A Matter of Principles

by iAmSiNnEr

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy, Random, Discord, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike
Length: 1241

Starlight kills Discord for real.

Discord goes a little too far in his pranks, and Starlight blasts him into oblivion. Since he's a douche, Starlight will stop at nothing to make sure he's gone forever.

Wait, what do you mean Starlight wasn't the one that killed him?

I blame Sledge.

A comedic take on "A Matter of Principals". Not to be taken seriously.

Published 2021-10-21 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-10-21 14:50:01 UTC

Like, Did Anyone Actually Like Him?

A Matter of Principles

By iAmSiNnEr

“Discord, that’s enough!” Starlight yelled. “Endangering students crosses the line! I don’t know why you’re trying to ruin the school, but this ends now!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Discord said smugly. “What are you going to do to me?”

“This is your last warning.” Starlight’s horn lit up with an intense light, the spell crackling in the air.

“Woah, woah,” Spike laughed nervously. “Take it easy, Starlight! Discord’s your friend, remember?”

“Well, he’s not acting like it!”

Spike huffed. “She’s right. What your problem, Discord?”

“My problem?” Discord protested, glaring at Starlight. “How is the fact that Twilight decided to put an incompetent, power-hungry unicorn in charge of her school my problem?!”

Starlight gasped, her face contorting into an expression of anger. She roared, and let the spell fly. A blast of raw, uncontrolled power slammed into Discord, reducing him to dust. He withstood it for a moment, before he finally was completely obliterated.

“D-did you kill him?” Spike blurted out.

“Yeah. Buck that dude. Now, I gotta go create some magic thingmajig for Fluttershy. Maybe even erase her memories of him.”

“Wat.”

“Discord, you seem off today,” Fluttershy commented. “You haven’t done much today!”

Discord cleared his throat. “Well, uh, dear Fluttershy, I’m just really tired. No worries, we can still have the tea party!”

Fluttershy blinked. “Tired? You’re never tired! Oh, are you having a fever or anything?” She got up in a hurry, and rushed over to Discord to put a hoof over his forehead. Discord jerked back, but she was faster than him.

“You’re cold,” Fluttershy frowned. “And why does your skin feel like...metal?”

Discord laughed nervously. “Because I felt like it?”

Fluttershy stared at him. “Discord, you’re not being yourself.”

Discord swirled the tea in the cup. “I mean, being normal is the new kind of chaos.”

“You’re not him, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

Starlight paused, looking through the control orb. "I'm Discord! Waddaya mean, 'shy?"

"You're. Not. Discord!" Fluttershy screeched. "WHERE IS HE?"

“I’m definitely Discord!” Starlight protested. “Shy, calm down!”

"If you're Discord, do something chaotic," Fluttershy demanded.

"Ummm...." Starlight pondered the demand. "Here!" She cranked the levers, before casting a quick spell.

The avatar of Discord snapped its fingers, and peppermint ice cream appeared. "See?"

"...if you were Discord, you'd know I hate peppermint ice cream."

"Oops?” Starlight tried. “I did that on purpose?”

“Discord would never do anything that I didn’t like on purpose,” Fluttershy sniffled. “What have you done to him?”

“I, uh…” Starlight shrugged. “Time to bail!” The avatar of Discord popped out of existence as Starlight summoned it back to her location.

Fluttershy stared at the spot ‘Discord’ was in. “I’m going to Twilight.”

“Starlight,” Twilight sighed. “What did you do this time?”

“Nothing!” Starlight tried to look innocent. “Nothing, I swear!”

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO DISCORD?!" Twilight calmly asked.

“Nothing, Twi!” Starlight smiled nervously. Was it just her, or did Twilight’s voice seem louder?

“Really,” Twilight deadpanned. “I have eyewitness reports from the students, Starlight.”

“Oh, fine, I blasted him with the obliteration spell,” Starlight admitted. “To be fair, he had it coming.”

“Oh, then it’s fine, then.” Twilight sighed in relief.

“What?”

