“And then… APPLEJACK WILL BE ALL MINE!”by Rune Soldier DanChaptersAll’s Fair in Love and WarAnd this is WarLove is a BattlefieldAll MineAll’s Fair in Love and WarWheels shrieked, and the train lurched as it ground to a halt. Autumn Blaze picked her head up sharply, but none of the other passengers followed suit. This was normal, or so it seemed. It was Autumn’s first time on a train, and she supposed this made sense – the ride had to stop somehow. She turned back to the window, beaming at the still village outside. Her tasseled tail wagged rhythmically, and her hooves made excited little tip-taps on the bench. She made it. Ponyville. The home of Applejack, her future wife. That came many steps later, of course. First came the dating. The picnics and plays. Adorable nose-nuzzles and kisses on those perfect freckled cheeks. They would wear silken wedding dresses, Autumn would move in on the farm, and they would live happily ever after. There was no doubt in Autumn’s mind. She knew Applejack was the one ever since she laid eyes on her, and everything the mare said and did since only reinforced this. She embraced Autumn’s eccentricity, forgave her outbursts, heard her story, saved the kirin… the one. Love or motion sickness made her legs wobble as she left the train. The Friendship Doom Fortress and other sights of Ponyville stood around, but Autumn was a mare on a mission. The sun above was just beginning its descent – plenty of time to go see Applejack. They would say hi, hug. If Applejack was busy Autumn would help out. If not, she’d ask Applejack to show her around town. There would be ice cream, gossip, freckles. Autumn would shyly drop that she had no place to stay, so Applejack would of course host her because Applejack was a beautiful and generous mare. Of course, her house had no guest rooms (Autumn did not actually know this) so they would share the bed... Autumn pranced through town, barely noticing the world around. She only paused to ask a white unicorn directions to Sweet Apple Acres before speeding towards it on twinkling hooves. Mouth in a smile, she bounced down the warm, well-trod path. The strange, flat fields of Ponyville rapidly gave way to orchards and the subtle, homely smell of apples. How fitting that Applejack lived in a forest, just like the kirin! Yes, a little more organized, but what was an apple orchard if not a tidy forest? Further proof that Autumn and she were a match made in Heaven, not that any more was needed. She saw the farmhouse in the distance. Song bubbled and burst from Autumn’s mouth, to the tune of ‘Yankee Doodle.’ “I am coming for you, AJ, To be your one and only bride! Thighs like thunder And a golden mane And smile, so bright and so wide! Tis I, your one and only sweetheart! I, who love you most of fall...” “...Fall?” A rope caught her hooves, sinfully tied between two apple trees. Autumn pitched forwards, right onto a pile of strange, squishy red fruit that burst under her weight, caking her in sticky juices. She laid, face-down, blinking. She licked her lips. Sweet and tart. A voice came from the side, squeaky like a tuneless violin. First it laughed, then said, “Oh, I wish I had a camera! You should have seen the look on your dumb face.” No steps came, but Autumn heard a light flapping. She turned her head to see a butter-yellow pegasus float from some hiding spot and land on the road. The mare leaned down to Autumn, twisting her lips in an ‘O’ of feigned sadness. “Oooh, you poor dear. No way you can go to Applejack looking like that.” Autumn clambered to her hooves, feeling something like a match strike within her. Her eyes glowed hot, then cooled as she held control. She looked down, seeing red juices coat her legs and chest. “Who are you?” “I’m Strawberry Sunrise, Applejack’s future wife,” the mare said with aggressive, sugary sweetness. She even curtsied a little, and popped one of the small fruits in her mouth. “It’s so nice to meet you.” Autumn shook herself and jabbed a limb towards the mare’s chest. “You can’t be her wife! One, I’m going to be her wife, and two, Applejack is a sweet, beautiful, kind-hearted soul who would never marry some jerk standing in the way of her true love!” Strawberry gave a coy laugh into the back of her hoof. “Says who? Some one-shot recluse loser, pathetically falling in love with the first woman you’ve met who doesn’t treat you like garbage?” “Yeah?” Autumn barked. “Well what are you? A one-shot jerk comically mistaking antagonism for romance?” Strawberry gave a huff. “There is no mistake. Applejack is a witty, smart, fellow-farmer who spars with me every day: strawberries, or tasteless, yucky apples? We are passionate, immovable, undeniable. Never seeing eye-to-eye as two sides of the same coin, united in all else. We shall argue tit-for-tat on our wedding night, and then make fierce and passionate love as rivals and wives.” “Whatever, Trenderhoof.” “You take that back,” Strawberry hissed. “And while you’re at it, you better hope Applejack is into beards.” “RrrrrAnd you better hope she’s into burns!” Her coat went black and her mane turned to hellfire as Autumn let her temper loose and her nirik out to play. Not just for her own bruised ego, but to save Applejack from this harpy! She roared, and her sharp-toothed mouth snapped. Strawberry fearlessly leaped into the air, bringing her hoof down in a powerful kick. Then came a snap, a woosh, and a giant net caught the pegasus mid-fall. Autumn’s eyes traced its work: a mesh net on a clever metal spring, now erect to leave Strawberry dangling like an apple. The red light of a laser motion sensor now was visible, fixed squarely on Strawberry. Whoever had done this was either a technical genius or quite rich. The answer came easily enough, stepping out of the trees like a nervous deer. She was a soft green pony, with black or purple hair that spiraled at its ends with teal highlights. Makeup and eyeliner spoke of high fashion, and manicured hooves picked their way delicately around any mud. She had a kind voice, though one cracked with pent-up anger. “Waylaid another pony with your dirty tricks, Strawberry?” “Look who’s talking!” the pegasus snapped. “I might not like the game, but I’ve learned the rules.” The newcomer gave Autumn a strained smile. “Hi, my name is Coloratura, but you can call me Rara. I’m Applejack’s future wife.” The nirik vanished, leaving only Autumn. Alas, it did not burn off the strawberry juice. “I’m Autumn Blaze, and… uh, same?” “Not hardly, I’m afraid.” Rara gave a small, defensive smile. “Honest, stable, muscular Applejack is my childhood friend, you see. That means I saw her first, and have dibs. I might not have much in common with her, but our tender emotional connection shall see us united in the end.” “Emotional connection?” “Applejack was nice to her.” Strawberry sneered. “She’s nice to everyone, Rara! You have no advantage over the rest of us.” “I called dibs,” Rara huffed. Autumn raised her hoof. “Wait, ‘rest of us?’ How many are...” “Camping with her as a child then transferring to Harvard for Celebrities doesn’t count as dibs, you stupid Moe,” Strawberry called. “Neither does coming home after ditching her for the spotlight to find she’s still nice to you and all of a sudden you think you’re star-crossed. Real romance isn’t about niceness, it’s about passion! Competition and head-butting, so you never grow stale and bored with each other! That’s why I am perfect for Applejack because she...” Autumn tuned out the captured pegasus. “So, um, Rara… I’m new to this. Should we fight?” Rara looked her up and down. “No need. You can’t propose to Applejack looking like that.” It was true. Rara smirked and threw out her hair. “Every weekend I come, because of course I mustn't interrupt my dear future wife while she is working. And every weekend I am delayed and defeated by my rivals. Held up so long that it becomes night when my dear future wife needs her sleep, or dirtied so terribly that I could not show my face to her. Those few times I made it… another did as well! And we had to talk pleasantly and make nice, for of course I cannot propose while the other might interfere, and we cannot fight because Applejack would disapprove of us both.” “No. I’m sorry, Autumn, but it is not enough for me to win. All others must lose. It is a difficult battle, but for the sake of true love I shall fight until my ultimate triumph. And with that, my dear defeated adversaries: adieu!” Rara began trotting down the path, nose to the air and humming some pop tune. Autumn sat dejectedly in the shade of Strawberry’s net. Rara was right – no way could she appear before sweet Applejack smeared with juice. She would have to leave, and Rara would have Applejack all to herself. Noise came, this time from behind. Tan-tipped ears flicked upwards. High, repetitive shouts, growing closer. A twang like Applejack’s, but a shriller voice. “Hay-chips, pastries, water! Get yer hay-chips, pastries, water!” Hope returned to Autumn’s golden eyes. She leaped up, waving the pony closer. “Water! I want some water!” Wheels creaked and rounded a bend, revealing a redheaded filly pulling a cart. “Howdy, stranger! Three bits a bucket for water.” Truly an unfair price, but Autumn wasn’t in any position to argue. The coins clinked into a little jar on the cart. The filly pumped the water from a drum hanging off the side and hoofed it to Autumn. Autumn cheerfully washed herself clean. Then, feeling peckish, she paid another eight bits for more water and an apple turnover and sat down to lunch. “Hi, Apple Bloom,” Strawberry called from above. “Howdy, Strawberry. The usual?” “How much to get me down?” Apple Bloom nodded her head to a pair of pole-handled pruners on the cart. “Same as ever. Twenty bits for it now, complimentary at sundown.” “Shoot, I didn’t bring enough. Just the usual, then.” Four bits dropped into Apple Bloom’s waiting jar. The filly assembled a thick cheese sandwich and peppered carrot, put them in a bag tied to a pole, and raised it up to Strawberry. The sound of quiet munching came from the net as Apple Bloom stowed her gear. “See y’all later,” she said. She tapped the coin jar for a happy little jingle, then trotted off shouting at the top of her lungs. “Hay-chips, pastries, water!” Energized from her meal, Autumn galloped down the path. Her new, prissy rival had a head-start, but wasn’t athletic like Autumn (and Applejack!). A powerful sprint would pass her by. In fact, the passing came a moment later. Rara sat glumly on the road with a crushed, red-filled pie broken over her head. No way could she propose to Applejack like that. Autumn smiled. Froze. Dodged. The crust of a cherry pie brushed against her ears, passing through where her face stood an instant before. Haughty, loud laughter came from a small hill by the road, all from a plump earth pony with a pale yellow coat, crimson hair, and twang that rivaled even Applejack’s. “Well butter my backside and call me Applejack’s future wife, if it isn’t another so-called rival!” The mare casually tossed another pie to the air and caught it, giving a challenging leer. “My name is Cherry Jubilee, boss of Cherry Hill Ranch. I’ve been farming fruit for twenty years and never thought I’d find an equal until the day I met fast, hunky, hard-working Applejack! I knew from the moment I saw those powerful legs buck my trees that she was the one, and ain’t nopony getting in my way!” “Aren’t you a bit old for her?” Autumn said. “MILFs are hot,” Cherry replied. “Besides, Applejack deserves an experienced mare who knows how to please her. Not some, oh I don’t know, hermit recluse who talks to watermelons.” Autumn shook her head, feeling the fire spark within once more. “She deserves someone who loves her for more than her job, old lady! Someone like me, Autumn Blaze!” Cherry looked down sternly. “Don’t fight me. You can’t win, Autumn, I have the high ground.” It was true. Autumn glanced to each side, fruitlessly seeking a way out of her hopeless situation. Salvation, however, came from the rear. A maroon, pink-haired mare appeared behind Cherry and knocked her out cold with a baseball bat. “Oh great, another rival.” The mare stood over Cherry, looking down to Autumn and jamming a hoof at her chest. “Listen up, I don’t have time for long-winded introductions. We’re both here for the same thing, so let’s not waste time. Those thick, beautiful legs and soulful green eyes are calling me to the altar.” “Mare after my own heart,” Autumn growled with a smile. They drew near, circling each other warily. Autumn had the advantage with magic, but she couldn’t channel it without focus. Doing so would make her easy prey for the bat. ...Which admittedly seemed like a bit of an escalation. “Is Cherry gonna be okay?” “Probably.” The newcomer shrugged. “All’s fair in love and war, kirin, and this is both. A war for the heart of the most beautiful farm-pony in the world!” Autumn crouched, ready to spring. “So it would seem. I’ll crush you and everypony else who gets in my way. And then… APPLEJACK WILL BE ALL MINE!” Autumn released an evil laugh, though the mare’s words cut it short. “You mean Big Macintosh.” Autumn blinked. “Who?” “Macintosh?” The mare stared into Autumn’s blank expression. “Big, red, handsome stallion?” “Am I in the wrong place?” Autumn asked. “I’m looking for Applejack.” “Oh. Oh!” The mare shook her head. “You’re one of those… oh, I see.” She lowered the bat, smiling in a quite pleasant and friendly way. “I’m sorry, we got off on the wrong hoof. My name’s Cheerilee, and I’m looking for Applejack’s older brother, Big Macintosh. No, you’re not in the wrong place. I’m really sorry for threatening you, you’re new here so I wasn’t sure if you were my rival.” “Hey, no problem!” Autumn beamed to her. “It’s kind of my fault, too, I should have been more clear. My name’s Autumn Blaze, it’s good to meet you!” They shook hooves. Then a yellow pegasus tackled Cheerilee. The pair tumbled into the underbrush, punching and swearing. “Hi, Fluttershy!” Autumn waved. “Hi, Autumn,” Fluttershy replied before resuming her tirade. “Literally your only romantic interaction was fueled by drugs! My perfect husbando deserves someone who...” Much as Autumn would love to catch up with Fluttershy, she seemed busy. No more hopping or prancing. Autumn dashed forwards, now fully appreciating the woeful odds against her. There could be hundreds in these orchards, all seeking the same goal! For a mare as beautiful and freckled as Applejack, it wouldn’t surprise Autumn in the least. She had to run, run! Or so she thought. When the leaves gave way beneath her and she tumbled into the pit, Autumn realized that perhaps striking a balance with caution would have served her better. At least she landed on a downy feather bed, perfectly matching the hole’s dimensions so it could not be missed. It was a soft fall, but Autumn could only sit helpless as hoofsteps approached from above. Oddly, two ponies came into sight at the edge of the pit. A familiar white unicorn, gazing down with regal disdain, and a rainbow-maned pegasus trying to scrunch her face to the same expression and failing. Synchronized, they began pacing around the pit’s edge. The unicorn began. “I thought we might meet again, darling. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Rarity, Applejack’s best friend, spa-buddy, and… oh, yes. Future wife.” The pegasus slipped on the lip of the hole, kicking down a little dirt before quickly righting herself. “And I’m Rainbow Dash! Applejack’s bestest-best-friend, sports rival, and future wife.” Autumn waved upwards. “I’m Autumn Blaze. But, uh, why are you two be working together? She can only marry one of us.” Rarity laughed coyly into a hoof. “Oh, darling. While you and the others battle it out in endless stalemate like brutes, some of us are canny enough to play the long game. I merely have to delay you all to win her heart as I slowly build towards my final move. The perfect ring, the perfect date and moment and Horoscope, and I shall strike without mercy and win the perfect mare. Strong, twangy, loving Applejack!” “Long game, right, same for me!” Rainbow puffed out her wings. “I’m totally playing the long game, and definitely not getting to her first every day and chickening out! I just need to stop everyone else until I work up the… I mean, until my plans and stuff r...ripen? Yeah, ripen! Like an apple! An apple named Applejack, with a butt like KAPOW and legs like HRRGH!” “Well...” Autumn eyed the smooth walls and shrugged. “You got me. I guess you’re going home now, what with the ‘long game’ and all?” “Heck no!” Rainbow blurted. Even from down here, Autumn could see her blush. “I’m running to her right now and we’re going to make AWESOME KISSIES!” “But Rainbow, daaaahling,” Rarity purred, sidling up alongside her. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” “Like what?” Rarity swung her butt into Rainbow’s, knocking her to the pit. The pegasi yelped and fell, right next to Autumn on the feather bed. “Surely you remember?” Rarity smirked down at them. “Applejack is mine.” She closed her eyes, put a hoof to her mouth, and laughed with a musical “Wa-ha-ha!” “What ever happened to waiting for the perfect moment?” Autumn asked. “Oh, daaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhling,” Rarity said. “Who am I kidding? There will be Applejack, and there will be moi meme. It will be perfect no matter what. Especially now that no one can get in my way.” Rainbow floated out of the hole, flapping her wings. Rarity hiccuped. “Wa-ha. Right.” Magic glowed at her horn, and Rainbow’s wings snapped shut. “Cheating unicorns!” Rainbow yelped. She fell, but caught Rarity’s hoof on the way. The nasal shriek mixed with a ladylike wail as they both tumbled down next to Autumn. A click sounded from beneath the bed, and bars slid over the pit opening. Rarity laid on her back, staring upwards. “Ah, of course. I had these installed the last time Rainbow escaped, the weight calibration must be off.” They sat in silence, blinking. At least it was comfortable. A voice came from above, soft but growing louder over the creak of wooden wheels. “Hay-fries, pastries, water!” “Apple Bloom!” they all shouted. Soon enough, the filly’s face peered into sight. “Let us out!” Apple Bloom tested the bars with her hoof. “On the house if you wait til evening. Otherwise, use of the electric saw is fifty bits.” “I don’t have that,” Rainbow confessed. She looked to Autumn, and Autumn shrugged. “I do, but...” Rarity hesitated, then narrowed her eyes. “That would just let Rainbow escape! Apple Bloom, darling, how much for a rope?” “Extra twenty, same deal if you wait.” “I can’t do both,” Rarity hissed under her breath before calling up in pleasant tones. “You’re such a good friend for my sister, Apple Bloom. It is always such a treat when you come over my house.” “Thank you, kindly.” “So can I pay you tomorrow?” “No can do, Miss Rarity. The construction workers for our new clubhouse don’t take credit, so neither can I.” “Drat,” Rarity huffed. Apple Bloom paused a moment, eyeing her cart. “Tell you what: I did make some apple cookies that got smooshed a little under the grill. I’ll throw ‘em in free if you get drinks and a meal.” “Ooh, that’s a good deal!” Rainbow called. “One peppered carrot, two bags of hay-chips, one cider. What are you getting, Autumn?” “Um… what can you grill?” “Just carrots and haydogs for now, I’m out of hayburger supplies.” “Right, two haydogs, wheat buns, all fixings, peppers if you have them. Plus water.” “Coming right up,” Applebloom called. “Rarity?” The fashionista sighed dramatically. “Oh, fine – I suppose we’ll be having a little soiree down here for a few hours. I would like a salad with no cheese, dressing, carrots, croutons, onions, or tomatoes. Do you have tea?” “Iced tea.” “That’s a ‘no,’ then, darling. Just water.” They tossed up the money after a few tries to get the distance right. Apple Bloom lowered the food down in a basket on a rope, then dropped the rope. The trio ate, chatting and giggling over their favorite parts of Applejack: Rarity the legs, Rainbow the butt, Autumn the freckles (and butt). When the sun dipped low, Apple Bloom returned with the electric saw and let them out. She offered the rope, but Rainbow flew the other two out so they wouldn’t get dirty against the pit’s wall. “Autumn, do you have a place to stay?” Rarity asked as they left the darkened orchard. “Um… no.” Autumn blushed and looked away. “I, um, kind of counted on staying with Applejack.” “Don’t we all,” Rarity murmured. “Fear not, darling. You may stay in my guest room.” “Thanks, but are you sure? Won’t we just be at it again tomorrow?” “Darling, no!” Rarity scoffed, but it was a companionable laugh. “Tomorrow is Sunday, the day of rest. Then on Monday and for the week we mustn’t pursue her because she is too busy and we should not interfere with her Very Important Work. Saturday at sunrise, we may try again. May the best mare win, I would say, but it seems uncouth to wish luck to myself.” Autumn bobbed her head. “Jeez, thanks a bunch. Is there anything I can do for you in return?” “Oh no, darling. Enjoy the sights. Plan your next move. Pine for Applejack from afar. On Saturday we shall again be foes, but until then mi casa es su casa.” “Wait… I know!” Autumn hopped with excitement. “When I marry Applejack, you can be a bridesmaid!” The smile flattened on Rarity’s face. “Oh, darling. Dahling...” “It. Is. On.” And this is WarThere she was, at her family’s apple stand. A hero of the world and especially the kirin, yet hard at work with endless humility. Freckles like stars across her face, beneath pure green pools that shined with everything that was good. Her body was wider and tougher than most mares, bulked with muscle that did not break the soft down of her orange coat. Small pocks and imperfections from her labor may have damaged the beauty of others, but with Applejack they finished the masterpiece her parents gave to the world. A mare of honest beauty, within and without. They made small talk as Applejack bagged her order. It was too public, too noisy for anything more. The perfect mare needed the perfect moment. Besides, it would have been rude to disturb her while farming, or now while she was busy selling apples. “And here ya go!” Applejack helped lift the sack of apples into Autumn’s saddle bag. “It’s real nice to see you again, girl. How long will you be in town?” ‘As long as it takes,’ was the correct answer, but Autumn went with another truth. “It might be a while. Rarity offered me work teaching her about our fashion, and helping her design kirin-style dresses.” “Aw, that’s sweet. I’m glad to see you two getting along.” “Yeah, she’s great.” Even more so than Applejack guessed. The work gave Autumn money, and staying in Rarity’s guest room let her save it. Come Saturday they would be enemies, but until then Rarity was the most wonderful, generous pony Autumn had ever met. Next to Applejack, of course. It occurred to Autumn that this might be her last time seeing Applejack before becoming her fiance. The thought brought heat to her face, and she dashed away. On Saturday, Autumn awoke to find herself tied to the bed, gagged, and with a ring on her horn blocking her magic. She could hear Rarity in the other room, humming to herself as she primped and primed herself for the day. The mare walked in on Autumn wearing a dazzling blue dress, touching up the last bit of lipstick. “Good morning, dahling. Nice and cozy, I see.” She wa-ha-ha’d a little into her hoof. “Now. Sweetie will ungag and feed you breakfast after I am on the road. She’ll also do the other meals if I am late. While I don’t expect it to take that long to outwit my rivals and woo Applejack, she and I shall be quite busy kissing and planning our marriage. Toodles!” Rarity returned very late that evening. She appeared before Autumn covered in a mix of tree sap and strawberry juice, hardened such that her mane and tail resembled bloodied barbwire. Grumbling something about evil pegasi, she undid Autumn’s bonds and retreated to the shower. Next Saturday, Autumn crept out of the boutique before the crack of dawn. She left pillows under the blankets to make it look like she was still in bed. She also filled a bucket with cherry juice and left it balanced atop the cracked door of her room. She hid in the bushes. A crash, splash, and feminine scream came from the boutique. Autumn turned and dashed to the orchard. No offense to Rarity, of course. She was a good pony, and a great teacher. Autumn sped, but not as recklessly as before. She entered the orchard careful and swift, avoiding the clear road to trot through the trees. Her eyes moved constantly, left, right, and up. Her tufted ears sat erect, alert for any strange noise. Leaves crunched merrily under her hooves – it was the season of red leaves, cool weather, and apples. Apples and Autumn. They belonged together. Leaves crunched again, this time capped by a menacing ‘click.’ An automated speaker played one of Coloratura’s pop singles, and the plate of a hidden catapult launched Autumn Blaze from the orchard. Autumn stumbled back to the Carousal Boutique, sore and covered in tree sap. She sulked, watching the bathroom mirror as Rarity washed out her mane. “Perhaps,” Rarity said carefully, hooves sudsy with pink shampoo. “We might make a truce? At least until we get to the orchard each morning. It’s in both our interests to not have a coin-flip chance of losing before we even begin.” Autumn nodded. “That sounds good, yeah.” Autumn awoke next Saturday tied to the bed. Rarity ran out the door in her night clothes, unleashing a shrill “WA-HA-HA, DAHLING!” No mistakes this time. Autumn awoke in her hotel room, primed and ready. She crept out her window, not even trusting the neutral ground. She hesitated outside the orchard, then walked forwards at a long angle pointing only generally towards the farmhouse. Away from the road, which would see the fiercest battles. Hopefully the odd path would avoid any traps. Autumn was more alert than ever, but moved quickly. She hopped, bounding step by step by step. Moving this quickly would let her get off a catapult before it launched. Crunch, crunch went the leaves. A smell on the air. Chocolate and caramel. She ducked, and a plate full of melted candies sailed overhead. Autumn wasn’t armed, but there were plenty of mushy, fallen apples on the ground. She returned fire with powerful kicks, sending gooey brown bombs to where the strike had come. She shot twice and ran, avoiding a cupcake aimed for her face. Oddly, her enemy proved a duo of ponies working together in alliance. A cream-colored earth pony and mint unicorn, heaving their precious ammunition in vain effort before Autumn dodged behind a tree. They settled to sniping, with wormy apples and confections sailing back and forth whenever there was a chance of hitting. “Surrender!” the unicorn screeched. “Applejack shall be our wife and daughter!” “Lyra, do I really have to be involved with this?” the other grumbled. “She lost her parents, Bon-Bon,” Lyra said. “It’s so sad. We have to adopt her so she won’t be alone anymore!” “But why does she have to be your wife?” “Our wife, sweetie. She’s the same age as us so we can’t only adopt her. We need to make her our wife, too.” The bombardment lessened, as though one pony turned to stare at the other. “What?” “Trust me, Bonnie. This is the only way.” They would continue firing until they ran out of pastries and retreated, never realizing Autumn took advantage of the confusion to slip away. For the next fifteen minutes, the tantalizingly-exposed target Lyra and Bon-Bon aimed for was a watermelon with a smiley face drawn on. Autumn ran on. It was working! No traps, no more rivals. Sounds of cartoon violence came from the orchards behind, but it was distant and faded. She even zig-zagged her path in case this was anticipated, then realized delay might prove fatal and broke into a sprint. The orchard cleared at once, to a lawn of tall wild grass outside a red barn and house. And there she was, with Celestia’s sun upon her. Orange coat glistening with honest sweat, bringing in two heaping buckets of fresh apples. Freckled and friendly, with soft lips and loving eyes. Autumn sprang forwards. Angels sang. The wind blew only enough to dramatically wave her hair, and birds flew alongside. ...Wait, no, not birds. Just one bird. A very dumb, pegasus bird named Strawberry Sunrise. They slowed, then stopped, blinking dumbly at each other. Strawberry landed, face in a snarl. She puffed out her wings to appear larger. Autumn hissed and mrowled, bending low and flexing the claws on her spiked hoof. “Aw, hiya girls!” Instantly the pair stood normally and turned to Applejack with wide grins. They even edged close to show Applejack that they were in fact not about to fight but were very good friends because they were friendly ponies which is a plus for any romantic partner. Applejack shrugged out of her her load, then trotted to them with innocent cheer. “Applebuck season, don’t’cha know. What can I do you for?” Autumn couldn’t confess in front of her rival. Strawberry would turn it into a fight, and all would be lost. Besides, her presence hardly made things romantic and tender. “I came… to help with the harvest!” Autumn said, suddenly alight with idea. All she needed was Applejack alone for a while, then… “Me too!” Strawberry added. She then huffed and looked away. “I mean, apples are way heavier and harder to reach and stupider than strawberries, so I figured you needed a hoof. It’s not because I like you or anything, bakka.” Their mouths maintained the friendly expression. Their eyes met with smoldering rage. The chance, ruined. Not unless the other departed willingly, and that would not happen. Admittedly, Applejack’s radiant grin made this all worthwhile. Almost. “Wow, thank you both kindly! Hitch yourself to some carts, and let’s get bucking!” The short, blue pegasus patiently held the map still, giving explanation as Autumn Blaze studied it. “No, no. I’m with the group trying to adopt Applejack. You’re with the group trying to marry her. We come in from the north side of the orchard, you need to come in from Ponyville or it doesn’t count.” Autumn awkwardly tried to wipe off the mushed apple from the mare’s head. “Aw, geez. I’m so sorry, Miss, um...” “‘Missus,’ actually.” The pegasus smiled with motherly patience. “Windy Whistles.” A high-pitched scream came from behind, slowly increasing in volume. “I’d buy you some water to wash off, but I don’t hear Apple Bloom anywhere nearby.” “It’s quite alright. Ha, you should have seen my first day here, I stumbled right into...” The source of the scream dashed between them: Lyra in full war-paint like the unicorn Celts of old, bearing a squeaky hammer she used to knock out Windy. The last thing Autumn saw was Lyra’s hammer cleaving from one blow to the next, right towards her face. It was pricey, but Apple Bloom had started carrying a barrel of cider on-tap in her cart, and there was nothing wrong with a little indulgence. Autumn sat on a fallen log, balancing the purchased hayburger on her lap while setting her mug carefully to the side. Cherry Jubilee sat next to her with an order of grilled carrots, while the newcomer paced irately as he wolfed down his haydog. “It’s really not fair,” Trenderhoof moaned for the third time. He was a brown pony, in a green Hemline-brand sweater and glasses. “Oh sure, it’s pathetic when a stallion pines for dear Applejack, but when you all do everypony thinks it’s cute.” Cherry dabbed primly at her lips with a napkin. “Aw, I’m sorry, sugar-bear. Does the rich Canterlot unicorn think life is unfair?” Autumn nodded. “Yeah, dude. Why don’t you tell her again how much you admire ‘earth pony work ethic?’ Chicks dig microaggressions.” “How is that bad?” “You literally used her race as a conversation topic because you don’t actually know anything about her!” “Knock it off,” Trenderhoof snapped. “The sole foundation for your so-called relationship is Applejack pulling you off a literal cliff after your own people exiled you for being annoying. She needs someone who can appreciate her beauty! Her figure! Someone educated enough to pick her out from the herd, not just chasing the barest threads of personal connection. Someone who–” Autumn had ordered her hayburger with an inadvisable quantity of ketchup for just such a moment. It splattered into Trenderhoof’s face and he fell to the ground. Cherry gave her a winning smile. “Nice work, darlin’. I’ll treat you for your real lunch, what’ll it be?” Autumn beamed. “Another hayburger, this one just with–” A cherry pie hit the side of her head. Autumn cursed silently as she fell, having slipped and forgotten the most important rule: never trust a pony who calls you ‘darling.’ It took time, but the moment came again. Autumn was quick, lucky, and good. She hopped from one of Rara’s traps before it sprung, out-dueled Strawberry in a fair fight, and used the looted fruit of her namesake to take out Rainbow Dash. Again, she came to the relative clearing that was the Apple family lawn. And again, Autumn saw the most beautiful mare in Equestria, hard at work with her beloved apples. Although Applejack didn’t seem to be working at the moment; she stood facing away from Autumn, still and quiet. Autumn glanced to each side, then behind. Nopony else in sight! After so many weeks, the chance to finally propose to Applejack sent a weakness through Autumn’s legs. She approached, breath catching in her throat, only managing a weak “H-hey, Applejack.” Applejack turned slowly. There was no enthusiasm, none of her usual zest for life. Her smile was wide, but lacked its gleam. Her green eyes turned in endless spirals of green and black. “...Howdy,” she mumbled as though sleepwalking. “Whoa.” Autumn stopped in front, working to keep her smile up. “You okay, Applejack?” “Yep...” Applejack said, pausing after each word. “Just… peachy… getting… married… soon.” “Love-bug, who is that?” A regal voice oozed from the barn. Green eyes peered out from the shadows, and out walked a black, bug-like pony, twice as tall as Autumn. A twisted crown sat on her head, and fangs slipped out over her smirk. “My… friend…” Applejack said dully. “No, no, no.” Queen Chrysalis shook her head, clicking her tongue in condescension. “Remember, love-bug? She’s not me, and so is no one important.” “Hey!” Autumn growled. She clawed the earth, ready to charge. “What did you do to her?” Chrysalis huffed and glared back. “Oh, isn’t that always the case? A changeling wants to marry a pony and you clutch your pearls and wail about mind-control. Why is it so hard to believe she loves me, you racist?” “Because you’re Queen Chrysalis!” Chrysalis snarled, breaking the glare-off to look away. “Damn, she’s got me there.” “And you, uh...” Autumn shuffled. “I mean her eyes actually have little spirals in them. So yeah, you definitely hypnotized her.” “Fine!” Chrysalis barked. “So what if I did? That won’t make the marriage illegitimate, I checked. This time next week, we shall have a beautiful royal wedding, and then Applejack will be all mine!” She grimaced, still looking away. “We were going to have it this week, but the venue was… ew. Never use FlimFlam’s Discount Matrimony Services. It’s cheap, but not even worth the price. Autumn puffed out her chest as large as she could. “Why are you doing this?” “Isn’t it obvious?” Chrysalis mused. She stroked under Applejack’s chin, smiling as the mare failed to react. Autumn’s puff shrunk a little. “Well… yes, now that I think about it. She’s the most perfect mare who ever was. Kind, friendly, funny, strong…” Chrysalis interrupted with a loud, evil laugh. “You little fool! I suppose there’s a reason I’m queen and you aren’t.” She grinned evilly down towards Autumn. “I don’t care about how great she is, it’s about what I can get. I control Applejack, I control the apples. I control the apples, and Equestria is mine!” “You’ll never get away with this!” Autumn yelled. “You’re just a gold-digging old mare. She deserves someone who loves her!” “Oh, what are you talking about?” Chrysalis sneered. “She’ll be perfectly happy with her new life as my apple-harvesting slave. But enough talk.” She gestured. Bright blue eyes winked open in the darkened barn. Changelings emerged, dozens of them. Crouched and snarling. No way for her to take them all. Autumn turned, tearing her gaze from the terrible sight. She sprinted, though nothing pursued save Chrysalis’ mocking laugh. Still, she kept running. Too many for her to fight alone. Not much time, but a little time. She needed help. Autumn never stopped running til the familiar Boutique came to sight. Panting, she forced her exhausted legs to bound inside and up to the bathroom. Rarity sat there dejectedly, following her usual Saturday night routine of making Sweetie Belle wash tree sap from her mane. “Rarity!” Autumn gasped. She collapsed in the doorway. Rarity hustled over, dripping suds from her mane. She held up Autumn’s head, and the exhausted kirin’s yellow eyes blinked, then narrowed with grim determination. Autumn gripped Rarity’s hoof with her own. “Rarity,” she said again, this time at a tired whisper. But her eyes held the unicorn’s, and with iron will she delivered her message. “I need you to call… a soiree.” Love is a BattlefieldRarity was a master at rallying soirees on short notice. It was actually part of her cutie mark – diamonds implied wealth, which made ponies want to be around you. Technically it was only a proper ‘soiree’ if everyone there was rich but no one had ever told that to Rarity. At least it felt like a soiree, with the tea and tiny sandwiches. Autumn and Sweetie Belle hauled up a banquet table for the main room of the Boutique, with enough chairs for everypony. Autumn had never had so many eyes on her at once. She swallowed her nerves and explained quickly, hoping to at least get it out before the angry mob formed to save Applejack. But the story ended, and they hadn’t moved. Every one of her romantic rivals remained seated, watching her with stone expressions or glancing to each other, munching quietly. Finally, it was cool, sturdy Bon-Bon who spoke up. “What’s your angle?” “Huh?” “Why are you telling us this?” Maybe she was stupid. “Because we need to rescue Applejack and I can’t do this on my own!” “Or you know she’ll be elsewhere and want to lure us all in the wrong direction so you can have her to yourself.” Bon-Bon folded her hooves, smirking. “You’re dealing with a secret agent, kirin. The most obvious answer is usually correct.” Strawberry Sunrise cut in. “Or she wants us gathered in one place so she can get us all with a giant net and steal Applejack away.” “What?” Autumn asked. “Who would do that?” They all looked at Rarity, who grinned with embarrassment. “It would have worked if Applejack had been home that day.” “But I’m not lying!” Autumn screeched. “Ah-HA!” Rainbow stomped a front hoof on the table and pointed the other. “That’s EXACTLY what a liar would say! Checkmate, Autumn!” A stuttering ‘wa-ha-ha’ claimed the table. “There’s no need to get angry, darlings.” Bon-Bon leaned back in her seat. “Aw, I’m not angry. Sorry if I came off that way.” “Yeah, no, it was a good idea.” Strawberry bobbed her head. “All’s fair in love and war. Honestly, Autumn, I’m impressed. I had you pegged for an innocent idiot and you came up with a pretty evil scheme. I’ll have to watch out for you.” “It’s not a scheme...” Autumn said, but it was no use. Her voice trailed off as the others resumed chatting, eating, laughing. She looked down. The merriment went on around her. Had to try. She spoke again, though it took a few minutes to say it loud enough to hear. “What can I do to make you trust me?” Silence. The assembled mares looked at each other, murmured, and shrugged. “Sorry, sugar-cube,” Cherry Jubilee drawled. “So long as you’re our rival, we can’t trust you with anything Applejack-related. T’ain’t personal, you know.” That seemed like the end of things. But it wasn’t. Not quite. Autumn saw the answer, plain as day. She thought of Applejack. Honest, kind, strong enough to crush watermelons between her thighs. Autumn thought that was hot. Don’t judge. Her love. The one. Enslaved, mindlessly farming for Chrysalis’ profit. And only one way to save her, to make them listen. Autumn spoke without thinking, feared that any hesitation would rob her courage to say it. “Fine!” It came out shrill, loud, once more seizing their attention. Her eyes burned, but she blinked and snuffed the embers. “Then I won’t compete for Applejack anymore. I won’t be a rival.” They gasped. Rarity fainted. “So believe me when I say we need to save her!” “Is this a trick?” Rara asked. “No,” Autumn replied with deathly absolution. She moved her hoof in familiar motions. “I will no longer compete with you all for Applejack’s love. Cross my heart, hope to fly...” “WAIT!” Rarity grabbed her limb, having recovered instantly from the faint. “Autumn, if you take this oath it will bind you forever! You’ll lose all chance of winning Applejack!” Autumn met eyes with her, and slowly pulled the hoof from her grasp. “...Stick a cupcake in my eye!” She used a metaphorical cupcake, because soirees did not have real ones. Silence fell, broken by Rainbow after a long moment. “Holy skit, she’s for real.” Rarity clasped her hooves, staring into the tablecloth. “It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Now that I think about it. If Chrysalis controls the apples… why, Canterlot is next! It will be the end of Equestria!” “Should we tell Princess Twilight?” Trenderhoof asked. Nobody listened. “Forget Canterlot!” Strawberry snarled. “I’m not losing Applejack to some jerkwad who will just use her to harvest gross, tasteless apples! Let’s show those changelings what happens when you steal my mare!” Others yelled their agreement. Cherry raised a pitchfork. Lyra lit a torch, which set off the smoke alarm. Rarity stomped her hoof on the table for order. “Quiet, quiet darlings! We need a plan. Lyra, put that out.” She turned off the alarm and waited until Lyra came back from the sink. “Everypony, it’s late. We’re not ready, and those of us who are gorgeous enough to be worthy of Applejack need our beauty sleep. Gather supplies as best you can, and tomorrow morning we shall take back Sweet Apple Acres!” Agreement was general, and enthusiastic. Ponies filed out, leaving only Autumn and Rarity. “Should we really wait til tomorrow?” Autumn asked. “That’s the day Chrysalis said she’d marry Applejack.” “Of course, darling!” Rarity tutted. “Why, just imagine! An evil wedding that will give the villain all which they dream and then, ‘I object!’ And the white unicorn charges forth, leading her allies to save her true love!” She seemed to catch something in Autumn’s expression and stumbled on. “B-but of course, we wouldn’t even have this chance if you hadn’t discovered Queen Chrysalis’ scheme. I’m sure when Applejack is freed she will give you full credit for saving her and that you two will be… um, very good friends.” Autumn turned turned to the living room, but a heavy thud caused her to look back. Rarity now laid prone, looking up to her with teary eyes. “Darling, why, why did you make that promise? I can’t save you from it or release you, that’s not how it works. I can’t help you.” Again, Autumn said nothing. She met Rarity’s eyes and turned away, going up the stairs. No point running from the guest room. Not anymore. Autumn awoke gagged and tied to the bed-frame. “MMPH!” To her credit, Rarity was already untying her. “So sorry, darling! Force of habit.” The work was completed quickly, and they armed themselves for the trial ahead. Autumn took several of Sweetie Belle’s baking projects that had been ripening in the fridge: all with a black, crusty exterior, perfect for keeping in the slimy, smelly insides until they burst. Rarity took a Glock pistol and knife. They gathered with the others outside Sweet Apple Acres. Some wore helmets, or had pillows strapped to their chests for armor. Cherry Jubilee arrived hitched to a small cart of pies, while others carried old fruit, bedposts, and flanged maces. Bon-Bon wore sunglasses with a black suit and tie, and Lyra carried a hand grenade. The road in would surely be watched, and the woods around were too dense for their ammunition cart. But there was another way, a hidden path into Sweet Apple Acres known only to blood relatives. Applebloom approached without her wagon, eyes wide and lips trembling. “Miss Rarity, did you… did you mean it, what you said in the letter?” “Every word, darling.” Rarity said. “Applejack is in great danger of marrying somepony who isn’t good enough for her. We have to act fast, and now’s not the time to be stingy. Every bit promised in the letter will be yours.” The small girl wiped at her eyes, smiling innocently up to Rarity. “Shucks, this is my family we’re talking about. I won’t charge you, just follow me. I’ll get you there, sure as sure.” Rarity smiled back. Then pounced, tackling Applebloom. She lifted and fell back, plowing the filly’s head into the dirt. “TALK, CHANGELING!” Rarity screeched. “WHERE ARE THEY?” “YOUR QUEST IS IN VAIN!” Applebloom hissed, growing fangs and a forked tongue. “QUEEN CHRYSALIS SHALL MAKE THE HIVE GREAT AGAIN! WE SHALL...” They trussed and gagged her and tossed her into the cart. “They know we’re coming,” Rara fretted. “And they have Applebloom. No chance of a resupply.” “Then we move fast, right down the main road.” Rainbow pointed. “If any attack us before the farm, that just means fewer we have to take all at once. Most will be at the wedding.” “And we have to get there in time,” Autumn said. “Right. let’s do this.” They moved quickly, eyes sharp and shoulder to shoulder along the well-trod path. Rainbow ranged ahead, triggering a few pit traps before anyone fell in. Not dangerous, but delays they couldn’t afford. “I made those,” Lyra confessed, nervously shuffling her grenade in magic’s grip. “Sorry.” Bon-Bon glanced to her, then looked sharply. “Lyra, where did you get a grenade?” “I don’t know.” No changelings. No challenge. It was evident their only resistance would come at the homestead itself. They saw the change even from a distance – white banners hung from the barn and house, with a raised platform and black swarm around. Arrival brought clarity to the scene. Queen Chrysalis tittered bashfully on the platform in a flowing, beautiful white dress. Next to her stood Applejack, with spiraling eyes and muddy hooves as though simply plucked from her workday. Applebloom and Granny Smith sat bound and gagged on front row seats. Macintosh also was tied, but he sat in the middle of the crowd. Dozens of female changelings surrounded him: cooing, giggling, blushing, and hanging on his every twitch and muffled word. The male changelings sat across the aisle, looking miffed and grumpy. All of the newcomers shrieked “I object!” as they burst into the clearing, but with no synchronization it came off as an indistinct war cry. The changelings clattered from their seats, over a hundred strong. Several of the females formed protectively around Big Mac, hissing more at each other than the newcomers. Chrysalis laughed; a shrill, evil ‘Oh-ho-hooooo!’ “Welcome to my wedding, fools! Would you like to stay for the banquet? We’re having the drained love of a dozen idiots!” She gestured languidly. The massed changelings began to advance. There were… a lot of them. Autumn glanced to each side, seeing fear and determination on her former rivals. Strawberry swallowed thickly. Rainbow and Rarity shook hooves. Autumn stepped out, in front of the others. She turned to them, smiling gently. “For Applejack,” she whispered. They nodded, steeled by the cause. She turned to lead the charge. “WAIT!” Several mares stomped from the woods north of the barn. Autumn recognized Windy Whistles from before, now walking stiffly on hockey skates. There was also a white unicorn, the town mayor, and others, all middle-aged or older. Windy’s wings flapped her upright, and she struck her blades hard enough to light a spark. “The mares who want to adopt Applejack are in agreement: there is no way, no how that our future daughter is marrying Chrysalis. She’s a gold digger, her hygiene is poor, and she’s way too old for our precious little apple. This wedding is canceled by order of… of whichever of us is her future mom!” “Oh nooooooo,” Chrysalis said lowly, smirking. “The milf brigade has arrived. Whatever shall I d–” A gunshot gave her and everyone a start. Another gang stormed from the western side. A trio of grey ponies, Cheerilee, Fluttershy, and a pink unicorn with a smoking revolver pointed to the sky. “Sorry, bugbutts,” the unicorn called. “I’m Sugar Belle, Macintosh’s future wife, and these are my rivals. I don’t care about the orange one, but you made a killer mistake kidnapping our big, beefcake husbando just for your stupid scheme or whatever. Did we make it before the vows? I don’t even care, because one way or another the marriage ends when you die, Chrysalis!” Chrysalis blinked wide and waved her hooves down. “Whoa, walk it back a step. If you guys are this psycho I think he’s better off with my–” “Sorry we’re late!” Four strange, furless apes jogged from the east orchard, all carrying switchblades or baseball bats. Two seemed to be imitators of Rainbow Dash and Rarity, while the other two were yellow. One of these had orange poofy hair, while the speaker and apparent leader was a redhead. “Traffic was killer… anyway, the Alliance of Human-World Applejack Appreciators didn’t have any skin in this game until you came along, Queen Chrysalis! I don’t know what effect your marrying our precious, freckled angel’s pony clone will have on her, but any risk is too great. For the good of our planet, we’re annulling this wedding by any. Means. Necessary!” Chrysalis blinked even wider at these newcomers, then closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “My god. I’m Queen Chrysalis and even I’m over here going ‘what the hell is the matter with these people?’” “Well, enough.” She stood, tall and imperious, and gestured grandly to her changelings. “Minions! Crush them, bind them, and I shall drain their love for my own! Um, and for you all, of course. Trickle-down means that everyone will prosper.” “WAIT!” “What now?” Chrysalis hissed, turning to the new speaker. Mayor Mare spoke, walking out from the motherhood team. “We need ground rules before we begin.” Chrysalis’ annoyance cooled, and she gave a nod. “Yes, that makes sense. No grabbing of the hair.” “Yes. And no stabbing, slashing, or firearm weapons. I think that covers everything.” “Agreed.” Chrysalis said, then called out. “You heard it. If any of you have those weapons, drop them now.” There were mutters and grumbles among all parties, but also a rustle as weapons were deposited to the grass. Changelings pulled switchblades and derringers from their wings and dropped them. Rarity grumbled as she set down her knife, but left the holster carefully in her inside leg. “Rarity!” Autumn hissed. The unicorn grinned guiltily. “Wa-ha?” “I don’t want to lose on a forfeit. Drop it!” “Oh, fine, darling.” Rarity sulkily deposited the pistol, and took up a pie from Cherry’s cart. “We’re still outnumbered,” Strawberry said. “Everypony, if this doesn’t go well… it’s been fun. I’ve had a great time competing with all you.” She cracked a grin at Autumn, and Autumn grinned back. Then she turned to the front. United, but surrounded, the changelings were taking a defensive stance. Inspiration struck. “Rainbow Dash, Strawberry!” All were pumping themselves up for the charge, and turned curiously to Autumn. She spoke on quickly. “Take as many pies as you can carry and bomb them from above. They’re so tightly packed you can hardly miss. Cherry, hitch yourself with the cart ahead of you. Rara and I will ride inside, throwing pies until we run out. Barrel into them; head right for the stage. The rest of you, follow our opening as best you can and keep them off Cherry. We’re still outnumbered, so we have to use our mass and pastries to even the odds.” Most nodded. Strawberry hesitated. “If you’re on the cart, then you reach Applejack first.” Autumn flashed her a smaller smile. “I’m not a rival anymore, remember?” “Right, right.” Strawberry cawed a laugh and grabbed a stack of pies. “Let’s do it. See you in hell, kirin!” “See you in hell, bird-brain.” And they charged, led by a blue blur and rainbow streak. Autumn stood up in the cart, feeling the wind blow out her thick mane behind her. From her vantage point, she could see the other groups strike – all of them fierce, but outnumbered against the tightly-packed foe. Already the initial charges were being thrown back, though the Macintosh rivals were making headway with raw ferocity. But the changeling females had counter-attacked, screeching and hissing, fighting as wildly as their opponents. Yet the battle had just begun. Pies began falling from on high, not only striking changelings, but disrupting and discouraging them as they dove for cover, crashing into each other. She saw Lyra throw her grenade for a double-hit: it clocks a changeling square in the face, flew upwards, then landed on another. It did not explode. Suddenly, Autumn had no time for the larger picture. Her cart lurched into the throng, trampling changelings and sending others to flight. She hurled pie after pie alongside Rara, striking them down to each side. Autumn chanced a look backwards. Rarity engaged with karate skills she’d never have expected from the posh mare. Bon-Bon had on a thick lead horseshoe while Lyra swung a golf club whilst screaming. But other changelings were filling in behind the meager breakthrough and the ponies were hard pressed. Even now the two unicorns were dragged down, and Bon-Bon leaped frantically to help them. No choice. “Faster, Cherry!” The mare grunted and complied, barreling forwards with pursuit closing behind. Momentum and the wide, durable cart was all that preserved them now. A scream brought Autumn’s attention back front. Changelings had seized Rara and were pulling her from the cart. Their eyes met. Rara could hold on for dear life, bringing the charge to a screeching halt. Or… “Fly, you fools,” Rara breathed. She let go, disappearing into the swarm. No more pies. Autumn looked forward. There was the stage, and the last few changelings in the way were overrun. Still no choice. She said nothing, letting Cherry careen forwards at full speed. Autumn braced, but was still thrown clear as the cart crashed into the flimsy stage, tossing all occupants to the ground. She opened her eyes, feeling warm grass beneath her. Her dizzy gaze focused, and found the most beautiful green gems in the world staring back at her. “Autumn?” Applejack murmured. She blinked hard, as though coming up from a long sleep. “What’s going on?” Green magic seized the farmer, hoisting her to the air. “Applejack!” Autumn cried. She leaped, but a blast of green slime slammed and glued her to the ground. Chrysalis loomed above. Her dress was in tatters and her face locked in a vicious, angry grin. “Aww… so close, and yet so far! You’ve ruined my wedding, so congratulations on that. But you failed, little kirin. The moment I kiss her, the ceremony will be complete and Applejack will be all mine!” Autumn struggled against the gooey bonds to no avail. Applejack thrashed in the magic’s grip, leaning back as Chrysalis brought her in close. Though her body hovered helplessly, her hooves were free. Applejack swung, belting Chrysalis with a solid right hook. Chrysalis staggered and spat out a fang, moving Applejack beyond hoof’s reach. “Put me down, you low-down dirty varmit! I wouldn’t marry you iffin’ you were the last–” Quick as a viper, Chrysalis brought Applejack in and cuffed her hard across the face. A match lit within Autumn Blaze. “Silence, minion!” Chrysalis growled, pulling in her prize and this time restraining the limbs. “And pucker up.” She paused, sniffing. “...Do you smell fire?” She looked to Autumn to find purple smoke rising from her slime prison. Autumn blazed from it, enraged and in nirik form. She breathed out a tight, controlled gout of flame and crouched, ready to pounce. Chrysalis stood tall. She was bigger, stronger, and more powerful than the little kirin. But Autumn was on fire, and that made things fair. She leaped, latching on to Chrysalis’ face. “This isn’t fair at all!” Chrysalis shrieked, trying to paw off the flaming assailant to no avail. “Oh Celestia, it hurts! I can feel the flames in my nostrils!” “Say uncle!” Autumn growled. “Never!” Chrysalis ran around screaming, trying to slam her head into the ground, shaking, and everything else she could think of to pull Autumn off. But Autumn held firm, roaring her own rage, wrapped firmly around Chrysalis’ head. “It’s burning my hair! I’m in so much pain! Uncle, uncle, uncle! Let me go, I give up!” Autumn obliged, landing hard to the ground. Chrysalis kept screaming, battering her head to the dirt to put out the residual flames. Not terribly worse for wear but now lacking eyelashes, the queen of the changelings flew to the air. “Curse you!” she spat. “One day I shall have my revenge, and Equestria will be mine! Changelings, retreat!” Chrysalis fled, and those changelings who could flee followed. Others laid still, battered into submission during the battle. With the battle over, though, there were no hard feelings. They milled, helping to clean up the damage and both offering and accepting first aid. Lyra’s hand grenade exploded, but fortunately no one was close by. Clean-up took most of the day. Applejack helped as best she could, but was weakened by her time in Chrysalis’ thrall. She sat down on the porch, watching the sun fall low in the horizon. Most of the changelings and rivals had departed, though Autumn remained. As did her own former rivals, none trusting each other to stay alone with Applejack. None objected when Autumn sat down next to her. It was a little easier now – no nervous jitters or tied tongues. Applejack was out of reach, forever. But Applejack was free. She would end up with one of these beautiful ponies who deserved her, who would do right by her. That was a great thing. Autumn could be happy with that. “Thanks for the help,” Applejack said. She turned to Autumn, giving a tired smile. “Same to everyone, but it was you who beat Chrysalis. And Rarity tells me they wouldn’t have even known to come if it wasn’t for you. That’s twice you’ve saved me.” Her tail swished, brushing against Autumn’s before moving away. Autumn returned the smile, faintly. “I’m just glad I could help. Before...” She hesitated, glanced to the others. None met her eyes except Rarity, with hoof to mouth. “...Before I go home. I’m taking the next train back to the Peaks of Peril.” “Maybe I’ll visit again sometime,” Autumn added, but a strong, orange embrace caught her just as she finished. She hugged back, leaning into it as the moon rose over Sweet Apple Acres. Author's Note God this is dumb. I love it. All Mine“Second-class Ponyville to Peaks of Peril. 7:25 P.M.” Autumn arrived early, but that was fine. She settled on one of the hard wooden benches at the station, enjoying the breeze and view of the town. Ponyville was quite a nice place, now that she bothered to look. Flatter and more open than her homeland, but that made it feel friendly and safe. She could see foals play by the neat little fountain in town square, and the Friendship Doom Fortress loom protectively above. A grey blotch became visible in the distance, moving down the railroad tracks. Autumn stood, stretched. Already she could hear the train’s rumble… …Wait, that was coming from the other way. Dust rose, and a familiar band of ponies galloped down the street towards her. Autumn smiled as they arrived, huffing and puffing. She’d already said her goodbyes, but one more wouldn’t hurt. “Aw, you guys came to see me off!” Something about their reactions pricked her doubt. Strawberry Sunrise smirked and rolled her eyes. Cherry and Bon-Bon looked away. “Hello,” Rarity said, touching necks with Autumn in a quick hug. “I’m glad we made it. We… we almost chickened out.” Autumn blinked, still smiling but now it was a ‘I am rather confused’ smile. Rarity swallowed. She stepped back to lock eyes with Autumn. “Darling,” Rarity began. “Autumn. This little competition of ours has been great fun. We all love Applejack. We all want what is best for her. Over the course of our many Saturdays of war, we believed that victory would be its own proof of which of us loved her the most. Whoever loved her most would be the bravest, fastest, and most cunning in their pursuit, for their love would give them the strength to outlast all else. And their victory would justify everything, for whomever triumphed would be the one she deserves. The one whose passion for her burned brightest.” Rarity paused to dab theatrically at her eyes. “But that wasn’t quite right, was it? And it took you to show us, Autumn. You love her so much that you… you were willing to give her up. You sacrificed everything to save her, and I don’t know if any of us would have had that kind of courage. You want Applejack free and happy, no matter with who. No matter if your own chance was gone forever.” “We talked about it,” Rarity continued, and the heads around her nodded. “And we agreed. It is you, Autumn Blaze, who loves her most of all. You who were willing to let her go… deserves to keep her.” Rarity sniffed, and this time her eye-dab was not so theatrical. “And she deserves you. So stay, darling. Stay in Ponyville. Makes her yours.” Autumn gave a bashful grin, but it quickly sank. She looked down, scratching the wooden platform with her clawed hoof. “Aw, geez. Thanks, you guys. I mean it. But I Pinkie Promised, remember? You can’t go back on a Pinkie Promise.” She looked up. Rarity’s tears had disappeared like magic, replaced with a mischievous gleam Autumn knew quite well. The mare unleashed a soft ‘wa-ha-ha’ behind her hoof, then cleared her throat and tried to look serious. “Indeed. You did Pinkie Promise to, quote, not compete with us for Applejack’s love.” Rarity then closed her eyes and brandished one hoof to the air, as though making a Filly Scout promise. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” Cherry followed the motion. “I will no longer compete for Applejack, sugar.” Lyra. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” Strawberry. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” One by one, they all said so. It ended with Rainbow, who brushed her hooves together as though dusting them off. “Wow, will you look at that? We’re all out of the competition too, so you have no one to compete with. Guess that means you can go for her without breaking your promise.” Autumn gasped. Her eyes grew. Her heart grew. Maybe her legs grew, because she somehow gathered them all into a single, fluffy hug. “Hurry darling,” Rarity whispered. “You might catch her before she leaves town for the day. Don’t forget, you promised to make me a bridesmaid!” Autumn released. She paused. Bowed low. Then took off like an arrow. The market square was not far off. She arrived to find Applejack taking down her stall, with the sun creeping low towards the trees. Autumn helped Applejack pack, then hitched herself to the wagon to help pull the load home. They chatted as they worked, and chatted a little more. Every bounce of the wagon brushed their tails together. At least, that was an excuse. Autumn’s tail sometimes lingered atop Applejack’s and Applejack did not shake it off. A few more words passed between them, somehow quieter and more heartfelt. They reached a clearing, and decided to stop and watch the sun go down. They unhitched themselves and sat there, side by side with linked tails. And then… they kissed. Author's Note Thanks for reading!
