Between A Rock And A Hard Place
Between A Rock And A Hard Place
Just start over, they said.
It’ll be so easy, they said.
No, it should have been easy, but then when has anything ever been easy for the Great and Powerful Trixie? I’ll tell you when. Never! It has never been easy for me. In fact, it always seemed like the world had some kind of… vendetta against me. I guess that’s what the Great and Powerful Trixie gets for being so… great and powerful.
Yet, I found myself trotting down the streets of some dark and somewhat gloomy town in the west of Equestria. How quaint. There were rocks on the ground, rocks around me. Hay, I bet the clouds were made of rocks here, too.
Kidding, of course. Clouds can’t be made of rocks. I snorted at myself, finding it all just a bit ridiculous. How did I even end up here? The Great and Powerful Trixie deserved more than just… rocks.
“Stupid rocks,” I hissed under my breath, kicking a rock from beneath my hooves.
“Hey. Don’t do that.”
“WAH!” I spun around, my heart racing. Somepony spoke! But there was nopony else here before! I made eye contact with another mare. She stared back with an expressionless face. “Wh… Who are you?”
She blinked at me. “My name is Maud. You’re on our farm.”
She spoke like some kind of… bad actor would. And her farm? “Just what kind of farm is this? Trixie only sees rocks.”
“It’s a rock farm,” she said flatly. “For rocks.”
I looked around. There were certainly a lot of rocks, enough to warrant the title. But then… “How do you even farm rocks?”
Maud, who for somepony who I could already tell showed no expression, shifted in a way that I pretended meant she felt something. Her gray coat and grayish-purple hair didn’t add much. “Oh, I can explain,” she started. Looking back at the fields full of rocks, she cleared her throat. “You see, we have different fields with different kinds of dirt that we put rock shards and other nutrients into, as an agricultural farmer would with seeds, and after a lot of waiting and making sure the dirt is pressurized enough and has the perfect conditions, rocks and crystals begin to form under the topmost soil. Of course, we need to externalize the pressure because a few mere kilometres of soil wouldn’t be enough to—”
“—Okay, that’s good and all, but do tell, Maud, do you know someplace Trixie can get some food?”
Maud shut her mouth. “Food?” she repeated blankly.
I honestly couldn’t even understand what was going on with this mare. “Yes,” I snorted, “food. You know, like what ponies need to stay alive?”
Honestly, she was more like some kind of robot from those stupid science fiction novels that my old assistant would always talk about. She even had the weird clothes to prove it.
Maud nodded. “Yes, I know. You can come back to my place, if you want,” she offered. “We have food.”
Well, at least now I had somewhere to go, right? Even if it was some random mare’s house in the middle of literally nowhere.
Okay, maybe Trixie wasn’t the brightest mare in Equestria.
Still, it was better than nothing, and if I got murdered in the middle of a rock farm then so be it. At least I’d die knowing my last show was nothing but spectacular.
Mostly.
Eventually, I found myself at her place. All it took was some walking and some conversation. I’m joking. There was no conversation. At all. I tried telling her about my magic shows but she seemed uninterested.
“There’s nobody home,” Maud deadpanned as we stood in her monotonous gray kitchen. “My family is all out on vacation, so they won’t care that you’re here. As long as you don’t tell them.”
Her mouth twitched. Was that her attempt at a joke? I wasn’t sure, so I chuckled awkwardly anyway, looking around to make a mental note of where all the possible exits were. There was the door we came through, and some windows nearby. Maybe even the fireplace. I squinted at it, but I wasn’t sure if I was small enough to fit. If anything, I could throw a smoke bomb and run away.
"Anyway. We have soup." Maud gestured to the stove with a hoof. On it was an equally gray (but shiny!) pot, presumably full of soup. "Do you like soup?"
Did I like soup? Of course! Anypony in their right mind likes soup. But should I tell her that? What if the soup was… poisoned. I didn't know this mare, should I eat her soup?
I squinted at the pot. It was steaming. "Well, are you going to eat with me? Trixie doesn't like eating alone," I said. It wasn't a lie, although I regularly ate alone anyway. It's just that I never had a choice. Being a traveling magician was… difficult, sometimes.
