"Sprout, why are you calling? Shouldn't you be out on vacation?"
"I'm bored, guy. I can't relax when you're out there taking all the glory."
One calm evening, town sheriff Hitch Trailblazer enjoyed the blissful feeling of Sprout-free solitude. At least, at first. Clearly, the troublesome deputy isn't leaving him alone so easily, trying everything in his power to track updates.
"I got everything covered, stop worrying, Sprout." Hitch asserted.
"Whatever you say. Sprout huffed. Plus, I discovered something weird."
"Which is?"
"The 'Tunes' in Gooney Tunes is spelled like music 'tune' instead of car-'TOONS'."
"No way."
"Way, dude. Way."
"Why would they do that? No. Way."
"I'll bet you anything. I'll bet you two hours worth of phone sex."
"Two hours worth? You're on."
Sandwiching the phone between his ear and shoulder, Hitch booted up the computer and ran a quick search on Poogle.
"Okay, I'm checking on the web...it's loading and......oh, crap, you're right!"
"Ha, I told you, bud!" Sprout scoffed.
"Dang."
"Alright, two hours worth of phone sex."
"Yeah, whatever."
"I'm gonna call right now."
"That's a little more information than I needed."
The two share an awkward friendly laugh before Hitch hung up, leaning back in his chair with a light sigh. "Where were we? Ah, resting."
Resting his hooves behind his head, the stallion nearly flopped out of the seat in surprise as the phone rang again.
"This is officer Hitch speaking," he huffed. "What's your emergency?"
"I wanna talk to the hottest, horniest mare you got." a voice purred.
"Uh, Sprout?"
"Call me 'THOR'."
"Sprout, what are you doing, dude?"
"Well, you know, phone sex."
"Yeah, I'm not gonna do it." Hitch laughed it off. "You call one of those numbers and you send me the bill, you know?"
"Hitch, Hitch, Hitch, I don't want your money."
"Then forget about it."
"Dude, you lost the bet! Now, I'm calling back, so learn to disguise your voice, ya jerk!"
CLICK. Sprout hung up. Hitch rolled his eyes as he setting the phone back down.
Less than a minute later...
RING RING.
The stallion groaned, a massive wave of cringe and regret had fallen upon him as he picked up the phone.
"Horny Slut Hotline," he said in a shrill voice. "This is Peppermint speaking."
"Uh, hello, Hitch?" a mare's voice answered, confused. "Is that you?"
"U-Uh, Sunny!" Hitch fumbled with the phone. "I-I was just...heh, having a josh there."
"Heh, if you say so. I was just calling to ask if I could use your restrooms, I'm a few blocks away."
"Sunny, there are, like, a thousand restrooms to choose from between there and the station."
"I know, but the mare's rooms there are super clean and fragrant though!"
"Mmm, fine, sure, knock yourself out."
"Thank you so much!"
Hitch hung up.
As expected, the phone rang once again.
"Sheriff Hitch here."
"Hey, it's THOR..." Sprout purred.
"Hey, Sprout, what the buck, dude?! You said you were gonna call right back, I almost embarrassed myself in front of Sunny!"
"I wanted to give you time to get in character."
"Listen, Sprout, forget-"
"Call me THOR..."
"Ugh...let me see if one of our operators is free."
"..."
"Heyy, this is Peppermint."
"Yeah? Well, uh, this is THOR. What do you think of my hammer?"
"...terrific."
"What do you wanna do to it?"
"Oh, I...wanna do some naughty things to it. It's so-"
The entrance suddenly rang, Hitch hid the phone behind the desk as Sunny stepped in, trotting past in a hurry. "Hi, Hitch, bye, Hitch, BATHROOM!"
SLAM! the frantic mare closed the door in the blink of an eye.
"Peppermint?" the phone muffled. "You there?"
Coast cleared, Hitch picked the phone back up. "I'm back."
"Yeah, okay, okay..."
"Sprout?"
"I'm finished, dude, I'm done."
"Wait, you're done already?"
"Yeah, you...you should see all this..."
"Good grief..."
"Alright, now there are 57 minutes more that you owe me."
CLICK. Sprout hung up.
Hitch let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temple in disbelief.
RING RING! the echoed tone shook the pony to the core.
"Hey, this is Thor..."
"Jeez, 'Thor', do you ever take a BREAK?!" Hitch huffed. "Hold on......this is Peppermint speaking. Did ya miss me?"
"Hey, Peppermint."
"Feel like being bad with Peppermint?"
"So bad. Sooo bad..."
RING RING!
"Oop, hold on, I got another call. Stay on the line." the stallion cleared his throat, deepening his voice as he switched to the other call. "Sheriff Hitch here."
"Hey, it's Sprout, I just wanted to say that you were AMAZING."
The sheriff's eyes widened. "Sprout, what's going on? I got you held up on the other line."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know, 'THOR' just called."
"Uh, that ain't me, bud."
"..."
"..."
"Aww, shit. Hold on."
Furious, Hitch switched back to "Thor".
"Hey, whoever this is, buck off!"
"Hey, hey, come on," the voice whined playfully. "You already got me so worked up, you're...you're very good."
The irritated stallion's frowned face softened. "Really?" he chimed.
"Yeah, really. I mean, you say all the right things."
"Huh..."
"L-Listen, can I talk to Peppermint again?"
Giving a brief peek to scan his surroundings, Hitch hunched back over the phone.
"Sure." he whispered, clearing his throat again. "Hey there, this is Peppermint again. I hear my favorite customer has an attack of the hornies. Peppermint's here to make it aaaall better."
"Uh, Hitch?"
The stallion's heart sank upon seeing a stunned Sunny staring dead at him.
"SUNNY!" he gasped, hiding the phone. "T-This isn't what it looks like. Y-You see, Sprout got me doing this-"
"Is this what you do in your free time?"
"N-No, definitely not, this isn't a regular thing at all!"
"I mean, it's fine if you do, I guess, but...YOU?"
"Come on, Sunny, you know me!"
"I'm just gonna...go now."
Without another word, the confused mare awkwardly headed toward the exit, Hitch resting in his seat bathing in embarrassment. At the door, Sunny stopped. "I'm not one to really judge," she uttered. "But your mare voice needs some work."
"Y-You're just jealous 'cuz I'm more of a mare than you'll ever be!" Hitch snorted as his friend closed the door.
Hey, guys.
If you're in the mood for some steamy sexy chats, there's only one Hitch Trailblazer.
;3
Naughty...
1-800-55-GYRLZ
Steamy...
"When I first heard Peppermint was a dude and not a chick, I wanted to call a chick. But Hitch's a DUDE'S dude who really knows what dudes wanna hear when they're imagining talking to a chick!"
~ Actor's Endorsement
