Verve

by Pumpkin Pony

Chapter 25 - Certified Dumb

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The campfire extinguished, and food found filling their bellies - the ragtag team of misfits marched on in the night. Their path lit by the single flame of Vee’s small tail lantern. Somehow, the light it produced seemingly ignored the purple pegasus - phasing through her body to the world beyond. A mysterious thing, but an answer wouldn’t be given so easily - trade secrets, after all.

The bitter cold was soon nipping at Arin’s nose and cheeks, his wings hugging around his body to keep warm. They could fly. But they’d have to carry Pumpkin and Tempest both - and Celestia couldn’t travel far on her thin, scantily muscled wings. It would be some time before she could move them with grace.

Through the small cuts of the canopy above the trees, you could see the odd, luminescent starlight of the Lunar Plane seeping over reality. By now, the Lunar Halo - as Arin called it - had grown exponentially. Though it was a slow process, it definitely reached as far as the southern end of Ponyville, and then some - pushing into the Everfree Forest proper.

But, back on the topic at hand. Cold. Arin had never hated the cold so much in his life. On the moon, it was cold - but he had gear to protect against it. Now? A thin long sleeve shirt, a green vest, and pants were his only hope - along with an extra sheet the Princess had wrapped around him in the old toga style. His wings definitely helped, but left big gaps where cold air could seep in.

Seeing the Seraph shaking, Celestia took it upon herself to right the problem - her own wings adding to the warmth. They had split their blankets among the ponies around, to function as temporary winter wear. Tempest had a sheet and blanket around her back, keeping the heat in. Pumpkin was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, bumbling about with the too-big camping bag weighing her down. Vee was… well, Vee. And simply drank coffee.

“So, I don’t have a map. Vee… I already know you don’t have a map-” Arin began, the purple pegasus chirping at his statement.

“Indeed, Tall-fry! Maps are for Earth Ponies and Unicorns. Us Purples simply know where we are, at any given time.”

“Wonderful! Where are we Vee?” Celestia smiled, hopeful for some good news.

“Lost! D’ohoho.” She flapped her wings softly, hovering idly above the ground.

“We are not lost. We are heading West-South-West. If memory serves me right, we’ll likely run into train tracks in the next few hours.” Tempest declared, “But I could use an eye in the sky to guide us. Vee, if you could… actually, not you. Arin, if you could spare me your pack and survey the land, you could make yourself useful.”

The Seraph shrugged, slipping the heavy hiking gear from his shoulders and roughly depositing it onto Tempest. She didn’t grunt, but the surprising weight of it did make her legs tense just a bit. Free of the burden, Arin spread his wings - before darting up past a hole in the leaves.

Rough winds whipped around him, as he bore witness to the Lunar-infused world. Attempting to piece together any landmarks in the chilly winds was a difficult task, as the snowfall fused into a heavy fog in the night sky. But to their south, he could quite clearly see the shiny surface of Twilight’s Eyesore of a Castle. That was unmistakable. If they wanted to, they could reach it in an hour’s time. The train station was clearly somewhere nearby, as you could see it faintly from a few windows of Canterlot’s Guest Wing. Or Celestia’s balcony, which he may or may not have visited in search of bargaining tools to persuade Vee to hire him.

He spread his wings, calmly gliding amid the winds to the forest floor below. Luckily, it wasn’t impossible to find the group again - as Pumpkin’s orange hat stood out quite well among the snow, illuminated by Vee’s lantern.

“Well?” Tempest asked, as he broke the clearing in a dozen sparse wingbeats.

“It’s freezing and windy, but I managed to spot Twilight’s ugly castle south of us,” Arin commented, shivering in his snow boots. Celestia quickly darted in, sharing body heat once more with the Seraph - who graciously, and most gratefully accepted. His pack was soon returned, as well.

“Then we’re on the right path. Let’s avoid the prying eyes of ponies and keep to the trees. If we found rest, then so did the ponies of Ponyville - and they are likely indentured servants to Nightmare Moon by now. That is if Celestia’s theory is correct.” The wine colored mare began once more on the path forward, leading the charge into the cold.

“She’s not wrong. Nightmare Moon attempted to persuade me, back on the moon. It would have worked too, if…”

Arin blinked. The memory had left his mind. “Well, I remember something about Umbra being kidnapped. But the rest is fuzzy. As dreams are, I guess.”

