Anonymous in Nu-Questria

As you get close to Bridlewood, Zipp hands her saddlebag over to Hitch and then takes off to scout ahead for any ponies that might be milling about. She flies back a few minutes later and gives the all-clear. They had explained that Izzy’s house is set at the edge of town, so it will be easy to slip you in undetected. Still, just to be safe they hide you in the blanket again.

You hear Izzy whisper, “Alright, here we are~!” from behind your cart. A few moments later, your cart stops moving. You raise the blanket to peek an eye out, but Izzy levitates it off of you in one big swish. She beams a large smile and gestures a hoof to her right.

“Ta-dah!” She exclaims.

You lift yourself up off the cart and slowly stand up. You glimpse the abode of the cheerful unicorn, and immediately you feel a pang of regret. Of course she lives in a fucking tree. Fuck.

The other ponies are unhitching their carts and removing their bags in a hurry as you stare at the dwelling. Yet the more you look at it, the more differences you notice. The tree branches in three directions directly above the house. Most of it is situated inside the bottom trunk and root structure. The bark on the outside appears to have been painted with bright pinks and blues. All the windows are rounded, curved shapes which follow no patterns or rules in their design.

“C’mon, quick!” Sunny says. She’s standing at the front door, holding it open with a hoof and gesturing inside with her head. Before you can move, you feel two hooves pushing at your back and you quickly pick up your feet to keep balance.

You stumble quickly up the stairs and put a hand on the door frame. As usual for pony dwellings, the entrances are too small for you without crouching. You carefully bend and move your way inside the home.

You stand up inside a large atrium within the massive tree. As you glance around, you feel like you’ve stepped into the pony version of Pee Wee’s fucking Playhouse. Bizarre, fantastical art sculptures made from repurposed junk are everywhere. There are dozens upon dozens of paintings adorning the walls. Each one has a frame decorated with things like macaroni, glitter or bow ties.

The floor is made with smooth stone tiles in spiraling patterns. It feels cool to your feet as you walk further into the atrium to make room for the others.

“Welcome, Anon! This is my home!” Izzy says cheerfully as she trots in the door. She is followed by the other ponies. They walk in one at a time, tired but glad to be off the road.

You notice that there’s a spiral walkway up to a raised loft. A banister made from twisting branches runs along the edge. Like you suspected, the support structure of interior is made of living tree. You recognize the “paint” on the walls is just pastel chalk.

“Well, what do you think?” Izzy says excitedly. She is staring up at you with a huge smile, waiting for your approval.

“Uh,” you say, “It’s... very creative.”

“Thanks! I worked really hard on it.” She says, “Go ahead and sit down!”

You look around and don’t see any chairs. You decide to sit down on the crochet rug near the side of the room.

As you sit down, Izzy disappears into a different room. You hear the sounds of dishes clattering and metal pots banging around. The other ponies slowly sit down beside you, forming a circle on the floor. Sunny notices your apprehension and gives you a reassuring smile.

Suddenly Izzy comes back into the room pushing a short, wheeled table that resembles a flower. A tea kettle sits in the center along with a tray of snack foods. Each of the six petals has a tea cup and saucer arranged on them.

Izzy giggles as she pushes the table to the center of the circle you and the ponies had formed. “We have six now! Oh, this is amazing!” She says with manic glee. Pipp politely claps her hooves and Sunny wiggles her ears as she smiles at Izzy.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Hitch says slyly and grabs a bite-size cucumber sandwich. “You’re the best, Izzy.” Zipp says as her wings twitch excitedly.

“Oh, oh, watch this!” Izzy says as she grabs the kettle with two hooves and hoists it up over her head. She leans her horn towards the earthenware kettle and lets her magic spring forth. An aura of sparkles appears around the kettle, and for a moment nothing happens. Then it begins to tremble as steam whistles out of it.

“Instant hot water!” Izzy says proudly. The others gasp with delight. “Wow, Izzy! Where’d you learn that?” Sunny says with astonishment. Izzy levitates the kettle over to Hitch’s cup and pours it over the teabag inside.

“Oh, one of the ponies at the Crystal Tea Room showed me” Izzy explains, “Alphabittle hates it.” She says with a mirthful giggle.

One by one, Izzy fills the teacups. The fragrance of tea mixed with floral herbs fills the air. The ponies all chat, eat sandwiches and sip their tea.

To show a modest amount of tact to your host, you sip a bit of tea and eat a tiny sandwich. You don’t really feel like eating or talking. You stare at the steaming liquid in your cup and try to ignore the conversation. Yet as you do, you feel memories start to creep into your mind. The outdoor cafe in Ponyville. Sitting at those small tables sipping tea and eating sandwiches just like this.

You suddenly feel a nudge at your side. “Hey, it’ll be okay, dude.” Zipp has poked you with her wingtip. She smiles at you. You respond with slightly frustrated sigh.

You want to excuse yourself. You think of something.

“Hey, uh... Izzy.” You say, “Can I use your bathroom?”

Izzy’s eyes go wide and she nearly spits out her tea. She puts a hoof over her mouth. The other ponies look around awkwardly. Pipp’s teacup clatters in her saucer.

Izzy swallows her mouthful of tea and gently puts her cup down. “Sorry, heheh. I forgot you don’t know, uh... how Bridlewood works.” She says with a nervous giggle. “We uh, don’t exactly have great indoor plumbing here. So...”

