Several men and women wearing prison guard uniforms stood on both sides of Sunset Shimmer. One guard reached for her key ring.
She stood with one hand on her keys, thinking. Finally, she said, "Nah."
Sunset glared at the guard. "What do you mean, NAH?"
Another guard chuckled. "Shimmer, we know you. Once we unfasten your shackles, you're probably going to beat the crap out of the closest guard. Which would be whoever just unlocked you. We don't have any reason to help you."
"Bitch!" Sunset shouted. "See if I ever do anything for you!"
"Let's compromise!" said a woman with a sunny smile. She pulled an electric stun gun from her hip holster.
***
Sunset Shimmer woke up with a pounding headache. She opened her eyes, and slowly moved her head just enough to look around. She was lying in a dark alley. Someone had been thoughtful enough to leave her on a pile of mostly clean cardboard. Sunset felt a lump under one hip. She rolled over with a groan, and emptied her pants pocket. She found a hundred dollars in twenties and tens, several quarters, and copies of the documents certifying she'd completed her sentence.
"Huh," she said. "I guess they ARE afraid I might come back for them if they don't treat me right."
Sunset stood, and swaggered towards the alley's mouth.
Once she reached the sidewalk, she saw a teenage boy walking along, his attention captured by his mobile phone. "Gimme that!" she snarled as she snatched his phone away.
The boy stared at her.
"Tell you what, you sniveling little cunt. If you wait ten hours to report this phone stolen, so I can use it for the rest of the day before they shut off service, I won't come back and rip your balls off."
"What?" the boy said in a tiny voice.
"Ok, twelve hours, but that's my last offer."
The boy ran away screaming.
Sunset shrugged. "Good enough." She connected to SocialBook, and searched for 'Sunset Shimmer.'"
She had a surprisingly active social media presence, for someone who'd been in prison without access to electronics. And quite the social life. Photo after photo of the redhead smiling with her 'friends,' doing wholesome activities.
"This," Sunset said, "is really fucked up."
***
In the Canterlot High School lunchroom, Sunset sat eating lunch with her friends. A ringtone played from her back pocket.
"Who's that?" Pinkie asked. "I don't think we've ever heard that one before."
Sunset stood up and pulled out her mobile. She looked at the screen. "I've gotta go," she said. "Family emergency."
The other girls stared in shock.
Twilight said, "You have a family?"
Sunset turned to Twilight. "How are you with...improvised weaponry? Stun guns, disintegration beams, that kind of thing?"
Twilight smiled proudly. "First place at the National Homeland Defense All-Teenager Science Fair three years in a row! I can build a death ray faster than you can say 'Пожалуйста, не убивайте мою семью' in Russian!"
"What does that mean?" Applejack asked.
"Uh...'Please turn that thing off.' I think. Close enough, anyway. The important thing is, the answer to your question is, 'Yes!'"
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Sunset. there's something you're not telling us--"
"No time!" Sunset interrupted.
"--we DESPERATELY need to know!" Rainbow finished for Rarity.
"You want to know? Fine! There's not just one Sunset Shimmer, there's TWO. I stole the other one's identity. Well, I kind of 'borrowed' it and took her place with her parents' help, because her parents didn't want to have to tell all their friends their daughter was in prison."
"Huh," Applejack said.
Sunset continued, "The other Sunset has been a human her whole life, and she was in prison for four years, but she just got out. And..." Sunset Shimmer picked up a bread knife, and stabbed herself in the arm.
Rarity screamed. "Darling, what the..."
Rainbow shouted, "Why did you do THAT for?"
Sunset pointed at her bleeding arm wound, and said, "We're totally different people! I'm me, and she's her! Gotta run bye!" She grabbed Twilight Sparkle by the hand and dragged her out of the cafeteria.
"Well," Applejack said.
Pinkie said cheerfully, "That makes perfect sense! I'm glad our Sunset almost has things under control! Or at least she's trying to plan ahead!"
Everyone else at the table exchanged doubtful looks.
