So Twilight, why don't you have any guards?

by Autistic Witch

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2820

Sunset asks Twilight why she doesn't have anypony guarding her castle.

We've all had this question since Twilight became a princess. Why doesn't she have any guards. It would seem like a smart idea to have them around, even if they're just there to look pretty. Well, Sunset's gonna be the audience stand in for us today.

Published 2021-10-27 23:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-08 11:23:22 UTC

Wanna have tea?

Princess Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight Sparkle were enjoying tea together in Twilight’s old crystal castle. Trixie, Starlight, and Sunburst were out doing throuple stuff, and Spike was back in Canterlot doing Spike stuff. This left Twilight and Sunset alone, completely alone. There were no guards or servants anywhere in the castle. There were never any guards or servants in the castle as far as Sunset could remember. She had even asked Starlight, and she said Twilight had never had any guards.

“Hey, Twi.”, Sunset asked.

“What is it Sunset?”

“Why don’t you have any guards guarding the castle?”

“Canterlot Castle is guarded by the entire royal guard, Sunset.”

“No, I mean this castle. You’ve never had guards here. Even when this was your primary residence.”

“I never needed guards.”

“Twi, even Sparky and I have royal guards, and we live on the other side of the portal, where nobody but our family knows that we are royalty. Granted, our guard only consists of the other girls, but they still act as our elite guard. You live in this world, where everycreature and their dog knows who you are, and you had a fair bit of creatures that would’ve loved to be able to claim that they were the destroyers of the Twilight. I was one of them for a while. You lived here for almost a full year. Why didn’t you ever get any security?”

“The castle itself acts as its own security.”

“What?”

“Here, I’ll explain.” Twilight cleared her throat and began speaking in her college lecturer voice. “The castle is aware of itself and who’s in it. The castle has the ability to move rooms and hallways around as it sees fit. If you live here or are a welcomed guest, the castle can make it easier for you to find the room you’re looking for. If you are an unwelcome visitor or someone with ill intent, the castle can make you go in circles without ever realizing it. Combine that with all the hallways looking the same, you could be driven mad.”

“Then how did Starlight get to the throne room? How did she get past your castle security?”

“She used a spell to make herself invisible to the castle, but it took her, I think she said three, three times to figure out what was happening and another three hours to make it to the throne room once she used the spell.”

“Then, what about Chrysalis and her changelings?”

“Chrysalis’s changelings took us outside of the castle and read our minds. So, they knew the castle's defences and how to avoid them. They apparently used a similar spell to Starlight to make the castle think they were us.”

“That is - actually ingenious.”, Sunset said with a little sparkle in her eye.

“He he he, yeah, I know. I love this castle. Wanna hear the story of the first night Spike and I spent here. The castle was still learning who we were, and how to use its abilities.”, Twilight said with a cheesy yet somewhat traumatised smile.

“Oh, I always love a good story.”

*Flashback*

Twilight was tossing and turning in bed. She’d always had trouble sleeping in new places. Finally, Twilight conceded defeat, got out of bed, and went down to the kitchen to get herself a glass of warm milk, or at least that’s what she tried to do. Twilight went down the stairs she knew lead to the kitchen, but she somehow ended up in an empty room.

“That’s not right.”

Twilight retraced her steps back to her room, or at least she tried to. When she arrived at what should've been her room, Twilight found herself in the entryway.

“What is going on?”, Twilight said, panicked. Twilight ran up the stairs that led to the residential part of the castle and down the hallway that led to her room. Twilight burst through the door to her bedroom and found herself in the kitchen. Twilight took a moment to calm herself. She walked over to the fridge and got herself the glass of milk that was her original goal. After downing the warm milk, Twilight was left wondering what was going on.

“Okay, so I tried to get to the kitchen, and I ended up in an empty room. I tried to get to my room, and I ended up in the entryway. When I tried to get to my room again, I ended up in the kitchen. Let’s see, what kind of spells or spell casters could do this kind of magic. Chrysalis might have spells that could do this. Changeling hives are said to be winding and confusing as their primary defence. It would make sense for them to have spells to aid in that.” Twilight looked around and cast a spell designed to detect changelings. There was nothing. The only other magic Twilight could think of was Celestia’s special manipulation spells, but those were used as security measures in the castle. That’s when it hit Twilight. “This could be this castle’s security. Is that what this is? I’m not a threat, castle. Can you please let me go back to my room?” The castle didn’t give a response. Twilight got up and began walking the path to her room. Hopefully, this time, it will actually lead her to her room. Twilight made tentative steps to her room. One slow, careful step after another, Twilight made her way back up to her room. As Twilight approached her door, she gingerly raised a hoof up and opened it. As she opened the door, Twilight closed her eyes, not daring to open them in fear of having ended up in some other random room in the castle. As the door fully opened, Twilight slowly opened one eye and then the other. To her utter joy, she was in her room. Twilight ran up to and jumped onto her bed, hugging it as if it was a long lost lover.

