Michael Bay Presents: A Michael Bay Production: My Little Pony: Explosions are Magic

by neutralmilk

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 3296

Ponies + Explosions. All in the mind of everyone's favorite director: Michael Bay

What would happen if My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic were to become a full length movie? Pure amazingness, that's what.
Now, what would happen if everyone's favorite director Michael Bay took the reins? Nothing good, that's for sure.

Special thanks to Gadgetphile for helping edit.

Published 2014-09-12 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-12 19:20:02 UTC

Directed by Michael Bay

Michael Bay Presents: A Michael Bay Production: My Little Pony: Explosions are Magic (Directed by Michael Bay)
by neutralmilk

It was a truly perfect day in Ponyville.

Save for the screams of terror that echoed throughout the streets as the sky slowly began to blacken, the only light being emitted by a blood-red sun. Ponies scrambled through the streets en masse, their eyes frantically glancing about their decimated town. The smell of smoke filled the air, only slightly masking the odor of death.

Twilight Sparkle stopped in her tracks and stared into the sky, a feeling of dread washing over her. Never before had she seen such pure pandemonium. Even Discord, Nightmare Moon and the Changelings had limits. No blood had been spilt. They only sought to rule Equestria. This thing was there for something else…

The lavender mare shook her head back to reality and began to gallop again in the direction of the fleeing crowd. She knew she needed to find her friends, and fast. Celestia only knew how much time they had left before their town, hell the entirety of Equestria would be destroyed.

Ok, Twilight thought, her mind running as fast as her hooves were. Who lives closest? Her eyes scanned at the rapidly changing scenery and the ruins of Ponyville. She spotted a veranda with the name “Gustave’s” etched on it. Sugarcube Corner is only a block away. Let’s get Pinkie-

Before Twilight had time to finish her thought a fiery metal spike shot from the sky, smashing into a nearby building. The building exploded on impact, sending everypony nearby flying backwards as flames shot out in all directions.

Twilight grunted in agony as her lavender body slammed against the cobblestone. The unicorn struggled to keep consciousness as the scene around her unfolded.

“H-help… me…” she cried inaudibly at the ponies scrambling past her. It was no use. She was done. Nopony could help her with that thing loose in Ponyville.

Suddenly, everything went black.

Twilight Sparkle groaned as she stirred into consciousness. She reached a hoof to her throbbing head and winced.

“Sh! Sh! She’s waking up!”

Twilight froze at the unfamiliar voice that came from nearby. She listened closely for more talking but heard only silence; which she admitted to herself was much better than the agonized screams she heard earlier. The unicorn slowly began to raise her head, her eyes still closed.

“Please! Lay back down; be careful. You’ve been out for a long time. We don’t want you straining anything.” Another voice said to her, this one belonging to what she assumed to be a mare.

Suddenly the sound of hooves approached her, their clacking echoing in the otherwise silent environment. Twilight tried to think of where she could be; some place safe and yet, probably closer to the chaos than she would have liked.

Twilight felt a hoof poke into her side, causing her to let out a surprised shriek. “Relax, I’m only checking for broken bones. We didn’t have a lot of time to check you over when we found you outside. We needed to bring you here right away.”

“W-where am I?” the confused unicorn pleaded, uneasiness washing over her. She slowly began to open her eyes, finding herself blinded by a bright, white light that seemed to radiate from the room itself, rather than any lights above her.

“You’re safe.” The mare answered. “That’s all that matters now.”

Twilight listened to the mare walk away and tried to move again, this time succeeding in raising the top half of her body. Her eyes opened slowly, blinking back the bright light and her fuzzy vision.

“Ms. Sparkle! You must lay down this instant! Your body isn’t ready! It can’t handle movement!” The mare shouted. Twilight ignored the cries and continued to prop herself up, noticing now that her body was on top of a cushioned table.

“Guards!” the mare screamed, obviously in panic. “Sedate her! Now!”

Not a moment later, Twilight felt a needle pierce her side, causing her to groan in pain. A feeling of cold radiated from the wound throughout her whole body. Her body suddenly became limp as it dropped back down onto the table.

Twilight’s vision faded to black.

“…over 1.21 jigawatts.”

“Impressive. But that’s no excuse. The boss wants her ready in half an hour.”

Twilight could slowly feel herself fade back into cognizance, the voices of various ponies filling her ears. She had no clue what they were saying, but attempted to pay attention anyway.

