What We D.I.D.

by Elusive Phoenix

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Dinky Hooves, Other, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3739

Derpy Hooves has D.I.D. But this is a special case. Most D.I.D. ponies are unaware of what their other personality does. This is not the case. This one pony; with three different minds; saved Equestria. This is what she did...

Derpy isn't just a clumsy Pegasus. She's more than just one, simple, pony.
Derpy has D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder). But this is a special case. Most D.I.D. ponies are unaware of what their other personality does. Derpy and her other personalities are.
This one pony; with three different minds; saved Equestria.
But some things cannot be avoided. Especially bad ones.
This is what she did...

(Set at any time between Discord's capture and his "reformation". Preread by Literature. Rated Teen and dark for psychological horror.)

Published 2012-11-20 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-27 23:36:28 UTC

Chapter 1

1:

Discord sat in the darkness of night, watching the multicolored creatures cuddled up in their warm beds. He found them irresistibly cute…

And that’s why he hated it. He couldn’t cause chaos, and few moments of chaos ever happen. He may be physically stuck in stone, but his mind can roam free around the dark blue light of the moon, or the brightness of day.

But even if his mind can roam, his powers cannot. He can only sit and wait for something massive and chaotic to appear for him to witness, as his bonds to his prison had been strenghthened. He floated away from the windows of the ponies, and went instead towards a large tree, known as the ‘library’, a place where knowledge of the past is kept.

Discord chuckled audibly, but only to himself, for the ponies around him could not see or hear or even feel him. He peeked through a second story window, and stared at the lump in the bed covers belonging to one “Twilight Sparkle”. He growled in anger. Twilight had been the one to defeat him. She had gathered her friends together and defeated him. They had failed at first, yes, but she found a way.

He sighed. But he was beaten, fair and square. She had won.

He slowly lowered himself to the ground outside the tree house, and walked down the streets of ponyville, his eagle claw gripping his lion paw behind his back, and his head hanging in thought. What has he done? He’s never physically harmed anypony! He just wants to have fun! Then why do the ponies of Equestria have such a problem with him? He frowned. He just didn’t understand.

He looked up from the dirt of the road, and realized he had crossed town already. He was on the very edge, near the river. He walked over to it, and looked down. He had been hoping to see his reflection, but instead found solid blue water, barely moved by the small wind. He frowned deeper. He looked back up to look at Canterlot Mountain. It was beautiful in its own unique way, but, to him, not the way that everypony else sees it.

He shook his head, dispelling the thoughts of Canterlot. He didn't want to think about things like that right now.

He walked slowly toward the house closest to him. A one story house, only large enough for a living room. He peered through the window. Inside was a couch directly next to the window, along with a large potted plant. On the other side of the room lay a bookcase with a few writing utensils on top. The rest of the room was fairly dull. A few pictures lined the corners, a few with a grey Pegasus with a yellow mane and a light purple unicorn filly.

Discord looked back to the couch, and noticed the head of a grey pony with a yellow, sort of golden, mane under a blanket. She rolled over slightly, showing lumps in the blanket. A Pegasus. Probably the one from the pictures. Her coat and mane seemed to change color slightly when she rolled back to her previous position. Discord figured it was just the light of the moon shifting her colors. He stared once more down the road through Ponyville. Nightmare Moon must be proud. It was fairly dark tonight. But the moon still gave off light, just like she liked.

He and Nightmare had been… good acquaintances. Not exactly friends, but they knew each other, and spoke at some times.

Discord regretted leaving Ponyville every time he did. Because every time he did, something epic and chaotic happened. Like Nightmare Moon.

Or the changeling invasion.

Or the crystal empire-

Wait… nevermind, it would be better to follow the Elements of Harmony! They are always involved with chaos!

Discord smiled. He may have a chance to regain a physical body once more…

________________________________________________________________________________

Maybe you should let me handle this.

I’ve got this, just let me try.

Fine.

Ditzy swallowed hard, reluctant to continue.

Do it! It’s not that hard!