***
At the edge of the faculty parking lot, the Sunset with a fresh stab wound in her arm stopped running and skidded to a stop. In front of her and Twilight, a Sunset Shimmer straddled an idling motorcycle.
The bleeding Sunset gripping Twilight's wrist said, "You can't park that thing in here!"
"Hmmph!" the motorcyclist sneered at Twilight's friend. "I can do whatever I want."
"And also...that's my motorcycle! Give it back! How did you even get it started?"
The motorcyclist shook her head. "What part of notorious juvenile delinquent criminal don't you understand? I learned to hotwire motorcycles before you learned how to snort hay."
"We don't SNORT hay. We--oh, buck it." Sunset released Twilight's wrist. "Twilight, meet human Sunset Shimmer. Sunset, meet Twilight."
The motorcycle-straddling girl leered. "Sunset, you found a very pretty girl."
"Don't buck with her!" Sunset shouted. "If you hurt her, or do ANYTHING to her at all...I'll make you suffer! Or die, either way would do!"
Sunset grinned. "The little copycat has a big yowl!"
Twilight reached into her skirts, and pulled out a...thing. It would be hard to say what exactly it was, except that it looked like someone had built their own science fair project in sixty seconds or less. Twilight's finger twitched, and the pavement next to criminal Sunset's feet exploded.
Twilight smiled. "What Sunset said? I'M the one who'll make it happen, if you dare...MESS with me."
Criminal Sunset chuckled. "You don't like to say 'don't FUCK with me?'"
Twilight shrugged. "The more firepower you have, the less you need profanity."
The redheaded criminal pursed her lips. "Huh. I never thought about it that way."
Bleeding Sunset gently grasped Twilight's wrist again. "Human Sunset?" she said, "I think we need to agree on what to call each other. So people won't get confused."
"Bitch, you've already ruined my rep, acting all NICE and shit. What more could you do to me, you ain't already done?"
Bleeding Sunset took a deep breath. "I could...I could tell my girlfriend you were mean to me and my friends." She blushed.
"Also," bleeding Sunset added, "I could leave town before I finish earning us a high school diploma. Magna cum laude, baby!"
For the first time in the conversation-slash-confrontation, criminal Sunset seemed appalled. "Magna cum what? Is that some kind of freaky sex shit? You been doing something freaky with--"
"It's just Latin for really good grades!" Twilight interrupted. "It probably isn't freaky ENOUGH for you, you...delinquent!" She pointed an angry finger. "You probably don't even flush the toilet after you do a doo doo!"
Criminal Sunset laughed. "You spend four years in a prison cell, babe, you'll learn to flush the toilet EVERY time. Nobody likes the whole wing getting stunk up. Don't you worry about that."
The criminal shrugged. "Pony girl, got to admit you ain't done all bad for us. You ain't put any extra crimes on my record that I know about. You're still in high school, on track to graduate--"
"You've already checked that?" the bleeding girl asked.
Sunset grinned. "I am a criminal mastermind PAR EXCELLENCE, babe. Hotwiring cars, roughing up hoods, hacking into computers...I can do it ALL. Just when we graduate--"
Twilight opened her mouth, but didn't say anything.
"As I was saying, right before graduation, Imagonna hack into the school computers and make a duplicate of our records. Good twin and evil twin, both with great grades. But you're still gonna be the only one of us who has your extracurricular shit, I don't like any of that garbage. You can keep it all for yourself."
The bleeding girl said, "Uh...thank you for understanding."
"No problem, bitch! I was angry at first, but now I get your plan. Spend four years making it look like I was an angry bad girl but I reformed. Keep us both out of trouble." She winked. "'Sides, I know there's no way you could measure up to my bad rep. NOBODY can be as bad as me."
"Sure." Sunset smiled nervously. "That was my plan all along. I'm glad you like it."
The criminal nodded, and spat on the ground. "Next question. This the only ride you got?"
***
Sunset and Twilight shared a motorcycle, Twilight riding behind her girlfriend. Beside them, delinquent Sunset drove Principal Celestia's car.