“He’s fine,” Twilight shrugged. “He just doesn’t have a physical body at the moment. I believe he’s most likely recuperating in the chaos realm - he’s the literal embodiment of chaos.”

“Be right back. Gonna learn how to get there so I can erase him from existence.”

“Starlight-” Twilight tried, but Starlight had already teleported away. “Ugh.”

"Honestly, is it so bad if he's gone?" Spike queried. "What does him not being around affect?"

"A lot of things!" Twilight protested. "Discord goes to Fluttershy's tea party every Tuesday, and she'd be devastated if he didn't come! He also-" she paused.

"Just Fluttershy, right?" Spike nodded knowingly.

"Yeah. Actually, let's go help Starlight make sure he's gone forever. After that, we can create some kind of Discord simulation for Fluttershy."

“Wat.”

“You’re here to end me, aren’t you?” the half-formed Discord said as he looked at Starlight.

“Yep.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Too late,” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Plus, I’m pretty sure that was insincere.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Have a nice life, Discord.” Starlight unleashed the obliteration spell for the final time.

“Fluttershy, I’m here!” Discord called out, popping into existence in Fluttershy’s cottage on the fine Tuesday afternoon. “How are you-”

“YOU DARE?!” Fluttershy screeched, swinging a saucepan at the lord of chaos. “I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO HIM, STARLIGHT!”

“I’m Discord!” Discord protested, avoiding the saucepan. “Please, Fluttershy, believe me!”

“Why should I?!” Fluttershy yelled, still swinging the saucepan. “You tricked me last Tuesday!”

“That wasn’t me!” Discord yelped as he barely avoided another swing. “It’s really me this time! I’m just weak because Starlight yeeted me from the chaos realm and I can’t use the chaos magic until I regain my strength-”

“Likely story!” Fluttershy yeeted the saucepan at him, and he dodged aside in the nick of time. “Angel, bring all the saucepans!” The bunny saluted and hopped off.

“Fluttershy, please,” Discord begged. “You’re the only one I know that doesn’t have some kind of grudge against me. I need a place to rest and make sure I don’t die!”

“Tell me something only the real Discord would know.”

“You don’t like peppermint ice cream?” Discord tried.

“I SAID THAT LAST WEEK!” Fluttershy yelled as she took a saucepan from Angel and yeeted it at him.

“I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!” Discord yelped as he tripped over the sofa.

“Yeah, right.” Fluttershy loomed over him with another saucepan. “I’ll send the machine to your doorstep, Starlight.” She brought the saucepan down on his head.

“So.” Twilight looked stoically at her friends.

“So.” Starlight stared back at her.

“Mhm.” Rarity examined her hooves.

Rainbow burst out laughing. “I still can’t believe he met his end by Flutter’s saucepan!”

“I know, right?” Starlight giggled. “I was a little bit miffed that he still survived after I blasted him with an obliteration spell in his own realm, but he’s gone now anyways! How’s Fluttershy after she found it was really him?”

“Devastated, as you’d expect,” Twilight answered. “But like, memories are a fickle thing. She seemed to have already forgotten Discord when I went to check on her. You didn’t have anything to do with that, right Starlight?”

“Nooooo,” Starlight winked. “Absolutely not.”

“He was a douche, so…” Rainbow shrugged. “Can’t say I feel sorry for him. After all, he did trick us into that fake friendship mission.”

“He did try to send Tree Hugger to an alternate realm,” Rarity grumbled. “What if he did that to us? It’s better this way.”

“Agreed.” Applejack nodded. “Now ah can feel safe at the farm without him watering the trees with chocolate rain.”

“Anyways, that concludes our meeting.” Twilight stood up. “Same time next week?”

“Yep.” Everypony stood up to leave the room, except Starlight.

Starlight glanced at the picture that was on the table. It showed a tombstone with only one flower, and the inscription? It honestly cracked her up. It should, since she chose it.

“Here lies Discord, Beloved by None.”

Author's Note

I will not take any of the blame for this. If you need someone to blame, blame Sledge.