Anon Gets the Shot

by Captain Neckbeard

Rating: teen
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Profanity, Random, Human, Main 6
Length: 2796

Anon finally decides to get vaccinated against the you-know-what. Pinkie Pie is the nurse. Hijinks ensue.

Anon finally decides to get vaccinated against the you-know-what. Pinkie Pie is the nurse. Hijinks ensue.

Le shitfic. Might contain traces of not-so-literal nazis, Covid flu, and pink horses. Reader discretion is advised.
Actually, don't read this. :facehoof:

Published 2021-10-18 22:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-10-18 22:50:00 UTC

We can't stop here, this is Ponk country

Anon, human male, aged 25, was sitting in the waiting room of the local clinic, waiting to be called in. In the United States of America, or some other developed western country.

He finally gave in, and decided to get vaccinated against the 'rona, much to his own disdain, but nevertheless doing what seemed like the most socially accepted thing. This new, Lambda variant that made its rounds in the news was apparently even more vicious and deadly than the Kappa variant, and although Anon didn't cough even once in the last 12 months, he just had enough of his colleagues' and boss' pestering.

So he was sitting there, silently, holding his smartphone in his hands. He had given up on reading any news a LONG time ago, he only knew what was going on in the world through word of mouth, and even that was a bit too much for him sometimes.

Two forty-something women sat next to him, conversing about something. Anon caught an earful of what they were talking about.

"Did you get the last vaccine, too? I did, and all the previous ones, and I'm still at just fifteen. I swear, these anti-vaxxers... What is their problem?"

Anon turned back to his phone with a silent, disgusted sigh, refocusing on his favorite pony imageboard. He didn't particularly like that it got taken over by G7fags, but at least it took his mind off of things.

'Wow, this green is shit... I can't wait to read the next part.'

Finally, Anon heard his own name from the loudspeaker.

"Mous."

He put away his phone, and walked towards the nurse's office. He didn't notice it so far, but the voice that said his name sounded strangely familiar. He couldn't put his hand on it, but it didn't matter.

Anon opened the door, and stepped into the room. He closed the door behind himself, and took a few steps. He was on autopilot, he just wanted to get this over with. In the chair, at the table, the nurse in a white gown was writing something. Anon paid her no mind until finally, she spoke to him...

"Mr Mous, please sit down."

Now she recognized the voice. It sounded like Pinkie Pie, from fucking My Little Pony. It was strange hearing that voice from an IRL human, but on closer inspection, Anon noticed that the nurse's legs didn't touch the ground. Actually, the legs were under her, on the chair. Anon took a step to the side, and he noticed the pink curly bangs... The nurse WAS Pinkie Pie!

Anon gasped. He was sure he wasn't seeing straight. He must have been on drugs, or something. Although he never took drugs. Right? And yet, that nurse on the chair was Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

"I-I must be going." Anon sputtered, deciding this was too much for him, whatever was the reason for seeing a pink pony in a white gown.

He stepped to the door, and pushed down the door handle. Pinkie turned towards Anon in her office chair, and called him out.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't you want to get the shot?"

Anon stopped. He looked at the all too real equine creature.

"P-Pinkie Pie? Y-You're the nurse?? How? Just how?! This doesn't make any sense! I must be seeing things!"

"You guessed my name!" Pinkie exclaimed, chipper as expected "And duh, I AM the nurse. What did you think, that I'm here to throw a party? I mean, there WILL be a party, but that comes later."

Anon still had his mouth agape, but released the door handle. He was still confused as all hell, but for now, decided to go along with this, whether this was his imagination, or for real.

"So then, uh, you will inject me with the vaccine?"

"Yes, sure. That's why I'm here. Sit down, silly." Pinkie gestured towards the other half of the room, and jumped down from her chair.

Anon took unsure steps toward the chair where the deed will be done, and sat down. She looked at Pinkie who began searching for something in the opposite locker, standing on her hind legs. Anon constated to himself even among all his confusion and shock, that this pony was indeed little.

