Equestria Girls: Journey to the Mind of Timmy Turner

by redandready45

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Equestria Girls
Length: 10869

With the help of Sunset and the Princess of the Night, Timmy Turner must confront his worst fears to save those he cares about.

Despite triumphing over his most recent foes, Timmy feels no joy from his victory, still hurt from the betrayal and cruelty he endured at the hands of the Dazzlings, a trauma so severe he is plagued by horrible nightmares and outright sleepwishing that are endangering those around him.

Fearing not only her charge but the damage he could inflict, Sunset and his godparents decide to bring him to Equestria, with Sunset willing to reunite with her estranged mentor to get Timmy the help he needs.

Unfortunately for him, sinister forces with a grudge against Timmy learn of his trauma and seek to exploit it for their wicked ends. When backed into a corner, Timmy faces two choices: face his fears or lose those he cares about.

Shoutout to DragonRex1 for the cover art. Feel free to add tropes of this story to the TV Tropes page.

I own nothing from either Nickeledon or Hasbro. All rights reserved.

Published 2023-12-25 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-26 12:31:56 UTC

Prison Break

In the depths of Abacatraz, several cells hung open: one was full of taco wrappers, another was full of gym equipment, another was full of combs with clumps of orange hair, and the last one was full of old monocles. Emergency sirens repeatedly blared "PRISONER ESCAPE" throughout the magical prison.

In the courtyard outside of Abacatraz, Jorgen von Strangle stood before his forces, all of them silently and respectfully awaiting his command. His body was as stern and rigid as a mountain. Corona, Jorgen's diminutive assistant, looked at his superior expectantly. "Sir-"

"Not yet." Jorgen's voice was so firm that Corona was immediately cowed into silence, making it clear his orders were not to be disobeyed. "Not yet," he repeated in a sterner and louder tone, making sure his soldiers didn't also deviate from their routine. Any insubordination or break from the preprogrammed strategy would mean an appointment with Jorgen's unforgiving fist. They could not be too early or late, or the operation would be ruined. This had to be done with exact timing to guarantee success.

Corona looked at his pocket watch as the hands slowly approached five o'clock. Nervous sweat ran down Corona's nervous face as the clock approached the deadline, with every second feeling like an eternity.

4:59, 57 seconds, 4:59 58 seconds, 4:59 59 seconds. Corona gulped as the clock struck 5. "NOW!" Corona yelled. Jorgen immediately strode across the courtyard, wand in hand, his expression firm and brave.

He approached a solitary baking oven just as the timer went off. He walked up to the appliance and pulled out a chocolate cake.

"YES! YES!" Jorgen said triumphantly, "My mission, to bake my family's favorite sachatorte, has succeeded." He happily sniffed the aroma of the Austrian pastry. "You need to let it out at the right time, or else the layers won't be fluffy enough, or they'll be too fluffy!" He glared at his forces. "UNDERSTOOD!"

"Yes, sir," the fairy forces said in unison. "Not too fluffy!"

"You fairies can learn to make sachatorte and other tasty dishes from my new cookbook, the Joy of Cooking...AND PAIN!" Jorgen held up his cookbook. The cover illustration was a smiling Jorgen, chef's hat on his head, tossing screaming fairies into the mixing bowl.

"Uh sir," Corona offered sheepishly, "us fairies can wish up a cake. You don't have to bake a whole cake from scratch-"

"I LIKE TO BAKE CAKE!" Jorgen bellowed angrily to Corona, immediately silencing him. He turned back to glare at his forces. "You all like to bake a cake," his eyes narrowed threateningly at his troops. "Don't you?!"

"Yes, sir!" His forces said with a mixture of deference and fear.

Corona let out an annoyed sigh, but his attention was drawn back to the prisoner escape alarm blaring. "OK, sir, now that you've baked your cake, can we please stop those prisoners from escaping?" The fairy assistant pleaded in a frantic tone.

"OK, OK, jeez," Jorgen said, sounding like a kid who didn't want to do his chores. "No need to be pushy, Corona." He looked to his forces with a commanding expression. "SCRAMBLE THE FAIRIES!" Jorgen's fairy forces flew into the sky, sailing through the airspace of Abacatraz, looking for the threat above.

"OK, sir," Corona continued. "Now that we've scrambled the fairies, what do you want us to do?"

A brief look of confusion formed on the face of the Keeper of the Rules. "Uh, I don't know. I never thought I'd get this far."

Corona barely resisted the urge to facepalm. "Then why did you-"

"I LIKE TO SCRAMBLE THE FAIRIES!" Jorgen said before talking up his massive wand and striding toward the prison complex.

Three sirens turned human, and two anti-fairies stood on the roof of Abacatraz and looked at the fairy forces flying toward them with malicious gazes. Adagio and Anti-Cosmo turned and looked at the escape rocket on the opposite side of the roof they procured with pride, then turned toward one another and smirked.

"They think they can stop us," Anti-Cosmo contemptuously told the eldest siren.

"They can't think their way out of a paper bag," Adagio muttered. The two snickered. "I can't think of a bigger bunch of buffoons-"

"Taco time!" the head anti-fairy and the two older sirens looked annoyed as the youngest siren ignored the battle to munch on a taco.

"Sonata," Adagio said warningly, "what's rule #1?"

"Shutting up," Sonata said obliviously.

"And rule #2?" Adagio said, warning, holding out her hand.

"No eating during evil plans," Sonata said sadly before handing the taco to her stern eldest sister with a sad sigh.

"Sweetie," Anti-Wanda said sympathetically to the youngest siren, "y'all can't eat tacos like that."

"Thank you, my dear," Anti-Cosmo said with relief that his ditzy wife was taking things seriously for once.

"Y'all gots to eats them like this!" Anti-Wanda chirped excitedly, wishing up a taco and eating it with her feet. "They tastes so much better with yer feets!" The anti-fairy drawled.

"Let me try," Sonata said happily, using her feet to eat the tacos. The youngest siren's sister gave a happy cheer as she fed herself using her lower extremities. "They do taste so much better," the youngest siren exclaimed to an equally cheerful Anti-Wanda. Aria let out a shudder of disgust at her younger sister and Anti-Wanda eating with their feet while Adagio and Anti-Cosmo facepalmed, wondering what they both had done in their past lives to deserve being stuck with their younger sister and wife, respectively.

Adagio turned away from the two idiots and looked into the sky as their enemy approached. "EVERYBODY!" Adagio bellowed. "Get into position." The five escapees looked daringly at the approaching army. "Remember, we can't use the rocket until they're all knocked out of the sky!"

"Time to take out the trash," Aria said with a smirk and a tone of voice that reeked of daring and adventure. She wandered over to the edge of the roof.

And took a trash bag and tossed it into a conveniently located dumpster.

"Thank you for taking out the trash, Aria," Sonata said with honest gratitude. "It was really stinky!"

"Now, let's beat up those idiots." Adagio grunted.

A battalion consisting of five dozen fairies flew up to the team of escapees, about to engage in a plan so daring that no one could ever imagine it. "BEGIN PLAN 1, NOW!" Jorgen bellowed from the ground. With that, a fairy battalion flew up to their quarry. The five prisoners watched with bated breath as the battalion raised their wands and POOF!

With a wave of their wands, the battalion's leader was clad in a nice sweater, fashionable jeans, and an unassuming haircut with blond hair. He pulled out a cue card and read it. "Can you please....not escape and return to your cells?" He asked in a polite yet bashful voice.

"No," Adagio replied flatly.

The blond-haired fairy flew back to Jorgen. "She said no," he said in a disappointed tone.

