Sombravania
Happily Nope
Load Full StoryShining Armour, a white unicorn with a long blue mane dressed in steel plate armour, slammed into the stone wall of the throne room. He dropped down, bracing against the pink and red tiled floors, and stared back at his immortal foe in open defiance.
Sombra, vampire lord of darkness, strode towards him confidently with a smirk on his face. He regarded Shining with cold dark red eyes framed by a black mane that billowed about him like smoke. His dark grey coat contrasted against the blood red cape that flowed behind him.
They were both in the castle throne room of the town of Chalcedony. Pink bricks stacked high with a vaulted ceiling. Tattered pink banners with a blue crystal heart in the center hung from the ceiling in droves.
Broken sconces emitted cherry red light bating the chamber in a dim sinister glow. The throne lay in broken clusters of light blue crystal on top of a raised circular platform in the centre of the room.
Several deep cuts gouged the surface of Shining’s body from Sombra’s relentless assault. In contrast, Sombra looked no worse for wear.
He was in a tight spot. Nothing he hadn’t been able to handle before.
“How quaint, young warrior, that you should think yourself capable of defeating me,” Sombra said.
“I don’t think I can defeat you, I know I can defeat you!” Shining shouted back.
Sombra sneered. “Confident as ever I see. Pity that I have to kill you as your egoism is rather attractive.”
“I hardly think my ego can even compare to a tacky vampire.” Shining laughed. “Where did you even get that cape from? Your ancestors from a thousand years ago? That just screams overcompensating.”
“It is cashmere and you will respect the regality of the cape,” Sombra snapped.
“I will happily show it the respect it deserves as I make love to my partner with it laid over your ashes.”
Sombra snarled as his horn began to glow with a dark red flame. “You barbaric cretin. I will blast you into cinders where you stand.”
“I’d like to see you try since this ‘barbaric cretin’ has managed to distract you long enough to give my partner time to get ready to axe you.”
Sombra snorted. “A foalish ploy that has no meaning and is hardly good enough to distract me.” He took a step forward. “Get ready to-”
He was interrupted mid speech by the abrupt entrance of the blunt end of a lyre to his face. Sombra was sent flying back skidding across the floor and slamming hard against the throne platform with a surprised grunt.
An orange pegasus with a swept back blue mane and matching chinstrap beard strode towards Shining. He slung his lightning bolt shaped five string lyre over his back and brought Shining in close to him.
They kissed. Deeply.
As they parted, the pegasus, Flash Sentry, frowned. “Do you have to antagonize the monster every time, mon amour?”
Shining shot his beloved a cocksure grin. “It’s fine, Love. The banter is just par for the course for heroes like us. Besides, you’re here. I never have to worry with you by my side.”
“Except for dismemberment,” Flash deadpanned. “Being burned alive, cursed with some nasty disease, or disfigured beyond recognition.”
“Even disfigured, I know I would still have you by my side.” Shining smiled warmly.
Flash looked downcast. “Of course, Shining. That goes without saying, but I’d prefer you at least try to take better care of yourself.”
Shining gave Flash a quick peck on the cheek. “Of course, Love. Though, speaking of taking better care of me…?”
“Oh, right! On it, Shining.”
Flash cleared his throat and sang a few idle bars of a folk song they had both heard some several nights prior. The harmonious notes spilled from his mouth and formed wispy chords of bright, glowing yellow bars of music notes.
The notes gathered around Shining’s injuries and caused them to fade into nothing more than light pink scars. Once healed, the chords tightened around Shining’s body sinking under his fur. This caused his muscles to bulge and pop underneath his fur.
Once complete, Shining’s eyes glowed brightly in the dim lighting of the room and wisps of magenta magic smoked off of his horn.
“Thanks, Flash. I always feel better when you tend to me.”
Flash’s face flushed. “Anything for you, Shining.”
Another tender peck on the side of Flash’s face. “What ever did I do to deserve you?”
“Save me from a life of hardship, but if you don’t think that’s not enough, you can always return the favour later.”
