Give 'Em a Squee(s) and Knock 'Em D'awwwed
Knock knock.
"Hello? Anypony there?"
Curious, but patient, a bubbly Izzy Moonbow waited outside the door of a manager's office upstairs in a lavish, rocking club mainly packed with odd, eccentric human males awaiting for a special event that piqued the unicorn's interest. However, her business in this wild environment first had to be dealt with.
"Hello?" she knocked again. "I was called here for a special offer? I'm new and keww in town, so a job would be mighty neat to have here."
Knock knock.
"You may enter." a muffled voice instructed as the door automatically opened.
"Ooh, niiiice!" Izzy trotted inside the darkly lit office.
A radiant peach-colored spotlight shined bright upon a tall fuzzy turquoise chair just as it slowly twisted. As it creeped around with the mysterious being resting on it, Izzy began to piece it all together: the light pink coat, the violet wavy mane, the shiny gold tiara, the striking kiwi green eyes scanning her up and down with an anticipated smile.
"Pipp!" the unicorn's jaw dropped. "First off, nice dramatic reveal."
"Thank you," Pipp nodded confidently, clapping her hooves to fully light the room up. "Cloudpuff was the cherry on top. Who's a good boy?"
"Ruff!" the ball of fluff flapped his wings, nestling into her arms.
"Second, you work at this place?"
"Work?" the pegasus chuckled, caressing her pup. "Yuck! I own it, silly. It's called the Pipp Club for a reason."
"Ohhhh, is that what it was? I thought it was called the Pupp Club and only hosted huge pupper parties. Heh, cursive lettering is sooo loopy to me sometimes."
"Nearly used all my royal allowance on this place, heard it was a popular spot for ponies and you know I jump to anything popular, obvi."
"Here? How come?"
"Check this out," Pipp placed the lazy pet upon a cozy pillow at the corner of her dark wooden desk as she hovered past the curious pony, guiding her to the window overlooking the chill club, humans gathering around a luminous stage just when a hip bouncy beat built up. "You know what's one of the most fabulous ways to attract the crowd?"
"Cat videos?"
"Close. Cuteness, pure grade-A cuteness."
"Silly hoomans, are we really cuter than a li'l fur baby?"
"Cuter than we give ourselves credit, actually." Soaring toward a cabinet by the view, the mare scrambled through its contents, grabbing a tiny dusty film reel and projector. "I found these old recordings of this place, apparently this was a trendy spot for some ponies."
Tugging blank curtains over the large pane of glass, Pipp flipped the thing on, presenting a low quality clip of what appeared to be a more primitive set up of what is now the glamorous stage surrounded by the crowd.
Izzy tilted her head curiously, spotting a figure popping into view on the footage. "What's up with her eyes-"
"Shhhh, watch."
On the screen, a ditzy wide-eyed pegasus mare stood on the tips of her hind hooves center stage and waved her curled arms around cutely as she began to sing.
"Nyan-nyan, nyan nyan
Niihao nyan
Goujasu Derishasu
Dekaruchaa!"
"Awww," Izzy giggled. "She sure does have some moves."
"Indeed," Pipp cleared her throat, cutting off the clip and pulling back the curtains. "Not as WOW-worthy as yours truly, but she had the moves."
"Sooo, why'd you want me to come down here of all ponies?"
"I've heard quite a lot of folks gush about how, what's the word, 'pwecious' you are once you came into town."
"Hee, really?" the unicorn hid a cheeky smile, brushing her mane to the side. "Me?"
"Totes, and I just had to get you on board. You have so much potential, Izzy."
"You...you really think so?"
"Hon, I know so. You'd be a bona fide star, isn't that right, Puffy?"
"Ruff!" the ball of fluff yipped.
"Selfie!"
The two winged goofs huddled up and made silly faces as Pipp snapped an army of stylish photos with her wings at an inconceivable speed, to Izzy's amusement.
"Anyways, that's why I summoned you here, girl. Interested?"