Jorgen was incredulous. "What?!" The toughest fairy in the universe facepalmed in annoyance before letting out an annoyed sigh. "OK, try Plan B." The blond fairy flew back to the escaping prisoners. "Pretty please don't escape and try to take over the world again?"

"No," Anti-Cosmo said flatly. The blond fairy flew back to Jorgen with a tired sigh, lamenting that his politeness failed.

"They won't surrender, and I even said pretty please," he complained. "It's not fair."

Jorgen rolled his eyes and held up his wand. "I guess it's time to try our backup plan." He pulled out a folder, put on glasses, and began reading. "Time to start Operation: Blast the Enemy Until They Fall Unconscious Or Die-" he paused as he turned the page,"-Which Ever One Comes First!"

The fairy soldiers took the sky with a battle cry, ready to blast the escaping criminals. The anti-fairies and sirens watched this with confident smirks. "OK, get into position!" Adagio bellowed. The five escapees wandered over the various parts of the roof. One fairy lieutenant and his privates flew toward Adagio with merciless expressions. As their wands lit up, Adagio began taunting them.

"Hey, midgets!" The eldest siren mocked. "Are you challenging me to a battle?!"

"Yes!" Said the commander barked, his wand preparing to fire.

Adagio's smirk became even more pronounced."A...competition, of sorts?"

"Yeah, why-" the commander paused when he realized he and his soldier's wands flickered out of existence. The commander realized he had been tricked into breaking the no-competition rule, leaving him momentarily powerless. The commander became more fearful as Anti-Cosmo flew up to him with a cold smirk.

"You pathetic fairies have so much power but so many rules," the monocle-wearing anti-fairy mocked scornfully. "Unfortunately for you...I don't have rules!" The fairy exclaimed with a sinister expression. Before the fairy commander could react, anti-Cosmo's dark magic blasted him and his forces away.

Aria was running around the roof, dodging fairy magic blasts and taunting the soldiers blasting her. "C'mon, my grandma can hit better than you!" Blast. "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of the boat!" Blast. "A blind man would have better aim!" Blast. Aria took a deep breath as she prepared for her most cutting and harsh taunt.

"You didn't deserve all your recommendations for military school and should've been kept in the reserves."

Angered by all these taunts, the commander blasted Aria without concern for aim or coordination. Smirking, Aria lept out of the way of the blasts, which knocked over a collection of salt shakers that stood behind the pigtailed siren. Anti-Wanda smirked as she felt the delicious power of bad luck empower her. The commander's eyes widened in horror as he realized he had been played. His fear grew as he saw Anti-Wanda and Aria giving him vicious smiles.

"It's like a trip to the spa!" Anti-Wanda chirped before glaring at the other commander with an evil grin and raising her wand.

"Wait-," the commander pleaded, only to be crushed by a bad luck-created anvil. Aria finished the fairy soldiers with a special bazooka to fire butterfly nets, leaving them powerless.

Sonata seemed frightened and shaking as another battalion of fairies approached her. The commander was gruff and unsympathetic as he approached the seemingly helpless siren. "Any last words?" He muttered as his wand lit up.

"Yes," Sonata said. "Do you like...tacos?"

The commander and his forces were confused by this stupid question. "Yes," he replied with confusion and annoyance.

"The Bacon and Cheese Breakfast Burrito from Burrito Barn." After hearing about the tasty human dish, the commander and his forces salivated.

"Yes, actually," the commander said, his stern expression giving way to one of hunger. "I really would like one."

"Would you...wish for one?"

"Yes-," the commander and his forces said at once, only to realize their magic had been deactivated. The shocked fairies looked at the youngest siren's clueless expression, which became one of vicious calculation.

"It's 10:32," the siren said, pointing to her wristwatch before pulling out a giant butterfly net and trapping the fairies with a cackle.

The sirens and anti-fairies gradually wore down the fairy soldiers by either tricking them into breaking their own rules or deceiving them into causing bad luck to empower the anti-fairies. Within a few moments, the fairy forces had all been defeated, with only the Dazzlings, Anti-Cosmo, and Anti-Wanda still standing.

Adagio smiled with pride over their victory. "Well, that takes care of that-" paused as she felt the building nearly shaking apart.

"FEE FI FO FUM!" Jorgen bellowed as he began scaling the prison walls, the building shaking so hard debris began falling off as he got closer and closer to the roof. "I SMELL CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"Prepare the biological weapon!" Adagio commanded. The anti-fairies and the three sirens put on gas masks as they brought out a canister with a biohazard label. With trepidation, they opened the canister and revealed the weapon inside.

It was a Burrito Barn Mega Taco that was as big as an oven. Sonata and Anti-Wanda broke it in half and devoured it. Within a few moments, a massive rumbling came from their stomachs.

"Here it comes!" Sonata and Anti-Wanda squealed in unison while clutching her bellies.

"BE YOU ALIVE OR BE YOU DEAD, " The Toughest Fairy In the Universe yelled as he reached the roof. "I'LL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREA-" A sound like two broken trumpets echoed, followed by a cloud of deadly yellow gas! "AHH!" Jorgen wailed as the toxic fumes choked. "My lungs. My eyes! This gas is so horrible!" Jorgen dropped his massive wand as he fell on his hands and knees, coughing and retching from the poisonous fumes. With the fumes cleared, Jorgen saw his escapees had run away to rocket. He picked up his wand and charged with a determined expression until he noticed a shadow surrounding him.

He looked up, and to his horror, he saw a massive butterfly net hurdling toward him. He tried to move out of the way, only for the deadly implement to land on top of him anyway. "LET ME OUT!" Jorgen bellowed, but to his frustration, he couldn't use magic to get out or tear the net apart with his massive strength. Jorgen let out an impotent growl.

The escaped criminals barrelled into the rocket. Adagio and Anti-Cosmo entered the cockpit, and the former tried to activate the blast-off, only for the scanner to reveal a problem. "TOO MUCH WEIGHT," the rocket's control panel said. Adagio banged her fist and growled. "Adagio dear," Anti-Cosmo said encouragingly, "there is no need to let your emotions consume you." Anti-Cosmo's soothing tone helped Adagio calm down slightly, but her frustration was still evident in her tone. "There is a solution to every problem. All we have to do is jettison some useless weight."

"Honey-bun," Anti-Wanda chirped, holding a box of pastries in her feet, "y'all ever tried eaten' donuts with yer feets." The eldest siren and head of the anti-fairies looked at each other before turning to Anti-Wanda with a smirk.

"Anti-Wanda dear," Anti-Cosmo smirked. "Would you please surrender yourself to the authorities for us?"

"Sure," Anti-Wanda said casually, leaping out of the rocket. With that, Adagio activated the booster rockets successfully, and within a few moments, the rocket blasted off from the prison, with the Sirens and Anti-Cosmo cheering euphorically.

"We got away!" Aria cheered. "And nothing of value was lost!"

"What about Anti-Wanda?" Sonata asked with some concern.

"Nothing of value was lost," Aria repeated.

"OK!" Sonata said, shrugging her shoulders.

As soon as Anti-Wanda left the rocket, it took off without her. She took a napkin and waved it, wishing her husband and the girls goodbye. "Bye, honey-bun!" Anti-Wanda chirped lovingly. Just as she was about to devour her donuts, she noticed a massive shadow over her body. She turned and saw Jorgen had escaped the butterfly net, an unforgiving glare on his face. "Hey, Jor-Jor," Anti-Wanda cheered, offering her a donut. "Want a-?" Anti-Wanda paused as Jorgen's unforgiving boot crushed her.

