Sunset vs the Neckbeard

Chapters

sunset vs the neckbeard day 1
sunset vs the neckbeard day 2
sunset vs the neckbeard day 3
Bonus Chapter the Great Appleville Fire

sunset vs the neckbeard day 1

Hallways of Canterlot High, Maine
Aug 30, 2015

It was the start of a new school year at CHS, which meant the 8th graders from the middle school that CHS shares a campus with are now high schoolers, the familiar faces of last year’s graduating class were gone, and Sunset was now a junior. The halls were crowded with students trying to find their lockers or trying to navigate the odd layout of the school. Given that some parts of the school dated back to the 1850’s, right after the Great Appleville Fire, and others dated back to just ten years ago, with many other renovations in between to accommodate the growing population, it didn’t surprise Sunset to see kids that looked horribly lost. Sunset had the spending of many nights breaking into the school to explore or go ghost hunting back in middle school to thank for not getting lost herself on her first day.

“Hey, where are you trying to go?”, Sunset asked after reaching for a lost looking male student.

“The pool.”, the male student replied.

“Okay, walk down that hallway and take your first left. Walk down the hall, and you should see a staircase to your right. Walk down those stairs, they will take you to the basement classrooms.” At that point the male student interrupted Sunset.

“There are basement classrooms?”, the male student asked.

Sunset, controlling her annoyance of being interrupted, replied with, “Yes, there are. They used to be storage rooms but they were converted to classrooms sometime in the 80’s. Now back to directions. Once you reach the bottom of the stairs, turn to your left and walk down the hall until you see double doors on your left. Those are the pool doors, and you’ll be right there.” Sunset finished just as the first bell rang.

“Thanks for your help.”, the male student quickly said.

“Anytime, bye.”, Sunset said, already turning to head to her locker.

If only she knew who was watching and what catching their attention would lead to.

Outside Sunset’s locker
About a minute later

Sunset had just finished sorting out her books and locker when the single nastiest smell Sunset had ever smelled assaulted her nose. It smelled like someone ran a marathon then bathed themselves in pasta sauce, meat that was well past its best by date, and mayonnaise that had been sitting out in the Arizona sun inside someone’s dirty gym sock for a week and then tried to cover it up with cheap cologne. Sunset could even note a small hint of shit under all that. Sunset spun around, closing her locker, and holding her book bag in her left hand and her nose and mouth with her right. What stood before her was what looked to be a small moon with terrible fashion sense, and it was then Sunset realized the smell was coming from the little moon boy. The boy looked to be 17 years old. He was about the same height as her at 5’ 10”, but he looked to be almost twice her weight. Sunset was not a small girl. She was a fencer and hockey player, so she had decent muscle on her and had a well distributed layer of fat to protect her from hits. This boy still dwarfed her and absolutely none of it was muscle. He was also as white as the paper in Sunset’s unused notebooks. Sunset knew that humans called caucasians white, but even her half Russian half British friend, Rarity, wasn’t actually white. Has this kid ever gone outside? Sunset asked herself in her head. The kid’s hair was a greasy, matted rat's nest. Another indicator that he hadn't washed. Maybe in years. Sunset tried and failed to banish that disturbing thought from her head. This kid's clothing didn’t help in making him look any better. He wore a graphic-T of some anime girls that barely covered his massive belly, cargo shorts with buttons that looked like they were holding on for dear life, and brown sandals with ogre green socks.

“Well hello there m’lady”, the boy said in the most stereotypical neckbeardy voice imaginable.

Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! This kid is a neckbeard. Koi Pond, her boss at the sushi restaurant, had warned her about these people. She said that Sunset being half Japanese and half white would make her an even more enticing target for them. What is this kid going to do? Is he gonna try and grope me, or is he just gonna try to talk me into his pants? Could I fight him off if he tries to touch me? My strike wouldn’t be able to get through that blubber. Run. Okay, if he tries to touch me, I run.

“My name is Obadiah Beard, and what is your name my fair lady?”, Obadiah said with an air of superiority.

More like obese diabetes. No, bad Sunset. He hasn’t actually done anything to you, so be nice. Except assault my ears, eyes, and nose. With that Sunset pulled herself back to reality. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”, she asked whilst bringing her hand down from her nose and mouth, instantly regretting it, but keeping it down to be polite.

“My name is Obadiah Beard, and I was asking you your name.”, he said with his hand out to shake.

There was no way in Tartarus or hell that she was going to shake that hand. “My name is Sunset Shimmer, and I really should be going to class now.” Before Obadiah could protest, Sunset was down the hall and around the corner.

Canterlot High cafeteria
Lunchtime

Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were sitting at their normal table waiting for their 7th member and group leader to join them when they spotted her walking towards them, acting strangely.

“Hey, does anyone else see Sunset sniffing the air, or do I need to see my shrink?”, asked Rainbow.

“Ah’d still recommend you get checked out, but you’re not hallucinating this. Ah see it too.”, AJ replied, earning a tongue spit from Rainbow.

“Ooor we’ve all gone crazy and are having a shared hallucination.”, Pinkie said, jumping up in her seat and earning a firm push back into her seat from Rarity, who is sitting to her right.

“It looks like she's looking for something.”, Fluttershy added quietly.

It was then Sunset had made her way to the table. Sitting down with a relieved breath.

“Sunny, you okay. You seem... off.”, Twilight said, trying to find the right words to describe the odd behavior.

Sunset slowly lifted her head up from its resting position “There’s a neckbeard in school, and he’s chosen me as his target.”

There was a mix of disgusted and worried looks coming from all the other girls, except Twilight.

“What’s a neck beard, and why has he targeted you?”, Twilight said. That earned her six surprised faces.

“How do you not know ‘bout neckbeards? You spend half y’r free time online.”, AJ asked, not hiding the surprise in her voice.

“Yeah, but not on social media. I’m mostly reading educational articles. Nothing about neckbeards.”, Twilight responded.

“Okay Twi, time for an info dump, neckbeards are white, creepy anime nerds with hygiene and social awareness being completely foreign concepts to them. They are commonly found wearing a fedora and/or a black trench coat, yes even in the summer, but this one isn’t. They are also, more often than not, extremely overweight. This one so definitely is. There are a few subtypes. This one appears to be the ‘M’lady’ subtype.”, Sunset said.