“D’ohoho! That’s dream magic for you,” Vee chirped, bumping into a branch with her nose; she didn’t even blink, gazing past it with her half-drawn eyes. Pumpkin reached up with a hoof - angling it out of the way so Vee could fly unimpeded.

“I’ve um… never trotted t-this much before. I-In the cold, either. How are you d-doing it, Tempest? Y-You don’t even seem bothered.” The little mare trotted up to the tall pony’s side, drawing a curious eye from the much more confident mare.

“Years of rigorous training in agility, acrobatics, and endurance, along with a fine study of martial arts - has given me the stamina to persist. I’m not an athlete, as an athlete’s skills are tailored to a few distinct movements. I am a veteran of battle, and thus a refined warrior. I believe a Seraph like Arin, given his former history, has endurance to persist under heavy burdens. I am more suited for long journeys, much like this.” But her interest had settled in on the little mare, growing curious. “Why do you ask?”

“O-Oh! Nothing, it’s just… I’ve never met a pony like you before.” She smiled. Celestia leaned over to Arin’s ear, whispering quietly.

“Are you sure she’s interested in you? Seems like she just has a preference for tall, dark, and rugged.”

“Well, I gave her the same run around. So-... Wait, are you saying Pumpkin is into mares, too?” Arin gawked, but the Princess saw it as a moment to teach.

“Over seventy percent of Equestria’s population are female; it’s a worrying number. So any stallion that looks remotely free is snatched up quickly by a desperate populace. It’s incredibly common for mares to love each other, or even marry. So… it’s not unlikely. Even I had a taste for them, decades passed. A taste I’ve long since washed from my mouth. Figuratively and literally.” She blushed. Maybe that was a bit too personal. A reporter would eat that news up like candy, but it was definitely public knowledge. She had always flaunted her lovers.

“Oh? Then what suits your fancy now? Excluding your sister’s Knight.”

“Do you want a serious answer?... Hm. Well, I used to be quite promiscuous in my youth; a new special somepony every few years. They tended to be broad shouldered stallions with a strong jawline, but as I reached… three hundred, I believe, I expanded my horizons. I dated a few griffons, which quickly went nowhere. A dragon once, but that was a little more experimental than anything. In the end, I stopped caring about looks, and started chasing personality. That made things a lot more difficult, as more often than not I attracted the wrong crowd.” She sighed, kicking an ice-covered stone across the way as they travelled.

Ahead, Pumpkin seemed to be persistent in keeping a conversation with Tempest, even daring to look into her intimidating eyes. At least, whenever the tall Unicorn would glance at the little mare, usually in indifference. Sometimes in curiosity, too - as if questioning her perseverance.

“Well, what about you, Arin? You seem sweet enough to persuade my Sister and I. What’s your preference? You must have had ladies lining up from down the block to give you a shot.”

He checked the ground with his eyes, thinking quietly. What did he enjoy? Wait, no. He knew, and it was draped possessively around him.

“In my homeland, it’s no secret that Inerts have a fascination with wings. It’s like… not just envy, but a sexual thing. Something about feeling their softness is always welcome. But, my preferences in relationships are… hard to say. I’ve chased girls of all shapes, sizes, and even other races - but I’ve never been successful, not that I didn’t try. In a world of magic, being a simple Inert just wasn’t enough. I was the literal lowest of the low, I was lucky not to be part of any of the yearly population cleansings.”

Celestia winced at the thought; how could a race of sentient creatures be so hateful to their weakest members? Regardless, she wanted to keep the mood light.

“So. Wings, huh? Well, did you know that of all the pegasi in Equestria - my wings are the largest?” She smiled, making an effort to squeeze the Seraph tighter. He couldn’t help but lean in; it was instinct! Something about the comforting warmth left him scatterbrained.

“No, I didn’t know that. In fact, I’d love to learn more about your neat quirks. Any time we’ve spent together, after all, has been around a dinner table or - worse yet - in the Lunar Plane.”

“Oh! Then I have a lot to talk about. Let’s see… I have over two thousand years of experience in love. Not only am I one of the world’s best snugglers, I’m also the perfect alarm clock. I always wake at dawn, save for when I don’t need or want to - like now. And when I do wake, I prefer to wake my lover with as much affection as possible.”