“Twilight, what’s all that noise about?”, Spike asked grogally.

“It can wait until the morning, Spike.”

So Twilight, why don't you have any guards? remastered

Author's Note

So, it's been almost two years since I've first written this story, and I've written many more stories since then. Let's see how much I've improved.

So Twilight, why don't you have any guards? remastered

It has been several years since Princess Twilight Sparkle succeeded Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. In that time, Equestria has been at peace. There haven't been any major crises or threats to public safety. The same couldn’t be said about the human world. More and more Equestrian magic and artifacts have been popping up. This has forced the Rainbooms into more and more battles. The way most of these battles ended was the girls focusing their power through Sunset. Each time that happened, more and more of each of their magic was left inside Sunset. With the bits of alicorn magic each of them received from the Element of magic, the magic of the three tribes inside Sunset eventually reached a level where she transformed into an alicorn, and Princess Sunset Shimmer was born. They weren’t entirely sure what differences resulted in her becoming a true alicorn and not a pseudo-alicorn like Princess Twilight Shimmer, but the current reigning theory is that Twilight Shimmer isn’t a true pony, so she could never be a true alicorn.

Human world drama aside, ruling over Equestria has left Twilight Sparkle little time to visit her old home in Ponyville. She may have only lived in the Castle of Friendship for a few years, but she created so many fond memories in it, and the mirror portal is still kept there. Given that it’s one of only a few ways they have to travel between the worlds and the massive security risk it can pose, Twilight Sparkles has elected to keep it out of Canterlot Castle, which is at much greater risk of being destroyed… again. The public only knows the Castle of Friendship as the princess’ old/vacation home, the secondary meeting place of the Council of Friendship, and the residence of the headmare and vice headmare of the School of Friendship. In other words, it’s not seen as politically important or a place where valuable artifacts would be kept. Even still…

“Hey, Twi.”, Sunset said. It was a rare treat for her to be able to meet with her old friend. With her day job and “superhero work”, as Pinkie calls it, she’s barely had time to socialize outside of her core group. That’s why none of the others were there. They all had work, family, or whatnot that needed their attention more, but they had managed to convince Sunset to take this opportunity to meet with the mare that, in all honesty, saved her life.

“What is it, Sunset?”

“Why don’t you have any guards guarding the castle?”

“Canterlot Castle is guarded by the entire royal guard, Sunset.”

“No, I mean this castle. You’ve never had guards here, even when this was your primary residence.”

“I’ve never needed guards.”

“Twi, even Sparky and I have royal guards, and we live on the other side of the portal, where nobody but our family knows that we’re royalty. Granted, our guard only consists of the other girls, but they still act as our elite guard. You live in this world, where everycreature and their dog knows who you are, and there have been a fair amount of creatures that would’ve loved to be able to claim that they were the destroyers of the Twilight. I was one of them for a while. You lived here all the way up until your coronation as monarch. Why didn’t you ever get any security?”

“The castle itself acts as its own security.”, Twilight said while gesturing a wide arch with her hoof, as if to show off the castle.

“What?”, Sunset asked confusedly.

“Here, I’ll explain.” Twilight cleared her throat and began speaking in her college lecturer voice. “The castle is aware of itself and who’s in it. It has the ability to move rooms and hallways around as it sees fit. If you live here or are a welcomed guest, the castle can make it easier for you to find the room you’re looking for. If you are an unwelcome visitor or someone with ill intent, it can make you go in circles without ever realizing it. Combine that with all the hallways looking the same, and you could be driven mad.”

“Then how did Starlight get to the throne room? How did she get past the rooms moving themselves around?”

“She used a spell to make herself invisible to the castle, but it took her, I think she said three, three times of ending up back outside to figure out what was happening and another three hours to make it to the throne room once she used the spell.”

“Then, what about Chrysalis and her changelings?”