“That’s impossible! She needs at least a week to recover from such an extensive surgery! Her body and mind couldn’t possible adapt so quickly!” A stallion was shouting.

“I know, but the fact is we just don’t have that time. I’m sorry Emmett.”

That’s the mare from earlier! But that stallion… Who is he? He sounds pretty mad… Twilight thought to herself, trying to remain as still as possible so not to draw the attention of the ponies. I wonder what for.

“I’ve told you a hundred times!” the stallion shouted, slamming a hoof down on the floor. “I’m not your friend. I’m hardly even your colleague. I’m not Emmett to you, nor anypony else here. You can call me Dr. Brown, and that’s it.”

“Shut up, you idiot!” the mare snapped at him. “The subject’s pulse rate is increasing! You’re waking her!”

Twilight suddenly noticed sweat forming on her brow, an obvious side effect from the heated argument going on before her. It looked like her time observing was up. She needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

The purple unicorn used all of her reserved strength and sprang from the table, onto a cold, paved floor. Something felt different with her legs. Almost as if they were heavier; more muscular.

“Great Scott!” the stallion shouted in surprise, falling backwards. Twilight Sparkle turned to him, eying the stallion angrily.

“Where am I!?”

Dr. Brown looked up at her, cowering in fear. He raised his forelegs in defense and shuffled back against the nearest wall.

“Guards! Stop her or the Boss will have our heads!” the mare from earlier screamed, pointing a hoof at the purple unicorn.

A group of heavily armored ponies dashed into the room, all of whom carried weapons in their mouths. Desperately, Twilight focused all of her magical energy, finding that it was much easier than normal. The guards stared at her, in awe and dropped their weapons, half of them turning to run away. Twilight smirked.

Guess I’m stronger than I thought! Wait till Rainbow Dash sees me now…

She turned toward the nearest door and stepped toward it, triumphantly, finally making her way outside.

Clang!

The unicorn stopped dead in her tracks at the metallic sound. That was the last sound she expected to hear coming from her hooves hitting against the concrete floor. She slowly looked down.

“What the hay?!” she shouted, horrified. Her legs- no, they weren’t even her legs anymore. Four large metal appendages had taken their places. They were adorned with various lights and wires which gave them the look of some high tech machinery she believed to be nonexistent.

“They’re the most powerful models we’ve ever produced.”

Twilight Sparkle turned to find Doc Brown standing behind her, his face flat and emotionless.

“What did you do to me?!” The unicorn screamed, tears forming in her eyes. She took off toward the stallion, pinning him to the ground. “Answer me!”

“I’m sorry, Twilight. But you were the most eligible pony we could find.”

“What the buck is that supposed to mean?!” She stomped one of the metal hooves on the ground next to him, a large crack forming in the cement ground. Twilight was seething with rage. It took every last inch of will-power to not stomp the stallions head in with her newfangled legs.

“Well, quite simply put,” the stallion started, wiping his glasses against his lab coat. “We need you.”

Twilight felt something inside of her click. Almost as if she knew what he was saying was true. Definitely not some convenience added to further the plot. Not at all. She backed off Doc Brown and let him rise.

“Thank you, Twilight.” The stallion said, brushing a hoof through his stringy white mane. “Now let me explain, please. We haven’t much time.”

“…And that pretty much sums it up.” Doc Brown said, sighing.

Twilight Sparkle stared back at the stallion, trying to comprehend everything she had just been told. It was far too incredulous to believe. A race of giant, sentient machines wreaking havoc upon Equestria? At any other time, she would have laughed and walked away. But still… she thought, glancing at her steel appendages. I guess I can’t explain this either.

“Now what does this all have to do with me?” Twilight asked, tapping her metal hoof on the concrete floor, the sound echoing faintly throughout the room.

“We need someone with the willpower to battle these robots and send them back to where they came from. That’s where you come in.”

“But I’m nothing special! I’m nothing like Applejack or Rainbow Dash! And they're the most athletic ponies in Ponyville!”

“Well, it’s quite simple why we picked you, actually.” Doc Brown answered, smiling.

Twilight put a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. “A-ha! It’s because of my connection with the Elements of Harmony, right? This machinery doesn’t run on electricity or anything, instead on the magic of friendship!” The mare beamed at her brilliant deduction. She suddenly felt much more comfortable in her new metallic body. Especially knowing the magic of friendship gave her such power.

