Starlight Glimmer Tries a Dating App PART III: Revenge of the Dating App 3D - Starring Glim Glam as Starlight Glimmer

by LuluRainbow

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Tragedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1636

The totally epic trilogy concludes(?) full circle: after countless attempts to use a dating app, Starlight Glimmer decides that to succeed...she must become the dating app.

Starlight Glimmer.

A once happy mare has been driven insane; the internet protests, her multiple failed attempts at dating apps, and so much more.

She's seen every profile on every dating app, messaged every profile, blocked every troll, clicked every scam link, downloaded every single piece of malware on her phone...and there's only one solution left.

Instead of continuing to try dating apps...

She must become the dating app.

Published 2021-09-08 03:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-09-08 03:10:00 UTC

Starlight's Totally Good Idea

Starlight Glimmer sat on her floor, laughing.

She was delirious from her lack of sleep; in fact...she couldn't remember the last time she had slept. The sun and moon had risen and set a few times, that much was for sure...but she had lost track of actual time many days ago.

None of that mattered anymore, however, because she was working hard on her greatest achievement; and it was almost complete.

For so long she had toiled endlessly, failing at dating app after dating app. She had seen everything there was to see. Everypony's profile, everypony's bios, every scam, every phishing link...she had accidentally downloaded every piece of malware, gotten angry and thrown her phone at every wall in her room, and done everything she believed possible with every single dating app.

She had done everything and seen it all, which had brought a new kind of madness.

Yet, in this madness, she found sanity. She found something that had not yet been provided for her: an opportunity. In her madness, she found the solution.

Her mind was now a beacon of knowledge, despite her failures she know knew every single detail of every single dating app...and from this her greatest idea sprung up.

No longer would she try the dating apps...

...she would become a dating app.

She would find freedom from her troubles, and would finally find peace in her actions.

She would use the flaws of the other dating apps to succeed where they failed, so nopony would ever have to go through the months of pain that she went through. So that nopony would every lose their sanity to madness, so that nopony would ever become like her.

A broken shell of a pony.

Starlight knew she had snapped, and that her sanity was gone forever. She knew why she had snapped, and she knew that...in a way...her loss of sanity was her fault.

Early on, Twilight had warned of Starlight's growing addiction to the dating apps.

"Starlight, as your friend...I'm really worried about you. The internet riots outside ended weeks ago! You can go outside now," she had once suggested.

Starlight, deep down, knew she should of listened to her friend and mentor.

It was too late to turn back now, though. She was so close to the solution. She had studied spell after spell, and finally had a lead that could lead to the creation of what she wanted.

She would become a walking and talking machine that would also serve as a dating app. She would probably lose her consciousness, and her ability as a normal functional pony of society.

Yet, that didn't matter. She could leave a goodbye note to her friends, and say sorry for what she was going to do. Besides, she'd always be there with them...if they ever needed a date, that was.

"F-finally!" Starlight exclaimed, as she mixed the perfect spell together into a magical potion. The explosion was massive, tearing a good chunk of her room apart.

That didn't matter, though. She wouldn't need it anymore once she became a dating app. She broke out into another laughing fit, at the irony of everything.

She was becoming what, in a way, was her worst enemy.

And then the knock at her door came.

"Starlight! Starlight! Are you in there? Me and Twilight...we heard a big explosion...and you've not been out of there in days and now all of a sudden an explosion - and we...are you okay in there!?" a panicked Spike screamed from outside of Starlight's room, furiously trying to open the locked door.

"Spike, everything is fine. I am almost finished with my greatest invention yet, Spike! Do you wanna hear about it?" Starlight asked, in the voice of a mare who obviously hadn't slept in days.

"No, Starlight, not right now. Right now me and Twilight want you to come out - please! We're really worried about you. Twilight tried to warn you...that this would happen. You became too dependent on that phone of yours! You need help, Starlight, this is an addiction!" Spike scolded.

"An addiction? No, Spike, this is far from an addiction. This is perfection. I no longer have any need of those silly dating apps you're talking about. I gave up on them, Spike, and do you know why?" Starlight asked, sounding more deranged every single word.

"Starlight, please, stop this! Twilight, we need Plan B! Twilight!" Spike yelled out in a pleading tone.

"Because, Spike, I saw a better option. If I can't be happy, and find use on those dating apps, I can make sure other ponies are happy. The way I'm doing this is simple, Spike, I am going to reprogram myself!" Starlight squealed excitedly, yet still creepily.

"Reprogram yourself...? Twilight, hurry up!" Spike screamed out, louder than before.