“Could be worse. At least he isn’t the ‘Misogynist’ subtype.”, Rainbow said.

“Or the ‘Vamp’ subtype. I know a guy that was bitten on the hand by a legbeard of that subtype, and he got tetanus from it.”, Pinkie added.

“Legbeards? Subtypes? - What?”, Twilight asked, even more confused.

“I’ll be happy to explain everything in more detail later, but for now, all you need to know is that they often target Japanese girls to chase after them as real life waifus, they rarely give up, and -” Sunset sniffed the air “Oh crap, he’s here.”

Lo and behold, the oh so ‘pleasant’ scent of teenagers in various states of wash and low quality food that has become synonymous with the cafeteria and affectionately named ‘Le Parfum’ was overpowered by what could best be described as Le Parfum’s ultimate form and that hit the room like a brick wall. The girls looked over to where Sinkus Ultimus was coming from, and there he was. Little moon boy was waddling his way to a table that was quickly becoming empty.

“Is that him?” one of Sunset’s friends said. She couldn’t tell which one with their voice being so muffled by how tightly they were covering their breathing bits.

“Yep”, Sunset replied back simply, not wanting to waste precious oxygen.

“Hey, kid! You with the cartoon girls on his shirt! What’s y’r name!?”, Granny Smith hollered over raucous. “My name is Obadiah, and they're anime, not cartoons!” He was now almost incomprehensible due to the food in his mouth. “Ya need ta take a shower. Ah can smell ya all the way over here.” “Fuck off, bitch. You can’t tell me what to do.”

So he’s entitled too. Great. “Did that little turd jus’ call ma granny a bitch?” Okay that was def’ AJ. “Hold on AJ. If he sees Sunset, that can make her situation worse. Just let your granny handle things.” Oh please, don’t get him lookin’ over here. “Fine.” Sunset sighed in relief and turned back to her food.

“A week of after school detention for you, starting today, and go take a shower.”, Granny barked. “Fuck you.”, Obadiah stupidly said. “Two weeks.” Instead of responding and getting himself more detention, he just grumbled and ate his food.

The rest of the cafeteria tried their best to finish their food while holding their breath.

History class
After lunch

Sunset was already seated near the back of the class, waiting for the rest of the students to finish piling in. She, unfortunately, didn’t share this class with any of her friends.

Once he thought everyone was in, the history teacher introduced himself “Hello class. I hope you’ve been having a good first day. Now, my name is Mr. Strudel O’Apple, but since there are so many O’Apples in this town, you can call me Mr. Strudel.”

“Hi, Mr. Strudel”, the class chimed in unison.

“Now then class, we are going to be learning about the Great Appleville Fire. Now as the name suggests-” Mr. Strudel was cut off when the classroom door swung open, hitting the wall with bang.

“Excuse me young man, but if you're going to be late, you could at least try and be quiet when entering the classroom.”, Mr. Strudel chastised.

“It’s not my fault. It’s such a long walk from the lunchroom to here.” it was Obadiah and he was whining like a spoiled 8 year old.

Don’t look at him. Don’t acknowledge him, and he’ll leave you alone. Sunset keeped repeating this mantra in her head.

“Really, we all got here on time, and we were all just in the cafeteria.”, Photo Finish said.

“You’re all just faster than me.”, Obadiah continued to whine.

“Aw, dwoes the widdle baby want some chweese with thwat wine.”, One of the other students remarked, making steam come out of Obadiah’s ears and most of the other students laugh.

“Okay, okay, everyone settle down. Mr. Beard, please go take your seat.”, Mr. Strudel conducted.

To Sunset’s horror, the only free seat was next to her. Obadiah proceeded to lower himself into the desk. Somehow he managed to not only squeeze himself into the small space but not collapse the structure under his massive weight. Can he bend reality like Pinkie? That's a horrifying thought.

“Okay now, as I was saying, class. The Great Appleville Fire occurred back when Canterville was named Appleville, after my family, the first family to settle here.” Anything else Mr. Strudel said was relegated to background noise when Sunset felt her shoulder being grabbed. Sunset whipped her head in the direction of the fool who would dare sully her perfect body with their unwanted touch. What she was met with was the bloated face of Obadiah. Sunset glared at Obadiah as if she was trying to set him on fire. She did, kinda, want to set him on fire, but with how greasy he is, he’d probably go up like a roman candle. Too much damage.

“Hey Sunset, what do you think of this class? Pretty boring, right. hehe”

Sunset didn’t respond to that. Instead she just said in the deepest, most threatening growl she could manage “Do, not, touch, me.” Sunset turned back to the front of the class and tried to pretend Obadiah wasn’t there.

“Hehe, sorry. So, I was thinking that maybe sometime soon we could go on a date.”, Obadaih said pitifully. “You should be paying attention to the teacher.”, Sunset said dryly. “But, do you want to go on a date?” “I have a girlfriend.” “Oh, you mean a friend who is a girl. I have some of those too. hehe”. That made Sunset pause. She couldn’t decide if he was being willfully ignorant or if he was just that stupid. Fuck this, he’s not gonna listen. Subnuclear option then.

Sunset raised her hand.

“Yes, Miss. Shimmer.” “Mr. Strudel, Obadiah won’t stop talking to me, and he’s being very distracting.” If this doesn’t get the message across then he’s being willfully ignorant. Nobody’s that stupid. Then again, maybe he’s a Keven too. That would change how I handle him. More observation needed. “Mr. Beard, you should be paying attention in class. Stop bothering Miss. Shimmer.” Mr. Strudel was about to continue the lesson when Sunset spoke up again. “Mr. Strudel, could I change seats with some?” “If you feel it necessary. Mr. Planet, would you please switch with Miss. Shimmer?” “Do I have to? Obadiah smells really bad.” “Please do. Miss. Shimmer, please take Mr. Planet’s seat.”

Both students got up to switch seats. As the two passed by each other, Sunset mouthed ‘sorry’ to Captain. As Captain sat down, Obadaih stared angrily at him. Captain just pulled his shirt over his nose and looked straight ahead at the teacher.

Out front of Canterlot High
End of the school day

As they do everyday, the Rainbooms met up in front of the portal statue before they needed to disperse.

“So, what’s everyone’s plans for the rest of the day?”, Pinkie asked in her usual bubbly voice.

“Home, chores, homework, bed.”, AJ said.