Felix T. Nebula squirmed in his chair as Jorgen gave him a calm yet stern gaze. After the escape, Jorgen had organized an inquiry of the prison staff to determine how the Dazzlings and the Anti-Fairies could organize an escape. "So you encountered the Dazzlings on the loading dock?" the massive fairy asked calmly.

Felix T. Nebula squirmed as he recalled those suspicious movers on the loading dock.

"So let's see," Felix chirped happily as he glanced at the shipping order on his clipboard. The two dockworkers he was communicating with were an unusual pair. If not for the brown mustaches on their faces, he would've mistaken them for human girls, one with purple pigtails and the other with a blue ponytail. "A pack of black cats, several salt shakers, a massive fully stocked escape rocket, butterfly nets, a massive butterfly net launcher, and one massive butterfly net-" he paused, looking down at his clipboard for a second, "-did you say elephant-sized?"

"No," said the man with purple pigtails, "Jorgen-sized."

"Oh yeah, Jor-Gen" said Felix, elongating the syllables, "J-O-R-G-E-N, my mistake." He began writing the details down. He put down the clipboard. "I'm sorry, what was the name of your company again?"

"Uh," the ponytailed man said nervously, "Local... out-of-town moving company?" She timidly handed over her business card while the pigtail mover rolled her eyes.

It read "Local Out Of Town Moving Company." It looks like it was written in crayon and on an old newspaper.

"Alright, everything seems in order," Felix said, but just before he flew off, a nagging thought caused him to turn back to the movers he had spoken with. "Say, are you two organizing a prison escape?" Felix asked the blue-haired man.

"Yes, we are!" The ponytailed man said.

"Wait, what?"

"I said we're trying to break out of prison!" The man with the pigtails yelled. "What don't you get about that?!"

"OK, just checking! Sorry," Felix said reassuringly to the movers before flying back into the loading dock.

Jorgen just gave the forlorn fairy a blank stare. "What?" Felix replied defensively, "I thought their honesty was something to admire. Jorgen stared blankly at the loading dock fairy before a reassuring smile appeared on the toughest fairy's face.

"See Felix," Jorgen said warmly, patting Felix on the face, "I'm not angry." Felix looked to his boss with a hopeful expression before Jorgen lovingly crushed him with his fist.

"I'm not angry," Jorgen repeated as he happily bashed Felix's face against the wall. The toughest fairy proceeded to tear Felix's arms off tenderly. The toughest fairy in the universe magnanimously slammed Felix's body into the ground with nothing but warmth and care on his face. He kindly and gregariously broke Felix's spine in two.

"I'm not angry."

"Good show, dearies!" Anti-Cosmo said magnanimously. There was honest praise in his voice, which the sirens happily accepted. "We managed to escape without any great turbulence."

Suddenly, a massive amount of turbulence struck their escape rocket, causing the door to be violently wrenched open. The sudden shift in air pressure caused a gust of wind that sucked everything out of the rocket that wasn't nailed down. While the sirens could hold on for dear life, the more diminutive anti-Cosmo was painfully bounced around the rocket and nearly pulled out, much to the horror of the sirens turned humans.

"Adagio!" Anti Cosmo pleaded fearfully as he hung from the edge of the entrance. "Please help me." The escaped criminal wished he could use his wings to fly or teleport away, but he didn't even have enough power to flap his wings, having used up most of it in the escape attempt. Adagio carefully approached the imperiled anti-fairy and extended one of her hands.

Only to retract it and slam one of her boots onto Anti-Cosmo's hand, much to his horror. "Adagio! What are-, " looked up and found nothing but cruelty in Adagio's eyes. "Long live the queen," Adagio said in a cold tone that dripped with megalomania.

"You-YOU TREASONOUS LITTLE-!" Anti-Cosmo snarled in a rage, only to let out a wail of pain as the boot ground further into Anti-Cosmo's hand.

"Nothing personal, Anti-Cosmo," Adagio said in a cold, neutral tone. She then let out a cruel laugh. "You are a good and faithful servant...but only I may live forever."

"Adagio," Anti-Cosmo whimpered, hurt by her apparent betrayal and the fact that she only saw him as a tool for power. The anti-fairy watched with horror as Adagio raised her other boot, ready to finish him off while sneering at him.

Only to suddenly lift the first boot off his hand and pull him safely into the rocket before pulling an emergency lever that closed the door, finally stabilizing the cabin pressure. Anti-Cosmo looked up and saw Adagio giving him a teasing smile.

"Gotcha!"

Adagio started laughing at him mockingly like she'd seen a hilarious comedy. "You should've seen your face!" Her two younger sisters are also laughing so hard at Anti-Cosmo's expense. "You actually thought I was gonna betray you and seize ultimate power?!" Adagio paused before continuing to laugh uncontrollably.

Anti-Cosmo's confusion gave way to annoyance. "You...you...you...little scamp!" He started joining along with the laughter mirthfully. "You had me going there!" When the laughter ended, Anti-Cosmo jubilantly flew into the mess hall of the rocket, offering to cook a decent meal for his charges to assure them there were no hard feelings over Adagio's jest.

"I thought you were gonna do it, Adagio," Aria commented when anti-Cosmo left the cabin, impressed with her older sister's acting ability.

"Yeah, that would've been really funny," Sonata chirped.

"I'd be an idiot to try that for real," Adagio said with a roll of her eyes.

Having been a siren, Adagio was guilty of many things: lying, stealing, brainwashing others for power, and removing the "do not remove tag" from the mattress when no one was looking. It was all a small price to pay so she could achieve the greater good: power for herself and her sisters, which was the ultimate good of life itself.

But she would never backstab someone she considered a valuable ally. Not only was it wrong to betray someone who worked for you, but if you did it too many times, it meant no one wanted to work with you. Adagio understood that while she was a being of beauty and potential, she couldn't achieve power alone. That was why, aside from sisterly love, she didn't cast out Aria and Sonata despite being exasperated by their constant fights and idiocy. You had to work with others and treat them generously to maintain power. King Sombra was the prime example of this, having enslaved and brutalized not only his subjects but his allies to the point that nopony came to his aid when the pony princesses tore down his authoritarian rule.

The servant looked at her King Sombra, hoping she would grant him the tiniest amount of pity for her mistake. But alas, her hopes were misplaced. "You, servant, served my dinner three minutes late. Executed!"

A soldier burst in with a wide smile. "Yes, I won the toy in the cereal boy." King Sombra sneered at his soldier. As king, only he was entitled to such things as cereal box prizes. There was only one option.

"Executed!"

The Royal Sisters arrived on the balcony of King Sombra's palace. To their amazement, King Sombra had been waiting there with no sign of fear on his face.

"We hold the power of the celestial bodies, and yet you choose to face us alone?" Princess Luna uttered in a seemingly conversational tone that barely masked her contempt and desire to vanquish this horrible pest.

"Either you are arrogant or just stupid." Princess Celestia commented in a similar pretense of calm.

"I am not arrogant!" King Sombra replied. "I have both the power of the shadow," he paused with a smirk, "and the power of my mighty army!" The wicked king said dramatically. The pony princesses looked expectantly, only for nopony or any other creature to show. A look of profound embarrassment crossed the king's face before his arrogant demeanor returned. "I said, 'the power of my mighty army.' "

"Uh, sir." A weedy-looking unicorn pony with glasses and a clipboard showed up. "You had the army executed last week for laziness."

Sombra let out an annoyed snarl. "Very well," the dark king said with restrained patience. "Bring me the conscripts."

"Executed for five seconds late," the aid said as if reading from a grocery list. Sombra looked at his lowly assistant with barely contained rage.

"What about the servants?"

"Executed."

"Cooks?"

"Executed."