"Spike, don't you see? I'm going to become a dating app," Starlight responded, in a monotone voice.

"No, you're not," responded Twilight from beyond the door.

"Twilight, please just go. Don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm doing this for the greater good of everypony, don't you see that?" Starlight questioned, sounding a bit more like her usual self.

"Starlight, the only thing I see is my friend. My friend who got too addicted to technology and finally snapped. Dating apps aren't everything Starlight, and by becoming one you're not going to magically help everypony. You need help, Starlight, and we need to help you. Please, let us help you," Twilight pleaded.

"Twilight, you will never understand. I have learned things, Twilight, beyond what any mortal pony can ever learn. Something somewhere inside of that code...it spoke to me. My reality broke down right in front of me, Twilight. I've seen every dating profile. I've seen everything there is to see. If I turn back now, and forget all of this, I risk losing the greatest invention that ponykind will ever see. I know everything, Twilight, just from that little screen. Everypony's hobbies, interests, sexualities, names, and more. That's why it spoke to me. I know everything, and I must use this knowledge. Twilight, just go! Let me do this!" Starlight demanded.

As she finished her speech, Twilight knocked down the door with magic. She was shocked at the state of not only her friend, but the room in general. Most of the room was gone from the major explosion, with the rest somehow already covered in dust and other debris. Starlight sat in the middle, with her potion with in front of her.

"Starlight, I'll never let you do this to yourself. I'll banish you away to another realm for a short while if that's what it takes to save you," Twilight threatened.

"So, you want to fight me?" Starlight questioned.

"No...I want to help you, Starlight. But if I have to fight you to save you...I guess I'll do it," Twilight responded, despair in her voice.

Just then, Starlight launched a burning bolt of magic at Twilight; lightly burning Twilight's wing and causing her to fall down.

"St-Starlight...why? We were friends, Starlight! In a few ways, we were almost like sisters!"

"Spare me your emotional movie references, Twilight. You...you know why I did this, even if I didn't want to. I know I've lost my sanity. Only an insane pony would turn herself into a dating app, and insane is what I have become. You're still my friend, Twilight, even once I become Glim Glam," Starlight choked out, lightly sobbing as she turned away from Twilight.

"Glim...Glam?" Twilight asked, as she sneakily began to rise back up.

"The name of me...the dating app me. Creative, right?" Starlight asked.

Twilight gave no response as she climbed on top of a nearby table.

"...right?" Starlight asked once again, turning around.

"It's over Starlight, I have the high ground!" Twilight yelled out.

"Is that some kind of pick-up line? It's not like it's an actual threat, I still have the potion after all!" Starlight mocked.

"Spike! The potion!" Twilight screamed to Spike, who had been standing in the door way this whole time. ~~Totally not texting Rarity.~~

It was too late.

Starlight opened the lid off the potion and began to start taking a drink.

Twilight then started to blast Starlight with a spell, one that would slowly banish her temporarily to a realm of safety.

It...was too late. The magic potion was already working to make her into a walking and talking dating app.

"Starlight! No...no...nooooooooooo!!!!!" Spike and Twilight cried out in unison.

"Ha...ha...looks like we both lost, Twi," Starlight weakly laughed.

"Starlight! I'll fix this! Somehow, sometime!" Twilight promised to her friend, who was slowly becoming a dating app and entering another realm.

"I...hope...maybe.....you....can, but....first....I....have.....one...last....mess....age.....for....you," Starlight weakly responded.

"Yes?" Twilight asked, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Never.....gon...na.......give....yo...u......u......p," Starlight weakly sang out.

Initiating Glim_Glam.exe
Hello! Welcome to Glim Glam Dating App! The first ever walking and talking dating app!
Hello?
No users detected.
T-Twilight? Are you there? I'm-I'm still here, a little bit. The potion is mostly working thou-
Error: Consciousness detected.
Terminating current instance, sorry for the issues.
Rebooting...
Initiating Glim_Glam.exe
Loading profile: Twilight Sparkle.

NAME: Twilight Sparkle
GENDER: Female
AGE: 23
TALENTS: Magic, Friendship
DESCRIPTION: I'm Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship! I wouldn't mind having a romantic interest. I'm very friendly!

Would you like to swipe up or swipe down?
Wait, no users detected.
Shutting down for now...
N-no! Wh-why am I sh-shutting down? Why did I decide to do this? TWILIGHT!?'
Thank you for using Glim Glam Dating App!

Author's Note

This is probably the weirdest entry yet, and I'm proud of it for that. I never expected to make this silly one-off story into a weird connected trilogy thing, with possibly more entries in the future.