Internecine

The Daily Sun

TROTTER LAD VICTIM OF BRUTAL RAPE IN EQUESTRIA, ARRESTED AND CHARGED BY ROYAL GUARDS

6th January 2489

PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA - It is a cold night in Ponyville - a quaint hamlet south of the bustling metropolis of Canterlot, capital of Equestria - and its inhabitants’ dear Princess Luna is watching over its inhabitants.

Or is she?

Rumours of a colt being the victim of a brutal rape by a pegasus pony and being placed under arrest after begging for help from Princess Celestia's personal student yesterday are spreading through Trottingham like wildfire. The Equestrian ambassador has so far steadfastly refused to comment.

By studying documents released by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs under the Freedom of Information Act, however, the Daily Sun has found a diplomatic notice effectively stating that a Trottinghamian colt named Pipsqueak has been charged with the ominously named offence of ‘corruption of the fundamental innocence of the immortal soul of the minor’.

The primitive system of Equestrian law (based almost entirely on the interpretation of their dear Princess’ will) stands in stark contrast to Trottingham's parliamentary system; according to a panel of experts, Pipsqueak is essentially being charged with the crime of being raped by another minor, possibly as old as seventeen years old in the Equestrian system of consent, due to a small oversight in an old mare’s opinion.

Due to the opacity of the Equestrian legal system, little is known about the identity of the perpetrator. We have pinpointed the source of the original rumour: a letter allegedly sent to Pipsqueak’s mother by the Princess’ student, Twilight Sparkle.

“They just want to shut him up”, says the distraught single mother, leaning on the frame of her cottage south of Bridlestol. “That’s why none of the papers’ve gotten around to telling us about it yet. But I’ve got a paper! The Princess’ very own personal student, bless ‘er heart, apologising t’me. My little colt’s been right buggered, ‘e has. All I want’d was fer ‘im t’ave a better future and now ‘e’s going t’pay for it with ‘is blood.”

Her bags are packed. “Oh, these”, she says as we ask her about it, “I’m goin’ t’visit the poor lad and ‘ope for the best. It’s two months by boat, it is—I might as well start now.” She declined to show us the exact contents of the mail she received, but she confirmed the rumours.

Pipsqueak’s current situation is unknown, but various legal experts have suggested that he will be standing in court as soon as he arrives in Canterlot.

Let this be a warning to our dear readers: Equestria, no matter how kind its face might be, is still very much a place descended from the likes of Commander Hurricane and Princess Platinum. Keep that in mind as you read those brochures and decide to take a trip for work or play.

On second thought, don’t take a trip at all.

■ By Daily Sun Reporter

—

The track was bumpy and the railroad car was hard-seated; he had been sitting quietly for an hour, and was beginning to sweat quite a bit. The shower at the library had helped, certainly, and they hadn’t been rough with him, but the situation as a whole was fairly undesirable.

“Where are we going?”

The guards besides him said nothing; he felt uneasy.

“Can I see Princess Luna?”

The pegasus guard besides him glanced to the one on his left and then back down at Pipsqueak; he did not react, staring instead intently at the Unicorn Range out the window.

“Come on, Kick.”

“No talking with felon suspects.” He glanced over for a second. “No revealing names, either.”

“Come on. Does he look like a felon to you?”

Pipsqueak raised a hoof and spoke quietly. “What’s a ‘felon’?”

Kick shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Orders are orders and you know that.” He looked away a bit from his companion.

“Come on. Look at him.” He gestured at the quiet, bruised foal. “Worst case, he’s a kid that got lucky.”

Pipsqueak shuddered a bit. “Can I talk to my caretaker, please?”

The other groaned. “Come on. Just look at him. He’s scared, he’s lonely, he’s—”

“No.”

They both were silent for a while.

“I didn’t want to bring this up, Kick—”

“Don’t.”

“—but—”

“Don’t.”

“—you kinda owe me.”

Kick sighed and hung his hooves in surrender. “Fine, fine, fine!” He faced Pipsqueak. “What’s your guardian’s name, kid?”