"Lawyers?" Sombra squealed with angry desperation.

"Already dead inside."

Sombra looked aghast. "Why didn't the executioner tell me this? It's his fault." Sombra knew there was only one solution. "My lowly servant-"

"Uh y-y-y-y-y-you had him executed last week for bothering you while reading." The aid uttered with enormous embarrassment on his face.

Sombra looked at this aid angrily. "What didn't you tell me this!"

The aid was shaking. "Because you executed the last person who bothered you."

"That is no excuse!" King Sombra said maliciously. "Aid, you are to be executed!"

"But you executed your executioner!" The wimpy unicorn protested.

"Execute yourself!" King Sombra ordered impatiently as if it was the most apparent solution in the world. The aid looked at King Sombra incredulously before letting out a tired and resigned "OK" and wandering off to do the deed. King Sombra rolled his eyes as the pathetic worm wandered off. It was hard to find good help under normal circumstances, but being too lazy to execute yourself proved how entitled ponies were nowadays. But once he crushed those two worms, he would take over Equestria and whip the pathetic ponies into shape.

"I don't need an army to fight-" King Sombra barely finished the sentence before he was bonked on the mallet held by the Lunar Princess. The dazed King let out a crazed cackle before falling to the ground, the two lunar princesses acting as if all they had done was stomp a tiny ant.

She almost considered Turner to be an ally after seeing his potential and was generous enough to offer him to share the spoils rather than treat him like any other human scum. But the ungrateful little brat decided to be greedy, daring to keep all the power for himself and leaving her with nothing. She nearly saw that stupid nerd Moondancer as one, seeing her sheer hatred for Sunset Shimmer and the Rainbooms, but the little weakling got cold feet and backstabbed her before she could finish that pathetic unicorn. She'd offer those two the world, and they threw it in her face. It was a slight that Adagio was determined to punish once she regained power. She would make those human brats suffer for their defiance and betrayal. To be a proper ruler, she had to make an example of what happened to the disobedient, and those two losers were perfect targets for her wrath.

Her past experiences with the buck-toothed brat and the four-eyes made her wary of Anti-Cosmo, thinking he would be another flip-flop. But after a few days, Anti-Cosmo proved to her that he was genuine in his desire to regain power, as long as she helped him in his goals. Adagio also genuinely liked Anti-Cosmo: he was quite the charmer and the gentleman. He also shared his belief that power and authority should only be reserved for the worthy.

But then the memory of that stupid bucktoothed brat emerged in her brain again. Aria noticed the growl on her older sister's face. "What's gotten into you?" Aria asked.

"Turner," said the name filling Adagio with even more anger than any human scum ever could make her feel. "We offered the brat power, and he threw it in our faces." A slight pause ensued. "We did steal it from him, but we were nice enough to return some of it. He will pay for getting in the way of our greatness."

A teasing smirk formed on the middle Dazzling's mouth. "Aww, what's the matter?" Aria asked her older sister in an ironic tone. "Upset your ex-boyfriend didn't give you a smooch?" Aria expected her sister to react acerbically. Instead, Adagio gave Aria a cold glare. "What?" Aria asked defensively.

"Aria Ariel Blaze," Sonata said to Aria scoldingly. "What is wrong with you?!" Aria was stunned seeing her dumb sibling genuinely admonish her.

"Wh-"

"Do you want people to think I'm dating ten-year-olds?!" Adagio asked angrily.

"But-"

"Young lady!" Aria turned to see Anti-Cosmo returning from the galley with a tray of food and a stern look on his face. "I slave over a hot wand to prepare you girls for your chance as future despots! And I find you indulging in blue humor unbecoming of a lady of your station?!"

"I-"

"You may be an evil despot who intends to destroy your enemies, but I will not stand for crass behavior! Report to your quarters immediately. And no supper!" Anti-Cosmo said in a fatherly tone.

Aria's expression became defensive over some midget ordering her around. "You're not the boss of me-" Aria's protests stopped as Anti-Cosmo yanked her by her ear. "OK, OK, I'm going!" Aria yelled as Anti-Cosmo led her back to her quarters by her ear.

Adagio and Sonata both smirked, seeing someone put Aria in her place.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Sonata laughed, only to remember she still had food in her mouth and began choking.

"And you, Sonata," Anti-Cosmo said softly but admonishingly. "Your table manners are less that of a princess and more of a disgusting boar!"

"Hey!" Sonata protested. "I am not a disgusting boar-," only to start sniffing and snorting like a boar. She looked on the floor and saw a taco on the ground. "Dirty, moldy taco that's been stepped on!" Sonata savored with drool coming out of her mouth. "You are mine!" She dove toward the floor, only for anti-Cosmo to yank her by her shirt back to the table and force her back into her seat.

"Either you eat like a civilized young lady, or you go right to your quarters with nothing to eat at all," Anti-Cosmo warned while presenting her with some utensils.

Sonata took the knife and fork with an annoyed huff. "Fine!" Sonata whined before eating her meal more calmly.

Adagio watched this with no small amount of joy on her face. Anti-Cosmo was intelligent and charming, and he was teaching her two younger sisters manners. Anti-Cosmo was truly one-in-a-million; with his help, Adagio knew nothing would stop her plans.

"So how are we gonna keep Jarhead from comin' after us?" Adagio asked, her joy replaced with a more severe expression. She may have hated the musclebound oaf, but he did have a lot of magic.

Anti-Cosmo smirked. "Don't worry, Adagio," the anti-fairy assured her with a savage grin. "I have something to distract that pathetic boob!"

Binky was whimsically flying down Fairy World's main street, his arms full of shopping bags. "Nothing could ruin this perfect day," the little fairy chirped.

Only a massive blast to suddenly blow him backward. When he rubbed the light out of his eyes and looked up, he found Jorgen looming over him with a menacing expression. "There you are, 'Binky'. Or should I say...anti-Cosmo!" Jorgen yelled, his massive wand lighting up as he prepared to attack.

Binky was confused until he realized a sign that read, "I am Anti-Cosmo disguised as Binky," had been placed with string over his neck."Jorgen, wait," Binky yelled out in terror, taking the sign off his neck and throwing it away. "It's me, Binky!"

Jorgen's burning rage gave way to something colder. "Breaking out of prison is one thing...but impersonating sweet, innocent Binky crosses the line!" Jorgen's face was so angry that veins were visible on her forehead. Jorgen chased after Binky. Fairy World echoed with the sound of blasting and Binky's pathetic shrieks.

Current Events

Author's Note

In case you all ask...

Only the Rainbooms are privy to the knowledge that Timmy's magic comes from fairy godparents. Most of Canterlot High only know Cosmo and Wanda as Timmy's talking fish, and believe his magic comes from a stone.

This comes from my interpretation of Da Rules and the loopholes that appear in the "no telling rule" that godchildren have to follow.

From what I've seen, the no telling rule does not apply to:

Beings with magic.

Humans who are either magical or have learned of magic independently.

People who learn of Cosmo and Wanda's existence, but who aren't aware of their true magical nature.

Sunset and the Rainbooms can know about magic because they have it: Sunset is a magical unicorn and the Rainbooms have magic powers.

Canterlot High, having encountered magic independently, can theoretically be aware of Cosmo and Wanda's existence without any issue. But Timmy and Rainbooms, for safety reasons, are keeping them in the dark.

Current Events

"Do you want to see a new generation of heroes rise and defeat new evils?" The voice said from the television.

"Yes!" The Rainbooms collectively shouted with excitement. The Rainbooms sat on a couch in the commons room of Canterlot High, eagerly watching the television to see the trailer for the upcoming Crimson Chin TV show.