Doc Brown frowned in confusion. “Well, actually it’s just a clever plot device and nopony else is significant enough in the plot to take over such responsibilities. But sure. Whatever floats your boat. Friendship power, activate!”

Twilight Sparkle grinned foolishly, completely ignoring the blatant breach of the fourth wall by the stallion.

Good thing too.

The ponies suddenly found themselves thrown to the floor as the ground beneath them shook with violent tremors. Outside they could hear as another one of the metallic behemoths fell from the sky to wreak havoc upon the once peaceful town.

“Twilight, please. Do this for your friends. Do this,” Doc Brown stated, sitting up. “FOR EQUESTRIA.”

Twilight Sparkle smirked and rose to her hooves. “Guess it’s time to rock-them-socken robots!”

The unicorn crouched down and activated the rocket boosters in her legs, fire and smoke billowing out from under her hooves. In an instant she shot through the roof and into the blood red sky, several hundred feet above the carnage. From all around her she could hear the screams of ponies as the robotic menace continued their onslaught. Twilight’s eyes darted around the entirety of Ponyville. With the sheer amount of chaos she felt entirely powerless. How could she possibly save Equestria? Especially without her friends by her side…

It was then that she noticed truly how many robots there were attacking the once peaceful town. Directly below her stood a bi-pedal metallic gargantuan, a pitch black mask covering what would be its face. It held what appeared to be a samurai sword made of light beams that when swung instantaneously cut through whatever it came in contact with. She watched it step toward a small group of fleeing ponies and raise the sword.

Suddenly a blood-curdling shriek from behind her caught her attention; she turned to find another bi-pedal machine of an even greater height wielding a large cannon on one of its arms. The metal beast aimed the weapon at a nearby building and launched something at it. Upon impact the entire building was decimated, an immense explosion surrounding nearby buildings in flames. Even from Twilight’s height she could feel the heat of the newly made inferno that threatened the lives of many ponyfolk in the town. She prepared herself to zip down to the scene and check for survivors when a loud whooshing sound came from behind her.

She turned her head and barely caught a glimpse of one of the machines flying straight toward her at an incredible speed. Twilight Sparkle jerked out of the way, the rush of air that the machine left behind sending her spinning out of control. The mare cursed under her breath and regained her composure in time to see the machine flipping in the air and coming straight back at her.

Twilight smirked at her attacker and activated the (convenient) laser cannon in her front right hoof. “I’m pretty sure this is a no fly zone.”

The machine shot by her and stopped in mid-air, unfurling itself into a robot with a jet-pack strapped to its back. The two remained still in the air, staring at each other menacingly and waiting for the other to strike first.

Finally the robot spoke up. “This fight ever gonna take off?”

Twilight’s gaze intensified. “This waiting is just plane boring.”

“The way this is Boeing we may just call it a draw.”

“Be patient. I’m sure once we straighten out this thing’ll fly right.”

The robot opened its mouth to speak again but paused. Its face indicated it was clearly out of flying puns to spout at its prey. It put up a finger, signaling Twilight to wait for a minute while it attempted to come up with something clever.

“I getcha!” she shouted over to the robot, taking the advantage. “It’s tough coming up with these puns. I’m just running on autopilot now!”

The robot was visibly struck by the quick wit of its nemesis and fell backward a few feet. On the offensive now, Twilight immediately flew to the robot and grabbed it with her free hoof, preventing it from escaping. She jabbed the laser cannon to its head and began charging it.

“H-how did you come up with something so quick?” It pleaded to the unicorn.

Twilight smiled.

“I did it on the fly.”

At that she released the charged beam straight into the robot’s head, tearing it clean off its body. Sparks of electricity spurted from the new opening as the lifeless mechanical body twitched for a moment before becoming entirely limp. Twilight Sparkle hurtled the body down to the ground and watched it explode as it landed.

“Tsk-tsk. It was doing so well too.” She said to herself, shaking her head. “It’s a shame to see such a formidable adversary crash and burn.”

After a hearty and well-deserved laugh, Twilight turned her attention back to the ravaged town and its numerous attackers. Backed with an assortment of puns and one-liners, she dive-bombed the town, using her laser cannon to obliterate the mechanized menace. Before long, only one robot remained, its giant arm-mounted cannon pointed directly at the extraordinarily equable equine. Twilight eyed the purple robot and smiled.