"So, what vaccine will it be?" Pinkie asked, still searching.

"Um, the vaccine for the COVID Flu? You know, the global pandemic?"

"Oh yes, the Ko-Weed..." Pinkie repeated "Now let's see here... Polio? Nope. Measles? Nope. Chickenpox? Nope. HIV? Wait, you're not even supposed to know about this one..."

"What was that...?"

"Nothing!" Pinkie exclaimed, and shut the locker door. She turned to Anon.

"Sorry Mr Mous, but I couldn't find the vaccine you need. Perhaps we're out. Perhaps we never got any in the first place. You know, big pharmas holding back supplies, and everything."

"But that's just ridiculous!" Anon answered "How can you say that? Didn't all the people before me got theirs? It ran out JUST as I turned up in the queue?"

"Okay, okay, hold your horses." Pinkie waved a forehoof "I might have some more in the supply room. Wait a bit."

With that, Pinkie went through a small door to what was apparently the supply closet. Anon heard shuffling of boxes, clips-clops of hooves, something breaking, and Pinkie muttering to herself things he didn't understand. Not letting the absurd situation get to him anymore, Anon instead took off his hoodie, and rolled up the sleeve of his T-shirt.

A few minutes later, Pinkie returned, holding an ampule in her mouth. Anon knew that wasn't too sanitary, probably, but at that point, it was the least of his concerns.

Pinkie spat out the ampule on her table, and looked around.

"Now to find a needle..."

She opened a drawer, of course with her mouth, and poked her snout inside. Anon wondered how many things must be covered in horse saliva in the room, but luckily, he didn't touch anything so far, so he didn't care too much.

"A-ha! I got it!" Pinkie turned to Anon, and unwrapped the syringe using her hooves and mouth. She then took it between her teeth, and stuck it into the ampule.

Pinkie walked to Anon, and exclaimed triumphantly:

"Alright, Mister Anon E. Mous! Are you ready for your shot?!"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Let's get this over with."

Anon held up the sleeve of his tee, and Pinkie put the syringe in position. But Anon stopped her.

"Shouldn't... Shouldn't you sterilize the area first?"

Pinkie spat out the syringe onto her hoof, and looked around.

"Sterilize? The janitor cleaned up the whole office this morning! It's sterile enough, you silly!"

"No, I meant my arm." Anon furrowed his brows.

"Oh... Eh, okay, I'll do it."

Pinkie gave Anon's upper arm a good lick. Anon shuddered. He was never licked by a pony before. Heck, he was never licked by anyone before...

"Uh, seriously?! That's how you sterilize?!"

"What?" Pinkie raised an eyebrow "Pony saliva is a great disinfectant. You have nothing to worry about."

"You should use alcohol..."

"Alcohol? No, we'll need that for the party. Seriously, calm down Mr Anon, everything will be fine."

Anon groaned. He stood up.

"O-kay, I'll just do it myself."

Anon walked to the counter with all sorts of flasks and bottles, and picked out one that looked like alcohol. He found some wad too, and went over the area Pinkie licked a few times. Then he sat back on the chair, while Pinkie was giving him a slightly disapproving look.

"Okay." said Anon "Poke me."

Pinkie raised the syringe up to Anon's arm, and pressed it against it. Anon peeked there, and noticed the brown-ish liquid filling the syringe...

"P-Pinkie, are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Am I the nurse, or not? Now hold still Mr Anon, this will hurt only a teeny-tiny bit."

"But the vaccine! I'm not an expert, but should it look like that? Does the COVID vaccine really looks this...brown?"

Pinkie raised an eyebrow again.

"Covid vaccine? Who talked about any Covid vaccine? This is chocolate milk, you big silly!"

"Wha-WHAT? What the fuck Pinkie, no!!!"