"Do you want to see the Crimson Chin pass the torch to Cleft the Boy Chin Wonder?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to see new Crimson Chin adventures that contain the most popular elements of the old stories while still retaining a degree of originality?"

"Yes!"

"WELL TOO BAD!"

The Rainbooms looked at the TV with dismay. "What?" Rarity asked uneasily.

"Do you want to see Cleft become a mentor to a new young hero while struggling with his flaws, with Crimson Chin popping up from time to time to offer the now-adult Cleft advice as a gift to the fanbase?"

"Uh...yeah?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

"Sorry," the TV announcer said insincerely, "cause instead, we're gonna give you a Crimson Chin show that doesn't feature Crimson Chin?"

"Not even a small, well-received cameo that would reward fans for their dedication?" Rainbow asked.

"Not a chance," the TV mocked. "Also, Cleft will appear in only one episode..."

"You've got to be kidding me?" Rainbow said unhappily.

"Nope," The television boomed, "in fact, we are renaming him Cliff, and we're making him into an Eskimo while only letting him say a few words, pandering to racial diversity without any effort, ironically objectifying stigmatized groups while only offering the illusion of inclusivity."

"Then who is the show going to be about?" Applejack asked with a mixture of anger and confusion.

"We're making it about Cleft, I'm sorry, Cliff's cousin Zoe!" The announcer boomed.

"Will she be a well-rounded female character with flaws she must overcome to defeat her enemies?" Rarity asked with fading hope.

"Of course not!" The TV announcer said with excessive glee. "We're going to make her perfect in every single way while claiming her life is hard and miserable, cheapening female empowerment and ironically dehumanizing the women we claim to be representing by holding them to a ridiculously high standard."

"You guys can't defeat me!" The Zoe character proclaims to a group of bad guys.

"Why is that?" One of the bad guys asked.

"Because I'm a girl!" The Zoe character chirped. "That makes me better than guys. Because that's what gender equality means nowadays."

"OK," the bad guy character said with resignation. "We'll have to give up and go home."

Rainbow watched the screen. "Can this possibly get worse?"

"It can!" The TV narrator said with enthusiasm. "Because instead of a cool action show that explores societal problems, we're gonna make this into a kid com set in high school, with first-world problem stories that are barely disguised product placement!"

"Oh no!" The Zoe character said, tears running down her eyes. "I lost my Crimson Chin stockings, which retailed for 9.99 at Barnyard Bargains. Even though there are people with no food and water, it is my life is ruined forever!"

"Don't worry!" A father character said. "We'll get you a new pair! Now for only $8.95!"

"Thank you, Daddy. You're a lifesaver!" The Zoe character said. "I would've died...from a lack of bargains. But that's not a problem at Barnyard Bargains!"

"No, no...," Pinkie Pie said with horror in her voice.

"Oh yes!" The announcer. "Instead of featuring mature humor balanced with a touch of humanity and empathy, we're gonna make every character an obnoxious jerk in a failed attempt at being edgy with shoehorned political opinions that are inappropriate in a kids' show."

"Despite having tons of friends and everything I want, my life is completely terrible, and I'm stuck with losers like you!" The Zoe character whined to a male friend. "And it's all the fault of the patriarchy, which you are a member! I hate you! Your dumb!"

"No, you can't do this!" Rainbow said with a pleading expression.

"We will. Also, instead of well-rounded side characters with plots and story arcs that can provide a source of character development for the protagonist, they'll be emotionless drones who exist to do nothing but say how perfect Zoe is no matter how horribly she behaves!"

"Zoe is, like, the best and most moral character ever!" A female character who was Zoe's friend exposited.

"You are all sheep who pander to the patriarchy and don't recycle!" Zoe said before punching the friend in the face.

"And she has good aim as well!" The friend said, smiling while rubbing her black eye.

"Why would anyone want to watch this?!" Applejack asked with disbelief.

"Decades of corporate brainwashing, ensuring will bring in customers no matter how terrible our products are!" The announcer taunted. "We're also giving Zoe a kid sidekick named Roy."

"Will he be a nuanced character who gives the female protagonist a meaningful sisterly bond?" Fluttershy pondered.

"HAHAHA! Not at all!" The announcer mocked. "We're making him into an obnoxious pest who does nothing but talk in buzzwords and catchphrases no matter how nonsensical it is!"

"So Roy, what is your favorite book!" An adult character asked him.

"It's Amazeballs! Let's Go!" Roy yelled, jumping up and down like a kid on a sugar high.

Fluttershy let out a horrified squeak.

"Instead of coming up with intelligent jokes with self-referential humor, we'll tell horrible quips that will make you want to pull out your ears without a laughter track!"

"Oh no!" A mother character said. "My baby has been kidnapped!"

"Well, we better start collecting that life insurance!" The Roy character snarked with an obnoxious smile on his face. "Because that's what you say to a grieving mother whose child is missing."

"Ah, my ears!" Fluttershy said, trying to yank her ears out of her head, before a laughter track echoed, with soothed Fluttershy's rage.

"Coming this summer is the sequel to the prequel to the third reboot of the Crimson Chin TV Show..."

"Crimson Chin 2: Crimsoner Chiner: The Destruction of Canon!"

"SHUT IT OFF!" Shrieked Rarity.

Applejack immediately took out her lasso, swung it onto the TV, and yanked it out of the commons rooms through a window. "Phew!" Applejack sighed with incredible relief, no longer having to watch that abomination. But that wasn't enough for Rainbow, who collapsed into tears over the mangling of one of her childhood shows.

Fluttershy held Rainbow while she cried profusely. "Don't worry, Rainbow, Crimsoner Chiner doesn't exist. It can't hurt you."

"Why are you trying to lie like that?" Applejack whispered to Fluttershy.

"Sometimes you have to lie to children to protect them!" Fluttershy whispered back, patting her athlete friend on the head lovingly.

"The Crimson Chin," Rainbow cried, "ruined...forever! This is the...WORST...POSSIBLE...THING!"

"Oh, Rainbow! There's no reason to be so dramatic, darling!" Rarity assured her friend before making a horrible realization. "Oh no, I wore my purple scarf with an aquamarine skirt. This...this is the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

"Yeah, sure," Sunset said distractedly, looking down at her notebook and doodling something.

"Sunset, are you OK?" Applejack asked her magical friend. Throughout the trailer, Sunset was the only Rainboom who doesn't say a single word, a dejected expression on her face.

"Yeah, sure," Sunset repeated in the same tone.

"Sunny-Wunny," Pinkie Pie chirped, "why are you so down-," Pinkie gasped. "I know, you miss Timmy-Wimmy, don't you?"

Sunset glared at the pink-haired girl defensively. "That's-that's not true."

The Rainbooms all looked at their unicorn friend with an unimpressed expression. "Darling," Rarity uttered with amusement and pity, "it's clear you have a deep care for young Timothy."

Sunset's expression became even more cagey, "That's not-"

"Remember the nightmare you had two days ago during our sleepover about Timmy never talking to you?" Rainbow asked with a smirk on her face.

Rainbow was doing her usual late-night exercises in her weight room when she heard a loud yell.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Rainbow entered her bedroom and found a shaking, sweating, and hyperventilating Sunset. "Sunset, buddy," Rainbow asked her unicorn friend with a saddened, concerned, and horrified look. "Was that you screaming in terror?"

Sunset trembled for a few moments. "Yeah," she said sadly after a few moments.

"Alright, just checking," Rainbow said abruptly with a smirk before leaving the room. "Night."

Sunset sighed, annoyed, before bundling herself in her sleeping bag and returning to sleep.

