Fascinating Creatures and How Not to Get Killed by Them

by iAmSiNnEr

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2080

Your guidebook to the creatures of Equestria!

If you wish to explore Equestria - you'll need this guidebook. It details all the creatures you'll most likely meet on your adventures, and the rarest ones too! This is Fascinating Creatures and How Not to Get Killed by Them.

Written by: Some newt that waves a stick around and mumbles weird words
Cowritten by: Fluttershy

Inspiration taken from that one book where a newt who waves a stick around to shoot lights into the air went around some world where there are witches and gathered all the information for a book detailing some monsters and creatures so you don't get killed by them.

This is meant as a joke - so if you want the shitpost part of it skip all the legit ones about the dragons and whatnot.

Published 2021-10-28 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-10-28 14:20:01 UTC

Foreword

Hi everypony, this is, um, Fluttershy. You know, the, um, Element of Kindness? squeaks in nervousness This is recording, right? Good, good. Uhh...I would like to thank Discord for all his help with the book, and that disembodied voice who requested my help.

Yeah, so this is a guidebook for the creatures of Equestria. Don't worry, you guys don't know me at all. I'm not famous or anything in another world. Don't worry about it.

Psawh. Start the book, already, reader! Flip the page!

Alicorns

Alicorns

Species: equus cornu et alis
Danger Level: 99/10

Description: Pony with horn and wings.

Alicorns are currently the most powerful creatures in Equestria. Able to level cities with their magic, they can cast spells of impossible dimensions. Do NOT anger one. You'll find yourself in Tartarus or twenty thousand feet in the air.

As of this moment, there are only five alicorns. The Alicorn of the Sun, the Alicorn of the Night, the Alicorn of Friendship, the Alicorn of Love, and an alicorn baby that was born of the Alicorn of Love.

Sporting both wings and a horn, they are a mix of all three pony tribes; the earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. Commonly regarded as a symbol of regalness and royalty, all of them are princesses and have a part in ruling the land. Be sure to treat them with respect, and not fanboy/fangirl over them, and they'll treat you with respect right back. After all, they're still ponies inside. They just look intimidating.

Applejack

Applejack

Species: verum vera machina
Danger Level: 8/10

Description: Orange earth pony with blonde tail and mane.

Applejack dislikes lies. That is the truth. Do NOT tell a lie with her around, she is very much a lie detector.

Applejack is known for being the Element of Honesty, and also the owner of Apple Farms. She runs it with her brother, Big Mac.

Do not attempt to steal her apples. Instead, walk up to her and request one. If you're new, she will gladly give you an apple or two for free, as long as you're honest enough with her.

She is also hopelessly in love with a certain rainbow-maned pegasus.

This particular farm pony can never take a break, and works tirelessly. If you need anything built, or basically anything that requires brute force or strength, go to the Applejack. She'll help you readily enough, along with her gigantic family.

Draconequui

Draconequui

Species: quidam tenebrarum res quae nos omnes dies aliquot interficere
Danger Level: Discord/10

Description: A weird mismatch of creatures all in one.

Currently, there is only one draconequus that exists in Equestria. Known for having tried to take over Equestria several time, a draconequus is capable of mass chaos and able to manipulate time and space itself. They have an innate knowledge of the universe, and is scared of nothing but Harmony herself.

With a snap of their claws/hands, they can alter reality at will, so you should make sure not to get on their bad side. At the moment, the only draconequus in existence is extremely protective of a certain Element of Kindness, so as long as you treat her well you should be fine.

Fluttershy

Fluttershy

*squeaks nervously* How did a picture of me get in here? No no no no this wasn't part of the agreement why am I being written about-

Species: vere genus equi amantem animalibus
Danger Level: 10/10

Description: Yellow-colored pegasus with pink mane and tail.

Fluttershy is a conundrum that needs days to figure out. She is extremely shy, and yet is known for being a national hero. She is extremely afraid of the dark and a lot of things that are scary to her, and yet lives next to the Everfree Forest. That second one might be explainable, she loves animals.

Honestly, there's almost no way you can piss this one off. However, the reason why her danger levels are so high is because of one of her particular abilities. When sufficiently annoyed enough, she will use the Stare, which forces most ponies or animals to follow her command. This is arguably mind control, even if the princesses assure me she uses no magic in this process.

Currently operating an animal sanctuary for the ill and injured, she spends her days taking care of animals. The only way you can actually piss her off is if you hurt her friends or her animals, otherwise she's normally very nice and kind. I mean, it goes with the territory of being the Element of Kindness.

However, she is very shy. Do caution how you approach her, so that you won't scare her away. Known ways to calm her down is to have tea with her, or bring some kind of animal with you. The second one is more recommended.

Additional Information: Currently dating the Lord of Chaos - be careful.

Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie

Species: non prope habet pinkie sensu
Description: Pink earth pony with bubblegum like mane and tail
Danger Level: ???/10

DO NOT APPROACH UNLESS YOU WISH TO HAVE DEATH BY DIABETES

Additional Information: Is the Element of Laughter. Will throw you a party if you come to Ponyville. Her parties are very recommended.

Rainbow Dash

Species: quae celeritas fines frangit et tamen non cops captus
Danger Level: Rainbow Danger Dash/10

Description: Aqua pegasus with a prismatic mane and tail.

Rainbow Dash is yet another one-of-a-kind species of pony. She is brave, brash, and is always there for her friends whenever they need her. According to sources, she has several middle names, and is known for bragging a lot.