All’s Fair in Love and WarWheels shrieked, and the train lurched as it ground to a halt. Autumn Blaze picked her head up sharply, but none of the other passengers followed suit. This was normal, or so it seemed. It was Autumn’s first time on a train, and she supposed this made sense – the ride had to stop somehow. She turned back to the window, beaming at the still village outside. Her tasseled tail wagged rhythmically, and her hooves made excited little tip-taps on the bench. She made it. Ponyville. The home of Applejack, her future wife. That came many steps later, of course. First came the dating. The picnics and plays. Adorable nose-nuzzles and kisses on those perfect freckled cheeks. They would wear silken wedding dresses, Autumn would move in on the farm, and they would live happily ever after. There was no doubt in Autumn’s mind. She knew Applejack was the one ever since she laid eyes on her, and everything the mare said and did since only reinforced this. She embraced Autumn’s eccentricity, forgave her outbursts, heard her story, saved the kirin… the one. Love or motion sickness made her legs wobble as she left the train. The Friendship Doom Fortress and other sights of Ponyville stood around, but Autumn was a mare on a mission. The sun above was just beginning its descent – plenty of time to go see Applejack. They would say hi, hug. If Applejack was busy Autumn would help out. If not, she’d ask Applejack to show her around town. There would be ice cream, gossip, freckles. Autumn would shyly drop that she had no place to stay, so Applejack would of course host her because Applejack was a beautiful and generous mare. Of course, her house had no guest rooms (Autumn did not actually know this) so they would share the bed... Autumn pranced through town, barely noticing the world around. She only paused to ask a white unicorn directions to Sweet Apple Acres before speeding towards it on twinkling hooves. Mouth in a smile, she bounced down the warm, well-trod path. The strange, flat fields of Ponyville rapidly gave way to orchards and the subtle, homely smell of apples. How fitting that Applejack lived in a forest, just like the kirin! Yes, a little more organized, but what was an apple orchard if not a tidy forest? Further proof that Autumn and she were a match made in Heaven, not that any more was needed. She saw the farmhouse in the distance. Song bubbled and burst from Autumn’s mouth, to the tune of ‘Yankee Doodle.’ “I am coming for you, AJ, To be your one and only bride! Thighs like thunder And a golden mane And smile, so bright and so wide! Tis I, your one and only sweetheart! I, who love you most of fall...” “...Fall?” A rope caught her hooves, sinfully tied between two apple trees. Autumn pitched forwards, right onto a pile of strange, squishy red fruit that burst under her weight, caking her in sticky juices. She laid, face-down, blinking. She licked her lips. Sweet and tart. A voice came from the side, squeaky like a tuneless violin. First it laughed, then said, “Oh, I wish I had a camera! You should have seen the look on your dumb face.” No steps came, but Autumn heard a light flapping. She turned her head to see a butter-yellow pegasus float from some hiding spot and land on the road. The mare leaned down to Autumn, twisting her lips in an ‘O’ of feigned sadness. “Oooh, you poor dear. No way you can go to Applejack looking like that.” Autumn clambered to her hooves, feeling something like a match strike within her. Her eyes glowed hot, then cooled as she held control. She looked down, seeing red juices coat her legs and chest. “Who are you?” “I’m Strawberry Sunrise, Applejack’s future wife,” the mare said with aggressive, sugary sweetness. She even curtsied a little, and popped one of the small fruits in her mouth. “It’s so nice to meet you.” Autumn shook herself and jabbed a limb towards the mare’s chest. “You can’t be her wife! One, I’m going to be her wife, and two, Applejack is a sweet, beautiful, kind-hearted soul who would never marry some jerk standing in the way of her true love!” Strawberry gave a coy laugh into the back of her hoof. “Says who? Some one-shot recluse loser, pathetically falling in love with the first woman you’ve met who doesn’t treat you like garbage?” “Yeah?” Autumn barked. “Well what are you? A one-shot jerk comically mistaking antagonism for romance?” Strawberry gave a huff. “There is no mistake. Applejack is a witty, smart, fellow-farmer who spars with me every day: strawberries, or tasteless, yucky apples? We are passionate, immovable, undeniable. Never seeing eye-to-eye as two sides of the same coin, united in all else. We shall argue tit-for-tat on our wedding night, and then make fierce and passionate love as rivals and wives.” “Whatever, Trenderhoof.” “You take that back,” Strawberry hissed. “And while you’re at it, you better hope Applejack is into beards.” “RrrrrAnd you better hope she’s into burns!” Her coat went black and her mane turned to hellfire as Autumn let her temper loose and her nirik out to play. Not just for her own bruised ego, but to save Applejack from this harpy! She roared, and her sharp-toothed mouth snapped. Strawberry fearlessly leaped into the air, bringing her hoof down in a powerful kick. Then came a snap, a woosh, and a giant net caught the pegasus mid-fall. Autumn’s eyes traced its work: a mesh net on a clever metal spring, now erect to leave Strawberry dangling like an apple. The red light of a laser motion sensor now was visible, fixed squarely on Strawberry. Whoever had done this was either a technical genius or quite rich. The answer came easily enough, stepping out of the trees like a nervous deer. She was a soft green pony, with black or purple hair that spiraled at its ends with teal highlights. Makeup and eyeliner spoke of high fashion, and manicured hooves picked their way delicately around any mud. She had a kind voice, though one cracked with pent-up anger. “Waylaid another pony with your dirty tricks, Strawberry?” “Look who’s talking!” the pegasus snapped. “I might not like the game, but I’ve learned the rules.” The newcomer gave Autumn a strained smile. “Hi, my name is Coloratura, but you can call me Rara. I’m Applejack’s future wife.” The nirik vanished, leaving only Autumn. Alas, it did not burn off the strawberry juice. “I’m Autumn Blaze, and… uh, same?” “Not hardly, I’m afraid.” Rara gave a small, defensive smile. “Honest, stable, muscular Applejack is my childhood friend, you see. That means I saw her first, and have dibs. I might not have much in common with her, but our tender emotional connection shall see us united in the end.” “Emotional connection?” “Applejack was nice to her.” Strawberry sneered. “She’s nice to everyone, Rara! You have no advantage over the rest of us.” “I called dibs,” Rara huffed. Autumn raised her hoof. “Wait, ‘rest of us?’ How many are...” “Camping with her as a child then transferring to Harvard for Celebrities doesn’t count as dibs, you stupid Moe,” Strawberry called. “Neither does coming home after ditching her for the spotlight to find she’s still nice to you and all of a sudden you think you’re star-crossed. Real romance isn’t about niceness, it’s about passion! Competition and head-butting, so you never grow stale and bored with each other! That’s why I am perfect for Applejack because she...” Autumn tuned out the captured pegasus. “So, um, Rara… I’m new to this. Should we fight?” Rara looked her up and down. “No need. You can’t propose to Applejack looking like that.” It was true. Rara smirked and threw out her hair. “Every weekend I come, because of course I mustn't interrupt my dear future wife while she is working. And every weekend I am delayed and defeated by my rivals. Held up so long that it becomes night when my dear future wife needs her sleep, or dirtied so terribly that I could not show my face to her. Those few times I made it… another did as well! And we had to talk pleasantly and make nice, for of course I cannot propose while the other might interfere, and we cannot fight because Applejack would disapprove of us both.” “No. I’m sorry, Autumn, but it is not enough for me to win. All others must lose. It is a difficult battle, but for the sake of true love I shall fight until my ultimate triumph. And with that, my dear defeated adversaries: adieu!” Rara began trotting down the path, nose to the air and humming some pop tune. Autumn sat dejectedly in the shade of Strawberry’s net. Rara was right – no way could she appear before sweet Applejack smeared with juice. She would have to leave, and Rara would have Applejack all to herself. Noise came, this time from behind. Tan-tipped ears flicked upwards. High, repetitive shouts, growing closer. A twang like Applejack’s, but a shriller voice. “Hay-chips, pastries, water! Get yer hay-chips, pastries, water!” Hope returned to Autumn’s golden eyes. She leaped up, waving the pony closer. “Water! I want some water!” Wheels creaked and rounded a bend, revealing a redheaded filly pulling a cart. “Howdy, stranger! Three bits a bucket for water.” Truly an unfair price, but Autumn wasn’t in any position to argue. The coins clinked into a little jar on the cart. The filly pumped the water from a drum hanging off the side and hoofed it to Autumn. Autumn cheerfully washed herself clean. Then, feeling peckish, she paid another eight bits for more water and an apple turnover and sat down to lunch. “Hi, Apple Bloom,” Strawberry called from above. “Howdy, Strawberry. The usual?” “How much to get me down?” Apple Bloom nodded her head to a pair of pole-handled pruners on the cart. “Same as ever. Twenty bits for it now, complimentary at sundown.” “Shoot, I didn’t bring enough. Just the usual, then.” Four bits dropped into Apple Bloom’s waiting jar. The filly assembled a thick cheese sandwich and peppered carrot, put them in a bag tied to a pole, and raised it up to Strawberry. The sound of quiet munching came from the net as Apple Bloom stowed her gear. “See y’all later,” she said. She tapped the coin jar for a happy little jingle, then trotted off shouting at the top of her lungs. “Hay-chips, pastries, water!” Energized from her meal, Autumn galloped down the path. Her new, prissy rival had a head-start, but wasn’t athletic like Autumn (and Applejack!). A powerful sprint would pass her by. In fact, the passing came a moment later. Rara sat glumly on the road with a crushed, red-filled pie broken over her head. No way could she propose to Applejack like that. Autumn smiled. Froze. Dodged. The crust of a cherry pie brushed against her ears, passing through where her face stood an instant before. Haughty, loud laughter came from a small hill by the road, all from a plump earth pony with a pale yellow coat, crimson hair, and twang that rivaled even Applejack’s. “Well butter my backside and call me Applejack’s future wife, if it isn’t another so-called rival!” The mare casually tossed another pie to the air and caught it, giving a challenging leer. “My name is Cherry Jubilee, boss of Cherry Hill Ranch. I’ve been farming fruit for twenty years and never thought I’d find an equal until the day I met fast, hunky, hard-working Applejack! I knew from the moment I saw those powerful legs buck my trees that she was the one, and ain’t nopony getting in my way!” “Aren’t you a bit old for her?” Autumn said. “MILFs are hot,” Cherry replied. “Besides, Applejack deserves an experienced mare who knows how to please her. Not some, oh I don’t know, hermit recluse who talks to watermelons.” Autumn shook her head, feeling the fire spark within once more. “She deserves someone who loves her for more than her job, old lady! Someone like me, Autumn Blaze!” Cherry looked down sternly. “Don’t fight me. You can’t win, Autumn, I have the high ground.” It was true. Autumn glanced to each side, fruitlessly seeking a way out of her hopeless situation. Salvation, however, came from the rear. A maroon, pink-haired mare appeared behind Cherry and knocked her out cold with a baseball bat. “Oh great, another rival.” The mare stood over Cherry, looking down to Autumn and jamming a hoof at her chest. “Listen up, I don’t have time for long-winded introductions. We’re both here for the same thing, so let’s not waste time. Those thick, beautiful legs and soulful green eyes are calling me to the altar.” “Mare after my own heart,” Autumn growled with a smile. They drew near, circling each other warily. Autumn had the advantage with magic, but she couldn’t channel it without focus. Doing so would make her easy prey for the bat. ...Which admittedly seemed like a bit of an escalation. “Is Cherry gonna be okay?” “Probably.” The newcomer shrugged. “All’s fair in love and war, kirin, and this is both. A war for the heart of the most beautiful farm-pony in the world!” Autumn crouched, ready to spring. “So it would seem. I’ll crush you and everypony else who gets in my way. And then… APPLEJACK WILL BE ALL MINE!” Autumn released an evil laugh, though the mare’s words cut it short. “You mean Big Macintosh.” Autumn blinked. “Who?” “Macintosh?” The mare stared into Autumn’s blank expression. “Big, red, handsome stallion?” “Am I in the wrong place?” Autumn asked. “I’m looking for Applejack.” “Oh. Oh!” The mare shook her head. “You’re one of those… oh, I see.” She lowered the bat, smiling in a quite pleasant and friendly way. “I’m sorry, we got off on the wrong hoof. My name’s Cheerilee, and I’m looking for Applejack’s older brother, Big Macintosh. No, you’re not in the wrong place. I’m really sorry for threatening you, you’re new here so I wasn’t sure if you were my rival.” “Hey, no problem!” Autumn beamed to her. “It’s kind of my fault, too, I should have been more clear. My name’s Autumn Blaze, it’s good to meet you!” They shook hooves. Then a yellow pegasus tackled Cheerilee. The pair tumbled into the underbrush, punching and swearing. “Hi, Fluttershy!” Autumn waved. “Hi, Autumn,” Fluttershy replied before resuming her tirade. “Literally your only romantic interaction was fueled by drugs! My perfect husbando deserves someone who...” Much as Autumn would love to catch up with Fluttershy, she seemed busy. No more hopping or prancing. Autumn dashed forwards, now fully appreciating the woeful odds against her. There could be hundreds in these orchards, all seeking the same goal! For a mare as beautiful and freckled as Applejack, it wouldn’t surprise Autumn in the least. She had to run, run! Or so she thought. When the leaves gave way beneath her and she tumbled into the pit, Autumn realized that perhaps striking a balance with caution would have served her better. At least she landed on a downy feather bed, perfectly matching the hole’s dimensions so it could not be missed. It was a soft fall, but Autumn could only sit helpless as hoofsteps approached from above. Oddly, two ponies came into sight at the edge of the pit. A familiar white unicorn, gazing down with regal disdain, and a rainbow-maned pegasus trying to scrunch her face to the same expression and failing. Synchronized, they began pacing around the pit’s edge. The unicorn began. “I thought we might meet again, darling. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Rarity, Applejack’s best friend, spa-buddy, and… oh, yes. Future wife.” The pegasus slipped on the lip of the hole, kicking down a little dirt before quickly righting herself. “And I’m Rainbow Dash! Applejack’s bestest-best-friend, sports rival, and future wife.” Autumn waved upwards. “I’m Autumn Blaze. But, uh, why are you two be working together? She can only marry one of us.” Rarity laughed coyly into a hoof. “Oh, darling. While you and the others battle it out in endless stalemate like brutes, some of us are canny enough to play the long game. I merely have to delay you all to win her heart as I slowly build towards my final move. The perfect ring, the perfect date and moment and Horoscope, and I shall strike without mercy and win the perfect mare. Strong, twangy, loving Applejack!” “Long game, right, same for me!” Rainbow puffed out her wings. “I’m totally playing the long game, and definitely not getting to her first every day and chickening out! I just need to stop everyone else until I work up the… I mean, until my plans and stuff r...ripen? Yeah, ripen! Like an apple! An apple named Applejack, with a butt like KAPOW and legs like HRRGH!” “Well...” Autumn eyed the smooth walls and shrugged. “You got me. I guess you’re going home now, what with the ‘long game’ and all?” “Heck no!” Rainbow blurted. Even from down here, Autumn could see her blush. “I’m running to her right now and we’re going to make AWESOME KISSIES!” “But Rainbow, daaaahling,” Rarity purred, sidling up alongside her. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” “Like what?” Rarity swung her butt into Rainbow’s, knocking her to the pit. The pegasi yelped and fell, right next to Autumn on the feather bed. “Surely you remember?” Rarity smirked down at them. “Applejack is mine.” She closed her eyes, put a hoof to her mouth, and laughed with a musical “Wa-ha-ha!” “What ever happened to waiting for the perfect moment?” Autumn asked. “Oh, daaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhling,” Rarity said. “Who am I kidding? There will be Applejack, and there will be moi meme. It will be perfect no matter what. Especially now that no one can get in my way.” Rainbow floated out of the hole, flapping her wings. Rarity hiccuped. “Wa-ha. Right.” Magic glowed at her horn, and Rainbow’s wings snapped shut. “Cheating unicorns!” Rainbow yelped. She fell, but caught Rarity’s hoof on the way. The nasal shriek mixed with a ladylike wail as they both tumbled down next to Autumn. A click sounded from beneath the bed, and bars slid over the pit opening. Rarity laid on her back, staring upwards. “Ah, of course. I had these installed the last time Rainbow escaped, the weight calibration must be off.” They sat in silence, blinking. At least it was comfortable. A voice came from above, soft but growing louder over the creak of wooden wheels. “Hay-fries, pastries, water!” “Apple Bloom!” they all shouted. Soon enough, the filly’s face peered into sight. “Let us out!” Apple Bloom tested the bars with her hoof. “On the house if you wait til evening. Otherwise, use of the electric saw is fifty bits.” “I don’t have that,” Rainbow confessed. She looked to Autumn, and Autumn shrugged. “I do, but...” Rarity hesitated, then narrowed her eyes. “That would just let Rainbow escape! Apple Bloom, darling, how much for a rope?” “Extra twenty, same deal if you wait.” “I can’t do both,” Rarity hissed under her breath before calling up in pleasant tones. “You’re such a good friend for my sister, Apple Bloom. It is always such a treat when you come over my house.” “Thank you, kindly.” “So can I pay you tomorrow?” “No can do, Miss Rarity. The construction workers for our new clubhouse don’t take credit, so neither can I.” “Drat,” Rarity huffed. Apple Bloom paused a moment, eyeing her cart. “Tell you what: I did make some apple cookies that got smooshed a little under the grill. I’ll throw ‘em in free if you get drinks and a meal.” “Ooh, that’s a good deal!” Rainbow called. “One peppered carrot, two bags of hay-chips, one cider. What are you getting, Autumn?” “Um… what can you grill?” “Just carrots and haydogs for now, I’m out of hayburger supplies.” “Right, two haydogs, wheat buns, all fixings, peppers if you have them. Plus water.” “Coming right up,” Applebloom called. “Rarity?” The fashionista sighed dramatically. “Oh, fine – I suppose we’ll be having a little soiree down here for a few hours. I would like a salad with no cheese, dressing, carrots, croutons, onions, or tomatoes. Do you have tea?” “Iced tea.” “That’s a ‘no,’ then, darling. Just water.” They tossed up the money after a few tries to get the distance right. Apple Bloom lowered the food down in a basket on a rope, then dropped the rope. The trio ate, chatting and giggling over their favorite parts of Applejack: Rarity the legs, Rainbow the butt, Autumn the freckles (and butt). When the sun dipped low, Apple Bloom returned with the electric saw and let them out. She offered the rope, but Rainbow flew the other two out so they wouldn’t get dirty against the pit’s wall. “Autumn, do you have a place to stay?” Rarity asked as they left the darkened orchard. “Um… no.” Autumn blushed and looked away. “I, um, kind of counted on staying with Applejack.” “Don’t we all,” Rarity murmured. “Fear not, darling. You may stay in my guest room.” “Thanks, but are you sure? Won’t we just be at it again tomorrow?” “Darling, no!” Rarity scoffed, but it was a companionable laugh. “Tomorrow is Sunday, the day of rest. Then on Monday and for the week we mustn’t pursue her because she is too busy and we should not interfere with her Very Important Work. Saturday at sunrise, we may try again. May the best mare win, I would say, but it seems uncouth to wish luck to myself.” Autumn bobbed her head. “Jeez, thanks a bunch. Is there anything I can do for you in return?” “Oh no, darling. Enjoy the sights. Plan your next move. Pine for Applejack from afar. On Saturday we shall again be foes, but until then mi casa es su casa.” “Wait… I know!” Autumn hopped with excitement. “When I marry Applejack, you can be a bridesmaid!” The smile flattened on Rarity’s face. “Oh, darling. Dahling...” “It. Is. On.”
And this is WarThere she was, at her family’s apple stand. A hero of the world and especially the kirin, yet hard at work with endless humility. Freckles like stars across her face, beneath pure green pools that shined with everything that was good. Her body was wider and tougher than most mares, bulked with muscle that did not break the soft down of her orange coat. Small pocks and imperfections from her labor may have damaged the beauty of others, but with Applejack they finished the masterpiece her parents gave to the world. A mare of honest beauty, within and without. They made small talk as Applejack bagged her order. It was too public, too noisy for anything more. The perfect mare needed the perfect moment. Besides, it would have been rude to disturb her while farming, or now while she was busy selling apples. “And here ya go!” Applejack helped lift the sack of apples into Autumn’s saddle bag. “It’s real nice to see you again, girl. How long will you be in town?” ‘As long as it takes,’ was the correct answer, but Autumn went with another truth. “It might be a while. Rarity offered me work teaching her about our fashion, and helping her design kirin-style dresses.” “Aw, that’s sweet. I’m glad to see you two getting along.” “Yeah, she’s great.” Even more so than Applejack guessed. The work gave Autumn money, and staying in Rarity’s guest room let her save it. Come Saturday they would be enemies, but until then Rarity was the most wonderful, generous pony Autumn had ever met. Next to Applejack, of course. It occurred to Autumn that this might be her last time seeing Applejack before becoming her fiance. The thought brought heat to her face, and she dashed away. On Saturday, Autumn awoke to find herself tied to the bed, gagged, and with a ring on her horn blocking her magic. She could hear Rarity in the other room, humming to herself as she primped and primed herself for the day. The mare walked in on Autumn wearing a dazzling blue dress, touching up the last bit of lipstick. “Good morning, dahling. Nice and cozy, I see.” She wa-ha-ha’d a little into her hoof. “Now. Sweetie will ungag and feed you breakfast after I am on the road. She’ll also do the other meals if I am late. While I don’t expect it to take that long to outwit my rivals and woo Applejack, she and I shall be quite busy kissing and planning our marriage. Toodles!” Rarity returned very late that evening. She appeared before Autumn covered in a mix of tree sap and strawberry juice, hardened such that her mane and tail resembled bloodied barbwire. Grumbling something about evil pegasi, she undid Autumn’s bonds and retreated to the shower. Next Saturday, Autumn crept out of the boutique before the crack of dawn. She left pillows under the blankets to make it look like she was still in bed. She also filled a bucket with cherry juice and left it balanced atop the cracked door of her room. She hid in the bushes. A crash, splash, and feminine scream came from the boutique. Autumn turned and dashed to the orchard. No offense to Rarity, of course. She was a good pony, and a great teacher. Autumn sped, but not as recklessly as before. She entered the orchard careful and swift, avoiding the clear road to trot through the trees. Her eyes moved constantly, left, right, and up. Her tufted ears sat erect, alert for any strange noise. Leaves crunched merrily under her hooves – it was the season of red leaves, cool weather, and apples. Apples and Autumn. They belonged together. Leaves crunched again, this time capped by a menacing ‘click.’ An automated speaker played one of Coloratura’s pop singles, and the plate of a hidden catapult launched Autumn Blaze from the orchard. Autumn stumbled back to the Carousal Boutique, sore and covered in tree sap. She sulked, watching the bathroom mirror as Rarity washed out her mane. “Perhaps,” Rarity said carefully, hooves sudsy with pink shampoo. “We might make a truce? At least until we get to the orchard each morning. It’s in both our interests to not have a coin-flip chance of losing before we even begin.” Autumn nodded. “That sounds good, yeah.” Autumn awoke next Saturday tied to the bed. Rarity ran out the door in her night clothes, unleashing a shrill “WA-HA-HA, DAHLING!” No mistakes this time. Autumn awoke in her hotel room, primed and ready. She crept out her window, not even trusting the neutral ground. She hesitated outside the orchard, then walked forwards at a long angle pointing only generally towards the farmhouse. Away from the road, which would see the fiercest battles. Hopefully the odd path would avoid any traps. Autumn was more alert than ever, but moved quickly. She hopped, bounding step by step by step. Moving this quickly would let her get off a catapult before it launched. Crunch, crunch went the leaves. A smell on the air. Chocolate and caramel. She ducked, and a plate full of melted candies sailed overhead. Autumn wasn’t armed, but there were plenty of mushy, fallen apples on the ground. She returned fire with powerful kicks, sending gooey brown bombs to where the strike had come. She shot twice and ran, avoiding a cupcake aimed for her face. Oddly, her enemy proved a duo of ponies working together in alliance. A cream-colored earth pony and mint unicorn, heaving their precious ammunition in vain effort before Autumn dodged behind a tree. They settled to sniping, with wormy apples and confections sailing back and forth whenever there was a chance of hitting. “Surrender!” the unicorn screeched. “Applejack shall be our wife and daughter!” “Lyra, do I really have to be involved with this?” the other grumbled. “She lost her parents, Bon-Bon,” Lyra said. “It’s so sad. We have to adopt her so she won’t be alone anymore!” “But why does she have to be your wife?” “Our wife, sweetie. She’s the same age as us so we can’t only adopt her. We need to make her our wife, too.” The bombardment lessened, as though one pony turned to stare at the other. “What?” “Trust me, Bonnie. This is the only way.” They would continue firing until they ran out of pastries and retreated, never realizing Autumn took advantage of the confusion to slip away. For the next fifteen minutes, the tantalizingly-exposed target Lyra and Bon-Bon aimed for was a watermelon with a smiley face drawn on. Autumn ran on. It was working! No traps, no more rivals. Sounds of cartoon violence came from the orchards behind, but it was distant and faded. She even zig-zagged her path in case this was anticipated, then realized delay might prove fatal and broke into a sprint. The orchard cleared at once, to a lawn of tall wild grass outside a red barn and house. And there she was, with Celestia’s sun upon her. Orange coat glistening with honest sweat, bringing in two heaping buckets of fresh apples. Freckled and friendly, with soft lips and loving eyes. Autumn sprang forwards. Angels sang. The wind blew only enough to dramatically wave her hair, and birds flew alongside. ...Wait, no, not birds. Just one bird. A very dumb, pegasus bird named Strawberry Sunrise. They slowed, then stopped, blinking dumbly at each other. Strawberry landed, face in a snarl. She puffed out her wings to appear larger. Autumn hissed and mrowled, bending low and flexing the claws on her spiked hoof. “Aw, hiya girls!” Instantly the pair stood normally and turned to Applejack with wide grins. They even edged close to show Applejack that they were in fact not about to fight but were very good friends because they were friendly ponies which is a plus for any romantic partner. Applejack shrugged out of her her load, then trotted to them with innocent cheer. “Applebuck season, don’t’cha know. What can I do you for?” Autumn couldn’t confess in front of her rival. Strawberry would turn it into a fight, and all would be lost. Besides, her presence hardly made things romantic and tender. “I came… to help with the harvest!” Autumn said, suddenly alight with idea. All she needed was Applejack alone for a while, then… “Me too!” Strawberry added. She then huffed and looked away. “I mean, apples are way heavier and harder to reach and stupider than strawberries, so I figured you needed a hoof. It’s not because I like you or anything, bakka.” Their mouths maintained the friendly expression. Their eyes met with smoldering rage. The chance, ruined. Not unless the other departed willingly, and that would not happen. Admittedly, Applejack’s radiant grin made this all worthwhile. Almost. “Wow, thank you both kindly! Hitch yourself to some carts, and let’s get bucking!” The short, blue pegasus patiently held the map still, giving explanation as Autumn Blaze studied it. “No, no. I’m with the group trying to adopt Applejack. You’re with the group trying to marry her. We come in from the north side of the orchard, you need to come in from Ponyville or it doesn’t count.” Autumn awkwardly tried to wipe off the mushed apple from the mare’s head. “Aw, geez. I’m so sorry, Miss, um...” “‘Missus,’ actually.” The pegasus smiled with motherly patience. “Windy Whistles.” A high-pitched scream came from behind, slowly increasing in volume. “I’d buy you some water to wash off, but I don’t hear Apple Bloom anywhere nearby.” “It’s quite alright. Ha, you should have seen my first day here, I stumbled right into...” The source of the scream dashed between them: Lyra in full war-paint like the unicorn Celts of old, bearing a squeaky hammer she used to knock out Windy. The last thing Autumn saw was Lyra’s hammer cleaving from one blow to the next, right towards her face. It was pricey, but Apple Bloom had started carrying a barrel of cider on-tap in her cart, and there was nothing wrong with a little indulgence. Autumn sat on a fallen log, balancing the purchased hayburger on her lap while setting her mug carefully to the side. Cherry Jubilee sat next to her with an order of grilled carrots, while the newcomer paced irately as he wolfed down his haydog. “It’s really not fair,” Trenderhoof moaned for the third time. He was a brown pony, in a green Hemline-brand sweater and glasses. “Oh sure, it’s pathetic when a stallion pines for dear Applejack, but when you all do everypony thinks it’s cute.” Cherry dabbed primly at her lips with a napkin. “Aw, I’m sorry, sugar-bear. Does the rich Canterlot unicorn think life is unfair?” Autumn nodded. “Yeah, dude. Why don’t you tell her again how much you admire ‘earth pony work ethic?’ Chicks dig microaggressions.” “How is that bad?” “You literally used her race as a conversation topic because you don’t actually know anything about her!” “Knock it off,” Trenderhoof snapped. “The sole foundation for your so-called relationship is Applejack pulling you off a literal cliff after your own people exiled you for being annoying. She needs someone who can appreciate her beauty! Her figure! Someone educated enough to pick her out from the herd, not just chasing the barest threads of personal connection. Someone who–” Autumn had ordered her hayburger with an inadvisable quantity of ketchup for just such a moment. It splattered into Trenderhoof’s face and he fell to the ground. Cherry gave her a winning smile. “Nice work, darlin’. I’ll treat you for your real lunch, what’ll it be?” Autumn beamed. “Another hayburger, this one just with–” A cherry pie hit the side of her head. Autumn cursed silently as she fell, having slipped and forgotten the most important rule: never trust a pony who calls you ‘darling.’ It took time, but the moment came again. Autumn was quick, lucky, and good. She hopped from one of Rara’s traps before it sprung, out-dueled Strawberry in a fair fight, and used the looted fruit of her namesake to take out Rainbow Dash. Again, she came to the relative clearing that was the Apple family lawn. And again, Autumn saw the most beautiful mare in Equestria, hard at work with her beloved apples. Although Applejack didn’t seem to be working at the moment; she stood facing away from Autumn, still and quiet. Autumn glanced to each side, then behind. Nopony else in sight! After so many weeks, the chance to finally propose to Applejack sent a weakness through Autumn’s legs. She approached, breath catching in her throat, only managing a weak “H-hey, Applejack.” Applejack turned slowly. There was no enthusiasm, none of her usual zest for life. Her smile was wide, but lacked its gleam. Her green eyes turned in endless spirals of green and black. “...Howdy,” she mumbled as though sleepwalking. “Whoa.” Autumn stopped in front, working to keep her smile up. “You okay, Applejack?” “Yep...” Applejack said, pausing after each word. “Just… peachy… getting… married… soon.” “Love-bug, who is that?” A regal voice oozed from the barn. Green eyes peered out from the shadows, and out walked a black, bug-like pony, twice as tall as Autumn. A twisted crown sat on her head, and fangs slipped out over her smirk. “My… friend…” Applejack said dully. “No, no, no.” Queen Chrysalis shook her head, clicking her tongue in condescension. “Remember, love-bug? She’s not me, and so is no one important.” “Hey!” Autumn growled. She clawed the earth, ready to charge. “What did you do to her?” Chrysalis huffed and glared back. “Oh, isn’t that always the case? A changeling wants to marry a pony and you clutch your pearls and wail about mind-control. Why is it so hard to believe she loves me, you racist?” “Because you’re Queen Chrysalis!” Chrysalis snarled, breaking the glare-off to look away. “Damn, she’s got me there.” “And you, uh...” Autumn shuffled. “I mean her eyes actually have little spirals in them. So yeah, you definitely hypnotized her.” “Fine!” Chrysalis barked. “So what if I did? That won’t make the marriage illegitimate, I checked. This time next week, we shall have a beautiful royal wedding, and then Applejack will be all mine!” She grimaced, still looking away. “We were going to have it this week, but the venue was… ew. Never use FlimFlam’s Discount Matrimony Services. It’s cheap, but not even worth the price. Autumn puffed out her chest as large as she could. “Why are you doing this?” “Isn’t it obvious?” Chrysalis mused. She stroked under Applejack’s chin, smiling as the mare failed to react. Autumn’s puff shrunk a little. “Well… yes, now that I think about it. She’s the most perfect mare who ever was. Kind, friendly, funny, strong…” Chrysalis interrupted with a loud, evil laugh. “You little fool! I suppose there’s a reason I’m queen and you aren’t.” She grinned evilly down towards Autumn. “I don’t care about how great she is, it’s about what I can get. I control Applejack, I control the apples. I control the apples, and Equestria is mine!” “You’ll never get away with this!” Autumn yelled. “You’re just a gold-digging old mare. She deserves someone who loves her!” “Oh, what are you talking about?” Chrysalis sneered. “She’ll be perfectly happy with her new life as my apple-harvesting slave. But enough talk.” She gestured. Bright blue eyes winked open in the darkened barn. Changelings emerged, dozens of them. Crouched and snarling. No way for her to take them all. Autumn turned, tearing her gaze from the terrible sight. She sprinted, though nothing pursued save Chrysalis’ mocking laugh. Still, she kept running. Too many for her to fight alone. Not much time, but a little time. She needed help. Autumn never stopped running til the familiar Boutique came to sight. Panting, she forced her exhausted legs to bound inside and up to the bathroom. Rarity sat there dejectedly, following her usual Saturday night routine of making Sweetie Belle wash tree sap from her mane. “Rarity!” Autumn gasped. She collapsed in the doorway. Rarity hustled over, dripping suds from her mane. She held up Autumn’s head, and the exhausted kirin’s yellow eyes blinked, then narrowed with grim determination. Autumn gripped Rarity’s hoof with her own. “Rarity,” she said again, this time at a tired whisper. But her eyes held the unicorn’s, and with iron will she delivered her message. “I need you to call… a soiree.”
Love is a BattlefieldRarity was a master at rallying soirees on short notice. It was actually part of her cutie mark – diamonds implied wealth, which made ponies want to be around you. Technically it was only a proper ‘soiree’ if everyone there was rich but no one had ever told that to Rarity. At least it felt like a soiree, with the tea and tiny sandwiches. Autumn and Sweetie Belle hauled up a banquet table for the main room of the Boutique, with enough chairs for everypony. Autumn had never had so many eyes on her at once. She swallowed her nerves and explained quickly, hoping to at least get it out before the angry mob formed to save Applejack. But the story ended, and they hadn’t moved. Every one of her romantic rivals remained seated, watching her with stone expressions or glancing to each other, munching quietly. Finally, it was cool, sturdy Bon-Bon who spoke up. “What’s your angle?” “Huh?” “Why are you telling us this?” Maybe she was stupid. “Because we need to rescue Applejack and I can’t do this on my own!” “Or you know she’ll be elsewhere and want to lure us all in the wrong direction so you can have her to yourself.” Bon-Bon folded her hooves, smirking. “You’re dealing with a secret agent, kirin. The most obvious answer is usually correct.” Strawberry Sunrise cut in. “Or she wants us gathered in one place so she can get us all with a giant net and steal Applejack away.” “What?” Autumn asked. “Who would do that?” They all looked at Rarity, who grinned with embarrassment. “It would have worked if Applejack had been home that day.” “But I’m not lying!” Autumn screeched. “Ah-HA!” Rainbow stomped a front hoof on the table and pointed the other. “That’s EXACTLY what a liar would say! Checkmate, Autumn!” A stuttering ‘wa-ha-ha’ claimed the table. “There’s no need to get angry, darlings.” Bon-Bon leaned back in her seat. “Aw, I’m not angry. Sorry if I came off that way.” “Yeah, no, it was a good idea.” Strawberry bobbed her head. “All’s fair in love and war. Honestly, Autumn, I’m impressed. I had you pegged for an innocent idiot and you came up with a pretty evil scheme. I’ll have to watch out for you.” “It’s not a scheme...” Autumn said, but it was no use. Her voice trailed off as the others resumed chatting, eating, laughing. She looked down. The merriment went on around her. Had to try. She spoke again, though it took a few minutes to say it loud enough to hear. “What can I do to make you trust me?” Silence. The assembled mares looked at each other, murmured, and shrugged. “Sorry, sugar-cube,” Cherry Jubilee drawled. “So long as you’re our rival, we can’t trust you with anything Applejack-related. T’ain’t personal, you know.” That seemed like the end of things. But it wasn’t. Not quite. Autumn saw the answer, plain as day. She thought of Applejack. Honest, kind, strong enough to crush watermelons between her thighs. Autumn thought that was hot. Don’t judge. Her love. The one. Enslaved, mindlessly farming for Chrysalis’ profit. And only one way to save her, to make them listen. Autumn spoke without thinking, feared that any hesitation would rob her courage to say it. “Fine!” It came out shrill, loud, once more seizing their attention. Her eyes burned, but she blinked and snuffed the embers. “Then I won’t compete for Applejack anymore. I won’t be a rival.” They gasped. Rarity fainted. “So believe me when I say we need to save her!” “Is this a trick?” Rara asked. “No,” Autumn replied with deathly absolution. She moved her hoof in familiar motions. “I will no longer compete with you all for Applejack’s love. Cross my heart, hope to fly...” “WAIT!” Rarity grabbed her limb, having recovered instantly from the faint. “Autumn, if you take this oath it will bind you forever! You’ll lose all chance of winning Applejack!” Autumn met eyes with her, and slowly pulled the hoof from her grasp. “...Stick a cupcake in my eye!” She used a metaphorical cupcake, because soirees did not have real ones. Silence fell, broken by Rainbow after a long moment. “Holy skit, she’s for real.” Rarity clasped her hooves, staring into the tablecloth. “It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Now that I think about it. If Chrysalis controls the apples… why, Canterlot is next! It will be the end of Equestria!” “Should we tell Princess Twilight?” Trenderhoof asked. Nobody listened. “Forget Canterlot!” Strawberry snarled. “I’m not losing Applejack to some jerkwad who will just use her to harvest gross, tasteless apples! Let’s show those changelings what happens when you steal my mare!” Others yelled their agreement. Cherry raised a pitchfork. Lyra lit a torch, which set off the smoke alarm. Rarity stomped her hoof on the table for order. “Quiet, quiet darlings! We need a plan. Lyra, put that out.” She turned off the alarm and waited until Lyra came back from the sink. “Everypony, it’s late. We’re not ready, and those of us who are gorgeous enough to be worthy of Applejack need our beauty sleep. Gather supplies as best you can, and tomorrow morning we shall take back Sweet Apple Acres!” Agreement was general, and enthusiastic. Ponies filed out, leaving only Autumn and Rarity. “Should we really wait til tomorrow?” Autumn asked. “That’s the day Chrysalis said she’d marry Applejack.” “Of course, darling!” Rarity tutted. “Why, just imagine! An evil wedding that will give the villain all which they dream and then, ‘I object!’ And the white unicorn charges forth, leading her allies to save her true love!” She seemed to catch something in Autumn’s expression and stumbled on. “B-but of course, we wouldn’t even have this chance if you hadn’t discovered Queen Chrysalis’ scheme. I’m sure when Applejack is freed she will give you full credit for saving her and that you two will be… um, very good friends.” Autumn turned turned to the living room, but a heavy thud caused her to look back. Rarity now laid prone, looking up to her with teary eyes. “Darling, why, why did you make that promise? I can’t save you from it or release you, that’s not how it works. I can’t help you.” Again, Autumn said nothing. She met Rarity’s eyes and turned away, going up the stairs. No point running from the guest room. Not anymore. Autumn awoke gagged and tied to the bed-frame. “MMPH!” To her credit, Rarity was already untying her. “So sorry, darling! Force of habit.” The work was completed quickly, and they armed themselves for the trial ahead. Autumn took several of Sweetie Belle’s baking projects that had been ripening in the fridge: all with a black, crusty exterior, perfect for keeping in the slimy, smelly insides until they burst. Rarity took a Glock pistol and knife. They gathered with the others outside Sweet Apple Acres. Some wore helmets, or had pillows strapped to their chests for armor. Cherry Jubilee arrived hitched to a small cart of pies, while others carried old fruit, bedposts, and flanged maces. Bon-Bon wore sunglasses with a black suit and tie, and Lyra carried a hand grenade. The road in would surely be watched, and the woods around were too dense for their ammunition cart. But there was another way, a hidden path into Sweet Apple Acres known only to blood relatives. Applebloom approached without her wagon, eyes wide and lips trembling. “Miss Rarity, did you… did you mean it, what you said in the letter?” “Every word, darling.” Rarity said. “Applejack is in great danger of marrying somepony who isn’t good enough for her. We have to act fast, and now’s not the time to be stingy. Every bit promised in the letter will be yours.” The small girl wiped at her eyes, smiling innocently up to Rarity. “Shucks, this is my family we’re talking about. I won’t charge you, just follow me. I’ll get you there, sure as sure.” Rarity smiled back. Then pounced, tackling Applebloom. She lifted and fell back, plowing the filly’s head into the dirt. “TALK, CHANGELING!” Rarity screeched. “WHERE ARE THEY?” “YOUR QUEST IS IN VAIN!” Applebloom hissed, growing fangs and a forked tongue. “QUEEN CHRYSALIS SHALL MAKE THE HIVE GREAT AGAIN! WE SHALL...” They trussed and gagged her and tossed her into the cart. “They know we’re coming,” Rara fretted. “And they have Applebloom. No chance of a resupply.” “Then we move fast, right down the main road.” Rainbow pointed. “If any attack us before the farm, that just means fewer we have to take all at once. Most will be at the wedding.” “And we have to get there in time,” Autumn said. “Right. let’s do this.” They moved quickly, eyes sharp and shoulder to shoulder along the well-trod path. Rainbow ranged ahead, triggering a few pit traps before anyone fell in. Not dangerous, but delays they couldn’t afford. “I made those,” Lyra confessed, nervously shuffling her grenade in magic’s grip. “Sorry.” Bon-Bon glanced to her, then looked sharply. “Lyra, where did you get a grenade?” “I don’t know.” No changelings. No challenge. It was evident their only resistance would come at the homestead itself. They saw the change even from a distance – white banners hung from the barn and house, with a raised platform and black swarm around. Arrival brought clarity to the scene. Queen Chrysalis tittered bashfully on the platform in a flowing, beautiful white dress. Next to her stood Applejack, with spiraling eyes and muddy hooves as though simply plucked from her workday. Applebloom and Granny Smith sat bound and gagged on front row seats. Macintosh also was tied, but he sat in the middle of the crowd. Dozens of female changelings surrounded him: cooing, giggling, blushing, and hanging on his every twitch and muffled word. The male changelings sat across the aisle, looking miffed and grumpy. All of the newcomers shrieked “I object!” as they burst into the clearing, but with no synchronization it came off as an indistinct war cry. The changelings clattered from their seats, over a hundred strong. Several of the females formed protectively around Big Mac, hissing more at each other than the newcomers. Chrysalis laughed; a shrill, evil ‘Oh-ho-hooooo!’ “Welcome to my wedding, fools! Would you like to stay for the banquet? We’re having the drained love of a dozen idiots!” She gestured languidly. The massed changelings began to advance. There were… a lot of them. Autumn glanced to each side, seeing fear and determination on her former rivals. Strawberry swallowed thickly. Rainbow and Rarity shook hooves. Autumn stepped out, in front of the others. She turned to them, smiling gently. “For Applejack,” she whispered. They nodded, steeled by the cause. She turned to lead the charge. “WAIT!” Several mares stomped from the woods north of the barn. Autumn recognized Windy Whistles from before, now walking stiffly on hockey skates. There was also a white unicorn, the town mayor, and others, all middle-aged or older. Windy’s wings flapped her upright, and she struck her blades hard enough to light a spark. “The mares who want to adopt Applejack are in agreement: there is no way, no how that our future daughter is marrying Chrysalis. She’s a gold digger, her hygiene is poor, and she’s way too old for our precious little apple. This wedding is canceled by order of… of whichever of us is her future mom!” “Oh nooooooo,” Chrysalis said lowly, smirking. “The milf brigade has arrived. Whatever shall I d–” A gunshot gave her and everyone a start. Another gang stormed from the western side. A trio of grey ponies, Cheerilee, Fluttershy, and a pink unicorn with a smoking revolver pointed to the sky. “Sorry, bugbutts,” the unicorn called. “I’m Sugar Belle, Macintosh’s future wife, and these are my rivals. I don’t care about the orange one, but you made a killer mistake kidnapping our big, beefcake husbando just for your stupid scheme or whatever. Did we make it before the vows? I don’t even care, because one way or another the marriage ends when you die, Chrysalis!” Chrysalis blinked wide and waved her hooves down. “Whoa, walk it back a step. If you guys are this psycho I think he’s better off with my–” “Sorry we’re late!” Four strange, furless apes jogged from the east orchard, all carrying switchblades or baseball bats. Two seemed to be imitators of Rainbow Dash and Rarity, while the other two were yellow. One of these had orange poofy hair, while the speaker and apparent leader was a redhead. “Traffic was killer… anyway, the Alliance of Human-World Applejack Appreciators didn’t have any skin in this game until you came along, Queen Chrysalis! I don’t know what effect your marrying our precious, freckled angel’s pony clone will have on her, but any risk is too great. For the good of our planet, we’re annulling this wedding by any. Means. Necessary!” Chrysalis blinked even wider at these newcomers, then closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “My god. I’m Queen Chrysalis and even I’m over here going ‘what the hell is the matter with these people?’” “Well, enough.” She stood, tall and imperious, and gestured grandly to her changelings. “Minions! Crush them, bind them, and I shall drain their love for my own! Um, and for you all, of course. Trickle-down means that everyone will prosper.” “WAIT!” “What now?” Chrysalis hissed, turning to the new speaker. Mayor Mare spoke, walking out from the motherhood team. “We need ground rules before we begin.” Chrysalis’ annoyance cooled, and she gave a nod. “Yes, that makes sense. No grabbing of the hair.” “Yes. And no stabbing, slashing, or firearm weapons. I think that covers everything.” “Agreed.” Chrysalis said, then called out. “You heard it. If any of you have those weapons, drop them now.” There were mutters and grumbles among all parties, but also a rustle as weapons were deposited to the grass. Changelings pulled switchblades and derringers from their wings and dropped them. Rarity grumbled as she set down her knife, but left the holster carefully in her inside leg. “Rarity!” Autumn hissed. The unicorn grinned guiltily. “Wa-ha?” “I don’t want to lose on a forfeit. Drop it!” “Oh, fine, darling.” Rarity sulkily deposited the pistol, and took up a pie from Cherry’s cart. “We’re still outnumbered,” Strawberry said. “Everypony, if this doesn’t go well… it’s been fun. I’ve had a great time competing with all you.” She cracked a grin at Autumn, and Autumn grinned back. Then she turned to the front. United, but surrounded, the changelings were taking a defensive stance. Inspiration struck. “Rainbow Dash, Strawberry!” All were pumping themselves up for the charge, and turned curiously to Autumn. She spoke on quickly. “Take as many pies as you can carry and bomb them from above. They’re so tightly packed you can hardly miss. Cherry, hitch yourself with the cart ahead of you. Rara and I will ride inside, throwing pies until we run out. Barrel into them; head right for the stage. The rest of you, follow our opening as best you can and keep them off Cherry. We’re still outnumbered, so we have to use our mass and pastries to even the odds.” Most nodded. Strawberry hesitated. “If you’re on the cart, then you reach Applejack first.” Autumn flashed her a smaller smile. “I’m not a rival anymore, remember?” “Right, right.” Strawberry cawed a laugh and grabbed a stack of pies. “Let’s do it. See you in hell, kirin!” “See you in hell, bird-brain.” And they charged, led by a blue blur and rainbow streak. Autumn stood up in the cart, feeling the wind blow out her thick mane behind her. From her vantage point, she could see the other groups strike – all of them fierce, but outnumbered against the tightly-packed foe. Already the initial charges were being thrown back, though the Macintosh rivals were making headway with raw ferocity. But the changeling females had counter-attacked, screeching and hissing, fighting as wildly as their opponents. Yet the battle had just begun. Pies began falling from on high, not only striking changelings, but disrupting and discouraging them as they dove for cover, crashing into each other. She saw Lyra throw her grenade for a double-hit: it clocks a changeling square in the face, flew upwards, then landed on another. It did not explode. Suddenly, Autumn had no time for the larger picture. Her cart lurched into the throng, trampling changelings and sending others to flight. She hurled pie after pie alongside Rara, striking them down to each side. Autumn chanced a look backwards. Rarity engaged with karate skills she’d never have expected from the posh mare. Bon-Bon had on a thick lead horseshoe while Lyra swung a golf club whilst screaming. But other changelings were filling in behind the meager breakthrough and the ponies were hard pressed. Even now the two unicorns were dragged down, and Bon-Bon leaped frantically to help them. No choice. “Faster, Cherry!” The mare grunted and complied, barreling forwards with pursuit closing behind. Momentum and the wide, durable cart was all that preserved them now. A scream brought Autumn’s attention back front. Changelings had seized Rara and were pulling her from the cart. Their eyes met. Rara could hold on for dear life, bringing the charge to a screeching halt. Or… “Fly, you fools,” Rara breathed. She let go, disappearing into the swarm. No more pies. Autumn looked forward. There was the stage, and the last few changelings in the way were overrun. Still no choice. She said nothing, letting Cherry careen forwards at full speed. Autumn braced, but was still thrown clear as the cart crashed into the flimsy stage, tossing all occupants to the ground. She opened her eyes, feeling warm grass beneath her. Her dizzy gaze focused, and found the most beautiful green gems in the world staring back at her. “Autumn?” Applejack murmured. She blinked hard, as though coming up from a long sleep. “What’s going on?” Green magic seized the farmer, hoisting her to the air. “Applejack!” Autumn cried. She leaped, but a blast of green slime slammed and glued her to the ground. Chrysalis loomed above. Her dress was in tatters and her face locked in a vicious, angry grin. “Aww… so close, and yet so far! You’ve ruined my wedding, so congratulations on that. But you failed, little kirin. The moment I kiss her, the ceremony will be complete and Applejack will be all mine!” Autumn struggled against the gooey bonds to no avail. Applejack thrashed in the magic’s grip, leaning back as Chrysalis brought her in close. Though her body hovered helplessly, her hooves were free. Applejack swung, belting Chrysalis with a solid right hook. Chrysalis staggered and spat out a fang, moving Applejack beyond hoof’s reach. “Put me down, you low-down dirty varmit! I wouldn’t marry you iffin’ you were the last–” Quick as a viper, Chrysalis brought Applejack in and cuffed her hard across the face. A match lit within Autumn Blaze. “Silence, minion!” Chrysalis growled, pulling in her prize and this time restraining the limbs. “And pucker up.” She paused, sniffing. “...Do you smell fire?” She looked to Autumn to find purple smoke rising from her slime prison. Autumn blazed from it, enraged and in nirik form. She breathed out a tight, controlled gout of flame and crouched, ready to pounce. Chrysalis stood tall. She was bigger, stronger, and more powerful than the little kirin. But Autumn was on fire, and that made things fair. She leaped, latching on to Chrysalis’ face. “This isn’t fair at all!” Chrysalis shrieked, trying to paw off the flaming assailant to no avail. “Oh Celestia, it hurts! I can feel the flames in my nostrils!” “Say uncle!” Autumn growled. “Never!” Chrysalis ran around screaming, trying to slam her head into the ground, shaking, and everything else she could think of to pull Autumn off. But Autumn held firm, roaring her own rage, wrapped firmly around Chrysalis’ head. “It’s burning my hair! I’m in so much pain! Uncle, uncle, uncle! Let me go, I give up!” Autumn obliged, landing hard to the ground. Chrysalis kept screaming, battering her head to the dirt to put out the residual flames. Not terribly worse for wear but now lacking eyelashes, the queen of the changelings flew to the air. “Curse you!” she spat. “One day I shall have my revenge, and Equestria will be mine! Changelings, retreat!” Chrysalis fled, and those changelings who could flee followed. Others laid still, battered into submission during the battle. With the battle over, though, there were no hard feelings. They milled, helping to clean up the damage and both offering and accepting first aid. Lyra’s hand grenade exploded, but fortunately no one was close by. Clean-up took most of the day. Applejack helped as best she could, but was weakened by her time in Chrysalis’ thrall. She sat down on the porch, watching the sun fall low in the horizon. Most of the changelings and rivals had departed, though Autumn remained. As did her own former rivals, none trusting each other to stay alone with Applejack. None objected when Autumn sat down next to her. It was a little easier now – no nervous jitters or tied tongues. Applejack was out of reach, forever. But Applejack was free. She would end up with one of these beautiful ponies who deserved her, who would do right by her. That was a great thing. Autumn could be happy with that. “Thanks for the help,” Applejack said. She turned to Autumn, giving a tired smile. “Same to everyone, but it was you who beat Chrysalis. And Rarity tells me they wouldn’t have even known to come if it wasn’t for you. That’s twice you’ve saved me.” Her tail swished, brushing against Autumn’s before moving away. Autumn returned the smile, faintly. “I’m just glad I could help. Before...” She hesitated, glanced to the others. None met her eyes except Rarity, with hoof to mouth. “...Before I go home. I’m taking the next train back to the Peaks of Peril.” “Maybe I’ll visit again sometime,” Autumn added, but a strong, orange embrace caught her just as she finished. She hugged back, leaning into it as the moon rose over Sweet Apple Acres. Author's Note God this is dumb. I love it.
All Mine“Second-class Ponyville to Peaks of Peril. 7:25 P.M.” Autumn arrived early, but that was fine. She settled on one of the hard wooden benches at the station, enjoying the breeze and view of the town. Ponyville was quite a nice place, now that she bothered to look. Flatter and more open than her homeland, but that made it feel friendly and safe. She could see foals play by the neat little fountain in town square, and the Friendship Doom Fortress loom protectively above. A grey blotch became visible in the distance, moving down the railroad tracks. Autumn stood, stretched. Already she could hear the train’s rumble… …Wait, that was coming from the other way. Dust rose, and a familiar band of ponies galloped down the street towards her. Autumn smiled as they arrived, huffing and puffing. She’d already said her goodbyes, but one more wouldn’t hurt. “Aw, you guys came to see me off!” Something about their reactions pricked her doubt. Strawberry Sunrise smirked and rolled her eyes. Cherry and Bon-Bon looked away. “Hello,” Rarity said, touching necks with Autumn in a quick hug. “I’m glad we made it. We… we almost chickened out.” Autumn blinked, still smiling but now it was a ‘I am rather confused’ smile. Rarity swallowed. She stepped back to lock eyes with Autumn. “Darling,” Rarity began. “Autumn. This little competition of ours has been great fun. We all love Applejack. We all want what is best for her. Over the course of our many Saturdays of war, we believed that victory would be its own proof of which of us loved her the most. Whoever loved her most would be the bravest, fastest, and most cunning in their pursuit, for their love would give them the strength to outlast all else. And their victory would justify everything, for whomever triumphed would be the one she deserves. The one whose passion for her burned brightest.” Rarity paused to dab theatrically at her eyes. “But that wasn’t quite right, was it? And it took you to show us, Autumn. You love her so much that you… you were willing to give her up. You sacrificed everything to save her, and I don’t know if any of us would have had that kind of courage. You want Applejack free and happy, no matter with who. No matter if your own chance was gone forever.” “We talked about it,” Rarity continued, and the heads around her nodded. “And we agreed. It is you, Autumn Blaze, who loves her most of all. You who were willing to let her go… deserves to keep her.” Rarity sniffed, and this time her eye-dab was not so theatrical. “And she deserves you. So stay, darling. Stay in Ponyville. Makes her yours.” Autumn gave a bashful grin, but it quickly sank. She looked down, scratching the wooden platform with her clawed hoof. “Aw, geez. Thanks, you guys. I mean it. But I Pinkie Promised, remember? You can’t go back on a Pinkie Promise.” She looked up. Rarity’s tears had disappeared like magic, replaced with a mischievous gleam Autumn knew quite well. The mare unleashed a soft ‘wa-ha-ha’ behind her hoof, then cleared her throat and tried to look serious. “Indeed. You did Pinkie Promise to, quote, not compete with us for Applejack’s love.” Rarity then closed her eyes and brandished one hoof to the air, as though making a Filly Scout promise. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” Cherry followed the motion. “I will no longer compete for Applejack, sugar.” Lyra. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” Strawberry. “I will no longer compete for Applejack.” One by one, they all said so. It ended with Rainbow, who brushed her hooves together as though dusting them off. “Wow, will you look at that? We’re all out of the competition too, so you have no one to compete with. Guess that means you can go for her without breaking your promise.” Autumn gasped. Her eyes grew. Her heart grew. Maybe her legs grew, because she somehow gathered them all into a single, fluffy hug. “Hurry darling,” Rarity whispered. “You might catch her before she leaves town for the day. Don’t forget, you promised to make me a bridesmaid!” Autumn released. She paused. Bowed low. Then took off like an arrow. The market square was not far off. She arrived to find Applejack taking down her stall, with the sun creeping low towards the trees. Autumn helped Applejack pack, then hitched herself to the wagon to help pull the load home. They chatted as they worked, and chatted a little more. Every bounce of the wagon brushed their tails together. At least, that was an excuse. Autumn’s tail sometimes lingered atop Applejack’s and Applejack did not shake it off. A few more words passed between them, somehow quieter and more heartfelt. They reached a clearing, and decided to stop and watch the sun go down. They unhitched themselves and sat there, side by side with linked tails. And then… they kissed. Author's Note Thanks for reading!