She leans forward and squints her eyes. “Is it number one or two?” She whispers.

Everypony can clearly hear her, so you’re not sure why she’s whispering. You feel a wave of embarrassment wash over you. You feign a look of disgust and say “I just wanted to clean myself up a bit.”

To be fair, you do look and smell like absolute shit. Your clothes are all torn and stained. Your face is covered in coarse, uneven stubble. It’s hard to have a pleasant tea party in this condition.

“You’re telling me you have smartphones and electricity but not running water?” You ask incredulously.

“Well, you see-” Izzy says.

“Uh, rude.” Pipp interrupts. “Yes, pegasi have smartphones. We don’t expect everyone else to have them, though. It’s everypony’s own choice to live how they want.”

Zipp says, “That’s not what-”

Hitch says, “Yeah, and personally, I like how unicorns live. Sure they don’t have the amenities like roads, public transportation, refrigerators, police stations or fire brigades. But hey! They don’t need all of that. Plus they have magic now, too!” Hitch says confidently, punctuating it with a tap of his hoof.

“Right...” You say, thinking for a moment. “It’s just weird that technology would regress for some of the pony tribes while the other ones progressed.”

You assume the unicorns relied on magic almost entirely when they built their isolated little forest village. Who needs a toilet when you can just zap your shit away? But why shun the technology that already existed? Was it just out of pride?

Sunny picks up on your train of thought and leans forward with a curious look. “Anon. Do you remember if unicorns used to have a way to travel long distances?”

You sigh. Of course she would jump at the chance. You decide to throw her a bone.

“Well yeah, unicorns could teleport.” You say.

Sunny gasps. “So it is true! They really could do that! How did it work?” She says excitedly.

“Well, honestly I have no idea. I can’t do magic, remember? Plus I never liked getting teleported any way. I usually took a train or hot air balloon.” You explain.

Sunny’s eyes are glazed over with wonder as the visualizes it in her head. “Wait, a hot air balloon?” Zipp says.

She leans towards you. “We have those. Or rather, we had them. In Zephyr Heights, the pegasus city.” She says.

You shrug. “Well, what happened?” You ask.

“Everypony stopped using them. Once they had no reason to visit the other towns, they all just... forgot.” Zipp explains.

Hm. The pieces are starting to fall into place.

“So that’s why you were all hoofing it through the forest. I’m guessing none of the balloons still work.” You say.

Zipp nods. “We tried, but we just don’t have the parts to fix any of them. Or the fuel to fly them if we did get one working.” She explains quickly. “Everypony we’ve asked so far refuses to help us.”

She turns to the other ponies. They all frown slightly and nod their heads, except for Sunny. She smirks and flips out her journal.

“Just one more question, Anon.” She says, opening her journal. “What do you remember about how the balloons worked?”

“Well,” you say, “Some used enchanted urns to heat the air with magic. Others used tanks of pressurized fuel to create a controlled flame. Something like propane.”

Sunny is quickly writing this down in her journal, holding a pencil in her teeth. “Mhm. How do you spell that?”

You spell out the word “propane” for her. You’re not even sure that’s what they actually used, but at least it will keep them busy looking for a while.

“Fuel... fuel...” Hitch says, rubbing his chin. “What about the fuel they use for the machines at Canterlogic? Diesel! Right?”

You shake your head. “No, that won’t work. It has to come out of the nozzle as a gas. If you used diesel you’d probably just set everything on fire.”

“Oh.” Hitch says and turns his ears back. He and the rest of the ponies think.

You glance at Izzy and clear your throat. She looks at you and smiles.

“So... do you have a shower at least?” You ask her.

“Oh right!” She says, suddenly remembering your request, “Right through there, and its the second curtain on the right.” She points a hoof.

“Alright, thanks.” you say.

You get up and walk away, ducking down to pass through the doorway she pointed through. You hear the murmurs of conversation as the ponies continue to discuss.

You make your way down a small hallway. You pass a kitchen on your left that has an almost medieval look to it. Barrels lined up on shelves. A cast iron stove. Earthenware jars. Wash basins and wooden cabinets. The first curtain on the right blocks a stairway leading down. You find the bathroom behind the second curtain.

You step inside and close the curtain. Sure enough, you don’t see a toilet, or even a latrine. The stone tile floor has a drain in it, but that’s about it.

There’s a rectangular bathtub carved into the living stone of one of the walls. It is cluttered with a variety of objects around the rim. Glass vials, clay bottles, rubber ducks, soaps, a half-inflated plastic ring. On the other side of the room, there’s a small wooden basin on a shelf sitting in front of a mirror. You don’t see any water taps nearby.

You take another step inside, and your shoulder brushes against something. You see a metal rod with a hoof-sized handle at the end dangling from the ceiling. It appears to be connected to a copper-colored pipe that runs along the ceiling to a spot directly in the center of the room. There’s a shower head at the end that looks like it was made from a repurposed watering can.

You gently tug on the handle and a thin stream of water squirts from the spout and splashes on the floor. Quite a primitive design. It seems like there’s probably a tank of water on the upper story. Given the general hippy vibe of everything it’s probably collected rainwater.

Well, at least it’s something.