Rollercoaster

by GabiShy

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Self Insert, Fluttershy
Length: 4470

Kinda a reflection of my own life.

This story stars my Persona Gabi a Transgender Girl who'd just moved to ponyville. Currently living with their best friend Little Spell. Gabi has had an extremely rough life which is one of the main causes for her mental health problems.

Though I'm not too proud of this fic at the moment it's kinda a way for me to express what's going through my head from all the Depression, Anxiety, and OCD along with other mental health issues. Now, please keep in mind that this isn't supose to be a representation of everyones only my own personal experiance. Also keep in mind I'm not the best writter (As someone who has dyslexia) so this stories will most likely be updated over several months.

Published 2021-09-30 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-02-23 02:47:13 UTC

Chapter 1

Our Story begins with a pale pegasus pony with Glasses named Gabi. A teenage pony who wasn’t always a mare but originally born a Stallion. Growing up her family was extremely abusive and she found herself being bullied at school for her interests to the point where the young pegasus was bullied out of liking one of those franchises that helped her not only get through those tough times but helped her find out her true gender. She immediately started doing research on being transgender and discovered that it was possible to go from Stallion to Mare except it was something only high class unicorns or someone like the Princesses of Equestria could do so Gabi stayed in the same body for years to come until she met her best friend Little Spell. She decided to try and get out of the house and why not travel to ponyville she thought since Gabi had only been there a few times as a young phillie but that was years ago, plus it was mostly done to help with her depression which she was diagnosed with at the age of 12 due to the abuse.

The Pegasus didn’t know much about Ponyville or have anyone familiar with her except not for long as Gabi would soon find herself in the market at Spell’s little (hehe pun intended) shop “Little Spells and Potions” He’d called. Funny enough she wasn’t really that interested in magic but something about it just drawed her in. Thought she’d then realised he might have some gender poison! Though unfortunately the Yellow Unicorn mentioned how it was near impossible to get your hands on without consent from Celestia.

“I like your bag,” said Little Spell. The pale pegasus blushed “hehe Thank You, I see you know what Daring Doo is” Spell also noticed something else on the bag “Say I also notice you have a certain pin. I kinda guessed given the vibe the vibe”, Gabi blushed and replied with a nood. After that moment the 2 became close friends with Gabs traveling to see him every weekend.

He taught her a lot about magic and potions along with some darker magic that most ponies don’t go near and that any pony can do called Witchcraft. Still though even with the joy of a new friend she still struggled deeply with depression and dysphoria from not being a mare however… One day would change everything when Little Spell told her that he might know some customer that does high level magic that could maybe transform her into the gender she dreamed. Within days he was able to contact the highly trained pony that could change her and schedule a day to perform the transition.

When the day finally came she met with the pony in a dark alleyway with a cloak. Unfortunately, Little Spell couldn’t make it due to him still running the shop and meeting up with her at the end of the day. After a bit of chit chat he started to set up and perform the spell. “O Celsita, I call on you.
I humbly ask for your assistance.
Hear my request, a simple change
Create this Stallion to Mare!”

The Unicorns horn glowed brightly and a large beam grabbed on to the soon to be mare. She slowly assented into the air as her body slowly started reforming into the body of her dreams. “Yes this is it. I’ll finally be in the body I’ve dreamed of since I was a child-” Before thinking of anything else the transformation completed and she passed out as her body flopped on the ground.

“Gabs… Gabs… Gabs you alright” echoed nuisance vision.

She stumbled to get up before asking what happened to only then realise that her voice was drastically different. She looked around her body in confusion before concluding that the spell worked.

She jumped for joy and shouted “IT WORKED IT WORKED IT WORKED!!!”

But a large feeling of fear washed over the pony after realising that she’ll need to go back home to get her stuff with Little Spell in case anything went wrong. On the train ride thoughts were spiraling out of control with constant worry about where she put the emergency bag was or maybe her mom was waiting in her room but Little Spell reassured her that he’ll be there in case anything bad happened, which it did. She flew up to her room and entire her window only to find her mother in the room pulling the pony in and beating the buck out of her while shaming her. Little tried to help but his magic couldn’t reach the room. Finally she was able to buck her mom away and grabbed the bag and attempted to fly out of the window before her mom grabbed her leg “now where do you think you're going?” She let out a loud scream and tried to free herself but couldn’t. Thankfully Little Spell freed her with some magic as she crashed to the ground.She was bruised badly. The two ponies quickly went to catch the train and brought the pale pegasus to the hospital to check for any broken bones which thankfully none.