Of course, she does get angry too. If you call her a nerd, or a bookworm, she will vehemently deny it and then make sure she finds all sorts of ways to deny everything you called her.

Currently the fastest pony in Equestria, she will stop at nothing to beat anyone who tries to outspeed her. You've been warned. And yes, she does break the sound barrier. Also, she gives the pegasi a bad name.

Additional Information: Rainbow Dash is the Element of Loyalty, and is currently dating the Element of Honesty.

Yaks

Yaks

Species: qui confringet nimis
Danger Level: 7/10

Description: I can't even describe this wooly menace

Warning: Yaks love to smash. Do NOT insult them in any way, or you might find yourself at the end of a hoof trying to smash you.

Additional Information: I am not allowed to write this chapter under the threat of being smashed by Prince Rutherford. Please send the flowers to Canterlot Hospital.

Author's Note

And we've come to the end! If you want more creatures - like the kirins or Princess Celestia, do leave a comment below! I might consider writing more lol

Changelings

Changelings

Species: shapeshifters qui cogitant chrysallidem sugit quod illa non iam regina
Danger Level: ???/10

Description: Bug-like pony with transparent wings and horn. Used to be black only, but now are different colors.

Changelings are shapeshifters. They can turn into any species with a flick of their horn, and trick you into thinking that they are one of your loved ones. Previously, they used to steal love from ponies by turning into one of your loved ones and then living with you after kidnapping said loved one. Primary food source is love, yes.

However, after a coup assisted by certain unicorns, a changeling convinced them they could share love instead of taking love, and they shed away their black carapace to become their now colorful selves. Their old queen is currently stone, turned into that by the Elements of Harmony.

Their true intentions are just to make friends, but they are still very confusing. New to being friends with ponies, they tend to do weird stuff. Though, they are fun-loving and can appreciate the odd prank now and then. Though...don't try pranking the changeling Captain of the Guard.

Additional Information: For some reason all of their names are related to insects why

Dragons

Dragons

Species: aliquid lacertae quae spirat ignem
Danger Level: 8/10

Description: Dragons come in all shapes and sizes, although they're generally just a smidge bigger than the average pony in Equestria. Standing up, of course. Baby dragons go down to about half the height of average ponies, and do not have their wings yet.

Dragons live in the Dragon Lair, marked out on the map of Equestria by the caption "Here be Dragons". Refer to Foreword if you require a map of Equestria, it's found there. In Equestria, the dragons are not carnivorous, so you don't need to be afraid of one eating you. However, they do have teeth and jaws strong enough to chomp down on precious gems, so I'd caution you to be wary of that.

Dragons here grow at a slower rate, and their ruling system consists of one monarch: The Dragon Lord. Be warned, though, she doesn't take jokes very well.

Do NOT let any dragon you know accumulate a hoard. Doing so will cause them to swell to gigantic proportions out of greed, and cause them to go into a greed-induced rage, seeking all the possessions within stomping distance.

The dragons may have a peace treaty with the ruling government of Equestria, but you'll still need to watch what you say to them. After all, they do breathe fire from time to time, and I'm sure you don't want to be crispy barbeque!

Rarity

Rarity

Species: marshmallow equi
Danger Level: 6/10

Description: Marshmallow unicorn with an indigo mane

Rarity is also a one-of-a-kind species. There has never been a creature as unique as her, and she does it all while still looking fashionably elegant. In her words, of course. Known mainly for being the Element of Generosity, she runs a boutique in Canterlot and Ponyville, designing dresses.

Rarity is also known for being an extremely proud pony, refusing to let her own image be tarnished. Unless, of course, it's for her friends.

To avoid getting on her bad side, when you are ordering any kind of clothing from her, do NOT micromanage whatever you are commissioning. She knows best. Don't try it. Also, she is very protective of her sister - do not attempt to try anything with another marshmallow pony.

She has also been known to yeet a prince out of the window for insulting her. The princess turned a blind eye, so you can expect that if she yeets you out of the window too, you won't be able to seek justice. It'll just be your own fault, and you're going to have to pay your own medical bills.

Additional Information: She is very self-conscious about her appearance - do not attempt to touch her mane.

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight Sparkle

Species: alicorn potens cui omne ius potens est
Danger Level: 9/10

Description: An alicorn with a lavender coat, two purple wings, and an indigo-colored tail.

Twilight Sparkle is one of a kind pony species. She is known as the "Princess of Friendship", and is currently the ruler of Equestria. Very OCD, and can get very obsessive over certain details and matters. However, if you give her a boop, she'll calm right down.

Known for being a nerd, Twilight Sparkle is a veritable horde of knowledge and information. She is commonly found in the Canterlot Library or the Canterlot Court.

Warning; steer away from her if you have an overdue library book. She will hunt you down and make sure you return that book post-haste. This is very serious. Seriously. Return that book now.

According to sources, she seems to have saved Equestria multiple times, and is hailed as a national hero. This is most likely how Twilight Sparkle became a princess of the country, and eventually the ruler of it. She is known as the "Element of Magic", and tends to blush whenever asked about this. She also has a verb named after her - "Twilighting".

Be careful, though. When she goes "Twilynanas", as is commonly referred, she is a force of nature and cannot be stopped. Twilight Sparkle as of this moment has already destroyed three villains because of that. Do not be the target of one of her "Twilynanas" rages.

Extra Information: She is currently dating the Alicorn of the Night, Princess Luna. More info on this species in one of the next few chapters.