Old Yee Yee Ass Fever Dream

by IAmAVeryRealPerson

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Crossover, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Drama, Second Person, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1144

It's just a dream, right?

A distant memory interrupts a peaceful dreaming session. What will happen?

Based on a script I wrote in January of 2021.

Published 2021-11-03 07:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-03 07:40:01 UTC

January

You (just yourself), are sitting on a fancy styled chair on top of a large blanket of clouds, high in the sky. Unknowingly, a clone of yourself appears infront of you out of nowhere.

"Wassup, can a loc come up in yo crib?" your clone asks you.

"Man fuck you, I'll see you at work." you answer.

Unbeknownst to you, this entire interaction is entirely scripted from a second of brain power. All because this all feels too real. Even when things that can't be explained happen.

You stare at your clone with dominance as they transform into a dining table. Suddenly, you're now on a date with Rainbow Dash. She looks to be well groomed, and even sort of polite in a way. You don't question why you're on a date and watching the sun set because you don't notice anything change, and because this is a dream. So, it's all just perfectly normal.

"It sure is a nice sunset, isn't it?" she says.

"Yeah, sure is." you reply back.

"So, tell me about yourself. Tell me things that I don't know about you."

"Well, I have killed a man. Actually, I've killed 3 people during my lifetime."

You both sit there in silence at your comment. But you only stay silent for her reaction. Then, she finally reacts;

"That's... uh, nice... I guess."

You don't acknowledge the fact that you're talking about an uncomfortable topic. But you still go on about it anyway.

"Yes, it is. Fuckin' exciting. Got a chance to murder the people I hate."

"Uh huh..."

"But enough about me. What about what you never told me?"

She starts talking a bit slow and weak sounding, almost like Fluttershy.

"Well... I've kind of been thinking about you a lot lately, and..."

You sit there in your chair dumbfounded because you don't even know what's about to happen.

"Well, I kinda... y'know, like, have had stronger feelings about you lately. But y'know, You're waaaayyy out of my league."

You stare at her.

"But maybe we can... y'know, work our way through that and, well, be closer together."

Then, your clone appears once again, only this time they're behind you. The mare across the table sees your clone. Your clone walks towards Rainbow's right side as they say;

"Ah, n*gga don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful n*gga."

She starts being confused as your clone starts roasting her out of nowhere.

"Maybe if you got rid of that old yee yee ass haircut you got, you'd get some bitches on yo dick." your clone says while making gestures at the now scared Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, better yet, maybe Tanisha'll call yo dog ass if she'll ever stop fuckin' with that brain surgeon or lawyer she fuckin' with." your clone says as they start walking away.

Then, your clone's neck turns 180 degrees like an owl, and opens their mouth to a 90 degree angle like a snake. Without moving their jaw, your clone finishes with one last remark;

"N**ggaa..."

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Rainbow yells.

"Don't worry about them."

"But that was you?"

"No. That's me."

She's now questioning what you said. You know because she starts looking hella confused. Then says;

"Who? What?"

"Yes." you just say.

"Uhhhh... anyways." she says, wanting to continue from where she left of.

Then, a small black box appears in her hooves.

"I just wanted to finally ask you." she slowly opens the box.

You finally realize what's going on and what she's going to do.

"Will you... marry me?"

You stare wide-eyed looking at the ring. You look up to look at her, she has a light-hearted smile.

"U-"

Before you can answer, your clone appears once again, this time squating on the dining table, facing your new fiancé.

"N**ggaa..."

Your clone chants before raising both their arms straight up, parallel to their shoulders, forming a sort of T pose. Then, the table that was once your first interaction with your clone's transformation, transforms back into your first clone. So now, there's two of them, one on top of the other.

"N**ggaa..."

The table clone chants and grabs the T posing clone, pulling them into themself. Then, their combined power causes them to expand into a greater being. Much greater, that the world around you and Rainbow begins to disappear into more power for your clone, except for your chair. You and soon to be Mrs. Rainbow Dash now fall through the floor. You and your chair start to hover in the middle of nothing.

You seem to have been saved by your chair, but Rainbow Dash on the other hoof, falls face first onto an invisible floor. She stays there motionless, probably dead, while you stare at her unconscious body in disbelief.

"Well shit..."

Out of nowhere a strong gust of wind begins, from a pile of smoke, your more powerful clone of yourself appears.

"Is this what you wished for, Mortal?" they ask from you.

"No. I never asked for any of this." you answer.

"And that's just the problem, isn't it? Is this what it means to never be there for anyone? Having them there for you, only to be taken as nothing important? To be used as a tool? A tool that could break at any moment but you still use. If that tool of yours breaks, the broken part may hurt you in some way. You see, I gave you the chance to see the way you act in reality. And it's worse than how you see yourself to be."

"What does any of that mean?" you ask.

"It means it's time to face your punishment." they finish.

"What punishment?"

"SIT ON THE SPIKE!"

A giant pointed spike appears underneath you. Your more powerful clone starts holding an object that turns gravity on. You fall towards the giant spike at an alarming rate. With no way to escape, you finally accept your fate. Before you hit the spike, you hear a loud sound of a fart noise. Then, in the distance above you, you hear a short but powerful beginning of a laugh Then, you wake up.

"Hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm." you hear coming from yourself.

You feel a strong nudge from your chest. You quickly open your eyes to find the source of the force. You sit up from your sleeping position and look around your room, breathing strongly and find Rainbow Dash sleeping next to you. You get up from your bed and head towards your kitchen to get some cold water to drink.

Afterwards, you make your way back to your bedroom and get back on your bed. On your way, Rainbow Dash passes by you, presumably to also get water. When you get back to your bed, you say;

"Well that was terrible... Oh well."

You go back to sleep.

Author's Note

[To Be Continued]