The Rake

by PoniesMine

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2237

Anon puts a rake in the middle of Ponyville. Ponies keep slamming themselves against it — This story was generated by an AI

Anon invents a rake and places it in the middle of Ponyville.
Ponies keep slamming themselves against it

This story was generated by the help of OpenAI with their 'playground' feature. More than 80% of this story was generated by the AI — I'm currently testing out some of its capabilities, so I'm sorry for the atrocious English.
I plan to use OpenAI's programming interface for other uses in the future :)

Here was the prompt I gave it:
Generate me a story where Anon puts a rake in the middle of Ponyville, and ponies keep accidentally slamming themselves against it.
The AI quickly loses track of any sort of meaning a few hundred words in, so I had to keep guiding it on some sort of correct track.

Published 2021-10-25 06:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-10-25 06:50:00 UTC

It's a Rake

It was another beautiful day in Equestria. The sun was shining, the wind was churning, and an innocent, handcrafted rake was gleaming from the middle of the road.

It sat there, completely innocuous, nobody had suspected anything.

Anon was crouched behind a bush, his arms tucked to his sides. The human could help but giggle prematurely as a pony unknowingly walked towards their doom.

"Yes, come on," he silently encouraged, "come on you stupid horse, you can do it."

An innocent pony, white coat, red mane - Roseluck, Anon remembered. She was strapped to a cart with a multitude of flowers, soils and pots. She trotted on without second thought- straight into Anon's trap.

The sound of metal on metal echoed like a thunderclap, and the ponies in the street stopped in their tracks.

"Whaaa?"

Roseluck stumbled backwards, her head was ringing like a bell. She had hit her head on the rake. The human squealed with excitement. She looked around, before tripping over her bottom lip and promptly falling onto her rump.

Anon couldn't help but laugh out loud, his guffaws replaced the ringing in Roseluck's ears.

"Pony down!" He giggled from his hiding spot, "pony down!"

No-one seemed to hear him, and if they did, none made an indication.

Roseluck was struggling to get to her hooves, Anon could see it. But she was still dazed from the impact, and the other ponies were beginning to crowd around her.

The human shivered with excitement

Roseluck had managed to get to her hooves, and she was shaking her head around. Anon couldn't help himself, he had to laugh at the fruitless movements. The pony's mane looked like it had been electrocuted as if she had been struck by lightning. Her head flopped left to right; an attempt to look around for the cause of her distress. Yet, she could not find the rake. Even though it sat directly in front of her.

The human giggled from his hiding spot.

Anon was luckily they hadn't invented rakes in Equestria. He was so glad Twilight helped him discover this newfound pleasure. She had slammed herself against his rake a few days earlier. The clueless alicorn literally didn't know what hit her.

"I hope the next one is as funny as this."

Anon went back to watching his single victim lying on the floor moaning her head off.

"I bet I can get ten ponies today," he thought aloud, "I would even bet money on it."

With this new incentive, Anon's excitement mounted even further.

It only took a few minutes for Roseluck to recover, she bleakly blinked her tears away and continued to walk forward as if nothing happened. Yet the rake still lay in the middle of the road.

The next victim was a unicorn, she had a broad smile on her face as she trotted along. Anon could hear her singing to herself. "I'm so happy I could poop, I'm so happy I could poop, I'm so happy that I could poop, my heart is full of chocolate loo-oo-oo-oo-oo-" but her life didn't end in chocolate.

The earth pony didn't see it until it was too late, she crashed into the rake. Anon laughed out loud when he saw the poor pony fall onto her rump and topple over onto the floor. The human couldn't help but laugh. She looked around for the cause of her pain, but she found nothing.

"Please just hit it." He pleaded with his next victim, "just hit it."

The pony shook her head and continued on her way without even glancing at the rake. Anon huffed his annoyance and continued to watch the gameplay out in front of him. It wasn't long before another pony approached the rake. Anon let out a single yelp as she slammed herself against the metal object again and again.

"Bwahaha! Hit it!" He laughed hysterically, "Hit it!"

The pony gave no indication of hearing him, or anypony else for that matter; she seemed too busy thrashing around like a dying fish caught on a beach shoreline. It was beautiful. Her head slammed against the metal object, and her eyes glazed over with confusion. Anon had never seen such a blank stare before.

The human clapped his hands together and let out a squeal of delight. He was yet again satisfied with his work; he had built a machine that made these ponies suffer. He had done it all with his own hands, and he was proud of that. He felt like he could accomplish anything now that he had proven to himself that he could build a rake.

Like, get a job.

But that was far too bellow him. He was better than that. He had just created something with his bare hands, and an alicorn couldn't do that. He was better than them.

Anon continued to laugh at the pony's pain, even though she didn't seem to be in any pain at all. He watched as she walked on by without a second thought about the rake. It was already beginning to haunt her. She looked out of it, like she was seeing things that weren't there.

Anon grinned from ear to ear, his eyes twinkled with excitement, he shook his head in disbelief that he had actually done it.

"I did it," he squealed gleefully, "I'm a genius!"

Another stallion fell screaming in pain after being hit by the rake. Another victim. He looked around in confusion, but Anon could see him begin to doubt himself. Anon couldn't help but laugh evilly as the stallion yet again made his way towards the object that had just struck him across the face. As if pulled by an invisible force, the stallion's hooves moved closer and closer towards it; fell onto his rump and cried out in agony again. Despite this, the pony soon enough walked off without much consideration

Anon drunk in every inch of the scene, but couldn't help but feel empty. His's eyes slowly pulled into a frown.