Sunset's expression became more uncertain, her gaze falling back to her notebook. "Well-"

"And then there's the song you sang at band practice." Pinkie Pie intoned.

"Oh Timmy, Timmy, Timmy," Sunset sang sadly while strumming her guitar "I miss you, said your best friend Shimmy." The Rainbooms watched this with no small amount of concern on their faces.

Sunset's expression became even more nervous. "I was just-"

"You're even doodling about Timmy right now!" Pinkie Pie chirped.

"What are you-" Sunset began, only to realize she had begun absent-mindedly doodling a picture of herself and Timmy hugging. Underneath the picture was a caption, "TIMMY AND SUNNY 4 EVER!"

"OK," Sunset said miserably, "I miss him...a little."

"Darling," Rarity said with sympathy, "it is obvious to us that you've grown close to young Timothy when we've known him. Your care for him is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Yeah," Rainbow snarked. "We can tell you miss your boyfriend so much!" Instead of laughing, her friends all began glaring at her. "What, what did I say?"

"Rainbow, what's wrong with you?" Pinkie Pie asked the sports lover with sheer disgust in her voice.

"What-"

"Do you want people to think I want to date a ten-year-old?!" Sunset asked with fury, her melancholy broken by her disgust with Rainbow's joke.

"How could you be so coarse?" Rarity asked, the pitch in her voice showing her horror at Rainbow's joke.

"But-"

"My granny would wash mah mouth out with soap if she heard that!" Applejack yelled, her expression making it seem like she also wanted to wash Rainbow's mouth.

"Go to your room right now, young lady!" Fluttershy ordered with an unusually severe tone.

Rainbow looked at the animal lover with annoyance and confusion. "Um, we're not in my house-" Rainbow paused and yelped as the pink-haired animal shelter employee yanked her by the ear. "OK, OK, I'm going!" Rainbow yelled as Fluttershy pulled Rainbow out of the cafeteria by her ear.

"Ignore Rainbow, darling," the purple-haired girl said with a roll of her eyes. "Your feelings for young Timothy are perfectly normal. You've grown a genuine bond with him, and it pains you that he wishes to be apart. I'm sure he'll come around eventually." Rarity held up a pink collared shirt. "And when he does, you can give him this beautiful new shirt I made," the fashionista gushed.

Sunset's expression twisted into a mixture of frustration and confusion. "I mean, I don't feel this way when I am away from you guys for a week."

"Sugarcube," Applejack said with a roll of her eyes. "We're your friends. But havin' kin of your own...well, that's a different creature. Having friends is nice, but when you look after someone as much as my Little Bloom, you'll always worry about them."

"I mean, I love all my sisters so much!" Pinkie Pie gushed. "I'd hate to be away from them for more than five seconds." Pinkie Pie looked at her watch, which now read "five seconds." "Oh no! Now I'll never see my sisters again," Pinkie whimpered before crying a river of tears, which only ended when Maud came up to the table. "Oh wait, I see her. Bad feelings are gone." Maud then walked away from the table. "And now she's gone again!" Pinkie whimpered before once again crying.

A sad expression appeared on the former unicorn's face. "Well...I've never felt that way before about, well, anyone."

The words made the Rainbooms look at their newest member with concern. "Darling," Rarity asked sadly, "you've never felt that way? What about your relatives? Surely you were close to them?"

An even more morose expression appeared on the fire-haired girl's face. "Well...the truth is-"

"RUN!"

"PANIC!"

"THE END TIMES HAVE COME!"

The Rainboom saw the students running throughout the school in panic and terror, with many screaming in fright. The sheer amount of fear ended the discussion of Sunset's private life. The Rainbooms jumped up from their table and saw Flash running toward them like he'd seen a ghost. "Is it another magic thing?" Sunset asked her ex-boyfriend with a stern expression.

"Oh boy!" Rainbow said excitedly, pumping her fist into the air, excited for more action. Her friends gave her an annoyed side-eye. "I mean...oh boy."

"No!" Flash yelled in a terrified panic.

"Mad dog?" Fluttershy offered.

"No!"

"Girls scouts?" Rainbow asked.

"No! NO! It is a thousand billion times worse than those things combined!"

Applejack immediately looked concerned. "What could be worse-" Rainbow tapped on her shoulder and pointed toward the door. What she saw made the farmer girl's blood turn cold.

It was Limestone Pie. Doing something she had never done before.

She was smiling. No, it was much worse. She was laughing. Not just any other laughter. It was rib-bruising laughter. The sight filled Flash with so much terror he sprinted out of the room so fast he left his jacket behind. "MOMMY!" He shrieked.

The Rainbooms stayed but could barely maintain their composure as Lime strode toward them, looking happy as a clam."Did you eat puppies, Limey?" Pinkie asked with fear and suspicion, her friends joining her in a protective hug at the sheer madness of the sight.

"Hey, Limey!" Gilda greeted casually as she strode up to the rock farmer, giving a quick kiss on the cheek. "What's so funny?" Lime pulled out her phone, snickering, and handed it over to the Gilda. The white-haired girl began cracking up, much to the growing suspicion of the Rainbooms. "You dweebs have got to see this!" The martial artist gushed. Sunset took the phone, more out of suspicion than any laughter. It was usually a sign of terror and pain when Gilda and Lime laughed.

Sunset saw it was a live news report from Dimmsdale covered by Chet Ubetcha.

"Hello, I'm Chet Ubectha," the diminutive reporter said while hanging from the edge of a news chopper. "On the Channel 7 Live App. Prolonging network news' inevitable demise for a few short, miserable years." The man said sadly before his trademark smile reappeared on his face. "Earlier this morning, at the top of Dimmsdale Spire, a young man fell victim to the world's highest wedgie." The chopper reached the summit, where they found a kid hanging from the pointy tip of the 500-foot structure.

Sunset's eyes narrowed when she saw who it was. "That's Francis!"

The grey-skinned child was hanging from the spire by his underwear, screaming his head off and begging to be let down.

"I'm being lowered in for ann interview with the unfortunate young man." Chet hung from the lowered helicopter until he was close enough to wave a microphone in Francis' face. "So, Mr. Francis, do you have any thoughts?"

"Oh, I don't know!" The grey-skinned bully said, rolling his eyes and his voice replete with angry sarcasm, "How about...GET ME DOWN?!" The 12-year-old shrieked at the reporter.

The short broadcaster let out an amused chuckle before returning to the camera, unconcerned with Francis' plight. "Tune in for the daring rescue mission at noon." Francis let out a sigh of relief. "Next Wednesday." Francis started panicking again. "Here's a word from our sponsor: Dimmadome Brand Blubber Nuggets. Mmm, they're chewy!"

"Wait! No!" Francis screamed before the camera was cut off.

"Wait, you know that loser?" Gilda asked Sunset as her laughter died down.

"Yeah, he's Timmy's bully," Sunset said with no small amount of disdain.

"Wait, Timmy has another jerk in his life!" Rainbow said with some exasperation.

"I'm not surprised!" Applejack said with a tired expression. "That boy attracts trouble the way a light attracts a moth."

"Well, it appears Beaver Boy is fighting against the creeps in his life." Limestone said with no small amount of appreciation in her voice. "He's being his fancy rock to good use." Sunset and the other Rainbooms' eyes widened in concern when they heard that. The first bell rang, and Pinkie's oldest sister started to leave.

"He's finally learning how to deal with the dweebs in his life," Gilda said admiringly, "Maybe he's ready to get back in the gym where he belongs, and he'll stop his pouting already." The military girl said, eager to start training with her young protege again.

