The Dangers of Dreaming
Rarity had a secret.
She was in love with Twilight Sparkle.
She could recall the exact night that she’d first dreamt of being with Twilight. Cliché as it was, being saved by somepony else tended to resonate with the one who’d been saved. The moment Twilight had made her gamble – giving the collected Alicorn magic to Tirek in exchange for freeing her friends – Rarity’s fate had been sealed.
That night, the dreams had begun.
But that was all they had ever been. Dreams. Twilight already had another mare in her life, one that Rarity knew she couldn’t compete against. While it had taken her some time, she had finally accepted that fact, giving up hope of seeing those dreams turn to reality.
Still, the dreams helped her cope. After an especially trying day, Rarity was pleased and more than a little grateful to be enjoying a repeat of one of her favorites. In truth, she knew this dream by heart, but the memory paled to experiencing it yet again.
“Rarity?”
Rarity blinked, startled from her thoughts. “Yes, Twilight?”
Twilight giggled, lowering the book to the floor. “You looked like your mind was somewhere in Canterlot. Am I boring you?”
“Bore me? Never, darling,” Rarity replied, smiling brightly despite feeling the urge to wince. She didn’t like thinking of Canterlot. Canterlot was where she lived. Thinking of her would turn this dream into a nightmare, and that was the last thing Rarity wanted.
As Twilight resumed reading aloud, Rarity leaned back against the pillow, taking a moment to simply enjoy the cozy feeling of the library around them.
I could stay here forever…
Rarity was humming a tune to herself as she worked, carefully crafting a new dress for her upcoming fall line. Finishing off a particularly tricky stitch, she set the needle down and held the dress up to the light.
Bland. Bland and uninspired. It looked like something Rarity might see on a clearance rack down at Filthy Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. With a groan, she set the dress back down and stepped away from the workbench.
“Maybe I need a vacation,” she said, looking around for Opalescence. “A sightseeing trip to Manehattan, or even Baltimare perhaps.”
Before she could pursue that thought – or find the cat – the chime of the door drew her attention, and she trotted into the front room.
“Good morning, and welcome to Carousel Bo…oh, it’s you, Twilight!” Rarity felt a burst of enthusiasm fill her chest, and she smiled. “I must say, this is a pleasant surprise. I thought you were in Canterlot preparing for the Gala.”
Twilight nodded, her eyes full of energy and spark. “We were, but both of us decided we wanted new gowns for this year, and that meant we had to come see the best dressmaker in all of Equestria.”
“Er, we?” Rarity managed, biting her lip and hoping Twilight had misspoke.
The door chime sounded again. Princess Luna stepped into the Boutique, her mane glowing regally in the light streaming through the west windows.
Rarity was suddenly grateful that protocol dictated she bow. It allowed her a moment to hide the look of jealousy that crossed her face.
“Really, there is no need for you to bow before me, Rarity,” Luna said, motioning for her to rise. “Especially not when we are in private like this.”
“Oh, you know, old habits,” Rarity lied, putting on a fake smile. “Shall we get started?”
The next three hours were the longest of Rarity’s life. Luna’s presence in the Boutique was bad enough, but seeing the way Twilight so plainly loved her – and by extension, did not love Rarity – was agony. The gentle smiles. The way they subtly brushed against each other when trading places in front of the mirror. The quick kiss they shared when they thought she wasn't looking. All that and more combined to make Rarity sick in her heart.
But she was a capable mare and businesspony, well-practiced in hiding her thoughts, and so she maintained a smile throughout. “Well, I think that’s everything,” she eventually said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’ll have the dresses ready by the end of the week.”
“One more thing off the checklist!” Twilight exclaimed happily. She exchanged a smile with Luna, who returned it with one of her own. “Now there’s only another seven hundred more things to do before the Gala next week.”
“Only seven hundred? You must be speaking only of the first scroll,” Luna teased.
Swallowing her bile, Rarity tapped her hoof on the floor to get their attention. “Well, I’m sure you’ll both get everything done,” she said. “Now, I hate to shove you out the door, but I really must get back to work. So many dresses to make, so little time.”
“Rarity, you seem like you’re stressed.”
Rarity looked at Twilight over her half-moon glasses, pursing her lips. “I do?”
“You’re clenching your jaw a lot, and your back looks tight.” Twilight set her book down, and trotted over.
She nibbled on Rarity’s ear, causing the dressmaker to close her eyes and moan softly.
“Or maybe…” Twilight continued, kissing Rarity on the neck, “I’m just looking for a reason to give you a back rub…”
Rarity felt her face blush. “Oh, Twilight…”
Exactly what Rarity was going to say next was lost when the door to the Boutique burst open.