Ditzy slowly raised her hoof, and knocked lightly on the door, then lowered her hoof. And waited. She stood, waiting for it to happen. For the door to open…

She was shaking slightly, and sweat lightly rained down her forehead.

Why didn't we just give it to the lady at the desk?

You said you’d do it someday! Why not make it today?

Ditzy swallowed. She already knew why. But she didn't know why she did it.

Do it again! Maybe she didn't hear you!

Is that really a bad thing?

If I could physically show a completely serious face right now, I would.

Ditzy shifted the mailbag slung on her shoulder.

The things we do to get paid…

She raised her hoof once again to knock. She slowly inched it toward the wooden surface.

She barely touched it before it swung open faster than lightning, and a Pink swirl enveloped her. She was quickly pinned to a wall, and her mailbag was dropped to the floor. Her ears were ringing from the impact. She could hear muffled words slowly fading in.

“…I aerpy- od it ina? Or is it Ditzy? Who is it? Wait! Rina would have already yelled at me! And Derpy would have been crying or laughing! Oh, oh! Are you Ditzy? Did I guess right?”

Ditzy wanted to throw up. She wished she had just let Rina do this.

Haha! No way! This is way more entertaining than being you!

“Huh? Huh? Did I guess right?” Pinkie’s face was pressed up against Ditzy’s, noses touching. Pinkie bounced excitedly.

“Yes… Pinkie…” Ditzy tried replying, “it’s Ditzy…” the weight left her as Pinkie bounded off her cheering in victory. Ditzy realized she had been holding her breath, and took the chance to breath.

Pinkie stopped bouncing and glanced at the gasping Pegasus standing outside her bedroom door.

Ditzy pulled her bag back onto her shoulder, and pulled out the letter.

“Ooh! Is that for me?” Pinkie asked, not bothering to care about the pain Ditzy had from being launched into a wall.

Ditzy stepped in the door, and held her hoof out, letter resting on it, “Yes-” Pinkie sped toward her, and the letter seemed to disappear into oblivion.

“Thanks!” Pinkie yelled as she shoved Ditzy, who slid from the force, out of the room, and into the hallway.

“Wha-” was all Ditzy could muster before the door slammed shut, hitting her in the face, and causing her to tumble backwards. She tumbled down the stairs that lead to Pinkie’s room, and hit the bottom floor with a thump, her head resting on the first step, belly up.

All Ditzy could hear was Rina’s laughing.

Hahahaha! That was the best mail delivery ever!

“Shut up…” Ditzy whispered audibly.

“Excuse me?” a high voice asked.

Ditzy looked down (to her), and saw Mrs. Cake standing a couple meters away.

“Nothing, Mrs. C. Talking to myself.” Ditzy smiled shyly, “Bad habit.”

Mrs. Cake smiled back, and spoke kindly, “Oh. So was she any trouble?”

Ditzy groaned, and chuckled lightly, “Not at all, Mrs. C.” she replied, smiling. Rina's laughing was infectious.

Mrs. Cake knew that a pony groaning after an encounter with Pinkie Pie meant that Pinkie had, once again, hugged them once too hard. “Well, if you’re up to it, would you mind… standing up? The customers are getting… curious.”

Ditzy rolled onto her stomach, and stood up, “Sorry.”

“Not a problem, dearie!” Mrs. Cake replied.

_____________________________________________________________________

Ditzy trotted out of Sugarcube Corner, in one hoof she held a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting.

Oh, this is delicious! She thought as she took a bite.

I know right! I still don’t know how they make this stuff-

I taste cupcakes!

Frack…

Indeed you do, Derpy! Where were you, anyway? I was wondering what happened to you!

I wasn’t.

I was thinking.

About what?

It’s a secret!

Secrets are bad, Derpy.

Then why don't a lot of ponies know we have D.I.D.?

…

Burned, girl, burned!

…shut up…

_______________________________________________________________________

Alright, Derpy, your turn.

Yay!

Ditzy stood outside Sweet Apple Acres, staring at the fields.