She knew her family would be upset with her but not to that extent of feeling like nobody loved or cared about her. After that whole mess of emotions she moved in with Little Spell like was planned since he was very fortunate enough to have a spare bedroom in the house with only a futon in it. The next week Gabs stayed in her room for several days with curtains and lights off and only leaving her room for food and hygiene with most of the time being spent listening to stories about fictional story of pony depression and suicide along with grimdark’s as the mind has a tendency to want to consome dark media due to the current state.

The time not listening to that was spent reflecting on life after transforming into her true self though thinking about her childhood made her think about what life would’ve been like if she was born as a cis mare instead of a stalion which only made the weight on her heavier.

“Feels like someone threw a heady weighted blanket on me without being strong enough to lift me up. Just trapped in a pitch-black tunnel with no light show at the end and the more and more I think about ending my life it seems to be a relief of closure because what’s the point of fighting if the battle is such a struggle to keep on fighting. I’ll never get to experience my lost childhood as a girl, never get to know what franchise other girls got into, nor experience what other only cis girls got to experience while growing up.” Tears started to flow down her face. “What’s the point of continuing if all I feel is constant pain. None only way out of it would be suicide. If I ended my life then I may have a chance to relive my childhood as the girl I wanted to but if not then… then” She face planted in her pillow and started sobbing uncontrollably along with hyperventilation.

Just then Little Spell walked and cracked the door slightly open to check on his friend before quietly walking up to her. She looked up at him, tears were streaming down her red face for distress and shaking.

“Her lemme take off your glasses since I find it easier to cry” he said.

“T-thank you, c-can I have a hug?”

He opened his arms up with Gabi falling right into his arm before saying.

“I know what it’s like to greif about this sort of thing, heck at least every pony goes through lost childhood at some point including me. What I can say from my own personal experience is that it's easy to think of all the experiences you’ve missed out on which is why you gotta look forward and think about it. If you 're never trans then we would’ve probably never met since you asked me for a gender poison along or Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. You met them all because you are Transgender. Which is why I love you” now hugging his friend slightly tighter.

The two sat there and hugged each other for what felt like hours before Gabi finally let out some words.

“I-I l-love you too Spell. I’m truly grateful to have you in my life after all you’ve done from me. To help me transition, let me live here, and most importantly have someone who loves and cares for me.”

“Anytime girl, now how would you like to maybe go out to Sugarcube counters to get a little treat? I know sweets always cheer me up”

She nodded in return

“Great, let me know when you're ready. I’ll give you some time alone for you to collect your thoughts and feelings.”

She tried to get up but flopped back down onto the futon. It felt like she’d been sucked of her energy though after a couple minutes of pondering she’d finally gained the energy to roll out of bed and go out with Little Spell. Despite her not feeling any mental energy to go to Sugarcube conners she’d only accepted to make her friend happy since due to the thought of it hurting him. The Pegasus laid there before finally having the energy to roll out of bed and head out with Little Spell. This was the first time she’d gone outside since getting to Ponyville and something about it felt surreal. Maybe it was the sun setting or maybe it was the fact that she had very low energy. Little Spell caught wind of this and mentioned how they could go back home if she’d wanted though Gabs chose to push forward anyway despite the Depression feeling like it gulped her whole body so much that it kept the worrisome feeling about other ponies seeing her.

“Anyways we’re here!” He said grinning.

“Oh that was fast”

Ding ding ding went to the door as the pony entered. It was quite as the was around Sunset with Pinkie Pie cleaning the counter before looking over at the entrance to only burst in excitement, except it wasn’t her normal rather it was on a whole new level after gaining eyes on Gabs. The Pale Pegasus didn’t even notice Pinkie was looking in her direction until the Party Pony rushed up and greeted with a warm hug.