Annnnnnnd he was bored.

Washed asunder just like every other short unlived compassion Anon has ever had in his life. He had a very limited attention span - 30 seconds; his face morphed to expresses a facade of boredom.

"Well, that was a bust."

At least it had provided some temporary enjoyment - but the act had already gotten old.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

The human stood up from behind the bush and began to saunter over to his rake.

It had taken him quite some time to make it, but it was completely handcrafted by himself. He was proud of his creation - let's be honest, who wouldn't be proud of creating an instrument of death?

He smiled a little as he looked at it. It was a work of art, his own personal piece of art.

He growled.

A useless piece of art.

Anon was roughly ten meters away from the rake when a sight unexpectantly knocked him from his own enclosed thoughts. His eyes bulged in their sockets, and his mouth flopped open wide enough to hold a rake.

Princess Luna was walking towards his rake.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkk.

Twilight said she'd be visiting today. Anon should've remembered - but nope, he was too self-absorbed to notice any of his surroundings or realise the date.

He'll be sent to the dungeon. To the execution block. Celestia may have had mercy, but Luna? Nope. No fucking way. He had zero chances of survival.

Anon took several steps backwards. His mind was blank from panic. Surely he should've notified her of the current threat that sat several meters away - but it eluded him. He could only stare - he shook from an adrenaline rush.

"Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no-"

He could hear nothing else but his own inner voice whispering to him. His mind raced back to the first time he had met the princess. He remembered her face and her gaze. Her eyes were like a hawk's - they would find you and never let you go. He had seen them before: they were the kind of eyes that could see right through you, and into your soul.

His brain began to kick into overdrive - it ran faster than his legs, and faster than his arms. It was unable to control itself as every single thought in his head began to run around chaotically like a pack of wild dogs with rabies.

Anon felt as if someone had just shoved a knife into his gut and twisted it around several times; he felt as if he was going to vomit. He could hear the dry heaving of his stomach as it attempted to reject everything it had ever eaten ever since he was born - but Anon couldn't see anything beyond his own feet as he continued to back away from the scene unfolding in front of him; all logic left his body, and it wouldn't be long before Luna discovered him - Anon knew there was only one thing he could do now. Especially with all his inner monologuing.

Run. He ran with every fibre of his being. His throat already hurt, and his lungs were short on breath - but he would stop for nothing.

WHAM!

...But it was too late.

Princess Luna's muzzle was crushed. The rake had slammed directly between her eyes and pulverised her nostrils.

Yet she didn't move.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-"

Anon's terrified legs pushed harder against the soft grass beneath him as he raced off into the distance. The feeling of adrenaline was still pumping through his veins as he ran as fast as he could. He was a human on a mission now, and nothing would stop him from getting to safety.

Luna slowly turned her head towards the openly retreating human and swept her eyes over the area. She twitched her ears and flared her nostrils.

There was no sound.

She waited.

She listened.

But still, nothing.

Luna calmly sniffed the air with her broken nose. The smell of fear and panic was all over the place, and it made her grin slightly.

Anon.

She knew it was him.

He had tried to ambush her, but he had failed.

Luna took a step forward, then another step. When she finally reached the rake she kicked it away with one of her back legs into the distance. She saw Anon running into the horizon- she tilted her head to the side and slowly trotted after him.

Anon was still running as fast as he could, his mind was screaming at him to go faster - even though he knew that it was too late and there was no way he'd be able to outrun an alicorn. He was only a few meters from the exit of the town when he tripped and fell face-first into the grass. He tried to push himself up again but his body refused; it would take any opportunity it could get to slow him down as much as possible - and as such he remained on his stomach for several minutes as sweat dripped down his forehead and onto the grass below him. He could hear her approaching behind him every second that passed by. He closed his eyes and begged for mercy - but there was no such thing as true and genuine mercy in Equestria - and so he continued to wait for his fate. His fate: death by dismemberment by an alicorn princess who will never forgive him for the rake. He didn't want to die now though - not now that he hadn't accomplished everything he ever wanted in life.

Anon opened his eyes slowly and rolled over onto his back. He sighed deeply as Luna trotted up to him, a look of pure evil across her face as she glared down at him with a snarl on her lips. Her horn lit up with a purple glow as she prepared to strike down upon the human who lay defeated beneath her hooves. Anon closed his eyes as tears slid down from their corners - it was time for his death sentence now, wasn't it? No more games anymore, just death...

He waited for a moment, but nothing happened - no scream of agony or agonising scream of pain or even a cry of pure anger or rage or hatred or anything else really... Anon opened one eye slowly... He looked up at Luna who stood there stoically staring down at him with a blank expression on her muzzle... Anon looked around cautiously before quickly turning onto his stomach and sprinting off into the distance again; Luna remained motionless through this whole ordeal; she simply stood there watching Anon run off into the background like some sort of coward without even bothering to stop him... Anon gasped for air as he ran; his lungs were short of breath already - but he couldn't allow himself to stop.

Luna's eyes and horn flickered up into a fiery frenzy and yeeted Anon's wailing body into the fucking moon.

She watched his body fly into outta space.

"Humph," she ribbed, "I'll let him down after 20 minutes - that'll teach him."

Author's Note

As mentioned in the description, this story was partly generated by OpenAI. You can apply for the beta.