Chapter 1View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 1What We Lose By Subsolar Drift “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The speaker above me buzzed. “Would Nurse Redheart please report to the ICU at once.” I sighed. I was still in the waiting room, empty besides me. Shaking my head, I rubbed my aching neck. Yet another sleepless night. Moving slowly, I got off the bench and to my hooves. Breathing deeply, I trudged out of the room and down the hall. My eyes stayed carefully trained on the floor, letting everything else just fade away. I didn't need to look up. I'd walked this path so much it was engraved in my mind. “You’d be surprised, Dash. I know every book in here by heart!” I shook my head and glanced up. The coffee pot. My salvation on these mornings. I grabbed the pot and poured myself a cup, adding milk and copious amounts of sugar. I slowly stirred it into the cup. “Ugghh!! I don’t know how you can drink coffee like that. You know all that sugar is horrible for you!” My vision blurred as I set my cup down. I leaned against the wall. Slowly, I focused on keeping my body from shaking. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, focusing on the feel of the scalding liquid running down my throat. I turned back towards the hall, and started the monotonous journey once again. Ponies passed me by, moving to the left or right. They were all in such a hurry. “Woah! Slow down there! You should be more careful. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” I opened the door and returned to my makeshift home. I sat down on the couch. I frowned, glancing at the calendar on the wall. Three months. It had been three months I’d been here. Since... No. I wouldn’t think about that. I couldn’t. I glanced around the sparse room, looking for something anything to distract myself. My eyes fell on the worn cover of a familiar book. A tear fought its way to the surface, resting on the edge of falling. “What’s this? Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone?” I looked up at her, questioningly. “This is the first story in the series. I own all of them.” She cutely smiled. “No thanks. I so don't read.” She frowned, confused by my words. “I'm a world-class athlete. Reading's for eggheads like you, Twilight.” I continued, trying to explain. “Heh, no offense, but I am not reading. It's undeniably, unquestionably, uncool” Her eyes betrayed her. I could tell she was hurt. My stomach clenched. I had to say that. I’m too cool for books. I couldn’t be caught reading. My heart sped up and I felt everything I had pushed down inside me building up. I collapsed down, laying spread over the couch. My body began to shake, my lungs began to heave, gasping for the air I needed. The tears followed, slowly at first, rolling down my cheeks. My gaze lingered on the book. Calm. I needed to be calm. If I stayed calm everything would be fine. I tried to hold back a wrenching sob, but it broke from my chest and echoed around the room. Celestia damn it! NO! I couldn't cry. I bit my tongue and roughly rubbed away the tears, ripping my gaze from the old tome. I was Rainbow 'Danger' Dash. Last time I checked, danger didn’t mean being all sappy. I couldn’t cry. I was calm. After several minutes, I was breathing evenly again. I closed my eyes, hoping to finally drift off. I wasn’t falling asleep. I just laid there, trying not to think. Thinking always seemed to end badly for me. Eventually, I heard hooves from the entryway and opened my eyes. Just inside the door was Pinkie, with a forced smile. She was here to try to cheer me up. Again. But something was different about her today. Her normal bouncy pink locks had deflated and straightened. She seemed to linger in the entrance, not wanting to be here. And her eyes were off. Nowadays, they’re rarely full of laughter as they used to. But today, they hid something there. She walked over to me and sat down on the couch. I strengthened the mental wall I built to hold back my tears so I wouldn’t cry again. I couldn’t cry again. Not around her. I had to be strong. Even if it was always harder with her and the others. “Hiya Dashie. Hows it going?” Pinkie tenderly asked. I walked onto the balcony on the second floor, looking down into the main room. She looked up at me as she heard my hoofsteps. Her smile brightened the room as her purple bangs framing her gorgeous face. “Morning Dash!” she called to me. I didn’t bother to look up and replied, “Fine.” I beamed back and flew down towards her, embracing her with my wings and forehooves. “Good morning there beautiful!” Here we were together. Purple and blue. “Did you get any sleep last night?” All my emotions battered against the barrier I made, struggling to get out. “Sleep well?” Her violet eyes twinkled mischievously, making my heart beat just a little faster. I grip her a little tighter, nuzzling her cheek. “No.” I whisper “I had probably the best sleep I’ve ever had. How about you my dear?” I slowed the flapping of my wings, letting my hooves come to the floor. “Have you heard anything about how she's doing?” My mental wall groaned under the pressure, cracks forming on the weaker spots. Our eyes locked and we shared that moment. We were there. We were together. She started to lean forward and I went to meet her. Our lips touched and we kissed. “No.” I broke the kiss and smiled at the love of my life. “I love you Twilight.” She grinned back at me and nuzzled my neck. “And I love you Rainbow Dash.” “Dashie...” She took my hoof in her’s. Pink next to blue. It didn’t look right. My stomach grumbled, interrupting our moment. “Sounds like you're hungry!” She giggled. My grin widened as she laughed. I loved that laugh so much. I'd give anything to hear it. “My pinkie sense was telling me something you should know.” Pinkie couldn’t meet my eyes. ‘No. No, anything but this. Please let her be wrong.’ I pleaded silently. Parts of the wall began to fall, memory and emotions flooding through. “Let's go out to breakfast!” She suggested. We walked together towards the door, down the bustling city street and on our way, reveling in each others' company. She shivered in the cool brisk morning, so I stretched my wing out over her, pulling her towards me. Our sides brushed against each other, and the cutest blush appeared her face. She stole a quick kiss from me as we continued down the sidewalk. “Rainbow.” I looked up at Pinkie, and saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. “It was a doozie. Maybe, i-it was g-good, b-but I don't know if... m-maybe she's...” A sob cut her sentence off. At that moment, my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Time stopped. I could only remember. We arrived at a small cafe, quickly grabbing a table near the window. A waitress came over to take our orders. I ordered some haycakes, and glanced over at her. Bright eyes darted over the menu flicking from item to item as she decided. She licked her lips as she imagined all the wonderful foods that she might have. It was the little things like that, that made me love her. Celestia she was so damn cute I could hardly stand it. She smiled, finally having decided, and the waiter took off. I felt forehooves wrap around me. I felt Pinkie's sobs shake my body. I felt her tears fall down my back. I felt the wall I built up begin to shake. I felt my eyes mist over. I finally felt myself start to break. The wonderful unicorn turned back towards me. Our eyes met. I gazed at the mare who saved the world. I gazed at the mare who stole my heart. I gazed at the mare I would love forever. “Dash, I-” She started to say, but I stopped her placing my hoof over her mouth. “Not a word.” I whispered. I kissed the most perfect mare in existence. I kissed the mare who gave me more happiness than anything else in my life. I kissed the mare who it was better to be with than the Wonderbolts. I kissed the mare who changed my life. I kissed the mare I would die for. I kissed my lovely wife. I couldn't stand it. It was too much. Everything, had just built up. My barrier collapsed. Memories, fond and bitter, all of her poured through me. Everything I tried to hide underneath. All the pain. All the tears. All the time alone. Every thought. Every smile. Every step. Every kiss. I turned to Pinkie and hugged her. I squeezed as hard as could, letting everything out. I couldn’t help myself. I pressed my muzzle into her chest and cried. A horrible moaning wail escaped my muzzle only to be muffled by her coat. Tears stained her coat, leaving a dark trail down her chest. I held Pinkie in my arms letting it all out. All I could do was imagine I was holding her. Waves of emotions washed through my body. Depression, anger, apathy, love, and most of all, fear. I was afraid. Afraid I would never see her again. Afraid of never being able to hold her body close to my own. Afraid that I would never wake up and see her smiling at me. Afraid that I ...I .. I would be alone. I cried and cried, letting everything out. And Pinkie, thank Celestia, was there for me. She kept me close, and whispered comforts. Finally, the tears slowed. My wall was gone, and everything I had hidden had left. I just felt empty. At last, I managed, “Pinkie?” A silence fell, only broken by our breathing. I croaked, “D-do you think she's going to... You know?” My voice was hollow and weak, barely loud enough to be heard. “Die?” The pink pony was silent, having no answer to my question. No answer was answer enough. Pinkie helped me up and over to the couch. I laid down and curled up. She sat down next to me and held my hoof. She started to sing softly, but I didn't listen. I stared at the wall. I stared at the wall, and my heart broke. “I love you Rainbow Dash.”
Chapter 2View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 2What We Lose Chapter 2 I don’t know how long I laid there for. Minutes, hours, I didn’t really care. My brain just switched off. I laid there, just breathing. I fell in and out of consciousness, but I didn’t dream. I didn’t move. I was adrift in a sea of emotions and memories. Eventually, I heard voices from around me, conversing in hushed tones. It was a quiet talk, but I could still hear. I opened my eyes and saw Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and AJ on the other side of the room. “W-well what about a-a ... a funeral?” Rarity stammered, her coat wasn’t quite it’s usual luster, patches sticking up here and there. Her eyes were red, she had been crying. “Funeral!?” AJ blurted out. Rarity shushed her, frowning as they glance over at me. She didn’t see me looking. Assuming I didn’t hear, Applejack continued is a softer tone, “Ya’ll are talkin’ like she’s dead!” “Applejack, you didn’t feel what I did.” Pinkie said, “It was a doozy, and it wasn’t a good doozy like when I found out the Cakes were having foals. No it had the taste of a lot of feelings, there was the spice of anger, the tang off loss, the salty taste of sadness, but there wasn’t the super-duper sweetness of happy. Only a bitter mess that had a bit of lavender.” The room fell silent once again, the realization of what Pinkie said sinking in. Fluttershy who had been sitting quietly next to Rarity, began to break down in tears again. Rarity rubbed her shoulder, whispering soft words to try to console her. AJ sighed, and rubbed her foreleg with a hoof. “W-what about R-rainbow D-dash?” Fluttershy managed to choke out in a whisper. The others tensed as they watched me again. I didn’t really care. How could I? There really wasn’t a point anymore. I was overwhelmed, lost in everything. Tired of everything. I closed my eyes, and returned to focusing on my breathing. “Do you think that she’ll be okay?” Fluttershy finished, even quieter. “Dashie is too sad for a party to make her happy. I want to make her smile, but I don’t know how.” “Do ya think we can trust her ta’ be alone? Ya don’t think she’d... ya know.” “Look at the poor darling! I think she need to stay with one of us. That would be for the best.” Tears came back to my eyes, and I tried to blot out the conversation. It was just too painful. All the talk about me, like I wasn’t there. Like she was already gone. I couldn’t take it. I just wanted to be home. I let myself sink into the emotions and memory, and I fell asleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I scrunched up my face, trying to stop the light from hitting my eyes. “Stupid sun.” I grumbled, muttering some choice words under my breath. I slowly propped myself up on one forehoof, and glowered at the curtain covered window. Of course, the sunlight gets through the tiny crack and hits my face. Not cool. Sometimes I swore Celestia enjoyed doing this, messing with the ponies who’d never guess she’d do it. I gave my wings a light flap to get some feeling back into them after the night, then flew over to the window and opened the curtains. Beautiful sunlight streamed in, illuminating the large room. Light fell onto the messy queen bed I just rose from, the other occupant having left earlier in the morning. I looked around at the many bookshelves around the room, covered in various works. My eyes fell on a writing desk, cluttered with papers, and on wonderbolts posters plastered to the walls. A smile grew on my face, as one did every time I saw this room. My room. Our room. It was surprising how even though I had only been living here for a few weeks, it felt more at home than my old cloud home ever did. l let myself drop to the floor, lightly landing on my hooves, walking out to the landing. I went down the stairs, looking over the banister and saw the table set and ready for breakfast, minus the food. I trotted into the kitchen, drooling at the smell of french toast and lavender, my favorite. “Hey Spike, smells great!” I said, smiling as I walked by. “Thanks Rainbow, should be ready in five minutes.” He replied, carefully returning to roasting breakfast. Perfect french toast was one of the best parts of living with a baby dragon. I grabbed two mugs off the counter and flapped back into the living room. I headed over to a little table, away from the bookshelves, that hosted our well used coffee pot. Pouring the coffee, hers black, mine with milk and sugar, I sat down at the table and took a sip, sighing happily at the sweet taste of sugar and caffeine in the morning. The front door opened, and in came Twilight with her morning mane and todays edition of ‘The Ponyville Post’. A smile lightened her tired face when she saw me, and the whole world brightened. My day never really began until I got a smile from her. She sat down next to me and shared a quick kiss. “Morning Twi!” “Good morning Dash.” “Ewww.” Chipped in a disgruntled Spike, as he brought breakfast to the table. “Oh, come on Spike! Haven’t you gotten used to it by now? Dash and I have been together for over half a year. ” She