A Matter Of Dimesions And Relationships
“Woah, wait wait wait, so what you’re saying is, ponies can play guitar? But how?”
“I dunno, the normal way?” Rainbow Dash shrugged.
“But you don’t even have fingers!” Twilight sighed in exasperation. “Sorry, I just, really want to know all I can about, well-“ she gestured towards the room they were in – the Castle of Friendship’s throne room, “-everything about this world. And the portal too!” She sighed again. “But it’s all so confusing, even for me.”
“Twilight, er, other Twilight,” Pony Applejack started.
“It’s perfectly normal to want to know how things work but-“ Pony Rarity continued.
“Like, the simplest conclusion is-“ Pony Rainbow Dash said.
“It’s maaaaggiiiccc.” Pony Pinkie Pie ended.
Sci-Twi collapsed onto her chair. This world of horses -erm, ponies – was so strange. Amazing, but strange. When Sunset Shimmer first suggested bringing them to Equestria (with Princess Twilight’s consent, of course) she had been ecstatic. The opportunity to finally figure out how magic works in both worlds, while exploring the cultures of one of them? Think of all the research that could be done! But alas, the world, both worlds, decided to mess with her. She had zero idea how to read pony words, where to do research, and how to even move things with hooves. Or horns.
Everypony else in the room, which includes the Mane Six, their counterparts, plus only the one Sunset Shimmer, minus Sci-Twi because duh, sensed that Sci-Twi was frustrated. So naturally, they changed the topic. Too bad the ponies forgot one teensy-weensy important detail…
“Hey, Flash Sentry’s in town,” Rainbow suggested as she wagged her eyebrows suggestively, “I’m sure Twilight, um, our Twilight, won’t mind if you hit on him.”
The human seven, who were ponies at the time, exchanged looks. Twilight, Sci-Twi, raised the question. “…Why would I want to hit on Flash?”
If a horseshoe dropped this very moment, it’s presence would be clearly heard.
A horseshoe then fell from the ceiling.
It was Pinkie Pie who broke the deafening silence. “…At least she isn’t worried about magic any more?”
Pony Twilight cleared her throat. “Uh, forgive me if I’m rude but, WHY WOULDN’T YOU?” she said in her royal Canterlot voice, and sat back down on her throne.
“Um, I’m sorry, I’ve said this a lot of times now, but I’ll repeat it again – I’m not interested in Flash! He’s a good guy, and a great friend, but I’m not interested in him in that way,” Sci-Twi explained, “but Sunset might?”
“What- why would you accuse me- I don’t-“
“Sunset? Chill. Also, we all saw the photos,” Rainbow Dash said as she casually leaned back on the throne-like chair.
“Wait, WHAT photos?” Sunset inquired, suspicious and cautious.
“Darling, of course she’s talking about the photos of you and Flash kissing at the back of that coffee shop. It was on the student chat group. Aren’t you in the group?”
“Well yes, but I never actually check the messages,” Sunset explained. Then something hit her like a barrel of hay. “Wait. You guys saw a photo of me, and Flash, doing that, and NONE OF YOU TOLD ME?! Also, side note, WHO TOOK THAT PICTURE?!”
“More importantly, YOU KISSED WITH FLASH? I only ever bumped into him! How did you- when did- what- oh Celestia help me.” Pony Princess Twilight collapsed onto the map table.
“Yeah yeah, so you made out with human Flash Sentry. Big deal. It’s not like our Twilight is in a relationship with Pony Flash Sentry. But the real question is, where’s Timber Spruce?”
Pony Twilight and Fluttershy exchanged looks. “... You mean the squirrel?”
Another horseshoe dropped.
“...That actually makes… a lot of sense,” Sunset added (un)helpfully.
“Okay moving on,” Pony Rainbow waved her hoof, “Let’s get to more important matters. Like how far other me and Applejack are in their relationship. Like maybe thir-”
Applejack put her hoof over her marefriend’s mouth. “Rainbow Dash! They’re teenagers! Y’all can’t ask a question like that!” She hit Pony Rainbow in the elbow.
“Woah woah, back up, WHAT?! I don’t like Applejack – I mean, not that way! Besides, I’m with Fluttershy!” Human Rainbow Dash protested.