Shining’s grin turned lecherous as he leaned in closer to Flash. “Gladly, Love. you know I could never say no to those flanks.”
Before Flash could reply, a red arcane bolt of magic streaked between them and blasted the nearby wall. They both turned to face the furious form of Sombra standing who had a look of disgust on his face.
“Are you two seriously flirting in the middle of a life or death battle?” He stomped the floor underneath him, cracking it. “I am genuinely offended that you see fit to make out instead of focusing on me.”
“Jealous much, my Lord can’t-get-none?” Shining retorted.
Sombra rolled his eyes. “I can get my dick wet anytime I please, you damned barbarian. Out of curiosity, are you not some sort of paladin? Isn’t chastity a thing amongst your type?”
Shining smirked. “I’m a holy warrior indeed, but the only hole-”
“I already see where that statement is going and I’m having none of it.” Sombra’s horn became engulfed in red flames. “Time to die, charlatans.”
The flames streaked from Sombra’s horn and towards the stallions. A quick cast of magic from Shining brought forth a shield of arcane magic that caused the gouts of flame to harmlessly peeter out against it.
A bolt of lightning zig zagged out from behind the shield and zipped toward Sombra. As it got close to its target, the bolt grew larger and transformed into Flash who swung his lyre back in an arc.
Sombra clicked his tongue. “Oh, wonderful. A master of bardic nonsense and your tribe’s traditional annoyances.” He phased through the swing as it cut through him. “I suppose, I should deal with you first.”
A flash of light caught the corner of Sombra’s eye before he cried out in pain. He teleported several steps away and turned to face Shining who stood wielding a longsword of pure arcane energy in his magic.
“Over my dead body,” Shining growled.
“That can still be arranged.” Sombra winced as he touched the deep gouge along the side of his neck. Dark blood dripped from the wound to the floor. “If I may be so bold to guess, do you call your sword ‘Shining Blade’? It’s just so lame, I couldn’t help but think you would call it that.”
Shining’s face turned bright red. Flash took another swing at Sombra who sidestepped the blow.
Flash jumped next to Shining. “Focus, mon amour. Keep your eyes on the vampire.”
Shining shook his head and brandished his sword. “You’re right, Flash. Time to get this monster slain.”
Sombra quirked an eyebrow. “Purely based on the potential to further embarrass you, does the barbaric idiot call his dick that too?”
“What? No I-”
“He does,” Flash answered confidently. “He takes me every night while calling out the name of his glorious blade.”
“Flash, why?” Shining whined.
Sombra, for his part, released gales of unbridled laughter.
Flash tilted his head to one side as he pulled the strings from his lyre with his wings and let them fall in a bundle on the floor around him. “Why not? I think it's super hot.”
“Yeah, but don’t tell that to our mortal enemies!” Shining whined as he formed a spiked bulwark shield of magic next to him.
“As amusing as this is, neither of you will need to worry much longer as you both will be dead and I’ll be free from this absurdity.” Magic crackled along Sombra’s horn. “Shall we waltz, gentlecolts?”
Flash disappeared in a burst of lightning as he zagged around to flank Sombra from behind. Shining charged forward with a loud guttural roar.
Keeping an eye on the dancing bolt of electricity, Sombra caused a black spike to rupture the floor and impede Shining’s forward march.
Undeterred, Shining smashed through the spike with his shield punctuated by a second roar.
“How utterly barbaric. I would expect more grace from a paladin,” Sombra commented.
He charged up his horn and released a dark maelstrom at Shining. Despite his forward momentum, Shining felt himself being pushed back as he struggled to grip the floor with his hooves.
With the first moron dealt with, Sombra conjured an arcane shield to intercept Flash’s swing. Arcs of electricity coursed across the surface of the shield as Flash’s weapon impacted with its surface.
“I will not be caught off guard again, you insolent horn dog.”
Flash wound back his lyre. “How do you know Shining’s pet name for me?”
Sombra removed the previous shield and summoned another just in time to take the second impact. “Why am I not even surprised? What exactly is your relationship to each other?”