Maud shrugged. "If you want. I don't mind. The rock soup is good."
Rock soup?
I swallowed dryly, nodding slowly. To be honest, I wasn't quite convinced that she could have been kidding. I'd known Maud for maybe fifteen minutes and based on that, Trixie wouldn't have been surprised if there were actual rocks in the soup. I kind of regretted accepting the offer.
Wordlessly, Maud turned to the pot and lifted it with a hoof. I watched as she grabbed one of those… soup spoon thingies—a ladle?—and served soup into two bowls that happened to be sitting on the table in the little table in the kitchen. I wasn't sure if I would have preferred eating in the dining room, but from where I was standing, the kitchen offered more escape routes.
Maud pulled two seats out, setting the table so we could eat. "Here," she said. "It's warm."
I wondered why it was warm if she had already eaten, but the unease kept me shut up. Instead, I mumbled thanks and used my magic to lift a spoon. Why this earth pony and her presumably earth pony family had spoons was beyond me. The earth ponies I knew didn't use them.
Hooves aren't exactly dexterous, you see.
With the spoon in my amazingly pink magical grip, I dipped it into the soup (WHICH HAD ACTUAL ROCKS IN IT) and scooped. The soup water was murky green, but I caught sight of an assortment of vegetables at the bottom of my spoon. To be honest… the soup smelled… good? I was still nervous to have any.
My gaze flicked to Maud. She stared back. She had simply raised the bowl to her mouth and took a sip. I heard crunching, and I hoped it wasn't her teeth that made that noise. I smiled at her and gazed back down at my spoon.
Cringing a bit, I put the spoon into my mouth.
I hated it.
It tasted good, and I hated that I liked it.
Maud set her bowl down. It was empty now. I had taken one sip and she was already done. Had I really been delaying that much?
"So did you like it?" Maud asked, gazing at me.
I nodded, which was the truth. "Yes, although Trixie doesn't think her body can palate these… stones…"
She blinked, which I took as simple agreement. "That's okay. Most ponies can't."
I wondered just what kind of ponies could.
"Was that your cart out there?"
That cart? She meant my trusty caravan, I assumed. I nodded. "Yes, Trixie takes it everywhere she goes. It holds all her magic supplies," I explained. I left out the part about it being my home, too.
"Magic?"
Ah, so she was unfamiliar with the show-stopping abilities of the Great and Powerful Trixie. Well, that wouldn't do. "I see you've never heard of the Great and Powerful Trixie."
"... Trixie."
"Yes."
She looked at me. "That's your name," she said in a way that made it unclear whether it was a question or a statement.
"Um, yes."
Trixie felt… strange to say the least. Here she, I mean I, was, sitting in a stranger's home, eating her… rocky soup, and I was just now introducing myself? I don't know how I haven't been mugged yet.
Well, apart from that one time.
Maud nodded and looked down at my soup. “While it’s strange that you speak in the third person, I guess I get it. Some ponies call me weird.”
I can’t imagine why.
She pointed at the bowl with a hoof. “You should finish that or you’re going to be hungry.”
Did she not care about my magical prowess? Perhaps an earth pony such as herself couldn’t understand just how impressive I really was. I couldn’t blame her, of course, Trixie’s phenomenal feats of magical ability really were something to behold. Just… I had to get her to behold them, first. The soup, I guess, couldn’t wait!
I once again lifted the spoon and ate as much of the lukewarm soup as I could, trying not to think about the rocks that were in it. Trixie supposed… salt was just a rock, too… It wasn’t as weird as it seemed.
I chucked the mostly empty bowl (which was… strangely heavy) into the sink. It clunked around the basin but did not shatter which in hindsight was good because Trixie had just thrown a bowl halfway across the room. Maud blinked and stood up, seemingly unphased by my actions. I watched her walk to the sink and look inside with a frown (or at least as much of a frown as she could muster). Had I offended her?
Maud turned back to me. “You didn’t break it.”
I wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. “No…”
Maud shrugged and picked up the heavy bowl, crushing it between her foreleg and her fetlock as if it was bubble wrap waiting to be popped. I gawked at the action. I mean, that bowl was heavy! Even in my magical grip I could feel its strange weight. And then Maud crushed it like a bruised apple between her hooves.