sighed, but her eyes twinkled with laughter. “You’re the one who’s always calling me a baby dragon! That means I can act the way I want.” Spike retorted, crossing his arms and sticking his nose up in the air. Twilight giggled at this, her horn glowing as she dished out the french toast. Breakfast went quickly, without incident, and the day continued on. I headed out for weather duty, and to work on some routines for my eventual Wonderbolts audition, like I did most days. Or at least that’s what Twilight thought I was doing. I had a different plan. I zipped over to the weather office, went up to my office and checked the special cloud order from Canterlot. They were due for delivery first thing after lunch. Double checking that everything was in order, a useful little habit Twi got me into, I headed out. Next stop, Carousel Boutique. I moved slower than I usually would’ve, not wanting to tire myself out before tonight. Seeing a window open, I decided to let myself in. I landed with a crash, my wing having clipped the edge of the window sill. Luckily for me, I landed on something soft. Unluckily for me, It was a dress Rarity had been working on. “Rainbow Dash! Can’t you use the door like a normal pony?” She snapped. Mumbling half-hearted apologies, I started to help her pick up the fabrics. “So Rares, do you have it?” “Oh yes! That was today wasn’t it. It slipped my mind.” She went over to a shelf, and grabbed a small box. “But here it is! I’m just so happy for you, I’m sure she’ll love it.” “Thanks, but I really have to get going now, arrangements and all. Sorry ‘bout the dress!” “Ahem.” Rarity glowered at me. “Oh ya, the door. Later!” I closed the door behind me, and took off to the skies above Sweet Apple Acres, where the clouds I ordered were waiting for me. I sat down on the edge of the largest cloud, it was a little firm, but it would be perfect. I set down the box carefully and fluffed up the clouds around it, so everything was just right. For her I wanted to be perfect. I breathed out, everything was set up. This night was going to be awesome! I headed back home, and took a quick power nap. Twilight returned at five, waking me with a big kiss. She had been to Canterlot, an old professor of her needed some help with a spell. We chatted idly for a while, until I felt my stomach start to grumble. “How’d you like to go out to eat tonight?” I asked, my stomach already nervous for later on. “I’d love to! Any ideas where?” “Lets just wing it.” I chuckle with a flap of my wings. We went out, and decided on a small diner. Nothing to romantic, but it had good food, so we were happy. After the bill was paid, we ambled down the streets, side by side, relishing in each other’s company. “Hey, Twi.” “Ya Dash?” “I love you.” I whispered in her ear as I grabbed her under the forehooves, and took off into the sky. She gasped. It wasn’t her first flight, but usually we planned them before hoof, for the sake of saftey. I did some simple tricks, and she cheered and laughed in delight. The extreme stunts were alway too much for a passenger. I didn’t mind, the sound of her voice alone made up for the lack of adrenaline. Finally it was time. “Twi, do you trust me?” my voice wavered. “Absolutely.” I believed her, and she looked up into my eyes for a moment. I let her fall from my hooves. She landed softly on the clouds I had ordered, specially enchanted so that unicorns and earth ponies could walk on them. I landed next to her, showing off my trademark cocky smile. She shook her head and hugged me. We sat side by side and watched the sunset together, not really talking. Day ended, and evening began. Finally, the sun fell below the horizon, and I swallowed my fear. “Twilight.” I grabbed her hoof in mine and looked into her eyes. “You have changed me. You have made my life a million times better, a million times awesomer! I feel better with you then the Wonderbolts could ever make me. I love you more than flying. I love you more than air, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. I want to make you happy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Prized Pupil of Princess Celestia, and my dear egghead.” I grabbed the box, and opened it. “Will you marry me?” The sky brightened and the moon slowly rose up behind her as the tears in her eyes glimmered in the fresh starlight. “Yes.” We kissed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The door was pushed open, a grey-maned stallion quickly entered the room. His legs trembled, and he ran a hoof through his mane. “What’s up doc?” Pinkie asked tentatively. “You ladies should come with me. We think it’s almost time.” A moment of silence fell across the room. Tears fell from ponies’ eyes. A shadow fell over my heart. The others shared a wary look and nodded. Fluttershy came over to me and helped me to my hooves. We left and slowly walked down the hallway in the direction I could never bring myself to go, not after the first time. Nothing good came from this hallway. The walk seemed to take an eternity. No one in the procession talked. Eventually, we arrived at her room. We entered and stood around the bed. There she was. Her mane had her usual bed head. She never could control that mane. She looked thin, weak. It didn’t suit the mare who was stronger in spirit than any pony I’d ever met. Everything was off, the mare in front of me, didn’t look like my Twi. The worst part was her color. To others, it would’ve looked fine.But I knew that coat, that color. It was the color of my dreams. Not this imitation. It was too dark, to grey. It was wrong. The doctor was talking, but I wasn’t listening. The other’s were all watching him, but I had eyes for Twilight only. The mare I loved in that bed. I closed my eyes. I begged to Celestia, Faust, and anyone I could think of. All the memories we had. All the time we shared. I would give it all up if she would just be okay. I collapsed to the floor, the pain overwhelming me. I must’ve passed out, the others all helping me up and asking if I was okay. I just looked over to Twilight, and another stab of pain hit me. I felt too much. I watched the mare I loved. Her eye twitched. Buck me. I was hallucinating. On top of everything I went though, I was halucinating. I rubbed my eyes. Her eye twitched again. I took a step towards her and my mouth fumbling with words. Tears welled up. I shook. I didn’t blink. I didn’t think. “T-Twi? Twi, c-can you hear m-me?” I said through it all. Her eyes snapped open.
Chapter 3View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 3What We Lose Chapter 3 Those eyes. Those stunning bright violet eyes. Everything else faded into the background as I gazed into those eyes. The eyes I first saw that fateful day in Ponyville. The eyes that saved me from Discord. The eyes that stole my heart. The eyes I hadn’t seen in four months, twenty-seven days, and some hours. Her eyes were dazed and unfocused, full of confusion. She moved her head and groaned. Her pupils dilated, and her body went limp as she fell unconscious once again. The room went dead silent. Everypony was staring at Twi. The room sprung into motion around me, rushing towards her. Rarity, Fluttershy, AJ and Pinkie, rushed towards the bed, only to be stopped by a nurse and ushered out of the room. I sat down, hard. My brain was trying to process what just happened. Somepony helped me to my hooves and out the door. We went down the hall. She patted my shoulder and left me at the door. I stumble through and collapsed on a couch, my head spinning. She woke up. She actually woke up! A smile slowly grew on my face. After months of frowns and pain, I could finally smile again. Tears rolled down my cheek and I took a deep breathe in. Then, I laughed. I truly laughed. I laughed away all the bad times, the uncertainty, the fear, and let myself go. The others were watching me, all smiling, with tears in their eyes too. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I heard a giggle from the group. Of course, it was Pinkie. But it was Pinkie like I hadn’t seen in a long while. Her hair was back to a crazy mess, fluffy and bouncy. It was pure cotton candy like chaos, and seeing it made my grin even wider. But even better than her signature mane, were her eyes. Those bright blue eyes were back. They had a bright twinkle within. You could see the laughter there, waiting to be unleashed. The world turned pink as the party pony tackled me, squeezing the life out of me in a huge bear hug. After a second of shock, I wrapped my forehooves around her and hugged back, letting out a huge sigh. I heard a sniff, and back looked over towards the others. One look at the two of us hugging and the others all joined in. After everything we went through, we stayed there, enjoying the hugs and the company. The day looked brighter. Everything looked better. Hope had finally come back. I felt it in my heart. For the first time since the accident, I had hope, hope that everything would return to normal. Pulling AJ and Shy closer to me, I let out a sigh of relief, closed my eyes, and shed a tear. A tear of happiness. Pinkie froze. Her body stock still, as if she had just been hit. A smile died on her face, her eyes grew hollow. Her body spasmed in odd ways, parts moving, shivering, shaking, an incoming Pinkie Sense. Her mouth quivered, gasping around words she couldn’t get out. Her mane darkened and fell flat, tears falling down her face. The silence that had fallen was torn to pieces, a blood-curdling scream coming from down the hall. It was a scream like only one I had ever heard before. It was her. It was Twilights scream. I remember that scream. I remember all the sounds she made. I remember her mumbling when she was tired. I remember her soft kind lecturing tone, whenever she tried to teach you something. I remembered the little snore she had when she was sleeping. I remember how she whispered my name in her sleep, cuddling up close to me. I remember so much, but more than anything, I remember that scream. I remember every time I close my eyes, every time I look at myself in the mirror. I remember always and forever. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I closed my eyes and soared through the air, taking a moment to lose myself in the joy of flight. I did a flip, feeling the wind ruffle my primaries. I breathed out and emptied my lungs of oxygen. I breathed in and opened my eyes. I watched all the clouds in the sky, blown away by a rainbow shockwave. My Sonic Rainbooms were always awesome. I drifted for a bit, watching the colors spread, leaving the sky tinted by my wing. I took a minute to relish it. I didn’t need the Wonderbolts then. What could they give me? My wingbeats faltered as a scream cut through the air to my ear, echoing through the quiet afternoon. That scream... That was Twi! I came to a quick halt, frantically looking around, trying to see where she was. I scanned the ground around the lake and the surface , looking for her lavender coat. There! She was lying against a tree a book open next to her on the ground. It looked like she just fallen asleep reading. I might’ve been over reacting, assuming it was her who screamed. She always said I was too protective. Grinning at the memory of her telling me off, I flew down to check on her anyway. Better safe than sorry they said! I touched down a little ways away, my hooves crushing the soft grass beneath them, and trotted towards her. I watched her face. Her eyes were closed, clenched tight as if shutting out a bright light. Her face was locked in a tight grimace. My hoofsteps slowed and I called out, “Twilight? Hey Twi, wake up!” She didn’t move a muscle. I sped up into a sprint, quickly arriving at her side. I grabbed her and gently shook her. “Twi! Wake up! Please, please wake up!” Her body was limp and clammy in my grasp. My heartbeat sped up, my eyes starting to water. “No, please Twi! You’re scaring me, tell me this is a joke! W-why won’t y-you wake up?” My voice broke as I begged her to come around. “Somepony, anypony! Help! My wife needs help!” I screamed. I looked around the abandoned field. “Dammit! Don’t worry Twi, I’ll get you somewhere safe, just you wait and see. You’ll be fine!” I gently picked her up in my forehooves and took off as fast as I could safely go. “Just a little longer Twi, hold on.” I whispered. My eyes were blinded by tears I struggled to blink away. I flew off into the pure blue, cloudless sky, still colored by rainbow light. I held Twilight in my hooves. I held her close to my heart. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pinkie was collapsed on the floor, not able to hold herself up from the spasming sobs. Rarity was sitting next to her, rubbing her shoulder, trying to calm her down, her own face colored with tears and confusion. Fluttershy was quivering behind the couch, startled by the scream, only able to stare at the scene before her. AJ was moving towards the door, going to look down the hall. I rose to my unsteady hooves and walked slowly towards the doorway. I took it step by step, knowing I had to see her. AJ looked at me and frowned. “Rainbow, what ar--” I nudged past her and she stopped talking. I walked past her and out the door. I turned down the hall, looking straight ahead. My vision blurred and for a moment I saw throne room of Canterlot Castle. I saw seats to my right and left, filled with ponies I loved. I saw further away, Rarity, Pinkie, Shy, AJ, and Princess Celestia all beaming at me. I saw a mare, dressed in a gown of white. There for me. I blinked and the hall returned. I looked down towards my hooves and walked down the the hall. My hoofsteps echoed out, bouncing around the halls. They sounded lonely. I arrived at the door and stopped. I raised my hoof and knocked. I entered the room. There she was, sitting upright. She was looking out the window, out toward ponyville and the setting sun. She heard me enter and looked over. “Twi?” I whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. Our eyes connected. I looked at those eyes, and I saw the mare that I love. I looked at those eyes and thought of all the times I had looked into them and said, “I love you.” I looked into those eyes, and was overwhelmed by the sea of confusion. Confusion and fear. I looked as deeply as I could, searching for it. Searching for that one spark of recognition. The one thing I needed to see there. Love. They weren’t there. No recognition. No love. No matter how hard I looked, they just were gone. “Who are you?” She asked cautiously. Everything in my mind just left. Who are you? The doctor turned towards me and said something. Who are you? He repeated him self louder. Who are you? He grabbed me and pulled me out the door. Who are you? He let go of me and I went over to the wall and slowly sat down next to it. Who are you? Three words ran through my head. Who are you?
