Fallout Equestria: A Wastelander Tale

Fallout Equestria: A Wastelander Tale, Chapter Fifty Eight

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Returning to the penthouse, I found Molo still recovering as she laid passed out on the couch with a wet rag on her head. Mint was at the bar, drinking what I hoped was water.

Trotting over to my ghoul friend, I tried to be coy and said, "how's it looking doc, are they going to make it?"

She raised what little of an eyebrow she had left. "Well, they'll live, but I advised them not to do anything for most of the day."

"That bed hu?" I asked, feeling concerned.

"Hard to tell." Mint said with a sigh. "Molo nearly drank herself to death, but that might be normal for her. The problem is her emotional state, a lot of guilt in that mare, and having her own daughter throw it in her face likely brought it all up to the surface."

"She told me some of it, and it had been eating her up inside." I remembered some of the things Molo had talked about, how she had not been a good mother to her colt, and how she worried about turning into a raider again.

Mint nodded. "I can only imagine. That said, it's all up to Molo now, I can help give her counseling, but It's not going to help if she rejects that help. I'd suggest she should not go on another mission and focus on reconnecting with her daughters. But that's up to her."

"And Plasma?" I then asked.

Mint took a sip of her water, and then huffed out, "I want to say she will be fine, but it takes a long time to recover from such trauma. Worse, her trauma is manifesting in different ways, each needing treatment on their own."

I took a glass myself, and Mint poured me some water. "Like cutting?"

She nodded. "So you found out. Well I've been trying to get her to stop, but it's more of a symptom of the bigger problem. Same for her overworking herself, It's not a big problem now, but it will become a big problem if left alone."

"And the curse?" I pushed.

Mint shrugged. "Not really my expertise, but she's clearly having a harder time controlling herself. Helga has something to help her, but I don't know. It's hard to tell if the curse is progressing faster or slower without anything to compare it to. I get why you're dealing with it better, not to diminish your own pain, but-"

"She's had it worse than me." I finished her sentence.

"After month with those monsters I'm just glad she's not suicidal or crazy." Mint said, sipping on her water before looking at me with her milky white eyes. "As for you… how are you feeling?"

"Confused… guilty… ashamed… lots of anger… and thankfully for med-x." I answered.

She then asked, "are you ready to talk about it?"

I nodded, "ya… I am."

She got out of her seat, and motioned for me to follow as she took the cup and pitcher of water with her. "Then come, let's talk someplace more private."

Taking a deep breath, I followed.

We trotted out of the penthouse and to one of the unused rooms on the same floor. Entering, it had clearly been converted for storage, with both game tables and gun crates haphazardly left lying about and covered in sheets. Mint continued further in, trotting to one of the bedrooms, where I saw a really comfortable couch next to a window that overlooked Ursa's Rest.

Looming out the window, the ponies below looked like ants, normal ants I mean, not the super big ones. "Why's this place not being used for housing?"

"Grizzly said that this penthouse is not fit for ponies to live in… well it's still better than wasteland living, but not for VIP's. Something to do with bad plumbing, and some other structure problems. But she did agree to let me use it for private counseling."

Sitting on the couch, I found it to be as comfy as it looked. "Right, so where do we start?"

She pulled out a pen and a small notebook. "Well since this is about your… unwanted pregnancy, and possible abortion, lets start there. I'm here to just listen, not to direct, so just tell me what's on your mind."

I took a deep breath, trying to rack my brain about all of it, to find where to start.

"I… I… I don't know who to blame more… for what happened to me, I mean. The raiders are horrible, cruel, and deserved everything they got and more. But Molo warned me, told me not to play the hero. Yet I had too, and it didn't help anypony." I gritted my teeth. "But when I think about it, seeing Plasma like that, having not done anything for her before, I don't think I couldn't not do something. Maybe if I had stood up to Bandsaw before, negotiated with her, anything. But I was too scared, and I hated that. Being so powerless. But what did I get, exactly what Bandsaw said would happen, battered and raped."

I took a moment to drink some of the water, Mint still just listening.