“Work, home, homework, bed.”, Rarity said.

“Same.”, Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Pinkie said.

“No video games?”, Sunset asked Rainbow with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m on my period. So, I’m going to bed early.”, Rainbow replied.

That got sympathetic nods from the rest of the girls.

“I’ve got work, then later I’m going to Sunset’s.”, Twilight said.

“Hmm, staying the night are we?”, Rainbow said in a mock sophisticated voice.

“Yes.”, Twilight said with a sharp, dry tone.

“I don’t have work today. So, I’m gonna go straight home and think up some anti-beard measures.”, Sunset said.

“That guy still causing ya trouble, Sunset?”, AJ asked.

Sunset turned her head to look directly at AJ. “He grabbed my shoulder and tried to ask me on a date during history class.” At this point Sunset turned her head forward again and became more animated. “He wouldn’t take “I have a girlfriend” for the ‘no’ that it is. I had to ask Mr. Strudel to move my seat.”

“Yikes, want me and Flutters to walk you home, Sunny? We can pick up Shy’s car and drive to work once you're home.”

“That would be great, Pinkie. Thank you girls.”

Fluttershy simply smiled and nodded

“What are friends for if not to help keep each other safe from creepy, smelly guys.”, Pinkie said. That earned a laugh from the rest of the girls.

“It’s ‘bout time we all get going. See y’all tomorrow.”, AJ said.

Goodbyes were exchanged, the couples kissed, Pinkie saluted to Sunset saying “Private Pie, reporting for duty.”, making the other girl smile, and everyone started to make their way to their destinations.

Fluttershy, Sunset, and Pinkie began their walk, Pinkie doing her best impression of a royal guard. About five minutes into their walk, the girls began to hear a wheezing sound. “What is that?”, Pinkie asked. Then the smell hit them. The three spun around to find Obadiah doing this waddle-run towards them. After the incident, none of them could exactly say why they didn’t break for the hills, but the general consensus was that they were stunned motionless by how pitiful he was and “Sunset didn’t run, so we didn’t run”. By the time he made it to within a couple of feet of them, Obadiah was doubled over, as doubled over a small planetoid could get, and sweating so much he looked like he was just in the rain. Or was that the grease? Sunset couldn't tell and did not want to find out. The girls’ faces were contorted onto some mixture of a ‘I just smelled a fart’ face and a ‘I just saw my grandpa’s balls’ face.

After a few moments, Obadiah managed to regain enough of his breath to wheeze out “Hi, Sunset.”

“Hi”, Sunset responded, brain still trying to process what she was seeing.

Now standing upright “Sorry if I intimidated you during class today. It’s easy for someone with my powers to be intimidating without meaning to be.”, Obadiah said.

He has powers? Brain finally working again, Sunset’s eyes gained a slight red glow to them as she tried to see if he had a magical aura. “I don’t see any signs of any powers.”, Sunset stated, more confused now.

“Of course you couldn’t see my powers. You’re just a mere mortal. Whereas I am the reincarnation of an ancient warrior given great magical powers to complete my mission.”, Obadiah said with his hands on where his hips should be and trying to look all high and mighty.

All three girls could feel their laughter rising in their chests. “So, you say you have a mission. What mission would that be?”, Sunset said, trying not to laugh.

“My mission is to bring about revolution and bring an end to the tyrannical reign of the United States government.”

That broke the dam. Sunset and Pinkie began uproariously laughing, while Fluttershy giggled into her hand. “This dude’s a 3%er.” HaHaHa “Are you serious?”, Pinkie said in between fits of laughter.

“Stop laughing at me. Stop laughing at me, or I’ll smite you with my powers.”, Obadiah whined.

Sunset’s laughing died down, and she took a step forward. “Okay then, smite me. Use your “magic” and smite me.”

“Well I, uuuh.”

“You can’t, can you. You don’t have magic, and you can’t use magic.” Sunset begins pulling back her sleeves. “But do you want to know who can use magic?”, Sunset held up her hands so they were framing her face, half open and palms facing her. Without waiting for him to answer she ignited her magic, lighting her hands on fire “Me, I am the most powerful magic user in the world.”, she finished, her voice cold as ice.

Obadiah’s face somehow went even whiter. He did an about-face and began waddle-running off in the opposite direction of the girls.

Sunset ended the spell and turned back to her friends. Pinkie was still laughing at the display, but Fluttershy had a more worried look on her face. “Do you think he’s okay? Are you sure you didn’t go overboard, Sunset?”, Fluttershy said.

“He’ll be fine. It’s not like I lit him on fire.”

“Okay, but are you also sure that you didn’t just make your situation worse? I mean, since he thinks he has special powers, and now he knows you do have special powers. Are you sure he won't double his efforts to get with you because of some dilution that your “shared” powers mean that the two of you are destined to be together.”

Sunset face palmed herself. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Don’t worry, Sunset. You’re not an idiot.”, Pinkie chimed in, “You just let your pride cloud your judgment for a second. It happens to the best of us. Besides, things always get worse before they get better. So by that logic, you just made a step in the right direction.”

Sunset sighed. “I just hope things don’t get too much worse.”

Pinkie surged. “Not much you can do about it now. Now start stepping to your house! Flutters and I are going to be late!”

“Oh shoot, right.” Sunset finished.

The three girls continued their walk. This time at a jog.

“You two go straight to your house, Fluttershy. I can make it home just fine.”, Sunset said.

“Okay, if you're sure, Sunny. Bye.”, Pinkie said

“Bye.”, Fluttershy said.

Katon family living room
Less than an hour before Twilight’s set to arrive

Sunset sat on her family’s couch. Magic journal and pen in hand. Kiba Katon, her dad’s seeing eye dog, to her left. Emi Katon, her little sister, to her right, playing on her hand held. Anzhong Katon, the girls’ father, was in the kitchen, preparing to make dinner. Brigid Katon, the girls’ mother, was in her office doing something work related. Brigid is a professor of anthropology, working at the local Canterville College. Sunset figured she was preparing her next lecture. Sunset, herself, had just finished describing the day’s events to Princess Twilight.

“And you’re saying that there are more of these people in your world.”, Twilight wrote.

“Yep, there’s an entire subreadit dedicated to encounters with these creeps.” Sunset and the others had already introduced the Princess to Readit at this point. “Oh, there are also beard subtypes.”

