Author's Note

So I got really behind on writing thank you all for being patient with me. But I hope you all enjoy it ill try to get more chapters out ASAP

also question is there anything you guys wanna see in this story? I take suggestions

3, masking emotion

Few months ago

July 15

It was the middle of the night in hippogriffa, Lunas stars and moon twinkled In the night sky, and a tiny bit of light shined into a hippogriffs room.

Silverstreams room was dark besides the candle that was lit on her nightstand, She stared at the candle as she whimpered in pain.
There were tear stains on her face and her eyes were puffy red. She looked down at the knife in her claw, there was a little blood on it. Then she looked to her torso, She had hurt herself again it was right where her wing covered, where nobody would see it. She had been through this process before, She would have the urge to hurt herself, it didn't matter if she was spending the day with her mom in Seaquestira or with her dad in Mt Aris.

She had a simple process, when she had the urge to hurt herself she would go to her dads , make that urge go away and stay with her dad as long as it took the cut or burn to go away or at least go unnoticed by any creature. There were a few scars from previous cuts or burns but they were dull and pretty easy to miss if you weren't looking for them.

Silver looked at her wing that hung off her bed exposing her fresh cuts; she watched the blood drip from the side of her torso. It looked like it was about to drip onto her sheets.
shit she grabbed a towel from her night stand and cleaned up the blood before it fell onto her sheets. She then cleaned the cuts and put band-aids on them. She did a quick test to make sure the band-aids don't show when she closed her wings, as she did she winced in pain as her wing touched her cuts. She looked down and realized she still had the blade in her hand and it was still bloody. So she carefully and quietly got up from her bed, grabbed the candle, opened the door and made her way to the bathroom.
When she got there she quietly opened and closed the door and made sure to lock it. The hippogriff put the candle next to the sink and turned it on enough just so a little water would come out. She quickly cleaned off the blade, and used the candle to dry it, she looked at the blade that was just above the candle.

Maybe if i just

She was tempted, so tempted. it would be so easy to do one more.

Just one more, Just one more

She lifted up her other wing and looked at it, there were a few scars and some old cuts she could go over. She took a slow breath in and out as she put the blade to her skin again.

1... 2...3...4
, it felt horrible but amazing at the same time. She moved the blade a little to the left, as she did she saw a bit of blood come out, it hurt like hell but felt so good at the same time. She closed her wing feeling the new burning cut as she closed it, she cleaned the blade again and grabbed the candle.

When she opened the door to leave she was met with a cream colored face.

it was her brother
Her eyes widened, she knew what was about to go down.

"Silver what the hell where you just doing?"

Present day and time

"What?" Silverstream said acting confused. Smolder walked a bit closer, "you heard me" she uncrossed her arms and held out her claw "Show me your claw."

Silver didn't say anything and held out her uninjured claw. Smolder rolled her eyes "I mean the other one" She said, grabbing Silver's other talion. When she looked at it smolder saw 3 marks that had a mix of dried blood, dirt, and grass stains. While taking a closer look at it she also saw bandage marks on it, her eyes widened at what she saw "holy crap Silver what happened!" She asked not taking her eyes off the talion. Smolder had seen this happen before, it had just been in the beginning of the school year. She had seen Silver crying and that when Silver showed her talion to her and it looked pretty red , but it hadn't looked like this.

"I- i"
Shit Shit shit come on Sil think

" I don't know, it must have happened when I fell. I'll go to the dorm room and clean it up and get it wrapped." She tried to pull away from Smolder's grasps but unfortunately for her Smolder tightened her grip. "Don't lie to me Silver I can see the bandage marks so obviously this happened earlier! " Smolder took a breath in and with a calmer tone asked "So what happened."