“What was that for?” I asked, clearly confused by her action. Sure, I threw the thing into the sink but I wasn’t expecting her to go and break it.
“It’s like fertilizer for the rocks,” she explained. “See?” Maud gestured to a bag full of shards of what must have been other types of stones. She walked over to it and dropped all the pieces in it, which made me wonder how she never dropped any in the first place. “Makes the rocks grow better crystals inside them.”
I still didn’t understand how all that rock farming nonsense worked, but I wasn’t in the mood for an explanation, so I just nodded along. “Well, Maud, that is certainly… interesting, but Trixie has a more pressing issue to ask about. Have you ever seen real magic before?” I put on my show voice, determined to show Maud just who she was in the presence of.
“Well, I’ve met unicorns before,” Maud said. “My colleagues. They have spells to identify rocks, but I can just look at them and know.”
“Oh… kay,” I mumbled. Shaking my head, I got back into the headspace that I needed to be in to perform. I glanced around. The kitchen would certainly not be the best place for this, and besides, all of my tools were in my caravan! That is where we needed to go. I turned to Maud with a smile. “Follow,” I demanded.
She followed.
I led her to my caravan. Its weathered, but still vibrant, paint was a beacon of greatness and colour in the mostly diluted and gray surroundings of Maud’s rock farm. I gestured for Maud to sit in front of the beautiful purple and blue vehicle, then ran inside to prepare. Setting off a lever with magic, I heard a clicking mechanism go off and then a dull THUD. The stage was ready! Quite literally.
But what would I show her? It had to be the best of the best. I knew that anything could probably impress this mare seeing as she grew up… here… but I still wanted to do something spectacular for her. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t seen anypony else worth talking to for months but I wanted Maud to be my friend.
How pathetic.
At least I knew just the thing to impress her. Eyeing the box in the corner of my little room, I smirked. “Oh yes,” I whispered to myself, “that’ll do nicely, Trixie.”
The fireworks set the stage for my entrance, which was announced by a cloud of smoke and a pop. I didn’t actually know how to teleport, but to a non-magical pony, this was probably the next best thing. Instantly, I stuck my front hooves up, my cape blowing in the wind that I had set up via fans.
Maud stared. She didn’t look enthused, but that was to be expected, I thought. She’d get there.
“Welcome one and welcome… all to the single greatest magical performance you will ever have the pleasure of feasting your eyes upon!” I announced with a confident smile, pushing my large brimmed hat to reveal my confident smirk. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will be blowing away your sense of reality today, so she hopes you are ready!”
My horn glowed pink as I brought over a bouquet of flowers wrapped in shiny blue paper. “What you see before you is a simple bouquet of flowers. Observe.” I spun it around in the air, showing off every side to show that it was in fact simply that. Or at least, so it seemed. “However,” I added with a smirk, “I hear that these flowers are in fact too beautiful. They’re known for attracting—” I stomped “—butterflies!”
As I spoke the words, the flowers turned into butterflies and flew away, or so it appeared. In reality, I was simply casting an illusion. Maud seemed none the wiser. I actually caught her eyes widening a bit for a moment, which seemed like a win! Yes, Trixie was surely drawing her in now. Despite the lack of a large audience, simply that reaction was enough to energize me. I could just about hear the clapping from the audience that was not there. My smile widened, although I kept it a confident one.
The “butterflies” flew up and away, out of sight before I ended the illusion. I wasn’t worried about her noticing the trick since my horn was glowing anyway from holding up the now “empty” bouquet of flowers. Besides, I doubt an earth pony would be able to really tell. Regardless, I threw the bouquet of flowers to the side, where the illusion wore off and they appeared once again wrapped in shiny satin-like paper.
Maud stared on with that simple, unamused look on her face. I knew that I was starting to get to her, though, and I trotted to the front of the stage. I looked right at her since she was the only pony watching anyway. Feeling a new-found sense of confidence, I cantered across the stage. "Too bad it's the middle of the day. Trixie often enjoys celebrating her arrivals with fireworks!"