“You got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, do you want me to tell you the ones I know of?”

“Yes”

“Okay, so the one I’m dealing with is a combination of the ‘M’lady’ type (This type thinks they are respectful to women when they say that.), the ‘3%er’ type (This is a subtype of some other groups as well. They are the 3% of Americans that want to begin a revolution and overthrow the government.), and the ‘Chūnibyō’ type (Chūnibyō translates to 8th grader syndrome and is a Japanese colloquial term typically used to describe early teens who have convinced themselves that they have hidden knowledge or secret powers. A lot of people experience this, but it becomes a problem if they don’t grow out of it after they reach highschool.). There are also the ‘misogynist’ and ‘trench coat’ subtypes. Their names are self explanatory.”

“Yikes”

“That’s what Pinkie said.”

“So, what are your plans for dealing with him?”

“So far, he hasn’t done anything I can get the school involved over. As of now, I’m just gonna need to ride it out, plug my nose, and hold my vomit.”

“Hopefully the school can do something about the smell.”

“Oh, they are. I know for a fact that several complaints about Stinkus Ultimus were made to the principals. They’re gonna talk to his parents about it.”

“Stinkus Ultimus?”

“It’s what we call Obadiah’s smell.” It was then when the doorbell rang. “Gotta go. Twi’s here.”

“Okay, write to you later. The two of you have fun. ;p”

“You’re a horse’s uncle.” Sunset finished off with an insult that is much worse in Ponish.

sunset vs the neckbeard day 2

Sunset’s bedroom
Aug 31, 2015

The sound of her alarm rang through Sunset’s ears. Her initial attempts to block out the noise proved fruitless, until she remembered her ears were still on top of her head. The universe would not be so easily defeated in its attempts to wake Sunset up however. The cold air of the room bombarded Sunset’s body as the blankets that had once been covering her were now gone. It was not until Sunset’s favorite sound in the multiverse brushed her ears did she finally give into defeat and begin actually waking up.

“Good morning, Sunset.” her favorite sound came again, and Sunset looked up to see its source.

“I’m cold.”, she said in a childish tone.

“Well, you’ll be less cold once you get dressed. Now come on, we need to get ready for school.”

“Mmm, blanket.”

“Sunset, if you don’t start getting ready, I’m gonna teleport you into a cold bath.”, Twi said while walking down the stairs.

Knowing from past experience that this was no idle threat, Sunset sprang to life and began to chase after the purple feathered beauty. “I’m coming. I’m coming.”, she frantically said in her normal voice.

Canterlot High cafeteria
Lunchtime

Once again, the Rainbooms were sat around their usual creaky, old lunch table that probably hadn’t been replaced since the cafeteria was first added in the roaring 20’s; enjoying reject batch baked beans, vegetables that turn to green goo when stabbed, and meat that the school claims is beef - buuut; and experiencing the added company of Le Parfum.

The normal chatter at the table ceased when Stinkus Ultimus made its, and its owner’s, presence known. The seven girls all turned their heads to face the interloper who dared intrude upon the sacred lunchtime meeting ground of the Rainbooms decreed as such by the sacred highschool rights of highschool politics, dibs, and ‘this is where we’ve always sat’.

“Hi, Sunset. Can I talk to you in private?”

“No, you may absolutely not. Anything you could possibly need to say to me in private, you can say in front of my friends.”

“Okay, then mind if I sit here?”

“Actually yes, I do-” was all Sunset was able to say before Obadiah sat on the seat directly to Sunset’s left, causing the chair to screech like it was being murdered, “-mind.”, Sunset finished under her breath. "Until this is over, I need to sit in the middle." Sunset telepathically transmitted to her friends.

"Understood." They all replied across the link.

“I know what you did yesterday.”

“Oh, do you mean me embarrassing you and sending you waddling back to your mommy.” The other girls giggled at that, remembering their own memories or the telepathically transmitted memories Sunset gave them.

“You used your powers to block my powers after I called you a mere mortal, and that’s why I couldn’t smite you and your friends. I was mistaken when I called you that.”

“Hmm, yes, yes, you were.”

“I don't know why I was not able to sense it before. You are clearly like me, and this is why we should join together in marriage and power, destroy the United States government, and rule over this county as its rightful king and queen.”, Obadiah said in a grandiose tone that was filtered through his fatty face.

“No, thank you. I’m already one of the rulers of great land.” Thinking that this interaction was over, Sunset turned her head back to one she calls “the center of her universe”. The wannabe king was not pleased by this.

Obadiah stood up and began to shout. “What do you want me to do to prove to you that we are destined to be together?! Do you want me to fight her?! I’ll kill her if that’s what it takes?!”

It was that moment the world stopped. The cafeteria had already gone quiet due to Obadiah’s shouting, but now every insect, bird, mammal, and reptile around the school went quiet. Even the mechanical noises from the lights, kitchen, and sky seemed quieter. The air was completely still. You did not need to be magic to feel the power radiating off of Sunset. It billowed and rippled through space. The temperature in the room was rising. Sunset slowly stood up and turned to face Obadiah. Even though the two were the same height, at that moment, Sunset seemed to tower over him. Those who believe that an alicorn’s rage is the most terrifying force in the world are mistaken. The only thing more terrifying than an alicorn’s rage, is the rage of a teenage alicorn. The Rainbooms didn’t need any warning. They knew it was time to duck and cover their ears. With the full force of the royal Canterlot voice “How dare you threaten my beloved! How dare you even think that I would go out with you if you threatened my beloved! I wouldn’t go out with you even if I wasn’t in a relationship! You are absolutely disgusting! You’re covered in grease, you smell like rotting food and shit, and you can’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”, Sunset said, now trying to catch her breath.

“I-I-I-Its not my fault I’m too big to wipe!”, Obadiah shouted before waddle-stromming off.

That last statement stunned everyone else into continuing the silence for a few moments longer. The extended silence was finally broken by a simultaneous “ewww” from everybody in the lunchroom.

Second floor hallways of Canterlot High
5th period

Sunset was making her way back to class from the bathrooms. The class was AP physics. Meaning it was one of the few classes she shared with Twilight. Meaning she didn’t want to waste a single moment of that class, but alas, the Hershey squirts waited for no man, woman, or teenage demi-goddess, especially not ones caused by highschool cafeteria food. Sunset would bring her own food if it didn’t mean it would be cold. She did once try to use her powers to heat up her food, but that led to her melting the plastic container. The occasional clenched ass run to the bathroom is preferable to cleaning melted plastic off your hands.