Silverstream took a breath in and slowly let it out, "Well Seaspray was here earlier. And he came to talk about my grades like I had told you before, but he said I needed to do better and I don't know why but I have been so stressed out lately," Tears started forming in Silverstreams eyes as she stuttered while she talked. "Then when I got to the dorm room I started crying and I squished my claw really really hard that I accidentally went through skin and I'm so so so sorry I didn't tell you Smolder. I know you told me to tell you if it happens again i'm so so so sorry please don't be mad!" Silverstream began to breath heavily it looked like she was going to have a panic attack

“Silver Sliver Silver” Smolder wrapped sil into a tight hug hoping to calm her down "its ok its ok breath breath your ok."

After a few minutes Siverstreams breathing slowed back to a normal pace, "Smolder, are you mad?" She asked. Smolder then looked her right in the eye, “No i'm not mad but you can't push us away like that, you know its ok to ask for help.”

Silverstreams eyes began to water. She couldn't believe Smolder believed her lies, she felt bad for lying but she couldn't burden Smolder and the others with this, like her friends back in seaquestria said
``Other people have it way worse than you, you're a princess, stop pretending your life is so bad, you're so selfish.”

She couldn't let her in, she wouldn't let anybody in, her friends probably have way worse lives than her. She doesn't know what they're going through. She just needs to be there for them when they need it. She can figure it out herself, She's been masking her emotions for a long time she's not about stop that now, She allows a few things to slip out but not everything, “You never tell somebody everything, your going to regret it sooner or later because people don't know how to keep their mouths shut.” She had learned that the hard way when-.

“Silverstream?” Silver must have gotten lost in thought because somehow they were already back at the dorm and Smolder had just opened the door. “M what?” she said looking at the dragon, “you ok?” Smolder asked, walking into the dorm “ya sorry i zoned out” She explained, giving a fake giggle.

how are we already at the dorms

As they walked into the dorm room Silvers stomach let out a low rumble begging for food, she hadn’t eaten since lunch. She barely ate anything even then it was just half a sandwich. it was the lowest amount of food SHES been able to get away with since she’s been at the school, her mind was proud of it, her stomach not so much.

Oh I hope smolder didn’t hear that

“You what?” Smolder asked from the bathroom.

Kelp I said that out loud

“Never mind ima go to bed” Silverstream said making her way to her bed.

"wait" She heard Smolder say, "You sure your ok."

Silver smiled at how much her friend cared about her, its probably just fake

"ya im ok goodnight smolder."

"Night Silver."

Silver had one word to describe the way she felt when she woke up, and that word is blucky. Blucky is a mix between Blah and icky. It wasn't and foreign feeling she has felt it before. Weak, Tired, Drained, and just Blah. She had a love hate relationship with this feeling. and Right now was the hate. She felt to Blucky to get up but she did anyway. She could feel that empty feeling in her stomach that just yesterday had been begging for food, It still was but just in a more silent manner than before.

Silverstream waited for about 10 minutes untill she decided to get up. She pushed the covers off of her and got up and as she did she felt very dizzy. She couldn't see for a good minute but she still tried to walk almost tripping over her front legs.

After about two minutes the dizziness stopped and she could see again. She hated when that happened especially when she was with her friends, it made it even harder to pretend like everything was fine with some creature looking over her shoulder every five minutes.

Silverstream looked over at her alarm clock '10:30' had she really been asleep that long? Why hadn't Smolder or anybody else wake her up?

Im probably starting to annoy them

Silver looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, she had little eye bags, she looked so pale.
Jeez I dont just feel blucky I look blucky!

Silver slowly made her way down to her torso and flared her wings out trying to ignore the scares underneath. She looked at her body. she still hated it. But it did look better then before,
it had more of a slim shape than the other day. She started to rub part of her torso, she could feel her bones she couldn't see them but she could feel them. But damn she wishes she could see them too. She then smelled somthing it smelled like strawberries, she looked over to her desk and saw pancakes just sitting there. when the hell did those get there?
She saw a sticky note next to the food.

"for you when you wake up" - From the best guys ever

Silver chuckled at the note but when she looked back at the pancakes she frowned. why are they letting me eat? Do they want me to get fat? she looked at the pancakes then back to the mirror screw eating if i eat more i might gain weight, I'll have something later just not now.

