“Excuse me, Miss Twilight, I was told you knew a Captain Rainbow Dash, could you recall any particular tales of interest for the Cloudsdale Historical Gazette, we were hoping to run an article on her?”
At Silver Shoals Retirement Home, in a rocking chair across from the reporterpony, sat the now-retired princess, Twilight Sparkle; her immorality passed to her successor, and her powers long-since waned. The withered, elderly Alicorn mare gave a throaty chuckle as she answered the question.
“Rainbow? Why I haven’t heard that name in centuries.”
Looking at nothing, in particular, Twilight seemed to see something no otherpony in the room; neither the reporters nor the attendants could see. She grinned and her eyes twinkled knowingly, as she told the reporter.
“She was a winner, you know.”
Nodding in understanding, the reporter confirmed her words.
“The Captain of the Wonderbolts, the Element of Loyalty, and many looked up to her for her days of Pegasi Racing, which it’s said she never once lost. Actually, many claimed she never came in less than first in anything she tried. She’s still heralded as a legend in the halls of Canterlot, I can’t think of any better winner, Miss Twilight.”
Shakily waving dismissively with one hoof, Twilight just said.
“Pshaw, no that’s not what made her a winner. I mean she was an actual winner. You see young colt, it was about 1143 years ago now, but I’ll never forget what happened. The girls and I were sitting at the bar when a young recruit decided to challenge her-”
Pausing her tale, Twilight chuckled before looking at the reporter and said.
“At that time Rainbow had been a couple of years from retirement from the Wonderbolts. She was no longer a spring mare, none of the girls were.”
Writing down notes in his notepad, the colt nodded and, keeping a purely respectful tone, inquired what happened that night. Twilight grinned and she resumed her tale.
***
At the end of the bar, sat a young cadet Pegasus and her friends. Barely old enough to drink, the Pegasus was constantly being egged on by her friends to down stein after stein of the golden amber cider the bar was known for.
As the night waned on, five empty steins lay scattered around the cadet. Soon, however, it became very apparent that it was simply five too many. The Wonderbolts Academy had nothing against the cadets drinking, if of age, though there were heavy suggestions that perhaps it should be avoided, and the reason why soon became obvious.
Her eyes clouded by liquid courage, the mare slammed down the empty stein onto the counter and rose swiftly from her seat, amidst confusion from her friends. Stomping over to the other side of the bar, she stood behind and yelled out to the fabled Captain of the Wonderbolts.
“You ain’t shnothing Rainbow Dash! I could take shu!”
In an instant, the bar went silent. All conversations just ceased. Even the dancers over by the jukebox just stood there, staring in disbelief at the brass ones the Cadet seemed to have sprouted. In the somber silence, Applejack, sitting beside Rainbow Dash, just shook her head, offering the mare a slight warning.
“Whoa nelly, Ya really don’t wanna mess with ‘er.”
Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie all nodded in somber agreement, while Twilight just looked a bit shaken, clasping her cider stein tightly in her hooves. Meanwhile, Rainbow just took a sip of her cider, ignoring the brazen call out.
Refusing to back down, the Cadet roared.
“Why not? I heard all aboutsh the great Rainbow Dash from my grandmare, Lightning Dust.”
Rainbow quietly set down her cider at the mention of the name. The Cadet addressed Rainbow directly.
“ She told me all about how much of a winner shu was. How she never beat shu in a fight or race, but I bet I could take shu. I’m a real winner!”
Applejack was about to respond when Rainbow Dash softly chuckled.
“It’s all right, AJ. I’ll handle this.”
With a muscle ladened foreleg, Rainbow slammed her hoof on the bartop, cracking the surface of the lacquered maple. Slowly unfolding her left wing, she used it to brace herself against the wall as she rose from her seat.
The Cadet’s jaw dropped in shock at the sheer size of the fabled Captain; the rippling muscles causing Rainbow to simply dwarf those around her. Looking down at the hapless mare, Rainbow smiled.
“So, you want to be a winner, kid?”
Chuckling, the aged legend nodded thoughtfully before speaking again.
“Alright. We can have a fight if you want, but before we do, let me tell you what it takes to be a winner like me.”
Grinning broadly, Rainbow lifted a hoof to her muzzle and tapped her teeth, which gave the distinct sound of chinking chinaware.
“You see these? These aren’t real. Porcelain, you see. I was a bit of a scrapper, myself, back in the day, and when I got in a brawl over pulling a prank, I got my teeth knocked out. I wasn’t able to find them after that scuffle, so I got them replaced.”