He threw a bolt of arcane thunder at the annoyance who sidestepped, readying a third swing.
“Wholesome,” Flash replied, and aimed for Sombra’s hooves. Sombra floated lightly over it.
Sombra floated lightly over it with a smirk on his face. “Good effort.”
He then released a burst of concussive force that sent Flash flying backwards.
“But subpar at best,” Sombra finished.
He then phased through Shining’s sword as it sliced through his barrel.
“Is swinging around your tools all either of you can do?” Sombra stunned Shining with a slap from his forehoof. “Because honestly, this is becoming tiresome.”
“Nope.” Shining grinned. “Sometimes we like to spice things up. Flash now!”
Flash, who had just gotten back on his hooves, pulled the lyre strings from before with both of his wings, causing them to come up from around Sombra and bind him in place.
“What? How did-” Sombra’s eyes widened. “When you were using your weapon earlier.”
“Yep, and I did an electrifying job.”
Sombra snarled. “Oh, that pun is-”
Sparks jutted off of Flash as electricity raced from him through the strings and to Sombra, making him scream as the lightning shocked him in place.
Taking advantage of the opportunity, Shining pulled his sword back and thrust it through Sombra’s heart.
“Only way to kill a vampire is with a sword through the heart. Hope you enjoy your sexless dead life again.”
Sombra glared at Shining. “You are just the absolute bucking worst.”
With his final words spoken, Sombra dissolved into wisps of shadow that dissipated, leaving only his cape to gently float to the ground.
Flash wound up his strings into loose loops in his wing as he trotted back to his lover. “And another one bites the dust.” He giggled. “That’s how that one goes right?”
“That it does, Love. Now come here.” Shining used his magic to pull Flash closer to him. “I have a threat to Sombra to make good on.”
They both kissed as they revelled in their victory.
Flash released a weary sigh.
Standing in the drab steel plate armour of the Chalcedony Guard with his lyre over his back and morose expression on his face, he scratched idly at his beard.
It was, of course, pouring rain. It was the kind of downpour that chilled a pony to the very bone and seeped them in misery. This was not helped by the late hour and the lantern post he had been denied at the supply depot.
Behind him were the Chalcedony Royal Crypts, his current guard post after his enforced enrollment into the Guard. A remote far off location in an unused portion of the palace that nopony ever visited.
He had been relegated to this position shortly after the latest marriage of Princess Cadance, the newly freed princess of Chalcedony.
Her marriage to Shining Armour.
Flash’s ex-coltfriend.
He convinced himself that the sniffle was due to an oncoming cold and the water pouring under his eyes was from the rain.
Just the rain.
He stared at the bright pink palace that laid some gallops away, bright and presumably better heated than the far out cemetery he found himself in.
In an effort to make a bad situation bearable, he began singing a ballad he was fond of.
As always, the sung notes and bars spilled forth from his mouth and twirled around his head emitting soft yellow light. His magic warmed him ever so slightly within the cold evening and brought a soft smile to his lips.
It warms my very soul to hear you sing and know that I alone am your only audience.
They had been staying at an inn in some sleepy town Flash could barely remember the name of a mere three nights before their confrontation with Sombra when Shining had told him that. He had held Flash close to him by the roaring hearth and asked him to sing them both to sleep.
He had never felt so loved and safe before.
Now, it was just another bitter memory.
“Anything to report, Private Sentry?”
Flash let his singing taper off causing the glowing notes around him to disappear.
A glance in the direction of the voice revealed a yellow faceted crystal pony dressed in the same steel plate armour as himself. The pink stripes on his front plates indicated his rank as captain.
Flash saluted. “No, Captain. All quiet tonight.”
“And you’ve been staying at your post?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. Keep doing it.” The guard trotted off.
“Before you leave, Captain, I do have a small request.”
The guard glared at Flash over his shoulder. Flash felt himself wither under his gaze.
“I-I didn’t get issued a lantern from the supply depot when I asked for one earlier. I don’t suppose-”
The guard shoved his muzzle in front of Flash’s face. “Are you asking me for a special favour, Private?” he spit the last word from his mouth.
