“SPIKE!”

The harsh cry of his name startled him from his nap. He looked around his room, waiting for his eyes to focus. His door exploded open causing him to yell and dive behind his bed.

“SPIKE!”

His adrenaline filled, half-asleep brain recognized the voice, but it also failed to connect it to a face. He peered up over his bed and nopony was there. He did notice that his doors were intact despite the shattering sound he had heard. He padded out of his room rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and looked around in the hallway. It was empty. There wasn’t even a sou-

“SPIKE! I NEED YOUR HELP!”

He definitely recognized the voice. He started jogging toward it, still trying to connect the voice with a face. He turned a corner and saw a rainbow trail disappear into Twilight’s room. He ran up to the door and found Rainbow Dash standing at the foot of Twilight’s bed. She was just...staring at the bed like she was watching something.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash.”

“AH!” She jumped up to the ceiling and held herself aloft.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to scare you. What did you need?”

Rainbow Dash looked around as if to make sure no one was watching and slowly came down to meet him in the doorway. “I, uh, I need help with getting to know…” She trailed off and turned her head toward the bed again. She shook her head and turned back to look at Spike. “I need help with get-”

“Hey guys. Why are we all hanging out in Twilight’s room?” Starlight had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Of course, her room was on the same floor, so it made sense that she might walk by.

Spike turned to greet her, “Hey Starlight. Rainbow Dash was just looking for me. She needs me t-”

“HiStarlight!Wegottago!Bye!” Rainbow Dash grabbed Spike’s claw and flew off and out of the castle.
__________________________________

"This is weird, Rainbow. Like...really weird."

"I KNOW!" Rainbow Dash dumped the rest of her cider down her throat and slammed the mug down on the table. It clattered against several other mugs that had gathered over the past few hours.

Spike scratched the back of his neck and stared down into his half full mug. She brought him to the bar and started talking about a bunch of random things. Finally after three or four ciders, she got serious and started talking about Pinkie Pie. She talked about things she had done to Pinkie Pie and things Pinkie Pie had done to her. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to eat another cupcake in his life. And ever so painfully slowly, she got to revealing that she was attracted to Twllight. That she really wanted to make a serious effort to woo her. And that she would really appreciate any help he could give her, since he was closest to her.

He wanted to help his friend, but this particular issue was...not comfortable. He looked back up to Rainbow Dash. She was drunk. She couldn't even hold her head up anymore. It was drooping lower and lower. Her head shot up when the next mug was set in front of her.

"Maybe you should stop, Rainbow Dash. You said what you needed to say already, so you don't really need any more liquid courage."

A gleam appeared in her eye. She grabbed the new mug and tipped it back, chugging the whole thing with just a few gulps. She set the mug down gingerly with an over exaggerated sigh of satisfaction and looked Spike right in the eye.

"Not until you agree to help me."

It was Spike's turn to drain his mug. He set it on the table and stared at Rainbow Dash's smug face. "Fine. But if this makes my relationship with Twilight any weirder, I'm probably gonna burn your house down."

"That's fair." Rainbow Dash stood up and looked in the vague direction that she knew the bar to be. "Barkeep! Another round for my friend and me!"

Flitter rolled her eyes and jerked two more ciders off the tap. She flew them over and set them down in front of Spike, giving him a look. He hadn't been out drinking much, so he couldn't really read the mare. But he did sense the concern at least. He figured she was telling him to cut her off. He looked back to Rainbow who was clearly annoyed that her drink wasn't in front of her.

"Let me guess, these are for celebrating the fact that I agreed to help you. Right" His dry tone was not missed by Rainbow Dash. She reached over and swiped one of the mugs to her side, knocking one of the empties to the floor in the process. Thank goodness it didn't break.

"You're right, mister smarty pants. No need to gloat. But there's logic. We came here and started with sad drinking. Then we moved to weirdsville drinking. And now we get to finish with happy hopeful drinking."

Spike nodded his head, "That makes a lot of sense, actually. But we need to go after this. The barkeeper is getting annoyed." He pointed a claw over to Flitter staring at them while mixing other drinks.

"Oh ppffffhhh. Flitter's fine. She'll find someone to take home and blow off all the steam." Rainbow Dash looked over and gave her a smirk and a wave. Flitter stomped a hoof and turned to deliver some other drinks.

Spike rolled his eyes, "Anyway, what are we gonna drink to exactly?" Rainbow Dash tapped her chin for a minute as she tried to figure that out in her alcohol addled brain.

Then she raised her mug high and called out for the whole bar to hear, "To my friend Spike! He's one of the best friends a pony could ask for. May his knowledge and skills be ever useful and successful in his quest to help his friends!"

The bar exploded in cheers and applause as Spike and Rainbow chugged in tandem. One because she was so happy. The other because he was already regretting what he agreed to.

Author's Note

And here it is. The first chapter in this universe without sexy times.

I honestly never thought I'd write so much about our little purple dragon drinking.