Torah Ponies: A Tale of Exegesis, Magic, and The Moon

My practice battle with Nightmare Moon goes on for a few hours. We almost blew up the entire moon with our magic. The best part is, I am actually able to pause time now for fifteen seconds. I found out by accident after trying to pause time on Nightmare, and pushing my magic past my body’s limitations.

“You… you are… quite formidable… Jewnicorn…” Nightmare Moon pants, catching her breath.

“I am just surprised that my big brother is a unicorn with superpowers now.” , a bit confused by the recently ended sparring match.

“Well, I never expected to be roped into this in the beginning.” I say, quickly spawning my copy of the G’ra’s Zohar with the glosses I need to best Daybreaker. I show my notes to Nightmare, and she nods in approval.

“So… what you are saying is that I need to use alicorn magic to pause time for several millennia so we can train together? The G’ra really thought that we would need to do that?” Nightmare says, a bit confused.

“Probably. As smart as I am, he was much smarter, so… can we pause time for a few thousand years? Rivka, you will be affected by this, so you'll be frozen in time for a bit. Lucky for you, it’ll all be over in a minute for you. Ready, boss?”

“Ready, Noah?” Luna says as her eyes and horn turn black, casting a spell that pauses time for as long as we need. This only works because alicorn magic is infinitely more powerful than unicorn magic. My sister is frozen mid sentence as she was about to say something.

“So… how does this work? Is the whole universe frozen, or just the moon?”, a bit confused by the current situation.

“I created a time pocket. Only Equestria’s moon is frozen in time. The rest of the universe remains unaffected, so while 18 months will pass in Equestria, we have as much time as we need. Now, get some rest, as our real training will begin in the morning.”

***
PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA

A year and change has passed, and only two weeks remain until the Summer Sun Celebration, when Nightmare Moon’s confinement ends. She has gotten acquainted with the five other ponies in the year or so that she has been in Ponyville, but she isn’t really that friendly with them, as something seems off.

Twilight has been compiling a journal since her stay in Ponyville, writing down a list of everything that could possibly signal Daybreaker’s reveal.

“Princess Celestia has been acting rather strange these past couple of days, don’t you think, Spike?” she asks the baby dragon who is sucking on an amethyst crystal.

“Yeah, although you have also been acting up lately.” he retorts, not really interested in his guardian’s obsession with Celestia’s alleged split personality.

“Of course I have been acting up, Spike! There’s two weeks left until the Summer Sun Celebration, and all the reading I have been doing this year has proved Princess Celestia is crazy. Just look at Jewnicorn’s footnotes!” she says, shoving a volume of Seder Olam in front of Spike’s face.

“Not going to even bother arguing with you, Twilight. I just hope you got your hay together for the party in two weeks.” Spike says, sighing at his friend’s compulsion with besting her former teacher.

Moving to another part of the house, Spike takes out a quill and parchment. He really didn’t want to do this, since he cares for Twilight, but it has gone too far.

“Dear Princess Celestia.

This is Spike speaking. Twilight has been compromised by Nightmare Moon over false accusations of you being a genocidal mare. No reasoning or empirical facts seem to work, and I believe that this has crossed the line between insanity to treason. I advise you to deal with her as you see fit.

Your draconic subject,

Spike”

Spike uses his fire to send the letter to Princess Celestia with a heavy heart, knowing he has betrayed his friend’s trust. As important as Friendship is, safety comes first.

Within only a few short minutes, the dragon burps up a reply. This reply is unusual and terrifying, as it is written in flames!

“Dear Spike.
I thank you for your candid honesty regarding my former student Twilight Sparkle. Your analysis is correct. She has crossed the line between insanity and treason. I am truly sorry, but I must use the full extent of my power to stop her, lest she be a further danger to herself or others. I will remain incognito until the summer sun celebration, lest she draws suspicion. Once my wretched sister is freed from her prison, I will eliminate both of them.

Rest assured your loyalty to the crown has not gone unnoticed, and you will be rewarded handsomely for your efforts. Imagine all the jewels you can eat, Spike! Your reward will be even greater than that, I promise you.

Daybreaker.”

The familiar name sent shivers down Spike’s spine. Dropping the letter while his stomach dropped as well, his sight became blurry, darkness threatening to cover his eyes.

'What…? What have I done?!'

Fully connecting all the dots, he rushed to the kitchen sink and vomited at the awful realization.

He just wanted to look out for his friend, not send her to her untimely death!

“Spike! What did I tell you about eating jewels before you take your pills? It doesn’t work!”, rushing to the kitchen to pick up Spike with her magic and check his vitals.