Sunset was almost back to her class when Stinkus Ultimus Shitus hit her nose. Sunset rounded the corner, only to see the shit-meister himself. “What do you want now?” Sunset was tempted to use one of the many colorful nicknames he gained after the incident in the cafeteria, but decided not to. She just wanted to get back to Twilight.

“You humiliated me in front of the entire school.”, Obadiah barked.

“Half the school. Only half of the student body can fit in the cafeteria at a time.”, Sunset corrected.

“Whatever! You will fight me for your honor. Right here, right now.”

“What, you don’t want anybody else watching? Is it because you know you’ll lose horribly?”, Sunset teased.

“Fight me!”

Sunset just shrugged. “As you wish.”

Obadiah immediately charged towards Sunset. Sunset just sidestepped the attack. Obadiah tripped and tumbled to the floor, landing with a resounding thud. That probably could’ve been picked up on the Richter scale. With a great deal of effort, Obadiah managed to stand back up. When he turned around to face Sunset again, blood was gushing from his nose, and he looked to be on the verge of crying.

“Dude, you should go to the nurse’s office.”

“No, this fight is not over!” Obadiah began clenching his nose and started crying.

Being completely done with his bullshit, Sunset walked over to Obadiah and lightly push-kicked him in his stomach, sending him to his ass. “Now this fight is over.” Sunset then turned back to finish walking to class.

“Get back here! This is not finished!”, Obadiah screamed. Sunset just ignored him.

Band room of Canterlot High
After school

Sunset had told the rest of the Rainbooms about her encounter with Obadiah in the hallway. She had already called her parents and was now waiting for her name to be called over the intercom.

“Maybe he was too embarrassed from being beaten by a girl that he didn’t tell his mom.”, Rainbow said.

“Doubt so. He was crying like a baby during the fight. He probably called his mom the moment he got to the nurse’s office.”, Sunset said.

"Sunset Shimmer to the principal’s office." was then heard over the intercom shortly after.

“Told ya.” was all Sunset said before walking out the door and to the shit show that was about to ensue.

Hallway outside of the principal’s office
About two minutes later

Sunset hadn’t even reached the principal’s door, and she could already hear a woman shouting up a storm. “I want that girl expelled! I’m going to press charges!” were but a few of the nasty things the woman was saying.

“Hmm, it’s been over two years since I was last called to your principal’s office.”, Anzhong said in his usual gentle, Japanese accented voice. Seemingly from out of nowhere, Anzhong and Kiba were now standing right next to Sunset.

“Yeah, sorry about this. I-” was all Sunset could get out before her father interrupted her.

“Sunset, you have nothing to apologize for. You have grown a lot in these last two years, and I know that any fight you get involved in, is a fight worth having.”

Sunset breathed in deeply before saying “Thank you.”.

With a warm smile on his face “Now, let’s go inside before mama Beard breaks something.”, Anzhong said. That got Sunset to chuckle.

As the two opened the door, they felt the need to cover their ears and Kiba did her best to flatten her ears against her head; the woman was screaming so loud. “Good, now everyone’s here.” Principal Celestia could barely be heard over the raving woman. “Now, can everyone please have a seat? Ma’am, can you please have- Ma’am!” With the woman not listening, Principal Celestia decided to pull out her ultimate weapon. Principal Celestia may not have the royal Canterlot voice, but she does have something just as good. Principal Celestia placed both index fingers into her mouth and proceeded to make a sound that could best be described as a boiling kettle put next to a megaphone.

With the woman now silent and everyone’s ears sufficiently ringing, Principal Celestia spoke again. “Now everyone, take a seat, please.” The woman took her seat as Sunset, Kiba, and Anzhong walked over to the two remaining seats.

Once seated, Sunset got a good look at the woman. She was surprisingly fit. Sunset was expecting her to be as big as her son, but she looks like she runs and bathes regularly. That still didn’t make the ugly, neon pink tracksuit she’s wearing look any better. That was all the info Sunset could obtain before the lady became physically painful to look at.

“Now, does everyone know why they are here?”, Principal Celestia asked.

“She punched me.”, Obadiah whined.

“Ew, gross, no. You’re too disgusting to punch.”, Sunset said, offended.

“That’s enough.”, Principal Celestia said in a commanding voice “Obadiah, please tell your side of the story.

“At lunch today, I asked Sunset if she wanted to go out with me, and she just blew up at me and started calling me really mean names. Later, I went to ask her for an apology, and she attacked me. She gave me a bloody nose.”, Obadiah said, still whining and pointing to his bloody nose.

“See? I want that girl suspended and arrested.”, Mama Beard demanded.

Celestia merely raised her hand and turned to Sunset. “Sunset?”, Principal Celestia asked.

“What he said was mostly true, but he omitted all of yesterday and most of what he said today.” Sunset began her story, retelling every incident from the day before, minus the part about her using magic.

“You’re a liar and a bitch!”, Mama Beard shouted.

“No, I’m a guitarist and a witch. Get your facts straight, lady.”, Sunset retorted with a smirk.

“Ma’am, be quiet and sit down, or I’ll call the school’s resource officer!”, Principal Celestia commanded.

Mama Beard sat back down but continued to glare at Sunset. Anzhong remained silent. Waiting for when he was needed.

“Now, back to what I was saying. Obadiah did ask me out, but in this mega delusional way of how we would conquer the US and become king and queen. He also threatened to kill Twilight, and that’s why I was shouting at him. The fight during 5th period happened when we were alone in the hallway. He blocked my way to class, and he challenged me to a fight. The events of the fight went as follows: he charged at me first with what I would barely call a punch, I side stepped him, he tripped over himself and fell to the floor, that’s where the bloody nose is from, he got back up but was too busy crying to continue the fight, he demanded the fight go on, and that’s when I push kicked him to the floor. After that I went back to class.”, Sunset finished.

“See! That bitch assaulted my son! I want her expelled and arrested!”, Mama Beard shouted.

“Mrs. Beard, your son threatened to kill another student! This school takes threats like that very seriously. We also have cameras in the hallways, and there have been several witnesses to all the other events. This meeting was merely a formality. Your son is suspended, pending explosion, effective immediately. Sunset, you will have to attend detention this week for fighting.”, Principal Celestia said.

