The Ugly Alicorn - Narrated by Morgan Freeman.

by KillJoy

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1321

A kindergartner tale not for kindergartners

The story read is written as if were for kindergartners, the content is not.

"So my little ponies, gather around and one of you may sit on my lap as I tell you the tale of the first black and red alicorn."

(Not to be taken seriously)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-11 00:40:10 UTC

I wasn't paid enough bits to narrate this

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a mother unicorn and a father unicorn. The couple was expecting a foal, a unicorn just as themselves, and the father couldn't have been any prouder as he awaited his beautiful offspring.

After five hours of gruesome labor, continuous screaming and agonizing pain -POOF- appeared the one colt. Just like that.

Magic.

"Something is wrong," said the father unicorn. Magic had obviously made a mistake. "How can this abomination be mine... his colors of black and red do not match ours, and he has wings!" the father exclaimed, left clueless as to wonder why the doctor suddenly left the room. Father unicorn finally had an answer. "You whore!" He accused his wife with a point of his hoof.

"No! No! As Celestia was my witness through each and everyday, I swear I have done no such thing to cheat on my beloved," exclaimed the accused mare.

"But then, if it's not you, then who?" The stallion asked, examining the little black and red alicorn.

"Maybe it is a blessing from Celestia?" Guessed the mother, cradling her foal.

"Neigh, this is a curse from Tartarus!" The stallion then proceeded towards the defenseless foal. "And as one, we must get rid of it!"

"No, I will not let you harm my son!" The exhausted mare protected her foal, far from the father's grasp.

"You dare give it a gender? It is an it! Not a colt, nor a mare, but an it!... but, if you must, he shall live in secrecy until the age of sixteen," warned the father, cracking his tail like a whip, setting the law.

The mother tilted her head in confusion. "Aren't ponies supposed to leave home at the age of eighteen?" She wondered.

"I can only withstand such black magic for so long," the father unicorn said, exiting through doors of the room to consult with the doctor.

The mother and her newborn were both left alone, to rest and to comfort one another. She sighed, glancing at it once more and said, "How did I fuck up this badly?" Well, the black and red pony certainly wasn't pretty, I mean... damn, if you saw that son of a bitch, all you could have said was "damn."

The innocent foal giggled, not understanding one word his mother had said. That poor, poor, ugly colt.

As the years went by, the poor ugly, ugly pony became more and more unhappy. His father departed before the rightful, promised age of sixteen, leaving both mother and son to survive by themselves. None of the ponies wanted to play with the young alicorn, he was so ugly and clumsy... and ugly, the kindergartners simply laughed, pointing their hooves as they continued their laughter.

Mirrors would break as he passed by, streams of water showing his reflection would suddenly evaporate into thin air. He felt sad and lonely, while the mother did her best to console him. His was truly a face only a mother can love.

At nights, the alicorn would look up to the stars and say, "Nopony loves me, they all tease me! Why am I so different than everypony else? Please, can I just get one answer?"

Princess Luna would hear the cries of the fellow alicorn, as she rearranged the cosmos into a response. "Because, you are a mistake! There are only supposed to be three alicorns, Celestia, Cadence and myself! Are you seriously the only pony who enjoys my night sky? Damn... I think I'm jealous of my sister... like, angry jealous... you know what? I'm sick of this,  Equestria can thank you for eternal darkness."

And three days later, because of the alicorn's pure ugliness, the events of Nightmare Moon occurred with that very same promise to shroud the land in eternal night.

~THE END ~

"--and that my little ponies is what really happened," Morgan Freeman said, closing the book of the true tales of The Mare in the Moon. Watching the class of foals before him, a tiny, lavender hoof rose from the listening crowd. Morgan Freeman smiled and called upon the filly. "Yes, Twilight?"

"But, Mr. Freeman, what happened to the ugly alicorn afterwards?" The curiosity driven Twilight Sparkle asked, once acknowledged.

"Well apparently, he was hated even more after somepony had found out that he had brought the events of Nightmare Moon upon Equestria. It was said, and actually hard to believe at that point in time, that somepony else truly adored the night,  following Luna's warning constellation towards the ugly alicorn... and well, heh, after she had found out, she told all of Ponyville about him. And of course, once that word had gotten out, it soon had spread to Canterlot, Manehattan and so on and so forth," Morgan Freeman explained, walking to the library shelves as he neatly tucked in the book.

"Oh... but urhm... Mr. Freeman, did he ever live a happy life? I mean... you know... afterwards?" Fluttershy asked, in a soft whisper hiding behind a filly Rarity.

"Ahahahaha, no, my dear pony," Morgan Freeman laughed, tearing up at her question. "Wasn't the answer obvious? He was stoned to death!"

Hearing the response, Fluttershy whimpered, squeaking with a reply as she sobbed into her hooves. "No..."

"Dear, dear, Fluttershy, don't worry, I'm sure he isn't suffering anymore," a filly white unicorn comforted the mare. "But Mr. Freeman, if he was the first black and red alicorn, why are there so many of those horrid creatures walking around Equestria? I mean, wasn't he supposed to be the only, and last of their kind?"

"Yeah, and what happened to his father?" Rainbow Dash interrupted, hovering in front of Rarity with continuous flaps of her cyan wings.

"Ah, well you see, I can answer both those questions," the tall, elder african american pulled out the same book by its borders, flipping through its contents. "It's said here, that when the father was younger, he himself was cursed with something called an STD."

"Sir, what's an STD?" A mint-green unicorn filly asked.

"Well, my dear Lyra, a STD is a type of black magic! And once the father had left his wife and son, with said curse, he had intercourse with many other mares, spreading the black magic all across Equestria, and thus -POOF!- red and black ponies, everywhere... magic truly is a marvelous thing," he smiled, chuckling with a small shake of his head. "Anymore questions?"

"OO! OOH! MEMEMEME! I HAVE ONE!" A vibrant pink filly jumped from the sitting crowd as she galloped to the front with the future Elements of Harmony. "If you're a human, how are you in Equestria, Mr. Freeman?"

"Hahahaha, that's a good one, little pink filly," he heartedly laughed, pulling the young filly to the side as he whispered. "If you never ask that question again, I shall grant you the powers to break the fourth wall."

"Huh?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head in confusion.

"Granted!" He exclaimed, with an electric slide and jazz hands, secretly giving Pinkie the powers to deny Physics. "Well, ta-ta, my little ponies, I must be off now!" The african american man said, waving a hand goodbye to the young foals. "And don't you ever forget little colts and fillies..."

Author's Note: Titty Sprinkles bit

Okay guys, this isn't really a chapter, but I kinda forgot to add this in... and also, this is where I got the Titty Sprinkles bit from... so, if you wanna ask this dude to narrate it, I don't know... you wanted it, but I wrote the story, so if you would kindly, you know... if you want to hear this, you can sorta ask him... he's a famous comedian... he would say no.

Anyways, Titty Sprinkles in link form, because I am not actually posting a video with Sprinkle censored breasteseses:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZbK2JQ\_cR4&feature=channel&list=UL