Chapter 4View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 4What We Lose Chapter 4 My head spun as I sat against the wall. My legs were numb and weak. I inhaled and focused on getting everything under control. I couldn’t break down, not again. She was awake. She woke up. She wasn’t on the brink of death. She wasn’t lying there, unmoving. She was awake. She was going to be okay. My body relaxed, losing some of it’s tension. She couldn’t remember me, but maybe she was just dazed after waking up! “Mrs. Dash!” My head jerked up, having forgotten the doctor was even there. “Mrs. Dash, have you been listening to a word I’ve said to you?” I shook my head. “I didn’t think so.” He frowned. “Well, now that I seem to have your attention, why did you come into Mrs. Sparkle’s room? I thought we told you and all your friends that we’d come get you when we could.” I looked back at the ground and snorted. “I should be able to visit her, I’m her wife.” “I assure you, it’s for her own good.” He paused, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temple. “It was her, wasn’t it?” “Huh?” He opened his eyes and blinked, looking back to me. “The scream. Was it her?” I sunk my head into my forehooves. “Yes.” The hallway fell silent again. He started back to Twi’s room, sparing me a glance. “Ms. Sparkle.” My ears twitched. “I’ll be back soon, please stay here. If a nurse comes in tell her to come get me.” I strained my ears, hoping to hear her voice, sweeter than an angel’s. The door reopened and the doctor stepped out. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.” Exhaling, I rose to my hooves and followed him down the hallway, my hoofsteps slow. “She’s married ya know.” “What?” He turned towards me, eyebrow raised. “She’s my wife. She’s Mrs. Sparkle. You said Ms.” He stayed quiet and turned back forward. Princess Celestia smiled down on us. She and everypony else in the throne room. The light from the sunset streamed through the stained glass and colors flitted through the air. A strand of my mane fell into my face and I blew it out of my eyes. My legs wavered. My breath was shaky. “Now, do you Rainbow Dash, take Twilight Sparkle to be your lawfully wedded wife?” I stared into her eyes. Twilight always had the most beautiful eyes. The way the color seemed to glow, as if imbued with every drop of her power. I saw her love for me, a flame burning bright. “I do.” “And do you, Twilight Sparkle, take Rainbow Dash to be your lawfully wedded wife?” It was odd. At that moment, I was nervous. More nervous than at the Best Young Flyers Competition. More nervous than when I tried out for the Wonderbolts. More nervous than when I asked her to marry me. It didn’t make sense, but then again, when did love ever make sense. “I do.” “You may now kiss the bride.” The world became a kiss. We were the only ponies alive. For that instant, everything was perfect. We came to a doorway and walked through, entering a small waiting room. He gestured for me to take a seat, and sat down across from me. He stayed there for a moment. “Where to start?” He looked up and our eyes met. He couldn’t hold my gaze and his stare went back to the ground. “Well, a couple of weeks ago, we began to notice Mrs. Sparkle deteriorating. We monitored her condition, but she only got worse and worse. This morning, it got to the point where we didn’t believe she was going to survive the day.” I nodded but he didn’t look up. “We came to get you and your friends so you could say a final goodbye. Her heartbeat was irregular, and she had no brain activity.” He looked at me and shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense. By all means, she should be dead. Ponies don’t just recover like that.” I smiled. “She’s not just any pony.” He let out a chuckle and continued, “After Mrs. Sparkle fell back unconscious and we got you and your friends out of the room, we took a look at her vitals. Everything was perfect. Her brain is functioning, her heartbeat is regular. It seems like she’s made a full recovery. I let the other nurses and doctors go. I thought as soon as she woke up, it would one final quick checkup and then she’d be back with you.” “You thought? Does that mean she’s not coming home?” I interrupted. He looked away. “Well? Come on!” His eyes avoided my glare. “I’ll get there in due time Mrs. Dash. Now where was I...” He thought for a moment. “Ah yes. She woke up again several minutes later. She was confused and disoriented, as is to be expected after such a long coma. I went through most of the checkup and all seemed well. She was responsive, and all seemed well.” He raised his hooves to his eyes and rubbed them, going on. “As we finished up, she wanted to ask me some questions. She wanted to know where she was and how she got there. I told her that we were in a hospital because she’d had an accident.” “She couldn’t remember what happened?” Finally he met my eyes, his full of pity. “She was quiet for a moment and then asked me who she was and why she couldn’t remember her name.” He reached over to me and held my hoof in his. He swallowed. “Mrs. Dash, she has one of the worst cases of amnesia I’ve ever seen.” Amnesia? She’d lost her memories? Was that why she didn’t recognize me? It made sense. My brow furrowed. “So she can’t remember anything?” He nodded. The mare I loved couldn’t remember who I was. Things would be hard, having to deal with being married to someone she didn’t know or love. Could she fall back in love with me? I smiled a bit. She was alive. No matter what we had to go through, no matter how long it took our love to be rekindled, it would be better than the last three months. We’d turn out okay in the end. “Mrs. Dash... I-I don’t know how to tell you this.” He was crying. “What? What is it?” I held his hoof, trying to help him regain his composure. I felt a pit begin to form in my stomach. “A-after I told her who she was, s-she sat there for a little while, so I asked her if she wanted to know more about herself. S-she did, so I started telling her about Princess Celestia, and that she was the Princess’ personal protege.” He shivered and glanced up at me. There was something in his eyes. Pity. Pity and fear. “Her eyes went blank and her horn began to glow. She let out that goddess-awful shriek and collapsed back into the bed. The room fell cold and magic was coursing through her. I-I had to cast a spell to cut off her magic flow. I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if I didn’t do it.” Her eyes glowed white and she levitated into the air. A mystically summoned wind blew through the room. The necklace I wore began to glow. All six of us rose into the air and the energy flowed through us, into her. Compared to what she already had, it wasn’t much but with the power she had, and the six of us, we could do anything. A rainbow beam fired, overwhelming the alicorn in front of us. I knew that power first hand. “As it was,” he went on, “she managed to destroy the spell and bang herself up quite a bit. After the flow was cut, she woke up. Instantly.” My brain was buzzing. I blinked trying to focus. “The first thing she said to me was where am I and how did I get here. She had lost all memory of what I told her.” My entire body was numb, and I struggled to understand him. “Do understand why I made you get out of her room earlier now?” I shook my head. “Mrs. Dash! It is a life or death matter here. If you don’t listen to me, you could kill your wife! She’s lost her memories and I tried to help her get them back. She almost died. Do you see it now?” “Y-you mean... If I try to tell her about her life..” My voice trailed off. “You could kill her.” The room was dead silent. Today was the day. After months of trying to figure everything out, I was going to ask Twilight Sparkle out. No longer would every minute I was around her be me trying not to be too obvious. It was torture. She was just so beautiful, it was hard not to just stare at her. But no longer. ‘I just hope she’ll go out with me!’ “No. Not again” I muttered to myself. The doctor grabbed my face and made me look into his eyes. “You can’t say one word to her about who you are, or anything about the two of you!” My heart was hurting. She was awake. After months she was awake, and I couldn’t tell her I loved her. I never got to say that one last time. She didn’t remember me, and I couldn’t help her to. “No!” I broke away from him and bolted up. “No! Fate can’t be that cruel! Y-you're just pulling my wing aren’t you?!” I turned towards the doorway to see Twilight, tears flowing from my eyes. He caught me with a forehoof. “Mrs. Dash control yourself. For Celestia’s sake, think! I need to make sure you get this!” He was crying again, though he was trying not to show it. “I get what you’re feeling, but you can’t tell Mrs. Sparkle. You’d kill her. If you care for her at all, you will not tell her about anything in her past!” I collapsed into his hooves. “B-but then, what am I-I supposed to do?” I sobbed. “She’s everything to me. I love her more than anything in the world.” “You have to take care of her, and hope she recovers on her own.” I sat there and cried for the umpteenth time that day. A nurse came in and got the doctor, leaving me alone. I thought about all the things I couldn't tell her. I might never get to tell her I love her. I might never get to tell her the one thing even more important than that. “Twilight. Oh, Twilight my love, I am so sorry.” I whispered to the quiet, empty room.
Chapter 5View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 5It was early morning, the sun having just risen over the horizon as we trotted down the dirt path dotted with houses at odd intervals. I could see the town down the road, peaceful and quiet, most of the ponies probably still warm in their beds. My eyes traced the houses we passed. Their thatched roofs, unique shapes, and beautiful gardens like nothing I'd seen before. This truly was a beautiful place. After I woke up yesterday, the doctors talked over everything with me, the amnesia, the complications. I still didn’t quite understand it all. But since I was in good health besides that, a few more basic tests and I was cleared to go. I frowned. It felt like everything was moving too fast. One minute I wake up with no idea of who or where I am, and the next they’re shoving me out the door. I sighed and looked up at the clear sky. It was colored with the hues of the sunrise, a couple of wispy clouds in view. I just felt wrong. Like something was missing. And I guess without my memories, something was. I kept quiet as I walked, taking everything in. Ms. Dash had volunteered to show me around the town, all her other friends had their own business to attend to, so it was just the two of us. Slowly, we passed more and more houses with shops beginning to crop up. I heard the sound of moving water and turned my head forward. A stream flowed through the town cutting through the park just ahead of us. We headed toward a bridge over the stream, and as we passed over it, a slight breeze blew by. Pausing I breathed in the fresh air and sighed. It was good clean air. It felt good. I frowned again. I turned forward again and saw Ms. Dash. She had an odd look on her face, as though she was in pain, but then it was gone in an instant. “Ms. Dash, are you okay?” “What? Oh, ya. I'm fine. I uh... just smelled something funny.” She rubbed her head, and started walking again. We left the park and entered the other side of town. The buildings got larger, each one vying for my attention. I saw a round, two story building with stunning dresses on display. I saw a building that was shaped like a huge jesters hat. When I asked Ms. Dash what it was, she told me it was the local joke shop. But none could compare to the bakery. It's brown walls looked like gingerbread, all of it's corners decked out in a fake frosting. And the smell, the smell of cupcakes cooking, the aroma of freshly baked bread, and that of the pie resting on the windowsill to cool. It was like a dream. My stomach rumbled. Ms. Dash looked over to me. “Hungry? I'll be right back.” She trotted over to an alley next to the bakery and knocked on it's back door. She held a quick conversation with the baker, a tall yellow stallion, and gave him a few bits. He went back inside and came out with a bag which he gave to her. He spotted me and waved. I waved back. I must have known him before... I sighed. Nothing. There was just an empty space where the memories should’ve been. I looked up and saw Ms. Dash coming back towards me. I glanced back at the bakery and saw the baker looking towards me. He was chewing his lip and frowning. When he realized I saw him he turned away and shut the door. “Cinnamon rolls on me!” Ms. Dash said, heading towards the tables outside a nearby cafe. We sat down and she took out the food. I levitated a fork and took a bite. It was incredible. The pastry was warm, the gooey center even more so, and it had just the perfect amount of frosting on top. Swallowing, I looked over towards Ms. Dash to thank her for the food. She was sitting there, staring at the cinnamon roll, holding her fork in a quivering hoof. She shook her head and stabbed the offending roll, digging in. “Thank you very much, this is delicious!” She turned towards me and smiled. “Ya, the Cakes make the best rolls around.” I looked back towards the bakery. “So then that stallion you talked to was Mr. Cake?” “Mhh-hm!” She replied, her mouth stuffed. We finished our breakfast and headed on through the town. Ponies were starting their day, coming out on to their doorsteps to fetch their morning paper, cup of coffee in hoof. Ms. Dash began to walk a little faster. I followed suit. After a few more minutes, we stopped. “Well, here we are!” I looked at the building she pointed to. One of the larger buildings around, It was a tree, converted into a building. Its sign read, The Golden Oaks Library. “A library?” She chuckled at my confusion, “Yes, but more importantly, your home. Come on in.” My home? My brow furrowed and I frowned. I slowly entered after her. It was dark inside, the curtains hanging over the windows closed. I couldn’t see a thing. Still, I smelled the books. The aged ones, the new ones. I took a deep breath in. There was also something else there. Something familiar that made me feel like I belonged there. It was the best smell in the world, but I couldn't quite identify it. I loved that smell. “Just let me get the curtains.” Ms. Dash said, moving past me, the door swinging shut behind us. With a flourish, the curtains opened and the sunlight lit the room up. All around were mahogany shelves chock to the brim with books. There was a desk over on one side, right below a window, and there was a table in the center of the room. There was a stairway on one side of the room, leading up to a small balcony that split off into a hallway and more shelves. There was a doorway on this level too. Through it, a small kitchen and another doorway were visible. I moved forward, ever so carefully, as if it were all a dream and the slightest disturbance would wake me up. “I'll be right back. There's someone who should see you, but needs to know about the uh... Ya know.” I nodded, and Ms. Dash walked on up the stairs and down the hallway. I walked over to one of the bookshelves and ran my hoof along the books reading their titles. I stopped on one. Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone. I pulled it from the shelf and leafed through it. It looked like a good read. I placed the book on a table and sat down. I closed my eyes and breathed. It was perfect. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. It was perfect. A tear rolled down my cheek. It was so perfect, so right. And yet. I cried.