So I continued. "But by then, I'd already worked over a month as a prostitute, so even as painful as it was, it wasn't as bad as what Grinder and Onyx did to me. It's not like I could be dirtied even more… or so I thought. I hated it, every part of Spine Breaker using me as a sex toy to publicly humiliated, but what I hated the most was how my body enjoyed it. It hurt, but it felt good, and that was the worst. It was the same with Grinder, the pain, and the pleasure. It made me sick. Even when those other raiders had their way with me, I want to say it was the curse, but somewhere deep down I fear it's all me. That I'm actually that fucked in the head, and want to be forced upon like that. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about it."

I then placed my hooves onto my stomach. "And now what they did to me has followed me. Grows within me. It shouldn't have been like this, none of it. I should have been swept up in some grand adventure, teaming up with a suave stallion where we fight off bad ponies. My first time having sex was going to be romantic and magical. Once the adventure was over, we would settle down, get married, and have a family."

I laughed bitterly as I finished off my glass of water. "But none of that happened. I got drunk with the first wastelander I met, who fucked me wile I was too drunk to understand any of it. The suave stallion turned out to be evil… I fucked him too. The fun and grand adventure turned out to be full of rape and death. Oh, and if I don't take some poison that might kill me, I'll become a single mother of twins who are a product of rape. And one of the ponies who I can blame for all of it, is myself. None of this would have happened if I wasn't an idiot! If I only listened to my Ma and Pa."

"Now I have to choose, take the poison and possibly survive, then I can pretend like none of this ever happened, or keep the foals, and live with it all." It was unfair, just too unfair. "I hate it all, but I realized something, and I hate it even more now that I can see it."

Mint finally spoke up, "and that is?"

"If I'm to blame for my own actions, then I'm responsible for cleaning up my own mess." It was a simple concept, but one I only just started to understand. "The raiders, their never going to take responsibility for anything, so why even bother giving a fuck about blaming them for anything. Not like they care, or even understand the pain they cause. Tripwire, ya I hate him, but he clearly has no feelings about me other than as an annoyance. The only ponies who even give a damn are the ones who didn't do anything to me, but they're the ones hurting the most. All my self loathing, and hatred for those who wronged me. All of it has done nothing but hurt those I care about while ponies that should be dead live on not caring."

Again I placed a hoof on my stomach. "Ya, it's unfair. But so has been keeping my friends in the dark about it. Then forcing them to take the lead in figuring out what I should do about it. All I've been doing is avoiding my responsibility to myself, and hurting them as a result."

"So…" Mint said, tapping her chin with the pen. "Have you decided what to do then?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, no. But I think I now understand I had been looking at this pregnancy problem all wrong."

"How so?" Mint asked.

"Well first off, I thought of them as just more raiders, not as innocents." I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable about this subject, but I pushed on anyway. "They may be part Spine Breaker, but they are also part me. And where Molo became a raider and left, Cauterize was born into a raider family and found a way to leave. Spine Breaker too, he was abused and abandoned, twisted into the monster he became. I saw it in the raiders, their cruelty and viciousness, something in them was dead, like they had no hope for… I guess happiness, so they found it in hurting others and in chems. Raiders aren't born, they are twisted into shape. The hope in them snuffed out and left with a void that can never be filled. If that's so… if that's true. Then the only way these foals inside me would become raiders is if I make them into raiders. Meaning all my hatred for them is wrong, unfair, and cruel. Just like a raider."

"But… if I don't see them that way, then how can I kill them before they are even born?" I asked myself.

Mint put her notepad down, and said. "Such things are never easy, and should never be. It's why what was done to you, to Plasma, is so awful."

I nodded. "Ya, that's why I've been thinking. Maybe I've been asking the wrong question. It's not that they should or shouldn't be born, but if I'm even ready for such a thing. What if I just become a monster like Spine Breaker saw in me. What if I never recover from the curse and become a whore, where they are just the first of many neglected foals. Sure I can give them away, but there's no guarantee that whoever takes them in won't mistreat them."

Letting out a bitter chuckle, I continued. "Never should have opened up my legs in the first place. Probably would have avoided all this if I didn't stupidly accept booze from the first wastelander I met. Would have kept my supplies and virginity. Likely had skipped Wiretap over as I headed west, then likely joined the NCR over at Fillydelphia. Or just ended up like Plasma."

