Sex With Pinkie Pie Would Suck

Twilight took a deep breath, stiffening as she heard the fuuzy footfalls rising up her front steps.

It hadn't been easy, but she was proud of herself for taking the initiative. Pinkie had been the apple of her eye for many moons now, ever since she had first stepped foot into Ponyville. As time had gone on and they had found themselves growing closer together, she had finally decided to make the move that would change her life forever.

"Ah... err... umm.. heh, heh, well the thing is... Ach... Err. if you wouldn't mind... I mean, if it's all the same to you... it's for a study, of course... you know, books can never provide the same experience as real life... but if you're interested... Maybe we could... hypothetically, of course... well, I just think, maybe we... maybe it would be a good idea... I mean, would you... maybe like to have sex?"

"Sure!"

Mortifying ordeal. She had considered just running away to serve in a war for five years then returning to Ponyville with a new identity to buy a large mansion directly across from Pinkie and hold a bunch of parties in the hopes of luring her in with status and wealth, but she had taken the riskier gamble, and it had paid off. And now, after so, so long, she was about to get her cooch wet.

Many books had been perused with tweezers and disinfectant spray, but she could now consider herself the end all be all expert on coitus. She was prepared. She was confident. She was hot and bothered.

Fuck! She had nearly forgotten. In the split second before the last step was taken and the door was open, her horn launched seventeen different matrices, pulling a long bed and hundreds of roses shooting towards her and into place. As the entrance creaked open, she scrambled back onto it and threw some petals over herself haphazardly.

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

She... didn't know what to do now. Pinkie was in her doorway, beaming happily, which was generally a good sign, but now Twilight had a bed in her living room.

She promptly stood up and chucked it out the window into the night sky at 700 kph.

God, Pinkie looked pretty tonight. Her haircut had been drawn slightly differently, and her flash file looked especially crisp tonight. Did she have one more copy and pasted sparkle in her eye than usual tonight? Celestia, she had dolled herself up.

"You! I mean, of course you came, but you look nice! That is to say, ah, I think sex... will be enjoyable!" She puffed herself up like a horny bird, which she very much was.

"Aww, Thank you!"

Yes, perfect. She was winning at romance, which was very possible to do. Now was where her training really came into play; take her up into the bedroom, assume the proper position, and repeat movements at varying frequencies until orgasm was achieved. Were there people who found this hard? This was just low level grinding in Final Fantasy, but with tongue movements.

"Follow me... upstairs." Twilight said lavaciously, dropping the eyelids for emphasis. "I have... an extra bed."

"Okey dokey lokey!"

The two crossed upstairs, and Twilight fell back into bed, spreading her hindlegs invitingly with a look that said 'There is so much sand in my eyes but if I close them for a second I risk being obliterated by an enemy mortor round.' Pinkie took the hint, climbing atop her, and Twilight fanned herself with a hoof as the air rose in temperature between them.

"Whoo... Shall we...?"

"We shall!"

Suddenly, she was diving down, and YES! This was everything she had imagined! She was winning at sex! There was a long thing inside her she wasn't directly controlling, her chest was rising up and down, her eyes were rolling back, these were exactly the symptoms she had observed in her case study perusals from qualified experts. Her night couldn't get much better than this.

Her breathing hitched and labored as the patterns steadied, and she found herself gripping onto the bedframe to keep her entire body from shaking from the force of the actions as her sweet spot was repeatedly lapped at. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander to the pony at her flower, mind suddenly teeming with possibilities of where she might be taken next. The night was young, and someone like Pinkie was short none of ideas.

As made abundantly clear by Pinkie's tendency to vary; The moments where she withdrew her exploring to draw a line around her outer lips and tear Twi's insides from the warmth of her reach were what really made the experience worth it, and left her constantly breathing for more. Twilight was tight, but Pinkie's tongue somehow always found a way to go deeper, eliciting hundreds of nerves at once as she managed to hit all of them on the way to the G-spot.

"You liking it?"

"Yeah, Celestia, I'm-" Wait. Tongue in pony pussy. Talking requires tongue. Pinkie was still hunched over her. Calculating. Solution: turn around.

Pinkie was standing at the head of her bed, teleported in the split second Twilight wasn't looking. She smiled at her partner vacantly, oblivious to Twilight's growing horror- She even had a soda bottle in one hoof, as if watching someone else have sex. Which meant...

Twilight screamed. Then she looked down to see the giant balloon copy of Pinkie lying limply on top of her exactly where flesh Pinkie had just vanished from. Then she screamed louder.

