El Presidente in Equestria

by An A10 Warthog

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Comedy, Adventure, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 2368

When Tropico gets invaded, El Presidente has no choice but to retreat into early retirement.

When Tropico gets invaded, El Presidente has no choice but to retreat into early retirement.

Published 2012-09-10 09:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-11 19:19:23 UTC

Chapter 1

NOTE: This is not entirely cannon in the Tropico 4 universe, as Juanito appears as well as Dr. Steinschneider without his actions in the game's Campaign, the soldiers in this story are also mostly using AK-47s instead of the M-16s depicted in game.

"I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man." - Che Guevara

Tropico, October 1974

El Presidente huffed on his cigar. He had heard that the Americans were at an all time low on the diplomatic scale, but surely they wouldn't invade him. His life was good, he had a 'study session' with Miss Pineapple tonight, still, having talked to Ambassador Crane the night before put him on edge just a bit. He knew that the Ambassador would try to scare him, being aligned with the communists more than the capitalists. Suddenly, Penultimo rushed into the room, a solider following behind him. El Presidente put the cigar down and looked up at the incompetent man before him.

"What do you want? I'm busy ruling!" He stated at Penultimo.

"El Presidente, foreign gunships have been spotted circling the waters near Tropico!"

El Presidente, turned on his radio, and looked out the window with a set of binoculars. He saw the American warships circling the nation, and heard Jaunito say something about the Americans being hypocrites 'for invading a democracy with values they so often claim to defend'. He picked up a telephone, and dialed the number for General Rodriguez.

"What can you do about the Americans?" He asked his military head.

"Uh, not much I'm afraid sir, they say they'll invade soon if we don't do what they want?"

"What do they want?"

"Nothing we can do, si-"

He had already hung up and began dialing his chief scientist.

"Hello Dr. Steinschneider."

"AGH! Vat iz it Presidente?"

"Did you build the nuclear weapons that I asked for?"

"Nukes?" He said surprised, "I built portal to alternate universe though."

"Can you get it up and running in a week?"

"Of course, Presidente."

El Presidente hung up and ordered his men to dig positions on the beaches of the island. He sighed. Well, at least he could still have his 'study session' with Miss Pineapple.

The Ambassador was in the airport when war was declared, getting on board a small prop aircraft. The American tourists were being evacuated from the island as El Diablo and the nationalists were killing them in their riots. Mr. Crane was pulled from his seat, and slammed onto the runway as two SWAT members approached. The men leveled their MP5s with his head, as Rodriguez walked up and pointed his .45 at the man's head.

"You lose," he said, pulling the trigger and sending a bullet through his brain.

The American Captain John Wilkins, on the USS New Jersey sipped from his cup of coffee. He looked at the small island in disdain.

"When we gonna fire?" The Captain asked the other ships' Captains.

None of them knew. He sighed, slumping back in his chair. This was defiantly going to be a long day.

He looked at his watch. 14:34. Nothing was going to happen that would disturb the world that moment. He considered phoning his family back home. He didn't. He talked to the officer next to him about football when a radio call came in.

"Battlegroup 2-0, we are mission go, I repeat, mission go, begin the assault."

The Captain stood up quickly and acknowledged. He smiled. This would be a real use for his 16' cannons.

El Presidente's Rolls-Royce narrowly dodged a piece of the palace that fell off behind him. Penutinmo wasn't the best driver- but he got the job done. He hoped he could get to the Academy of Science before the Americans arrived on shore. An F-14 destroyed a Tropican helicopter flying over the park, followed by an A-6 bombing the Army base nearby. El Presidente saw a AH-1 Cobra flying over the city, as it fired its cannon at his car. The car flipped and El Presidente climbed out of the mangled wreckage, with Penutinmo dying in the crash. He ran towards the destination about a block away now.

An American AAV stopped in front of him, allowing a group of Marines to exit the vehicle and point their M-16s at his head, forcing him to place his pistol, A Colt M1911, on the ground . A UH-1N lowered behind him as the Marines were to load him into it. An APC rounded the corner of the street and fired on the Huey, causing it to crash into the Cinema nearby.

Tropican Army troops got out of the APC, one firing at the Cobra helicopter with his SAM missile launcher, another attempting to destroy the AAV, others shooting at the Marines with their AK-47s. El Presidente picked up his .45 and unloaded his clip into the US soldiers nearby. As he caught his breath, he picked up a M16A1 from one of the soldiers, as well as several clips from the body. He took off running towards the building, which was now three hundred yards from him. A Tropican Jeep rounded the corner, revealing General Rodriguez to be driving.

"Get in Senor!" He told El Presidente as he fired his rifle at the oncoming soldiers.

The Jeep pulled on to the sidewalk near the building, blocked by the sandbags the SWAT members had put up in front of the Academy. The General and El Presidente ran forward only to have Rodriguez taken down by an American sniper in top of the skyscraper hotel. Presidente had entered the building when the roadblock was crushed by a Sheridan tank.

Dr. Steinschneider was already gone when El Presidnete rushed into the room with the wormhole machine in it. It didn't take him long to figure out where he went. The machine was on and El Presidente was ready. He plunged through the multiverse.

Princess Celestia was talking to Shining Armor in her throne room when he appeared. He wore strange green clothes and held a black stick in his hands.

Chapter 2: This Better Be Important!

"Condemn me, it does not matter; history will absolve me." - Fidel Castro

El Presidente stared at the horses. The horses stared at him. He looked at his M-16. They looked at his M-16. He brought the awkward silence to an end with his wise words:

"Are you a rebel?"

The white unicorn spoke in a confused, male voice, "Uh, hello?"