Sunset just shrugged her shoulders.

This is when Anzhong spoke up. “I would like a copy of the video and witness statements. I plan on pressing charges.

“That will require a warrant. Once you get that I will happily give them to you.”, Principal Celestia said.

“You can’t do that to my son! I’ll sue.”, Mama Beard screeched.

“I very much can. I work for the DA’s office. I’ll hear you in court. I think it’s time for us to go home, Sunset.”, Anzhong said, never once raising his voice.

The father and daughter pair began to make their way out. When the two were halfway to the door, Mrs. Bread jumped from her seat and made a grab for Sunset’s hair. When Mrs. Bread’s hand came close to Sunset, Anzhong struck her wrist with his cane with enough force to leave a mark and would later bruise. Anzhong’s cane is actually a jō staff “disguised” as a cane. It's heavy and hard enough to leave someone with broken bones.

Turning to face the foolish woman, Anzhong spoke in a low voice that could chill a wendigo to it’s bones “I would like the security footage of this room as well, please.”

“Of course.”, Principal Celestia responded.

“We will be leaving now.” With that, Anzhong turned back to leave. Sunset turned her head to face the Beards and gave them a knowing, predatory, fang filled smile.

Katon family living room
5:30 p.m.

“She did ‘hat?!”, Sunset’s mother shouted in her thick Irish accent.

“Mrs. Beard-”, Sunset’s father tried to repeat before he was cut off.

“Ah ‘eard wha’ ya said. Ah jus’ find it almos’ impossible ta believe ‘hat someone would be so stupid as ta attack our daughte’ in fron’ of a mandated reporte’.”, she said, still enraged but not shouting.

Sunset has always been amazed by how her parents were nearly complete opposites but have been happily married for nearly fifteen years. Brigid was a typical Irish woman: loud, bold, and aggressive. Anzhong was a typical ninja: quiet, reserved, and avoids confrontation. Brigid wears bright reds and other light colors. Anzhong wears dark blues and blacks. Brigid has fire engine red, long, very curly hair. Anzhong has short, straight, blue hair that could be mistaken for black in low light. Anzhong is short and slim. Brigid is tall and broad. Anzhong is a trained fighter of many martial arts. Brigid learned how to fight on the streets during the Troubles. The only things not complete opposites about them are their intelligences and loving hearts.

“The good thing is that both assaults were captured on video surveillance. The boy will not likely be incarcerated. The mother on the other hand. I have her for attempted assault of a minor and aiding in the delinquency of a minor.”, Anzhong said.

“Y’r not gonna get inta trouble for whacking the Karen, right?”, Emi asked.

“I’ll be fine. I acted in defence of my daughter. I’m, as they say, in the clear. Although, the defence attorney might use that as an excuse to lighten her sentence.”, Anzhong answered his younger daughter.

“Have ya already filed da police report, or do ya need me ta drive ya ta da station?”, Brigid asked her husband.

“I do need a ride to the station. Thank you.”, Anzhong replied.

“I offered Dad a ride, but he said “I'd rather not ride on that deathtrap.”. I, personally, have never been so offended in my life.”, Sunset said in a joking tone. “I’ll call Kiba in.”, Sunset said in her normal tone.

Sunset began to go through the motions of bringing Kiba in. Open door, call Kiba, get out of the way, pata pata bang, close door, Kiba’s in. Sunset turned to look at the dog that was now splattered against the side of the kitchen counter like a cartoon. “Come on, Kiba. Time for work.”, she said. With that, Kiba got up and began walking over to where her harness is kept.

Anzhong and Brigid began making their way there as well. “We’ll be back within an hour. I’ll start making dinner then. Sunset, you can go ahead and get Emi and yourself a snack. Emi, start on your homework.”, Anzhong said.

“Got it.”, Sunset said.

“Fiiine.”, Emi said.

sunset vs the neckbeard day 3

First floor halls of Canterlot High
Sep 3, 2015, Before the first bell

Sunset had gotten to school early to ask Principal Celestia if Mama Beard had tried anything else. Sunset was a bit better educated on the lunacy of entitled parents due to her mom being a college professor. The only type of parent college professors deal with are crazy, entitled ones. When Sunset reached Principal Celestia’s door, she gave her signature four nocks. I wonder if each student has their own nock. Can Celestia tell each of us apart by our nocks? Everyone I know has their own unique nock. I wonder if that remains consistent with a larger sample size? Sunset was pulled from her musings by a ‘come in’. She entered into Principal Celestia’s office and was pleasantly surprised to see Vice Principal Luna in there as well.

“Good, you’re both here. That’s not something I’d normally say. Any way I was wondering-”, Sunset said but was cut off.

“You were wondering if Mrs. Beard tried anything over the weekend.”, Principal Celestia said.

“Have I really become that predictable?”, Sunset asked, half offended.

“We’ve made it a point to learn how to predict you and your antics.”, Vice Principal Luna said.

“Killjoys.”, Sunset said.

“Ehem, to answer your question. Yes, Mrs. Beard made a complaint about me and Kiba to the school board. That was a fun call to receive. “Yes Mr. school board president, there was a dog on campus. The dog was one of the parent’s seeing eye dog. No, I did not make him prove he was blind. I know he’s blind because he has a seeing eye dog”. She also threatened to sue the school and me personally. Sigh, gotta love dealing with crazy.”, Principal Celestia said.

“Hff. Yep, favorite time of the day.”, Sunset commented sarcastically. It was at that time the first bell rang. “Gotta go. Thanks for the info.” With that, Sunset left the room and started heading to her first class of the day.

Basement halls of Canterlot High
After school

Today had been a good, quiet day at school, for the most part. Sunset had managed to make a huge mess of the sports gear supply room. Master of ninjutsu and stealth, yes, human wrecking ball, also yes. Sunset had tripped over - something, crashed into a large shelving unit, and caused it to fall over, causing a domino effect for a third of the shelving units in the room. Luckily no one got hurt. Apparently the room got flooded back in the 70’s, and nearly 50 years of rust ate through the bolts attaching the shelves to the ground. Sunset stayed late to help clean up the mess, and that’s why she’s still in the school at this hour. Sunset was almost to the stairs that lead up to the ground floor when she saw something that threatened to make her eyes bleed. There was Mama Beard, wearing a neon yellow tracksuit, at the end of the hallway, blocking Sunset’s path.