Izzy peeked out the window once again, watching a peppy mare on-stage blow flirty kisses and frolicking around, gaining applause every which way. Frowned up, the unicorn pulled out a fuzzy tennis ball. "You think I should do it, Tenny?" she whispered to the object, holding it to her ear.
"Wait, you named the tennis ball?" Pipp asked in disbelief.
"Yeppers, he felt so snug on my horn before, I couldn't part with him."
"How'd you know it was a...was a he?"
"He's a hairy ball, sooo..."
"Oh."
"Hmm...Tenny says he's not 100% sure either."
"Well, I assure you, you'd definitely make Cutie of the Month if you start now. There have been some pretty tough contenders in the past, this Ponko Pier, Starlord, and whatever. This Woona character especially knocked 'em d'awwed, she is gorgeous!"
"What do I have to do?"
"Easy, just be yourself!"
"Squee!"
"See, you're doing fab already. Some can't resist a good squee, it's insane, LOL."
"Yay! Maybe this won't be as hard as we thought."
"That's the spirit! Let's get you going, you'll go on next after this act." Pipp swiped an earpiece off the desk and clipped it to Izzy's. "If you have any trouble, I'll be there to walk you through it."
"Aww, thankies!"
"Hey, save it for them."
"Hee, okie dokie!"
"Are you good down there?"
"More good than safe-to-eat cookie dough!"
"OMG, that's a thing?"
"I know, right?!"
Backstage, Izzy warmed herself up whilst Pipp observed everything from her office window, instructing the unicorn through an earpiece. The club's act of adorableness was just about wrapping up, the audience revved up.
"Have anything in mind for an opener?" the pegasus asked.
"Ooh, I can open a can of beans with my horn," Izzy nodded. "That good?"
"Uh, no, I saw how that went before. Let me think..."
Moments went by until the performing mare retired backstage. Izzy engaged in a quick stretch session, soon coming to a halt when a shining bright red light appeared at her hooves. "Ooh," she exclaimed. "Hello, little red dot."
"If you can touch it, I'll take you out for sundaes. My treeeeeeeat!"
"Come here, you!"
As clumsy as a fat kitty baby, Izzy lunged at the elusive dot, fumbling and grumbling over the laser's fidgety speed. "I'm gonna getcha!"
"And heeeeeeere she is," Pipp's voice bellowed through the club speakers. "The newest aww-ddition to the Pipp Club family, please give it up for Izzayyyyyy Moonbooooooow!"
The red dot zipped under the flailing mare, luring her through the towering velvet curtains toward center stage before the cheers of a full house as all spotlights aimed her way.
The music cued.
Izzy paused her pursuit of the red menace. "Mmm, nice beat." she bopped her head to the jam, tapping and swinging her dainty hooves all about to the squeeing cheers of the audience. "Good afternoon, everyhooman! So nice to be here!"
Spinning around in her zone, the pumped unicorn tripped and flopped to the floor with a goofy squeak. Resting on her back, she dangled her head at the edge of the stage, gazing at an intrigued patron across from her.
"Hewwo!" she giggled. "What can I do for ya, sir?"
"I can see it in his eyes," Pipp pondered. "I sense a boop coming soon-"
"Can I boop you?" the man asked, bashful.
"Ha, called it!"
"Be my guest." Izzy winked.
The man reached over and gave a light boop upon her scrunched nose, receiving an adorkable "Pfft!" from the mare's tongue. Giddy, he handed a nice thin stack of $5 bills, slipping it between her pouty lips.
"Wowzers," she muffled happily, tucking the tip deep within her hair. "Thank you so much!"
Like a silly pupper, Izzy rolled over to the other corner of the stage on her stomach, eyeing another potential victim to charm. There, she unveiled and juggled Tenny around in her hoof slyly.
"What are you gonna do with that?" her victim chuckled.
Izzy gave the shaken man a playful wink. "I think you know." she hummed. The mare's horn lit up as the tennis ball levitated atop the tip and skewered on and gave a cute wiggle of her tongue, earning an agonizing squee from her prey who slipped her a crisp fifty.