Chapter 6View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 6Today had been hard. Having Twilight awake and around was the best thing in the world. I could hardly take my eyes off her. Her coat was back to it's perfect shade of lavender, glistening ever so slightly in the sun. Her eyes, bright and alert, darted back and forth taking everything around her in. She was undoubtedly alive. It was great, but it hurt so much. She was lost and confused, looking around at everything like it was new to her. She was uneasy, cringing away from anything she didn’t recognize. Her steps were unsure, following me only because she had no choice. It hurt to see all that, but the most painful thing was now not being able to comfort her. Not being there to reassure her. To go over and tell her that everything would be okay. Seeing the one mare I loved more than anything in such a bad place, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I've done many impossible things in my life. I'm one of the Elements of Harmony. I was admitted to the Wonderbolts. I've done hundreds of Sonic Rainbooms. But stopping myself from running to her and holding her close, telling her everything would be okay, was by far the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. I turned back to glance at her, just to see her pause on the bridge through the park and look off, towards the Everfree forest. She closed her eyes, breathing in the cool breeze. Her mane was blown about her face, and for the first time in months she looked peaceful. She smiled. I smiled. She was alive. My heart felt like it was about to break, the happiness swelling up inside me. My vision blurred ever so slightly as I watched. Her eyebrows furrowed and she opened her eyes, looking down at her hooves. Her face was strained. The joy I felt moments before vanished, filled instead with a pit of despair. I felt hopeless. She was trying to remember something. She sighed again, giving up. My legs began to tremble. She frowned and turned to me. “Ms. Dash, are you okay?” “What?” I struggled to regain control of myself. “Oh, y-ya. I'm fine.” She had called me Ms. Dash. “I uh... just smelled something funny.” I turned around and started walking. Ms. Dash. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears. We walked on. She was fascinated with the town. Her eyes traced over every little detail on the buildings, enamored with their designs, though still cautious. I steadied myself and tried to hold the tears back. I still wasn't sure if they were tears of pain or of happiness. We didn’t stop. I struggled to keep myself together. I took it one step and one breath at a time. As we passed Sugarcube Corner, Twi's stomach let out a growl. My stomach rumbled in return. I chuckled a bit and asked, “Hungry?” She nodded. “I'll be right back.” As I trotted over to Sugarcube Corner, breathing in the aroma of freshly baked sweets, Twi went over to some seats outside one of the cafes on the street. I went up to the back door and knocked. “Who is it?” came Mr. Cake's voice. “It's Rainbow.” “Oh, give me one second and I'll be right there!” The sound of dishes clanking together and a cookie tray being taken out of the oven accompanied his reply. A moment later and the door opened and his smiling face met mine. “Good morning Mrs. Dash! What can I help you with?” I winced at his words, another harsh reminder of what once was. I took a deep breath, “Well I was wondering if I could get two cinnamon rolls to go.” “Getting food for one of the girls?” “Well... Kinda.” He raised an eyebrow. “Twilight woke up last night.” “She did!?” He looked out onto the street and saw Twi watching us. “That's great news!” He waved to her, a large smile on his face. She slowly waved back. “Well this is great! Is Pinkie throwing a party for you two? Do you know if I need to ge--” “Mr. Cake.” I interrupted, my breaths coming with difficulty. “I don’t really think there’s going to be a party.” “I’m not sure Pinkie will agree with you on that one! This is something to celebrate.” He moved towards me and wrapped me in a hug. I couldn’t move and could barely think. “Mr. Cake.” I tried to get his attention. “Where is she by the way? She told me that she was going to the hospital yesterday, but she didn’t come back.” I swallowed, trying to clear the lump in my throat. “Well, I asked her and the girls to do me a favor.” “Okay, well when you see her could you tell her I have some things for her to buy so we can prepare for Twilight’s party.” My patience finally ran out. “Mr. Cake, she woke up, but she’s not better.” He frowned and glanced over at Twi again. “What do you mean? She looks fine to me.” I closed my eyes and focused on the earth beneath my hooves holding me up. “ Sh-she has a-amnesia.” I explained, my voice cracking. “She can’t remember much.” He stood there for a moment, taking it in. “Not even... you two?” “No.” “Mrs. Dash, I'm so sorry.” I winced. “Mr. Cake, since she doesn’t remember, it might be for the best if you just call Ms. Dash instead of Mrs. Dash.” He was silent for a few moments. “Okay then Ms. Dash. Are you sure you’re alright?” “I’m fine. She's alive and that's all that really matters.” “If you ever need anything, my wife and I are here for you.” He hugged me again, helping to hold myself together. “Thanks. Now about those cinnamon rolls, how much are they?” I sniffed, struggling to quell the tears that had swum to the surface. “No, you don't have to pay. I won't let you. I'll just go grab them for you.” He turned to go get them. “Mr. Cake, there's no reason I can't pay you.” “What did I say? You're not paying today.” He went back into the kitchen, grabbing a bag and placing two of the cooling cinnamon rolls from the counter inside. He returned and gave me the bag. I thanked him and headed off towards the table were my love awaited me. "Cinnamon rolls on me!" She smiled as I arrived at the table. I removed the two rolls from the bag and gave one to Twi. I watched as she levitated her fork and took a bite. Shaking my head as she glanced over towards me, I began to eat. We both dug in, enjoying the best cinnamon rolls in Equestria. As always, I ate mine about as quickly as I possibly could, reveling in the amazing flavours that danced across my tongue. I paused for a second, remembering the first time Twi had one of these. Ever since then, they had been her favorite sweet in the world. I glanced into Twi's eyes, searching for some hint of recognition for the tasty treat. All I saw there was marvel at how delicious it was. She looked up and met my gaze. “Thank you very much, this is delicious!” I chuckled a little. “Ya, the Cakes make the best rolls around.” “So that stallion you talked to was Mr. Cake?” I took another bite of the roll. “Mhh-hm!” We quickly finished and were back on our way. The sun had risen even more and ponies were beginning to rise for their day. I saw one or two coming out to get their mail or the newspaper. I quickened my pace, hoping to get home before anyone I knew really well spotted us. Finally, we arrived. Down the street just a little way was home. The tree that had become my home stood out from everything around it, and I saw Twi’s stare fixated on it. We stopped out in front and I turned towards her. “Well, here we are!” She glanced at our house again, then back at me. “A library?” I chuckled at that. “Yes, but more importantly, your home.” I turned to the door and opened it up. “Come on in.” With that, we entered. I walked fairly quickly to the main room, checking to make sure the girls had done everything right. I’d asked them to come by and grab all the things that would show Twi that we were married. Gone were the pictures, the wedding dress and suit, the little keepsakes from trips. The room felt bare without them. I shook it off and went over to the window. “Just let me get the curtains.” I pulled them aside and let the light shine into the room. Twilight’s eyes widened with what she saw. It was like a filly in a candy shop. She gazed left and right, trying to see every title and every nook and cranny in the room. Then, I remembered. “I'll be right back. There's someone who should see you, but needs to know about the uh... Ya know.” I couldn’t get myself to say it out loud. She nodded and I walked over to the stairs. As I ascended them, I steeled my nerves for what was about to do. I walked down the hallway, passed the cupboard and the bathroom. I stopped in front of the third door. With a deep breath, I pushed it opened and walked in. I walked over to the bed and stood beside it for a moment. I finally worked up the nerve. “Hey, Spike. It’s time to get up. I need to talk to you.” With a yawn, Spike began to stir, shifting his blankets away from his body as he groggily sat up. “Morning Dash.” He rubbed his eyes and moved to stand up. “Spike, wait a minute.” I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. “It’s kinda important.” He frowned, thinking something over. His face darkened. “O-okay.” His voice wavered slightly. I got back up to my hooves, moving over to the desk. I grabbed a quill and scroll. “First, I’m gonna need you to send this to Princess Celestia.” I explained as I jotted down a quick note. I wrapped it up and tied it with a bow, then tossed it over to Spike. With a quick breath and a puff of green fire, the note was gone. I stood there for a moment watching the smoke drift away. I heard a sniffle from the bed. Spike was crying. “S-she’s g-gone, isn’t she?” He choked out. “Oh Spike! No, she hasn’t gone.” I moved over to him, pulling him close to me. “It’s okay. She’s not gone.” He looked at me, his brow furrowed. “But then why did you have to come talk to me? Why the letter to the Princess?” He had mostly stopped crying, but a few stray tears still slid down his face. “Well, you see Spike, Twilight woke up.” Spike froze. “She woke up?” he whispered. “Yes.” Spike’s face lit up as tears came to his eyes once again. It felt good to see him smile again. Twi was like a mother to him, and he has been distraught ever since she fell into the coma. He stayed quiet for days after it happened, refusing to talk to anypony. He still barely talked about it, preferring to just push it all away. “W-wait.” my voice cracked. “She... She has a problem with h-her memories.” The smile died on his lips. “Her memories?” Silence filled the room. “What is it?” He asked, as if he was afraid of the answer. “They’re gone.” “What?” I swallowed, repeating myself. “They’re gone. Her memories. All of them. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know any of the girls. She won’t know you.” I struggled to keep my voice even throughout. I tried to contain everything I felt, not wanting to break down now. Spike and Twi needed me to be strong. He just sat there not moving. Breathing in and out. Taking in what I had said. Finally, it hit him. I watched as the facade of strength broke. He burst out into tears, grabbing at me and pulling me closer, trying to hold on to me. I embraced him back, tears coming to my own eyes despite my best efforts as the pain dug like a knife into my heart. My whole family was hurting. “Shhh, everything will turn out alright in the end.” I whispered as I held him. “It’ll all turn out okay in the end.” I tried to convince him. “We’ll get our happy ending.” I tried to convince myself. I didn’t believe the words as they came out of my mouth.
Chapter 7View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 7I struggled to stop the tears streaming from my eyes. I needed to get a hold of myself before Ms. Dash came downstairs again. I looked around the room, finally spotting a box of tissues on the desk. I wiped my eyes, hoping they weren't too red from the tears. I winced as I turned back to the room, a throb going through my head as I caught my hoof on an half open drawer. I rubbed my temple, frustrated at my sudden headache, however my curiosity was piqued by the drawer. I stopped for a moment to listen for hoofsteps coming from above me. Hearing none, I made my way behind the desk and pulled the drawer open. Inside there was an assortment of objects, most of them uninteresting. However two did catch my eye, a book and a picture both laid there. I pulled them out and set the picture down on the table. I examined the book first. It hadn't been touched in some time, a layer of dust covering it. I blew most of the dust away, coughing in the ensuing dust cloud. Even with it gone, I couldn't make out the title of the book. It was an thick tome, the pages yellowed and the covers illegible from age. I tried to open it, only to discover the small, yet sturdy lock on the side. With a frown I went through the drawer again searching for the key but couldn't find it. With a sigh I put the book back in the drawer, and picked up the picture. Six happy mares smiled up at me from the picture. A yellow pegasus, a white unicorn, a orange earth pony, and a pink earth pony. Ms. Dash was there as well, smiling cockily. The mare that caught my attention though was the mare in the center. Even though my headache blurred my vision slightly, I could tell that she had the exact same shade coat as I did. Her cutie mark was obscured, so I couldn't be entirely sure, but I was certain that that was me. Putting the picture back on the table, I once again brought my hoof to my head, my headache worsening. Not knowing how long Ms. Dash would be, I found a plush couch between two bookcases and laid down, hoping a little rest would get rid of my headache. I closed my eyes and waited. ~~~ The sound of hoofsteps rose me for my light slumber. I groggily opened my eyes looking for the source of them, my eyes settling on Ms. Dash as she came down the stairs. I quickly rose to my hooves as she reached the bottom of the steps and I walked towards her, meeting her next to the desk. Her eyes twinkled as she asked, “Tired? I can understand that. It's been quite the day so far.” I nodded in agreement, stifling a yawn. She laughed again, filling up the tall room with her voice. It made the room seem much happier, taking the edge off the shadows that the bookshelves cast. “Oh, Ms. Dash,” I began, grabbing the picture that lay on the desk where I left it. “I found this picture while you were upstairs and was wondering who all these ponies are?” Her eyes fell on the picture, and the laughter in her eyes died. She looked from the picture to my face, as if searching for something there. With a sigh, she replied, “Well, this is our group of friends Twilight.” It felt odd hearing her call me by my first name. It was the first time she hadn't addressed me as 'Ms. Sparkle'. “You know me, this here is Fluttershy, this is Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and that in the center -” she paused looking up at me, “-as I'm sure you've guessed, is you.” I winced as I reached for the picture again, my headache not yet gone. “If we're good friends Rainbow Dash,” some emotion flashed across her face faster than I could recognize it. “Then why have you been calling me Ms. Sparkle?” She sighed and rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “I'll explain it all in a bit, but first you have to meet someone.” The frown on her face was replaced with a smile. “Spike! Come on down.” She called out. Remembering what she'd gone upstairs for, I looked to the top of staircase expecting to see another pony approaching. After a moment, a large, purple shape came bolted down the stairs and to a quick halt next to Rainbow Dash. With a twinkle in her eye, Rainbow introduced me. “Ms. Twilight, meet Spike the dragon.” My eyes moved over his figure, awing over him. He was quite a bit bigger than either Ms. Dash or I, standing tall on two legs. He had long arms with quite sharp claws at the end. Down his back ran a series of green scales. His face was smiling at me, teeth sharp and visible. By all means, I should've been terrified of him. But there was something there. Something in his eyes that I saw. Something that told me that I was safe. That I shouldn't be afraid. “Hello Spike.” Giving him a warm smile. “I'm guessing you already know me.” “You betcha'! It's good to see you up Twilight.” His grin grew larger, though it seemed to be missing something. My smile faltered as my head throbbed again. “So, how did we know each other?” Trying to take my mind of the pain. “I'm your number one assistant!” His face broke into a toothy smile, obviously proud of this. “I do a lot of the work around the library, from general maintenance to the odd jobs that pop up. If there's something that needs to be done, I tend to do it!” “I hope I at least pay you well then!” I chuckle, unable to be quite as genuine as I would've liked. Despite his contagious enthusiasm that brought the corners of my mouth up into a small smile, my head pounded even harder. My reply sent Rainbow and Spike into peals of laughter, filling the room with a bright happy air. I closed my eyes, not able to deal with the pain. It felt like a hot knife in my skull, burning and stabbing bringing me to the floor. I let loose a scream as the agony tore through me. I laid there writhing in agony until, finally darkness overtook me. ~~~ Garbled voices made their way to me through the haze of unconsciousness, bringing back the ache to my head. “--estia will be here soon.” I begin to make out parts of what they say as I slowly woke up. A groan makes it's way from me involuntarily as my head throbs again. One of my eyes made its way open, only to have the light come in and cause me to quickly