"Okay, let's try this again." Twilight panted, shedding her cold towel and shaking herself off, floofing her coat in the process. She was topping this time; Nothing Pinkie would be going on. Simply a good wholesome time where she climbed on top of her new girlfriend and ate her out like there was no tomorrow.

Twilight prowled upon her prone pink partner predatorily, picking the perfect patch of pussy to pilfer with a prying peeper. With a curious tongue, she spread her partner's lips and went in deep, trying to elicit a scream on the first attempt; from her research, the more the partner screamed, the better you were doing. Clearly, the best first move was to cause as much stimulation as possible.

Fluids flowed into her mouth, eyes melting shut at the taste, but curiously she realized she wasn't getting much of a reaction. Recalibrating, she nestled her face deeper betwixt the legs, sinking into her lover's waist as far as she could, still finding no resistance at the tip of her tongue. She tried stretching, further and further, until she hit something... rubber.

Twilight emerged with confusion. "Err... Do you mind if I...?"

Her horn lit, and she reached with a delicate invisible hand deep inside Pinkie- biting back a smile as she caught her squirming- before finally wrapping around a solid intruder, tugging and twisting and finally pulling out an entire rubber chicken.

There was a moment of silence as Twilight searched for a word, any word, to describe the cocktail of volatile emotions she felt in the moment her entire life had led up to, standing in front of the love of her life and holding a rubber chicken covered in femme fluides up in front of her.

"Pinkie."

"Yea?"

"What is this?"

She squinted. "Why, it's a rubber chicken!"

Twilight tilted her head, lips pursed tightly. "What's it doing a hoof's length inside you?"

"A lot of things end up there!"

Twilight felt dirty. Fundamentally, intrinsically dirty, to the molecular level.

This was not helped when Pinkie reached into herself with her own foreleg and proceeded to procure a giant anvil, a bicycle with an exaggeratedly large horn, a stick of dynamite she promptly tossed out the window, and a single quarter.

"I know, I know you're excited, just calm yourself a bit, alright?"

Yes! They were moving so quickly! They were already having a heart to heart about the hurdles in their relationship, on their first night! This was perfect!

Pinkie's hindleg thumped in agreement, and possible wetness. "I can, don't worry!"

Pinkie could calm herself. Twilight quickly turned and coughed to hide a different noise. "Sorry, something in my throat...." She feebly offered.

"Oh no! Let me see!"

Twilight felt the distinct sensation of Pinkie's entire head in her open mouth, searching around for something, and quickly pushed her back. "No, nope, you see, this is what I mean. Let's just do something normal for this first time, alright?"

Pinkie nodded exuberantly. That was the only way she nodded, but Twi considered it a green flag.

Twi took a breath, slowly leaning forward. "I just... love you so much, and want this to be special... You understand right?"

Her lips met Pinkie's, and the two embraced, fondly frenching until Twi began to move lower, nibbling along her neck and grinning at the jolts of excitement it sent up her through subtly squirms.

"I want to enjoy this as much as you do, Pinkie..."

Then down her chest, leaving kisses all the way, tensing and pacing herself before once again returning to the fray.

"I care about you, and I think we can work together, as one..."

Down to the waist. Pinkie's lips were red and moist by now, and Twilight was in the home stretch, tongue trepidatiously emerging.

"This is... our very first time... and I think we can make it-"

Twi felt a prodding to the tip of her horn, and she forced herself to abandon the prize, eyes meeting Pinkie's longingly. Her partner's mouth was agape less than an inch, lip quivering, and her words slipped out, almost accidentally.

"...First...?"

Twilight nodded. "I think we can make this the start of something beautiful."

Pinkie's eyes widened. "But that means..."

She leaned in. Twilight leaned in. Pinkie found her ear, and whispered salaciously;

"We need a party."

Twilight's eyes jolted open. All foreplay was forgotten, and she could already hear the rumbling outside. She had known this whole time, and probably before it; Pinkie could always find time to send invitations, especially to something this big.

The decorations were there. They had existed in a plane just two inches to the right of reality for all of time and space until this moment, and now they had always been above Twilight's bed, blazing with eternal language;

FIRST TIME FUCKING PARTY

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Twilight screamed fruitlessly as the door came down.

The room was full. Punch was spilled, cupcakes were served, and all eyes were on her, hundreds of friends and strangers watching the most intimate moment of her life. There were laughs, cries, lovers; The moon was dying, the morning dawned. It was a Pinkie Party, and Twilight was the epicenter around which all the world revolved now.

Twilight was never putting her tongue anywhere near Pinkie again.