"Can you stop DOING that?" Twilight's Sunset complained. "You're going to get us in trouble. Four years without any new crimes on our record, and you'll ruin it your first day out!"
"I can't help myself, babe. This is one sweet ride." Human Sunset waggled her eyebrows. "And I think your principal is VERY fond of you. I don't think she'd report you to the police for a first offense, long as we don't hurt her little car."
"RRRRRGGH!" Sunset replied.
Twilight squeezed Sunset a little tighter. "We just have to keep from getting caught until we can get human Sunset her own ride. I can fix up an old motorcycle or something." She whispered in her girlfriend's ear, "I can hide a remote-controlled bomb in the gas tank, so if Sunset gives us too much trouble...boom." She smiled like an innocent girl.
"What you two talking about?" human Sunset asked.
Wounded Sunset said, "Twilight was just saying she can fix up an old motorcycle for you."
"Sweet. Thank you, hot nerdgirl."
Twilight bared her teeth. "You're welcome, car-stealing asshole."
"Woo! You CAN talk like a real person!"
"I thought you might hear better if I spoke to you in your vulgar, degraded language."
"Mee-yow!"
***
Sunset and Sunset sat side by side on the couch in Sunset's apartment. Pony Sunset threw down her controller and shouted at the television, waving a fist in the air. "I HIT that robot! I HIT it! I hit it square on the fuselage! It should have EXPLODED! You mother--"
Human Sunset laughed. "And here I'M the one who everyone says has anger issues. You ever thought about buyin' some wind chimes and learnin' to meditate, Goody Sunset?"
"ARRRRRRRRGGGHHH! That game bucking CHEATS! It's buggier than a bucking changeling hive!"
Human Sunset looked at Twilight. "Does she always talk that way?"
Twilight shrugged. "She takes gaming seriously."
Pony Sunset explained, "When I took your place, your parents said you were really into computers. I tried to learn as fast as I could, but...gaming was all that seemed to really stick in a hurry. I thought, if I'm impersonating you, Gamer Girl Sunset looks better than no computer skills at all."
Human Sunset grinned. "Babe, I'm not just some gamer girl." She got up off the couch and grabbed a wireless keyboard. "Let the master show you how it's done." She rapidly clicked and clacked the keys.
Twilight asked, "Do you feel ok? I mean, she beat you eighteen games in a row. I know gaming means a lot to you."
Pony Sunset replied, "Well...at least I think we can get all As in our computer classes now...if she shows up to take the tests for us. That's one human world skill I've never been very good at."
On the television screen, computer code text flashed past.
"So...can we go back to the game? I think I can beat you next time, maybe."
"No fucking way. I'm winning the REAL game here, babe." Human Sunset pointed at the screen. "See this? Here's the hitbox code that keeps fucking you in the ass. This game is programmed to ignore half your missile strikes ON PURPOSE."
Pony Sunset frowned. "Why the buck would it be programmed to do THAT? Don't they want people to ENJOY their game?"
Human Sunset studied the screen's fine print. "Huh. It auto-connects to a special server on the Internet..." A new window appeared on the screen's far right side. "The game even watches your tantrums through the webcam...and an AI scores your tantrums on how angry you get? It's like they WANT you to get angry. The game's code feeds your negative reactions into the remote server."
Twilight ran up to the television and scrutinized the code. "Why would they do something like that?"
"I don't know, babes. But I've traced the connection to an address across town. We should go have a look-see."
***
In a poorly lit parking lot, a Sunset whispered, "If anyone so much as SCRATCHES Celestia's car..."
"Yeah? Then what?"
Twilight said, "Shut up, you two. We have research to do."
Pony Sunset asked, "Is that what you call breaking and entering?"
"So call it gathering information," human Sunset said. "I guess that sounds better to someone like you than 'let's fuck shit up.'"
Pony Sunset sighed. "Why are both of you such delinquents?"
"Hay," Twilight whispered, "you're only a delinquent if you get caught."
"I felt that," human Sunset said. "I am BURNED. Nerd-burned."