shut it. “Twilight!” cried the deeper voice, accompanied by hoofsteps that came closer. “Rainbow, is she waking up?” I struggled to move a hoof, eventually gaining control over my limb and moving it to cover my eyes. “Yes, Spike.” I felt a hoof lay itself on my shoulder. “Twilight, are you alright?” I finally managed to open my eyes, my hoof thankfully blocking the light from my eyes. Moving ever so slowly so as not to aggravate my head, I sat up. I was on a bed in a room I was entirely unfamiliar with. I moved my head ever so slowly around to take in my surroundings wincing ever so slightly every time my head throbbed. This obviously wasn't one of the main rooms in the library as not every wall was dedicated to bookshelves, though one was. No here was a room that was much more personal. Next to the bed there laid a small bedside table which held an alarm clock and a book. There next to the door lay a dresser and mirror, and there was a small desk by the bookcases. Everything was tidy and clutter free, as if no one had used this room in quite some time. “What happened?” I finally managed, looking to the pegasus standing next to the bed. She looked relieved, probably happy that nothing too bad had happened to me on her watch. “Well, we were talking and you collapsed and fell unconscious.” She explained. “We brought you upstairs so you could lie down.” “Thank you.” She smiled, shaking her head. “It wasn't really much of an issue. What with the big guy over here,” she gestured towards Spike, “I didn't even have to do any lifting! And besides, it's your room after all.” My room? I looked around again. That would explain the disuse. I slowly shifted my weight and began to get up. “Whoa! Do you want some help there?” Dash offered, surprised by my movement. “No,” I shook my head. “I can handle this.” Silently hoping that I could handle it, I moved all my weight off the bed, bringing my hooves to rest on the floor with a slight shake. “May I look around?” I ask aloud, glancing over at the large dresser by the door. “Sure, it's your room after all. Spike and I'll just wait out on the balcony.” I looked to where she began to move to and saw the doors behind the half pulled curtains. I'd missed them when I first looked over the room. That bothered me for some reason. I shook it off and waited a moment to check my balance. Reassured, I moved over towards the dresser. I traced my hoof over it's design, It was large, but not too bulky, and made of a beautiful redwood. It had intricate carvings on many of the surfaces and was lovingly crafted I moved to open the top drawer, but stopped when I saw the mirror again. That moment it hit me. I didn't know what I looked like. Sure to some extent I did, I had seen my body and that sort, but I had never seen my face. I approached the mirror from an angle so that I didn't see myself right away. I was uneasy for no reason. I snorted, somewhat disappointed in myself for being so afraid of nothing, and strutted right in front of the mirror. A somewhat confused expression met my face. There I was, a face I didn't recognize staring blankly back at me. It was odd, seeing my own reflection and not recognizing it. That was the moment when it truly hit me. How much was gone from my life? I lifted a hoof and so did the mare in the mirror. I brought it up to my face and touched it. I took the time to examine my own face. I took in everything, from my mouth to my horn, memorizing every single detail. I would remember my own face for the future. A knock on the balcony doors broke me away from my examination. Turning my head, Rainbow Dash opened the door and entered. “Uh, Twilight, there's someone here to see you, if you don't mind.” “Sure, I can see them. Who is it?” She walked towards the door and motioned towards someone I couldn't see. She came back in and moved away from the door, clearing the way for the pony following her. I was stunned. Behind Rainbow was a tall pony, coat glistening a perfect white that almost seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her hair blew in a nonexistent breeze and was the colors of a stunning sunrise. She was adorned with jewelry that was amazing in it's own right, but couldn't hold a candle to the beauty of the mare herself. Her hair covered one of her eyes, but the other twinkled with delight and mystery. I felt that those eyes had seen much more than I could ever imagine. She smiled when she saw me and said, “Hello Twilight Sparkle! It's nice to see you up again.” I didn't know how to respond, stunned by the appearance of someone so grand. Eventually, I mustered, “T-thank you. What can I help you with?” I struggled to regain my composure, as I remembered she wished to talk to me. She chuckled at that. “Well Ms. Sparkle, I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. Rainbow Dash sent me a letter detailing your condition and asking for my help, so here I am!” I looked over to Rainbow. She'd sent a letter to a princess asking for help for me? I frowned and turned my head back to Princess Celestia. “Thank you, I'd like my memories back, b-but you're the leader of a country. You shouldn't worry about me, I'll recover on my own eventually.” I looked down at the ground, knowing that I'd probably just lost the best chance of getting my memories back. Princess Celestia drew close to me and tilted my head up so ours eyes met. “Twilight, I care for all of my little ponies. In fact, they're the most important things to me as a ruler. What kind of leader would I be if I couldn't help out my ponies when they're in need?” I couldn't believe my luck, I could really get my memories back! “I don't know what to say! Thank you so much!” Her face darkened slightly as she looked down on me. “I can't guarantee anything, but I will do my best to restore what you have lost. If you wish, we may begin now.” I gulped, unsure what I was getting myself into, but nodded. “Very well then. You should probably lie down on the bed.” I laid down and prepared myself for what came next. “Alright Twilight, I'm going to examine your mind magically. I will look for something there that is causing the memory loss. If it's with your permission, I will cast a sleep spell on you to assist the process.” Nodding my consent, she smiled and lit her horn. A light blue beam on magic made it's way towards me and I immediately felt the effects. My eyelids drooped and I yawned. I turned onto my side and promptly fell asleep. ~~~ All was dark and cold before me. I had been in the dark a long time, long since gotten used to the biting cold that was always present. I was strong and kept myself alive. Despite that, I knew that there was something I was missing. A part of me that wasn't there. But I stayed strong. Time passed. I moved through the darkness with little purpose, mind and body numb from the cold. Something changed though. As time went on, the cold seemed to lose it's hold on me. Something was different. A heat had found it's way inside me, and it lived there, a hidden flame that kept the cold away. That flame was strong and lasting, with me day and night, my only bastion against the dark. I nursed it, unaware of it's power, only knowing that I didn't wish to freeze again. One day, I lost my way in the darkness. Fear filled me and washed away every trace of warmth I had known. All I could feel was the icy bite of the dark which had consumed the flame I had come to love. I laid down in the black and wept. Slowly the darkness gave way to light. Shocked, I turned my head towards the light. A flame, strong and undeterred by the dark, was flickering there before my eyes. It glowed warmly and moved closer to me, it asked me why I cried. Too taken with my sadness to marvel at the flame, I told it of the cold and the dark that surrounded me. I told it of the pain that I felt. I told it how I was once saved by a warmth, but I had lost my way and that there was nothing I could do. The fire moved closer again and comforted me with it's warmth. “Hush,” it said. “I know how you feel. Long ago I too was cold and lost. I felt that there was nothing I could do. I too felt this warmth and took it inside me. Slowly I built it up and no longer did I feel the cold. But seeing you like this, it draws the cold back to me. Come with me and I shall keep you warm. I shall move the darkness aside and light your path. Together we shall never get lost again.” I finally looked towards to one light in the dark. My life changed in that moment. It was stunning. What I had thought was a flame at first turned to be a pony. She glowed with warmth, and when she smiled at me, I felt the warmth flood into me. I felt alive again. I saw through the darkness and truly saw the world for the first time because of her. I loved her. Time flew by as we spent it together, the warmth grew between us. It kept the cold far away, and the dark only a distant memory. And inside me something else grew. A budding flower, kindled by this mare who had brought me from the brink. Slowly it blossomed and grew. I loved her. Finally I admitted to her, and to my joy she felt the same. The warmth grew and became a hot passion that burned brightly. That fire became the center of my world. I was happy for a short time. A flash of color filled the world spreading across all I could see. It was stunningly beautiful, even putting the mare I loved to shame. I was fascinated with this new occurrence, enraptured by everything that I had never imagined, but could now see. As time passed, the colors dulled, and with them the center of my world was torn away from me piece by piece. The cold and the dark to enveloped me once more as I searched for the mare that was my light. I was lost once more. All is dark and cold before me. Author's Note Holy early chapter Batman! I finished the chapter and decided you've all waited long enough for this chapter so here it is!
Chapter 8View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 8Twi mumbled something in her sleep as she shifted to a more comfortable position. Seeing my wife asleep peacefully yet not deathly still as she had been for all those months, it made me smile. I moved to her side, and took hold of her hoof in mine, reveling in the moment. "My poor little pony." Celestia rested her wing over my shoulder. "I know it is difficult, but for her sake you must persevere. Hopefully we’ll soon know the extent of her condition." I leaned up against her as my legs started to lose their strength. She pulled me into a hug and I tried not to cry Finally I managed to choke out, "Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me that you came.” I paused and looked at Twi. “How much it would've meant to her." We stood there for some time, me trying to make some sense of my jumbled emotions, Celestia comforting me with a wing and her presence. "It's funny,” I chuckled. “This might’ve been the first time she didn't freak out about you being here." She joined in with my laughter, both looking back fondly on her eccentricities. I sighed as memories flicked through my head. All the times I had to calm and reassure her, all the times she had to calm and reassure me, and all the times we laughed it off afterwards. "She should be deep enough in her sleep now.” Celestia said some time later. Reluctantly I left her side. “I'm not sure how long this will take, but it will most likely be some time." She continued. I nodded, and backed away from the alicorn so she could do her magic. Celestia’s eyes closed and her horn began to glow the color of the sun on a bright summer's day. The already quiet room fell silent. Nothing made any noise. A tension stood in the air and it only grew as the glow increased. I could feel the power of the world flowing into her. I backed away further, bringing up a hoof to shield my eyes from the harsh light that emanated from her. I shut my eyes desperately trying to save my vision, but even with my eyelids closed it wasn’t any darker. There was one final bright flash, and the light was gone. It took several minutes for my eyes to adjust to the dark room. Everything was still and Celestia was gone. I was alone with Twi once more. With a sigh, I moved over to her side. I brushed aside a bang that was covering her face, and held her hoof in mine, and I waited. ~~~ Celestia's sun made way for Luna's moon in the sky, and there I stayed.Spike brought me in dinner, but I didn’t touch my food. Nothing would move me from Twi’s side. I didn’t notice the hours passing, only focused on the mare before me. I took every twitch, smile, and mumble and committed it to memory. I could almost pretend like everything was alright. I knew it wasn’t smart, that it would probably hurt me more in the long run, but with every second that passed I just found myself more and more caught up in my fantasy. I couldn’t help myself, a tear fell from my eye as I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She smiled as she slept, and for that one moment I forgot about everything else. There was only her smile, her face, and her hoof in mine. Everything was perfect. A small glow began to shine from her horn. Startled I took a step back, and watched as the glow got brighter and brighter. I turned my head away to block out the light, and tried to compose myself. Celestia had finished. When I could see again, I turned around expecting to see Celestia standing there watching me, instead what I found was the ruler of Equestria lying in a heap on the ground. I went quickly to her side kneeling down next to her. “Celestia! Are you alright?” She moved slowly, raising her head to look at me. “Yes, although I am very drained. With some rest I should be fine.” I helped her to her hooves, debating whether to ask her about Twi. As if sensing my question, she continued, “I need to sleep, we can talk about Twilight tomorrow. Don’t worry, she will be asleep for a long while yet. The sleep spell I cast on her was extremely powerful.” We made our way out of the room and into the hall. Celestia trembled with exhaustion her legs barely able to hold her up. I helped her to the guest bedroom and she collapsed onto the bed. In moments she was asleep. I left the room and closed the door behind me. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep much that night, I made my way through the upstairs hallway, and down the stairs. I walked through the shelves on the second floor, making my way towards the back. I’d walked this path many times when I couldn’t sleep. It was the only way I ever got any rest. The library was very old, and was much bigger on the inside than people expected it to be. There were many cozy corners and alcoves that provided privacy. Few people knew where they all were. What seemed like forever ago I had come to the library often and read adventure books like no other. I would stay in the library for hours on end. I had one nook where I loved to read more than any other. It was removed from everywhere else and was quiet, but not silent. There was a window that looked out and away from town from which you could see all the way to the Everfree Forest. It was perfect for me and I spent all of my time there. But that alcove wasn’t important for that alone. Twilight would often come read with me there to get away from all of the stress in the rest of the library, whether that was Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders Librarians, or anything else. We grew into best friends in that nook, and that is where I first kissed her. I curled up in the familiar corner and gazed out the window at the stars above and thought of how we had laid here and she had told me the stories of the constellations. I traced them with my eyes now wet with tears. I found the carving I had made, our initials in a heart, and traced my hoof over it. Eventually, a dreamless sleep overcame me. ~~~ The first rays of sunshine woke me up from my sleep. I hadn’t slept well, restless for most of the night, but I was glad for what little sleep I had gotten. Yawning, I touched my hoof once more to the carving, then got up and made my way out of the library and back upstairs to the bedrooms. I opened the door to Twi’s room to check on her. There she laid, still fast asleep like Celestia said she’d be. I moved to her side, bent down and gently kissed her cheek. “I just want you to know that I love ya Twi. Always have, always will.” With that, I left the room closing the door behind me. I knocked on the door to the guest room, and the door opened. I was met by a smiling Celestia, who was looking much better. “Rainbow Dash!” she beamed. “You’re up early.” “Ya, it’s a force of habit.” I replied with a laugh. “Some things from being head weatherpony seem to stick.” She had an odd expression on her face for a moment, but she shook her head and the smile returned. “I’m actually surprised to see you up. After how weak you were last night, I thought you’d be asleep for most of today for sure.” “One of the many benefits of being an alicorn is faster healing.” I nodded. “Had I not been an alicorn, it might’ve taken me weeks to recover.” “Weeks!?” That made her smile. Before that moment, I had never quite realized how powerful Celestia was. My stomach sank as a thought crossed my mind. If Celestia was that powerful, she might be the only one who could help Twi, and if she couldn’t, I wasn’t sure if Twilight would ever get her memories back. I opened my mouth to ask her about Twi, but a large grumble interrupted me. We were both silent for a moment, but then another grumble followed, this time