As I said the word, the rockets shot out of what should appear to have been my very hoof as I extended it to the sky. The objects exploded with a small blue explosion. The remaining particles formed the shape of my cutie mark. "But Trixie supposes her any weather fireworks should do the trick." On command, the sparkles swirled and formed a shape of a pony before standing on a front hoof. "Like that."
The little pony poofed and dusted away into the air. Maud cocked her head a bit. If she thought that simple illusion trick was impressive, she wasn’t ready for what I had planned next.
“For this last trick, Trixie will risk her own life!” I paused for gasps, though there were none. Pressing on, I cantered to stage left. “Out of her hat, Trixie will pull out a venomous, pony-eating snake straight from the Everfree Forest!”
Okay, it wasn’t from the Everfree. At least, not anymore. I bought it at some sketchy earth pony shop in the last town I was in. Truth be told, I don’t really know where it went after I put it in my hat, but that didn’t matter. It was dangerous, so I wasn’t a liar.
Maud blinked. I counted that as a success.
“She will then attempt to wrangle it and subdue it with her bardic prowess!” And by attempt, I meant succeed, of course. I've never once failed this trick.
"Watch and be amazed!" I called out into the audience as I removed my hat, and with a pink glow, a large, black and white python emerged from it. My teeth gnashed together as I gave the biggest grin I could and set the snake down. It immediately reared up, its toothy maw opening into a threatening hiss. I looked up at it and spread my stance. "Come at Trixie, you unappealing ill-favoured serpent!”
The snake’s jaw extended as it rose even higher. I never felt nervous to face the serpent, not anymore, but something about potentially messing up in front of Maud made my stomach squirm.
Stupid earth pony!
I jumped to the left, sliding on my hooves as the python struck. It would be really amazing if I could somehow get a chimera to do this part with me. Though, goats kind of freak me out, so maybe not. Besides, I hear they’re really hard to strike a deal with. Pony-eating creatures, and all. I could almost forgive the python, but those chimeras are like us! Except they eat us.
Oh yes! The trick. I spun to face the serpent as it raised itself off the ground again. I did not flinch as it stared me down. With the calmest expression I could keep, I set a pink haze around the serpent as a flute-like instrument floated into my hooves. I also got this from that sketchy earth pony. With practiced lungs, I blew into it, forming beautiful, enchanting music.
I mean literally enchanting. The music came out as visible notes and swirled around the serpent’s head. It followed the notes, tongue slithering in and out of its mouth as I lulled it down to the ground. With a final, long note, the snake obediently retreated into a cage that was hiding off on the other side of the stage. I could deal with it later.
The music ended as I dropped the instrument to the ground and closed the door to the cage with a loud bang. At the same time, I raised a hoof to the air and the pyrotechnics that I had set up and grinned right at Maud. “Trixie hopes you were blown away by her spectacular feats!”
It wasn’t my best performance. I can admit that, but there was a twinkle in Maud’s eye that gave me a burst of energy as I hopped off the stage, forcing it to retreat and fold back into itself. I adjusted my hat as I cantered up to her. “Now, was that amazing, or what?”
Maud nodded, though she still looked like a statue. “Yes, that was quite enjoyable. I especially liked the part with the snake.”
I got through to her. “Good, that’s all Trixie wanted.”
She didn’t say anything, but she dug a hoof into her pocket and took out a little smooth pebble. “Boulder says he liked it, too.”
… “Boulder?” I looked at the rock with furrowed eyebrows. Surely, she couldn’t mean… that.
“Yes, he loves magic shows,” she said dully. With the tiniest (and first) smile I’d seen her crack, she patted the top of Boulder. “Isn’t that right?”
Boulder said nothing.
I took a cautious step back, once again considering an escape plan. “Okay? Well, in that case, Trixie should be going. She has places to be, ponies to amaze!”
“Sure.”
Even though I had been the one who said I was going to leave I found myself… a bit apprehensive. I didn’t want to leave, for some reason. Maud may be a strange pony, but she was the first pony who didn’t think I was annoying or boastful. My gait faltered as I looked at her with a frown, but quickly masked it with a confident grin. A practiced grin. “Yes, well… the life of Trixie is as exciting as it can be! Travelling through Equestria with nothing but this cart by her side, and the pleased smiles of the ponies I show my talents to!”