"Omigosh, she is so friggin' cute!" one guy beside the blushing man wailed.
"Why, thank you," the unicorn cooed, shuffling up to the anticipating customer. "And what can I do for you today?"
"S-Surprise me."
"Hmm..." Izzy hummed, a warm smirk forming on her face. Standing on her hind legs, she hopped into the human's lap and locked eyes with the man.
Shuffling across him, the mare pressed her back against his pounding chest, sliding down to rest belly up in his lap. "You know you want to." she chimed, bringing attention to her cozy floof.
"M-May I?" the man uttered.
"You may, silly billy!"
Izzy wrapped her soft hooves around the bewildered male's arm, lowering it upon her majestic lilac coated fur.
"She's so soft..." he gasped breathlessly, brushing his fingers through the sea of fluff and jiggling a twenty behind her twitchy ear.
Sitting up, Izzy gave her tail a little wag as she wiggled off the awestruck patron. Happily trotting across the room, another man is targeted and pounced. "And for you, handsome?"
"Can I have a little nom?" he gulped sheepishly, sliding his festive smoothie at the edge of the table.
"Tell him it's a dollar a nom." Pipp instructed.
"Um, that'll be a dollar for each nom, is that okies?"
"I-I have five bucks."
"Hee, okie dokie!"
Using her horn, Izzy plucked an orange slice from the cup of a thick smoothie, a few stray coos in the crowd squeaked out upon the cutie patootie lightly nibbling the tangy slice.
"Nom," she sighed warmly with another playful wink as the man placed a dollar on the wobbly round table. "Mmm, that's a yummy smoothie. Pipp, is there anywhere I can get the recipe?"
"Focus, Izzy!" Pipp chimed in.
"Oop, right. Nom...and nommm. Nom..."
She reaches the last bit of orange on the peel, resting her chin on her prey's chest and gazing upward to give one final-
"Nom!"
The nom-loving goof is left a blubbering mess, slapping a dollar down after every nibble.
"This is fun!" Izzy squeed, collecting the rewards before tiptoeing to a well-dressed man further into the crowd. "Anything tickle your fancy?"
"It would really make my day if I could squish your cheeks." he blushed with a dopey smirk.
"Hee, it's ten for one cheek, twenty for both." she cooed with a mischievous scrunchy grin.
"Now you're getting it!" Pipp chuckled proudly.
The mare's magenta eyes sparkled, prompting the patron to place a twenty on the table. The sensation of her nuzzling, squishy cheeks sent chills up his spine as he gushed over the magnitude of her enchanting smile. "Thankies, cutie!" she swiped her payment.
The club now riled up, Izzy backflipped back onto the stage for a big cuddly finish.
"You got a good closer?" Pipp asked.
"Hmm...I got it!"
Retrieving a random can of beans from her mane, she balanced the item atop her sharp horn.
"OMG, she's doing the bean thing."
"I'm doin' the bean thing!"
The unicorn pierced the lid all about until it flopped onto the floor and spilled its sauced contents with a messy splat.
"TA-DAAAAAAAAA!"
The club erupted into a stan-ing ovation, tossing fresh red roses before the flattered mare who gave the grateful group a wacky little bow.
"Huh, that actually worked. Neat."
Trotting off backstage, Izzy hopped in to the proud hooves of Pipp.
"I told you you'd be a hit!" the pegasus squeed.
"It pays to be cute, I suppose!" Izzy giggled.
"Does that mean you wanna make it full-time her?"
"Getting paid just by being me," Izzy giggled, shaking the pegasus' hoof. "It's like a dream come true."
"Remember, 40% of that dream is mine, LOL!" Pipp chimed, cueing a CHA-CHING!!! ringtone.
"Fun!"
"...you probs should go clean those beans up."
"Oop, sorry!"
Author's Note
"And what can I do for you, hon...?"