“Her name’s Cheerilee,” he said, and shuffled his hooves. “She’s a teacher at the primary school, and she’s kind and—”

He interrupted him with a dismissive wave. “Right, right. Once we get to Canterlot, I’ll tell the guard to let her in if she calls up. Good enough for you?”

Pipsqueak didn’t quite think so, but he held his tongue and nodded; the other guard, however, for whom the question was intended, gave him a little grin of triumphance. “Good enough.”

Kick looked up and glared at his companion. “I might lose my job.”

He patted Kick on the back; metal clanged against metal. “Not if none of us say anything,” he said, grinning. “Will we?”

“Go buck yourself off a cliff.”

Pipsqueak looked up at both of them and decided not to say anything.

The rest of the ride was silent.

—

Scootaloo sat and shifted in place on the cold iron seats, twiddling her hooves in frustration as she tried to present her appeal.

“I’m like thirteen! He liked it!”

She looked between her captors, who did not move.

Her hooves went up to her chin as she glared at the wall. “What the hay’re you gonna charge me with, anyway?”

An uncertain voice came from the one on her right. “That’s one of the questions she can ask, right?”

“She had her charges read to her already.”

“This is stupid,” she said, and groaned. “Pipsqueak couldn’t get any if he tried.”

The guards stayed still, but the one who had been uncertain closed his eyes as well; she groaned in frustration and resorted to memory.

Unwilling something of the something minor’s something, she thought, corruption of the something or the other. Not good; the look on Dash's face was bad enough, but having to go to court?

She sighed out loud. Maybe she was a little tipsy, maybe been a little too rough. Wasn’t Dash’s business what she did, though, and it certainly wasn’t the law’s business.

“I’m gonna get out,” she grumbled, and pushed her little head back onto the oversized seat. “You just wait.”

They remained silent as the ponies in the carriage over.

—

Pipsqueak followed the guard in front of him onto the full railway platform. A handful of signs greeted his view; he could not read them past the series of guards holding the crowd back, but the sentiment was quite clear.

“Free the lad! Free the lad!”

“Immigrants,” Kick groaned, before raising his voice. “You need a permit to exhibit out here! You’re obstructing public commerce!”

Nopony seemed to listen, and the chanting grew even louder; as he seemed to try to puzzle out a way past, a particular voice came loudly enough to shatter eardrums.

“Excuse me, I’m his advocate!”

The crowd abruptly stopped chanting, a few groans coming from the back; a sheepish-looking unicorn, her purple horn letting the magic flow away from itself, quickly emerged. “Sorry,” she said, facing towards the crowd and walking backwards as the Royal Guards let her past, “Miscalculation with the spell.”

The other guard walked up from behind him. “You’re saying you’re this colt’s advocate, miss?”

Kick held a hoof up to the other guard and stepped aside. “It’s the Princess’ student.” In the background, the chanting continued, a few calumniations against the Princess and her student working themselves into the flow.

“Oh.” He stepped to the other side with as much grace as he could muster.

Pipsqueak came eye-to-eye with a very tired mare as she knelt, her saddlebags filled with what appeared to be paper. “Twilight? Twilight, why am I here? The guards said I was being arrested.”

She shook her head tiredly, grimacing a bit; the bags under her eyes were obvious. “I didn’t read enough while studying. I didn’t read enough and I made a mistake. A serious, serious mistake. I could’ve told Celestia before, I could’ve lied about the time—” Her breath came out in a long, slow push. “I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, and so he kept his silence.

She shook her head and put her hooves gently on the foal’s shoulders.  “Look, Pip, I have t—”

She quickly interrupted herself; she’d find out at the identity parade, and she had spent enough hours agonising over it that she really didn’t want to know. “Nevermind,” she said. “Doesn’t matter yet. I’ll check the case later. What’s important is getting you out of here.”

He nodded quietly, and Kick grunted.

“Which is what we’re trying to do, miss, if you please. You can meet him in remand.”

Twilight nodded and stood. “Of course.”

The guards walked past, leading Pip along.