“N-no, Sir. I-” Flash floundered.
“Because it sounds like you are. Is that how you work, Private? Just keep asking for favours?” the guard hissed.
“Not at all! I just-”
“Because the Princess knows what kind of pony you are. A leech.”
Flash’s eyes widened. “What?”
The guard jabbed Flash with a hoof. “Your kind just begs and begs and begs until you bleed everypony around you dry, but I’ve already been warned about you. You might have the Prince Consort Shining wrapped around your hooves, but you won’t manage the same with the Guard.”
“I don’t understand, Sir.”
The guard snorted. “Of course, you don't. Your type never learns. Just watch your step, Flash. The second the Prince Consort gets wise to your lies, you’ll be thrown out along with the rest of the trash.”
With a shove that caused Flash to fall back onto his rump, the guard trotted off.
Once the guard was out of sight, Flash stood back up. Though distraught over how pitiful his reputation apparently was, at least he now knew why his compatriots despised him.
Even if he couldn’t understand why Princess Cadance had said those things about him.
Bang.
Flash’s ears perked.
Bang.
He whipped his head around and stared across the dark expanse of the cemetery. The sound had come from somewhere nearby, but between the rain and nightfall, it was becoming difficult to see his surroundings.
A quick ballad created a cluster of bright magical notes around him and caused the crystal monuments and gravestones around him to become illuminated in stark relief.
Bang. Bang.
Continuing his ballad, he turned towards the crypt from whence the sound had come from. It was a mausoleum with an onyx grate overshadowed by a grinning skeletal pony on the roof.
He trotted nervously towards it and allowed his voice to descend to a low hum, so as to hopefully not alert whatever was causing the noise.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Flash jumped back. His body shook. The noises had definitely come from inside the mausoleum.
A rapid fire string of thoughts brought him to the conclusion that he would have to go in alone. If he contacted the guard, they would both not help him — that had been made clear to him by his earlier encounter with the captain — and he would be reprimanded for abandoning his post.
He needed to keep this job, since he was stranded in Chalcedony and had no other options.
Before he could ready to enter, an eerie screech burst forth from inside causing him to be paralyzed in fear. There was definitely some type of monster inside and he would probably have to fight it.
He’d never fought alone before.
Shining had introduced him to the hero's life. Shining had always had his back. Shining had always protected him.
Shining wasn’t there.
Shining was never going to be there again.
Flash felt his lips quiver, overcome once more by the same despondent feelings that had been plaguing him for the last month.
Who was he trying to fool?
He was crying. He was terrified. He missed his coltfriend.
It was devastating.
All that talk of complete devotion, and he abandons him for the first pretty pink alicorn princess that crosses his path.
Well, if Shining wasn’t going to be there for Flash, Flash would just have to be there for himself.
He put on a brave face and pulled open the gate with a loud creak.
The interior of the mausoleum was difficult to see due to the weak glow of his magic, but he could make out two candlestick holders on either side of the entrance, crystal carvings of some unknown subject on the walls, and the end of what was probably a coffin.
Flash took several tentative steps inside with his lyre held in his wings. He inspected the room with his head swivelling back and forth, ready for whatever manner of creature appeared.
The gate slammed shut behind him.
Panic gripped his heart as he spun around to see the candlesticks burst into bright red flame. The light illuminated the crystal carvings revealing scenes of dismembered ponies and sexual debauchery.
A clicking noise drew his attention back to the coffin. The lid, carved to resemble a skeleton, slowly slid open.
Roiling black shadows spilled from the resultant crack.
Flash shook in fear as the mists coalesced together into the form of a shadowy unicorn stallion with a black mane that obscured the ceiling, pointed teeth, and a glowing red horn.
The apparition regarded him with open disdain.
Flash’s eyes widened in recognition.
“No, it can’t be,” he whispered. “We killed you.”
The monster hovered before Flash, a devilish smirk upon his lips.
“Oh, how positively delightful,” Sombra said. “The pegasus with the fine set of flanks has come to visit my deceasement.”