Luna stood there, looking great and terrible in her majesty, her immortal beauty casting a shadow on everything around her.
“Twilight,” she began, “you don’t want to be here in this hovel, in the same space as her. Come with me, back to Canterlot, and we can be happy together.”
She turned her steely gaze on Rarity.
“She can do better than a dressmaker.”
Rarity wanted to shout that she was more than a mere dressmaker...but her accomplishments paled in comparison to Luna’s.
She wanted to shout that the Boutique was not a hovel…but what was it compared to the Royal Palace?
Rarity wanted to shout that Twilight loved her…but it wasn’t true, and so she didn’t.
As the dream Twilight joined the dream Luna, Rarity remained where she was, feeling the stitchwork of lies holding her heart together finally come undone, the inky blackness of despair filling the gap.
If that had been the only nightmare, Rarity might have survived it, but it wasn’t. Night after night, Rarity’s various escapes were tainted by Luna’s invading presence. The very things she’d relied on for comfort - the dreams that she had used to deny reality, while claiming to have accepted it - turned into more harsh reminders of what the real world held for her.
Day became night, night became day, and Rarity felt herself slipping away. The mask she carefully wore in public started to crack. An innocent question from Sweetie Belle was met with screaming, followed by hours of trying to reassure her sister that she hadn’t meant the things she’d said. A misdelivered package by Derpy brought about thirty minutes of rage, followed by two days in which Rarity did not step a hoof outside the Boutique due to embarrassment.
Her friends tried to find out what was bothering her, but she couldn’t bear to admit it to them– not when Twilight might find out. Lies had put her in this situation, and lies were all she had to cling to now, as her various refuges collapsed around her.
After a day in which nothing had gone right, Rarity was too tired to care about the nightmares that awaited her. Not bothering with her usual pre-bed beauty routine, she flopped onto her bed, turned out the light, and fell asleep.
“I can’t believe you thought you had a chance with her,” Rainbow Dash said, snickering. “She can totally do better than you.”
“Um…I feel like you were being kinda silly, thinking that Twilight would want you,” Fluttershy added.
“Shucks, sugarcube, even you shoulda known that royalty doesn’t marry common ponies like you and me,” Applejack said. “You should find you a nice farmer or something.”
“Hey, Rarity, do you want to help with decorations for Twilight’s birthday party? I hear Luna has something special planned to ask her!!!”
Pinkie joined the other three in circling around Rarity, who was hunched over at her desk, staring down at a pattern that she couldn’t get right. The dress itself was fine, but the star pattern in the train just wasn’t working right, and –
She pulled back, lip curling in horror as she realized what she was working on.
A wedding dress for Princess Luna.
“No,” she whispered, stepping back from the table. “No, no, no, no, no.”
“Rarity, what’s wrong?” Twilight Sparkle joined the dream, doing as she always did now – driving the dagger more deeply into Rarity’s shattered heart. “Don’t you want to make a beautiful dress for the mare who’s better than you in every single way?”
Not to be outdone, Pinkie started a chant of “Make the dress! Make the dress!” which the others soon picked up. As they circled around her, their menacing faces grew larger, chanting “Make the dress!” over and over. She cowered on the ground.
“Please…please stop,” she whispered, pulling her hooves over her ears and closing her eyes. “Please…”
They stopped.
Rarity waited several moments, expecting the nightmare to continue, finding some new way to torment her. When it didn’t, she opened her eyes.
Princess Luna stood at a respectful distance.
The real Princess Luna.
The two mares spent several moments staring at each other, neither daring to speak a word. Rarity wondered just how much Luna had seen.
She didn’t have to wonder for long.
“I am…sorry,” Luna said.
For a wonder, Rarity felt something come unbounded to her own lips.
“I’m sorry too,” she replied.
Luna had taken Rarity to someplace else in the dreamscape, a tranquil hilltop that Rarity did not recognize, an unfamiliar horizon in the distance. While the setting was not uncomfortable, Rarity herself was not at peace. She still was unsure just how Luna would react to what she had seen.
As she poured tea from a small blue pot, the Night Princess looked patiently upon Rarity.
“How long?" she asked.
“Years, really,” Rarity admitted. “But it’s only been in recent months that I started to lose hope that your relationship would only be a passing fling. That was when things started to get worse.”
Luna raised her teacup to her lips, taking a gentle sip. “And then your dreams helped you cope.” In response to Rarity’s questioning look, Luna showed a soft smile, though there was sadness behind it. “Strong dreams leave marks on a pony’s soul, which can be seen in this space.”
“A trait of dream magic?” Rarity frowned. “That hardly seems fair, that you can see so much of me.”