“Your grandma lend you that plating?” she mocked. The fact that she was purple entered her mind, but she pushed it out. Winners don’t think deeply about their one-liners.

“I am Galvatron! Ruler of the Decepticons!” it bellowed in rage, ignoring the mare’s insult.

Twilight frowned. Whoa! He brushed off the insult like nothing! This fight is gonna be harder than the others…

“You’ve destroyed my minions!” The cannon began to glow a striking purple colour. Twilight remained still. The sound of the charged weapon was nearly deafening. It was clear he had a lock on her. There was nothing she could do.

“For that, you shall die!”

The blast shot toward the almost certainly doomed mare. She became encompassed in a bright blaze, and began to scream in agony before finally disappearing in its horrifying glory. As the light finally diminished, Twilight was nowhere to be seen. The spot in the sky she was once hovering in was blank and lifeless, and Ponyville was left without its sole defender. Galvatron’s laugh echoed throughout the wasteland as he began to charge his cannon again, this time aiming it at the local orphanage. The sound of the children crying only made him more eager to decimate them.

BLAM!

A large explosion at the back of Galvatron’s head sent him stumbling forward in surprise. He slowly turned to find the lavender mare staring him down, her laser cannon aimed right at him. “Y-you! How did you survive that blast!? I saw you die!”

Twilight smiled and cracked her neck audibly. “I did a barrel roll.”

At that she charged Galvatron, her weapon glowing with power. She raised her hoof and rammed it into the robot’s -

“Mr. Bay!”

Michael Bay blinked back to reality, a lanky man standing in front of him. He cleared his throat and dabbed at his sweating brow, his heart pounding in his chest. Never before had he gotten so worked up pitching a movie idea. But it was worth it. He believed in it. And with the success of the Transformers series, he knew that he had an in.

“Mr. Bay…” The man in front of him said again, looking concerned.

“I’m- I’m fine.” Michael Bay replied, dropping his handkerchief. He folded his arms behind his head, a smug grin working its way upon his face. “So… What’d you think?”

This is it! He thought to himself, feeling a wave of pride and nervous anticipation wash over him. The moment of truth!

“It was… well, it was interesting.” The man said, searching for the right words to say.

The director frowned. “What do you mean interesting? It’s a masterpiece!”

The man sighed and turned to a woman next to him, his eyes asking for help. She sighed.

“Yeah, it was real cool.”

“Cool? You-you don’t like it do you?” Michael Bay dropped his head.

“No, Mr. Bay, that isn’t true, exactly.” The man said quickly, feeling awkward as the famed director before him began to weep.

“Yeah, we just thought it sucked!”

The man shot his counterpart a look and she covered her mouth.

“You know what?” Michael Bay shouted, wiping his tear stained eyes with his sleeve. “I’ll bring my movie to another studio!”

“Another what?” The man looked to his friend, both of them confused.

“I said I’ll take my business elsewhere, good sir! Lionsgate would be honored to have a director of my caliber there!” Michael Bay slammed his fist against the table and rose to his feet, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

“Mr. Bay! I don’t know what the hell is going through your mind right now, but you’re in the middle of a Starbucks!”

Michael Bay stopped and looked around. Indeed he was in a Starbucks. The crowd of bystanders and baristas eyed him with fear and confusion, some of them sitting as if freeze-framed, their coffees growing colder by the minute.

He cleared his throat and smiled kindly at the man whose nametag read: “Chip: Starbuck’s ‘Star’ Employee!”

“Uhh, yes. I knew that. Can I have a Grande Mocha Frap, please?”

Chip rubbed his head, sighing, and turned to the kitchen, his coworker joining him.

Michael Bay looked around him to make sure no one else was watching and pulled out a small notepad.

Note to self, he wrote. Present future films to Lionsgate. Dreamworks and Paramount are catching on…

He threw the notepad back into his briefcase. “And don’t forget!” he called after Chip. “Extra Ice!” Michael Bay slowly stretched and put his arms back around his head.

What a badass.

THE END

Author's Note

I wrote it before season 3 premiered, so forgive any inaccuracies in regards to the shows canon. If there are any...

Thanks for reading everyone! As usual, comments thumbs and favorites are always appreciate. Especially comments. Dem comments keep me going.
Cheers,
neutralmilk