Sunset Shimmer and the College Applications
“SAT scores? FAFSA application? A different essay for every college I want to go to?!”
Sunset Shimmer was murmuring to herself, feverishly frantic, as she half-trotted her way back down a familiar path.
“‘Tell us about a difficulty you’ve overcome in your life’ - oh I dunno, being banished from my entire dimension?!” Sunset Shimmer was huffing to herself now, shuffling papers as she went, not even looking at where she was stepping. She didn’t need to; she’d traversed these steps so many times, she knew it by heart.
Sunset Shimmer had come here many times in the past weeks; ever since she got the first notice about the SAT exam. Every couple of days she left an offering just on the other side, hoping to tempt; it was McDonald’s, the first few times. Then, Chipotle, Taco Bell, Panda Express. For the past week, she’d turned to the nuclear option: sushi.
Her trap worked; this time, when she approached the magic mirror, a familiar face stared back at her.
“You!” gasped Sunset Shimmer, the unicorn. “I haven’t seen you since -”
“Yes, since I kidnapped you and threw you through the mirror, yada yada.”
“Nice to know it was such a big deal to you,” Sunset Shimmer the unicorn sniffed.
“Well it wasn’t, because I was a bad guy back then, okay? I - listen,” Sunset Shimmer sighed, and tried to push the frustration out of her voice. “I’ve come to make amends. I’ve come to bring you back to your home universe! Because I’m very sorry for what I did, and I’m here to make it right.”
“No thanks.”
“So all you need to - excuse me?”
“I said, no thanks.”
“I’m offering to bring you back to your universe.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“The universe you were banished from,” Sunset Shimmer explained, even as her teeth ground. “Unfairly banished from? You’re allowed to be mad at me, I understand. But I’m trying to make it right.”
“Oh, I know. Don’t worry, I understand. And I say: no thanks.”
“Get over here!” Sunset Shimmer made a sudden grab for her, but the unicorn danced out of her reach.
“Oooh! Almost got me again,” the unicorn giggled. “I knew there was something fishy going on here - and I don’t mean the sushi.”
“You - get over here now! You need to come back to your own universe!” Sunset Shimmer snapped, lashing her arm back and forth in the mirror before she finally gave up on trying to grab her.
“Why? Why the big rush, all of a sudden? You were happy to kick me out of that world a few years ago,” the unicorn sneered, and gave her tail a snap. “What’s the problem? World falling apart? Inter-dimensional rot, or something?”
“College applications,” Sunset Shimmer muttered, her cheeks flushing.
The unicorn considered her, and laughed out loud. “Is that all? Sounds like a personal problem to me.”
“It’s not funny! We don’t have anything like this in Equestria!” Sunset Shimmer huffed, and lifted the pile of papers, waving them threateningly at the mirror. “I don’t even know what a - a SAT is, or a FAFSA, or an AFAIK! What even is a tax return?!”
“I know we don’t! Why the heck would you think I want to come back to that world?”
Sunset Shimmer stared. She hadn’t anticipated this response.
“In our world - that world,” the unicorn began seriously, jabbing a hoof at the mirror, “I was an orphan, living in a group home, about to enter high school. I knew what lay ahead for me: even more years of bullying, back-breaking homework, and then college applications. Only I didn’t have any parents to help me, so I knew that college was a pipe dream, and I’d end up flipping burgers til I died. Or - got jumped, or something. Or ended up homeless.”
“Holy Celestia,” Sunset Shimmer murmured.
“So yeah, when you grabbed me? I figured that my life plan had come to its planned end just a little bit earlier than expected,” the unicorn huffed out a bitter laugh, and looked down at her hooves. “But then I woke up here, and all I could see was your butt as you ran away from where you’d ditched me. And I had hooves. That was a wild couple of weeks, let me tell you.” The unicorn shook her head, and her eyes went far away for a moment.
“But then I wandered into some little town. And - and there were others, like me. Not teenage girls,” the unicorn snorted, “but teenage unicorns. And they were all just so … kind. I didn’t trust it at first, not after everything. But - when they heard I didn’t have a home, or a family, they took me in. They brought me to their magic school. Turns out - I have magic here! Crazy, right?” Sunset the unicorn laughed, and made a few sparks come out of her horn to demonstrate. “And now I have friends. I have a whole circle of them!”
“Like Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle?” Sunset Shimmer chuckled knowingly.
“What? No.” The unicorn stared at her oddly. “Weirdo.”
“I’m not a weirdo!” Sunset Shimmer snapped, and ground out a growly sound of frustration at her match. “Ugh, was I always this much of a jerk?”
“Enough of a jerk to kidnap some innocent teenager off the street!” the unicorn accused in a shout, jabbing her hoof towards her. “I might have been ridiculously happy there, for all you knew! It’s just pure stupid luck that I wasn’t! You tried to ruin my life, so you know what? Even if I was miserable here, the only way I’d come back to that world would be to turn you in to the police!”
Sunset Shimmer had enough self-awareness to look ashamed. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I - ugh, I don’t know what I was thinking. This stuff, all the acronyms - it’s got me all tangled up.”
Sunset the unicorn considered Sunset Shimmer the human for a long moment, considering, then gave a huffed sigh, deciding to take pity on her. “Why don’t you ask your friends for help?”
Sunset Shimmer lifted her head from where it had dropped. “What?”
“Aren’t they all doing the applications too? Why not ask them for help?” the unicorn asked, looking at Sunset Shimmer like she might be the worst kind of idiot in the world.
“Well, I … I didn’t think of that.”
The unicorn version of herself rolled her eyes. “Is this the kind of problem-solving that led you to kidnapping a teenager off the street?”
“Listen, I thought you’d have better answers! You’re from here! I thought, if you came and took the exam -”
“Oh, so now you’re going to re-kidnap me, and force me to take standardized tests?! That’s even more evil than before!”
“No, not kidnap! Bribe!”
“With what?”
Sunset Shimmer fell quiet for a moment. “McDonald’s?”
“Did that sound more intelligent in your mind?”
“Listen, I’m panicking! The test is next week - I don’t have time to think of anything better!” Sunset Shimmer snapped, dragging a hand through her hair. “Geez, what am I gonna do now?”
“Why don’t you just talk to the guidance counselor?”
Sunset Shimmer stared.
“Yeah, I’m not a total dipstick, alright?” the unicorn huffed. “Guidance. Counselor. At the high school. Maybe they can - I dunno, get you a tutor or something. Hold you back a year. If all else fails, maybe you can go to a junior college.”
“A college for kids?”
“No! Like a - a two year school! Geez, just ask your friends, I don’t need to worry about this junk anymore! I’m happy being a magical unicorn frolicking through sparkly green fields!” the unicorn huffed, stomping her front hooves to demonstrate. “I’m going to take a test next week to certify as a potion technician. Potions! Like, for magic! This stuff is so much fun, I can’t freakin’ stand it! So there is no way I’m ever coming back to your world, especially not to take any dumb tests for you!”
“Fine, fine!” Sunset Shimmer sighed, waving her hands at the unicorn. “Well - thank you, for the advice. And sorry for trying to - grab at you, earlier. And the kidnapping. And banishing you to another universe.”
The unicorn version of herself sniffed, and turned her nose up. “You are forgiven. On one condition.”
“Alright, what is it?”
“Bring me more sushi! I forgot how much I missed that stuff living over here.”
Sunset Shimmer chuckled, and tilted her head, smiling down at her much-smaller self fondly. “Okay. You know, I bet we could be friends someday, huh? We have a lot in com-”
Sunset Shimmer was cut off as a plastic sushi tray hit her directly in the face.
