You, the human, Anon awoke in the middle of a forest dressed in a full set of black power armor. A big motherfucking minigun was held in your hands. You were going to kill all the gay faggoty ass pussy ass ponies. You were prepared for this day. You were going to bring pain and misery to cute horses and show the superiority of humanity over them. You spent years playing Call of Duty to train yourself for this day. You hate humanity, you hate everyone. Every time you look at another human being you just wanted to rape and kill them. And then rape them again after you killed them. You were smarter than everyone else, everyone else was a fucking retard apart from you.
You walked through the Everfree Forest wildly swinging your arms around and spraying your minigun’s bullets at everything. Your bullets hit trees and shit, and whatever. Somehow your minigun never runs out of ammo. You were so cool and badass you didn't need to reload.
Eventually, you emerged out of the Everfree Forest and saw the one and only Fluttershy. Your immediate thoughts were to rape and kill, and then rape her again after you killed her. So, with that, you turned your minigun at her and sprayed her with your bullets. Unfortunately, your bullets seemed to cause her body to ripple like water as if she was made of liquid. Your bullets did indeed go into her and out the other side. But she seemed impervious to your bullets.
Fluttershy approached you with a big smile on her face. You screamed in rage at this turn of events.
“Ahhhhhhhhh! Fucking faggoty ass horse! Why won’t you die?!” you screamed shooting at her like a true badass.
You gasped in horror when you heard a click from your gun. You finally ran out of ammo. You dropped to your knees and began to cry. Your gun. Your precious gun ran out of ammo.
“Hello there, Mr. Edgelord,” said Fluttershy in a soft, motherly voice. “You seem upset?”
“Get away from me! Faggoty horse!” you shouted, jumping to your feet. “If I can’t kill you I'll throw my poop at you! That will show you the superiority of humanity over cartoon horses.”
“Taking a shit and then throwing it at me is not really going to prove anything. All it will prove is that you are a sad individual with absolutely no social skills whatsoever. Even a neckbeard is higher than you in the social hierarchy. At least they can be a gentleman. Unlike you who is an edgelord who thinks he's so cool and everything when he's actually just a retard with a gun.”
“Yeah well, I'm going to rape and kill you nonetheless!”
And then, a true badass, Commander Shepard rushed toward you and bitch slapped you across the face. He slapped you so hard that you were sent falling over onto the ground.
“Ow!” you shouted in pain. “Shepard?!” What the fuck are you doing here?”
Fluttershy jumped into Shepard’s arms and wrapped her two front hooves around him in a tender embrace. Shepard lay his hands upon her plump asscheeks and dug deeply into the plush softness of her ass.
“See, Mr. Edgelord?” said Fluttershy, looking back at you with a smug grin. “This human is cool and just a little edgy. But unlike you, he didn't spend years just playing Call of Duty to prove how badass he is. He has a harem of mares that love him. You will be sad and alone in Equestria. Nopony will ever love you. A socially awkward nerd even has a better chance than you have here. You are nothing, but an idiot with a gun.”
“That’s not true! I will get all the mares! I will get more mares than you, Commander Shepard!” you protested.
“Just try it. See how the ponies will react to a loser like you,” said Shepard, looking down at you in disappointment.
“I will! I will get all the mares!” you shouted.
Fluttershy shook her head dismissively. “I’m sorry. You failed the human in Equestria test. You will die sad and alone. While Commander Shepard will live forever, pounding big fat sexy booty forever and ever.”
“That’s not true! That’s impossible!” you shouted.
“Search your social skills, you know it to be true!” she bellowed.
“Nooooooooooooooo!” You shouted.
To your horror, you saw a mirror image of yourself coming out of the Everfree Forest from behind you. He was dressed in a fine black tuxedo like a true gentleman.
“See this?” Fluttershy said, jumping out of Commander Shepard's arms, to point her front right hoof at the new Anon.”This could have been you! You could have been a generic human in Equestria. You could have lived the dream like so many humans if you have been just a little nice and not a retarded edgelord. But no, you chose this path.”
You looked on in jealousy as this alternate version of yourself was already getting a mare. You saw him and the cute unicorn Twilight sharing a tender hug. Twilight affectionately nuzzled his neck, as he gave her tender ear scratches.
“Don't you see that? Already this human is managing to woo the mares. You are literally playing on easy mode in this Equestria, and you still failed!” she shouted.
“No!” you shouted jumping to your feet. But with a shove from a true badass human known as Commander Shepherd, you were knocked back down again.
“You don’t get pony pussy Anon!” shouted Commander Shepherd. “You could have been a gentleman. All you had to do was work on your paragon points to get the mares, and then even a beta male bitch like you could get a mare. You went full renegade, man. Never go full renegade.”
You growled angrily as Commander Shepherd was tackled to the ground by at least a dozen mares. They smothered him in kisses and cuddles. “As for me, I’m drowning in pony booty. Unlike you!”
“You failed the test Anon. It is time for you to go,” said Fluttershy, shaking her head at you in disappointment.
There came a flash and you were back in your bedroom in front of your computer game console. You were back home on Earth. You growled angrily and played another game of Call of Duty to calm yourself down.
“I will return! Just you wait! I will have my revenge!” you shouted.
“Anon honey, get out of your basement. Dinner is ready!” came your mother’s shouting voice.
“Okay, mother!” you shouted.
End