It was El Presidente's turn to be confused. "I am the glorious leader of Tropico, how may I be of service?" He bowed. He doubted that even with his wit, charm and his fists, dulzura and libertad, that he could take on an entire universe full of capitalist alien pig bastards.

The larger horse, this one with both wings and a horn and a pastel mane, pushed the unicorn aside and spoke, "I need a new adviser. As my old one got kind of, uh, caught up with interstellar travel."

Presidente didn't hesitate. With a smile on his face, the Tropican leader came up with a response that would make an ordinary man wonder how he could cope with not being so charismatic, "It would be my pleasure to help you manage your nation, miss..?" Presidente continued.

"Just call me Celestia," She spoke, causing El Presidente to wonder yet again if this was real or if Penultimo had spiked his water with 'happy powder'. But, he still had something to deal with here, so he played along.

"So, Celestia," Presidente said openly, not fearing anything she could do to him, "What exactly do you need me to do?"

She stopped for a second, before smiling, "Well, I'll get my quill. I want to know everything about you!"

El Presidente simply smiled awkwardly, attempting to back up but stopped upon backing into a wall. Seemingly out of options, he spoke, "Sounds good to me. Where should I begin?"

The Marine pulled himself out of the soot that he rested in. He gulped, realizing now that it wasn't a good idea to try to turn on the device that he had just found in the building. Instinctively, he checked his rifle. All twenty rounds were in the clip, plus one in the chamber. His M1911 pistol was also at one hundred percent, albeit having already emptied a magazine.

A high pitched snarl put the man's hair follicles to stand up. Something else was out here. He wasn't afraid of much- but he didn't like not knowing. Or being alone. He didn't like the notion that most likely no one would ever find him. He knew what he was capable of- he couldn't take on a whole world. Hell, the solider even missed Vietnam.

Presidente smiled. His new office was almost as nice as his old palace's office. Not quite as warm, or as tropical. But he didn't have to deal with everyone constantly asking of him, and that was worth the sacrifice of the weather. He was worlds away from his many enemies now, and the annoying sheep that called themselves 'advisors' and 'faction leaders'.

Still, something was amiss. He missed his many beautiful mistresses, and the country being his. Still, this was obviously a super power, with a palace that dwarfed his own. With a sigh he remembered the fate of his own palace. It didn't matter now- there was no way anyone from his past could ever come back to his life now, in this new land.

But, he'd only been here two hours, and he loved every minute spent here. He decided he should frame his M-16 on the wall, as it wasn't likely he would need to make use of it in the foreseeable future. He had a whole list of interior design plans for his new office, and sleeping quarters as well. However, something was off in the air around him- he could sense that. It was quivering with danger, like earlier that day when his nation was attacked.

Had it really been just this morning? It felt more like three months. He decided that he might as well figure out what his job even did. He doubted he could just get away with being Penultimo. He stepped out of his office and started walking down the hallway.

Finally, he reached a receptionist's desk and asked her what he was needed to do, if anything. The mare abruptly informed him that Celestia wanted to speak to him personally, and that she wanted the receptionist to get him soon.

The former Tropican ruler left for the Princess's quarters, which were up in one of the towers. He still couldn't believe the size of this building. It was far larger than anything he had seen before in his life, so naturally, he didn't know where the quarters actually were. So, he decided that he should ask one of the lower ranking ponies to show him the way.

He walked into Princess Celestia's chambers to find her waiting for him, an impatient expression plastered on her face. El Presidente wasn't sure how to act, especially with the two guards taking up positions by the door.

"Greetings, Princess," He decided now was not a good time to be condescending.

She smiled back at him before speaking, “We seem to have a bit of a problem. The ponies that run the market seem to want better wages, and they won’t work until they get what they want.”

He chuckled with experience, he knew how to handle this. “Mam, I have plenty of experience when it comes to dealing with this kind of thing,” he said as he removed his Colt handgun from his holster and racked the slide.

The alicorn mare gave a look of perplexion at the sight of the semiautomatic before speaking, “What is that anyway?”

The brave hero of Tropico looked towards the princess and grinned wickedly, “Motivation.”

The Benevolent Ruler of Tropico, the best nation on the Earth, walked down the street, flanked by two Equestrian Royal Guards. They weren’t his guards, sure, he missed that much, but it didn’t matter much to him anymore. He had to deal with it and get these ponies to stop striking.

Sure, he’d dealt with strikes before. And he had learned that they typically wouldn’t stop if you just gave them what they wanted, after all as the saying goes, “If you give a mouse a cookie...”. Which reminded him he wanted a cookie himself. He decided that he would get one later.

Ponies stared at him as he walked past, many grumbling statements under their breaths. To this, he simply smiled his trademark smile, waved at them and continued on his way. Every single pony stared at him, unlike back at home when they would all salute him. NO! The president thought, They are simply jealous of me! That is it!

Content with his new thoughts, he reached the strikers finally. They stopped holding their signs with their magic when the intimidating man in the green suit walked up, pistol being removed from its holster and held firmly in his right hand. He randomly walked up to one of the unicorns and pointed the pistol at a watermelon only four inches in front of the stallion’s head.

He pulled the trigger, sending massive amounts of melon gore everywhere. The red and juicy flesh splattered all over the stand, and those near it. El Presidente’s aviators were now covered in the very juicy remains of the melon.

He moved his sleeve to his glasses, wiped the melon off and said, “Back to work,” very simply before walking off with the white pegasus stallions of the royal guard. He had made his point clear. They knew they didn’t want to mess with El Presidente.

Author's Note

Sorry guys about taking so long to update this. This was a hard one to figure out where to take it, as well as I've had plenty of work to be delivered to a person, and organization, the name of both shall not be disclosed.