmosphere, sister.” Well, almost nopony. “I’m surprised you are holding up so well.”

Celestia let out a heavy sigh. “Believe me, Luna. I’m not holding up as well as you’d think.”

Truthfully, she was more concerned about her sister. This was Luna’s first funeral for her niece. To say Luna was distraught when she learned of Aurora’s passing was an understatement. Luna hadn’t come out of her room - even to raise the moon - for weeks, until Celestia had to drag her out by force.

In some ways, Luna was closer with Aurora than she ever was.

“How are you holding up, Lulu?”

Luna tensed. “I am fine.” She said. “I always worried that this day would come, given her talent.” She failed to suppress a tear. “I just wish that it never arrived.”

“Pardon me, your Majesties.” A guard said, marching into the room. “You have a visitor.”

“Please let them know that we are not receiving visitors today.” Celestia said half-heartedly. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let them in, If not for a little distraction.

“Your Majesties… it’s the Element of Loyalty.”

“Rainbow Dash?” Luna asked. She glanced at Celestia, who nodded back. “Send her in.”

The guard nodded. Moments later, the throne room doors opened to reveal Rainbow Dash, sporting a nervous look on her face.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash.” Celestia said. Her voice was robotic. She couldn’t muster any emotion. Not today. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

To her surprise, Rainbow looked on the verge of tears. She gritted her teeth and looked away from the two alicorns.

“... I’m sorry, Mom.”

If Luna shot her a confused look, Celestia didn’t see it as her eyes were fixed on Rainbow Dash. Her body began to shine brightly, obscuring her features entirely. When the light dimmed, Celestia couldn’t stop her hooves flying to her mouth as she and Luna let out a gasp each, and Celestia whispered the following name.

“Aurora?”

Author's Note

Alrighty, first crack at a fic in eons to be honest. Haven’t written a fic on this site in years but it was fun. A nice little warm-up for writing in the future. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.