coming from my stomach. Celestia and I bursted out into peals of laughter. “I believe that means food is the first thing on our schedule for today.” I reluctantly agreed, knowing that if Celestia delivered bad news to me, I’d be in no condition to eat. “So Rainbow Dash, where would you like to go for breakfast?” I frowned at that, “Well if we go out we might not get any peace. Having the Princess in town isn't exactly an ordinary thing.” The corners of her mouth rose in a small smile “Oh, just let me worry about that.” A glow of light surrounded her body and she was momentarily obscured from vision. It was nowhere near as bright as yesterday, but I still covered my eyes with a hoof. Moments later, blinking to clear the spots from my vision I was surprised by what laid before me. A pegasus mare with light pink hair stood before my eyes looking carefully over her body. She was the slightly taller than me, and had a cutie mark of a sun shining over two clouds. She noticed me staring at her, dumbfounded. “Oh Rainbow Dash!” she laughed. “You didn’t honestly think that I only go out in public in full regalia with a squadron of guards, did you?” I opened my mouth to reply, but no answer came. I had never really thought about it before, but it did make sense. Seeing my reaction, she laughed again. “You can call me Sunny Skies.” We left the library, leaving a note for Spike telling him we were heading out, and made our way down the street. “So, where are the best places to eat in Ponyville?” Princess Celestia asked as we walked. It was a lovely day out, the sun shining brightly just over the horizon, with barely any clouds in the sky. I made a mental note to walk by the weather office and let Cloudkicker know that she was doing a good job. “Well, there’s always Sugarcube Corner, though it could be a little busy.” Quite a few ponies went there in the morning for a quick breakfast before work. I glanced over at Celestia, who was looking around the town with interest. “Can you wait a little for food?” “I’ll be fine with a little wait. Besides it’ll be worth it if their food is as good as I’ve heard.” With that decided, we made our way towards the center of town. We chatted aimlessly as we waited, moving from one unimportant topic to another, carefully skirting around anything to do with Twi. I was surprised how easy it was to talk to her. I could almost forget that she was an all powerful immortal who could control the sun. When we arrived at Sugarcube Corner, it was nearing the end of the morning rush. Most ponies had come and gone, already at or on their way to work. We entered and stood at the back of the small line. Celestia grew quiet as she looked over all the sweets in the display case, almost salivating at the delectables. Her eyes stopped on one of the freshly baked cinnamon rolls, still hot from the oven and grew wide with desire. “Those are the best.” I whispered in her ear. She looked slightly embarrassed, but her smile returned when I laughed at her embarrassment. Finally, we arrived at the counter to be met by an energetic Pinkie Pie. “Dashie!” She cried out excitedly. “It’s good to see you! I didn’t know if you’d be by today because of Twilight but it’s so good to see you!” I forced a smile, even as memories of the previous day swelled up. Apparently I didn’t do a good enough job because she looked at me with a sympathetic smile and said. “Oh, Dashie I’m sorry. I should’ve thought more. You know me, I just get a little carried away sometimes.” Thankful for my caring friend, I replied. “It’s no problem Pinkie. It’s good to know that you care.” We smiled at each other for a moment until she seemed to remember her job. “So what can I get ya this morning!” “Can I just get a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bagel?” I loved cinnamon, It always made me feel better when I had some. “Sure! That’ll be four bits. You want that on your tab?” I nodded and Pinke quickly went into the kitchen and returned with a mug of hot coffee, just the way I liked it. I smiled and said my thanks and moved aside to let Celestia order. I took a sip of my coffee but almost spit it out when I heard Pinkie say, “Oh, hi Sunny!” Coughing slightly, I stared at Pinkie in confusion. “Pinkie, how do you know... Sunny?” Pinkie and Celestia shared a look, Celestia nodded and Pinkie turned back towards me. “Well, I go up to Canterlot quite a lot! I get to go try out all the tasty new treats and inspect Mr. and Mrs. Cakes orders when they come in. It’s a whole bunch of fun and I get to meet tons of new ponies too! But my absolute favorite place to go is Pony Joe’s. His donuts are the best in the whole world! I know, I’ve tried them. There are the ones from Stalliongrad that are good, but the Prench ones were even better!” She drifted off for a moment caught up in what I assume was a donut daydream. “Anywho! Sunny here knows how good Pony Joe’s is too and we met there and talked and became friends. Now every time I head in to Canterlot we meet over donuts and coffee!” Surprised by the reasonable explanation, I stood there, mouth slightly open. “So Sunny!” Pinkie began again, “What would you like!” Celestia’s eyes flicked back towards the cinnamon roll in the display case as her stomach growled once more. “Well, on the suggestion of Rainbow Dash, I’ll have one of your cinnamon rolls and a cup of tea please.” “It’ll be right out!” Pinkie bounced back into the kitchen and Celestia and I walked over to one of the few unoccupied tables, one closer to the back of the bakery. We were both quiet while waiting for our food, I was feeling a little uneasy, my stomach not settling quite right. When Pinkie came out with our breakfast, Celestia dug in with gusto. Both of us were exhausted and drained from the previous night. Celestia seemed to be really enjoying her cinnamon roll, where as I could hardly manage a bite of my bagel. I settled for simply sipping my coffee. Slowly, ponies left the shop to go about their various business until eventually it was just Celestia and I left. We stayed quiet, finishing our drinks then got up and left. The walk back to the library was uneventful, both of us choosing to stay quiet. Spike was still asleep when we got back, so Celestia and I went back into the further sections of the library so that our voices wouldn’t disturb him. We found a set of chairs near a window and sat down looking across at each other. Finally with a sigh I said. “Tell me everything.” “If you wish.” She was quiet for a moment, collecting her thoughts. Finally she exhaled and began. “I went in looking for anything I could find of the old Twilight. Memories, feelings, something that would show me she was still there. I also kept an eye out for anything that might be causing her memory loss. I wasn’t happy with what I saw.” My body fell cold, scared about what would come next. “Her doctor was right to some extent, he is quite a talented stallion. There is a problem in her mind. One of her leylines was disrupted. All the magic from that leyline couldn’t flow, and was stuck in that part of her mind. The magic began to seep into her mind and into everything around the leyline.” I was stunned. I couldn’t even form a complete thought. “I can’t even say for sure how long the ley line had the problem. It could’ve been months. Most unicorns would’ve notice their magical output be less, but because my student has so much magic, she must never have noticed.” I thought back and tried to think whether or not she had said anything about weakened magic. I felt sick at the thought that I could’ve done something about her condition. “The magic and the memory are so intertwined now, that the rest of her mind shut out that portion, because if something should activate that latent magic, it would destroy her mind and a whole lot more.” The more Celestia spoke the more my world seemed to fall apart. I wanted to tell her to stop, but I couldn’t find any words. “There was something else odd about the magic however. I’ve seen disrupted ley lines before, but the magic was always equally spread across the mind. It seems that in my faithful student, the magic spread differently. It does cover much of her mind, but it is concentrated in one spot more than any other.” I wanted to tell her to stop and leave, but something else came out of my mouth. “Where in her mind?” I was afraid of the answer. I really didn’t want to know. She was quiet for a moment, then answered, “Her magic seems to have been drawn to you in her mind. Your love, your marriage, even much of your friendship is weaved in with the volatile magic.” “H-how?” I barely managed to choke out. She sighed and looked to the ground. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen something like this before. Magic isn’t usually fickle, it is harmonious, not chaotic. It should’ve spread out equally, but it didn’t. Something must’ve drawn it there.” Deciding to think about that later, I finally worked up the nerve to ask her the question that was really eating away at me. “Is there any way to help her got those memories back?” “It is theoretically possible to release them without harming her, but there is no way to know how not to trigger the magic. If it is triggered, the energy released would destroy her along with much of Ponyville.” She looked me in the eyes. “She will regain her memory Rainbow Dash. Just not ones focused around you.” I just stood there. I was prepared for bad news, and this was most certainly bad, but it was more painful than anything else could’ve been. We could tell her about the past to help her get her memories. She would have great friends there for her at all times while she went through a tough time, but that was it. Only friends. Everyone would get their happy ending but me. Celestia had finished, and stood there looking at me. I stood up and walked away. “Rainbow?” Celestia began moving to her hooves. I didn’t reply, going from a slow walk to a slight trot. By the time I got down the stairs and to the door, I was galloping. I left the library as fast as I could. I focused on my legs, willing them to go faster and faster, take me away from it all. The muscles began to burn, and I focused on the pain, blotting everything else out. The burn got slowly worse and worse, slowly working it’s way from my legs to my whole body, and yet I didn’t stop. The pain felt good, for once everywhere but my heart hurting. It seemed only fair the rest of my body knew what it went through everyday. And so I galloped on. Slowly my panting breaths turned to sobs, not even the agony my body was feeling was enough to block it all out. My eyes blurred the land around me. But I galloped on. Finally my body and mind both gave out and I collapsed to the ground unwilling to go further. I laid there, unmoving and crying, feeling like the most lonely mare in existence. I stayed there for quite some time. eventually there was nothing left inside me, there was only a dull, hollow feeling that went throughout my body. Darkness fell over me as I fled the conscious world. All is dark and cold before me. .
Chapter 9View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 9Birdsong floated through the open window, waking me from my sleep. Groaning, I opened up my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My head pounded along with my heartbeat, each one accompanied with a prick of pain. I tried to turn away from the window so I could fall asleep, but my muscles protested. So I just laid there waiting for my body to hurt less. Eventually, the pain dulled enough for me to move and I slowly got out of bed. Wincing with every step, I made my way to the hallway. I stopped and frowned as I realized I didn't know where the bathroom was. I moved to the next door down the hall with a sigh. I opened it only to be greeted by a broom closet. I closed the door and went to the next and opened it. A small room with a messy bed laid before me. I moved on down the hall to the next door and opened it. Finally, it was the bathroom. As I started towards the shower, my reflection caught my eyes and I stopped. I looked disheveled, my mane a mess from sleeping for who knows how long and my eyes were barely open. I ran a hoof through my mane, as I turned towards the shower and hopped in. I turned the tap and was hit by a stream of freezing cold water. I yelped and fumbled for the tap as I tried to turn it to a warmer setting. Sighing as the water became a bearable temperature, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water. I stayed there for a minute, just relishing in the heat as my muscles relaxed. I opened my eyes and looked around for some shampoo to sort out my mane. Seeing a bottle, I picked it up and sniffed. Lavender. Applying a generous amount, I quickly washed myself and stayed in the downpour a little longer. As the water grew cold, I finished up and dried off. I found a brush and quickly began to deal with the bird’s nest that was my mane. I watched myself in the mirror as I worked the knots out, eventually frowning. My mane laid there, tangle free and clean, but I couldn’t decide how I should wear it. I tried a couple different styles to no success, and finally settled on a style that that didn’t look too bad. It was straight and flat, the bangs falling just above my eyes. I left the bathroom and headed downstairs, my stomach growling. I made my way to the kitchen I had seen earlier. I shifted on my hooves, wary of looking for food in the cupboard. Rainbow had said this was my house, but I still felt out of place. Finally, I got myself to look through several of the cupboards, but couldn't find much of anything to eat. My stomach grumbled, disappointed at the lack of food. I returned to the living room and went over to the desk, hoping to see some bits so I could at least go out and get something to eat. I didn’t know the town, but I was sure I could find somewhere to eat. Instead of bits, I found a note that had been left there. Dear Twilight, I have some business to attend to in town and Rainbow Dash is busy, so I’ve arranged for your old friend Fluttershy to come visit you around noon. She should be bringing you some lunch. Yours Truly, Princess Celestia. Checking the clock, I saw it was two minutes ‘til 12. Figuring I had to wait ten to fifteen minutes before I got some food, I moved over to the bookshelf and started to look for something to keep me entertained. Just as I began to browse the titles, I was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. My stomach growled at what was likely the arrival of food and I trotted over to the door. A yellow mare, whom I recognized from the picture I’d found, met me at the door. Startled by my sudden appearance, the mare jumped and stumbled back, quickly making her body as small as she possibly could. Trembling, she looked up towards me but quickly stopped as her eyes met mine. A smile crossed her face and she stood back up. She swallowed and squeaked, “Oh my, hello Twilight, my name is Fluttershy. You may not know me, but we used to be good friends.” It sounded like something she’d planned to say before hand.She shook ever so slightly as she spoke, obviously unsure of me, but that was understandable. “Hello Fluttershy nice to meet you!” I returned her smile and offered my hoof for a hoof shake. It wouldn’t hurt me to get to know the ponies that used to be my freinds. She very lightly grasped my hoof and shook. “Would you please come in?” I moved back and swung the door wide to let her in. She picked up a basket that sat on the ground next to her and trotted in. As she passed me, another burst of pain seared through my head making me wince. Frowning and rubbing my skull I closed the door behind her, silently cursing headaches. “I know that you might be hungry, so I brought some lunch.” Fluttershy placed the basket on the table in the center of the living room. She removed the blanket covering the basket and revealed the food. My stomach roared as my eyes fell on the sandwiches and salad and their aroma reached my nostrils. Each and every piece of food looked delicious. I grabbed a sandwich with a smile towards Fluttershy, and took a bite. Daffodil and daisy. Swallowing, I sighed in contentment as the food hit my stomach. “These sandwiches are great!” I quickly took another bite, enjoying Fluttershy’s meal. She got herself some salad and sat down across from me. “Oh, they’re nothing special, just something I thought you’d like.” I ate quickly, managing to scarf down three sandwiches before I slowed. It was quiet as we ate, so I decided to break the silence and ask, “So what do you do Fluttershy?” She was surprised by the question, “Oh, nothing too special. I run a small animal clinic. When somepony’s pet gets hurt, they come to me and I help them out. I also help all the critters in the Everfree Forest, if they need it.” Her smile was small, but she was obviously passionate about what she did. “What kind of critters?” I wondered aloud. “Oh all sorts! There are beavers, birds, otters, squirrels, and even a few bears!” “Bears? Don’t they scare you?” She seemed so quick to scare, it was hard to believe she spent time with bears. “Not really. Sometimes they can be a little scary, but they’re usually just acting tough when inside they’re just little softies who need a little love!” Her enthusiasm was incredible and infectious. Her face glowed when she talked about the animals, and it made me happy to see her smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been carrying on, haven’t I? I’m sorry for wasting your time Twilight.” She apologized. “Oh Fluttershy, it’s fine! I was actually enjoying your stories. Please do continue.” I gave her an encouraging smile, settling her nerves enough for her to continue. We sat their for some time chatting. After a while, Fluttershy got up and made some tea for us to share. She stopped often asking if it was alright for her to continue. She was somewhat uncomfortable being the one talking, but I didn’t have anything to talk about. The more we talked though, the more comfortable she got. She was recounting a tale about a cockatrice when another sudden spike of pain seared through my head. I spilt my tea, only barely managing not to drop the teacup. Fluttershy stopped talking, looking towards me with concern. “Twilight? Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I groaned. “I’ve just had a pretty bad headache earlier, and it feels like it’s coming back.” “Oh, Twilight!” she cooed as she came over towards me. “Is there anything I can do?” I shut my eyes, “Not really, I’ll just have to wait it out.” “Well, Zecora might have somthing you can use.” “Zecora?” I said my head throbbing even more. “Oh, Zecora is a zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest. She’s a shaman and makes all sorts of potions. She often makes some to help out my sick animals.” A wave of nausea came over me as she talked. “Fluttershy, I’m so sorry. I was really enjoying our talk, but I think I should lay down.” I began to feel light headed as I spoke and stood. “Oh thats fine!” She rose to her hooves as well and walked over to my side. “Let me help you lay down, and then I’ll go.” She helped me up the stairs, even going as far as to tuck me into my bed. By the time I was there, I was near unconscious, finally drifting off as Fluttershy hummed a lullaby softly. The pain faded and sleep overtook me. ~~~ The town hall was crowded by almost all of Ponyville’s populace. Earlier that morning they had all been visited by an enthusiastic Pinkie Pie who had informed them of a town meeting to be held that afternoon. Many had grumbled and had been reluctant due to the short notice but when told that it was the Princess speaking there, resolved to come. “Attention, ponies of Ponyville!” The sound of Celestia’s voice cut through the chatter in the hall and everypony fell into silence. All eyes on Celestia, she smiled and began. “Thank you all for coming here on such short notice. There is an important matter that you all need to be aware of. You are all familiar with my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, and the accident that placed her in a in a coma.” Not a sound issued from the crowd as most wondered if the worst had finally come to pass. “Worry not my little ponies as what I have to tell you today is good news. Two days ago, Twilight awoke from her coma.” A roaring cheer echoed from all the ponies present, their loved community member, and many time hero, was healed. Celestia waited patiently for the noise to die down before continuing. “While it is fantastic news that she has woken, all is not well.” Confused muttering spread throughout the room, the jubilant mood deflating. “Upon waking, my faithful student has no recollection of her past.” A stunned silence filled the air. “I have done my best to restore her memories, but I was unable to help her. She will undoubtedly be going through an incredibly difficult time but with the help of you, her friends, she may just be okay. Please help her and be patient with her, and hopefully in time all will be alright. Good day my little ponies.” When she finished, she walked of the stage and through a door into another room. The ponies began talking amongst themselves once more, discussing every last detail of the Princess’ speech, including what they could do to help out Twilight. Four ponies made their way through the crowd, listening ever so slightly to all the conversations as ponies left. They arrived at the door Celestia had gone through and entered. Through the door was Mayor Mare’s office. There was a large desk, many bookshelves, several chairs, and out of the window, a great look over Ponyville square. Celestia stood by the window, gazing at the horizon with a blank look on her face. The princess shook her head and turned towards the four ponies who had entered and smiled. Walking over to them, she gestured towards the seats, sitting herself down as well. “Its good to see you girls. Thank you for coming today, and thank you Pinkie for getting everypony to come to the meeting.” “No problemo Princess!” Pinkie replied with a salute. Celestia, chuckling at Pinkie’s antics, continued. “I wanted to know if you had any questions for me, since you all are Twilights greatest friends it’s the least I can do.” It was quiet for a few moments until a now unusually somber Pinkie cleared her throat. “Why was Dashie running out of town this morning in tears?” Celestia sighed and looked once again out the window. “My dear Pinkie, that was my fault. I’m afraid I gave her some harsh news a little too bluntly, and she was very hurt.” Pinkie frowned at that, and opened her mouth to speak, but Fluttershy had already asked the question they were all thinking. “What news?” She said with surprising strength. “I didn’t tell everypony the whole truth of the situation. Yes Twilight has lost her memories, but they haven’t vanished. She just can’t get to them.” “Well why ever not?” Rarity questioned. “Her magic is not working properly and blocking her memories.” “But why would that hurt Rainbow Dash any more than Twilight just not having her memories?” Rarity continued. “There’s more. It seems that my faithful student’s magic has been particularly harsh on her memories with Rainbow Dash. Twilight will feel pain when old memories are told to her, but if something involving her marriage and love, it might just kill her. That’s why Rainbow was so distraught.” The four ponies sat there stunned as they realized just what that meant. “Did any of you see where she ran to? I think it’d be best if I went and talked to her about this all.” Celestia's words broke the other four from their daze. “Dashie was headed towards the Everfree forest, just out of sight of Fluttershy’s house.” “Thank you Pinkie. I will see you all soon, but first I must make sure Rainbow Dash is okay.” With a flash, she was gone. ~~~ My eyes stung, unprepared for the sun that shone into my face. I groaned and rolled over on the surprisingly soft ground. I struggled to open my eyes so that I could see where I was. My body froze and I realized what I was laying on. I managed to open my eyes only to confirm my fears. There I sat, on a cloud high above Ponyville next to a Princess I would've dearly loved to avoid. "Hello Rainbow Dash. Did you have a nice nap? " Collapsing, I groaned. "I found you fast asleep on the floor of the Everfree and thought you might be a little more comfortable here. Since you’re up now, I think you and I need to talk." "Look Celestia. I really don't want to talk.” Especially not to you, I thought. “Just leave me alone. I'm Rainbow Dash for ponies sake, I can handle myself. " With a sigh she relented. "Very well. Just let me know if you wish to speak sometime. Have a nice day." She unfurled her wings and flew off before I could say a word. It took me a moment to realize what she'd done. Muttering curses under my breath, I realized I had no way out of talking to her. "You know about it don't you? " I asked, knowing she could hear me. "Somepony told you." "I watch over all my little ponies, especially the spouse of my favorite student. " her voice came from behind me, but I didn't even bother to turn towards her. "And yet, I never noticed until this morning. I feel I’ve let you down." She paused for a moment and then finally asked the question I’d been hoping nopony would ask. “Why did you stop flying Rainbow Dash?” I was silent for a moment, deciding how I wanted to approach the situation. Finally, I spoke. "Celestia, have you ever been in love?” She responded with nothing but silence. “Love changes who you are. I don’t look at the world the same anymore. For the longest time, I flew to escape my pain, to move on. But when I fell in love with Twilight, she became my world.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “She was there when I was hurt and needed a shoulder to cry on. After I fell in love with her, I stopped running away from my problems. For once I faced them head on!” I stopped, lost in thought. With a slight shake of my head I brought myself back and went on with a sigh. “But then she was taken from me, trapped in her own mind. A coma with unknown causes, no one knowing if she’ll ever wake, and it’s more pain than I’ve ever had to deal with. So I fly.” I don’t even try to stop the tears as they stream down my face. “I fly to escape thinking of her. I fly to get away from the pain. I focus every part of my being on the flight. And...” The words catch in my throat, my body doing everything it can to stop me from saying it. Silently I beg and pray that if I don’t say it it won’t be true, but at last I manage to force the words out. “And I laugh, and I smile, and forget all my problems” I spit out the words, my face contorting in my self hatred. “There my wife is, the love of my life, lying in a hospital close to death, and what do I do? I go out and have fun.” My body shakes with rage as I speak. The words bringing all the emotions back to me. “I swore off flying that day. I don’t deserve to fly. Why should I get my happiness when Twilight might not get her’s. I deserve every last second of pain that I get from this all. She can still be happy, and that’s what I’m going to devote my life to now. It’s what I have to do.” I cried as I stopped, unable to go on but having gotten my point across. The wind howled as I sat there. Some time later I turned around only to be met by open air. A path of clouds made it’s way down to the ground and Celestia was nowhere in sight. I wiped away my tears, sniffed, and made my way down into Ponyville. I made my way through town, indifferent to my surroundings. I arrived home soon, hooves tired and sore, and went upstairs. I stopped in the door to what used to be our room. There was a battle in my heart as I debated whether or not to enter. Finally with a sigh, I walked on down the hall, into what used to be the guest bedroom. I laid down on the bed. I wanted to cry, but no tears came.
Chapter 10View OnlineWhat We LoseChapter 10“So, where to now?” I asked, wiping the sweat from my brow. It was a hot day out, the sun beating down on my back as Applejack and I walked out of the shade of the apple trees. Applebuck season had begun, and I was the only one of Applejack’s friends who was available to help. Rarity was working on a new dress order from Hoofington. Fluttershy was busy working with her animals. Pinkie Pie was watching over Sugarcube Corner while the Cakes were on a vacation for their anniversary. And Rainbow was flooded with paperwork from a recent unscheduled storm that the weather flyers had been unable to stop. “Well, I think we’re done for today Twi. Thank ya for the help. Without’cha it’d be two Applebuck seasons now that would’a failed.” Applejack said, patting me on the back. Smiling, we looked over the trees, bare of any fruit, and began on our way back to the barn with the apples in tow. The last couple weeks had been hard on me, trying to deal with not knowing anyone around me. Rainbow had been really helpful and kind, always there to support me, and I became fast friends with Fluttershy. Applejack was nice, if a little hard working and stubborn at times, and I enjoyed spending time with her. Without them, I don’t think I could’ve made it through my memory loss. On Fluttershy’s suggestion, I had gone to Zecora and gotten a potion to lessen my headaches. I still got them every once in awhile, but they were not nearly as bad. We followed the path back and arrived at the barn where we met the source of many of my headaches, Pinkie Pie. “Hiya Twily! Hiya Jackie! I’m off for my lunch break and thought I’d come see if you needed any more help, cause thats what friends are for! Well, that and baking sweets, having parties, playing games...” With an internal groan, I let her voice fade into the background as I lit my horn and levitated the apples into the barn where they were stored. Applejack thanked me and I gave her a smile. Pinkie stopped talking and I glanced over towards her. She was looking off into the distance, not moving. I opened my mouth to ask her if she was okay when her body started to shake and spasm. I closed my mouth watching her Pinkie Sense at work. “Gottagobye!” As soon as her body settled she sprinted off, vanishing in the blink of an eye. Crouching in the dust, I turned towards Applejack who was staring off in the direction Pinkie had ran. “How often does she do that?” I asked when I could speak again. “Oh, about once every few weeks. Ya get used to it after a while.” She finished with a grin. Shaking my head I said my goodbyes and headed back into town. ~~~ I sighed, looking over the paperwork in front of me. Of course the weather team couldn't even break up one unpredicted storm. Without me, they were hopeless. Signing on the bottom of one page, I flipped to the next and began reading. I hated my job. It was kindly given to me by the chiefs up in Cloudsdale when I quit flying, but I would have rather been out there risking my tail to break that storm up than here in this stuffy office. I looked at the time, checking to see how long until my lunch break. Only two minutes. I straightened up the papers on my desk, organizing them so I would know where I left off when I got back. When I finished, it was time to go, and I quickly left. Deciding that I was craving something a little sweet to combat my sour day, I headed on over to Sugarcube Corner. My job let out slightly before most of the others in Ponyville, so I knew I would beat the morning rush, but when I got there the store was closed with a small sign saying Out To Lunch! Pinkie always took early lunches so that she would be there when the big rushes arrived, but she was normally back by now. I turned to see if she was on her way, only to look right into her eyes. “Gahhh!” I screamed, falling backwards. She giggled at my surprise and offered me a hoof up. Bringing myself to my hooves once again, I frowned at her. “Did you really have to do that Pinkie? It’s kinda creepy.” She chuckled again. “Of course Dashie. Where’s the fun in life without a little surprise? My Pinkie Sense told me you’d be here so I decided to change your day a little.” “Well, surprising is certainly not the way today was going, so mission accomplished.” She giggled at that and opened the door beckoning me in. “So Dashie, what can I do ya for?” She said with a smile, walking back towards the display case. “Do ya want a muffin, a cupcake, a slice of cake, a slice of cheesecake, a--” I cut her off, simply saying, “A cupcake please. No hot sauce.” She ducked behind the counter and produced a cupcake moments later. “One cupcake, no hot sauce right here!” Giving her the bits, I dug into the cupcake enjoying the sugar filled goodness. I finished it quickly, sighing contentedly. “Hey Dashie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Pinkie asked me when I was done. “Sure. No problem Pinkie.” I replied, concerned by her rather serious expression. “What’s up?” “I don’t think Twilight likes me.” That caught me off guard. I hadn’t been able to spend a whole lot of time with both the girls and Twilight lately with how busy work had been, but last time I’d seen anything, it was all good. “Why do ya say that Pinks?” “Well, I’ve been trying to spend some time with her lately, but she keeps avoiding me, and whenever I see her for a split second she has this expression on her face.” Pinkie stopped talking for a moment to make an exasperated face before continuing, “And I’m scared that she won’t want to be my friend Dashie.” At this point Pinkie was almost in tears. I put my hoof on her shoulder to comfort her. “If you want, I’ll talk to her and ask her how she feels. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out Pinkie. I’m sure that you two will be friends. I know it.” “I don’t know Dashie, Twi’s changed. She’s not the same pony anymore.” “I know Pinkie.” I mumble. “I know. She’s more like she was before she came to Ponyville, or at least that’s what Spike says. I’m trying my best to bring back the mare I love, but I’m not sure I can.” We cried together for a little while, and I promised Pinkie I’d ask Twilight about her that night. We said our goodbyes and I headed back to work. ~~~ It was late evening when I finally got off work and had chance to go see Twilight. I walked the familiar path from the weather office to the library, thinking about the last couple weeks. It had been hard keeping the ponies from telling Twilight everything about her life. We had to go around to everypony and explain why they had to be careful. We could better address their concerns that way and could truly make sure that everypony understood that it was absolutely imperative that no one mention her past around her. Pinkie's Pinkie sense had proved to be invaluable, catching several times when somepony had almost slipped and told Twilight. I arrived at the library as the sun was sinking low in the sky. I knocked at the door and waited patiently for Twilight to answer. A few moments later, Twilight opened the door smiling ever so slightly when she saw me. “Rainbow, it’s nice to see you. What brings you here tonight?” Returning her smile, I answered, “I just came by to see you had some time to hang out and talk.” “Absolutely, in fact would you like to join me for dinner? I was just getting ready to have some food when you arrived.” “I’d love to.” She swung the door wide and beckoned me in. I could smell something delicious in the air, and my stomach grumbled. I frowned, since when could Twilight cook? We entered the kitchen and helped Twilight set the table. We chatted about nothing important for a while as dinner finished cooking. When the timer rang, Twilight opened the oven and carefully removed a delicious casserole. We barely talked while we ate, both too engrossed in our foods. Instead I took the time to watch Twi carefully. What I saw didn’t make me happy. Twilight had changed more than I’d realized. She was missing her inquisitive nature. Her eyes didn’t dart around the room in the same way, analyzing every last thing. She could actually be quiet while she ate, whereas she used to talk nonstop. I’d been lying to myself for weeks that she was really still the same pony I loved. But at that moment I realized that she wasn’t, and my heart broke. After dinner, I helped Twilight clean up the dishes. Afterwards, we headed into the main room and sat down in some chairs. Finally, I broached the subject I’d been meaning to get to . “Twilight, what do you think of Pinkie Pie?” She was quiet for a minute, think through her answer. Finally she spoke. “I don’t know. She’s okay I guess.” “Come on Twi, You can be completely honest with me. Pinkie may be my friend, but I’d still like to know.” WIth a sigh, she complied. “Fine. If you want the truth, I can’t stand being around her. It’s hard to like somepony when I can barely stay around them. She has too much energy and her voice gives me a headache. I have no clue how I was ever her friend. Really, the only reason I really try to be her friend is because you said we used to be friends. She just drives me up the wall. Before you ask, I get along with Fluttershy and Applejack fine, but Rarity’s over dramaticness is annoying.” I sighed, “That’s a shame, you used to be great friends with both of them but I understand if you can't get along with them. No one can get along with everypony.” At this Twilight frowned and seemed to get lost in thought. I changed the topic and we talked for a while on other subjects, but our hearts weren’t in it. Eventually I decided it was time for me to depart and I bid Twilight a good night. Before I stepped out the door, Twilight stopped me. “I feel kinda bad about Pinkie and Rarity, what should I do?” I could tell that she was conflicted, but I didn’t have the answers she needed. “Don’t feel too bad. You’ve changed quite a bit from who you were and that’s understandable. When things change, friendships can drift apart. It just happens.” “If you say so...” She still looked unsure, but a little better than moments before, so I said goodnight once more and left her to her thoughts. I made my way back to Carousel Boutique where Rarity had kindly let me stay while I saved up the bits to buy a place of my own. I went up to the small guest room and prepared for bed. As I settled down I thought about the evening and everything I’d realized. I felt that I shouldn’t love her anymore. And yet, the love still burned strong inside me. I didn’t sleep that night. ~~~ With a sigh, I closed the door behind Dash. I felt bad, as if I hadn’t given Pinkie and Rarity enough of a chance. It was just hard to be around them without getting sick of who they were. I decided to pass on the reading I generally did before bed and began to walk up the stairs. I entered my room and walked over to my bed getting ready to get in. As I pulled the sheets up, I saw the picture lying on my bedside table and my stomach knotted up. I laid down and tried to relax and drift off to sleep, but to no avail. My guilt could only build. With a groan I decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Maybe it would clear my mind. It was dark out when I left, a cool evening breeze ruffling my mane. The air was fresh and clean, carrying the sounds of animals all around. I gazed at the moon-dappled landscape as I walked, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. Everything was calm and peaceful, most ponies having retired to their beds for the evening and many of the nocturnal animals having awoken under Luna’s moon. The stars above me shone brightly and the night was clear. The constellations twinkled, plain for all to see, and I took a moment to trace them with my eyes. With a frown I remembered when Pinkie had taken me out stargazing. She’d noticed that I hadn’t really left the library for a while and had wanted to do something she thought I’d enjoy, and I had. Watching the stars had been fantastic and I’d even made a hobby out of it, but I still preferred it alone. It felt like no matter what I did, I felt better when I was alone. While I’d been thinking I had paid no attention to where I was walking, only truly realizing when I caught my hoof on something and tumbled onto the ground. With a small grumble of pain, I got to my hooves and dusted myself off, looking at my surroundings. Tall dark trees surrounded me, limiting my view but indicating my location well enough. I was in the Everfree Forest. I didn’t recognize where I was, and when I fell I lost track of where I’d been headed. I tried to see past the canopy of leaves that blocked the stars so I could use them to find my way back, but it was too thick. I cursed under my breath, wishing that my accident hadn’t removed most of my magic. Maybe if I could use magic, I would’ve been learning spells for the last couple of weeks instead of trying to find anything to entertain myself or wasting time with ponies like Pinkie. I didn’t like my chances of waiting here until somepony found me, so I picked a direction and walked. What I estimated to be an hour later, the trees began to thin out ever so slightly and I began to gain hope that I’d found my way out. A slight mist had formed and as I walked, a shape began to emerge from it. The ruins of a castle stood before me, just over a ravine and a rope bridge. My curious side getting the better of me, I decided to go explore the ruins. It would be safer in there than out in the forest anyway. A chill passed over me as I stepped onto the rope bridge. It shook a little as I stepped onto it, but it stayed sturdy and held my weight over the gorge. Once safely on the other side, I spotted the nearest entrance to the ruins and went in. Inside, the halls were deathly quiet, nothing having been here for a long time to disturb the muffling dust. Much of the castle was still structurally sound, though some parts had fallen into disrepair from lack of use. Statues of long forgotten ponies lined the walls, and I found many locked doors. Finally I came across one door that wasn’t locked. Cautiously, I opened the large oak door and peered inside. There, a spiral staircase stood which I proceeded to ascend. A gasp escaped my lips as I came to the final step. Before me, a massive room stood with thirty foot ceilings and stunningly a large windows which looked out clearly over the Everfree Forest giving me a view of the night sky. My attention was captured most by the statue at the far end of the room. Covered in moss, a large stone sphere sat with five beams protruding from it’s base, each holding a pedestal. I quickly crossed the room and came closer to the sphere to examine it. I made my way slowly around it, checking for traps. When I found none, I reached out my hoof and touched the large sphere. Instantly, a jolt went through my body and I collapsed to the floor. A splitting headache broke all the focus that I had. All other thoughts beside the pain were driven from my minds as I convulsed on the floor. For an instant, I thought I saw the sphere flash, but that thought was lost in the flood of images that overcame me. I saw myself, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash walking through the Everfree. I saw Applejack catch me and save me from a landslide. I saw Fluttershy save me from a manticore. I saw Pinkie Pie help me overcome my fear. I saw Rarity willing to sacrifice something important to her for me. And I saw Rainbow Dash’s unquestioning loyalty to me, turning away a flight team. I saw myself staring down an alicorn alone. I saw the other five coming to my aid. I saw the six of us together defeat the alicorn, and I saw one last thing as the last bits of magic tore through my body. I saw something change in me. I saw a moment where I realized that I could rely on others. I saw myself with five best friends. I saw something that I didn’t feel. I was missing that moment, I didn’t get to be as happy as the Twilight I saw, and I saw that I’d been miserable the last few weeks. As the magic faded and my body calmed, a stream of tears flowed down my face and I lost consciousness. ~~~ With a groan, I picked up my sore body from the cold stone floor. I looked out the windows and was greeted by the moon looking down onto me. I remembered what I’d felt before I fell unconscious. I took a moment to think over the memories. Each was powerful and moving, the things they had done for me, and how I had treated them in return. The thing that haunted me most though was the look in my eyes. I was so happy. I had never felt that, not once in the weeks that I could remember. Something vitally important to me was missing, and I needed it. I set off quickly, leaving the castle and moving back through the woods. I had checked the stars so I was sure of my path and confident in my steps. My mind was quiet as I walked, the images and memories playing through my mind, torturing me with what was missing. I sighed and decided on my course. The edge of the woods approached rapidly and soon I was again under the light of the moon and stars. I made my way through Ponyville and back to the library, only long enough to write a note for my friends and to gather up some bits. I moved through the town in a daze, still pondering my memories and what had happened, finally I arrived at the train station. There was only one booth open as was to be expected. I quietly bought a ticket for the next train leaving for Canterlot. I fell asleep on the bench waiting for my train to arrive, only awoken by the blowing of its horn. I stepped onto the train, giving the conductor my ticket and found a seat by a window where I sat. I watched the sun rise over Equestria and smiled at the lovely sight. I thought about how the ponies in Ponyville would be just rising, preparing to go about their business. I wondered how long it would be before they noticed my absence. Soon enough I fell back asleep. I woke before we were in Canterlot, soon enough to watch us approach the city on its mountain and admire its glory. The train wound its way up the mountain and arrived at the station where its passengers departed. I spotted a guard outside the station and asked him for directions to the palace. He smiled and told me and I went on my way, studying the city as I went. Everywhere were small markets and shops dedicated to everything you could imagine. I saw statues and fountains surrounded by foals laughing and playing. I saw a group of friends laughing together and frowned when I felt nothing. After a half hour’s walk with the sun now well overhead, I was at the castle gates. I asked the guards at the gate if It was possible to see the princess. They shared a glance and a whisper looking carefully at me, but nodded .They escorted me to Princess Celestia’s chambers where they headed in and left me waiting outside. Only a few moments later, one of they reemerged and bid me to enter. Celestia’s room was astounding, truly royal in every way. Gold decorated everything, the ceilings were incredibly tall, Many bookshelves filled with antiques and ancient tomes lined the walls. It was truly luxury. In the center of it all stood the princess herself, smiling kindly at me when I entered. “Hello Twilight. This is a very pleasant surprise. What brings you to here on this lovely day?” I gulped trying to work up the nerve to speak and struggling to form the right words. “W-well, you see... I...” I took a deep breath and finally spoke. “I want you to give me all of my memories back.” Celestia’s carefree smile dropped and she frowned. “Twilight, I thought we had talked about the risks involved in that. It is nothing simple. Your mind will fight tooth and nail against those memories coming back. It would be near impossible for even me to do, and if I made the slightest mistake you could lose your mind or even your life.” She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. “I know it’s hard, especially without memories, but please try before we resort to this.” “You don’t understand princess.“ I told her of what happened in the Everfree, of how I had found the castle and the sphere, and of the memories I regained. “I saw something there in my eyes, something I haven’t felt in all the weeks since I woke. I saw true happiness. I saw myself at peace. For the last weeks I’ve been asking myself what I’ve been supposed to be doing. I’ve been following the motions, but I haven’t had any hint of what I saw in my eyes. How can I live knowing I lost something that could make me feel like that when I feel so horrible most of the time?” She was silent for some time thinking everything over. Finally she sighed and said, “If it is what you truly wish, then I will try.” Her horn began to glow and an instant later, we were atop a mountain. The wind blew and the air was nearly silent, nopony in sight. I looked over the horizon and saw nothing but more mountains. Celestia walked towards me, gravity in every step. “Twilight, are you sure about this?” I swallowed and nodded. “Very well.” She bent her head, our horns touched, and the magic began. The End Author's Note Well here it is. The final chapter of What We Lose. Stay tuned for the epilogue that will be released tomorrow. Thanks to all of you who read, commented, favorited, and supported me through writing this. Special thanks to Rainbow at Twilight for all the help with ideas.Uber thanks to bats for his help with the ending and for looking over my drafts. (Bonus points go to the first person to find the shoutout to bats in the chapter)
EpilogueView OnlineWhat We LoseEpilogueThe train doors opened and I stepped out onto the platform. The sun was shining brightly, birds chirping and chittering in the rafters. The station was almost empty, only a few ponies moving to and fro. The air was warm, a slight breeze so it wasn’t too hot. I made my way through the station and out the front onto the steps. I stopped and gave myself a minute to appreciate the beauty. The trees were in full bloom, flowers of every color sending their aromas on the breeze to my nose. I took a deep breath, my smile growing larger. The town seemed to glimmer, all the quaint houses and buildings right where they belonged. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and it was a perfect shade of blue. For once, everything felt right. I moved down the steps and through town, enjoying the wonderful day. I found myself at the park in no time. The stream gurgled and flowed clearly, glistening in the sun. Little animals bounded around, pausing to nibble at the grass or flowers. It was more quiet than usual, the sounds of nature taking the place as background noise. Only one or two ponies trotted by. I made my way to a bench under a willow beside the river. It had always been my favorite spot. I sat there for some time, simply enjoying the day. Hoofsteps echoed through the air causing my ears to twitch. I turned my head to see who else was enjoying the day. The world fell away when I laid eyes on her. Nothing else could ever matter. There stood Rainbow Dash, the mare I loved more than my magic, my country, and my life. There stood my wife. Tears of joy in my eyes, I galloped to the bridge where she stood as fast as my hooves could carry me. She turned her head and saw me as I ran, eyes lighting up. We met there on the bridge in an embrace, more happy than in a long time. Our eyes filled joy. We kissed, a kiss that neither one of us would ever forget. She covered me with one of her wings and pulled me close. Together we made our way back to the bench. We sat in peaceful silence for a long time, content in each other’s presence. I spoke first. “Rainbow, I’m sorry you had to go through this. I know how hard it is for you. This shouldn’t have had to happen to you.” I held her hoof in mine. “It’s alright. Everything’s better now, isn’t it?” I smiled softly and nodded. “Do you think I’ll see the others soon?” She nuzzled me affectionately. “They’ll be along in time. Though I bet we’ll have plenty of alone time.” I nuzzled her back and she traced her feathers down my back. “Rainbow, I love you” I whispered. She smiled. “I know. I love you too” “I know.” I chuckled. We sat there until the sun set. The last sliver of sun went over the horizon and Rainbow stood up. In an instant, she unfurled her wings, pulled me into her hooves, and took off. We flew together through the air. Just a couple in love. Author's Note And that's it! My first ever fanfiction is complete. Thank you all for you're time. Thanks again to bats and Rainbow at Twilight. Goodnight all and stay tuned. New work coming soon. Ish.