This can’t be good. “Hello, Mrs. Beard. Is there something I can help you with?”, Sunset asked.

“You bitchy whore broke my son’s heart and got him expelled! Now, you’re going to retract everything you said, apologize, and start going out with him!”, Mama Beard screeched, getting closer to Sunset.

Okay, arguing: bad idea. Being a smart ass: bad idea. Every person in the building: me, her, one janitor. Our location: down stairs. Location of janitor: up stairs. Weapons: me, none; her, unknown. Exits: locker rooms. Course of action decided.

With her plan of action, Sunset made a break for the locker rooms. Out of all the sections of the school, the underground sections are the most confusing. Sunset used this to her advantage, taking the most convoluted path she knew to the locker rooms. Sunset didn’t want to risk the woman being faster than her. She hoped by doing this the woman would get lost, and Sunset could lose her. Unfortunately, the woman was keeping up with Sunset. Crap, I can’t lose her. That put a wrench into Sunset’s plan. She won’t be able to pick up any real speed until she’s on less slippery terrain. Wings are also a bad option due to the narrow corridors. That’s when an idea struck her. Sunset made a beeline for the pool, the only space large enough for her to fly down there.

As soon as she passed the pool doors, Sunset ponied-up and took flight. She positioned herself over the pool but not high up. Sunset wanted to be relatively eye level with Mrs. Beard while she talked to her.

It was only a couple moments later when Mrs. Beard came barreling in. The sight before her stunning Mrs. Beard.

Sunset smirked. Perfect. “Hello, Mrs. Beard. Are you ready to talk now?”, Sunset said.

“How the hell are you doing this? I bet you got wires. What’s your end goal with this? To make me beg for forgiveness thinking you’re an angel. Well, it’s not going to work! I know that this is some trick!”, Mrs. Beard said while getting progressively louder.

“No tricks, and no, I’m not an angel either. I just wanted to talk, where you won’t be able to do whatever you were planning. Oh, and if you pull a gun, I’ll kill you.”, Sunset said in her most regal voice.

It was only then did Mama Beard realize where she was and where, exactly, Sunset was. Sunset was three feet out over the water. She couldn’t reach Sunset without falling into the water. “What do you want to talk about?”, Mrs. Beard grumbled.

“That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say.”, Sunset said. Now I just need to make her see reason. “Both you and your son need serious mental help.”

“I don’t need-!”

“SILENCE! It is my turn to speak. You will get your turn. Starting with Obadiah. No sane person raves about using their powers, they got from being a reincarnation of an ancient warrior, to take over the US with any seriousness. He should’ve grown out of it by now. As for you, attacking a child on school grounds, breaking into the school- whoa.”, Sunset was cut off by Mrs. Beard jumping to grab her.

Sunset moved up and back out of instinct, keeping her well out of reach of Mrs. Beard. Mrs. Beard hit the water with a swap and splash, and Sunset made a ‘I am so done with this face’. Mrs. Beard resurfaced after a couple seconds, looking even angrier.

“Here, I’ll help you out.”, Sunset said while reaching down towards Mrs. Beard.

“Don’t touch me you freak!”, Mrs. Beard shrieked while batting Sunset’s hand away.

“Fine, have it your way.”, Sunset said. She decided to stick around for a bit, not confident in Mrs. Beard’s ability to swim, especially with a water logged tracksuit weighing her down. Before too long, Sunset’s suspicions were proving themselves correct. Mrs. Beard began having trouble keeping herself afloat. “Do you want my help now?” Sunset reached for Mrs. Beard again.

“You keep your filthy hands off me, you dyke.”, Mrs. Beard said, spitting up water.

“Wow.” No one, outside of her girls, had ever called Sunset that before. The feelings that were brought up from being called that in a malicious manner were interesting, but she’d explore them later. “Interesting you call me that when you’re the one filling up with water.”, Sunset said mockingly.

Mrs. Beard had no response.

Growing bored with the situation, Sunset flew over to the pool’s flotation ring and tossed it to Mrs. Beard. Sunset walked back over to the pool’s edge, and as soon as she saw Mrs. Beard was holding onto the floatation ring, Sunset took a photo of her.

“What are you doing? Delete that photo right now!”, Mrs. Beard said.

“We’re in a public space, lady. I can take as many photos as I want. Interesting how ‘lady’ can be derogatory or very respectful, depending on the context and who’s using the word. Isn’t English wonderful?”, Sunset said in an obviously fake bubbly voice.

“You’re retaliating for me calling you a dyke! Stop that, this instant!”

“You’re right. I am retaliating for you calling me a dyke, and don’t worry. I’ll stop now. I already got your confession on tape. That officially makes this a hate crime.” Sunset had been recording the conversation since she took Mrs. Beard’s photo.

“You can’t record me without my consent! That’s illegal!”

“Actually no, it isn’t illegal for me to record this conversation. Maine is a single-party-consent state, and I have my consent. Now, I shall take my leave, and again don’t worry. I’ll be sending the police down here. They can help get you out of the pool.”

With all that done, Sunset began making her way back to where she was trying to get in the first place.

Canterlot High’s front lobby
5-ish minutes later

As soon as Sunset left the school’s basement, she checked her phone to see if she had any missed calls or texts, can’t get a signal in the basement, and oh boy did she. She had several missed calls from her mom. That wasn’t surprising, considering how late it had gotten. It was going to be more annoying than anything else to calm her mom down. Sunset knew where she was coming from, and she was right to get freaked out. That, however, didn’t change the fact that calming her mother down was a process.

Sunset had barely finished getting through the doors, when she was pulled into what would have been a bone shattering hug, if not for her increased durability. Up side of alicorn durability: I’m not suffocating. Down side: mom’s hugs can go one for longer. Once being let go, Sunset filled Brigid in on what happened.

“So, wha' do ya wanna do?”, Brigid asked.

“The plan’s to call the police, wait here for them, send them a video I recorded, and let them deal with the crazy lady.”, Sunset said.

“Sound’s good. ‘Hat’s in da video?”

“Mrs. Beard’s confession to calling me a ‘dyke’. Don’t.”

“Ya don’ even know wha' Ah’m gonna do.”

“You were going to go down there and go all ‘Irish mama bear’ on the Karen.”