"You never know." Mint said.

"Eyep! So many missed opportunities to make my life better, but also near misses in making it worse. Fuck, if Molo had not appeared when she did, I'd might have gotten killed by a client. I'd definitely still been selling my body to pay off that loan. I even wonder, if it wasn't for this curse, would I go back to the Red Light Showroom as a side job? Maybe, not like I'd be worried about a client knocking me up."

"Or you would be enjoying some peace and quiet, with your friends." Mint suggested.

"Maybe." I said, my hoof moving down and rubbed on the cursed tattoo. "You know what the worst thing of all this is? It's the loss of control. If It was all my choice, as stupid as it sounded, I wouldn't have felt so violated about it. Even my rape by the raiders, if it had been a choice, as absurd as it sounds, if they gave me the option, then this wouldn't feel as bad. Like when I first came across the Brain Nails, and if Tripwire was not there with me… I don't know, but as disgusting as it sounds, getting pregnant because I had to fuck my way through their toll stop, that at least would have been better. But Tripwire robbed me of my free will with the mezmetron, and Grinder used it to violate me. Spine Breaker beat me and publicly humiliated me. And the raiders after him chained me down and had their way."

Taking a deep breath and letting out a huff, I continued. "Ya, that's it. I want to choose for myself what I do with myself. Even if my decisions lead to something bad, it needs to be by my choice. I understood some of that in that raider's den, but I didn't understand how bad it can be." Moving my other hoof up to my stomach, a smile crept onto my face. "When the time comes, it needs to be my choice. Take the poison and accept that I might die in hope to be free from bearing a raiders foal. Or choose to have the foals, and everything that comes after. If it's my choice, then I can live with it."

"And I'm guessing you haven't decided yet?" Mint asked.

"No, no I haven't." I answered, and then clarified. "I still lean on taking the poison, but now I've come to understand that what's in me is innocent. It's also complicated. But what isn't?"

"Well, so long as you're prepared to accept the choice you'll make, I know that you will be alright." Mint told me.

"Thanks. But tell me, how fucked in the head am I?" I then asked my friend.

Mint sighed as she looked at her notes. "I can't say your case is anything new. The feeling of violation and loss of control is often more damaging then the actual rape… depending how violent the assault actually is I mean. There are cases where there is next to no phisical trams, but the mental trauma was debilitating. Such trauma leans to the victim seeking any kind of control over their lives, even if it means victimizing themselves. Chem abuse is common, same as for self harm. It's a bit of a split between those who reject sex and those who become more sexually promiscuous. So I can't say you're mentally healthy, but you are on the right track. Recover takes time, and you never know if there's any after effects from any of this that appear years later. But so long as you're willing to face it, you will eventually get better. Though it's a slow process."

Taking another deep breath, and exhaling slowly, I felt… better. Still not all that great, but I did feel like some wate was lifted off my shoulders.

Letting myself flop back, I relaxed. "You know, I have a strange regret."

"And what's that?" Mint asked.

"Before we met, I was in a strange sort of relationship with a griffon, Horus was his name. I should have opened up to him more, let myself be cared for by him. If I had let him knock me up, I know I would never have thought about getting rid of the baby." I explained.

"Really, can you tell me more?" She further asked.

It was strange, but I actually wanted to say more. Not just about Horus, but the other ponies I had gotten close too, or simply passed by. Talked about what kind of future I had wanted for myself, and other things I wanted to do. It was like a locked door had opened up, and all my suppressed thought now flowed out of my mouth.

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I lost track of how long I chatted on, my mouth unable to stop, but eventually Mint had to stop it. She had her own responsibilities, and it was unfair of me to take up all her time. There were other ponies that needed her help too.

So back at the penthouse, Molo was feeling better and Plasma had woken up, but neither were the two interested in doing much.

It was clear Molo still had a hangover and was feeling lethargic, the poor mare simply sitting next to the radio and listening. She weekly waved at me, and I waved back, but chose to leave her be for now.

Plasma on the other hoof was working on her strange crossbow, no clothes on, legs spread with every scar and piercing visible.

