Funniest Shit I Ever Wrote
Another day at getting the ponies of Maretime Bay to change their minds has ended in failure. Depressed by what happened during the Canterlogic fashion show and Hitch telling her off, Sunny slinked away to a long trek all the way back to her lighthouse. During her tedious travels, she saw a pair of foals playing with each other. She envied them. With the exception of Hitch, Sunny never really had many friends to play with.
"I wish you were here, Dad," Sunny said melancholically.
Suddenly, she heard a hissing noise. Distracted by the sudden noise, she looked around to see where it came from.
"Psst," a voice spoke, "Down here."
Sunny looked down on the floor, wondering who was speaking and where.
"Over here," the voice continued.
After much searching, Sunny noticed a very unusual sight. There was a pickle on the floor. Not a slice of a pickle nor a half-eaten one that was a week old, a fresh pickle. Sunny tilted her head in confusion, wondering who would waste such a perfectly good pickle.
"Do you see the pickle on the floor?" the voice asked.
"Uh...yes?" Sunny replied as she tilted her head again.
"Great!" the voice said excitedly, "Now turn the pickle over. You;re not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge."
Sunny did what the voice told her to and cautiously rolled over the pickle. To her shock, the pickle had a face on it.
"Hi, new friend!" the talking pickle introduced herself, "My name's Izzy. I turned myself into a pickle to avoid all the anti-unicorn stuff."
Sunny just stared slack-jawed at the talking pickle that may or may not have been a unicorn once. There were so many questions rattling around in her brain. Can unicorns actually turn themselves into talking inanimate objects? How did the unicorn-turned-pickle make it this far? How is the unicorn's mind not in a vegetative state from being turned into a vegetable?
"Do Earth ponies like staring contests?" Izzy asked before engaging in a staring contest with Sunny.
"There is a unicorn...on the floor...and she turned herself into a pickle..." Sunny said quietly to herself, trying to comprehend the current situation.
Izzy blinked, "Ah! You win. I blinked. It's all this pickle juice in my eyes."
Sunny just continued staring at the talking pickle. The only thing that snapped her out of it was Hitch showing up.
"Are you okay, Sunny?" Hitch asked, "You kinda seem spaced out."
"Who's that?" Izzy asked.
Hitch gave the pickled unicorn a perplexed look, "Did that pickle just talk?"
"Hi there," Izzy introduced herself, "I'm Izzy."
"She said she used to be a unicorn," Sunny explained, "I'm just as weirded out as you are."
"Wait, did you say she was a unicorn?!" Hitch exclaimed.
"Was a unicorn," Sunny replied, "Now she's a-"
"UNICORN ATTACK!" Hitch loudly informed the rest of the townsfolk.
Knowing Izzy's in a vulnerable position, unless the townsfolk don't believe in the five-second rule, Sunny picked her up and immediately ran back to her house.
Floating in a pickle jar, Izzy looked around the room she was in. It had a telescope, an orange couch, and a ridiculous amount of Guardians of Harmony merchandise. On her left was Sunny, who had a book full of jumbled up notes.
"I never seen an Earth pony before," Izzy said, "If I was turned back into a pony, we'd look exactly the same. Except I'd have a horn, of course."
"Hundred and forty-two questions for a unicorn," Sunny said excitedly, "Question number one, where do you live?"
"Bridlewood?" Izzy replied.
"I knew it!" Sunny exclaimed, "Do unicorns really live in trees? Do they eat pizza? If so, what toppings to they like? If not, why not? Can you actually fry pony brains with a single horn-zap? Can you make the jar you're in float?"
Izzy had difficulty keeping up with the questions Sunny rapidly fired at her, "Uh..."
"So we know you can turn yourself into a pickle," Sunny said as she looked at her notes, "Can you turn yourself back into a unicorn?"
"No," Izzy replied, "I could if I had magic but the magic went poof and disappeared."
Suddenly, out of thin air, a big green goo-ey circle appeared. Sunny and Izzy stared at the green goo-ey thing as two humanoid creatures emerged, one shorter than the other.
"We got to find a unicorn, Morty!" the tall thing exclaimed, "It's magic wo*urrrp* help us discover the secrets to time travel, Morty. Then w-we-we can travel back in time and have all the Mulan McNugget dipping sauce we want. Schezuan sauce, Morty! We can dip our McNuggets in as much Schezuan sauce as we want!"
"Aw, jeez, Rick," Morty said, "I thought you got over the schezuan sauce."
"I also got over my dead family, Morty," Rick said to his companion, "But then you saw my backstory and now *burp* I'm not over it. Now I want to travel back in time and s-s-save them, Morty. And the schezuan sauce. I want that Mulan sauce back, Morty. My family and the Mulan sauce. We can have all the schezuan sauce we want. Together! And if they don't want the sauce then I can have the sauce. It's got my name on it, Morty! Rick and Morty schezuan sauce. That's how much the sauce means to us, Morty. They named it after us."
Sunny and Izzy stared the strange beings that entered the room, especially the one called Rick, who somehow managed to be more pickled than Izzy if his ramblings about this 'schezuan sauce' is anything to go by.
"Hey, Earth pony!" Rick said to the confused Sunny, "Know any unicorns around here?"
Sunny pointed at the pickle jar Izzy was in, "I have one in this jar."
Rick gave Izzy an odd look, "You have a unicorn inside a pickle jar?"
"She...kinda turned herself into a pickle," Sunny sheepishly replied.
"I'm Pickle Izzy!" Izzy exclaimed.
Rick put his head in his hand, "Ugh, I've been down that road and it's not fun. Would you like to be a unicorn again?"
"Yes, please," Izzy replied.
"Good because I got some juice that turn a pickle into a...*burp*...non-pickle," Rick said as he staggered towards the pickle jar and picked Izzy up.
With Izzy in their grasp, Rick and Morty walked into the green goo-ey thing and disappeared, with the green goo-ey thing disappearing afterwards.
This has officially been the weirdest day of Izzy's life. And maybe even the funniest shit she had ever seen.
Author's Note
I swear I did not take any drugs (including alcohol) when I was writing this.