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD?!? GABI IS THAT YOU GASP NO WAY?!? OH MY GOD YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT FROM LAST TIME WE MET SO MUCH SO THAT I HADN'T EVEN RECONNECTED IT WAS YOU OR ANY OTHER PONY IN PONYVILLE UNTIL I SAW YOUR CUTIE MARK!!! OH MY GOD YOU LOOK SO PRETTY GASP WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CALLS FOR? A PARTY!!!”

She tried to calm herself down as the party pony supired her before Little Spell tapped on her to notify Pinkie. Pinkie Pie put Gabs down and apologised.

“I’m so sorry for scaring you like that I promise I didn’t mean to”

“I-it’s okay, I understand you were excited to s-see me”, Gabs said, slightly shaking.

“Anyways what can I get for you, two mares and stallions?” Pinkie Pie asked with Little Spell responding

“Oh we just came down her to get some evening treats plus this mare could really use one”

Pinkie Pie slimed “Well why didn’t you say so? What would you like? Oh wait I should probably get back to the counter hehe”

The two ponies walked over to the counter to see what was available. Despite it being near closing hours the glass display was packed with Caramel Squares, Cupcakes, Chocolate Danishes, and of course cookies along with other sweets.

“Let’s see I’ll have some Circle City Sweets. What about you Gabs?” asked the Yellow Unicorn.

Gabi wasn’t really paying attention and instead looked down at her hooves shaking about what her mother did. She’d never thought she’d beat up a child let alone your daughter sure she was very abusive but that was only verbal abuse not physical violence. Pinkie Pie standing behind the counter patiently waiting for the pale pegasus’s order all though, she couldn’t help but ponder if everything was all right with her friend?

“Umm Gabi is everything alright?” Pinkie asked

Little Spell called her name again.

“Gabi?”

“Huh?” she zoned back into the current place.

“You alright?”

“Yeah yeah I-I’m okay. I’ll take a cupcake”

but in actuality, everything wasn’t okay.

Sneak Peak of whats to come

She’d stayed in her room for several days only leaving her room for food and hygiene. Most of the time was spent listening to stories about fictional story of pony depression and suicide

“Feels like someone threw a heady weighted blanket on me without being strong enough to lift me up. Just trapped in a pitch-black tunnel with no light show at the end and the more and more I think about ending my life it seems to be a relief of closure because what’s the point of fighting if the battle is such a struggle to keep on fighting since I’ll never get to experience my lost childhood as a girl, never get to know what franchise other girls got into, nor experience what other only cis girls got to experience while growing up.”

She said as she felt her eyes get heavier and heavier before dozing off into sleep she was suddenly woken up by the doorbell being run a bunch of times and a loud bang. She stumbled out of her fution anxiously startinging to get pins and needles all over her body. She debated on going down but too scared of who it could be or what if it was some pony in desperate need with none to help. Despite her anxiety Gabi went downstairs to investigate except some pony was in the front entrance and to her surprise she found her mother standing in the middle of the front entrance.

“I’ve been expecting you, son” her mother said.

Immediately she felt a sharp shock in her body and froze on the spot.

“You know awful it is for you to change your gender right? Especially since you’re my son, not my daughter”

She said as she trotted up the stairs slowly to her. As her mother got closer Gabi slowly backed upstairs but only to find her brother towering over the small pegasus.

“Why don’t we try making him who he was again”

The two of them disappeared and immediately the stairs turned into a slip and slide. Gab tried to hold on the railings but her wings went right through it like it was a hologram, she fell through the floor with a loud crash into an endless pit with her past memories and her mom and brothers faces surrounding her as they shamed her for transitioning. She tried to fly but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t. Almost like both wings were clipped. Suddenly the both of them started chanting

“something something, I will make a better chant for later. Shall he return to the way he was FOREVER!”

a large beam of light crashed on the anxious.

Thankfully she woke up in a state of distress but in her normal pony self. Though her room was a bit different, almost like it was a princess room. She decided to go outside and see what exactly this place was called.

“Little Spell?” (My friend other OC) Gabi called as she walked down the halls.

Suddenly she realized this was Castle Ruins of the Two Sisters. Memories started to flood her mind on how obsessed she was with them as a child and one thing led to another memory opened up this time of summer camp in Canterlot.