She closed her eyes and relaxed. Her coat suddenly seemed to reflect more light, as well as get brighter itself. Her mane seemed to turn a little grayish, but still contained a golden hue. She spread out her wings and opened her eyes.

But her eyes had changed from straight forward to facing opposite directions.

Man, I still get a headache whenever I see out her eyes!

How do you get a headache?

Disoriented.

That makes more sense.

“Derpy: Cardcaptor to the rescue!”

Oh, Celestia, please don’t let her play the-

->Oh, she is!<-

Ugh, why? The only ones out of any of those ponies that we're even friends with are Dinky and Raindrops!

Trust me, I hate it as much as you do.

“Onward to victory! Prince Whooves is expecting us!” Derpy yelled.

First of all, he doesn’t even live here. Second, he will never, ever, ever date you, ever. Not when we’re around.

Derpy’s voice turned to a low growl, as if to be dramatic, “Resistance… is futile…”

Crap, now she’s quoting my books…

Derpy trotted happily down the road to the Apple’s house, folding her wings back to her side. She glanced around at the apple trees, as they were lined with green and red apples.

I still want to know how they harvest all this…and in such a short amount of time!

Derpy reached the door, and lifted a hoof.

Derpy, don’t do it! Knock!

Derpy pushed the door open, and poked her head inside.

No-no-no-!

“MAIL’S HERE!” Derpy yelled into the house, causing some household appliances to shake.

Applejack walked into the foyer of the house, her hair hanging down, left untied by bands. Instead of her signature Stetson, she wore some pink earmuffs. She looked at the door, and saw Derpy standing there, smiling awkwardly. Applejack smiled back and removed her headphones, “Hey, Derpy! How’s it hangin’?”

Derpy put out a hoof with a few envelopes in it, “Mail!”

“Ah, right!” Applejack trotted over and removed the day’s mail from Derpy’s hooves, “Ah’m glad ah got these earmuffs,” she motioned to the pink overhead, “You should try knocking sometime, so you don’t, you know, blow up everypony’s eardrums.”

Derpy saluted, “Aye aye, cap’n!”

“Good! Now why don’t yall go finish you’re route. I’m gonna be busy today, and I’ve got no time to waste!”

“Yes, sir!” Derpy trotted out the door, hearing Applejack close the door behind her. Derpy extended her wings while walking, and slowly took off to their next destination.

The library.

___________________________________________________________

“Okay, Rina! You can take Eleanor now!” Derpy said audibly.

It was so sudden, Rina had little to no time to comprehend it, and when Derpy switched the body over, she tripped and fell face first into the ground.

Her coat darkened greatly, almost an elephant grey. Her mane turned to a dandelion color.

She removed her face from the dirt, and spit some out, “Derpy…” she growled.

Woopsie!

Rina only growled more. She took a step, and a small pain shot up her leg.

Gah! She hit you hard!

Welcome to my world!

She trotted up to the tree/house/library and knocked on the door with a normal amount of force, unlike her two “companions”.

She waited patiently. Eventually, the bottom half of the door opened, and revealed Spike, the libararian’s assistant: a dragon. But, being a baby, he was smaller than half the door.

“Oh, hi, Rina! Mail?” He asked. She pulled it out and hoofed it to him gently, “Thanks!” he closed the door and left Rina there.

That is how you deliver a letter. Quickly and quietly.

Pfft. Your way is boring. Ours at least came with hugs or smiles!

And I like it that way!

Rina walked away from the Library, and took off toward the post office.

__________________________________________________________

Rina landed on the front porch of her house near the edge of Ponyville. She had returned the mailbag to the post office, and was looking forward to resting and reading a book. Ditzy and Derpy both agreed. They needed a rest from the events of the day.

She opened the door to her house, and found a unicorn filly on the floor with a coloring book and crayons.

“Well, well, you’re here early.” Rina stated.

“Am I here early? Or are you late?” the filly replied, still staring at the book, deciding what colors to use next.

Rina looked at a clock mounted on the wall next to her. Two o’ clock.

“Nope, you’re early!” she smiled.