"I'll just wait out here in the parking lot. Assuming no one stabs me to death before you two come back."
***
Inside the warehouse, three young women with only minor, vestigal gills and fins sat around a table, gloating over their evil plan.
An orange-haired woman said, "This is better than I ever hoped. It's sure lucky one of us turned out to be an idiot savant for computers."
A blue haired-girl whined, "Don't call me an idiot, Adagio! It's not nice!"
A woman with purple pigtails whacked her blue-haired companion on the head. "It's a COMPLIMENT, you moron. It means you're good at computers."
The blue-haired girl whined, "I'm not STUPID. I KNOW idiot isn't a compliment."
Adagio stood up and walked around the table, putting her hand on the blue-haired girl's shoulder. "As far as I'm concerned, Sonata, you're a GENIUS. Programming all our games to generate and harvest gamers' frustration and rage, and uploading it to our secret base here. And we make so much money selling our games, too! We have more money AND power than ever before!"
The front of a soft drinks vending machine blew out, exposing two high school students who'd secretly climbed inside. "Take that, Pepsi!" Twilight shouted as soda sprayed into the air. "Coca Cola or NOTHING!"
Sonata complained, "Hey! Doctor Pepper AND Mountain Dew are both perfectly good hacker beverages! You dork!"
Twilight's mouth opened. "Ok, you've got a point. But when it comes to the Pepsi versus Coke rivalry--"
"Would the two of you shut up?" Adagio screeched. She pulled a cut-down AK-47 out of her cleavage. Maybe being secretly fish-shaped somewhere inside her dress helped? "This is our chance to finally use the machine guns we bought! And because we're defending our business from terrorists, every bullet we shoot is tax deductible!" She fired some shots up into the air.
Twilight whispered to Sunset, "This is GREAT. Amateurs who get excited often forget all about aiming." She shouted, "Robot snipers go!"
Sonata looked at the glowing red dots on her friends' foreheads. "Adagio? Aria? Someone's playing with laser pointers."
Adagio looked at her two co-conspirators. "Fuck! They've got us in their sights!" She sighed dramatically at the two teenagers inside the soda machine. "Ok, what do you want?"
Twilight gave Adagio an innocent look. "So we aren't just terrorists?"
"I know you must want something, or you would have killed us already. So what is it?"
Twilight gave it some thought. "I want a secret switch I can use in any of your games, so I can turn rage mode off when my girlfriend plays. Because I worry about my girlfriend's blood pressure. If you give her a heart attack, I really WILL kill you."
Adagio turned to Sonata. "Can we do that?"
Sonata shrugged. "Sure. If that's what they want. But if they're the people who hacked us, offer them jobs working for us. I'm sure they could help out with something." She smiled at the teenagers in the vending machine. "I'll see if I can hack the rage mode camera monitors to always estimate blood pressure, too, and dial back the rage just enough to keep people from getting heart attacks. I don't want our customers to die before they can buy more games from us."
Twilight nodded. "Secret switch to turn rage mode off, AND always-on blood pressure estimation and management. In the long run, that helps both of us. Deal?"
Sonata glanced at Adagio.
Adagio said, "Deal!" She purred, "Now about those job offers..."
***
Standing in the parking lot, leaning against Principal Celestia's car, Sunset nervously tapped one foot.
"Good news!" Twilight enthused. "We've both got jobs working for Dazzling Games! Part time consulting work for me and O-Sunset both!"
"O-Sunset?"
"Original Human Sunset. Or OG Sunset, whichever."
Wounded Sunset sighed. "That's great, I guess. But is my game still going to cheat when I hit things?"
"Sonata's working on that problem already!" Twilight talked cheerfully about the new features to be added to all the Dazzling Games software.
Wounded Sunset said, "That's wonderful, ladies. but let's all go home."
***
In the principal's office, Principal Celestia asked, "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Wounded Sunset sighed. "I'm very sorry about stealing your car, Principal Celestia. I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again."
Celestia leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. She raised her eyebrows.