But it was too late. Pinkie stuck the needle into Anon, and pushed on the plunger. Anon was injected with chocolate milk. He jumped up from the chair, but it was a bit too late, as almost the full syringe was injected into him. He looked at Pinkie with horror.

"Pinkie, are you crazy?! You...you injected me with fucking chocolate milk! Or god knows what that thing was... Now what will happen to me?"

"Nah, nothing." Pinkie waved a hoof dismissively "Nothing serious. But the party I mentioned is starting soon! You really don't want to miss out on this one!"

"The only party is in your fucking head!" Anon wailed "Okay, I'm calling the police. This... This really shouldn't be happening to me."

Anon pulled out his phone, but suddenly, his fingers started to feel like jello. He couldn't dial 112, his fingers slipped all over the screen. He opened all sorts of apps, accidentally did a high score in Snake, posted a selfie on Facebook, deleted system32, then the phone fell out of his hands.

Anon felt his legs becoming weak. He wanted to run away, but couldn't. He collapsed, so he crawled towards the door, but didn't reach it. He tried to scream for help, but his mouth suddenly felt so dry that only a whisper came out. He turned his head towards Pinkie, weakly, with his vision darkening already.

"You... You goddamned pink horse, you're killing me!"

"No, you're killing ME!" the pink pony giggled "You're a riot Anon, I can't wait for the party to start!"

"Par-tay..." Anon wheezed, with one hand extended towards Pinkie. Pinkie just stood there, smiling, and slightly cocked her head. Not even half a minute later, Anon passed out.

"Is he gonna be alright?"

"I'm so worried about him. Was it too much?"

"I just can't believe another nazi chud ended up in Equestria!"

"Okay, he's alive. Can I go back napping?"

"Ooh. ooh, ooh, Anon, you're awake! Can you believe it? You're here! You made it to Equestria!"

The voices Anon heard were very familiar to him. When he opened his eyes, he saw beautiful blue skies, sprinkled with fluffy clouds. Or at least partially, because the rest was blocked out by Pinkie Pie, who was standing over him.

"Hellooo?! Are you getting up, or what?"

Anon rubbed his eyes, and with a head still wobbly, slowly got up to a sitting position. He looked around, and he could hardly believe what he saw. But by the looks of it, he was indeed in Equestria. In the middle of a small meadow, outside Ponyville, to be exact.

"Finally." said Rainbow Dash "Can I go now?"

"Rainbow, show some respect to our guest." Twilight snapped at her "This is his first time in Equestria."

Rainbow shrugged, but nevertheless stayed, floating in the air.

"This is great!" Pinkie bounced excitedly "I will throw a big party for you, and all your new friends will be there! Isn't this super-duper awesome?"

Anon didn't answer, just slowly got up to his feet. He gave Twilight a good look. Then he stepped to him, and ran his hands over her sides. Twilight stepped back, reflexively lifting up a foreleg.

"What...are you doing?"

"You! You don't have any wings! You're a unicorn!"

"Um... yeah?" Twilight awkwardly grinned "And?"

"This is just great!" Anon exclaimed happily "And Ponyville... There isn't any castle there! Holy shit, this is awesome! Wow! Alright!"

"Why would there be any, pardner?" Applejack said "Ponyville ain't big enough of a hoedown ta have any castles around."

"Okay now, let's walk around um... the nazi chud, and hope he isn't as annoying as the others." Rarity said.

"My name is Anon" Anon answered "And I'm not a nazi, Rarity."

"No? Then what are you?"

"Um, well... I don't care much about politics, so I don't even know. But not a nazi."

"Who said anything about politics?" Rarity answered "Aren't you a nazi chud? As in, the species?"

"W-what?" Anon asked, with his mouth left slightly agape "My species... Isn't called "nazi chuds". I'm a human."

"Really now? Then the white ones must have lied to us. They said all the green ones are nazi chuds. But then maybe you're all just humans. But even so, who are the nazi chuds?"