“You know, I thought some of the Guards in your Castle had an ego. Now I know where they get it from. What do you mean ‘one of the world’s best snugglers’? How do you even rate that? Is there some kind of competition, or?...”

“There was! Around… ten years ago. I was only narrowly beaten by the now Princess Cadence, who snuggled the judge into a coma. I’m telling you, she cheated by bringing snacks and extra blankets. It was perhaps one of the most peculiar competitions I had ever participated in, only just slightly more odd than the Swan Imitation Competition. I ranked seventh place, even though I didn’t wear a costume… or actually enter. The judges just decided to include me for reference.”

Arin chuckled, wishing his life was half as interesting as Tia’s. “You’ve got me beat; I’ve never entered any unique challenges. After I earned my wings, and in the first year of my rule of Erenorn - I entered into a traditional Martial Tournament. I just had to test my skill at the blade, after I defeated Leotoln and practiced. Turns out that I’m slightly above average, but nothing special. Indeed, I’ve done better work at the Archery Competition by miles. Ninety eight points out of one hundred, after my first warm up. Of course, there were ten rounds each; one hundred arrows, and I definitely did well. Nine hundred and fifty five out of one thousand. I think I ranked eighth place out of the one hundred contestants, which didn’t sit well with my advisors.”

“Oh? Ninety five percent accuracy sounds amazing to me. I’m assuming First Place scored a perfect one thousand? If I were your advisor, I would be proud.” Celestia examined the Knight with a bit more pride, her wing squeezing him closer to her body with each step they took. Eventually, he was forced to not only wrap a wing around her - but an arm as well.

“No, one thousand seventy or so. Each time you split a bullseye arrow in half, you gain an additional point. And that was just the standing competition. I did much worse in the flying portion. Six hundred and ninety nine, versus one thousand and two. The issue I had was the arena; you have to fly around what’s essentially called a Pin Cushion Tree; ten targets on limbs suspended in the center of the arena, nearly two stories tall. I wasn’t used to handling a bow while flying, and it really lowered my score - and I was almost disqualified when I nearly pincushioned a Cherub. I found myself in the bottom fifty. And guess who had to give out medals after it was all said and done? I’ve never seen so many smug grins in my life. I still have the occasional nightmare about hitting a kid with an arrow, even though it was a near miss.”

He kicked a stone hard enough to launch it over Pumpkin’s head, who eeped and ducked under her hat at the sound. Tempest was as fast as lightning, and snatched the rock with a hoof purely on reflex.

Needless to say, both Celestia and Arin were mildly impressed. Tempest tossed the rock to the side, before urging Pumpkin to inch herself just a bit closer. Just an inch. Arin definitely noticed this, but said nothing - in fact, he was mildly curious to see where it would go between them. After all, Pumpkin definitely needed to get out more. If anything, it may just give her a splash of reality.

Or, it was platonic, and Celestia was going through a romance phase and seeing much too much in everything. Though Tempest did give off a few… not-so-straight vibes. Kinda like Rainbow Dash did, at times. It was probably the fact that she could probably kick his feathers in a fight, if looks alone equated to skill. She did take over Canterlot once before.

Their travels continued ever steadily west, guided by a rough heading and Tempest’s knowledge of Equestria’s layout. Eventually, they did find the train rails - and they now walked (or cantered) quickly across the track’s boards. It was definitely an improvement over the slow forest trek, even if they’d have to split off soon to find Vee’s real home and shop.

“Hey Pumpkin. You live on Equis. Wouldn’t you know about the world being split in half? Or is that some kind of secret, unwritten knowledge?” the Seraph asked - Celestia and Arin both had finally decided to catch up, the little mare fumbling across the wooden tracks beneath her at the question.

“I-I never finished normal pony school... Since Vee adopted me, I’ve studied under h-her as her um… a-apprentice.”

She wouldn’t meet his gaze, the Seraph sighing.

“Well, that makes you and me both. At the age of ten, normal classes end - instead, Cherubs enter either advanced academies, or the working world. It all depends on lineage and noble birth, or if you had the coin to pay for it. I was lucky enough to have the chance to read up in the town’s library, at least. Inerts like me typically didn’t have the pedigree to enter, but that old codger behind the counter let me in on a whim. At least, I believed he did.”

Pumpkin’s smile slowly grew, as the wine mare had her own comments to make.