“No magic is needed to see such things here,” Luna replied, "only talent and practice. I do not use my magic to reveal the truths of others. I use it to conceal my own."
Her horn briefly glowed, and Rarity realized what Luna meant, as the illusion she had been wearing fell away.
“Nightmare Moon’s work was thorough,” Luna explained, as Rarity saw the echoes of various violent and painful dreams pass by. Dreams of Luna casting Celestia down, of being worshiped by the prostrated masses, of being surrounded by fearful sycophants, each memory tinted with the darkness of Nightmare Moon. “Her lies did not enter into my heart overnight, as my sister prefers to believe.”
Her horn glowed again, and the echoes – the scars – faded away, leaving only Luna as Rarity knew her once more. “You understand why I prefer to keep such things concealed. It makes counseling ponies rather difficult when they focus on my own past, rather than the things that trouble them.”
“Of course.”
“I reveal them to you because you face a choice that I once did.” Luna lowered her head. “A choice I failed in making. You know the result.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“You dream what you do because of the unanswered yearnings of your heart,” Luna replied. “There is no shame in such. Dreams are powerful tools to help us cope with the challenges of our lives.
“What is a concern is when we allow our dreams to be dominated by one singular desire, a desire not grounded in possibility nor reality. In my case, being as adored as my sister. In yours…”
“Having Twilight’s heart,” Rarity finished.
The look Luna gave Rarity was a mixture of pity and sadness. “The impossible desires of my heart led me to terrible things. I would never wish my former fate upon my worst enemy…and yet my own actions nearly sent another pony down the same path of misery I once trod.”
Rarity wanted to smile, to scoff and laugh the notion off, but the look in Luna’s eye prevented her from doing so. Things quickly crystallized in her mind, the scales that had covered her eyes for so long falling away.
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
Luna raised one eyebrow. “I know that the young love of two ponies was sufficient to cleanse Canterlot of the Changeling invaders. I would not wish to see a powerful unicorn demonstrate what unrequited love can lead to.”
Putting the thought of becoming some sort of Nightmare aside, Rarity turned back to the earlier statement. “Princess…you know this is not your fault, right?”
“Is it not?" Luna frowned. "If I had remained firm in denying Twilight’s advances, as my instincts screamed for me to do, you would never have suffered so." She shook her head. “My greed would have proven to be your undoing.”
“If wanting to answer the call of your heart is greed, then I am a far, far greedier pony than you,” Rarity replied. “I refused to respect the choice of my friend, and drove others away due to my own selfishness. As the Element of Generosity, if anypony has failed here, it has been me.”
“But – “
“No buts,” Rarity replied, her own concerns now secondary to her concern for the pony sitting across from her. “Princess Luna, I do believe we’ve both forgotten a lesson that the girls and I taught you, not so long ago.”
“Oh?”
“Your past mistakes do not mean that you are forbidden from seeking happiness in the present. You wisely chose to stop using the Tantabus – do not seek to create a new one once more.” She swallowed. “And I…I need to stop living in the past as well. Maybe there could have been something between Twilight and I, and maybe not. But there is not something now, and it is selfish of me to hope that your happiness is taken from you solely to sate my own desires.”
The two mares were silent for some time, each taking small sips of tea.
"You know, usually I'm the one offering counsel during these dream sessions,” Luna finally said, a weight clearly having lifted off her shoulders. “Being counseled myself is new for me, but I believe both of us are better for it.”
“As do I,” Rarity replied. “And I hope you’ll forgive me for being forward, but I consider Twilight a very dear friend, and I would be remiss if I did not try to become good friends with the mare she plans to marry.” As Luna started to object, Rarity held up a hoof. “I know Twilight well enough to know the topic has at least come up, yes?”
Luna nodded.
“Then you’ll have to promise me I’ll get the first crack at the dresses,” Rarity said, smiling through her tears. “It’s the least a friend can do.”
Luna slowly smiled. “Agreed.”
“Well then, it’s settled. Stop by the Boutique the next time you’re in Ponyville. In the mean time, how do I get out of here?”
Luna’s smile grew wider, and her horn glowed. “I’ll let you go back to your own dreams. I trust they will be happier ones.”
“As long as it’s not the one where my sewing machine grows legs and chases me through Ponyville, I shall be content.”
Soft laughter rang through Rarity’s ears as she drifted back to her own dreams.
She was not healed, not by a long shot. But she finally felt as though her hooves were treading the beginnings of a path that would lead her forward, rather than in circles.
That was something she could accept.
Author's Note
Hopefully you enjoyed this short story.
There will be a decently extensive postmortem on this story, posted as a blog in the next few days. It went through considerable revisions before reaching the current form, and I'd like to lay some of those out for consideration.