“T-T-Twi…? I-I made a terrible mistake. I-I hope you can f-f-forgive me.”

“Aw, come on! Eating jewels before medicine isn’t that bad, Spike. It just gave you an upset stomach.”

While checking his pulse, she spots the letter Daybreaker sent, gathering it to her and reading it. Her heart felt like it was ripped out of her chest and a burning piece of salt rammed into its place.

“Y-YOU S-SON OF A DRAKE! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?! I'M BASICALLY YOUR MOTHER!”, Twilight's voice rips through the house, tears streaming down her muzzle.

“I… I thought you were crazy! I-I-I wanted to help you…! I didn’t know, I swear I didn't! I thought you were sick... I was only doing what anypony would have done to help somepony they care ab-. Please don’t hurt me!!” , as he cowered in fear, knowing full well what an angry unicorn’s magic can do.

Breathing in and out, she calms down, reminding herself of his loyalty, then thinks of a way for him to regain her trust. Taking a few quick seconds , she then fixed him with a glare that was part anger and part sorrow.

“I… I will discuss your punishment later, young drake. In the meantime, I have to write a letter to that Jewnicorn guy from another world. ”

Summoning a quill and parchment, she begins to write.

“Dear “Jewnicorn” and Princess Luna,

I have a baby dragon that I take care of. His name is Spike. He did something incredibly stupid, and compromised the mission. I will not go into the finer details, but he put everypony I care about in danger by mistake. I have been researching a method to prematurely end your confinement on the moon, and I have enchanted this letter with the means of doing so. Summer Sun Celebration, my FLANK! Daybreaker needs to go, and she needs to go NOW.”

One ANGRY MARE,

Twilight Sparkle.”

“Step one in ensuring you can still live here. Send this to the moon, NOW!”

He does just that, racing to his basket afterwards and bawling his eyes out in pure heartbreak, crying himself to sleep. Twilight stayed where she was, tears creating a puddle under her hooves and a mind that tried, and failed, to find a solution where Spike could forgive himself.

***

10,000 years of frozen time have elapsed, much longer than I have ever spent on Earth, or anywhere else for that matter. During these ten millennia, I have gotten to know Nightmare Moon quite well. She is kind of like my second mother now. It’s a bit weird, to be honest.

Each and every day during these ten thousand years is the same. Prayers three times a day, combat training in the morning and afternoon, four hours of advanced Torah learning, and, at Nightmare’s insistence, tea time every day at 5pm sharp. At least she knows I like lemon with honey! Only took her a century to figure that one out!

“Today marks 10,000 years in frozen time, Noah. I would wager that we only need another century or two before your magic is equal to that of my own. When that happens, I will resume the flow of time and you can go to Equestria and fight Daybreaker with me.”

“Yeah, I’d even say seventy-five year-”
An impossible pillar of light appeared, piercing the lunar citadel and revealing a letter that was gracefully falling in front of us.

“Hmm. What’s this, boss?”, while using my magic to grab the letter. I immediately freeze in place, recognizing the script.

“Oh… crap.”, handing the letter to my superior.

“Damn that sister of mine, terrorizing innocent ponies! Looks like 10,000 years is 18 months. “הזמן יזרום שוב.” (time will flow once again)

The flow of time was freed, and Nightmare feels very tired after freezing the moon in place for 10,000 years.

“How… how long was I frozen?”, realizing that she was in the middle of thinking something before being frozen in place.

“Not long, just 10,000 years. Frankly, it went by like a few days.”

“TEN… THOUSAND YEARS?! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!?”

“Umm, I gave your brother immortality. I'm tapping him to be my successor, you know. It comes with the job.”, she replies with a hidden smile

I froze in place, shocked. I NEVER expected in the 10 millennia that I have known the lunar diarch for her to say something like this.

“W… what do you mean, your successor?” I ask, a bit taken aback by this grandiose statement.

“Well, I am 10 millennia older, and even though alicorns don’t die, I am going to need somepony to take over watching the Jews and being their protector. I’ll still raise the moon and stuff when we kill my sister, but this is just a reorganization of stuff."

“Hold on, boss. Alicorns can’t die, but you said we’re going to kill Daybreaker? How does that work?”

“Well, alicorns are a-mortal, they cannot die of illness or natural causes, but they can be killed. Frankly, I am surprised Tia didn’t kill me 11,000 years ago. Must have had a shred of mercy for her baby sister, I guess?” She says, before noticing that the letter Twilight sent us begins to glow fluorescent purple and sends a massive blast of energy towards the edge of the moon’s thin atmosphere, breaking the spell trapping her on the moon.