“I remember the Sisters allowing me to stay in the pony cabin and them being so kind and treating me as if I was a Pony”

Suddenly it hit her

“I’ll never get to experience them as my childhood, as a pony” the pegasus said as they attempted to hold back the tears but couldn’t hold it in.

Tears burst out as she collapsed onto the ground

“Why, why was I cursed in the wrong body?!? Knowing I’ll never get to live through my loss Ponyhood”

Just then Princess Luna slowly descended from the moon into the castle.

“P Princess Luna?” Said Gabi as she looked up and immediately trotting over to her hugging her.

She had a strong relationship with Luna as a child due to Gabs loving her night sky even as a child and her protecting her from nightmares through out her whole life.

“Why must’ve I’ve been born in the wrong body Princess. Just to suffer? To never get to experience my life the way I wished years ago. Or to only get abused by the ones who raised me” She said

”Now now girl, it’s easy to look back on the darkest of times and even if you may never experience your lost childhood. What matters most is what you’ve accomplished during your transition. Here lemme show you” She placed her horn gently on Gabs forehead.

The two mares transported to the emptiness of space so the Princess could project all the memories to her.

“See look Gabi ''

She wiped away her tears from underneath her glasses.

“This was the first day you met Little Spell” Luna cheered in excitement.

“Oh and how about that time you went to a Daring Do Convention and met tons of great people. Even if you’d haven’t heard from them at least you found people you connected with”

Though Gabi couldn’t help but feel a bit dysphoric due to her past of not being a mare. The Princess caught wind

“Unfortunately I cannot change the memories but think about it, you probably would’ve never met Little Spell if it wasn’t for your transition” Luna mentioned.

“Feel better?” Luna asked Gabs.

“Yes, a bit better thank you Luna. You always feel like a mother to me Princess” She replied.

Luna smiled “no worries girl”.

Everything around them started to warp a distortion.

“You seem to waken soon, now girl but before I go remember you are loved and cared for by many ponies like Little Spell and of course, m ” the Princess of the night said before fading off into darkness.

She opened her eyes to be greeted by her best friend Little Spell who was standing next to her Fution.

“Good morning sleepy sleepy head” he said.

Gabi let out a little chuckle as she scrambled to find her glasses

“Looking for these?”

He said he put her glasses on. She Smiled and replied “Yeah hehe, Thank you Spell!”.

He smiled in retuned before saying

“Hey, Flutters stopped by this morning, she asked if we would like to go to the market at around 12:30 pm. She asked if I’d like to go but-”

The brown haired pegasus pony cut him with an excited “Yes!”.

“Oh sweet! But unfortunately I can’t make it since the house needs to be cleaned.”

When Little broke the news She slowly started to feel the energy suck out of her knowing that her best friend wouldn’t make it
“Oh okay”.

Though Little did reassure her that the two of them could go out maybe next weekend and maybe go out with Twilight as well.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you girl but hopefully you understand”

She looked up and gave a nod to him which was her way of saying I understand.

“You might wanna get ready since she will be here in less than 2 hours” Little replied,

as he walked out of the guest room. Her eyes widened in fear except felt no motivation to get out of bed instead just lay there and process the dream that just happened.

Except the more and more she thought about it she started imagining what her mother would say to her if she saw the pony in her current state. Shaming her for sleeping in and how she was lazy with no bright future ahead. Strangely that gave her the motivation to get out and make sure to get ready before Fluttershy and her went out. Hopping into the show to wash herself and fix her greasy mane she could help but noticed that the shampoo was the exact same one used back at home. It sent the pony into a spiral of what if’s

“What if I become like my mother or brother”

“What happens if I do become like them?”

“Will I lose Little Spell”

Eventually she was able to hop out of the spiral but it was only thanks to the alarm on her phone reminding her how long to shower for.

Author's Note

This will most likely be constantly rewritten over and over but this is kinda of an pre-alpha script rn.

Chapter 2 (INCOMPLETE)

*Knock Knock* went the front door. The pale pegasus pony flew over to the door in excitement to be greeted by Fluttershy

“Hey Gabi” She said softly before her eyes widened in surprise to see her friend. She looked radically different from the last time they met from how small she was, her beatfuil mane, and she'd assintally went all emo. The only sign saying it was Gabi was her cutie mark.