Trotting up to Plasma, I sat down, watching her work. The tattoo over her womb looked a bit… more. There was what looked like a second heart forming inside the first, and faint lines surrounding them. I was getting a bad feeling that the tattoo could possibly grow.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked Plasma.

"Mentaly or physical?" She asked back.

"Any," I answered.

She put the crossbow down. "Truthfully, I don't know. I just know that so long as I'm busy, I don't think about unpleasant things."

"Well at least it's good to know your feelings more comfortable around us to work like that." I told her.

Her eyes shifted, and then she relaxed, taking a more seductive pose. "Really, because I can get more…." She caught herself and returned to her original position. "Sorry, I let my guard down for a moment. But no, it's not comfortable. Strangely, I just don't feel as… I don't know, but coving up is making me feel off. It's strange."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Well let me know if things feel more odd."

There was then a knock on the door, and Spell Circuit trotted in. "Oh, Lottery, good you're here. Got a message from Grizzly."

Trotting over, I asked, "good news or bad news?"

"Good actually." He said with a smile. "The Applejack Rangers sent a reply, agreeing to a meeting. A bit surprising with how quick it was, but then again, this mess involves the kind of tech they would kill to get it out of the hooves of others. Well they'll meet with us tomorrow, so make sure you and Plasma are ready by then."

"Speaking of Plasma." I said, looking over at her, she was carefully listening to us. "Maybe you should look after her… and Molo as well. I got an appointment with Cold, and those two haven't been feeling well."

Spell raised an eyebrow at me, clearly skeptical. "You sure that's…wise."

"No." I said flatly. "But it can't hurt if you all hang out, have some quiet time." Then I nudged him playfully. "Maybe have some fun, I wouldn't blame you."

He sighed. "I think you're not thinking all that straight, Lottery. But I do have a few things to talk to both of them about, so you can go. But make sure you're good for tomorrow."

"Thanks, and don't have too much fun." I said as I left.

"You too," Spell said back to me flatly.

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Fortunately it didn't take long to find Cold, the Enclave Remnants had claimed a small section of Ursa's Rest, where many of them stayed higher up, not interacting with others down below. I didn't blame them, as it was dangerous down here and many ponies didn't look upon the pegasus in a positive light.

Chatting with Chain Lightning, her and Cold actually looked like a cute couple, and I strangely felt… jealous.

Seeing me the two split off and Cold trotted over to me. "Good timing, I just finished here."

"Then I guess everything is alright?" I asked.

"Better… but." He looked back at the small enclave of pegasi, an uncertainty on his face. "It's a lot for them to adapt to, even after these several months."

I let out a chuckle, finding it a bit amusing that the ponies who spent their whole lives ignorant of Equestria's troubles, now had a hard time.

Cold seemed to pick up what I was thinking, and explained. "Ya, I get it, we had it good compared to you ponies down here. Boring and safe. And if it was just complaints about how hard things are now, I'd be laughing with you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Hopefully nothing too bad."

"It varies." He said, the pegasus stallion unfurling his one wing, and using it to scratch the side of his head. It reminded me how he will never fly again, and that he lost it saving me. I really shouldn't be giving him any kind of hard time. Cold then explained. "Alcoholism is becoming a problem, along with chem addiction, which is annoyingly understandable. About almost all the mares are pregnant, likely due to nopony breathing down their necks about the one foal policy. Several have disappeared with no way to find them, which either means they flew off or were taken. Fortunately some have found jobs, with a fair few joining the militia."

"Let's not forget the ones who joined the Red Light Showroom." I added.

He rolled his eyes. "And there's them. Fortunately Ursa's Den is giving them rooms in the casino, as life with the others isn't going to be easy. Tension between the Pegusi and everypony else is quite bad, not helped by any pegasus getting close to non-pegasus being seen as a traitor."

"Wait, what about you?" I asked, feeling a bit worried.

Cold motions for us to trot and talk, "Fortunately most of them are too spineless to even try anything to me. And those who had been living in Elysium up until recently have tipped the scales a bit in favor of cooperation. Unfortunately some of the wastelanders are dead set in proving the pegasus first idea right. Frankly, I won't be surprised if once this conflict is over, most of the pegasus will leave and try to form their own Enclave. It's been no end of problem for my squad"

He then eyed me curiously. "How about you, did you have your… talk?"