“...I may not have finished typical schooling, as well. I ran from home at a young age, then later studied to make up for my weaknesses. To hone my body to be both a deadly weapon - and an expert tactician. Finally, a scientist.” The stern mare blushed at her history; after all, an education was considered important in Equestria.

“Well, I didn’t attend normal classes, either. My Sister and I both studied under Starswirl the Bearded. And even then, it was only until he passed when we were both still growing. So I guess you could say I’m in the same boat?” the Princess offered, as all eyes slowly turned to Vee.

“D’ohoho! You’re all certified dumb. I went to college to put brains behind my feathers.” While flying, she attempted to preen a wing - which ended in disaster. Crashing to the floor, a dozen purple feathers shot up into the air; raining down around her in a pile. Luckily, her ever-present coffee cup landed on top of her head rim side up. Tempest looked over the mess, glaring.

“You’ve been trailing feathers like bread crumbs. I’m likely to believe this behavior is intentional, or you’re simply unaware of the danger this poses.”

“Oho! I believe you have a point, Stern-fry. But may I make a counter argument? I graduated top in my class in preening. I was the teacher. I gave myself A’s.”

Tempest’s eyes slowly traveled to Arin and Celestia’s, pleading with them. “Please. I beg of you. We can take the bookworm, but leave this bumbling trainwreck behind. My sanity can only withstand so much.”

“No dice, Jerk-face! Pumpkin flies with me! Pumpkin! At attention!”

“Yes Vee!” Pumpkin jumped at the call of the Pegasus, saluting with a hoof.

“Call Stern-fry a boring downer and insult her mane!”

“A-Actually, I like her mane, it’s v-very um… s-strict. A-And um… I-I enjoy her company?...”

“Good work, Smol-f-... Wait a second! Tempest, you snooter! What did you do to Pumpkin? Did you poison her coffee? Pumpkin doesn’t drink coffee! Did you make her drink coffee, then poison it?” Vee pointed an accusatory hoof at the Unicorn, who rolled her eyes.

“No, no, and no. This is childish. Umbra is in danger, and we don’t have time for this. Keep moving, or leave. I’m not going to babysit a mare hundreds of years my senior.”

Vee glared at the wine-colored mare as she made her way down the track - her mohawk ruffled by the wind. Arin and Celestia kept pace beside her. The witchy pegasus defiantly stood her ground; there was a certain level of brash attitude she was willing to take, and this was it. Pumpkin was left in the middle of it all, forced to choose between the Sister and Mentor she loved dearly, or her new friends - and possibly the fate of the world.

“Well, Pumpkin? Will you join us?” Tempest turned mid question, facing the little autumn pony carrying Vee’s bag. Her eyes darted between Vee, and Tempest, unsure.

“Vee, why don’t we um... g-go with them?”

“No. I’m mad. I don’t want to flap that way, I’d like to preen at home instead. I’ve never met a more ungrateful unicorn in all my life! This Jerk-face doesn’t need us. Come on, Small-fry. We’ve got bits to snoot up.” Vee’s glare intensified - withdrawing a small compass from her hat. Tilting her hoof to the right, she pumped her wings past the trio and settled at the forest’s edge.

Now, all eyes were on the little mare, her decision split down the middle. Within seconds, the stress and anxiety left her teary eyed - bouncing on her little hooves. Into the unknown freedom of adventure, or back to the stifling ovens and bakery of Vee’s Magic Emporium; the same old routine she’d lived in for more than a dozen years.

Pumpkin darted to Vee’s side, the Purple pegasus turning into the forest.

“See Smol-fry? We don’t need them! They need us, they-” The soft thump of a bag crushed the snow behind the Pegasus, her wings ending their endless flap as she turned to face the purple pack. Pumpkin had dashed towards Tempest’s side, the stern mare’s gaze burning into Vee with a fiery intensity.

“Pumpkin, wait, where are you…” Vee’s words trailed off, the little autumn mare shaking away tears.

“I-I’m sorry, Sis. B-But… not e-everything is about you.”

The fall-fitted mare turned back to the group, Arin being ushered away by Celestia’s wing.

“Wait, why aren’t we?...” he began, but the tip of her wing shushed him.

“Sometimes, you give chase. Other times, they’ll chase you. This isn’t something you can fix, Arin. You’ll have to trust me. Every decision I make, even now, has a purpose. Including letting Tempest lead.”

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