She looked at herself in the mirror
how much have i lost? i hope its a lot

Silverstream grabbed the scale from under her bed, waited for it to turn on, then stepped on it.
Maybe after this is should go get a snack or som- Wait what the hell am I thinking no! I cant I might gain more

114

Silver smiled at this I lost a pound thats good, maybe I can reward myself by getting someth-
Ugh no 114 is ok but its not good enough It needs to be lower, way lower. Maybe if I workout a bit that could help!

8:30

Somehow in someway Sandbar and Gallus woke up and gone to the cafeteria before any of their other friends.

"How are we here before them" Gallus said putting his Breakfast tray onto the table.

"i dont know dude the girls are odd." Sandbar stated while sitting down and cutting into his pancakes.

There was silence between the to boys. Gallus looked at his friend who seemed to be in deep thought while eating his pancakes. "are you gonna do something for your birthday this year" he asked trying to break the silence, Gallus knew it might be a touchy subject but he had to try. "its in a week"

Sandbar looked up from his plate. "I don't know dude should I?"
"Well I think you should, you didnt celebrate last year or the first year we were here. From what you told me you haven't really done anything fun for your birthday since sh-"
Gallus was about to finish his sentence until he saw Sandbars face change into a frown. "sorry..''
"Its alright" Sandbar responded stabbing his fork into his last pancake. "Dude you keep avoiding the subject, you cant keep avoiding I know it might be hard but it might be good for old memories y'know."

Sandbar didnt say anything and just continued eating. "Plus I think she would want you to, She would want you to be happy."

"I know, I know" Sandbar stated, " But celebrating something I should be celebrating with her its just gonna-"
Sandbar sighed. "but your right."
"Im always right."

Sandbar rolled his eyes. "ya ya whatever listen maybe me, you and the girls can have a little celebration at my house and i'll let my parents know deal?."

"Deal" Gallus said with a smile "and I know your parents will be happy about you doing something to."

“Ya ya I know” Sandbar chuckled, after a second of thinking he had realized something. “ wait”

“What?” Gallus asked seeing the the scared expression on sandbars face. “What am I gonna tell the girls?”
Gallus lifted a brow not following what Sandbar was saying. “What do you mean just be like hey let’s all celeb-“

“No no no” Sandbar sighed “ I meannn they are gonna wonder why I didn’t celebrate for 2 years!”

Gallus thought for a second "Well you could tell them the truth, but I know that's not gonna happen"

"Ya obviously"

Gallus rolled his eyes "Anyway.....just tell them that with everything going on you just didnt wanna celebrate but since no magical issue has happened yet so you think its a good idea to celebrate."

"wow"
"What surprised I thought of such an amazing idea" Gallus Smerked
"No I'm just surprised your brain works before noon" He laughed.

Gallus broke off a piece of his food and threw it at Sandbar, Sandbar just laughed.

"I don't like you"

"you love me" Sandbar smiled,

"Whatever."

"So you really gonna do it?" Gallus asked, "Ya I guess" Sandbar admitted "I cant exactly ignore it forever y'know".
Gallus smiled "I'm proud of you dude."

"Thanks" Sandbar said taking another stab at his pancakes.

9:15 am

Ocellus is a very bright changeling, she knows a lot about Equestrian history due to the fact that as soon as the school gave them their history books she had read it all in one day. She is also a straight A student but she isn't only a gifted student, She also knows who likes who in what way and how people are feeling. For example she knows that Trixie and Starlight are defiantly a thing but its obvious their not open about it so for know she's keeping that little secret to herself, she knows there is something going on between her professors Applejack and Rainbowdash though she's not exactly sure on what it is yet.

And as of right now Ocellus is sitting in her dorm room along with her dorm mate Yona and Smolder. Ocellus was sitting at her desk while Yona was on her bed and they both watch Smolder pace around their dorm room.