“Okay, ya know wha' Ah was gonna do.” That made Sunset smirk.

Fast forward through a phone call and 15 minutes, two police cars with three police officers showed up. After receiving a basic rundown of the situation and directions, two of the officers entered the school to arrest Mrs. Beard, and the remaining officer is got the lowdown from Sunset.

“That’s when she lunged to grab me. I got out of the way, and she went into the pool. I tried to help her out of the pool, but she refused and called me a ‘dyke’. I have a recording of her confessing to that, and I gave her the floatation ring and left.”, Sunset recounted to the cop. That was technically the truth. She just left out ponying-up and where she was relative to the pool and let the cop fill in the blanks.

“Okay, if I give you my email, can you send it to me?”, Officer Spear Head asked.

“That's why I got it.”, Sunset said. With that, Officer Head wrote down the email and gave it to Sunset.

A couple minutes later, the two other cops came out with a dripping wet Mrs. Beard, shrieking like she was possessed. “Assault! Assault! This is an unlawful arrest! Assault!” Mrs. Beard then turned her head to face the other present trio. “Arrest her! She’s a demon! Show them! Show them what you really are!” Mrs. Beard continued to be dragged away, turning back to shout at her escorts once too far away to see Sunset. “Unhand me! I’ll sue you and you and this whole city into the ground!”

“Ma’am, you have the right to remain silent, and I highly recommend you exercise that right-”, one of the officers began reading Mrs. Beard her Miranda Rights.

“Why is it that whenever there’s trouble, you and your friends are somehow involved?”, Officer Spear Head asked in a more casual tone.

“It’s a gift”, Sunset retorted. “Plus, we do have a tendency to make ourselves involved.”

“Shinie’s right. You seven are going to be the cause of the apocalypse. I guess I’ll see you and your dad in the courtroom.”, Officer Spear Head finished, before heading back to his car.

With that debacle over with, Sunset and Brigid made their way home. “Ya now, I think I actually prefer T-rex mama. At least she wasn’t vindictive.”, Sunset mused.

Brigid shuttered at the memory that brought up. “Uhg, fuck dem dinos. No more dinos.”, Brigid grumbled while Sunset giggled.

Sunset’s bedroom
11:00 pm

Once the mother, daughter pair got home, Sunset told her dad what had happened. For the first time in four years, Sunset saw Anzhong’s face turn red. Those sayings about ‘the fury of a patient man’ are very true. Emi even signed “You get the top. I’ll get the bottom.” to Sunset, in case they needed to grab him, and Kiba hid upstairs like the “heroic and brave” dog she is. Luckily, no such actions were needed, as they merely had extra creamy mashed potatoes that night.

Fast forward to now, Sunset has informed Princess Twilight of the events of the last two days and was now, basically, giving her a lesson on US law. “So this first amendment thing prevents you from charging him with treason?”, Twilight asked.

“Correct, he didn't make any direct threats to the president’s life or take any action towards that goal.”

“So, what are you going to be able to charge them with?”

“We’ll be able to charge Obadiah with harassment and assault and Mrs. Beard with assault of a minor, breaking n’ enter, aiding to the delinquency of a minor, and resisting arrest.”

“What will that get them?”

“Depending on if he’s tried as an adult or not, Obadiah could face anywhere from community service to prison time and a fine. Mrs. Beard is definitely going to prison.”

“Is your dad going to be taking the case?”

“Maybe, It’s up to the state.”

“This has got to be the craziest non-magical thing I know happened to you. Is this the craziest non-magical thing that happened to you?”

“Yeah, it was really crazy, but I’ve dealt with worse. In a couple of months, this will be just another stone at the bottom of the pond of life.”

“Nice metaphor.”

“Thanks. My mom taught it to me. Helps a lot with trauma. It’s getting late. I’ll write you soon.”

“Bye, Sunset.”

Bonus Chapter the Great Appleville Fire

The Great Appleville Fire started on August 31, 1847. The fire started in the principal’s office of the Appleville school building. During the middle of the school day, the nearly 200 year old stove exploded, catching the school principal in the initial blast. The fire blocked off the only entrance to the school and quickly spread through the rest of the structure, forcing teachers to break open windows and lower the children out. For classroom number one, however, it was already too late. Of the five classrooms, classroom number one was the closest to the office. The flames had already engulfed two of the classroom walls, so when the teacher broke the glass, that caused the fire to chase the fresh oxygen. The entire class of 15 students and the teacher were killed. The other 60 students and four teachers were able to make it out of the building and to safety.

The fire jumped from the building to the dry grass and began spreading to the nearby fields and community. The village of Appleville never had an official fire brigade. It was left up to hastily assembled bucket brigades to take care of any fires in the village. This proved to be Appleville’s undoing as no matter how many bucket brigades were formed, they could not keep up with the fire. The village mayor requested aid from the nearby Canterlot City, but they did not make it in time to save the buildings or fields.

By the time the fire was put out, the only thing left of what they had built over the last 200 years were the tombstones in the graveyard and the chapel building. The 2,137 remaining residents were left with nothing. Their homes and fields were nothing but ash and 15 of their children and two of their neighbors were dead. The villagers only had the fortune to not lose anyone else to the fire.

However, not all hope was lost. The City of Canterlot provided shelter and food for the survivors and gave as much support as they needed to rebuild. As thanks for the help of Canterlot, the new town was named Canterville and the new school, the Canterlot school building (later changed to Canterlot High and Middle school). Once the two towns had expanded to the point where they both met, Canterville became a suburb of Canterlot.

The surviving chapel building still stands today as the Appleville Memorial Museum. It serves as a memorial to those who were lost in the fire and to preserve the memory of the original village.

The new school was built on the same site as the original school. It is said that even to this day if you go into the oldest part of the school at night, you can hear the sounds of young children or the sound of the stove exploding. If you get a whiff of burning flesh, that means the ghost of the old principal is near. Those who have seen him have said that he can barely be recognized as ever once being human. With his skin being so badly burnt it looks as black as the shadows, his missing eye, the deep gashes that still bleed, and the bits of stove and wood jutting out from where they are still embedded in his ghostly body, the only remaining human looking part of him is his brilliant blue eye. So many members of the night staff have quit due to witnessing these apparitions that it is now school policy to not go into or let anyone into any part of the school, built before the 1900’s, after dark.