The filly replied, “Ooh, you found my secret!” she said jokingly, “Miss Cheerilee hurt herself, so they sent everypony home early.”

“Why come here, Dinky?” Rina trotted to the couch near the window, and sat down, “Why not your place?”

“Mom and Dad are both on business trips. They told me to stay at one of my friends houses or something.”

Dinky’s parents were the kind who cared little for her as a daughter, but more as a pony who simply lived with them.

“Well, Dinky, you can stay here any time you like! Mind handing me a book?” Rina had already laid down, and didn’t want to stand up to retrieve a book from across the room, on its bookshelf.

“Which one?” she asked without looking away from the book. She picked up a crayon and used her mouth to color.

“Blue Seas.”

“One or two?” Dinky mumbled between the crayon.

“Um… two.”

A magical aura enveloped one of the many books on the shelf, and levitated to Rina, who lay on her back. She grabbed it out of the air, opening it to the beginning, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Dinky had grown extremely strong in the usage of magic, despite being the younger of her classmates.

Rina felt good to finally be able to sit and read, with nothing to worry about for a few hours.

Life was good. Same routine every day, new versions of the same routine every day.

Nothing could ever change that…

Chapter 2

2:

"Twilight, mail's here!" Spike's voice rang through the hollow tree.

"What is it?" Twilight yelled from her position on the couch.

"An ad for 'Quills and Sofas'!"

"Toss it!" Discord and Twilight spoke in unison. A whole morning, and still nothing had happened. Discord suspected by now that Pinkie Pie would have burst through the door screaming; either in joy or fear. But nothing came. Twilight lay on the couch reading her book, Spike roamed around, occasionally asking Twilight if she had anything she needed done.

Nothing.

Maybe Pinkie Pie would hold more answers.

He simply walked through the wall, his arms crossed behind his back.

__________________________________________

He had checked everypony.

All of the Elements of Harmony were busy doing normal things. Even Pinkie Pie was sleeping. That was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.

Maybe he could just sit in town hall for a while.

___________________________________________

You'd think being trapped in stone for a thousand years would teach you patience.

To Discord: there is no such thing. Thinking about how to escape was what kept him down for all those years, and here he was again.

Thinking.

What did he do beforehoof/claw/paw? What had he done in those years of rule?

His mind concocted images of his history, remembering odd moments, seeing old faces, doing old things-

Wait.

Seeing old faces.....

His mind raced in memories. Anarchy!

Anarchy had been his right-hoof/claw/paw dragon. He had been... an interesting magician, turning himself into shadows to escape most situations was his favorite thing.

And that's what led him to entrapment.

Anarchy had been brilliantly captured by Princess Luna, being locked into stone like Discord.

Except his physical body had been discarded, and he was trapped in a gemstone, only to be released by those who absolutely wished to free him.
An absolutely terrible idea on Luna's part. Seriously, who designs something like that? Almost anypony could let him out!

But now the decision was made. Although Discord wasn't physical, he might have a high probability he can have enough of a desire to bleed through and free Anarchy...

........Why hadn't he thought of this before?
_____________________________________________

Can we please just leave her here?

You sure you really want to leave Dinky alone when she does this?

For Dinky? No. For me? Yes. This is a pointless thing to waste her time on! Why does she even care?

Well, you seemed to really enjoy softball when we were younger. When did that become useful?

Oh! It's starting! I'm so excited for the little filly!

Dinky planted both her hooves in the wooden floor, preparing her body for what was to come. Ponies shuffled in their seats, and Dinky cleared her throat, the sound ringing around the stadium. For such a young filly, she was already recruited into a choir. Not many fillies could pull that off.

But as the spotlight turned on, we saw no choir behind Dinky. The curtains were raised, so they weren't pulling that thing off. They were probably going to run out and do a bunch of back-flips or something.

She tilted the microphone toward her.

"I'm sorry everypony. It turns out that My whole choir forgot about this concert. We'll have to reschedule."

Wow. A groan rippled through the audience.

