“Mezzy?” There’s that voice again. I love it. It makes me feel all warm inside. It’s sort of like those brief periods of infatuation you get in school, except this is ten times anything I’ve ever felt before. So why does it hurt so much?
That’s stupid. I know the answer to that. It’s a longing for what I can’t have.
“Mezzy, what’s wrong?” I look up at her. Those vibrant purple eyes stare back at my utterly unimportant brown ones with...concern. Huh. I think I know where this is going.
I shake my head slightly before responding.
“Nothing, I’m fine, just...thinking,” I say, pursing my lips and looking down at her hooves. Yeah, real fucking convincing there, buddy old pal. She sighs and I watch her hoof come up to my chin and raise my head again to meet hers. I soften my expression, I think.
“Mezzo, please. What’s wrong?” I see. Now I really know where this is going. I know my resolve is shitty enough to where I’m going to give in, so why not cut to the chase?
I calmly inhale and open my mouth to...alright wow, I did not mean for that breath to come out so shaky. Now I really have sealed my fate.
“You think that like it's a bad thing.”
“Well,” I start, and then pause. Wow, is this what vulnerability feels like? I’d never be able to describe this to anypony else. “You ever get that feeling, about once every two to three months, where you just get these pains in your chest?” I ask. Quickly, I continue.
“B-but not physical pains,” Alright, she’s not panicking anymore, good. “They’re like emotional pains, or something. J-Just, like, uhm, an emotional pain you get in your chest that makes you want to reach out and hug the nearest thing? Which usually ends up being my pillow, which only results in-”
“The longing getting even worse.” She finishes for me. Slowly and confidently, she closes the distance between us and wraps her front hooves around my neck. I can feel my heart speed up. A burst of color. A pegasus leaps from a cloud. The silence is excruciating to the point where our shared breaths and heartbeats are deafening.
For a moment, I just stand there. Frozen.
I inhale.
“You get them too?” I whisper. I can feel her muzzle bury itself into the crook of my neck.
“Hold me.” She whispers, almost as if we were running out of time. But that’s silly, we have all the time in the world.
I comply, throwing my hooves around her and burying my own muzzle into the crook of her neck.
We just stand there for a while, I don’t know how long. Holding each other. Listening to each other’s breaths. Listening to each other’s heartbeats.
I nuzzle in a little closer, she squeezes a bit more. I press myself a little closer to her, and she pulls me in tighter. All in an attempt to somehow get closer to one another.
Suddenly, I feel something soft on the left side of my body. My head shoots up and I look around. I see mounds of...something in the darkness near the bottom of my hooves, tall poles on either side of my field of view, and the floor about a hoof below my point of view. Oh, we’re on the bed. She must have teleported or levitated us. Kinda scary how I didn’t notice, oh well.
I let out another breath and focus on Cadance’s breathing again. I look down at the side of her head. Her cheek, her ear, the side of her immaculate mane. Before I even know what I am doing, I find myself centimeters from her cheek, lips puckered. I widen my eyes and pull my head back. I take a breath. Holy shit, that was scary.
“Coward.”
I shake my head before burying my muzzle again. I squeeze my hooves around her a little tighter. She responds in kind.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Don’t mention it,” she whispers back. “You’re my friend, and I care about you. You have been the light of my life and I hate to see you in pain.” Well, you might be hating a lot more if you keep getting me to open up like this. “And besides, I needed this just as much as you, so thank you.”
For some reason, that, out of everything else, really got to me. I get another feeling in my chest. Is it pain? No, I don’t think so. Uh-oh, my lips are quivering. I don’t see a stop to the waterworks this time.
I feel a wetness slide down my cheek and stop on the furry base beneath it. I sniffle.
Cadance starts rubbing my back.
What did I do to deserve this?
“Nothing, and you don’t have to.” She holds onto me harder.
Fuck, I said that out loud? Oh no. I feel my ears fold back.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean for that to come out.”
“But you were still thinking it.” She points out. I chuckle. Celestia-damn, I’m an idiot.
“Yeah, I was. You got me.” I say, ashamed.
Cadance pulls away from me with a frown. I just look down at the bed.
“Mezzo…” She says, drawing my name out.
I sigh and look up at her.
“‘Getting you’ is not the point. The point is that there’s things you’re not telling me. Why aren’t you telling me? Do you not trust me?” She pleads. I catch myself looking away again and look back at her.
I sigh.
“Candy, of course I trust you. But, these are things I’ve kept bottled up for a…” I purse my lips. “Relatively long time and I’m exactly going to just shatter immediately. Besides, I have a hard time putting my feelings into words. Only in certain moments of clarity and self-reflction do I actually understand one part of them” She sighs and her frown turns contemplative.
“Wait,” she starts. “What do you mean relatively?”
“Well, I mean, you are like, what, 500 years old at this point, so…” I trail off. Cadance frowns again. Oh great.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Cadance waves her hoof dismissively.
“No, no. You’re right, but why would you think to say, subconsciously or otherwise, the word ‘relatively’ when talking about yourself. This isn’t about me. And I know you have no malicious intent, so, why?” Heh, oh yeah that reminds me.
“I guess I just think of others more than myself, sorry.” I say softly.
“Don’t be sorry Mezzy, that’s one of the things that makes you such a great friend.” There’s that pain again.
“And at times an annoying friend but that’s not the point.” Wow, okay. I chuckle at that and Cadance’s face lights up.
“There’s that smile. Now, hold me again.” I’m still laughing as I wrap my hooves around her again.
“Yes ma’am.” Cadance chuckles and I smile wider.
She squeezes a bit tighter and I respond in kind.
The rhythm of her heartbeat is what ultimately allows me to drift off to sleep.