“Oh-oh my goddess G-Gabi... you look... amazing!" Fluttershy said. Gabi was blushing hard with a lardge smile before returning with a big hug to Flutters,

“It’s great to see you again Flutters” Gabs replied.

“You too! Umm Little Spell told me about what happened and I wanna say I'm sorry but I can see the transformation was worth it considering how amazing you look!"

Gabi was blushing even harder now before repying with a thank you.

The two hugged each other before Flutters remember why she was here.

"Oh, Are you ready to head out? It’s okay if you're not, I can come back at a later time”.

“Oh no I’m ready!”

“Great let’s head out”

The two of them said goodbye to Little Spell and flew off to the market. It was fairly busier than usual which made the two pegasus anxious though thankfully they had the two of each other to help with the social anxiety. Both of them had a blast going around to the different stalls seeing all the amazing products each pony had for sale and to top it all off was the amazing smell of Apple Pie from the Apple Family that enveloped the whole town. They stopped by the stall even though Gabi was extremely shy of meeting Applejack and the rest of her family at first but thankfully after Flutters encouragement she was able to build up the courage to meet everyone.

“Howdy Sugar cubes'' Said Applejack

“Say Fluttershy is that the Gabi I’ve been hearing so much about?”

She nodded in reply as she looked at Gabs who partly hid her face behind her mane due to her shyness. “H-hi, I’m G-Gabi” she said in a softly quiet voice.

''Well it's great to finally meet you after all the amazing things I’ve been told by all your amazing friends!” Applejack said as she grabbed her hoof and started shaking it rapidly.

Applejack noticed she was shaking and breathing heavily after the shake
“I’m sorry about that, I tend to get carried away sometimes”

“Thanks for coming with me Gabi! I usually don’t do well in crowds”
Said Fluttershy; Gabi simled

“Anytime Fluttershy, I’m the same ways when going out so I guess two pegasus’s with similar personali- OOF”

Gabi wasn’t looking where she was going and ran straight into someone and stumbled.

“Hey, watch it!” the pony replied.

“Oh my goodness I am so sorry”

She said anxiously as she readjusted her glasses. A few seconds later she realized who it was.. It was her brother.

“You okay Gabi? '' asked Fluttershy, she didn’t reply, only stared at her brother.

“Holy you can’t even watch where you're going?”

Flashbacks of her past came flooding into her mind of all the awful things her family did to the queer pony. Gabi sprung up and dashed away to wherever her wings took her with Fluttershy confused and following the pony shortly after.

“What’s up with them?” One of her brothers friend asked.

“Oh no worries it’s just my stupid brother”

“Your brother?” His friend replied

“It’s a long story.

Lost Chapter

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3 (INCOMPLETE)

Author's Note

Around the time of writing this my then best friend had decided to step away from our relationship before ending it later a week later. This had caused me to spiral into a state of panic about what would happen to our friendship and the way I'd coped with all that anxiety was through writing this fan fic.

Chapter 3 (INCOMPLETE)

Ideas Anxiety: Stomach feels like being drained of all life
what feels like a black hole sucking her body whole
Feels like someone poured lead into her stomach.

After the encounter with her brother she stayed in the guest room shaking and butterflies in her stomach while in a fight or flight mode. Being described as on high alert at all times with hooves shaking, blood rushing up and down, throat being wrapped around by a python, small twitching, and feeling weightless as you try and keep your head and body blanched. Any of the senses would lead

The more time stood still and thoughts raced the worse the twitching and thoughts became which would soon lead to teeth chattering, eyelids twitching and worse thoughts.

“What if he never wants to be my friend again. Are we still friends? Is he gonna leave me like his deities advised? Will he forever hate me? What happens if I try witchcraft again, will I accidently hex him again?!? Or worst? What if I cause serious harm to him that he’ll hex me?!?” She said as her whole body shakes in fear before flopping on to the cusion curing up into a ball before breathing heavily

“What’s gonna happen?!? Is he never gonna speak to me again or let me know if he needs some time away or maybe… What if I’ll never learn what harm I’m causing him OH NO NO NO NO… Girl please learn from your mistakes I don’t wanna lose him he’s my only close friend I got Maybe the only way out of it is death”

She spilled into a heavy panic attack with what feels like no way off the endless spirling slide.