Starlight Glimmer frowned as she looked over the old lesson plans.
She sat in the Head Mare’s office at the School of Friendship. Her office. It was the culmination of a long personal journey. It didn’t seem like so long ago that she was leading a small commune, a village of ponies whom she had convinced, no, brainwashed, to give up their uniqueness in the pursuit of living in harmony.
She had told them that individuality was a weakness, that celebrating their special talents would lead only to division and unhappiness. And yet here she was, in charge of a school whose mission was to teach students as varied as the world itself to embrace those differences and grow together as friends.
It would be a daunting task for anypony, but especially so for one with her background. Or so she thought.
I wish Twilight were here.
Starlight found herself longing for the presence of her mentor and friend as she pondered how to prepare the school curriculum. Like Starlight, Twilight had been through a journey to learn the value of friendship, but Twilight possessed a gift for teaching it. Starlight knew first hoof; it had been Twilight that had reached her when she herself thought that she had been too far gone. She wasn’t sure she could live up to the standard Twilight had set.
Starlight caught herself lost in her thoughts, and started to return her focus to the lesson plans, but was startled by the rap of a hoof on her door.
“Who is it?” she called, looking up toward the door.
A familiar voice came from the opposite side. “A ghost from your past,” it replied.
A sudden sense of anxiety came over Starlight as she slid from her chair and settled onto her hooves. She trotted toward the door, horn glowing as she reached out with her magic to pull it open.
An Earth Pony stallion, with a white coat, mane, and tail, stood before her. At an angle, Starlight could just see a glimpse of his cutie mark, three blue snowflakes.
“Oh, Double Diamond!” she greeted him nervously.
“Uh, hi Starlight,” Double Diamond responded, sounding a little nervous himself.
Double Diamond was one of the first ponies Starlight had convinced to join her village. He possessed a great talent for skiing, slalom in particular. He would have almost certainly taken gold at the Equestria Games, if he hadn’t met Starlight. Starlight had convinced him to leave it behind, and he allowed her to take from him his cutie mark, and his special talent.
Starlight felt regret for everypony that she had stripped of their individuality, but it was worse with Double Diamond. There’s only a certain stretch of a pony’s life where they can excel at athletics, before the skills begin to deteriorate with age. In the prime of his career, Starlight had ripped his destiny from him, and she would never be able to give that back.
“Why don’t you come inside?” she asked, motioning toward a chair that sat in front of her desk. Double Diamond seemed hesitant, but he nodded and entered the office. Starlight circled back around the desk and took a seat in her own chair as Double Diamond shuffled over. “So… how have you been?” she asked.
Double Diamond sighed. “Not very well, Starlight,” he started. He remained standing. “Look, I came because I felt like I needed to get something off my chest with you.”
“Okay…” Starlight started in reply. Her gut began to tighten with anxiety again. “I’m… I’ll be happy to listen to what you have to say.”
“Will you?” Double Diamond asked rhetorically before continuing. “I’ve started seeing this therapist in Canterlot.”
“Oh,” said Starlight. She hesitated for a moment. “Is there a problem?”
“Yeah,” Double Diamond answered. “It started a few months ago. I just started feeling really wiped out, you know? Going to bed early, sleeping late, not having energy during the day.”
“Did you see a doctor?” Starlight asked.
“Not at first. But then the anxiety started. Panic attacks during the day, and nightmares when I was asleep. That’s when I decided something was wrong.” Double Diamond explained. “The doctor said it was depression. He referred me to the guy I’m seeing in Canterlot.”
Starlight looked at the floor for a moment, starting to feel a pang of guilt. She knew from her time as student counselor that what Double Diamond was describing didn’t just happen for no reason. “I’m so sorry to hear that,” she expressed quietly as she looked back up at him.
“Are you?” inquired Double Diamond. “Here you are, the Head Mare of Princess Twilight’s school. The School of Friendship. But when was the last time you checked in on your old friends in the village?”
The question hit Starlight hard. She hadn’t been to the village since she had returned for the Sunset Festival a few years before then, just after the defeat of Queen Chrysalis. She was the head of the School of Friendship, and she was suddenly embarrassed that she hadn’t shown the compassion that the ponies she had harmed the most needed. She looked back to the floor.
“You want to know what I dreamed about?” Double Diamond continued. “Being locked in the cottage. Alone. Nothing to keep me company but the droning of your propaganda over the speakers. Constantly being told that I wasn’t special, that I should be ashamed of the things that made me who I was.” His voice began to rise. “One thing the therapist said is that it’s okay for me to be angry. I had something, Starlight! A special talent! And you made me hide it from the world!”
Starlight looked back up toward Double Diamond, reaching up to her face with a hoof to wipe away tears. “But… you invited me to the Sunset Festival! You came to my graduation! I thought we’d put that in the past!” she exclaimed.
Double Diamond sighed. “I thought we did too. But I guess some wounds go too deep,” he said.
Starlight sat silently for a moment before speaking. “Did your therapist tell you to come here?”
“No, I came on my own. I thought maybe I would feel better if I told you how I felt,” Double Diamond explained.
“Do you?” Starlight asked.
“Not really,” Double Diamond replied. He started to turn toward the door.
“Wait,” Starlight called. Double Diamond stopped and turned his head back toward her. “I know I’ve said it before. I meant it, but I see now that I haven’t done enough to show you that. I’m so, so sorry. I did take something from you and I can’t give it back. I want you to get well. I’ll do whatever it takes.” She wiped away another tear.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Starlight,” Double Diamond told her. “Maybe with time I’ll forgive you, or maybe I won’t. I just don’t know.” He turned and began to trudge back toward the door, then turned his head once more. “Take care,” he voiced just above a whisper, then walked out.
Starlight sat silently for what seemed like an eternity. She had tried so hard to put her past behind her. She had embraced the power of friendship. She’d grown. She’d changed. But she could see now that even that didn’t erase the consequences of what she had done.
She put her face into her forelegs on the desk and wept.