“Chrysalis’s changelings took us outside of the castle and read our minds. So, they knew the castle's defenses and how to avoid them. They apparently used a spell similar to the one Starlight used to make the castle think they were us.”

“That’s… actually ingenious.”, Sunset said with a little sparkle in her eye. “With the changelings being good now, unless they’re a genius on our level, no one’s getting anywhere important.”

“Heheheh, yeah, I know. I love this castle. Wanna hear the story of the first night Spike and I spent here. The castle was still learning who we were, and how to use its abilities.”, Twilight said with a cheesy yet somewhat traumatized smile.

“Oh, I always love a good story.”

*Flashback*

Twilight tossed and turned in her bed. She’d always had trouble sleeping in new places. This was no different. The familiar and comforting smell of oak was gone, the moonlight came in through the new windows and reflected around the room differently, and the bed didn’t smell like her. It felt more like a hotel than a home.

Finally, she conceded defeat. She wasn’t going to sleep without some help. She got out of bed and, at least no longer having to worry about waking Spike, trotted down to the kitchen to get herself a glass of warm milk, or at least that’s what she tried to do. Twilight went down the stairs, down the hall, and through the door she knew led to the kitchen but somehow ended up in an empty room.

“That’s not right.”

She retraced her steps back to her room, or at least she tried to. When she arrived at what should've been her room, Twilight found herself in the entryway.

“Okay, I know I’m not misremembering where I just came from. I don’t do that. I’m Twilight Sparkle; my memory is perfect. I know Tirek never hit me that hard.”

At least she was in the entryway. She definitely knew how to get from the entryway to her room. Up the stairs, down the hall past seven doors, take a left, past three more doors, and my room is here. Twilight opened what should’ve been her door but found herself in the basement.

“But I went up the stairs?!” She turned to look back at where she came, but only saw the bottom of the basement stairs.

“What is going on?” Twilight ran up the stairs and then up the stairs that led to the residential part of the castle and down the hallway that had to lead to her room. She burst through the door that should be her bedroom door but found herself in the kitchen.

Twilight took a moment to calm herself. At least she was at her original destination. She walked over to the fridge to finally get herself the glass of milk and heated it up with her magic. After downing the warm milk, she was left to wonder what was going on. Okay, clear mind, clear plan, clear actions.

“Okay, so, I tried to get to the kitchen, and I ended up in an empty room. I tried to get to my room, and I ended up in the entryway. I tried again and ended up in the basement. I tried a third time to get to my room again, I ended up in the kitchen. Let’s see, what kind of spells or spell casters could do this kind of magic?” Twilight went from scared and confused to irritated as a certain all powerful prankster came to mind.

“Discord! This isn’t funny! Stop your shenanigans this instant!” Twilight paused and looked around for where he’d pop out. “I’ll tell Fluttershy you’re being mean!”, she called out when he didn’t show. Still, even with that threat, there was no draconequus to be seen. There was no way he’d go this long without claiming a prank as his. “So, not him. Who else then?”

“Chrysalis might have spells that could do this. Changeling hives are said to be winding and confusing as their primary defense. It would make sense for them to have spells to aid in that.” Twilight looked around and casted a spell designed to detect changelings. There was nothing.

The only other magic she could think of was Celestia’s spatial manipulation spells, but those were used as security measures in Canterlot Castle and other high security buildings. That’s when it hit her. “This could be this castle’s security. Is that what this is?”

“I’m not a threat, castle! Can you please let me go back to my room?!”

The castle didn’t give any sign of a response.

She got up and began walking the path to her room. Hopefully, this time, it will actually lead to her room. Twilight made tentative steps to her room. One slow, careful step after another, making 100% sure she wasn’t just getting lost. As Twilight approached her door, she gingerly raised a hoof up and opened it. As she opened the door, she closed her eyes, not daring to open them in fear of having ended up in some other random room in the castle. As the door fully opened, she slowly opened one eye and then the other. To her utter joy, it was her room. Twilight ran up to and jumped onto her bed, hugging it as if it was a long lost lover.

“Twilight, what’s all that noise about?”, Spike asked groggily. The small dragon was standing at the door with his blanket in claw, rubbing one of his eyes.

“It can wait until the morning, Spike. Go back to bed.”, Twilight said in a calming tone. Hoping she didn’t too badly disrupt his sleep schedule.

With a grumpy look in his eye, Spike stopped back to his room.

Twilight used her magic to quietly close her door and then snuggled into her blankets. Wait, is he going to get lost?