I sighed, letting out some more stress. "Ya I did, and I have to admit, I needed it. I was mostly just rambling on, but just talking about the problems has helped me clear my head."

"Clear enough to eat?" He asked.

I was feeling hungry. "Definitely."

Following Cold Trails, he led me to some ramshackle looking place that didn't look special, but something smelt wonderful inside. Trotting in, It turned out to be rather spacious, using some sort of multi colored canvas as a roof, which let just enough light in. In the middle was a grill, of which two gray earth ponies worked, they being a stallion and a mare who looked exactly alike. They must have been roughly my age, probably a few years younger actually, and both had an orange and black mane that ended in what looked like a radscorpion tail.

Actually, scorpions seemed to be the theme of this place, as black banners with white scorpions were all over the place.

"Well you're brave to come here." A mare said to us, she looked just like the cooks, but was a bit older and had her mane in a spiked mohawk… She was also clearly pregnant. "That or ignorant."

Both Cold and I looked at the mare in slight confusion.

A slightly pudgy stallion then trotted over. "Keep, my love, my darling, please just sit down and relax." The mare rolled her eyes and trotted over to a big pillow, where a foal waited for her. "Sorry about my wife, she doesn't like sitting still. My name is Moody Peddler, and how can I help you?"

Cold answered. "I was told by the local Talons about this place, but haven't had the chance until recently to come here."

Moody smiled as he quickly eyed the two of us up and down. "Well you two clearly came to the right place, just find a place to sit, and we'll get you started. Oh, and you need to pay up front. Fifty caps to start, each."

Before I could dig out my money, Cold paid for the both of us.

Moody quickly took the caps, counting them like he was shuffling cards. "Good, drinks will be provided shortly."

The two of us found a nice place to sit, the place had no tables or chairs, not even a pillow, other than a big fluffy one the pregnant mare sat on. But there were several talons and ponies in similar armor. Black with a white symbol was common here, as though they were all talons.

"Hey, Lottery!" Sugar Honey called to us, the very out of place mare trotting over with one of her griffon regulars at her side. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"I can say the same to you?" I said back.

She shrugged and sat down next to the Talon sitting and told us. "Oh, I'm a regular. Havle has taken me here almost every day since it got knocked up."

Havle, the griffon, looked away seemingly embarrassed.

I then had to ask, "So what's with this place?"

Sugar Honey chuckled. "Oh this place, it's a Talon bar. Well White Scorpions, but they basically like Talons. It's one of the few places that cooks a good meat dish, though these ponies like their scorpions a bit too much."

"The White Scorpions and other related clans have close ties with us Talons" Havle explained. "So we can trust them to not poison our drinks."

"You Talons have a lot of enemies." Cold said

Havle chuckled. "We do kill a lot of creatures, so that's normal. "

With a clatter, a wire mesh basket was placed down next to us, in it were two bottles, and two bowls with several skewered meat in it. "And we know better. You need a really strong poison to kill a Talon. Seen it myself once, the poor fucked got strangled the fuck out as the Talon was foaming from the mouth after being poisoned. Now for my clan, poison is just a flavoring, the spice of life… that and everything where we live is poisonous, so if you can't eat poison, you just can't eat there." It was one of the twins from the grill, the mare winking at us. "Sorry about my big sis, Keep is too much like our mother, aside from the drinking problem, and running out on us."

"Okay…" I said, feeling like that was a bit too much information.

"Well enjoy your Scorpion skewers and scorpion venom ginger ale vodka mix." She said and trotted away.

I looked at the meat, now feeling unsure if I should even try it.

Cold Trails didn't hesitate, taking a bite of one of the skewered meat. The pegasus chewed on it curiously, as though he didn't know what to think about what he just put in his mouth. After a moment he swallowed. "I'm… not even sure what that tastes like, but it's okay… I think."

Biting into my own, the meat was rather juicy, filled with flavor that was on the spicy side. Swallowing, I found it rather… good! "It tastes kind of like chicken."

"What's a chicken?" Cold asked me with no hint that he was messing with me.

I don't know why, but I then burst out into laughter.

He looked confused. "What? Why are you laughing?"

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