I felt my heart twinge a bit at the second bit. It wasn’t exactly true. Trixie wasn’t the most popular pony. But Maud didn’t need to know that.
“Well, I thought it was good. It made me feel about as excited as the time I found a patch of sedimentary stone right on the hillside of our west plains,” she deadpanned. I wasn’t sure if she was being genuine, but from the brief time I had known Maud, that was probably something she would be excited about.
“We’d had a long drought of sedimentary rocks,” she explained. “No matter how many bones we put in the ground, it just wouldn’t grow.”
I chuckled, though it was mostly a way to hide my extreme discomfort. “Of course. And why, if Trixie may ask, would you have bones to put in the ground?”
Maud quirked her head, finally putting Boulder back in her pocket. “Well, how else are you supposed to grow sedimentary rocks?”
Truth be told, I was still trying to wrap my head around the idea of rock farming, but that was not at all something I was interested in, so I let it go. “Right, of course. Silly Trixie…”
“I wanted to ask,” Maud started, dragging out every single word, “why are you roaming around Equestria?”
I cringed a bit, but tried to keep my face straight. “Well, I already told you, didn’t I?” I coughed and cleared my throat. “Trixie is a travelling magician. She goes around Equestria to perform shows and continue the legacy of the Lulamoons!”
Maud cocked her head, though her expression did not change. “Why do you do stage magic when there are already unicorns who can do magic?”
“Well… Tr-Trixie has just been upholding the family legacy,” I stammered. “It’s an honour, really. Any old unicorn can do simple magic, but only real magicians as amazing and awe-inspiring as the Lulamoons can perform illusions like the ones you saw before you!”
“There must be something else,” Maud insisted. For a moment, I could have sworn that something flashed in her eyes. “When my sister left, though I don’t really understand why she’d leave the rock farm, it was because she wanted something better.”
Oh great, there’s more of her, I mused. Though maybe, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing to think about. Maud wasn’t… the worst pony Trixie could have been spending her time with. In a rare (extremely rare, actually) moment of vulnerability, I sighed and sat back on my haunches. “My father was the best travelling magician in all of Equestria. Mage Lulamoon, they called him. Or, as he called himself, The Grand and Glorious Draco! Tamer of Dragons!
“He travelled around Equestria and even beyond to bring glee and magic to those unlucky enough to not possess it. And even to other unicorns who would never match up to the magical powers of a Lulamoon!” I extended a hoof to the sky, though my smile faltered as I brought it back down. “As Great and Powerful as Trixie is… She must admit… I-I don’t hold a candle to my father.”
Frowning, I took off my hat and looked at it. It had been a gift from my father once I earned my cutie mark. For stage magic! Like him! “He wanted Trixie to be like him, but she can’t. Trixie is doing her best, but she worries sometimes that it is not enough. My illusion magic is beyond compare, but his magic was inimitable in every way. Trixie just wants to get better. She wants everypony to think of her the way they thought of her father. With awe and reverence. Not… like some sort of joke.”
Maud took a step forward and put a hoof on my shoulder. “It probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but I don’t think you’re a joke.”
Was Maud… showing emotion? I looked at her, but her face was still that blank slate. Though, I could tell there was something more behind it. Just like I masked everything with my confidence, she hid behind a wall of nothing. Maybe she didn’t do it on purpose, but I could tell. I cracked a little smile. “Thanks Maud.”
“You rock,” she said flatly.
I snorted. She cracked a joke. I couldn’t believe it.
“Do you actually like rock farming?”
I looked over at Maud, who slowly tilted her head to me. She held Boulder on the tip of her nose, perfectly balanced until her gaze fell more squarely on mine. The rock fell and bounced off of the packed dirt floor. “Yes.”
Despite the hardness of the ground and the rock we were leaning against, I felt quite comfortable. Or at least, as comfortable as I could be. “Really? Don’t take it the wrong way, but Trixie thinks it’s sort of… bland.”
Maud scooped up Boulder and placed him back in her pocket. “It might be a little bland, but I love it. I love rocks. I even write poems.”
“About rocks?”