"Ugh I just don't know what to do" Smolder huffed, "I wanna help but she won’t let us why won’t she just let us, whatever is going on we can fix it right?” Smolder looked over to Ocellus as if waiting for an answer,

"Oh umm I'm not really sure its hard to tell.." Smolder and Yona just looked at her confused. "What do you mean 'its hard to tell' your a changeling you should know how she feels!" Smolder was on the edge of yelling, "Dragon need to calm down Smolder shouldn't yell at friend she trying to help," Yona stated "Now friend apologize to Changeling and ask question in nicer voice." Yona looked at Smolder with a glare.

Smolder took a breath to calm down then looked at her friend "I'm sorry Celly I shouldn't be yelling at you this whole thing is just annoying . “ but are you able to tell if she’s depressed or something?”
Ocellus took a moment before explaining. "I'm honestly not sure I've tried but its kinda like her feelings are there but- its just- ugh im not sure how to explain this but its like I cant tell how she really feels, sometimes yes but most times no, it’s like she barred all her bad emotions so far down a Changeling can’t even tell."

Smolder and Yona just looked at eachother in confusion. Before Ocellus could explain any further there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" they said in unison

the door then opened showing Sandbar and Gallus on the other side holding 3 plates with pancakes on them , "ah look who decided to join us" Smolder commented "Galbar"

They both walked in setting down the pancakes on Ocellus desk. "shut up we brought you guys breakfast" Gallus said as he climbed on to the top bunk of the dorm "have you guys been in here all morning?" Sandbar asked sitting next to his girlfriend. "Smolder woke up Yak and Changeling to talk about something" Yona responded as Sandbar gave her a plate of pancakes.

"What where you guys talking about?"

"Smolder can actually wake up early?"

Smolder them proceeded to throw a piece of pancake at the top bunk as an attempt to hit the griffon occupying it. "missed me" Gallus called out while eating the piece of the pancake. "haha I licked that before I through it'' Smolder responded giving Gallus a Toothy Smile. the griffon rolled his eyes in response.

''Anywayyyy" Sandbar spoke "What were you psychos talking about?"

"was it about Silver?" Sandbar asked

The three girls froze and just looked at eachother "wh- wh- um what- what do you mean?" Smolder asked. "yknow she's been acting weird lately" Gallus explained. “It’s kinda scary, but whatever is happening I- we need to find out before Silver gets hurt she is to nice, sweet, optimistic, kind, adorable, and selfless” for something bad to happen to her.

Every-creature just looked at Gallus “what”
“Did Griffin just call Silver cute?”

“Ya I did and am I wrong no I’m not, do you have a problem with that?” He Stated

“Anyway besides the fact Gallus has a big crush on Sliver let me tell you guys how weird it was this morning” Everyone listened in, “ok somehow in someway I woke up before her and when I looked over to her she had tear stains on her eyes, I just let her keep sleeping cause I didn’t wanna bother her.”

“She was still asleep when we went in your dorm room” Gallus explained.
"We had gone into your dorm first and just saw her sleeping so we put the pancakes we brought her on her desk."
"Shes probably starving since she barely ate anything yesterday, did she eat dinner?"

"Im not sure, she calms she did but she might be lying”

“Well she did say she wasn’t feeling good” Ocellus remembered

"Then why did she go run around the track?" "She said she wanted to clear her head."
"Oh?" Gallus looked over to Sandbar who looked like he was deep in thought. "Sandy what do you think?"
Sandbar stayed silent for a second. Not eating alot, lashing out, being tired, working out alot, I know those signs I've seen those sign.

"Sandbar you good dude" Gallus asked. "I think we should watch her." All of his friends looked at him confused, "What buck do you mean by that?." "Gallus language!" Ocellus yelled, "what it was just a question."

"I mean we just make sure she eating enough, she’s been eating less and less” he looked around the room to each of his friends. "It just like a check up day but don't make it obvious ok."

Smolder got up from where she was sitting "I'll go see if she's up yet"
"ight" Gallus said "I have to go do homework." Everybody started walking out of the dorm "haha you have work I already did mine" Smolder mocked

“Shut it, go check on Silver” Gallus huffed
“Oh your just mad she’s not your girlfriend” Smolder laughed

Gallus ignored her and went to his dorm