"It's difficult... But did you say white ones? Are there other humans here?"

"Oh, yes!" Twilight took over the conversation "There are exactly 358 other humans in Equestria, according to the last census. Buuut, you are the first green one. Anyway, they told all sorts of awful things about you green ones. I didn't understand most of what they said, but maybe you can make sense of it? I have notes in my library, we should...

"No no no no no no!" Pinkie Pie interrupted "At first, Anon should attend his official WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA PARTY! Then, we can talk about humans, nazi chuds, and whatnot. I'll go ahead, and get things ready at Sugarcube Corner."

Pinkie zapped away. Rainbow looked in her direction, and said:

"That reminds me I should also go. See you at the party!"

Rainbow dashed away. Anon spoke:

"Well girls, this isn't what I expected, but let's go to that party then. And after it, I swear I will help you figure out your "nazi chud" thing, Twilight."

"What do you mean this isn't what you expected?" Fluttershy said, for good measure, so everyone remembered she was still there.

While walking towards the village, Anon told them what happened with him, Pinkie, and the vaccination process. Twilight sputtered:

"PLeease, that is ridiculous, Anon. Pinkie was here in Ponyville the whole time. But you humans indeed pop up randomly from time to time. I mean, what's up with that? I tried to ask the others, but all they could talk about was some nonsense about rumps, walls, and something hilarious. If I remember correctly..."

"I swear, that's how it happened!" said Anon "I know you are the science horse, and all, but you must believe me!"

Twilight just shook her head, smiling a bit. Applejack answered instead.

"I think you're just too hungry to think straight, pardner. I have already delivered some apple pies to Sugarcube Corner. One slice, and you'll see everything in a better light!"

"Thank you AJ, but you ponies shouldn't be so skeptical about..."

"INCOMING!"

Rainbow crashed into Anon at a significant speed, and both ended up on the ground. Rainbow got up quickly, but Anon... Didn't.

Twilight and Applejack rushed over. Twilight began nudging him, but Anon didn't react.

"Owww... Come on, Anon! Wake up, wake up please!"

"Did he died?" Rainbow asked.

"I'm sure he's alive. I'll go, and bring some apples. That gonna help."

"WHAT?! Apples?!" Twilight asked, absolutely nonplussed.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Is that your proposed solution to everything?!"

"Duh. Apples are truly multifunctional. You'll see."

Twilight facehoofed hard, then turned to Rainbow:

"Rainbow, rush to Ponyville Hospital, and tell nurse Redheart what happened. Request an emergency cart, anything goes! We must save Anon!"

"Roger that!" Rainbow saluted, and flew away.

Twilight stood over Anon, with Applejack next to her.

"So, should I bring over those apples, then?"

"No Applejack, no apples!" Twilight said angrily, and pulled down AJ's hat into her face.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy looked at the scene from some distance, with Spike next to him. Fluttershy turned her head in his direction, and got startled.

"S-spike? How did you get here?"

"Oh, I just took a stroll in this nice weather, reading the newest issue of Power Ponies. You'll never guess what they did to poor Hum Drum! He was turned into a cheap author's mouthpiece! Can you believe it? Oh look, a dead nazi chud..."

Fluttershy flopped down to her rump, and rolled her eyes. She let out a soft sigh.

'I should move back to Cloudsdale already...'

"Yo Anon. Yo alright?"

Anon slowly began to open up his eyes. Finally, he could see a ceiling. And his buddies standing over him. And a blonde, petite girl, with a bit concerned smile.

Anon looked left and right, and got up on his elbows.

"Um... Ponies?"

"Yeah, he's gonna be alright..."

"Tee-hee! Gosh, my boyfriend sure does love weed!" said the cute girl, turning to the others.

"Okay, now I know this is just another dream." Anon said to himself, and flopped back to the ground.

THE...END?

Author's Note

I had a sudden idea, and I just had to get it out of my system. Sorry not sorry.