The hackles of the Rainbooms rose at Gilda's dismissive tone. "Pouting?" Rainbow asked with disgust. Gilda's insensitivity was one of the reasons why Rainbow tended to keep Gilda at arm's length. "Did you remember what the D-those three psychopaths put him through?!"

"The poor dear's also afraid we'll take advantage of him." Rarity chimed in with a sad expression.

Gilda snorted. "Oh please, I would never use the kid for wishes-" Just as Gilda said, a rolled-up piece of paper fell out of her backpack.

"What's that?" Rainbow asked sternly.

Gilda immediately got defensive and nervous. "Nothing?" Rainbow's suspicion grew, and she immediately lunged for the paper. "I said it was nothing!" Gilda said, diving for the paper, but Rainbow got to it first. While Gilda was stronger than Rainbow, Rainbow was faster.

"Let's see." Rainbow opened up the paper and began reading it aloud. "Gym equipment. Hiking boots. A new punching bag."

"It's not a list of things I want Beaver Boy to wish for me," Gilda said defensively.

"Then why does it say "List of Things I Want Beaver Boy to Wish for Me?" Rainbow asked with disdain. The other Rainbooms, especially Sunset, glared at the white-haired nuisance.

"Uh," The martial arts specialist stammered. "It's a Christmas wish list...of things I want him to buy me...legally from... the Internet."

Sunset crossed her arms, not buying Gilda's excuse. "Christmas is seven months away."

"You know me, I love getting an early start on my work."

"Gilda Silverwing Griffin! Your homework is overdue!" Gilda turned around and let out a horrified gasp. I saw a short but menacing old lady coming toward her.

"Oh no! My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Stevenson!" Gilda stammered, cold sweat running down her forehead. "Hey, Mrs.-"

"Your fingerprint assignment hasn't been submitted! It's been twelve years!" Mrs. Stevenson.

"I'll have it in tomorrow-"

"That excuse may have worked the 9,563rd time, but not the 9,564th time." The old lady narrowed her eyes. "You leave me no choice," she said ominously.

"No," Gilda begged in terror.

"I will...send a note home to you!" Mrs. Stevenson said, holding up the menacing piece of paper. "You will become a productive citizen who contributes to society."

"NEVER!" Gilda proclaimed defiantly before leaping out of a window.

"They always run," Mrs. Stevenson mocked before tearing off her professional attire, revealing a ninja uniform underneath. Holding a pair of nunchucks, she dived out of a window.

With the white-haired menace gone, the Rainbooms returned to the subject at hand.

"This is terrible," Rarity remarked.

"I know!" Rainbow exclaimed. "These monsters have ruined the Crimson-"

"Rainbow, I'm talking about what Timothy did to the rapscallion." Rarity admonished with a severe expression. "Shouldn't we be worried? Timmy seems to be acting out again."

Rainbow rolled her eyes in annoyance. "If that jerk is messing with Timmy, he had it coming." The athlete scoffed at Rarity's concern. "I hate to say it, but Gilda's right: not every creep is some loser who needs a friend. Some are just idiots who need a punch in the face." The harsh tone in Rainbow's voice showed the Dazzlings, and their horrible treatment of the boy hardened her quite a bit.

"But dangling someone by their undergarments from such a high altitude...seems harsh," Rarity intoned. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie didn't say a word, but their expressions made it clear that they felt Timmy's retaliation against Francis was too far.

"He's alive, ain't he?" Applejack said, unsympathetic toward the plight of the grey-skinned thug.

"Weren't you afraid of Timmy using his magic?" Fluttershy asked her farmer friend.

"I was concerned about him causin' mayhem," the blonde girl replied. "If he's defending himself from some varmint, I don't have no problem with that."

The Rainbooms all looked to Sunset, wondering what she thought of this. As someone from a magical dimension, her human friends decided she had the final say on everything regarding magic, even though the magic in question was not Equestrian but fairy.

"Cosmo and Wanda care about Timmy a lot," Sunset said. "Sure they did...turn me into a worm, but only because they thought I was a threat to him. While they have to grant Timmy's wishes, they can rein Timmy in when he goes too far because they do want what's best. So if they wanted to do this to Francis, then I don't have a problem." Sunset said, her eyes cold with contempt for that oversized idiot. "As long as they don't cause trouble for anyone else, then there's no problem."

"There is a problem: a giant sea monster menaced the Dimmsdale Yacht Club!" Chet Ubetcha said, showing footage of a giant purple squid attacking the club, sending its wealthy patrons running and screaming for the Hills.

"Cool!" Rainbow said, watching the broadcast like it was some excellent monster movie. "I mean, not cool!" Rainbow replied after Fluttershy gave her a side-eye of disappointment.

"We have a live interview with Commander Spitfire from the Dimmsdale Emergency Sea Monster Response Team."

A fire-haired commander stood behind a press podium, her uniform replete with medals and her pose stern and authoritative. "I want it to be known to the world...that we are not a waste of money," she said before leaving the podium and strolling into a nearby solid gold helicopter encrusted with jewels.

"During the massive giant squid attack, however, only one yacht was destroyed." Sunset's hackles were raised when she saw who the owners of the yacht were.

"First, the yacht was, like, there," Chad described in an interview with a spacey expression.

"And then it, like, wasn't," Tad finished. They were too astonished by their yacht's destruction to feel outrage or disgust.

Sunset's face scrunched up in horror, but Rainbow offered her explanation. "Look, this could be just a coincidence. Those two goons transferred out of Timmy's school. I can't think of a reason he would attack them now."

"The destruction of Tad and Chad's yacht was followed, entirely by coincidence, by the publication of the best-selling novel Timmy's Diary."

The Rainbooms' suspicion rose before it became replaced by fear. "Diary?" Sunset asked with concern.

"Revealing such strong revelations about Timmy Turner," Chet said, opening the diary. "Such as his orange allergy, fear of clowns, and that he has two fair-"

"Oh no!" Rainbow said, cold sweat running down her face and the faces of her friends.

"Fairly nice goldfish," Chet Ubetcha exclaimed. The Rainbooms let out a sigh of relief before a thought came to Sunset. "Wait, didn't Tad and Chad transfer schools? How did they get their hands on Timmy's diary."

Remy Buxaplenty watched the interview from television in his family's limo, his face contorted in rage, and Juandissmo sitting in his lap in the form of a ferret. "What's this? Why weren't Turner's godparents exposed!" Remy exclaimed angrily. His plan was relatively simple. Wish for Turner's diary, have those two idiots publish it in their name so he could have deniability, and get that reporter to reveal to the world Turner's godparents.

Juandissimo took on his fairy form, looked at his godchild form sternly, and poofed a copy of Da Rules. "According to Las Reglas, if a godchild tries to expose another godchild's fairies, he forfeits his fairies?" Juandissimo's eyes narrowed even more. "Would you be willing to hurt Timmy just to lose me...again?"

A thoughtful expression appeared on Remy's typically smug face. "No," Remy said with unusual empathy toward his godfather. "No, Juandissimo. It isn't worth losing you again."

A relieved smile appeared on the Hispanic fairie's face. "Gracias, Remy I am glad-"

"I'll have to get Turner a different way!" Remy said, a nasty smirk appearing on his face.

"Hijo, why do you hate Senor Timmy so much?" Juandissmo asked empathetically. "He's just a nice boy who wants to be your friend."

"Nonsense!" The blond-haired kid barked. "It is unfair for Turner to have people who love him more than me!" A crafty smirk appeared on the rich kid's face. "Besides, if Wanda wasn't his godmother, you could start dating again."

