Casual Tryhard

by SockPuppet

Rating: teen
Tags: Button Mash, Science Fiction, Slice of Life, Crossover, Death, Human, Sweetie Belle, Star Wars, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1105

Sweetie Belle wants the Mandalorian to kill Button Mash.

Sweetie Belle wants the Mandalorian to kill Button Mash.

With brainstorming help from the Triptych Continuum Discord, particularly FanOfMostEverything.

Published 2021-10-24 18:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2021-10-24 18:20:02 UTC

In which Grogu does not appear

Sweetie Belle levitated the two mugs of hot chocolate from Sugarcube Corner's sales counter to a table. She sat down and sipped her mug.

The Mandalorian just sat there, the expressionless mask of his helmet staring at Sweetie Belle.

"I... bought you a mug of hot chocolate," she said. She reached up a hoof to tuck a stray strand of her mane behind her left ear.

"I see that."

"Are you going to drink your hot chocolate?"

"You can have it."

"I'm Sweetie Belle."

"You said you had employment for my skills."

Sweetie Belle lowered her mug and looked at him.

Outside, an explosion rumbled distantly. The glass of the windows shook.

"Let's be fast," the Mandalorian said. "It sounds like your friends have their hands full with Grogu."

"Hooves full," Sweetie Belle said. "Scootaloo and Apple Bloom aren't necessarily very good babysitters, but Dinky and Sparkler will keep a lid on things."

Mando just stared at her. The hot chocolate steamed, cooling.

Sweetie Belle's mane drooped and she hung her head. "I have a job for you."

"Do you have credits?"

She leaned down and grabbed a bit pouch from her saddlebags and dropped it on the table. "Bits. Gold bits."

Mando pulled a coin from the sack. A laser from one of the tools on his left wrist scanned it. "Even pure gold isn't worth much to societies with asteroid mining and fusion smelting."

Sweetie bit her lip, ears quivering. "But... but... but I need your help..."

Mando dropped the sack back on the table. "Describe the job."

"There's a colt. In my school class."

Mando held up a hand. "A kid? No."

"But the things he's done!" Sweetie sobbed, fountains of tears cascading. Alula and Rumble, at the next table, popped open umbrellas.

Mando tapped a single finger, lightly, against the table. "I'm not going to take a contract on a child, but now I am curious. Go on."

Sweetie's tears stopped. She sniffled and wiped her nose before taking another sip of hot chocolate.

"He knows what he did."

Mando stared at her.

"Maybe if you just meet him," Sweetie said hopefully, "you'll want to kill him?"

"That seems unlikely."

Princess Luna stormed off, a stormy expression on her face, and Mando took her place on the arcade game's platform.

Button Mash and Mando each dropped a quarter-bit coin into the machine. Button's beanie propeller spun rapidly as the game started.

Mando grabbed his controls and was just starting to move his character when Button peeked at his side of the screen and then popped around a corner and blasted Mando's.

"You're a screen peeker," Madno said dryly.

Button camped on the spawn point and blasted Mando three times as he spawned.

"That's spawn camping," Mando said.

"Oh poor big armored baby doesn't know how to cope with the little colt spawn camper," Button replied.

"Projectile spam too?" Mando said, making a snap shot and blasting Button's character.

"Hey—hey, you cheater!" Button snapped. "How'd you do that?"

"Superbly," Mando replied.

"Your momma probably kicked you out of the house because you stunk so bad when you played games."

"My mother was murdered by droids."

Button Mash smirked. "Hey, Sweetie? Why is this guy simping for you?"

"We're not talking about me!" Sweetie shouted, her horn sparking.

"You casual tryhard!" Button called, killing Mando once more. "Git gud."

They played for several more seconds before Button howled in triumph. "There! The dreaded Rear Admiral! You owe me ten bits."

Mando paid Button. Button sat on his stool, one elbow hung arrogantly over the machine. "Who's next?"

Mando and Sweetie Belle walked away from town square. "Give me the bits," Mando said. "You were right, after meeting him, I do want to kill him."

Sweetie Belle used her magic to pop the lock on the back door to Sugarcube Corner. They snuck up the stairs and snuck into Pinkie Pie's bedroom.

Gummy blinked at them.

"Oh, good," Sweetie said. "Pinkie's not here."

Mando walked to the window that looked over town square. He unlatched it and raised the sash a few inches.

"So, you're going to kill him?" Sweetie asked.

"Not if you keep disturbing me," Mando replied. He unslung his disintegrator rifle, an Amban phase-pulse blaster. Three times as long as Sweetie's body, the wicked forked end glinted in the sun pouring through the window.

Mando kneeled and laid the barrel over the windowsill. He pulled a shell from his bandolier and loaded it.

"Oh please oh please oh please oh please..." Sweetie chanted under her breath.

Mando lined up the shot, carefully sighting through the scope, and squeezed...

"Ha!" Button Mash said. "Tryhard more, loser."

Rumble kicked the game and then flew off, in a snit.

"Taking all comers!" Button said, turning back to the crowd.

"I'll plath with you," Twist said.

"You? Ha!" Button turned back to the game and dropped another quarter-bit in. "C'mon."

Twist stepped toward the platform.

With a thunkth-thwooth, the sound not entirely unlike something Twist would say while attempting onomatopoeia, Button Mash disintegrated. His body seemed to twist in five dimensions and shrink down into nothing, his beanie remaining in place, held hovering by the spinning propeller but the beanie now counter-rotating compared to the direction the propeller spun.

Ponies screamed. The flower trio flopped onto their backs, legs kicking up into the air. Twist just stepped onto the platform and took Button's controller, the quarter already having been dropped in. She mashed one player.

Mayor Mare ran, screaming, and grabbed the beanie from the air. Rumble and Alula gave each other a hoof bump.

"My—my Celestia!" Twilight shouted. "What happened?"

"He disintegrated!" somepony shouted. "Just, poof and gone!"

"How could this happen?" demanded Spoiled Rich. "Won't somepony think of the children?"

With solemn dignity, the Mayor, Twilight, Sunburst, and several others carried Button's beanie to Cafe Hay, where his mother was eating a late breakfast of eggs, fruit salad, and coffee.

"Your... your son," Twilight sobbed. "We... we... we don't understand what happened!"

Button's mom looked up from her meal. "Eh."

Mayor Mare blinked. "'Eh?' That's all you have to say? Is 'eh?'"

"He'll be fine," said Button's mom.

"He disintegrated!" shouted Sunburst.

Button respawned next to the mayor and put his beanie back on.

"I gave him a green mushroom for breakfast," said Button's mom. "He had an extra life."

Author's Note

"What?" Sweetie shouted. "You have to kill him some more!"

"Got bits?"

"N-no! You took all mine!"

Mando shrugged. "It would be unprofessional to give out hits for free."