“Hmm. This is an unexpected discovery. I guess my confinement ends a bit early! Here’s what we are going to do. Rivka, you are to mount me immediately and cling to my back like your life depends on it. I will protect you with magic. All will be well. Noah, go over EVERYTHING we covered in the past 10,000 years. I strongly believe you are incredibly close to alicornhood ascension.

Wait, what? Alicorn ascension. What kind of joke is this? How does one become an alicorn? Just as I was about to ask my teacher this crucial question, Rivka butts in.

“Hold on, why can my brother be a magical pony and I can’t?!”

I'm certain that she's a bit envious that I’m a freaking time guardian and that she doesn’t have any magic.

“Well… if you’d like, let’s briefly entertain this thought. What is your nascent talent? Everypony has one, even humans!”

My sister takes a minute to think about what Nightmare just asked her, and comes up with an idea.

“Umm. I am VERY forgiving. I know that this Daybreaker is a horrible mare who needs to be stopped, but even SHE needs a chance to defend herself. Maybe she has remorse?”

“Interesting… perhaps you could be the Element of Kindness?”

“Nah, I did some reading on that, boss. Somepony has the job already. A pegasus named Fluttershy. Twilight has been sending me quarterly updates on this.”

“Oh, sorry.bOne magical pony girl coming right up!”

And with nothing more than a flash of her horn, my baby sister became a violet pegasus, with a cutie mark of a feather landing on a rock.

“Woah… I guess that’s how you did it for me, then?”

“Yeah, basically like that. Alicorn magic is broken. Sorry. If you do ascend, which I think you will, eventually, don’t abuse it like I am doing now. Extenuating circumstances.”

“If you change your mind at any point, let me know and you’ll become a human again, okay?”

“ARE YOU KIDDING?!?! I CAN FLY!!!”, forgetting all about the past 15 years of her life and embracing the chaos, trying to get a feel of her new wings.

"Well, I guess we will go to this “Ponyville” place now and defeat Daybreaker!” I say, as Nightmare uses a spell to teleport the three of us to the outskirts of the town, the perimeter of a country estate. At least my teacher was smart enough to disguise herself as a regular unicorn!

Much to our surprise, an orange earth pony wearing a straw hat casually trots over to us with a smile on her face. Does she live here? Maybe?

“Who the hay are you three? Y’all hungry or somethin’? I have apple fritters in the oven. Want any?”

“Yeah, sure! Just as long as there aren’t any pistachios. Don’t want to die of anaphylaxis!” I say, remembering that my nut allergy probably still exists.

“No pistachios. Got it! Name’s Applejack, heiress of this fine estate y’all magically appeared in front of. Happy to be of service!”

***

Twilight senses incredibly powerful magic in Ponyville, at Sweet Apple Acres.

“Holy moly! I think that might be Nightmare Moon and the Jewnicorn! I need to get my flank over there, and fast before Celestia finds-”

“You were saying, my “unfaithful student?”

A massive pillar of solar magic bursts through the door of Twilight’s abode, revealing Celestia’s true form, Daybreaker.

“I must admit, your pet dragon knows when to spill the beans. I promise you that his life will be spared. Now, your life, I can’t make any promises.”

Twilight is scared out of her mind. Her teacher, somepony she loved like a mother, is now hellbent on killing her and millions of innocent people in another universe, just because they were fond of a different alicorn.

“You are to tell me where my wretched sister and her pet Jew is, and if you do, I might reconsider sparing your life. If you do not comply, well, I hope we don’t come to that, Twilight.”

“I will never tell you, Celestia!”
With a small grunt, her former teacher bolts out the front door while trapping Twilight in an entrapment spell as she flies across Ponyville, trying to sniff out her sister’s magical energy.

***

“My word! These apple fritters are divine, Applejack!” I say, as I am already on my third fritter.

“Yeah, they are really good!” my sister says, her wings fluttering with ecstasy on her second serving.

“Glad y’all like them. Secret family recipe. Now that y’all are full, tell me where you came from? I assume you came from Equestria, but where?”, she asks us, innocently trying to get acquainted with her three guests.

I try to think of a ponified name of a city. I grew up near NYC. Manhattan… Manehattan?

“Manehattan” I say on behalf of the three of us, with a hint of hesitation, since I was not 100% sure if I was pulling a name out of a hat or not. To my surprise, she believed me.

“Manehattan, huh? Y’all city ponies are interesting! I have a cousin there. Never been, though.”

Sadly, our snack was interrupted by Twilight Sparkle teleporting in with a cold sweat.

“DAYBREAKER IS HERE, RUN!!”, as somepony breaks down the door of the house we are eating in.

Oh crap… 10,000 years have finally come to this. G-d, I hope I don’t die!