Juandissimo had to admit the boy chose his bait well. "Mi corazon burns for mi Amor, Wanda!" Juandissmo poofed up a picture of Wanda and hugged it to his sexy chest. "But my brain tells me not to involve the godchild in the romantic dispute of the godparents," Juandissmo said frankly, thinking his crush didn't give him a right to ruin Timmy's life.

"Very well," Remy said. "We'll find other ways to get at Turner." Juandissimo facepalmed in annoyance. While he loved his godchild, he was sick and tired of being Remy's minion.

The Rainbooms watched the news report with no small amount of trepidation. Subjecting his bullies to torment was one thing, but destroying property, even in retaliation, was a bit of a step too far. "Well," Rainbow said uneasily," at least no one died."

"There were several casualties of this disaster," Chet Ubetcha reported solemnly. The Rainbooms all gasped. "Many beloved were lost in the attack." The Rainbooms began hyperventilating. "Six prized vases, seven antique chairs, and dozens of porcelain dishes." The Rainbooms let out a sigh of relief. "But you can replace that without sacrificing your wallet at Barnyard Bargains: The Store of the Common Man!"

"Dude, are you so desperate for cash you need to shill in the middle of the news?!" Tad asked, annoyed that the broadcaster used the destruction of his family's yacht for product placement. Chad himself glared disapprovingly at the short journalist.

"I wasn't advertising!" Chet denied with a nervous smile, then looked nervously to the left toward a limo, where the Barnyard Bargain CEO, Mr. Rich, was standing outside glaring at him ominously. "I was giving an objective report on Barnyard Bargains," he said, beginning to sweat nervously, and his voice became more frantic and high-pitched, "his sponsorship of the studio and ownership of my likeness has not all influenced the objectivity of myself or Channel 7 News!"

With the broadcast over, the Rainbooms looked to themselves in concern. "C'mon guys," Rainbow said somewhat reluctantly, "Timmy was defending himself. Besides, those idiots had it coming for breaking his ankle. Besides, what's the worst Timmy could wish up?"

"THIS JUST IN!" Chet Ubetcha yelled into the microphone. "GIANT PLASTIC DINOSAUR TOY ATTACKING DOWNTOWN TOY STORE AND STEALING TOYS!" The massive monster started tearing apart the toy store and stealing all the toys, with children and parents running away, screaming for their lives.

"The origins of this mysterious monster is yet unknown," Chet Ubetcha began, a mysterious band-aid on his forehead before his expression became more dark and foreboding, "but it is in the opinion of this reporter that such an incident could've only been the creation of an evil, destructive, and monstrous child who deserves a bit time out."

The Rainbooms looked shell-shocked, but before Rainbow could even argue that this was a coincidence, Chet Ubetcha began an interview with a certain "witness." "So, young man?" Chet Ubetcha asked, holding up a microphone to Timmy's face. "What do you think happened?" Sunset noticed Timmy wasn't wearing his pink hat and had a pair of sunglasses on his face. But Sunset could see Timmy's face was full of guilt and nervousness.

"Well, someone couldn't have possibly wished it up," Timmy insincerely argued into the microphone, his posture and demeanor becoming even more nervous and defensive. "After all, magic is definitely not real and certainly didn't cause this disaster!" His defense wasn't helped by the fact that there were two nervous squirrels, one pink and one green, behind him, who were also sweating bullets.

The Rainbooms looked dejected while Sunset facepalmed. "Timmy," Sunset said through gritted teeth, "you are such a horrible liar." After a few moments of hesitation, the Rainbooms decided to make a game plan.

"OK, we'll go talk to him and see what's up," Applejack muttered with a sigh.

"I got Mr. Turner in my contacts and let him know we're coming over," Ranbow said as she pulled out her phone, only for Sunset to yank the phone. "Sunset, what are you-"

"Don't call Mr. Turner," Sunset hissed to Rainbow.

"Why not?" Rainbow asked in confusion as she pulled back her arm.

"Because if Timmy knows we're coming, he might wish we won't," Sunset warned.

The Rainbooms eyes widened, remembering how much power Timmy had at his disposal. "So you want us to spy on him again?" Fluttershy asked with a stern expression. The Rainbooms also looked at Sunset with disappointment, remembering how that revelation damaged his trust in them.

Sunset's expression briefly descended into guilt over having spied on Timmy and violated his trust. But after looking at the ruins of the toy store, her guilty expression became one of stern resolve. "Princess Twilight said that Timmy has a right to be said, but he doesn't have a right to cause destruction." Sunset gave her friends a serious glare. "If he acts out, then he loses the right to privacy. And if Cosmo and Wanda can't rein him in, then it's up to us."

The reluctance of the Rainbooms was replaced with the same resolve, remembering their responsibility as the Elements of Harmony was paramount to their relationship with Timmy. With that, the Rainbooms walked to the music room, their de facto headquarters, and began making plans.

"You just want Timothy to try on the shirt, do you?" Rarity asked in a teasing tone.

"Yes!" Sunset squealed girlishly, holding up the shirt with an excited smile. "Wouldn't it look so adorable on him!"

"Wait," Applejack said before looking at Rainbow with suspicion, "how do y'all have Mr. Turner's contact?"

Rainbow looked nervous and guilty. "Uh, I'm helping Mr. Turner with some...projects."

At the Dimmsdale Annual Cook Out, Mr. Turner and Dinkleberg had reached the finals. "Mr. Dinkleberg has presented us with a gourmet quiche," the judge said approvingly. He then sneered at Mr. Turner's abomination that he called cooking. "While Mr. Turner has presented his sweaty-sock casserole."

The putrid thing made a bird that flew bird collapse to the ground while the audience let out a disgusted grimace.

"We all know who the winner is-," the judge began. He took a deep breath as he prepared to make the announcement.

"Mr. Dinkleberg," a woman on the intercom announced, "your car is being towed away."

"Not my car!" Mr. Dinkleberg sweated, "I just made my monthly payment."

"Well, with Mr. Dinkleberg technically absent," the judge said with annoyance. "Mr. Turner is the winner by default."

"Default!" Mr. Turner cheered. "The two sweetest words in the English language."

Dinkleberg strode to the parking lot and saw two men in jumpsuits preparing to tow his car. If not for the fact that they had brown mustaches, he would've mistaken them for two girls, one with rainbow hair and another with purple hair.

"Sorry, Dinkleberg!" The taller man said with a stern expression. "But...you can't park within two inches of the white line."

"But I'm five-" Dinkleberg protested, only for the tower to cut him off.

"Are you questioning the tow truck man?" The rainbow-haired tower asked menacingly.

"That's punishable by an entire time out!" The smaller man with purple hair chirped.

"A time-out?" Dinkleberg replied fearfully. "That's worse than death." Resigned, the upper-middle-class man pulled out his checkbook. "How much do I owe you."

"Uh.." the taller tower drawled, "a lot of money?" Dinkleberg wrote a lot of money on the check and handed it to the older tower.

"Thanks, but we'll still have to take your car to the lot!" The rainbow-haired man said.

"Understood," Dinkleberg muttered, but a nagging thought came to him before he could walk away. "What's the name of your company."

"Uh," the purple-haired man stammered. "Local...out of town...towing company." He meekly handed over a card written in crayon on an old newspaper.

"Local Out Of Town

"Alright, everything appears to be in order!" Dinkleberg said with an obvious smile before walking away. When he was gone, both men cheered.

"Yeah!" Rainbow said, "We got him!"

"Take that Dinkleberg!" Scootaloo cheered. Another thought came to the young girl. "I thought you hated cheating, Rainbow?!

"Scoots," Rainbow said to her surrogate sister, "you know what they say: it's not cheating if you don't get caught!"

"Makes sense to me!" Scootaloo said, accepting the logic.