Sunset clutched at her arm. "Ow. This still hurts. I think I hit it on something again a minute ago."
Celestia took a deep breath. "'I'll TRY to make sure it doesn't happen again?' What does THAT mean?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Celestia leaned forward, grasped Sunset's wrist, and gently pulled on Sunset's arm. She unwrapped the bandage, and inspected the wound. "This looks real, Miss Shimmer."
"It IS real."
"But we also have a Sunset Shimmer wandering around the campus who does NOT have an arm wound. Isn't that interesting? Wouldn't you like to offer an explanation, Sunset?"
***
In another wing of the school, Pinkie Pie's hair vibrated. "Told you!" she cheered. "Hooray for our Sunset! As opposed to any other Sunset."
Cranky Doodle glowered at her. "But about that math problem."
"Forty-two?" Pinkie asked.
***
Three teenage girls stood in a parking lot next to Sunset's apartment.
"So everything worked out great!" Twilight said. "O-Sunset got out of prison three days ago, and she's already found a responsible role in society! And as long as she stays off campus for the rest of this week, she'll get credit for serving her suspension from school!"
Pony Sunset asked, "So...what IS this responsible role in society? It seems like whenever I ask about her new job, I never get a clear answer."
O-Sunset smiled. "You're better off not knowing. But if I get caught, Dazzling Games can pay for MUCH better lawyers than I had the LAST time I got caught doing something."
"There's one thing still on my to-do list," Twilight said. "Sunset, you're a very beautiful woman. And O-Sunset, you're pretty hot in your own way. Wouldn't it be VERY sexy, if the two of you kissed?"
Human Sunset snorted. "I wouldn't kiss her if you paid me to. She's a goody-goody little snob."
"Well, I wouldn't kiss YOU if I wanted to catch a disease. Which might happen."
"Go fuck yourself!"
"Go take a long bike ride off a short pier!"
Human Sunset sneered. "Good thing I've got this cool new bike, so I can get away from YOU." She tromped over to the powerful new motorcycle Twilight had been working on.
"Wait!" Twilight said. "If you care about my feelings, don't ride that yet! I have to fix a few things first!"
"If it runs, Sunset rides." Human Sunset straddled the bike and stomped the starter pedal.
One very loud noise later, Pony Sunset and Twilight both stared at a cloud of smoke. As the smoke and dust blew away, Pony Sunset asked, "Where is she?"
"Do you remember that little bomb I was talking about a few days ago?"
"Yes?" Sunset laughed. She stepped closer to Twilight, and hugged her tightly. "You did it! You really did it! You DO love me more than you love her!"
"Of course I do! Did you ever doubt it?"
Silently, inside her own head, Twilight imagined whole new combinations of vulgarities and profanities she'd never before tried. She said to herself: Well, there went my big chance. I totally blew it. Now I'll NEVER have two Sunsets at the same time, and be able to say, 'Now kiss each other!' and make them do it.
Enfolded in pony Sunset's arms, Twilight thought for a mimute.
"Sunset?" she asked. "The Canterlot Statue Portal connects to a parallel world, right? Where everyone is a pony?"
"Sure. I already explained how that works."
Twilight fluttered her eyelashes at Sunset. "But how does it REALLY work? Is there a general theory behind it? Is there only ONE parallel universe, or in theory are there MORE?
Sunset sighed. "I know you better than you think I do. I already know what you're thinking."
"You do?" Twilight asked.
"You're just such an adorable little genius, so full of curiosity. You want to understand absolutely EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING."
"Yes," Twilight agreed. "You can see right through me, Sunset Shimmer."
"I know what gets you excited, Twilight," Sunset whispered in her girlfriend's ear. "I have some OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS inside. They're on day THREE of the THREE DAY GRACE PERIOD. If I don't return them TONIGHT, there's going to be some FINES."
Twilight melted. She thought, This Sunset's pretty good all by herself.
Author's Note
"Пожалуйста, не убивайте мою семью" translates roughly as "Please don't kill my family."