Laughing, she continued for all to hear.
“Oh but don’t worry, I left that Amethyst Star in Ponyville General with seven broken bones; though she only broke three of my ribs. That makes me the winner.”
Closing her lips, Rainbow lifted her head upwards, revealing a shiny metal circle embedded in her jaw as she explained.
“This metal pin here is the only thing connecting my jaw to the rest of my skull. A trophy of my most successful Pegasi Race. You see, when I was but a filly, I performed the sonic rainboom, winning my race. Ah, but though I crossed the finish line first, I was young and inexperienced, I just couldn’t stop myself. And so, going Mach 3, I crashed, face-first into a stone pillar; shattering the bones in my jaw, separating my lower half from the rest.”
Laughing loudly, Rainbow tapped the long horrific scar running down her face just under her right eye.
“But hey, this scar right here, reminds me every morning when I look in the mirror, that I was the winner.”
Slowly, Rainbow unfolded her right wing, revealing a mangled, twisted feather-covered membrane.
“I’ve got arthritic wing-joints, kid.”
Gesturing with her good wing towards her left foreleg, and an unsightly bulge amidst the muscles, she continued.
“And I’ve got a dislocated knee. I was quite the delinquent back in the day, even at work I would test my physical might against the freshly minted lightning bolts of the Cloud Factory, and recklessly I would race, flying through the forest; often crashing into trees. Oh, and my nose here?”
Tapping her nose with her hoof, Rainbow smiled with her false teeth.
“It’s been broken so often from my frivolous escapades that if I were to sneeze, it’s likely to simply fly off. But that’s okay because I’m a winner, right?”
Not getting a reply from the now-mortified Cadet, Rainbow turned around once more, revealing the sinewy, twisted mass of muscle in her back, like an angry knotted cord. Chuckling, she informed the young mare.
“This broken back of mine is the result of a confrontation with a stallion named Harry Clay, a professional fighter. I was a bit of a wild rose when I was your age, and as a result, one sticky, hot night he caught me in bed with his wife. In a rage, he flung himself at me.”
Pausing, Rainbow simply grinned.
“That mare gets uglier and meaner every day. But hey, she still calls me up every Saturday, and him? Well, he’s in the grave courtesy of yours truly. So you know what? That makes me the winner.”
Placing a hoof next to her enlarged ear, Rainbow continued.
“You got to speak loud when you challenge me, kid. With this twisted spine, these migraine pains, and cauliflower ear, I can barely hear a thing. All the results of various scuffles and brawls I’ve been in over the years.”
Turning once more, she tapped her right eye, with an audible clinking sound.
“And let me tell you if it wasn’t for this glass eye of mine, oh I would shed a happy tear. Just from thinking about all, you’ll get, by being a winner.”
Turning back to the bar, and taking her seat, slowly and painfully once more, Rainbow Dash picked up her stein in her hoof and took a sip, before saying softly.
“You remind me a bit of my younger days, with your over-eager hooves up and looking for a fight. I’ll tell you though right now, kid, I’m just going to sit here and sip this brew all night. But hey, if there is some prestige you have to gain in front of your friends over there, by winning some silly fight-”
The aged, wizened, and legendary Captain of the Wonderbolts, just smiled. Pausing, as she took a long sip of the sweet, golden, melancholy elixir she loved, she concluded her thoughts with a simple statement.
“Alright, I give up. I lose kid, you’re the winner.”
***
Furiously scribbling notes at first, the reporter now sat in complete silence as he listened to Twilight’s recount of the memory, chills traveling down his spine. Twilight meanwhile gave a gentle laugh.
“You’ve never seen a mare sober up so fast, I guarantee it; Rainbow had completely taken the wind out of her sails. As the bar erupted in laughter at the brutal humbling Rainbow had given the Cadet, the mare drunkenly stumbled from the barroom, quiet and without a word.”
Tilting her head in amusement at the thought, she smiled warmly.
“Later on, Rainbow told me, that when she retired, she had the distinction of pinning her Captain’s Badge to that same Cadet; the haughty mare now more disciplined, humbled, and willing to work with others.”
The reporter quickly wrote down a few more notes, before seeing a twinkle appear in Twilight’s old eyes.
“You know, they say in a barfight, the winner is the one with the least amount of injuries. And when that mare left the bar, unlike Rainbow, her eyes both still saw, and her nose was just fine and she still had all her teeth. And with her promotion, she thanked Rainbow in her acceptance speech. So, I guess that made her the real winner.”
