Rock N' Roll Death Machine
Author's Note
I literally ran out of stuff to say and came up with the craziest shit I could think of at the end.
Rock N' Roll Death Machine
Rain descended over Townsville in a punishing downpour. This wasn't the girls' first rodeo: not by a long shot. The same could be said for their male counterparts, Brick, Butch, and Boomer. To keep things interesting, they invited Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and their friends to hang out at the house. Twilight teleported everyone there to avoid the sky's liquid assault. When Brick put in a Five Finger Death Punch CD, all hell broke loose. A pit spanning the entire room opened up.
After a brief period of pushing, pulling, and occasionally accidentally backhanding each other, the party mellowed out a bit. Pinkie played Pokémon with Bubbles while Blossom did her makeup in a dark, gothic style. Rainbow continued rocking out with Butch and Brick. Boomer played an MMO called Revelation: Online on Buttercup's Laptop. He played through the story campaign, deciding to complete it before beefing up his character further. Buttercup settled in for a game of Final Fantasy VII on the desktop. She played the steam version with the cheats to make the game easier. The rest of the group took turns on the Xbox.
"Yo, what the fuck," Boomer exclaimed, "Why does the fish have two million HP!? What kinda bullshit...!?
Buttercup burst out in a fit of laughter.
"Hahaha! Sucks to be you, nerd!"
"It ain't funny, ya ass!"
"You're right. It's priceless!"
Blossom finished her makeup just as her sister's episode concluded.
"I'm gonna grab some snacks. You guys want anything?"
Buttercup raised her arm.
"Monster."
"Anything else?"
"Chips and pepsi." Boomer requested.
"You guys got any pizza rolls?" Rainbow inquired.
"Buttercup always has a stash."
"Noice!"
"Bitch, you ain't even gonna ask me?" Buttercup scolded.
Blossom shrugged her shoulders.
"Who always drinks all the chocolate milk, ya big baby?"
"Hey, I'm perpetually five, okay! We've been in kindergarten for twenty years. Cut me some slack."
"Fair enough."
"Well, it's not so bad. We can still trick-or-treat. Whoever came up with the cutoff age is still a douche, though."
"Agreed."
"There's a cutoff age," Pinkie questioned, "We still do it every year."
"We can learn a thing or two from pony land." Buttercup replied.
"Sounds like it."
Blossom hovered out of the room. She nearly split her sides after putting the rolls in. Boomer apparently had to deal with yet another unforeseen circumstance, and he had no qualms letting the world know.
"FUCKING LOLIS ARE ATTACKING MY GUILD! HELP!"
"Hahaha! This is the best day of my life!"
Blossom gathered the food and headed back upstairs.
A short while later, Blossom got a turn at the TV. She was faced with a life or death decision.
"I've got both the 360 and PS3 versions of Lollipop Chainsaw. Which one should I play?"
"360." everyone agreed unanimously, save for Bubbles and Fluttershy, who were too distracted to answer.
"I got the pre-order edition with the goth costume. They really should've made that unlockable."
"I'm just glad Microsoft fixed that red ring of death shit." Brick stated.
"Yeah," Butch agreed, "God knows how many Xbox's we had to go through. Price-gougin' motherfuckers."
"You and Bubbles did the voice acting for the main character, right?" Blossom asked Twilight.
"Yeah," the Alicorn confirmed, "We were recommended by some lady. What was her name...Terra...Terry...? Well, you get the idea. I did all the curse words. Bubbles did the cheery upbeat parts."
"Remember when the professor pretended to scold you guys for swearing?' Boomer chuckled.
"Yeah, with his lyin' ass." Blossom recalled.
"Now he doesn't even care we have a ten gig folder full of hentai," Buttercup cackled, "Old coot had to let us grow up sometime."
"He probably has his own stash," Blossom realized, "Have you seen 80's anime chicks?"
The powerpuff whistled.
"All right, enough of this baby music," Brick voiced excitedly, "Time for some real jams!"
The rowdyruff switched out Five Finger Death Punch's CD for a full-on hardcore assault: If Hope Dies' second album The Ground is Rushing up to Meet Us. He shouted along with the lyrics while Blossom rampaged, chopping off zombie heads with genocidal impunity. She was hooked as soon as the game started.
The rain continued as night began to fall. Twilight started to wonder about the professor.
"It'll be time for bed soon," she acknowledged, "Should we check on him and let him know we're staying the night?"
"I wouldn't risk it," Blossom advised, "Who knows what kind of weird stuff he's up to down there. He's gotten a bit more crass with age if you catch my drift."
"Oh...Ew..."
"Good choice."
"Well, this story needs about 230 more words. What should we do until then."
"Listen to gay pop music and do a wubbadubdub wave? I dunno."
"We could talk about current events."
"Nah. Too depressing."
"The weather?"
"Redundant."
"Right...Hm..."
"Fuck it. Let's just count sheep." Buttercup suggested.
"Guess there's nothing else to do." Twilight conceded.
Everyone in the room began counting verbally.
"One...Two...Three..."
"Hold it," Blossom interrupted, "Looks like the admins and mods thought ahead. Counting doesn't seem to increase the word count."
"Well, shit." Rainbow huffed in defeat.
"What do we do now?" Twilight inquired.
"Ponder the nature of reality," Blossom offered, "I'm just throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks at this point."
"Ain't got the kush for that." Applejack pointed out.
"I tried breaking the fourth wall once," Twilight reminisced, "It did not go well."
"Hey, there's a topic! Did you guys know the first dimension only measures length?"
"Huh. I always wondered what that actually was."
"You didn't know?"
"Nope. The hype's all about 2D and 3D objects these days. No one ever talks about the first dimension, though Patrick jumped the gun by a few dimensions a while back."
"People use the phrase "one-dimensional" to describe a lack of personality, but that's kind of hypocritical since we were all literally one-dimensional before the universe existed."
"You mean the great expansion?"
"Most people I know don't keep up with advancing scientific theories. They either think it was a literal explosion or that everything materialized out of-"
Everyone instantly passed out, abruptly ending the conversation.