"You will be refunded for my team's carelessness. I'm sorry!" The disappointment died a bit at the mention of refunds, but because of Dinky's adorable and saddened voice, it was impossible for the noise to lower any more. Dinky cantered off the stage, ponies returning to the doors, having wasted their time for nothing.

Biggest. Fail. Ever.

*Sniffle* Why? All I wanted was a cupcake...

We were here for Dinky.

She's my cupcake...

Ditzy, don't you find it odd that Derpy literally thought sniffle?

That's completely unrelated to the situation!

Still, I find it funny.

Let's just check on Dinky to see what's going on. We stood up from our seat and headed down backstage.

__________________________________

We pushed open the front door, tossing out saddlebags on the couch as we entered. Derpy and I were sad that Dinky hadn't gotten a chance to perform, while Rina was too busy thinking about whatever, too self centered at the moment.

Hey!

We plopped onto the couch, staring at the ceiling. The light of sunset was being cast through the windows, casting the room in a perfectly orange glow. Although we were sad, the brightness of the color and its source were too distracting.

And then something that we all despised happened.

The worst thing that could ever happen, and we all knew it. Even Derpy despised it, especially when she was the source.

We got a song stuck in our head.

>>I'm so sorry, guys.<<

Ditzy! Why? Why did you think of that? It's orange outside! Not brown!

And then Derpy began to sing along, purely out of the need of a song.Chocolate Rain!

No, Derpy!

I have to agree with her. It's better to hear at least some song after that disappointment.

I didn't even care in the first place...

Author's Note

For the first time in centuries, I have updated a fic, and it didn't say anything important.
This was more of an "I can write again for the first time in months so I'll post something!" deal.
But anyway, what did you think? I'll probably edit last chapter to make more sense eventually, BUT HERE YOU GO.

Introduction

Hello, My name is Ditzarina Eleanor Doo.

My name is Ditzy Eleanor Doo.

My name is Derpy!

I-

We.

Right, we. WE have a multiple personality disorder. This is a special case though. While other D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder) ponies have only one personality aware at a time, we are fully aware of each other’s actions, and can communicate through thoughts. Whichever personality is in control of Eleanor (The body’s name) at any moment, can give control to another when she is done, or the one who wants control can steal the body if she can “Convince” the other to let her.

Ditzarina usually is the one “Convincing” us to give her control.

Because I’m the smartest.

No you’re… well, actually, yes you are, but I’m the most social! All Derpy does is… well, be Derpy.

I’m the cutest!

You have to admit, she is pretty cute.

We all have the same body, how can she be cuter? WE LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.

Yeah, but she makes an innocent, childish, appearance.

…Fine, you win.

Yay! I am best pony!

NOPONY SAID-

Rina, calm down!

But-

Derpy is just joining our conversation; don’t be angry at her for trying to be social… with herself…

This is sort of what it’s like in here. Imagine having your two little sisters following you around ALL THE TIME.

I’m the same age as you!

It was an example Ditzy.

Oh… Hey, wait a minute, are you saying-

Listen to us; we’re having pointless conversations in front of the only ones who can hear all three of us at once! We’re supposed to be telling the story about the invasion, and then the one about Fluttershy!

What happened to Fluttershy?

You know, the one with the stalker?

But that one didn’t actually happen!

The ponies listening don’t know that!

They do now.

What do you mean they do-… Derpy… I hate you.

What did I do?

That was a really good story.

You can still tell them!

But it won’t have the same affect.

I’m pretty sure they would have figured out it wasn’t real eventually.

I guess.

What? What did you guess? Did you guess right?

Can we please just start the story?! Ditz, would you do the honors?

I really hate it when you call me that… Ok, I’ll tell the first part, but you guys gotta tell when it’s your turn!

Alright, alright, just start before Derpy starts talking again-

What did I do before you start? Was there a theme song? I LOVE theme songs!

WILL YOU-

Rina! Stop it! Derpy, please be quiet until it is your turn to tell the story.

Okey dokey lokey!

Oh, Celestia, now she’s Pinkie Pie…

And so our story begins…