“Yeah, an’ sorry to disappoint, but Dash an’ Ah only went on a date once. We d’cided we’re better off friends. An’ I’m with Rarity now.”
Pony AJ arched her eyebrows. “What?! No offense, Rares, but Ah can’t imagine us like that.”
“Me either, darling.” Pony Rarity looked at Human Rarity. “Terribly sorry, um, me, but what do you see in Applejack? Your Applejack, anyway.”
“Uh, her honestly, perhaps? And many other things too – I’ve just never really thought of that. But if Pony me isn’t with Applejack, then who are you with, um, me?” Human Rarity asked.
“Sorry to inform you of this, actually not really, but I am currently a free mare,” Rarity said proudly.
“Actually,” Twilight – pony Twilight – started, “Spike is, how to say, admires you in a, ahem, light, that goes beyond common admiration.”
A loud clang! Was heard when a metal horseshoe made contact with the cold hard ground.
Everypony – body, you KNOW what I mean – looked at Twilight, the Princess one, with bewilderment.
Pony Rarity cleared her throat. “Pardon my language, but… WHAT THE BUCK?!”
Human Pinkie Pie whispered - in a loud voice - to Sunset. “What does that mean?”
“It means fuck.”
“Oooohh. What does that mean?”
“Sex.”
“Oooohh, you mean like, gender? Well, why did you just say so, silly?” She patted Sunset’s head.
“I- never mind.”
Human-turned-pony-at-the-moment Fluttershy asked, “Isn’t Spike a dog? In our world, at least?” “I thought it’s illegal to be in a romantic relationship with an animal… But I could be wrong!” she added quickly.
“Um, it’s not illegal here? I mean, it’s kind of, not really, it depends on what creature it is,” Twilight, I think you know by now which is which Twilight, attempted to explain. “See, according to the current Equestrian and International, not interdimensional, laws, it is now legal for ponies to marry, or be in a romantic relationship, with other higher intelligent creatures, like dragons or changelings, and vice versa. It’s become more common since the recent wedding of changeling Hive Leader Thorax and Dragon Lord Ember,” Twilight recalled from Modern Equestrian Relationships: Equestria and Beyond, because of course she did.
A horseshoe dropped.
“So… Any human-who-is-currently-a-pony wants to talk about the fact that the class pet chameleon and the dog of the owner of Torch’s Tools are married in this pony dimension?” Sci-Twi asked weakly.
Another horseshoe dropped.
“...Anypony and human-turned-pony want to pretend this never happened and play dragon pit?” Pony Twilight suggested.
“Yeah, that sounds fun. This whole conversation never happened, and if it did, please tell Starlight Glimmer to wipe my mind,” Sunset said, still processing the fact that it was now LEGAL to commit to a relationship with supposed villain tribes. What the hay happened while she was in the human realm? Then again, maybe she didn’t want to know. Nope. Dragon pit. Just like when she used to play with her brother when she was younger. No weird thoughts or laws needed. Just a simple game to enjoy with her friends. Stop thinking about Rainbow Dash and AJ, bad Sunset!
Everypony mumbled their agreement. At that very moment, Spike and Starlight walked in.
“Hey guys, erm, OG Main Six, Sandbar asked if it was legal to have a romantic relationship with a yak. Also, have you seen Trixie’s ‘great and powerful’ horseshoe collection? I think she threw it in my floor-to-ceiling spell-hole by accident.” Then she noticed the looks on everypony’s faces. “Why do you all look like you’re brainwashed? I didn’t cast the auto-cleaning-and-totally-not-a-fixed-up-brainwashing-spell spell wrong, did I? ” She asked relatively calmly for somepony who once caused a five-second flood in the town when she last used a brainwashing spell.
“Starlight?”
“Yes, Human Twilight?”
“Brainwash us.”
Starlight and Spike looked at everypony in the room, then back to each other. Spike shrugged.
“…I feel like we missed something. But did you know Thorax and Ember came back from their honeymoon yesterday?”
The unfortunate earbuds sacrificed that day when shrieks of agony erupted from the Castle of Friendship will never be forgotten.
(But in my humble opinion, I believe Spike brought this upon himself.)