“Yes. Do you want to hear one?”
If it was anypony else asking, I’d probably say no, but it was Maud, and she was my only ‘friend’. “Uh, okay. But just one.”
“Sure. Here’s my favourite one. I call it Reflection in Rocks
Rocks
They grow deep in the ground
Rocks
But they hardly make a sound
Rocks
There are three main types
Rocks
They are my own damareotype.”
She looked at me expectantly. I blinked one, then gave her a crooked smile. “That was… really deep?”
I had no idea what that was even supposed to mean.
Maud nodded. “Thanks. It was about the feeling of being looked over and ignored, like rocks often are. I wrote it one time when I was sad. I have a notebook full of other poems like it.”
My face blanched. “Oh.”
I turned my gaze back up to the sky. It seemed like everything was always destined to be gloomy at Maud’s rock farm. Even the clouds. It fit strangely well with the grayed-out surroundings and even the grayed-out mare. But even in such a drab, desolate-looking landscape, there had to be something of substance. Some colour. Right?
“I’ve never really had friends,” Maud said out of nowhere. “Even when I was getting my rocktorate, my colleagues thought I was rather strange. I get why, of course. I don’t emote much, and some ponies think that’s weird. They think anything that’s not like them is weird.”
What she said rung true to me, and I remembered my own experiences with mean foal. And full grown ponies. They were just jealous, I reminded myself. I knew that oftentimes wasn’t true. “Yeah, Trixie understands.”
Maud stayed silent for a moment. I thought maybe she was thinking about what to say, but a glance at her showed her blank face had deteriorated to a frown, or at least, the most I had seen her frown. “Just because I don’t show my emotions like everypony else doesn’t mean I don’t feel them,” she uttered with what I could only label as emotion. She said it differently, with something that tugged at my heart.
It was guilt, I think. That feeling – and I realized it then. I had spent the entire day thinking that Maud was weird, but really, she was the nicest pony I’d met in a long time. She gave me food and had watched my, admittedly, below average magic show and she had never once said anything bad about me.
Maybe she was thinking it, sure, but she didn’t seem the type to hold in things like that. I looked over at her, fully rotating my head, and met her turquoise eyes. I realized then that she was the colour that had been missing from my surroundings. Not only that, but maybe my life. “I’m sorry,” I squeaked.
Maud blinked those brilliant green-ish eyes. “For what?”
I heaved myself up into a sitting, abandoning my cap and hat below me. “Trixie is sorry. She thought you were weird when we first met,” I admitted with a frown. Maud sat up next to me and stared at me. I could feel her gaze on me as I stared off at the little house in the centre of it all. “She did exactly what all those ponies did to you… and to her.”
Maud pressed up against me a little bit. I felt my face grow warm from the strange act of affection, though I could tell she was the type of pony who cared. “It’s okay, Trixie,” she said.
“But it wasn’t right of Trixie,” I deflected with a pout. “She knows how you feel. When she was touring Equestria on her Great and Power First-Time Ever Solo Tour, she stopped at Ponyville, where the ponies there laughed in her face. Especially after she showed those snivelling mares how amazing she is.” I flattened my ears against my head, remembering the Ursa Minor that had wreaked havoc. “They blamed me for something that wasn’t my fault, and even after I got my home—my everything—destroyed, they ran me out like some kind of… pest.”
Maud patted my shoulder stiffly, which made me cough out a short laugh at how awkward it was. I croaked out, “Trixie definitely doesn’t want anypony else to feel that way. And she’s sorry she was treating you like that too.” I looked at her with a smile. She returned it. Kind of. I could see it in her eyes. “Trixie wants to keep her friend.”
In that same, stiff way, Maud pulled me into a hug. She wrapped her hooves around me and stroked my mane. “I want to be your friend, too,” she responded. Though she didn’t exactly put any emotion into her words, I could tell she meant it. And despite being pressed up against the large boulder, I found myself perfectly nestled between a rock and a hard place.
In that moment, there was nowhere else I would have rather been.
“You should meet my sister, Pinkie Pie. She loves hugs.”
My eyes bugged out of my head. The image of that bouncy, pink annoyance leaped into my mind. “Pinkie Pie?!”
